Disclaimer: White Collar belongs to USA Network and Jeff Eastin.
Chapter 13
Dinner was a somber affair. Peter told El everything that Neal had revealed about the killing in between eating and long silences, while El thoughtfully digested the information. Finally, they both gave up on the meal and, taking the wine with them, moved back to the sofa.
"I was watching Oprah the other day and she had 200 men on the show that had been abused as children. She made a comment that really shocked me; that many victims of abuse would rather die than reveal what had happened to them. What would push two young children to kill a grown man? It's the girl I'm thinking about most. Taking a rock to someone's head, that's so personal. It seems like it wasn't just about killing him but about wiping out his identity." She looked over at Peter for his reaction.
"Well, shooting someone up close with a rifle is not pretty either. To have had the presence of mind to check if he was dead and finish him off rather than running away at the first sight of blood, I agree, it seems very personal. God El, I feel really nauseous right now. This is exactly why I did not get involved with the child crimes unit. I don't have the stomach for it. It makes my blood boil to think of anyone hurting a child."
Peter's face was now flushed with both emotion and the wine he'd been consuming during the conversation.
"If he did something to them, El, I hate to say it, but I'm with the kids on this one. He deserved what he had coming. I know I lecture Neal on seeking justice and not revenge but it doesn't seem so clear when we're talking about child abuse. Eleven: it's so young. Are they even in junior high at eleven?"
"No, I don't think so. Graham's son is eleven, and he's in the fifth grade. He's still a baby," Elizabeth replied sadly.
She thought of her nephew, Evan. He didn't even have pimples yet. His world was full of Harry Potter and playing tag at recess. Her niece was a year younger but seemed more mature that Evan. She remembered her brother laughing about how boys were much slower to mature. Slow starters, fast burners! He had joked to her. Yet, there was Neal at the same age killing someone, while Evan still needed help getting two socks that matched. She sighed.
"So how are we going to play this? What are we going to do with Neal?" Peter asked.
"Honestly, I don't know, hon," Elizabeth replied despairingly. "From what you say, I'm worried that Neal will take off if we push him on it. If you're the first person he's talked to about this in twenty-odd years, it must be traumatizing to even be revisiting it. I think we're going to have to play it by ear and follow his lead. That he trusts you enough to have said anything speaks volumes about how he feels about you, Peter. I wouldn't be offended by his trying to distance himself. It must be terrifying revealing something that's been kept hidden for so long. Just be there for him and wait for him to bring it up. Give him space to feel safe enough to open up again."
"But what if he doesn't, El? He must be feeling like his world is about to collapse. If I were him I would be battening down the hatches."
"Looks like he is already, but with this Walker case, if the woman is the girl he knew, he's not going to have a choice in the matter. He's going to have to face his past. And we all need to be ready to give him a safe place to fall," Elizabeth answered wisely.
They cleared away the dinner dishes in silence, and then Elizabeth went upstairs to get ready for bed while Peter took Satchmo for his evening walk. The fresh air was a welcome respite from the heavy atmosphere he felt in the house. Elizabeth was right of course. Despite his natural instinct to root out all the wrongdoing, he was going to have to rein in his curiosity and let Neal set the pace. He only hoped that there would be time for him before the next bank incident. Maybe the woman had been spooked by the last job and would go to ground. Peter hoped so. The banks could easily weather their losses; eight thousand apiece was nothing to them.
Listen to yourself, Peter. He chided.
Not so black and white now is it?
Just a few hours ago he was all set to see this woman behind bars, and now he had to admit part of him admired her bravery and was already rationalizing her behavior as the result of someone else's actions. That's the problem when life gets in the way. The gray shades appear, and it's not so easy to feel self-righteous. Now, he wondered if it had been him and Elizabeth, instead of Neal and this woman, what would he have done? Of course, he knew fine well what he would have done.
He'd have picked up that rifle and taken that shot, no doubt about it.
TBC
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