A/N: Hey everyone this update is a bit long and heavy on dialogue but it was necessary to set things up for the next few chapters. We're just about midday into the story. Thank you for all the likes and follows and reviews. I love hearing what you think even when I know y'all are upset. This update touches on suicide so for those who are sensitive to that kind of content you've been cautioned. Amnesia is a serious issue for some so I appreciate all of you who have stuck by me as I allow this story to unfold. Richonne is and will always be endgame! This chapter kicked me in the butt, but here it is as I nervously post the update.

I look forward to hearing from you guys.

Enjoy the update

Sophia


It had been a persistent struggle to get her out the bed followed by a debate on why she couldn't leave the house but Michonne didn't give her much say on the matter. She had a plan and it was supposed to benefit them both so she did her best to follow through with it. The car ride was silent, the Kia Sportage Rick had leased for her hummed quietly on the not so busy highway as they headed to their destination. She didn't feel like filling the cabin space with distracting music to drown out their private silent musings just yet. Silence had played its part with due diligence for too long but the quiet was needed while she got the words together to enhance her execution in reaching out to her friend.

They weren't great, they weren't even good but she hoped despite the foreboding grey clouds hanging in the sky that today could be the dawn of a new chapter in both their lives. She looked at Andrea as she stared listlessly out the window entirely absorbed as she gazed into an abyss of nothingness. It scared Michonne to see Andrea's internal wounds were just as significant, if not more so than her broken collarbone and broken ribs. By the looks of things only one set of wounds were being healed without delay while the others were leaving scars only Andrea could see and feel. She pulled into the dusty parking lot that held one other grey van and parked next to it. She took a steady breath as she prepared herself to face the music she herself had orchestrated.

Andrea turned her head slowly, concern mixed with a twinge of scrutiny echoing on her dull face. Her usual bouncy blonde hair was tied in an untidy bun to the back of her head. At least she had managed to pull on tights and a grey sweatshirt when Michonne told her she had no choice but to get in the car.

Michonne was relieved the image of her friend tied to the hospital bed five days ago after her incident was fading from her own rickety memory. Andrea looked almost like a prisoner with the zip ties used to restrain her to the bed and not so much like someone who had given up on life. It was a fact she had given up and the catalyst for her desperate attempts at escape scared Michonne to death.

"We're here. Can you come outside please? I promise we won't be long."

She was being compliant and Michonne was content to know she still trusted her despite the silence on their pain that played between them like an intense tennis match. She hoped despite the millions of thoughts mulling about in her head she could be calm enough to make her point clear. Lives and love were depending on it.

"Why did you bring me here?" Michonne understood behind Andrea's anger was a pain from shame and defeat so intense she rather not feel anything at all anymore.

"It's not far, just a couple more feet and we should be there."

They moved in and out of the tombstones that lined the medium sized grounds, home to so many lives stuck in an eternal capsule of death and unfulfilled potential it made her cringe. She churned the information Rick had sought for her in her head not wanting to miss the name among the many identical headstones that each held some varying degrees of decaying flowers placed by loved ones and well wishers.

"Michonne? Why are we in a cemetery?"

An intricately designed marble headstone caught her attention. There were bright pink, blue and yellow flowers that ran the length of the plot. Despite the many cracks of the other graves she could tell this slab was new. She paused in front of it and read the wording carefully, she had found who she was looking for.

Jim Hilton.

There was a dash on the head stone between the dates of his birth and death and it disconcerted her that your whole life boiled down to a dash on a stone; what was accomplished during your time on earth. The quality and essence of the life you lived, who you touched, who you loved, reduced to a dash on the tombstone between the timeframe you existed on the earth and the day you died leaving everything and everyone behind.

A stray gust of wind lifted the dead leaves that lay faithful on the ground around them, tossing them far away from their feet, it felt like they were watching them in slow motion as they gained a temporary home. Life itself was easily blown like the leaves on the ground; here one minute and the next they were gone.

"I wanted to show you the person who did die that night is here, his name was Jim Hilton. He was drunk that night of the accident because his girlfriend had just left him and he couldn't take the heartache. He lived with his parents, had no kids, just a love of fishing on the weekends and he was a regular blood donor." She wasn't trying to eulogize him but he was something to someone and he deserved some respect even if his own death could've been avoided by not drinking and driving.

She couldn't recall the hellish nightmare of that night and she didn't know if it was a blessing or a curse but Andrea could and she had to try to help her out of her gloom and the swirling vortex of depression she had taken up residence in.

She inhaled a deep breath and continued not wanting to lose her momentum, "But he's dead Andie and you and I are alive and breathing. I know it's not the easiest thing right now…..being alive...living when there's so much pain around you but you're not alone. There are people who love you. Who want to take care of you." She was preaching to herself too but she had a good support system.

They stood side by side as they peered down at the rows of tombstones rising up from the well maintained grass like an army without power.

"I tried not to think about him. I didn't even want to know his name. Somehow knowing would make it all the more real. His family….." Andrea's sentence dropped off as the tears she had been staving off began to full her eyes. It was bad enough she had survivor's guilt but she had conducted her own insurrection with a justification that everything was her fault.

"Tell me why." Michonne's voice trembled as she held her hand willing her to have the courage to say what she'd been holding in for weeks now.

"I was scared and tired. I've been so depressed even before the accident. I don't know what to do anymore. I've ruined lives with my selfishness Michonne. If you hadn't come to get me that night the accident wouldn't have happened. This guy wouldn't have been dead and your memory wouldn't have been lost and everything wouldn't be so damn messed up. Rick hates me, as he should. And Shane...Shane feels obligated to me right now…."

"Shane loves you!"

"You can't possibly know that."

"The girls say so."

"The girls…" she emitted a dry laugh, they were also on the list of people she had placed on mute because they were more people she had disappointed with her self centered behavior.

"Shane wasn't supposed to find you barely breathing was he?"

Andrea shook her head slowly not even trying to deny how desolate she felt about her own life or what was left of it.

"Have you ever preferred sleeping to being awake because being awake is like facing a living nightmare?" She didn't want to admit how dejected she was at first, until it absorbed her whole being, making everything seem unendurable. "Blackness waits for you on either end. I can't describe it. It's like jumping from a burning building knowing either way, stay or jump you're gonna die… not necessarily that you want to."

It wasn't a cry for attention. Michonne's blood ran cold, Andrea planned on being dead.

"Did...did therapy help at all with what you're feeling?" She could barely form the words, she was too choked up.

"The psycho place? I did what they wanted me to do for four days without getting tranquilized. There was a woman there who acted out on purpose just to get a shot because all she wanted was some sleep. Can you imagine? That was enough for me." She shrugged the memory off and inhaled before she continued. "Was I supposed to have some kinda epiphany? Some sort of life affirming catharsis? I don't know. That never came."

"How do you feel now?"

"The pain is still there." Andrea didn't need a reminder, the pain had become part of her. She too took another deep breath as she decided to finally clue her best friend in on a piece of the missing puzzle to her mental and physical exhaustion. "The room that I'm staying in at Shane's house is a nursery….was supposed to be a nursery. We bought a few pieces of furniture for it already. Shane was so excited. Now it's all mostly stuffed into a closet. I told Shane to give it away. But he kept a few things in that room." Her vision blurred as the tears continued to pour down her cheeks, dripping onto her sweatshirt. Talking about it wasn't easy but she needed to surrender her burdens and maybe the graveyard was a good place to do it.

The hairs on Michonne's arms stood tall. "Andrea…."

"It started off as any other day. One minute I was pregnant, the next I wasn't. It broke me. It broke Shane. It broke us. That's why I couldn't sleep over at Shane's that night after our argument. I'd be in that room literally sleeping with my biggest failure. Just more to add to the list. So yeah I wanted to be dead. So maybe Shane could move on and maybe I could too. But I realize now that it's just more of me being selfish. I'd trade you you're memory loss in a heartbeat Michonne because there are things I want to forget and there are things I wish you could remember."

"I'm so sorry." She gave her a one handed hug and leaned her head against Andrea's. "I didn't know. Did I know this? Did you tell me?"

"We didn't tell anyone. It was early and we liked the idea of it being our secret you know.." she shook her head and shrugged away the sadness.

"You were going through the pain of a miscarriage all alone?" The thought turned her gut.

"I was so excited to tell you guys. It was supposed to be a big surprise. Maggie was pregnant, you and Rick were trying. Sasha was engaged, Rosita took a leap of faith and started dating Daryl. I was gonna complete the circle. We were all finally going to get what we had been working so hard for. The modeling contract came up soon after and I took it. It was the easy way out I know but it was my way of numbing the pain of seeing Shane hurt over the loss of our baby not realizing he was losing me too. The money helped. I could drown out everything and pretend I didn't need him but it was never easy to leave I just made it look that way. Now the contract has ended prematurely and I have nothing." She let out a mocking laugh into the breeze. "No job, no husband no baby. But I do have guilt though. Guilt and shame for how I allowed my life to damage yours. I don't know if I can ever forgive myself Michonne. Pretty messed up huh?" She sniffed and wiped her tear streaked face with a trembling hand. It wasn't all hyperbole she meant every word. Michonne dug into the pocket of her jacket and handed Andrea two plys of the bounty she had grabbed off the kitchen counter before she left the house. Almost like a premonition had held her into thinking tears were inevitable today. Andrea dried her tears with the napkin and came out looking almost new. Too bad there wasn't a quilted, quicker picker upper for heartache too.

"You're not wrong for feeling the way you're feeling." She needed her to know that. There wasn't a time frame for grief and the stages were often experienced in no particular order. "You're entitled to your pain. I just want you to heal from all this pain." She wanted that for herself too hopefully in helping Andrea she was helping herself.

"The pain doesn't go away. You just make room for it." She said it with the authority of someone with autonomous experience on the matter.

"Despite of it or maybe even because of that pain you deserve to be happy Andie. Please don't think otherwise."

"How can you say that after all I've done? Five years of your life gone Michonne, because of me. Yet you're still here reaching out, trying to hold me up because I can't do it myself." More tears escaped and it was an infectious attack as Michonne reluctantly began crying too.

"Because I love you and I don't want you to die Andrea."

Andrea latched onto her hand with a firm grasp, "Michonne, I'm so sorry about that night. I'm sorry I called you. I'm sorry you lost your memory and I still have mine. It just isn't fair! Can you ever….can you ever forgive me?"

"I don't blame you." The graveyard they stood in was no match for the graveyard that was her heart where her vandalized memories lay dormant but she didn't blame Andrea for her loss. She needed to release her from the burden she had been carrying, it was weighing her down to her own detriment.

Maybe now Andrea could see a small light at the end of her tunnel and realize she didn't have to stay in the darkness forever.

"I forgive you." She knew that love couldn't exist without forgiveness and while the past couldn't be changed a little hope could alter the future.

"Thank you." Andrea said the words while a deep breath escaped her lungs, she felt a lightness in her body she hadn't felt in months. It was like a trapped breath of air waiting to be released at the right time. Sometimes you don't feel the weight of the thing you've been carrying until you experience the weight of it's release.

Michonne was trying to apply that same measure of hope with Rick, she was making herself available to learn all that she could about him. Spending time with him, the little that they got was giving her a deeper appreciation for the man who was her husband. Even if she couldn't say she loved him she was beginning to care deeply for him. He was protective of her and the boys and he was a great father to their sons. He enchanted her without effort, he was sexy and arresting and she tried her best to not give into him just yet. They had so much fun together, sometimes he made her laugh so hard she would end up in tears. He was trying his endeavor best to make the transition of no memories into a family full of them easier for her and she appreciated him so much more for helping her along the way.

She wished it was enough though, she wished it was a fair trade, a balanced ledger instead of the harsh reality that she had red in hers. He would never tell her to her face but he was looking for her, for Michonne; the one before the accident that never questioned his judgement, the one that stood by his side when he made a hard decision. He was looking for his best friend, his lover, his sounding board and currently she was none of those things to him and she didn't know how long his valiant efforts would sustain him or even if it was supposed to.

"It's hard with Rick sometimes. He tries so hard and lately we've been having some good days but I see that hopeful stare he has sometimes like he's just waiting for the old me to pop up any minute now and say Honey I'm home! But it isn't going to happen and I think...I think he's getting a raw deal." She didn't have an effective plan of action to deal with the drawbacks that were sure to come sooner rather than later. He had the patience of Job, but he was no old testament character. His patience would run out and then what was she supposed to do?

"Rick is the real deal!" Andrea turned to her quickly and laid a reassuring hand on her upturned palm.

Andrea was glad Michonne was sharing her pain too, that she still trusted her with it. She was still needed by the people she cared about most. Maybe if she was given a second chance Shane could trust her with his pain too. It was all the sobering up she needed. She had plenty of making up to do and she couldn't make amends if she was dead.

"You're safe with him Michonne. You guys put each other first in everything. You don't fight or argue. He's great with the boys. You love each other very much." With the effort and convincing tone of her voice Michonne wanted to tell her she should think about selling insurance because she latched onto every word wanting to feel the power behind them but it never came.

Instead she nodded and pressed her palms over her face as she spoke. "It'll happen soon." She didn't know if she was referring to a breakthrough in her marriage or her memory, perhaps it was both.

"It has to." Andrea said.

"You said something back there...Rick and I were trying?" The thought crossed her mind a second time. They had been making plans but Rick didn't tell her about this baby making one and she wondered why.

"Yeah you both wanted a baby. Said it felt like the right time for you guys."

She obviously wasn't pregnant, on her recall she didn't see any birth control or condoms in their bedroom or bathroom; her curiosity got the best of her. She was going to bring up this baby making subject tonight.

"Michonne you have to listen to me. You love Rick. He's a good man. You had a good marriage. Don't let your mind tell you otherwise."

"I just need it to come back Andrea. He deserves that. He deserves to have the woman he fell in love with. Not this shell walking around trying to fit into a life she can't remember building with him!" It was debilitating her to no end, she just didn't say it to anyone.

"I want you to continue with therapy. It could help you." Andrea was taking the reigns, they had lives to live and work to do. Her epiphany wasn't too late.

It was easier to criticize the things she didn't understand but she had a feeling therapy might be a good place to start to heal. They all needed some form of healing.

"Like how you stopped going to your sessions? Tell you what, if you attend yours I'll go back to mine. Deal?"

"Deal." The two renewed friends shook on it, both prepared to hold up their end of the bargain. With their latest revelation and a purge of their thoughts, hearts and minds it was time to leave the one place they didn't belong.

As they made their way back to the parking lot Andrea had a tiny suggestion.

"Mich, could we come back soon with some fresh flowers for Jim?" She wanted to remember his name, his untimely death wouldn't be pointless. Her life was about to change because of it.

"I think that would be nice." Michonne smiled flashing her white teeth just as an intense craving came across her taste buds. "You know what I have a knack for right now? Apple pie!" Her eyes brightened and Andrea could see the elation from her peripheral.

She matched her smile with one that was not as wide but just as happy as they communicated without words like old times.

"Carol's!" They said in unison as they entered the vehicle.


April 2013

"I think I can watch you eat all day long." He was looking at her in detail, content to watch her devour the beef burger she had been craving four days now. The toppings of cheese, bacon and avocado was built specifically to her perfection. There was a sense of masculine pride that overtook him knowing he was the man to fulfill her desire.

"Oh God Rick. That burger was so good. You know you're beginning to spoil me."

"Beginning too? I think that train left a long time ago, don't you think gorgeous?"

She laughed like he had told the greatest joke in the world. "I just wish I had a -"

Rick pulled out a Big Kat bar from behind his back proud that he anticipated her needs before she even spoke it. She grinned like a fool at the surprise, she didn't know where he hid it. There was an enticing grin spreading across his charming face and she took the chocolate snack from him after he held it tightly for a few seconds.

"Thank you." She kissed him lightly thinking he was too good for her. It was her third time over at his house. School was going to be over in one month's time and she and Maggie had plans to move back to King County. In the interim Rick was happy to ferry her between his home and her temporary one in the city making the two hour drive as often as he could. She was spending the entire weekend with him this time and she was nervous about what she wanted to happen this weekend in as much as Carl was spending the weekend at the farm.

"I actually miss the little slugger." She was pass the attachment stage with Carl he had crawled his way into her heart and she hoped he stayed there forever.

"He misses you too. He can't get over how you helped him with his volcano project. Did you really have to call his teacher to change his grade Michonne?" It was his guilty pleasure to see her go mama bear over his kid.

"Hey! My boy worked very hard on that volcano. He deserved better." Even though their volcano had some technical difficulties erupting on demand.

"Well she certainly got the message."

"Thanks for coming with me to the doctor today. I'm sorry that he assumed...you were the father." It had been an awkward moment for her but Rick didn't correct Dr. Chang and neither did she. She already felt bad that she wished the baby in her belly belonged to Rick. Mike had been removed from her heart long before his death and while she knew their son would probably bear a strong resemblance to him she hoped he somehow inherited Rick's loving heart.

"It's fine." He wanted to be her baby's father but he didn't want to scare her. The desire building daily inside of him to take care of Michonne and her son was becoming too strong to deny.

"It's good to know we're healthy as a horse and he gave me permission to fly." There was no way she was missing out on their annual girls trip. This year they were going to Barbados and she wasn't going to miss the experience of sun, sea and sand with her favorite people. As an added bonus they decided at last minute to invite their significant others and she couldn't wait to go on this highly anticipated vacation with Rick.

"I love seeing you this happy." He caressed the smooth plains of her face. Her closeness was beginning to affect him in a way where his jeans was suddenly too snug for him.

He didn't want to rush her on their intimacy, for the most part he was satisfied with how far they had already taken things in the short time they had known each other but he wanted to be inside her, to feel her shatter in his embrace, he was trying not to go full caveman on her.

She sat up on the couch and faced him as much as her pregnant frame would allow.

"You are responsible for that Rick. Meeting you and getting to know you and Carl has really been a turning point in my life."

"I feel the same way. Michonne I'm in love with you. I want to be with you forever." His words scared her because she didn't think happily ever after was in the cards for her but she was staring at forever and it had the richest blue eyes she had ever seen.

The reciprocation of that love was at the back of her throat dying to come out but it wasn't just her she had to think about when she gave her heart to Rick. It was her unborn child she had to consider and how his birth would affect her life along with Rick and Carl's.

He brought his arms around her midsection, he licked his lips and stared down at her plump ones giving up the task of being subtle in the exploration of her heavenly body. She wore a floral off the shoulder dress that showcased every curve and contour of her delectable pregnant form. His dick had stiffened the minute she eased into his car three hours ago.

He kissed her, tracing her lips with his tongue at first and then plunging inside with the ease of someone who specialized in toe curling kisses.

Michonne pulled away breathless to his welcoming assault, the current between them was charged and she'd been trying all evening to ignore the thunder to her lightning. Now that she had witness the force of desire for her on his face, in his touch, in his kiss she couldn't be without it.

"Make love to me Rick." The words slipped from her tongue as she began to unbutton the denim shirt he wore. Her fingers trembled but she was determined to let him know how much she wanted him.

He answered her by reaching for the hem of her dress and lifting the light material over her extended arms leaving her in her matching red panty and bra. His hand rubbed the crotch of her underwear which he found wet with her wanting. He wanted to make sure she was just as turned on as him.

He descended to her lips again but she halted him with a hand to his naked chest.

"I'm not...my body is…" he kissed her vulnerability away. She was timid about the drastic changes her body had gone as her pregnancy advanced and he was quick to reassure her she was the sexiest woman on the earth and he had eyes only for her.

"I think you are." He kissed her earlobe. "The most." he worshipped her slender neck. "Beautiful woman." He placed cascading kisses across her collarbone. "I have ever met."

He heard her moan under his ministrations and his dick jumped at the sexiness of her arousal.

"Rick please, I want you so bad." It was a mixture of pregnancy hormones and an untameable need to have him possess her body as much as he had already possessed her heart.

He separated from her to rid himself of his jeans and boxers and she felt a chill on her body. Rick tugged at the straps of her bra and her two full breasts spilled out of them and he tasted her there. Her hands grabbed onto his hair with the force of his suckling. He licked and tasted her aroused nipples as his hand found his way into her underwear.

"You're so wet baby. You wet for me Michonne?" he kissed his way back up to her lips talking to her in a gentle tone.

"Yesss." Was all she could have dragged out.

He stayed so close to her that they were murmuring into each other's mouths as there hands discovered places they had been itching too for a while.

She circled his hard length and almost begged him to take her right there. She was dripping on his hand as he fingered her. He lay her down on the couch as he positioned himself between her legs, she was spread eagle for him and he almost came when he saw her pussy glistening under the light from the lamps.

"God, you're so beautiful baby. Tell me what you want."

"I want your dick inside me Rick." At this rate she would die from the anticipation alone. Still nothing prepared her for his thickness of the steel like feel of him as he entered her. Both their breaths hitched in wonderment.

Rick paused above her, "Jesus." He had felt the edge of heaven being inside her. She felt every muscle in his back as she encouraged him to move.

"Michonne I want this to last but I don't know if I can go slow." Her pussy was holding him in a vice grip. Being inside Michonne was going to test his endurance for certain.

"I don't want slow Rick. What I feel for you isn't slow. It's hard and fast and all encompassing. That's what I want."

He lost it at the potency of her words as he thrusted inside of her, hard enough to move her but still careful of the round mound between them. His hand caressed her belly and he placed a kiss there as they moved in tandem. He kissed her lips again, this time it was desperate and she tried to curve her whole body into his as far as her baby bump would allow.

She was being swept away by the powerful pleasure of his pounding and she met him at every surge letting him know she was on the edge just as he was.

"Yes Rick! Ooohhh your dick feels so good."

She clenched his ass with a firm grip and tried to wrap her legs tighter around him.

"You feel amazing baby." He took his hand and began to rub her bud as her juices continued to leak on his dick.

In and out. In and out. In and out, she was becoming undone at his expert loving. She felt her orgasm building in her toes, creeping its way up to her core.

"Oh my God! That's it Rick. Yesss! I love you Rick. I love you so much." Her breathing was ragged as she shuddered under him coating his pink member with her sweet juices

"I love you too baby." He pumped inside her a few more times before he emptied inside her moist pussy. His climax caught him in a steady onslaught of an intense soul shattering euphoria. His heartbeat was so ragged he thought he was going to collapse. He never felt such a potent connection to someone before.

"You good?" He kissed her cheek as he slipped from inside her and pulled her against his chest as he made them more comfortable on the sectional couch that dominated his living room.

"I think I can stay like this forever is how good I am." She was so much more relaxed when he stroked her belly with his perfect fingers the way he was doing now.

"Say the word and I'll make it happen." She mumbled in response as her eyes drifted close. Sleep and satiation helping her to succumb to her physical exhaustion.

He wasn't having cheap conversation, he had plans for them and if everything went according to plan their lives would change forever when they touched down in Barbados in a few weeks.

He couldn't wait.


Her accelerated thoughts had subsided to a speed limit her brain could handle. Her limbs that had been previously filled with tension and tightness had eased up considerably and felt functionable again.

Her heart was still going at it strong, like a hamster in a wheel but at least she didn't feel as nauseated as she was an hour ago. Her head had began to pound which threw her because she couldn't remember the last time she got one of her headaches, she forgot how intense they could be.

She knew her boys were safe because they were with Rick but nothing could've prepared her for the gripping panic that possessed her mind and body when she drove to their school like any ordinary Friday to pick them up and they weren't there.

She scourged the large school yard for fifteen minutes before she felt like she was going out of her mind. She pictured them kidnapped, hurt or bleeding calling out her name desperately and she couldn't get to them. If it wasn't for Carl's teacher, Ms. Diane coming to her rescue by informing her Rick had picked them up as soon as the bell rang she didn't know what would have stopped her head from exploding. After fighting a losing battle calling Rick's unanswered phone she called Maggie to see if she knew about their whereabouts. Maggie wasn't certain why Rick picked them up but she assuaged her concerns that the boys were okay in their father's care.

She managed to drive herself home hoping they would be there by the time she arrived but they weren't. More vain attempts were made at getting a hold of Rick who's phone was either dead or stolen. She just needed to know where they were and what they were doing and why he couldn't let her in on his plans.

.

She was crumpled on the couch watching one of Andre's cartoons on the overly large, flat screen TV that rested against the wall in the heart of their home when she heard Rick's truck pull in their tiled driveway. The ship wheel clock that hung on the peach colored wall indicated it was 5:30 pm. She gathered herself and patted her face where the tears had dried hoping he wouldn't notice but when it came to her there wasn't much that Rick missed.

She padded to the door to greet her sons before they could rush inside.

"Mom! I scored a goal today!" Andre beamed as he hugged her tightly.

"Really baby? That's amazing!" She hugged him in return, it was a little too long and a little too tight but she couldn't help it. Carl followed with a hug of his own and she intentionally gave the boys her undivided attention as Rick brought in a dirty looking soccer ball along with the boys' school bags. He had changed into one of his famous V-necks and a blue Nike track pants with a pair of Nike sneakers. She was a bit unnerved that he wore the athletic getup like a model for a sporting company and she was trying not to drink him up like she was a wanderer in the dessert when she was upset over his lack of communication.

"I'm starving mom." Carl said as he rubbed his tummy.

"I ordered pizza. You and your brother go hop in the shower." She directed them up the stairs taking a deep breath as she prepared for her unavoidable conversation with Rick.

"Michonne. You alright?" He saw her first and there was no mistaking her distracted disposition.

"Where's your phone?" She asked returning to the living room away from the stairway where their voice could carry.

"It's in the truck. The battery was dead. Only realized on my way home when I was trying to call you." He trailed behind her picking up on her aggravated tone.

"I went to the school today to get Carl and Dre. I didn't know you had taken them Rick I damn near lost my mind."

It was clear now why she was upset. His remorse was instant at his lapse in memory. Michonne wouldn't be aware of their Friday plan.

"Dammit I forgot you don't...I'm sorry babe. I took it for granted that you…..I pick the boys up from school the last Friday in the month and take them to the park to spend some time with 'em." It completely slipped his mind that she wouldn't remember their ritual.

It was a fairly recent addition to their routine, all in an effort to spend more time with the boys as his role and tasks as Sheriff kept expanding, stretching his tenacity in the process.

"I called your phone twelve times. I left seven voice messages."

"My battery died. I was out on meetings all day. Returned to the station just in time to leave to get the boys. One thing led to another and I forgot."

Truth was he had forgotten that she did.

It was so easy to believe they were the way they used to be the past few days where they lay in each other's arms at night and kissed like the happy married couple they were. She was perturbed and by her slight puff of her eyes he could tell she had been crying which made him feel ten times worst for his blunder.

He stepped to her to fold her into his arms and she stepped back putting more distance between them. His neutral countenance collapsed at her standoffishness.

"You could've told me your plans at breakfast and save me the heart attack Rick."

"It wasn't intentional Michonne, I honestly forgot!"

"That's not the kind of thing you forget!" The retort shot out of her mouth like if she pulled the trigger to a loaded gun.

His face hardened where it was soft before, his eyes remained fixated on her. The last thing he wanted to do after the long day he had was disagree on such a trivial issue but she was being belligerent and he didn't know if it was intentional or not.

"You have a metric for things that are ok to forget?"

"I'm sorry it came out before I could -" Her apology dropped off as shame crept over her skin from her outburst.

"Or does having actual amnesia give you some kind of immunity to the list?"

She didn't answer his question, she didn't want to get into it with him over this but she'd be lying if she said she wasn't upset.

"Answer me please Michonne because I wanna know if it's okay for you to forget everything about us but I can't get one strike?"

She heard the hurt in his voice and everything came crashing down on her at once. Her thoughts bombarded her like an African elephant in a stampede. "That's not fair."

"Life isn't fair." He was beginning to see that more and more because the woman that he loved behaved like a complete stranger sometimes.

"I thought something had happened to them at first. I felt so helpless not knowing."

"I made a mistake and I'm sorry. The last few days made me feel like things were normal again." Normal for him was still strange for her.

She remembered their conversation from two nights ago when he confirmed what Andrea told her, they were trying for a baby. It dawned on her how normal and perfect the conditions probably were in their marriage for them to be at that place. Maybe it was a good thing she wasn't pregnant, she couldn't see how bringing a baby into their fragile union would be a good thing at this point.

He was doing his best with her fallen memories; trying to smoothen things out for her by leaving post it notes in the pantry, in the refrigerator and in the boys bathroom. He was leaving crumbs to their runnings as a family so she wouldn't have much questions. They slept in the same bed but never made love and he was frustrated too but he was keeping hope alive for the both of them. He had to.

Michonne was grateful for his consideration and she couldn't do any of it without him but she was still trying to adjust to a life she couldn't remember.

He peered down at her as he exhaled, his hand resting on his hip while he got a glimpse of her inner turmoil. It was painful to observe what was left of his wife when she let her thoughts consume her like this. It was hard to reach her when the road map back to her heart was beginning to blur.

She looked up at him, her eyes were pure topaz tinted with a defining brownish impurity that made them perfect in his sight but her stare was naked. He missed that look in her eyes; the one that told him he was the one and only man for her.

"It's okay." She wished she knew the sensible rules to apply to their sudden impasse but her logical inconsistency made her feel irresponsible with her feelings. "I'm sorry if I overreacted. Once I knew the boys were safe I was okay." She didn't mean to highlight his infraction especially when she was so much in deficit as it was. She wanted to embrace their relationship for what it was; a bond predicated by trust but there were stumbling blocks in her way.

"It won't happen again." He drew her into his arms without waiting on her approval. He kissed the top of her head where her locks lay neatly and he felt her relax somewhat.

"I'm sorry. I was scared."

"I know baby. It's my fault and I'm sorry. Let's put it behind us okay." She nodded against his chest as she inhaled his masculine scent. She tilted her head up and he took her lips in a greedy open mouthed kiss. He held her waist and dived into her mouth, his tongue mating with hers like she was the last woman on earth. It was a give and take and her body's response to Rick's touch made her a wanting woman but there was a void between them that no amount of kissing could fill.

There was a knock on the front door. Michonne broke away certain it was the pizza guy, she was glad for the distraction. She walked to the kitchen to grab the money set aside on the counter while Rick answered the door.

"Jessie? What are you doing here?" The blonde woman at the door was not from Pizza Plaza.

Michonne didn't know who she was or if she was supposed to but the lady knew Rick and she was smiling at him like a giddy school girl when Michonne walked up behind him.

"Rick, I'm so sorry to interrupt your evening. Oh! Hi Michonne! I've been trying to reach you all afternoon. The file that the mayor wants sent out tonight never saved on my flash drive so I was wondering if I can get yours so I can send it out so I don't lose my job. I'll return it tomorrow." It was the comfortable hand Jessie placed on Rick's arm that made Michonne uneasy. Her ramble was unnerving too and she was staring at Rick like he held all the answers to life's questions. She had this deep set, overly expressive eyes and Michonne simply couldn't warm up to her.

"My phone died. Let me get it for you." Rick left the two women standing at the threshold of the room. The blonde woman who was wearing a cream suit that was a size too small for her form smiled at Michonne. "You probably don't remember me. I'm Jessie Anderson. Mayor's secretary. I've been working closely with Rick for a while on the drug campaign. I'm so sorry about your accident."

"You know about my accident?" She couldn't explain the tenseness that over took her body when Jessie began to speak.

"It's a big town but not that big. You're the Sheriff's wife, everyone knows."

"I didn't realize…"

"I know things are difficult. Rick told me how much he's trying to help you. You've got a good one on your hands, not a lot of men would do what he's doing. I hope you get your memory back soon." Her words didn't feel so much like a compliment as it did a caution and she didn't know how that made her feel.

She didn't get a chance to appropriately respond as Rick joined them handing over the silver drive to Jessie. Michonne placed a possessive hold on his arm as she brought her body closer to his without even processing the meaning behind the gesture.

"Thanks Rick you've saved my life. Again! I guess I'll see you in the morning. You two have a good night." She flipped her box dye blonde hair and walked down their driveway to her car.

Rick closed the door and turned to Michonne who was staring at him with open concern.

"What is it?"

"Who's Jessie? And how many times have you saved her life?"

"She's exaggerating that's what Jessie does?" He laughed it off oblivious to Jessie's open admiration and Michonne's curiosity on the extent of their friendship.

"She seems to know an awful lot about us."

"I'm the Sheriff. It's hard to keep things a secret around here." He wondered if she felt threatened by Jessie's sudden appearance. She never had before.

"I'm not sure how I feel about that."

"This isn't about anyone else but us, so say what you wanna say."

"I know you wanna talk to me about things from before and you can't. I can understand if you miss that." She hoped he didn't find comfort in cream colored suits and damsels in distress.

"It's not like that Michonne. I'm grateful you're here at all trying for me."

"Well it's hard to pretend I'm aware of everything but I do try for you."

"I would never ask you to do that."

"I don't know, sometimes it feels like it's the role you want me to play."

"So what about the last few days? Were you acting? Were you pretending with me?"

"No I wasn't pretending. I felt everything. I wanted to feel it. But nothing much has changed with me Rick. My mind is still cloudy on -"

"Me right? Your mind is still cloudy on me." There was a nervous pause between them.

"Answer me please."

"Yes. I can't get outta my head sometimes."

He held the bridge of his nose, "You know you keep talking about your brain and your mind but have you ever stopped since this all started and listened to your heart?"

"Rick, It's not as easy as you're making it sound. You don't understand half of what I'm dealing with." Sometimes it was a struggle to get out of bed.

"Then make me understand Michonne, talk to me. You talk to everyone else but me." She knew he was referring to her pottery class but sharing came with the territory.

"I talk to everyone else? What about you Rick? Who do you talk to? Jessie?"

"You're really gonna go there with me Michonne? Jessie?" He brushed off her shade because he knew Jessie was a non factor. "I want us to work this out, I want you comfortable in your own home."

"Why do you try so hard? Nothing will ever be the same between us if I don't ever regain my memory from the last five years, if I don't remember our life together."

Rick kept telling himself to be patient, it would pay off in the end but he didn't want to continue tricking himself into believing in a fantasy.

"Because I love you more than your memories!" His pride spilled on the floor but he didn't care. He valued their relationship more than his ego.

"I'm not who you want me to be right now."

"You're still who you are at your core."

"You don't know that! Whatever you want right now I can't give it to you." It pained her to say it.

"I want you. I want us."

"I can't give you us right now Rick."

"You aren't even giving it a fair chance!" He spat the words out and she jumped.

"How long have you been holding that one back?" Her defensive stand was a protracted reaction, she was still trying to work through Jessie's intrusion.

"I just feel like you haven't been putting a lot of effort into some things." It hurt him to say it but it was the truth. He didn't know how they got here but amnesia was going to either make them or break them.

She listened to his overdue vent. She anticipated it, water heats for a long time but there's always a boiling point.

"What do you want?" From her, from their life together. She wanted a straightforward answer.

"You. I want you. I'll always want you. Your flaws, your mistakes, the way you nose turns up when you laugh, the way you feel when I'm deep inside you, the way you always give me sass even though your gonna do whatever I ask. You. It's….you...I'll always want you."

"I want that too Rick. I want to feel every word you said but I can't. Not like this." Not when most days she felt adrift looking for an island to land on.

"Tell me what you need Michonne and I'll give it to you."

"I think I need some time. Some….space." it was her last resort in sorting herself out. She couldn't do it when she barely got time to think without him distracting her by doing everything right.

"Done. I'll move back into the guest bedroom." He knew she wasn't an interchangeable part to just switch her feelings so he would put her first in all this even if it meant perjuring his own heart because the last thing he wanted to do was give her space.

"Rick…...I'm going to my mother's for a few days to help Sasha with the wedding."

He knew her well enough to know assisting Sasha was her excuse. What she was really doing was trying to leave him and he didn't think he could allow it.

"Do you really think that's a good idea?"

"I think right now it's all I have." She needed some space to think in order for her to move forward unencumbered. She was doing this for them.

"Sasha can come here. There's plenty of room.

"Rick. I'm going."

"No."

"It's for a few days." Her intonation was slow removing any dramatic delivery from her tone.

"You're taking my boys too?" It was one thing for her to walk away right now but he couldn't let her take his sons with her.

She squared her shoulders and tilted her head confidently. Her masked confidence was supposed to be a powerful persuasion but she was lacking sorely on both fronts.

"I think that's best don't you think? You're home after their bedtime most nights. Weekends you're occupied in the shed." It wasn't an insult but an honest observation.

"You think I want to miss out on being with them? The Drug campaign will be over soon and my schedule will return to normal."

"I know you don't. I know how much you love them Rick." He was an excellent father he couldn't be faulted for that, even with his hectic schedule he made time for the boys. Today had been a prime example.

"I can't protect you if you're not here." He couldn't remember a time when they weren't all together. His heart was breaking and she wasn't even there to pick up the pieces.

"We'll be okay."

He invaded her personal space and held her eyes hostage as he spoke with a sadness and a desperation she wished she hadn't seen. "Do you have any idea how I felt the night you got in the accident? When Shane called bawling on the phone trying to tell me you weren't waking up? Do you know how scared I was? How guilty I felt letting you leave this house that night? I made a promise that night. I pleaded with God for your life because I knew I had no control over things." She saw his eyes tear up and in response so did hers.

"Rick -"

He was watching her crumble in front of him because she was scared. He wanted to tap into her brain without losing his, it broke his heart seeing her like this and he hoped the right words would come to him.

"I made a promise to myself that I'm not losing you or Carl or Andre. We belong together, the four of us. In here," he pointed to her heart, "You know it too."

This was exactly why she needed to take a step away. She felt the pendulum shift between them. Even Jessie's disturbance had been the caveat for reinforcing what she had been trying to avoid all along.

Rick wanted waterfalls and she was only able to provide a trickling fountain. Half of her wasn't enough. She needed to do this for them otherwise she would remain perpetually in an anchorless state.

"Then give me a few days." She was trying to draw strength from his certainty but all she was drawing was pain. She understood the need for their history, everybody needed one but the battle between wanting to know her roots and needing her wings was crippling her.

"That's all I ask. You can come see the boys every day." She was hoping on a miracle in a few days and maybe some sound advice from her mother because she was at a crossroads and didn't know where to go.

He was standing under a metal rod in a lightning storm, it was the only way to describe the ache in his heart at the thought of them not being together but he had to trust in their love and put hope in that she was going to find her way back to him even in separation.

"I love you Michonne." She touched his face and he leaned into her soft palm. It was a clear chasm that her body knew how to soothe him but her heart didn't.

The doorbell rang a second time for the evening breaking their rumination. Stepping away from his gaze he watched her walk to the door like a prelude to what was going to happen next and he felt like his flesh was tearing.

She was going to leave and she was taking his entire reason for existing with her.