Author's babble: Hello all. I'm forever apologising to you lovely folks. I will continue this story, especially since I'm to the pointy end now. It's all set out in my mind, and recorded so that it works out on paper as well. It's just a matter of writing it.
Unfortunately, or rather fortunately, for me (and my life away from the computer), I've landed myself a new job which requires me to study as well. Looong hours and having to keep my mind focussed on alternate things isn't helpful to the productiveness of this story. But I won't abandon it.
Thank you to the new favouriters and the comments they are just as lovely as all of you. Do enjoy and I hope you can tolerate my snail paced production :P.
CHAP 58:
"Alright." Elijah announced then paused and his shoulders slumped slightly. I'd noticed he'd been tense. But it was only now how tightly wound he was, became obvious. "Klaus is far enough away now that we can cease our alternate behaviours. But," a stress releasing exhale rather than one of real necessity left him before he continued. "We need a system of warning. I will ensure I'm aware of his possible approach at all times, and inform you. Shall we decide on a word to serve as a signal?" Elijah hadn't turned around or looked into the rear vision mirror to make eye contact with me yet and I found it unsettling. While he was a little relaxed, he was still wired from whatever stress was affecting him.
"Sure." I accepted quietly. "What word?"
"Moonstone." His tone was a little dark.
"Moonstone?" It was an odd choice.
"Yes. Appropriate?"
"Well, it shouldn't come up in general conversation. So, yes."
"Good. Now, we must be on our way." Opening his door then, Elijah was suddenly outside the car, so I quickly followed suit and stepped out into the cold night air.
"I'm sorry," I blurted suddenly.
"As am I," he retorted hollowly. There were no specifics to his apology. Baulking from his tone I tried to assess what he was sorry for as he popped the boot and busied himself with something. There were many possibilities. Jonas for starters. Whatever was wrong, I felt guilty for not knowing what. Nor how long he'd been battling with whatever it was, no matter how silently till now. Unfortunately I'd had to focus on my act and Klaus.
"I-." Elijah straightened and finally looked at me and I lost my voice. Gazing back at him quizzically. "Are, you alright?" I asked awkwardly, feeling a fool for not having even a minuscule grasp on his dilemma.
"Fine." Assessing him for a moment I took in his appearance. Though looking as fresh as a well-rested human an hour after waking, he wasn't what he should be. But the limited street lighting might be influencing my eyes. Still, he never looked remotely exhausted without reason. Perhaps I was tapping into our connection as well. So I supposed I could put a little more faith in what my gut was telling me instead of questioning it. The fact that I hadn't been intuitive to it upset me.
"I'm sorry." left my mouth sadly once I found my voice. It was repetition, but this apology felt more complex than the last. To me at least.
"Yes." There was a hint of amusement in his voice now.
"For calling you a murderer. For saying I hate you. Not just Klaus. I-." Beginning to ramble I wondered if I'd stop in time before disclosing neglecting him and our connection. But Elijah cut me off.
"You didn't mean it. It was part of the act." He assured seriously. Amusement had left the building.
"Yes but-."
"You recall I've told you you're ever required to apologise to me?"
"Elijah. Stop shutting me down." I bit back firmly. Making some noise before I saw his suitcase Elijah removed it from the boot and closed the hatch. It hadn't occurred to me that he'd have brought his stuff along into our latest ride. I supposed my bought belongings would be in there too. It would explain where my robe had got to today. Straightening, he gave me his full attention.
"I apologise. Free of Klaus I don't have to keep everything in check. So it's all swarming to attention."
"Care to talk about it?" I asked slowly. Despite maintaining eye contact Elijah remained silent so I took it upon myself to see if I could direct him into sharing. "You're not a murderer."
"The definition of murder might say otherwise." I shook my head.
"You were forced. In a sense it was a mercy killing. You know Klaus wouldn't have been so swift. He'd have drawn out Jonas'," I paused as my voice threatened to break. Elijah opened his mouth as if to respond and I shook my head again indicating that he stay silent. "Suffering. But you're not a murderer and I didn't want to throw that in your face. For whatever reason you had to do what you did." I defended. "Just, the situation, and with Klaus. Even though earlier on I was cooperative with you regarding Klaus' control over me. Even as I pushed you away. It made sense to be at odds with both of you now. You've restrained me, even if you haven't exactly been one of his lackies. I felt like I had to take things up a notch, so thought it best to attack you as well. Not just physically. It was all I could think of. It seemed relevant."
"It was best. Is. You are not the issue." Elijah assured me gently. "How could you be?" Though quiet, his voice strained and his face was overwhelmed with what I detested seeing in him. Pity for me.
"But-."
"Elena. Nothing you could say in apology truly needs saying. I accept it all without question. If it makes you feel better, then I can listen. But there's no need on my behalf." Breaking eye contact and turning to lean back against the side of the car I shifted my right foot slightly on the gravel.
"I don't apologise for myself. I know why I do the things I do, you're still on the outside to a degree. It's to clarify, so we're on the same page. Or to make amends for something I did, whether forced or not. Just as you. A lot can get lost in translation." Came my cool response.
"Very well." I turned my head when I noticed he'd lifted the suitcase, watched him step closer to me and extend his arm, presumably for me to take.
"What's wrong?" I questioned gently.
"So many things. But we need to move, Elena."
"Can I opt for staying where we are until you quit avoiding my questions, exonerations and concern?"
"No. We need to relocate, as soon as possible."
"Then," I began and trailed off as I considered throwing a slight insult at him. Testing the affect my words might have on him despite not being forced to say such things. In that time he'd taken a step closer and opened his hand. "I suggest you take a leaf out of your brother's book and move me against my will." Arm dropping to his side Elijahs' gaze left me completely.
"I am not my brother." he spoke barely above a whisper. Was that a statement or a mantra? It seemed to be spoken to himself. Pushing off the car I stepped over to Elijah and took the hand he'd previously offered in mine, and gave it a squeeze.
"I know that." I assured. "As do you." He shook his head and a bitter chuckle came from him.
"Not with any measure of certainty." Now there was guilt to ad to his pity. For what exactly I had yet to work out. Though I had enough suspicion to join the dots with ease. Perhaps it was everything. Though nothing had particularly changed, apart from Jonas' death.
"Klaus is horrible. You are far from that, Elijah." I assured while rubbing my free hand up his forearm.
"Jonas might have a different view." Guilt from killing his friend.
"I don't think so. Everything that led to his and Greta's deaths was Klaus' doing. I didn't kill Greta, but I was going to be the cause if she'd survived long enough. But Klaus asked her to perform magic on me. Who knows, the bits of magic Jonas did might have done the same to him in time. I know how responsible that can make you feel."
"He was starting to experience some side affects. Despite his limited use against you." My jaw dropped and I took in a shaky breath. I'd have killed Jonas too. He was probably keeping it to himself not to worry me or Elijah. But then, he'd obviously told Elijah. "He didn't say as such. But the changes in his body due to the pain, slight as it was, was noticeable to myself. Quite obvious after he performed the pregnancy spell on you the other day, actually. Nothing like Greta had, but it would have developed, no doubt." So he hadn't told Elijah.
"I-. I wish he'd have said something."
"You know he wouldn't have wanted to worry you. He was a great man." A respectful silence lingered between us then.
"Elijah," I began after a time. "I know you're hurting." Sniffing once, he turned his face and met my eyes with his. "But you've been manipulated the whole way through this. I don't know what went on between you and Klaus back, there-." I couldn't reference the shopping centre with any specifics. "But I know you'd have wished to do anything other than kill your friend." Elijah struggled to offer me a pained smile, then drew me against him for a hug.
"I know that. Despite struggling with it. That you know this without even questioning the details on why I did it, helps."
"You shouldn't need me," I offered kindly. "You gave his death purpose by drinking from him."
"Blood had never tasted so vile."
"I can only imagine." I replied while we still stood arms wrapped around each other.
"Can we possibly move onto our next destination yet? You'll be safer there than out here where the air can travel your scent.
"It's that risky being outside?" I asked while detaching myself from him
"Can be. A risk we should avoid since you'll be confined to another location for an unknown period of time."
"Let's go. I only made a fuss because you're worrying me."
"I can appreciate that now." He offered warmly and wrapped his arm around my waist. Then ducking I found myself being carried bridal style. I had enough time to see Elijah had a hold of the suitcase in the hand of the arm beneath my knees. Before he busied me with a request. "Arms around my neck." He directed and once I'd done so we were moving. Everything was a blur, so fast I shut my eyes in fear of feeling nauseous. I couldn't tell how long it took us to arrive wherever we were. But it'd be hardly worth mentioning compared to other methods of travel humans were used to. I was cold too, from the sharp night air whipping around us and scalding my skin. When Elijah put me down I held onto him as my balance was off and seeing me shiver he took off his jacket and hung it over my shoulders
"My apologies, I should have given you my jacket before we commenced movement."
"It's fine." He rubbed up and down my arms with his free hand through the jacket to assist in generating some heat as we made our way to our destination and the reception we had to process ourself through. We had to wait a little while to successfully rouse the clerk in attendance and receive our room. During which time I could sense some rare frustration in Elijah as he continued to assist warming me up.
Once in our room Elijah'd suggested I hop in the shower or the bed to warm up. But I opted for sitting on the small sofa with his jacket still on, and my robe covering my knees as I sat with them drawn up in front of me on the small sofa. With my back against the arm rest I remained quiet while Elijah moved about our room, assessing it.
"Have you been churning Jonas' death over the whole time?" Came my timid enquiry. It was only once the words left my mouth that I lifted my gaze to find him. He was across the room and simply gazed back at me for a moment.
"Among, other things."
"I should have known." He began moving then, venturing toward me.
"Should have known I wasn't as I'd portrayed?"
"Yeah."
"If you had, you might have given something away to Klaus. I had to keep my composure. For myself and for you." He rounded the sofa and gracefully lowered himself to sit on it before me.
"So you did something to keep me from picking up on it?" I queried confusion and he nodded "Still. We're connected. Surely I could have picked up on something."
"It was my own act. You had yours to concentrate on."
"I thought we were stronger than that." It didn't make sense. I really should have known, something. "Is there something wrong with me?" There was despair in my voice. In the back of my mind I wondered if being magically tampered with had done something to my bond with Elijah. He shifted closer and put his hands on my drawn legs.
"Are you still cold?"
"A bit." He lifted them enough for my feat to clear his lap and lay them down across his, readjusting the robe so that it covered my legs and he began rubbing up and down my pins through the material, creating warmth.
"As a human, you cannot hope to decipher aspects of our connection when I school myself to the extreme. If I didn't hide it all, Klaus would have picked up on my internal demeanour. As would you, and your compassion would have put you off your act. I'm unsure whether hiding myself was necessary, but it seemed appropriate. More so, for your benefit." He justified. "If you were a vampire our connection would allow you to see right through what Klaus perceived, to the truth. After disrespecting Jonas so, I would have been screaming it, I assure you. No matter how composed I kept myself, there'd be no hiding from you." I felt less left out after his explanation.
"Is that the same as shutting down your emotions?"
"No. Just slipping into a different character. A more complex one."
"All I picked up on was how stressed you seemed." Elijah nodded. "You shouldn't have had to do that. You'd enough on your plate."
"It had to be done. We endure the worst to produce the best outcome." Looking down at my legs I took a deep breath. We sure did.
"Like leaving him in that boot." My tone was reflective of us living with that knowledge rather than what had happened to the warlock.
"Precisely." Elijah agreed darkly.
"That didn't sound right. Jonas got the short end of the stick with that, not us." We were silent again.
"I appreciated your acceptance and support when I drank from him." Elijah ventured.
"It was what it was. I won't judge you, Elijah." Glancing up sincerely, before looking down again.
"Still. Jonas wasn't a random source of food. It was more personal. It would be completely understandable for that to have been, disgusting." The bitterness in his voice made his words gruff. Eyes up and connected with his again I offered a grim upward curve to my mouth.
"It gave his death purpose. For whatever reason you were to end him- I'm sure there was purpose there as well. But I don't know that. All I know is you took something from him that sustained you. You've told me to focus on that. So it made sense." He ceased rubbing my legs then.
"If Jonas was to ever make a move, or serious threat against Klaus he was to be disposed of. As are any of Klaus' witches. I was presented with that necessity, as are his comrades. I only wish Klaus hadn't provoked him. How else would he have acted knowing he'd lost the one thing left in this world for him?" Elijah stated while looking at me intensely. Because I was the one thing in the world for him and he dreaded having to lose me. The intensity of his stare was breathtaking. I had to clear my throat as emotion seemed to paralyse it.
"That's horrible. You-. You would have known where things were heading as soon as Klaus said Greta was gone."
"I did." he conceded. Flicking my eyes all over his face sympathetically having read the strain this was on him I used my arms to lift my bum and moved forward onto Elijahs closest thigh, while my legs hung down to the floor between his own. Raising my arms I draped them over his shoulders and curled my hands up around and behind his head guiding his head to me. I held him comfortingly against my collar bone. Initially his only response was to press his lips press against my skin and wrap his arms stiffly around my waist. But finally he relaxed into me and his breathing slowed to a more relaxed pace indicative of a vampire.
Elijah'd always been at the forefront of all that we were working towards. He had a lot to focus on. But the pressure was building up. Jonas held such worth to Elijah and now he'd lost him. Yes, Jonas had betrayed us earlier on. But his actions had been honourable. Elijah respected honour.
"Your remorse proves you're nothing like you're brother. Even if you want to class it as murder. You facilitated Jonas' end with integrity." I whispered after Elijah'd been relaxed for about ten minutes.
"My concern isn't that single act alone." He answered slowly, like each word was difficult to pronounce.
"There's more?" My concern was obvious. He deserved a break. Not a mountain of worries.
"Much. Too much." I hesitated, wanting to discuss them all with him, but knowing he might prefer to keep things to himself to process, first.
"Too much?" I repeated in question. No way would I volunteer he keep it all to himself, even for now. I was here for him and up for anything he might want to discuss
"Too much to even begin discussing." He'd made the call and didn't want to talk about it. I could respect that. Despite wanting to know his troubles. We sat this way for a while before I opted for the earlier suggested shower and vacated Elijah altogether while doing so. Apparently Jonas had magically cleaned some of my already used clothes so I had something fresh to wear once I'd washed. After a full on couple of days the simplicity was welcome.
When I'd finished and left the adjoining bathroom Elijah was still sitting on the sofa. But he'd switched the TV on and the volume was too silent for me to hear, though he'd have no problem. He didn't seem all that engrossed in what was on though. The screen and sounds seemed to serve as background activity as he sat submerged in his thoughts. Leaving him to himself I climbed into the double bed and despite my role consisting of a lot of sleep, went to bed in search of some.
It was still dark when I next woke. Suddenly, and I sat bolt upright in bed. Something had woken me and I wasn't sure what until I heard thunder rippling off into silence. Steadying my breathing I looked around for Elijah and found a dark form by my side of the bed. My laboured breaths paused momentarily while my heartbeat picked up.
"Elena, are you alright?" The form enquired and I exhaled. It was Elijah. My mind had initially assumed he'd be the only one in here, but my quick transition to fear had swept that reasoning aside.
"Yeah. Just startled, or something-." I heard him move and the bedside lamp came on then dimmed right down.
"The storm?" Yawning I ran my hand back through my hair, capturing strands and guiding them away from my face. "I suppose. The thunder's what woke me," I explained while another rumble started.
"And then you picked up on an ominous dark presence by your form." He spoke lightly, humour warming him. That improvement from earlier alone, made me smile sleepily.
"I, knew it was you. Then doubted myself."
"That's what I get for sitting here in the dark."
"Watching me sleep again, were you?" Eyes narrowing good humouredly I raised my right eyebrow in accusation.
"Can't help myself." Lying back down I turned onto my side still looking at him.
"I'm sure you could." He chuckled softly then."How are you, now?" I enquired tentatively and his eyes roamed my face.
"Better. I'm sorry for my mood earlier."
"You know, I think that no apology rule you've given me should be reversible." I suggested easily. "It didn't do me any harm. My concern was, is, you." We were silent amidst a number of rumbles of thunder then. "If, or when you want to talk about it. Anything. I'm your ears. If not. I understand."
"Indeed. More than most." Elijah agreed with feeling. "However, it'd be hypocritical of me to bury things and not share. Don't you think?"
"I wouldn't judge." I replied lightly.
"No you wouldn't. Because you're wonderful and understanding." I narrowed my eyes at his flattery.
"Are you directing our conversation away from your troubles, now?" Elijah chuckled.
"Momentarily. Delaying the burden, so-to-speak." I rose my eyebrows.
"Nothing about you is a burden. He quirked his mouth slightly upwards and gazed at me appreciatively for a moment before deep thought was expressed on his face and he slowly dropped his gaze down to the edge of the mattress.
"You, frighten me." Frowning as I tried to comprehend his statement Elijah lifted his head and connected our gazes. "Mentioning this is redundant, as I wouldn't have it any other way." Frowning, I stared back at him.
"I, frighten you?" I asked in clarification.
"Yes."
"I'm just a human, Elijah." I offered kindly. "You're an Original. There's nothing I could do to you." He chuckled with mild amusement.
"You're far more powerful than you give yourself credit for, regardless of your status." I shifted a little on the bed as I considered him.
"What do you mean?"
"I would do the most unspeakable things, for you." He spoke with desperation and horror, but also with pride. "Klaus is a monster. But if the circumstances called for it, I would be just the same. To date, our circumstances have called for a measure of horrid actions on my part. Which I have willingly partaken in."
"No. No you wouldn't. You're not Klaus. And anything he forces you to do cannot be helped." I countered as I sat up again. Adjusting the pillow behind me against the bed head while keeping my eyes on Elijah.
"I may be more controlled, reason such horrors to save my conscience. But you're a force to be reckoned with, Elena. Even now, I can't mourn Jonas. Not properly. I justify his death so strongly with you, that I'm not sorry for his passing at all."
"I-." I began but really didn't know what to say. Confusion and liability clouded my brain and I stared at Elijah as though what he'd said was incomprehensible.
"Like I said. I've no issue with your affect on me, per se. It's what stems from that. My grief, or rather the lack of closure of it leaves me in a precarious state." So he was unable to mourn. That wasn't healthy.
"You need to mourn, Elijah."
"I feel like, doing so wouldn't be genuine."
"You knew Jonas for a very long time. He knew you quite well as a result. I'm sure he would understand your feeling this way. But it's not wrong or unworthy of even attempting. He was most intrigued by how I affected you. Shortly after I met him he told me so. I'm sure, your impasse regarding your loss would be completely understood by him."
"I can only hope." Elijah found my left hand and held it in his, fingers entwined while silence stretched between us as we looked at each other. "Would you believe in all my existence I've never been in love, prior to you?" I let his admission sink in for a moment. With a small smile I kept with the lighter topic.
"Is this another, problem? And if so, should I be offended?" Elijah chuckled.
"Not completely."
"Geeze. That puts me at ease." I countered jokingly.
"I'm concerned my feelings will cloud my judgement regarding Turning you."
"I trust you. You'll know what's right. That has to count for something." I replied confidently.
"Certainly. And my experience in this world should hold some merit. Instead, I'm doubting myself. This is somewhat uncharted territory for me. Not loving you. But maintaining your best interests as more and more pressure builds. To be honest I had hoped we'd have more time. So that I might become more comfortable with the pressure you put on me."
"Pressure?"
"Again, you're not the problem. Just what's surrounded by them." He assured. "I don't want to Turn you because of how I feel. What you feel must come first. I've more faith in your perspective than mine. So I propose to inform you throughout, but the decision to be Turned must be yours."
" But-."
"Consider it. Please." I nodded my head once. "You've always had such a secure mentality toward everything that's been thrown at you, Elena. I respect that. Am proud to have such faith in you. I can't trust myself. But you, I trust implicitly. It should be your choice. I will enlighten you to it. But you must ask me to be Turned. I'm too unsure of myself to act." He paused and his eyes bored into mine while I stopped breathing. "I wouldn't want to miss the opportunity." The opportunity to be with me, forever. Goosebumps ignited my skin in response, and it had nothing to do with the climate in the room. Elijah, as though casually noticing this used his free hand to place his fingers at my elbow and run them down my forearm. Viewing my dimpled skin as though cataloguing every pore.
"I'm sure it's not that bad, Elijah." I reassured. "You're confused."
"Quite. And yet, not at the same time. I know I love you. That I'd do anything for you. That Klaus must be put down at all costs. Yes, allowing you to live on denies all costs. But I don't want to lose. Against Klaus. Or, you." What he was explaining showcased his bias. His end goal was no longer all about Klaus. Nor had it been for the last little while, I supposed. But we were getting close now. If Elijah couldn't accept all the responsibility, then I'd gladly help. I was the least capable pawn in all of this. I could take on this burden for him. After all, the fact that I had complete faith in him held no comfort for him whatsoever. The truth was, he knew how he felt, and I, only the half of it. I could do this for Elijah. We're a partnership and I'd do my best to help any way I could.
"Okay. It's on me. I'm just as serious now as I was when bringing it up." Elijah gave me hand a squeeze. "If I ask-."
"Which you don't need to do now. Leave it until we know what's happening for sure." I nodded.
"If I ask and you don't think I can handle it. I would never hold it against you, in any capacity if you don't Turn me in the end. For whatever reason." He squeezed my hand again before speaking in a murmur.
"There's four more days till the next full moon. If Klaus finds you pregnant, this may all come to an end very quickly. I trust that you're ready for his agitation, and possibly traumatic proceedings."
"I-. I've noticed the moon. But in the last little while I'd avoided working out how much time we had left." I trailed off. "But I'm as ready as I'll ever be." He smiled.
"Confronting, isn't it?" Elijahs' voice was an ominous sound mixed with a fresh rumble of thunder.
"Yeah." I didn't intend for my voice to sound so sheepish. "Can you tell me what happens during the sacrifice?" Elijah's eyes grew hard.
"You will die. That much is standard. However, I'm hesitant to inform you too much with regard to the details. You've the ability to keep more from Klaus now, but if you regard elements that only Klaus and I have knowledge of, with any measure of familiarity, it might jeopardise our plan."
"I understand." I assured him.
"Having you by my side through this means the world to me, Elena. I've prepared for it for a long time. Never did I expect to have someone to carry the load. You simultaneously strengthen and complicate me and my plans. I wouldn't have it any other way."
Both sharing an understanding and fresh appreciation of each other we listened to the building storm. Eventually I asked him about the likelihood of my scent being tracked on the wind and why that hadn't been a concern up till now. It'd never been brought up before, not even at our first and second safe houses. From that explanation we progressed into a vampire information session loaded with things I had to be aware of when making my upcoming decision. To maintain my act I didn't necessarily need a good night's sleep.
