It's hard for me to pick any one chapter of my stories and say it's my favorite, but this one…well, it's my favorite. I hope you all enjoy it even half as much as I did writing it. Let me know what you think with a review! :)
Disclaimer: I don't own Rookie Blue.
Chapter 4
A week later, Andy and Sam collapsed into bed after a long, tiring day. She rolled onto her side the moment she hit the bed, facing Sam as he got comfortable. "I'm gonna get up and head to the gym in the morning before shift," he said, switching off the light next to the bed. "You wanna join me or get a little extra sleep?"
She didn't even want to think about working out, but she'd skipped her run the last couple of days, so she was overdue on doing something. She waited for him to roll on his side and face her. "I'll join you, unless you want some alone time."
"Nope, wouldn't have asked you if I did," he said, closing his eyes.
"Okay." She laced her fingers through his as his hand laid on the bed between them.
They fell asleep almost instantly, and despite how exhausted they were, both managed to get up early enough to hit the station's gym before their shift.
They both spent time on the treadmill and did some weight training before Andy suggested they do a little sparring. Twenty minutes later they were breathing heavy from the workout, matching up against each other nicely.
"I like this," she said as she started to take her gloves off.
"What, punching me?" he smirked.
"No," she said, playfully slapping him on the arm. "This. We didn't do much of this before. I...I like it." She shrugged her shoulders sheepishly.
Boxing gloves still on, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. "Me too." He leaned down until their lips met for a languid kiss. Her hands traveled up his back to his shoulders.
Andy felt herself melting into him and knew she had to stop before they let it go any further. She pulled back smiling at him. "We gotta get ready for Parade."
He shook and head and tightened his arms around her.
"Saaaam," she whined, but kept smiling.
He knew there was nothing more she wanted than to stay here with him, but she was right. They had to shower and get to Parade. "Fine," he said, feigning annoyance as he released her. She grabbed her water bottle and took a swig as he took his gloves off.
He reached out to grab the bottle but she snapped her arm back just in time. "You want this?" she asked playfully and he nodded quickly. "There's a fee," she said, puckering her lips.
As he leaned in and wasn't paying attention to the water bottle, she raised it above his head and emptied it. She jumped back to avoid the drips as she laughed hysterically at the sight. Tongue in his cheek, Sam watched the water continue to drip from his hair down his face and shirt. "You didn't…"
"Thought you needed a cold shower, detective." She smirked at him as she backed out of the room before he could retaliate. "See you in Parade."
Andy was walking around the station at the end of her shift when she saw Traci alone in her office and decided to see if her friend knew where Sam was. They'd both been busy on different cases and she hadn't seen him since Parade.
"Hey Trace," she said, walking into the office.
"Hey."
"Busy day?" Andy asked, as Traci rummaged through a box of files.
"Kind of. Sam and I have been working a cold case, something he first investigated as a rookie," Traci said, turning toward her friend.
"Really? Wow. Is he around? Haven't seen him all day," Andy replied.
"He's tracking a lead, left in kind of a hurry. He should be back soon though," Traci said. "You know, I got to meet his TO today? He's a detective over at 25."
"I don't even know his TO's name," Andy said sadly, a reminder how little she knew about her boyfriend.
"Charlie...Charlie Fitzgerald. It's clear Sam's always had a lot of respect for him," Traci shared with her friend.
Andy leaned back against Sam's desk as she looked over at her friend. "You guys need any help on the case?"
"Honestly, I'm not really sure where we stand right now." Traci proceeded to tell Andy the basics of the case. Teenager Robby Robins went missing 10 years ago and it was determined he ran away to Texas. After his remains were found in the woods this morning, it was clear he was hit by a car, tossed in the ravine and drowned. "Something caught Sam's eye in a letter from the Dallas PD and he rushed out of here," she finished.
"Wow, crazy something from 10 years ago can pop back up like this," she said, pushing away from the desk. "Well, I'm gonna go change. I'll stop back before I leave in case Sam gets back."
Andy took her time changing, hoping to be able to catch Sam before she left. If he had to stay late to finish up the case he was working, she wanted to see if he wanted her to pick up dinner and bring it back for him. And, well, she just wanted to see him before she went home.
When she walked out of the locker room, she saw Sam, an older man she assumed was his former TO and Traci talking near the entrance to his office. She didn't want to intrude, so she headed to the break room and got herself a coffee.
Sipping on her coffee, she poked her head out the door and caught Sam's eye as he was finishing up his conversation. She watched Sam watch Traci and his TO walk down the hall and into an interrogation room. It wasn't until the door closed that Sam started moving his feet toward Andy.
"Hey," he said before briefly pressing his lips to hers. "Can we sit for a minute?"
Andy nodded, realizing something was wrong, and led him to the couch in the break room. She set her coffee down and angled her body to face him, as Sam sighed heavily and leaned back into the faux leather cushions.
"Tough day?" she asked.
He closed his eyes and rubbed his palms up and down his thighs. "I don't want to wake up one day and realize nobody knows me," he said softly.
Andy laid a hand on one of his, stopping its nervous movement. She waited until Sam tilted his head toward her and opened his eyes. "I want to know you. I want you to know me," she said.
"If you don't know me, I don't know who does," he said, a bit more flippantly than he intended.
"Sometimes yes, sometimes no," she replied, honestly. She wanted him to be serious again and not just laugh off whatever was eating at him.
He flipped his hand around to wrap around hers. He needed to touch her, to remind himself why he was pushing himself to do something he wasn't comfortable doing. "The house I grew up in...I had no control over what went on. So, who I open up to, what I tell people, that I have control over."
"Okay." She wasn't really sure where this was going, but encouraged him to continue.
He took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling before bringing his eyes back to Andy's. "I like tool sheds."
"Why?"
"Well, when I was six, my dad locked me in the tool shed overnight because I broke his hockey stick." Sam looked down at their joined hands when he saw Andy's eyes glisten. "And when I was around 10, he made me sleep in there for a week cause I didn't mow the lawn. I forgot." Andy rubbed her thumb over Sam's knuckles as he continued to tell his story.
"And by the time I was 16, I was screwing up just so I wouldn't have to sleep under the same roof as that guy. That was around the same time I met Charlie, and…" He pressed his lips closed and swallowed, blinking his eyes rapidly to keep back the emotion he felt. "...and saw that a man could be kind and fair and good."
"So, you knew Charlie before becoming a cop?" she asked quietly.
He nodded as he looked at her again. "I've known him since I was a teenager. He caught me selling stolen car parts," Sam explained. "For some reason, he saw something in me. He made me a deal. He'd sweep the charges under the rug if I went back to school."
"You were selling stolen car parts?" She couldn't hide her surprise. This just wasn't something she'd ever thought would be part of Sam's past.
"I know I told you how I wanted to be a cop after Sarah's attack. And that was true. But, I lost my way. Charlie...he put me back on that path, so I became a cop for Sarah and him."
"And you've always had each other's backs."
"Yeah. Today...For him, I was about to do something that would eat away at me for a long time. But he…"
"He was like a father to you, Sam. And you do anything for family," she said, knowing he was struggling morally with some decision. She didn't need to know the specifics to support him.
"I think I'm making up for the person I wasn't before. I wasn't there to protect Sarah from her attack."
"Sam, you were nine years old. You couldn't do anything."
He shook his head, disagreeing with her. "Time and time again I'm not able to be the person I need to be for the people I care about most. I couldn't protect Sarah. I screwed up with you."
"Stop, Sam. I don't know the details about Sarah's attack, but I'm sure you did whatever you could as her nine-year-old little brother. And as for us, we've been through this. We both screwed up. You can't take all the blame."
"But that's just it. The other thing I have control over? Blaming myself. Because when I blame myself that means I take responsibility, which means next time I get to fix the situation."
It was then that Andy truly realized how his childhood had scared him. Without even knowing the details, she knew that whatever abuse came down from his father was something he still carried with him. "Sam, it's good that you want to fix your own mistakes, but don't put blame upon yourself wrongly. You aren't to blame to everything that goes wrong."
"Andy...he…" He wanted to tell her more about his father, but emotionally he wasn't sure if he could handle it. Reliving it all, opening up even more right now.
She saw the hesitation in his eyes and didn't want him to feel pressured. "C'mere," she said, wrapping her arms around him. Pulling him in for a hug, she felt the sigh of relief escape his body. His one arm wrapped around her body while his other hand cupped the back of her head holding her close.
"Thank you," he whispered in her ear. He was thankful for her listening, thankful for her understanding, thankful for the fact she wasn't pressuring him to say more right now. The words had come out fast and easier than he thought, but he'd hit a wall.
"So, how was your day?" he asked, when they pulled apart.
"Oliver will be teasing Chris and me for the next month, but other than that, it was pretty boring for Friday the 13th," she said.
"Wait, the mannequin Oliver was rolling around was about you guys?" he asked chuckling.
"Ha," she deadpanned. "Yes. In a dark warehouse from 30 feet away, it looked real. I can't believe Oliver brought it back here."
"Evidence of course," he smirked.
She shook her head, but couldn't the smile that formed. "Ready to go home?" she asked.
"I think I'm gonna stay. I need to see what happens to Charlie." He pulled his keys out of his pocket and dangled them in front of Andy. "But, take the truck. I'll catch a ride with someone later."
She ignored the keys and took his other hand in hers, lacing their fingers together. "I'll stay. Unless you want some space."
His hand tightened its grip around hers and she took that as his answer, knowing it was still hard for him to admit when he needed her. He slid his keys back in his pocket as they stood up.
They walked into the observation room to watch Traci taking Charlie's statement about what happened the night he hit the teenager. Andy held tight onto Sam's hand letting him know she was there for him, for whatever he needed.
Back at Andy's condo later, she and Sam were sitting on her couch watching TV, but she couldn't relax. She shut the TV off and turned to face Sam.
"I know we're working on being open - more open - with each other," Andy said, hesitating as she gauged his reaction. "But you were right today. I do know you." Sam opened his mouth, but she held her hand up. She needed to get this out. "I don't know everything about you, but that's part of a relationship. We learn about each other. We just have to be willing. And we are."
Sam took her hand in his and nodded. "I meant it when I said if you don't know me I don't know who does. I want you to know me. All of me."
Andy felt tears in her eyes, but blinked them away. "I need to tell you a story." She waited for him to nod in understanding before she continued. "It was just a normal night months ago and we were lying in bed. And my stomach was hurting from laughing because you had been teasing me about something. I don't remember what. I must've fallen asleep or something because all of a sudden I was having this really terrible dream. And I couldn't stop crying. I was crying and you weren't even really awake, and I remember you grabbed me. I remember you were just holding me tight all of a sudden. You said, 'I'm right here and I'm going to hold onto you and never let you go.' Right then, I knew that I would never feel more loved or more known. Look, I know it's a really small moment. It's not even a good story…"
"It's a pretty good story," he said, lips curving into a small smile.
"I love you. I love you. You're my story, Sam, you."
He wiped a stray tear off her cheek with his thumb. "You're my story, Andy. I keep thinking about the future - kids, park on Sundays, real life, something more. With you." He took a deep breath. "I screwed up. It's my fault." He knew she argued this point earlier, but he truly felt he was to blame. He was the one who had broken up with her and broken her heart. "Andy, I want you to be happy, more than anything in the world. More than anything I could ever want for myself. But selfishly I...I want to be happy too, and that can only happen with you."
The hand resting against her cheek pulled her closer until their lips met.
When they parted Andy's lips curved into a small smile. "We're both going to screw up, but I don't want to keep score about who's at fault. I want us committed to making this work, to living through the ups and downs together."
"I want that too."
Andy snuggled into Sam's side and rested her head in the crook of his neck. She snaked her arm around his body and held him close. He wrapped one arm around her and his other hand stroked down her hair as it lay down her back.
"I love you," he whispered. Andy closed her eyes as her lips curved into a smile.
Several days later, Andy walked into The Penny after shift and her eyes immediately found Sam sitting with Oliver, Chris and Gail. Walking over to them, she noticed Dov and Chloe alone at the bar, and she knew Traci wouldn't be around since tonight was her first official date with Steve Peck.
Sam saw her walking over and stood up, greeting her with a kiss. She caressed his cheek briefly with her hand as he pulled away. "Take this seat," he said, giving up the tall chair he'd been sitting on. "Oliver here took your chair." They laughed as she sat down and playfully glared at Oliver. Sam stood next to her, arm draped around her shoulders.
"Hey now, I was on my feet canvassing all day with Price. I have a blister on my right heel the size of a pomegranate," Oliver said.
"I didn't need that image in my head Oliver," Sam quipped.
Andy shook her head at them as Sam slid a beer toward her before picking up his own. "Got your usual," he said.
"After today, I feel like this glass should be filled with tequila," she said, taking a sip.
"That bad?" he asked, as if no one else at the table mattered anymore.
She shook her head and looked over at him. "Nothing a couple days off can't cure."
"Sure you're okay?"
She snaked an arm around Sam as she leaned into him. "Yeah, I'll tell you about it later, promise. I just want this right now." He wrapped an arm around her shoulders to hold her close. She loved this, being relaxed with him in front of their friends. It was something they hadn't done the first time around. They'd kept to separate tables at The Penny, barely sharing a chaste kiss if they happened to come in together.
They had a few drinks and chatted with their friends, and enjoyed the night. Oliver was too drunk to drive himself, so they dropped him off at home before heading to Sam's.
"Tonight was fun," she said as they pulled away from Oliver's apartment building. "Simple, but fun."
Later, when they were back at Sam's, Andy was lying on her side on the couch, her head on a pillow in Sam's lap. His fingers stroked gently up and down her arm as the news played softly on the TV in front of them.
"Gail and I responded to a tip today," she said softly. "A husband and wife were selling drugs from their home...with their 4 year-old, 2 year-old and 6 month-old sitting feet away while every deal went down."
"Any cases that deal with children are tough," Sam said, knowing those cases got to the both of them.
"Yeah, especially when the child services liaison that shows up is your own mother," she replied.
His hand stilled before giving her arm a gentle squeeze. "Thought she left town."
"So did I. I haven't heard from Claire in months. The message I left her weeks ago went unanswered." She sighed sadly.
"What explanation did she give?" Sam asked.
"I didn't give her the opportunity. Gail took the kids and dealt with her. I want nothing to do with her. She can't just be in my life when it's convenient; to play caterer to my housewarming, to give bad motherly advice, to make me question things I shouldn't," Andy said bitterly, thinking about all the negative things Claire had said about Sam.
He brushed the hair off her shoulder, trying to get a better look at her face to see how she was really doing with what happened. "You okay with shutting her out completely?"
She shrugged, not sure what she wanted to happen with her mother. "I don't know. All she does is walk away. Not sure I can go through that pain over and over."
He ran his fingers through her hair slowly. "Whatever you want to do, I'll support you."
They were quiet for a while, their attention focused back on the news. "Wanna head to bed?" he asked when he noticed her eyes were closed. She nodded and sat up, and that's when Sam noticed light streaks of tears down one cheek. Giving her a sad look, he cupped her cheek. "Hey, what's wrong?"
The look he gave her unraveled her. "Am I not good enough for her? What's wrong with me?"
Sam's heart broke as he wrapped her up into his arms. "Andy, it's her loss if she doesn't want to be part of your life. She's the one that's not good enough for you. She's the one who doesn't know how to be a mother to an amazing daughter."
"I should've listened to you months ago. I never should have let her back into my life," she said, the words muffled into his shoulder.
"You had to give her a shot. I get it. And now you'll never wonder 'what if.'"
"Yeah, now I know. She's out of my life...and it's my choice, this time," she said confidently.
"You sure you're okay?" he asked, pulling her face back so he could look at her.
"I am...you're here with me." She gave him a small smile, but it didn't reach her eyes. "Let's go to bed."
