Author's babble: Hello all! Has been a while. But finally got some time to myself to continue writing more on this story. Thank you all again for the support and interest in this.
I can't 'babble' here and not mention how blown away I was by Nina's performance once Elena realised Jeremy was dead and not coming back. And further, how Nina played her when Damon asked Elena to switch off her humanity. Absolutely stunning acting. I had always been concerned regarding how Elena would be played when she became a vampire. Mainly if any change would come about that might lead us viewers to think she's just like Katherine. Wether she shut off her humanity or not. But that has not been the case (so far) and I am most impressed. At the end of the last episode I still saw Elena. Detached from emotion for sure, but quite similar to when she's been at her most logical. Fingers crossed the changes in her character are on par as the show continues.
CHAP 54:
Judging by the light permeating the sliver between my resentfully parting eyelids I assumed it was morning and, now consciously aware of Elijah's eyes on me groaned softly and shifted. Making note that today was the second say I'd lived with what I'd done concerning the girl her face flickered beneath my eyelids. I wondered if in time I wouldn't be able to recall her face so clearly. One's memory had it's limits. Hoping that it wouldn't I fixated on the terror in her eyes, just in case. That was something I didn't ever want to forget. Considering it I also didn't want to wake up. It hardly seemed fair when I'd played a part in the fear that had filled them and ultimately in her end.
Moving on from my recollection I realised I'd turned at some point during my sleep and was facing Elijah. Finally ready to be in the present I opened my eyes.
"You're watching me again."
"So I am." Came his smooth response then his soft chuckle. "Perhaps you can take comfort in the fact I'm not lovingly molesting your face." He suggested as though he'd compromised on doing exactly that. Embarrassed, I blushed furiously and cast my eyes around to focus on something other than him. Unable to manage it some tension crept into my otherwise relaxed body.
"I-." Elijah's eyebrows rose and his eyes, gentle and searching surveyed me as I scrambled for words. It was no co-incidence he brought this up now. I was sure he thought he could catch my just awakened mind off-guard. "I didn't molest your face."I denied weakly.
"No. But if I were to return the appraisal of your face, no doubt you'd consider that a harassment." Elijah locked our gazes with a challenging intensity. I returned his stare as though in a trance and though my eyelids fluttered when he directed a free hand to my face, I found myself overwhelmed with anticipation for his touch. But I was also incredibly fearful that I wouldn't remember this moment well enough. Resulting in any reminiscence of this not accurately recalling how I longed for his contact. It intensified my fear and panicking I was frozen. At the same time I knew I needed to avoid this in the present, but the tug of war within prevented me making any move.
Only when the back of his index finger finally made contact above my cheek bone did I stir and shoot Elijah a hard glare. But it seemed he'd already backed off. "Elena." My name on his lips was tortured. He seemed astounded by something and somewhat heartbroken as well. Pushing past my quelled fear and wariness of why he'd spoken my name the way he had I sat up.
"I know what you're doing," I accused as my bathrobe fell down off the front of my shoulders, the material pooling on my lower abdomen and distracting me for a moment. I hadn't wanted the robe. Hadn't used it knowingly. It's presence had to be Elijah's doing. How sweet of him. Though I hadn't needed it and he'd ignored that, which ordinarily frustrated me. Right now it was sweet and I treasured the action. Looking down at how it covered most of my body I began rubbing the material between my thumb and two fingers.
"And what's that?" I stole a glance into the back seat to find Jonas still asleep before snapping my head back to Elijah.
"Bombarding me with meaningless, nothings as soon as I wake, hoping my defences will be down." If that hurt him, well I was sharing in it. My blood felt cold and thick in my veins. How I wished I could take it back. Or rather hadn't had to say it at all. Again I was frightened of keeping him at a distance.
"Ah." He acknowledged then fell silent and after a furtive glance at me turned his face to the road again. Gathering up the robe, I quickly balled it in annoyance then tucked it down behind my seat.
"Ah?" I spat though emphasising my repetition of the world. "That's all you can say for-?" I shot, making an effort to keep my voice down before he cut me off.
"What have I done to make you fear me?" That stalled my annoyance. As if continuing to speak was some hardship for him Elijah made a low half growl, before the sound formed into his next word. "Every time I approach you in some non-essential way your heart beat becomes thunderous with fear." His growl hadn't been due to anger. The fear he was picking up on seemed just as hurtful to him as my words could be. It hadn't occurred to me how my fearfulness could be interpreted. So I was soundly shocked and completely thrown off when Elijah turned his head to face me again. "After some investigation it's quite obvious I'm scaring you for some reason. There's no other explanation and yet, I don't know what I've done." As he spoke I'd titled my head forward and kept glancing up to his face then back down again. If only he knew.
"I'm not afraid of, you." I wasn't.
"Don't deny it. I was aware of your fear yesterday, and now I'm aware of it's source." Came his somewhat hard response. "Instead, would you care to tell me why?" Now I raised my face and though my voice was low, kept it strong.
"But I'm not."
"Elena. You have lied to me on many occasions. With due cause." He began with some frustration in his voice. "But on this one. I need you to be truthful with me. I can't bare you fearing me." Elijahs' expression was ominous.
"I don't," my tone compelled him to believe me. "I'm telling the truth, I'm not afraid of you." Shaking his head from side to side in disbelief Elijah faced the road once again. I noticed his right hand gripping the steering wheel tightly, making his knuckles white. Obviously he didn't believe me. "E-." His jaw tensed and my voice faltered even before he cut me off.
"I've only ever wanted to keep you safe and happy, Elena. How I've come to make you fear me by doing so I cannot comprehend. If you're not going to be honest with me now when it possibly matters most, I'm not certain I want to hear anything else you've to say. Not right now." Heart thundering within my chest at the thought of losing all interaction with Elijah from this point on, my chest tightened. I had to focus on my breathing in order to settle myself. It proved difficult when as though offended, or angered further he turned his head to stare fiercely at me. His face was like stone. This wasn't what I wanted to cherish. My lips parted, offering my mouth the opportunity to say something, but I couldn't. He didn't believe I wasn't afraid of him. I couldn't very well play along with his assumption. That would only be worse, in the end. Was this it? Was this the moment that would end all potential for future, more pleasant ones? It was gut-wrenching. Though Elijah was shutting me down on what I might have to say, I couldn't help being hyper aware that he possibly didn't want me in any way. To hell with how amazing we were in Klaus' bathroom and every other interaction we'd ever had. I hated how things hurt more when you cared.
Slowly, and with some difficulty Elijah adjusted his expression. The hard lines of his face softening while his eyes warmed somewhat. Finally, he looked apologetically at me and disconnected a hand from the steering wheel and directed it as though to place it on my knee. This was more like it. Quickly I tried to focus myself on memorising how his hand was about to feel on my knee. I was anxious to accept his movement, but his hand paused and panic overwhelmed me. The next moment it had returned to the wheel.
"I will not do that again." He referred to his hand in a murmur. "Hopefully my self-chastisement concerning any relations or advances I might otherwise make, can bring you some comfort. I find my desire to touch you lacking, knowing I make you feel this way." Elijah promised diplomatically. I made no response and Elijah seemed to have nothing more to say from this point. Ten minutes passed before I forced myself to respond. I knew it was useless, as he'd made up his mind.
"I don't understand. Why won't you believe me?" I asked quietly as I stared out the window.
"But I do. The contrast between your body's response and those which you formulate is too great. I have to rely on the biological truth."
This was largely foreign territory. Only a few times before had I been so affected by Elijah when angry. This was beyond awkward. This whole road trip would no doubt prove quite uncomfortable now. In the back of my mind if this disagreement was truly as bad as my emotions made it feel I welcomed Klaus catching up with us. This felt like a trust issue. Elijah was taking my body's reaction as not trusting him. It hadn't mattered on other occasions. But maybe we'd been through enough till now that he felt I should have no doubt about his character. I could understand him feeling hurt and maybe that was all this was. But logic and my emotions weren't complimenting each other at the moment. Was it too much to hope he just needed time to cool off? Not wanting to make this worse than it already was I didn't push my side of things. So we continued on in silence. I couldn't wait for lunch. Then I would escape this car and the tension for at least a litte while.
When we finally stopped to eat I was the first out of the car. Having stopped not long prior to buy some meat and salads from a grocer Elijah and Jonas set about starting the barbecue in the Environmental Reserve we were stopped at. Since they both seemed to have it under control I wandered off a little to read the large information plaques that told about the plant and animal life native to the area. I then got to talking with a couple of guys and a girl in a group who'd come to walk a trail through the forest-like growth the clearing we were in led into. Apparently they'd been here before and had come across many different animals. I envied their obvious passion for nature and hiking somewhat. But I appreciated their normalcy more than anything else. They knew nothing of what was going on in the world's supernatural societies. I felt normal again while talking with them. Unrestricted in anything I might say or do. As some of them adjusted their back packs and filled their water in preparation, the girl who'd kept speaking and laughing with me about a movie we'd both seen a while ago was suddenly startled into silence. Her face then took on enough confusion that I gave her a concerned look before making the decision to turn my head and look around behind me. At the same moment I felt a hand make contact with my upper arm.
"Lunch is just about ready." Elijah announced to me as I felt the length of his arm run from his grasp on my upper arm, across my back, and held me firmly against his side as he stepped next to me. With some tension in my body I managed to keep calm and accepted Elijah's presence and announcement with a glance and a smile. It was then that the girl excused herself to leave us and get going with her group. "Relax. You'll attract attention if you appear uncomfortable with me." Elijah murmured as we turned together and began walking back to the barbecue he and Jonas had chosen.
"Well, that do you expect me to be? I'm afraid of you after all. I mightn't be able to control myself." I bit back at him. "You said you weren't going to make any advances. Have you noticed you're touching me? You practically took an oath earlier not to."
"It seemed an unsuspicious interaction between you and I that was suitable to interrupt you and the girl." I exhaled sharply out of my nose in a somewhat scornful laugh. Apparently his contact with me now was of no concern.
"Yet you used your vampire speed to just appear next to me. Or so it seemed. Whatever you did, it alarmed her."
"Some things are inescapable." We walked on a few more paces before he continued. "Like your anger, at me." I saw no reason to answer him. There was no need to deny it, nor explore it's source But eventually I formed a response.
"If you weren't so hot and cold I mightn't be so easily angered. You confuse me." Elijah maintained our side by side contact as we moved closer to Jonas and smoothed his hand up and down my upper arm soothingly. The action annoyed me further and I chose to untangle myself from him. But as I elbowed Elijah he held me tighter against his side.
"Remain as you are."
"No!" I hissed. "You said you weren't going to touch me. If you respect my," here I exaggerated my voice so that it dripped with sarcasm, "fear, you'll give me space." I had very little ability to struggle free from his strong hold but still I tried to worm my way free.
"Settle, Elena. The girl you spoke to is intermittently watching us." Oh. Accepting Elijah's closeness I stopped trying to resist. "Regrettably I cannot completely refrain from touching you. At times, displays of comfort when in close proximity can blend us amongst the public. Curiously, you do not seem afraid at this time." He inflected some amusement into his voice at this observation. Turning my face to his I formed an exaggerated look of shock to form across my facial features.
"You don't say?" My eyebrows with a mind of their own rose and quirked with some of my haughty attitude. "Do you mean? Could it be, that I'm not afraid of you after all?" Elijah's own eyebrows lowered as his eyes narrowed at me.
"I'm not yet sure what it means." His replied, obviously intrigued. "You certainly haven't been afraid since I commandeered you from the girl." No. Because this contact is unexpected. Of course I hadn't, I'd had no notion of Elijah ever touching me again. So I couldn't prepare myself to memorise it. Not this time. Turning my face forward again we rejoined Jonas. Elijah then took over barbecuing the sausages while Jonas sat down and read a paper he'd picked up at our last stop. I simply sat and looked about me.
Eventually my casual perusal honed in on Elijah as he turned the lines of meat methodically in between cutting up what salads had not yet been prepared. I watched his hands for what seemed the longest time. But soon found my gaze rising, my eyes travelled the line of buttons up the centre of his shirt, before pausing at the opening of material level with his collar bone. His jaw was in the way however, so I found my attention attracted there. His head was tipped forward, watching what he was doing and some of his hair hung down, waving gently from the movement of his right arm. That was where my attention remained. On his hair, and how it hung down shielding his eyes. After a time Elijah looked up, finding my eyes on his he continued chopping blindly. When my attentions proved concerning, he tilted his head slightly and his face took on a dark look of concern. Blinking slowly a couple of times I realised I was staring, and with more calm than I thought I'd be capable, looked down at the sausages sizzling. Then I cast my gaze well out and away from Elijah and to the goings on of everyone else. After that the two men casually spoke between themselves for a few minutes.
"Elena?" Elijah's voice caught my attention and I looked back to him. "Perhaps, if you don't mind, Jonas can test you before we eat?"
"That way," Jonas added. "In the instance you haven't yet conceived. You and Elijah can try again before Klaus to rejoins us." There was that awkwardness again. They were discussing my sex life. How would we try again? Would we kick Jonas out so we could use the car? That wouldn't be pleasant for any of us. Raising my eyebrows then I glanced around, noting we were out of the way of anyone else. It wouldn't draw attention to do it now. Nodding I stood up and moved closer to Jonas, then the familiar clean aroma filled my nostrils. As he did his thing I glanced at Elijah hopeful for a good result to find he'd plated the sausages and was standing a little closer. The longer Jonas performed the spell Elijah took to glancing back and forth between us. He actually looked somewhat anxious, and it was incredibly endearing. It was almost enjoyable to see him squirm this way. A lot was riding on this I supposed. I began to openly stare at him again and soon Jonas was done. "Well done, you two." He praised. Relief hit me with the force of an avalanche. It felt so physical I could have been bowled over where I stood. I very nearly was as Elijah closed the meter between us to engulf me in a hug. Shocked, stunned and grateful for what we'd accomplished I couldn't help but laugh into the front of his shoulder. The sound muffled by his jacket was more than made up for by Elijah and Jonas' laughter. He kept a hold of me even after we'd all stopped laughing, leaving us slowly swaying in relative silence. Not that I had any objections. My arms still locked around his back, I took the time to inhale as much of his scent as possible. Once again, I'd been caught off-guard with his contact so I just took it as it came and savoured it. Finally, Elijah and I broke apart. The transition into two separate beings was laboured and for many torturous seconds I thought he was going to kiss me. The way his head tilted down would have facilitated the meeting of our lips so easily. The simplicity of doing so must have registered with Elijah also, because his releasing grip paused to hold me in range for a moment. His expression was mildly puzzled and his eyes looked to almost introvert on themselves. He looked to be thinking heavily about something.
But then we were disentangled and distancing fast. I moved around Jonas back to where I'd previously sat and Elijah sat down across from both Jonas and I at the picnic table. Jonas had already helped himself in the time Elijah and I'd been celebrating so we joined him, all of us in high spirits. Far too often Elijah and I glanced at each other. Our eyes continuing to meet over and over again, before I finally managed to stop myself from focussing on him. Of course by restricting my attentions there it allowed the fact that I was pregnant sink in. Right now it would only be cells. But I had to wonder how long a pregnancy such as mine would last. Due to vampire cells fertilising my egg would it be less than the general human gestation period? And then with vampire blood in my body, would that have any effect? The next full moon wasn't far away. Would I have any visible signs of pregnancy by then? Grimly I cast it's development aside, for it didn't really matter. I was simply with child.
I'd never considered myself a breeder. Though lately my body really hadn't been my own. Being with child now, made me feel even more dejected about something within me. It was like I'd been given a gift, and had no idea what to do with it. This had been produced out of necessity. It had a purpose. It wasn't going to be an entity when the time came for Klaus to kill me. It was so weird to feel as though I had no claim over it despite it residing within me, and being the key to bringing Klaus down. It was so important, and yet nothing at the same time. And I kept having this urge to place my hand on my lower belly. There was no baby belly to cup. Yet just because I was told I was pregnant, I wanted to strike some pose. I hadn't considered how Elijah and I had created something that had the potential to be someone, with the intention of killing it. But now, it was plainly obvious. My second victim was inside me. How the guilt smothered me now. I was glad for getting most of my meal down before I'd reached this depressing notion. It was advantageous to eat at every food stop. Not waste the opportunity and go hungry until later. But suddenly what remained on my plastic plate was incredibly disgusting and the remaining flavours in my mouth sickening. We'd bought some bottles of water earlier as well and I wanted so much to swirl my first mouthful around my mouth and spit it out. But, not wanting to make a scene I was forced to swallow my first mouthful from the bottle I'd claimed. At least it got better. As I drank Elijah and I locked gazes one time too many for my liking now that I was slightly resentful about our success. Without the customary response of looking away I narrowed my eyes, warning him of my displeasure. His right eyebrow rose slightly before he slowly continued to finish what was on his own plate.
After an afternoon on the road that stretched into the evening, Elijah turned the car into a motel parking lot. I'd been stewing about being a murderous incubator the whole time so had kept silent for the most part.
"Is everybody happy with Chinese for dinner?" Elijah asked within the vehicle, to which Jonas and I both agreed. It was about eight o'clock and with cash in hand Jonas departed our company. Presumably to fetch the Chinese from the little shop I'd seen back on the corner. "Now for a room." Elijah announced easily as he removed the keys from the ignition and unbuckled himself.
"A room?" I queried.
"Yes. Two actually. We're staying here for the night." I looked out at the hotel rooms lining two levels of what was a very clean looking establishment.
"Can we do that?"
"I believe so. We've travelled a sufficient distance via a multitude of criss-crossing routes. No-one's shown any sign of chasing you. So I think we've earned ourselves the comfort of a bed to sleep in tonight."
"Only two rooms, you said?"
"Yes." I nodded slowly, not having a problem with the proposed arrangement, nor jumping for joy at having to share. "Is that a problem?" Elijah pressed.
"Nope. I suppose you and I will be sharing?" Came my measured answer before I too unbuckled my seat belt.
"We will. Your safety being paramount." Again I nodded.
A short time later Elijah and I had settled into our room, while Jonas was next door with the TV on. Ours was on also, but neither of us seemed to be actually paying attention to it. I had been trying to watch, but with Elijah's eyes on me constantly it was hard to keep up with the program. We hadn't really said much since leaving Jonas after eating the Chinese, but the tension in the room was hardly awkward. In the end I turned my head to lock eyes with Elijah confidently and asked him if there was something he wanted to say.
"There are many things I want to say. But if I may, I'd like to apologise." He opened honestly to which the corners of my mouth lifted slightly upwards. "You're afraid of something." Re-entering the topic I'd assumed we'd now forget I nearly rolled my eyes. "But I think I believe you. You're not afraid of me."
"I'm glad you're catching on." My tone was surprised, almost cautious and he surveyed me for a moment. "So does this mean you're not going to keep pushing at me about it?" A wry smile was his initial response.
"Am I that predictable?"
"You have your moments." My tone was somewhat affectionate for the moment.
"All I know, is that you are afraid. I thought it was something relating to myself. But today when we stopped for lunch, I believe you enlightened me. I was mistaken." Elijah finished sombrely then stood from his seat at the small table and slowly walked towards me. Curious, I watched him approach. When he arrived before me Elijah offered his upturned hands. I stared at them dumbly for a few moments. "Take my hands, Elena." He encouraged. My fingers itched to do as he asked, but unsure of what was going on I was hesitant.
Finally I did, raising my hands somewhat shakily to rest them in his. Elijah then pulled me up to stand before him.
"What?-"
"Shh." He titled his head slightly. "I was harsh with you this morning. That wasn't fair of me. Your displeasure with this day as a whole has not gone unnoticed by me. This should be a time for you to be free of all turmoil. You're free of Klaus for now." I shrugged.
"It's fine."
"It is not." Elijah's tone was adamant.
"Today wasn't all bad." I countered. "We've beaten Klaus. Essentially." I was pregnant after all. We had done great. What we'd set out to do. Not everything was a given just yet. Only when Klaus was dead could that be said. Elijah drew me in closer his eyes soft and lids at half mast. Then rotating his hand around my wrist he directed my hand up towards his face until he could rest the backs of my curled fingers against his right cheek. Skin heating up Elijah released my other hand, dropped his arm below it to put his hand on my waist. My loose hand now resting on his arm he gazed at me.
"We did an amazing job of that." He murmured as our noses came close to touching. Heart leaping in my chest the right hand corner of my mouth drew even higher into a slight smirk. "Elena," he began in whisper. "For my benefit. Can you prove to me that you're not afraid?" Curiously lifting my somewhat lowered eyelids a little I stared at him. His own eyes welcomed my gaze then slowly gestured down to my lips before maintaining eye contact. I realised he wanted me to make a move.
"You want me to, to kiss you?" He released my hand at his cheek and I lowered it to rest on the side of his neck.
"Whatever pleases you." Instantly my mind screamed of keeping him at a distance and removing myself from his person. But at the same time that would only make him angry with me like this morning. He wanted proof. Not a commitment. He just wanted to know for sure that I wasn't afraid of him. I could do that for him couldn't I? I could.
"Well, a kiss would be the logical thing to do. Standing as we are."
"It would be." We seemed to move a fraction closer then, but still our lips weren't touching. Being in this proximity was delicious. Though we'd only been close like this over night it seemed like it'd been an age since then.
"So a kiss will prove I'm unafraid, of you?" Came my slow murmur.
"It has the possibility to." What did I have to lose? It was just a kiss. As I considered doing so the seconds ticked by. "I know you're capable of it. You wanted to when we broke apart to eat earlier," he accused. Huh. Presumptuous of him.
"So did you." My voice was breathy.
"Very much so." I allowed my fingers to curl around the back of his neck while my thumb took to stroking the side.
"Then why didn't you? You'd known I wasn't afraid then."
"I had my suspicions." Admitted Elijah. "However, only now am I willing to risk confirming them."
"There isn't that much risk involved." Elijah exhaled slowly and shut his eyes for a moment.
"Are you stalling?"
"No. It's just, we did this and more the other night. I didn't fear you then, and I don't now. Nothing's changed."
"I'm very close to believing that." With that he moved his hand on my waist around to my back while his other swept some hair back over my right ear. "Excruciatingly close." He added as the second hand left my length of hair to slide back over my shoulder so that arm could also wrap itself around me.
I decided then to put him out of his misery. It was hardly difficult to join our mouths. They were both right there a whisper of space between them. Initially it was I moving my lips against Elijah's. Like he required me to possess the initiative to feel in control, thus unafraid. But then he made a deep noise of approval and held me firmly against him while returning my kiss with an heated intensity. Having jumped to the conclusion that this would never, ever happen again I cherished every movement and resulting sensation. There was no fear that I wouldn't remember this correctly. I just wanted it. My only complaint was when Elijah broke our mouths and put a stop to the kiss. He'd pulled his head back, but mine had extended forward slightly trying to follow. Retracting it I took in his relief.
"Wasn't I just the fool?" He breathed rhetorically.
"Yes, you were." I smirked.
"I was well aware without your answer." Came his good-humoured response.
"Just, making sure you were well informed." I justified evenly.
"I won't doubt you again." I only smiled and Elijah slowly unwound his arms from around me. "And maybe you'll tell me what you're really afraid of," he threw in gently. "Would you prefer to bathe first?" I'd known that regardless of whether my fear was of him or not that he would still want me to talk about it. Accepting we separated and I went to suss out the adjoining ensuite. We definitely weren't at your regular motel. This place was immaculate. Nothing too fancy, but clean and homely with some real comforts.
There was a lovely big bath as the base of the shower, and single use capsules of bubble bath on the sink to it's side. Stroking my hands over the towels I found them soft and welcoming. The allure of the bath was strong, but I didn't want to hold Elijah's own refreshment up. Considering him he appeared in the mirror above the sink holding up his mobile. I glanced to him, then to it and back to him.
"It's Klaus. He wants to speak with you." It took me a second to comprehend him.
"I don't want to talk to him." I responded plainly. Klaus would have heard me, but it wasn't going to cause trouble. After what he'd made me do I didn't think when he finally caught up with me that I should be happy. I would be troubled. After all, I was. But I was working on living with it. When I was interacting with Klaus I should probably be miserable about everything. Elijah and I hadn't discussed it but I assumed that's how I should be. After frowning and lowering his eyes to the phone he returned them to me.
"To quote my brother: You will, or I will make you." Elijah's tone was even and I assessed him curiously for any sign of how I should continue. "Elena. The phone."
"No." Elijah returned his eyes to the phone, presumably as Klaus was speaking again.
"As you wish." Elijah spoke in a tone that spoke nothing of any desire to please. I waited a few moments, unsure of what he'd agreed to. "He's no longer on the line."
"What-? Why?"
"Because you're being difficult, he's going to close on some business he's yet to. He'll be ringing back in about five minutes. At that time he expects you to speak to him."
"Is there anything else? Are you meant to be making me in these five minutes?"
"No. Merely reminding you of what's at stake if you maintain disobedience."
"Like I don't know." Considering as much as I could I bit down on my lower lip. "What do I do?" I was not impressed with the neediness that crept into my voice. Elijah 's features conveyed some surprise, then his eyes darkened and he closed the space between us. "Whatever feels appropriate. You've handled Klaus throughout all this. You're more than capable of dealing with him now." Nodding I composed myself. He was right. I shouldn't have needed him to tell me so, but it had seemed natural to ask for guidance. "But you knew that," he pointed out softly, his eyes capturing mine again.
"Yes. I suppose I did." The blush creeping upon my face was relentless. It was slow, but intense. Elijah's eyes were smiling while the left corner of his mouth was tugged upwards in a half smile.
"Hmm." Was all he managed to reply before the phone rang again.
"It's not been five minutes."
"No. But it is Klaus." He supplied while looking at its screen before assessing me. "Are you ready for him?" I nodded my head in accent and Elijah brought the phone up to his ear, pressing a button to accept the call as he did. "Klaus. You're early." He paused while presumably Klaus spoke. "Only trying again will tell. Elena?" I trained my focus on him at the mention of my name. He lowered the phone from his ear and held it before him. "Would you like to speak to Klaus?"
"No." I began, watching as Elijah tilted his head to listen to whatever Klaus must have been saying again. "But I will." I finished in a grumble. Elijah's attention was back on me at once as he handed me the phone.
"I'm here." My announcement was mono-toned.
"So you are." Klaus' voice sounded almost surprised. Perhaps he was intrigued that I'd relented so soon.
"Love, how are you keeping? Am I sensing the return of your attitude?"
"No."
"No?"
"Consider it, displeasure. You made me kill someone." My tone was impressively flat. It gave me confidence that I could maintain this when Klaus and I were reunited.
"About that, you helped more than anything else." Taking my time to formulate my reply the silence down our phone line felt wired with simmering tension. While Klaus had dulled the description on exactly what we'd done together the other night. I knew not why he bothered to do so.
"Why are you calling?" Finally left my mouth as I moved over and sat on the side of the bath.
"To see how you are." He finally answered after a long pause. "You were very shaken when you left." His tone of voice was gentle which I had to assume was a change from just prior.
"Funny that." Another pause.
"Is Elijah treating you well?"
"I'm not happy to be stuck with him, if that's what you're getting at."
"That's somewhat relieving to hear. I must admit I'd been concerned you might find him more appealing, after the other night's events. And because he comforted you when I could not."
"He didn't comfort me. I'm beyond that."
"I see." Klaus began then paused and continued in a lower voice. "I did want to be there for you, you know. Your first kill is always memorable." Half of how he'd spoken sounded like he was upset with himself. But the latter had only showcased his willingness to kill.
"You make that sound like it's something to relish in."
"It is. But that's off topic. I would have been there with you. You'd seemed quite fine when I left you, and I had business to attend to. So I put my faith in your strong character. But it seems you needed someone then and I would have liked to be him." As though having enough of him I felt no need to respond. But the silence stretching between us again was increasing Klaus' irritability. I could predict it. This tension I tried to ignore in order to keep myself in the character I'd chosen was so obvious without actually being so. "Elena," it was a warning. "Say something." When I didn't I heard his growl. "Answer me. I can hear you breathing. I understand you're doing it rough, but I am trying here. You've been so good for me to date, you deserve my compassion. I do not give it freely."
"I don't want to talk. I don't want to do anything." I heard him sigh into the phone.
"When I give you immortality, that will change, my love. You'll have a whole world to focus on. In time how you're feeling will seem so insignificant. I promise you that." This show of reasoned comfort from Klaus was interesting. Barbaric, but interesting. He was trying. But all he'd just said made my blood boil in anger.
"I want to hang up." I managed. Some of my anger filling my voice as I ground out my words through clenched teeth.
"Elena. Are you appreciating what it takes for me to converse with you in this way? I'm far too proud for this, but I'm making the effort. For you." He rattled off in frustration.
"I'm hearing you, but I really don't want to." I allowed my voice to waver somewhat. Bringing out the big guns looked imminent. That was going to involve picturing that young girl's face again and how frightened she was. It made me nauseous just doing so. I hated exploiting her, but right now that hatred and frustration only spurred on the despair I was trying to tap into. Yes, it was proving helpful as my eyes were now excessively moist, but it was vicious to use the girl in this way.
"Hear me. Believe me. Pick yourself up. Soon we'll be together again and things will be as they were. Perhaps you're in need of my presence, you've grown rather attached of late. We're so close now, just hang in there. Where's that strength you've always exhibited?" Tears overflowing from my eyes I was on the brink. My emotions spun tight and ready to let go. As I prepared to speak it all rushed out of me and when next I spoke I cried down the phone.
"I don't need anyone! I don't need you," I paused for a choking breath. "Elijah, or Jonas." After another pause in which I took a shaky breath, I groaned my next words down the phone. "Not unless they can erase what I've done. Please, let me hang up." I broke into sobs. "Please." Now it was Klaus' turn to commence a silence. When he finally spoke again it was quiet and controlled.
"Don't hang up. Give the phone back to Elijah, I want to speak with him." With that I immediately started distancing the phone from my ear. But was still able to hear him wish me good night. I gave no farewell and continued to hand the phone back to Elijah as I continued to sob. Through the pain and overwhelming misery I'd pushed myself to revisit I offered him a grim upward pull of my mouth. But it was fleeting and once he'd repossessed the phone my mourning grew stronger and I sat back on the side of the bath, collapsed my upper body forward and sobbed into my hands.
Elijah had followed me as I'd distanced myself from him and placed a hand firmly on my left shoulder, giving it a comforting squeeze. Slowly looking up at him I caught his meaningful look of accent pertaining to how I'd chosen to act. It only made me feel worse and my tears increased so I went back to hiding my face in my hands as powerful sobs shook my body.
"You required me?" Asked Elijah after raising the phone to his ear. "The whole time we've been on the road." He supplied presumably in response to something Klaus had said. Then there was a similar silence before he answered. "She seems most at peace when she sleeps." Again there was silence. "Actually, she's been sleeping most of the time." Here Elijah'd inflected some concern into his response. "Yes. She's otherwise in good health."
Their conversation went on for a little longer before Elijah announced Klaus had ceased interrupting my free time from him. Releasing my shoulder he moved around my unresponsive mess perched on the side of the bathtub and sat next to me. Still overcome with my heightened grief I saw no reason to acknowledge him, nor did I think I was capable. This suffocating sadness had me in it's clutches again. Only when Elijah wound his arm around me did I have an issue with his presence. His hold was gently pressing me to lean against him into his chest and I wasn't keen on that so I tried to resist him.
"No." I stated pitifully, gulping in air as I continued to sob while pushing away from Elijah with my arms. "Don't make it worse." He counteracted my manoeuvres easily and soon had me in his chest.
"I'm making it better. In the long run, remember?" Still I struggled, pushing and shoving my arms somewhat before finally giving into him and taking comfort in Elijah. Crying away I gripped his shirt in my fists tightly while Elijah soothed me with kind words and praise.
After a time it seemed I'd cried myself out and began breathing slowly. Elijah hadn't moved and had both his arms around me, holding me tight. Sniffing the moisture within my nose I let go of his shirt and rubbed at my eyes.
"Can you let me go now please?" My voice was hoarse.
"Certainly."
"Thank you." I whispered. Once I was free I stood while Elijah remained seated. Gathering my emotions and thoughts I leant against the wall opposite him and asked the story behind his responses to Klaus. The impression he'd given Klaus turned out to be that I was still just as traumatised and tormented by recent events as when I'd left. The details were easy enough to follow and I stored them away for when I'd be reunited with him. Then I directed my thoughts to our earlier kiss. After having indulged in my mourning and guilt again I felt it crucial to be clear with Elijah. To hell with what I wanted. With what I had been working so hard to cherish between him and I since realising I was going to be killed in the near future. There was nothing for us any more. No point to our connection, because everything was coming to an end. No longer would I hope for any particular interaction with him. It was time to avoid that. Perhaps even the slightest accomplishment in doing so would make me feel better about losing him altogether. Like I could handle that in the end when it would be resolute. Acknowledging this did nothing to ease how miserable I was feeling.
"I think I'll go and inform Jonas of our phone call and the story we're to stick to." As he volunteered this Elijah stood and started making his way to the door.
"Elijah?" Stopping he turned slightly to face me and gave me all his attention. "About earlier. When we kissed." My voice was dull. "I want you to know it was just a kiss. I'm not afraid of you. I never will be. But it was just a kiss. It has to be." I paused for breath. "I'm to die soon." He surveyed me with a worrisome expression for what seemed the longest time. When eventually he took a step towards me I drew myself up to my full height and tensed, my facial expression fiercely opposing the notion of him coming closer. We stood like this as though in a stand off until Elijah made a big show of retracting his step and backing to the door.
"Elena, you're upset. Perhaps a bath might soothe you some." Staring at Elijah grateful for him giving me space yet desperate for him to accept my reasoning, fresh tears fell from my eyes. "Please. Take as much time as you need." Encouraging me further he gave a nod and left closing the door behind him. The agony of him not even acknowledging what I'd just said left me standing silently as more and more tears travelled down my face.
