Chapter 6: I Don't Want it to Change
The hospital had become Jin's second home. He lived and slept there. Jun was still forced to go to work—she couldn't take any days off, but Jin wasn't faced with such obstacles. He didn't have any other place to go and really the hospital was the only other logical place to be, but this wasn't the real reason he was there. He wanted to stay there. He wanted to see the moment when Kazuya would finally wake from his coma. The doctors hadn't been altogether reassuring about the fact that this was likely to happen. All that they could do at the moment was to make sure that he was comfortable.
The hospital could be a boring place when there was no one to talk to for long periods of time and falling asleep in the chairs provided was hardly comfortable. Jin took to lying his head on the only comfortable spot in the entire room—the bed which took up the majority of the space. Every day, Jin would wake up to a very silent Kazuya and he would sigh solemnly to himself. The guilt became worse and worse and worse. Though Jin hadn't planned on telling Kazuya how exactly he had gotten to a different part of the mall without him noticing, he felt that he owed it to him to do so. Although even now, he was losing his resolve. How might Kazuya react this time? Was there even a way to smooth things over as he usually did? Jin knew that he didn't deserve as much. It was bad enough that he had gotten him into this situation, why add salt to the wound and explain that had he not been a selfish child, you would not have had to go through any of this.
Time was something that Jin hardly noticed on his own. Had Jun not come in and told him how long it had been—Jin would have been completely ignorant of it. One night when he had finally decided to call it quits for the day, he scooted his chair next to the hospital bed and laid his head upon it. This night was different from all the others—he had a dream about his mother, the one who he had left in another time. He remembered the time when his mother would tuck him into bed and insist on reading a bedtime story. Jin never made a fuss about it, he knew that doing such things made her happy and that was the only thing that had counted. Of course, a story would never be enough to tire a rather energetic Jin. It was when she would hum some bedtime tune to him and run her soft fingers through his hair that he would become drowsy. He would remember that he had spent the whole day perhaps doing chores or learning fighting technique from his mom or simply goofing around outside, he would remember that he was indeed tired.
Jin didn't expect to feel something similar to that when he woke up from a sleep that was more restful than most.
"Your hair is the same texture as Jun's."
Jin looked up in amazement when he heard that voice. He sat up from his previous position. "Kazuya, you're awake?"
"You sound so surprised."
Jin could hardly believe it. Was it over now? Was there really hope that he could fix things? "Are you gonna' be okay?"
"I suppose," Kazuya answered. "Although, I don't feel that I could move at all. It would be a pain to have to use the bathroom."
"Don't worry we'll figure something out."
"Hm, right."
Jin having never stayed in a hospital for any period of time was uncertain of that as well, but this was no time to be pessimistic.
"Tell me, how long have I been here?" Kazuya asked.
"Almost a month."
"For that long?" Kazuya said with a hint of surprise, "How could so much time pass?"
"Well…until now, you were in a coma. And the doctors… You're lucky to be alive."
"I didn't think I would die from something like that—Besides, I didn't feel as if it was my time. There were too many things that I wanted to do."
"Really? Like what?"
"Like having a family with Jun. She's always wanted one and I've always told her no. It was just the timing really. And me…I suppose. But ever since you came…If we were to have a child, I'd want him to be something like you."
Jin was caught off guard by all of it. He looked away when he said this. What exactly had he done to convince him of such a thing? He'd done nothing but hate him since the moment he saw him. How…? Jin was too shaken to say anything back immediately. Kazuya had grown silent again perhaps waiting for him to say something.
"What would make you say that?" Jin finally asked. There was such a long span of silence that Jin thought that perhaps he had said the wrong thing. "Kazuya?"
"Huh? Oh, sorry," Kazuya said as if his sleep had been interrupted which was probably the case. "You have a good heart. Jun would like a child like that."
"But I don't. That's not me at all"
"See what I mean? Who in their right minds would admit something like that so easily?"
"But…"
"It feels like yesterday though you tell me it's been a month. When I came for you at the mall, you weren't cowering away—in fact, you seemed unafraid. I doubt one could find such a quality in a child your age. I was glad you were safe. After only knowing you for a short while, I didn't want you to die—not when I was beginning to get used to you being around and how happy you've made Jun."
It was really a lot to swallow considering that Jin hadn't even considered the fact that Kazuya might actually like—No, that was impossible. Since Jin hated his father, then it should have been the same vice versa. Wasn't that a logical assumption? Jin looked over at Kazuya again after he gathered the courage but realized that the other had fallen asleep. Jin, however, grew frantic—was he unconscious again? He poked the other once or twice before he got a response.
"Don't go to sleep. What if you…What if you…"
"Didn't I already tell you; I'm not going to die."
"But how can you be so sure?"
Kazuya sighed exasperatedly. "Just let me rest."
Jin didn't feel he had the right at the moment to demand something of the other so he simply complied. Jin watched the other for a while to make sure that he was still breathing. After a while, he was satisfied enough to do the same.
Since Jin knew that Kazuya really was recovering, he didn't feel as stressed. When Jun came and visited after sunset, Jin told her the good news. It was as if a great weight had been lifted off of her shoulders. The kind of relief that Jin saw in her face was practically uplifting.
The pieces were all falling into place perhaps a little too well. When the doctor came back the next morning to look him over, she gave them positive feedback. He was making such a rapid recovery that, really, waking from his coma was the best thing that could have happened. In a day or two, he would be able to leave the hospital. Obviously, the gunshot wounds had not been so serious. Miraculously, the gunshots had missed vital organs—it was as if the doctor was saying that if someone were to be shot three times, you would want the trajectory paths to be exactly like that—three entrance wounds, one exit wound. That was nothing short of a miracle. In fact, it was as if he was supposed to live.
That he was able to go home so soon was yet another miracle. Jin couldn't remember feeling quite so overjoyed at seeing a house. He couldn't even remember feeling so overjoyed seeing his own house with Jun. The situation was different, Jin supposed. He was used to his mom and he never left the house for long periods of time. He wasn't used to the Jun he was seeing now nor the Kazuya he was experiencing at that moment. He had never seemed quite so approachable as he seemed now. It was far less difficult speaking to Kazuya when Jin didn't think he was speaking in riddles and that he meant exactly what he said. It was easier that way. Extremely easy, in fact, even enjoyable. Jin knew that he was stepping into dangerous territories. There was always some small part of him that would always whisper in the back of his mind. That small voice would remind him of what his mission was and that he had been so close before all of this had happened. Because his plan had backfired on him, Jin knew that even if he did want to finish what he started, it would be difficult even impossible to succeed. Kazuya was now the victim and Jun would be hard pressed to blame a wounded man for something like negligence. Jin would have to reveal something truly evil about him if Jun was ever going to decide to break up with him. But Jin no longer had the heart to do all of that, not when Kazuya was being so pleasant and so forgiving. He never once blamed Jin for anything that had befallen him and speaking of blame, the topic was never brought up, it had just happened and there was nothing they could have done to prevent it.
Again, Jun was needed at her work and Jin found that he was spending more and more time with Kazuya. In the beginning it might have been a horrific situation, but everything seemed different. At some point, Jin found himself finally playing the game console that Kazuya had bought him. Since he had almost infinite time on his hands, he spent hours of it trying to actually play the fighting game at a decent skill level. Losing over and over to the same person who probably wasn't the best at playing videogames, was a bit nerve-wracking.
These days, Kazuya could sleep for hours on end. Jin didn't expect the other to be up until maybe a little bit after noon, but surprisingly Jin heard the shower come on slightly before then. When the water was turned off, it wasn't as if Jin heard the other coming out immediately after. Jin was fully aware of the bandages that the other still wore—it wasn't always a topic that Kazuya would want to talk about unless there was no way around it. How he was able to dress his wounds himself was a mystery in itself. He had never once asked for help—well, as far as Jin knew.
He pretended to be playing the videogame intently when he heard the other come down the hallway. It made things a little less awkward. Kazuya wouldn't be forced to go through the usual "Good morning, how has your day been" routine. Instead, they acknowledged each other with a nod to each other. Of course, Kazuya's real destination was the kitchen rather than the living room. Jin grinned to himself after a few minutes as he heard food sizzling on a cast iron pan. The thought of him cooking still seemed ridiculous in Jin's mind. It just wasn't a thing he could picture the other doing. It made sense logically if Kazuya had ever lived on his own. Since he usually complained whenever Jun would pester him about eating and then was forced to go out and eat somewhere, it made sense doubly so, but still…
Jin was all smiles by the time Kazuya came back into the living room. Jin remembered that his cooking wasn't the best, but since it wasn't actually burnt, the savory smell made up for it.
"You hungry?" Kazuya asked the other.
Jin looked up and noticed that he was holding two plates instead of one. "A little."
"Here," Kazuya said simply as he handed Jin the plate. "So you don't starve to death."
Jin had paused the game as he was passed the plate.
Kazuya took a seat on the couch. Jin had been laying on the floor on his stomach, but now he was sitting cross-legged.
"Even after playing for so long, you still suck," Kazuya commented as he noticed the state of the green bars on the screen.
"You came in at the wrong time. I had a winning streak for a while there," Jin lied.
"Of course you did," Kazuya said back in a tone that suggested that he didn't believe the other one bit. "Since I have nothing better to do today, you can just show me all this skill you have."
"You better be prepared to lose."
"Well, I'm always prepared for things like that. If you're always ready for the worst then you have nothing to worry about."
"That's stupid. I mean it's nice and all, but if you're so prepared all the time, you won't take any risks, right? Nothing you really want is ever without risk."
"And this is coming from a kid who's barely ten years old. What kind of risk is ever worth it in the end?"
"When without it, you end up accomplishing nothing. What about you and Jun?"
"What about it?"
"Well, aren't you taking a risk there?"
"That's something different altogether."
"How come?"
Kazuya sighed exasperatedly, "It's hard to explain."
Jin wondered what the other meant by this, but he didn't want to ask anything further. He sensed the other becoming slightly irritated. By this time, Jin had finished most of what was on the plate so he continued on with the game. He watched as the green bar on his side of the screen steadily decreased until he finally lost. It was just the thing that Kazuya needed to see to confirm his suspicions. Jin won one match by chance and lost a couple more.
"Can I join you?" Kazuya asked after watching a humiliating loss.
"Sure, why not?"
Kazuya came over to sit on the floor with him and took up one of the controllers. He chose the same female warrior from before at the mall much to Jin's amusement. Jin chose a character which he had grown used to and then continued to the match. Each fight was quite close, but soon it became more and more clear to Jin who was the better fighter. The only thing Jin had had over Kazuya was that he had been practicing. Kazuya's inexperience almost instantly dissipated after the first three fights. Jin found himself quickly trying to throw out combo after combo while Kazuya's character would quietly evade and attack from an angle where he was wide open. There was no way to avoid his attacks. At some point, Kazuya's health bar hardly ever changed.
"Ugh! I don't get it. You've been secretly practicing while I wasn't looking," Jin accused the other after an hour of loss after loss.
"You just need some more practice. Maybe if you weren't so predictable, it wouldn't turn out the same way every time."
"Can we do one more match?" Jin asked when he sensed the other growing bored of the whole affair.
"Fine, one more."
Jin wasn't sure what had changed, but suddenly his attacks were connecting. He couldn't believe it; Kazuya's green bar was decreasing rapidly. Jin's character was hit a few times, but it couldn't make up for the pounding Jin was dealing out. Soon he depleted the other's health bar and finally won.
"Wait a minute, that was too easy."
Kazuya grinned at the other. "Looks like you won."
Although Jin tried to dispute it, Kazuya never did admit the fact he had basically thrown the last match and he could not convince the other to another match.
"So what do you do in your free time?" Jin asked Kazuya.
Kazuya had already made his way back to the couch. "Well, on my free time when I happen to have any, I usually go to the gym."
That makes sense…maybe that's why he seems so strong looking. "I guess you can't do that right now, huh."
"I could, if I really wanted to, but these days, I don't feel like fighting anymore or training for it."
"So you weren't always a businessman?"
"It's a more recent employment. Back then, things were different. If someone told me that in the future I'd be here living some sedentary lifestyle, I would have laughed. Although… I doubt this will last long however much I want it to."
"What do you mean? You're getting a new job or something?"
"If that was the case, I'd have no worries."
And the mystery returns… "Maybe…you don't have anything to worry about," Jin said as he looked to the floor, "Why can't we just stay the way we are now?"
"I wouldn't mind that at all. But it's wishful thinking to assume that nothing will change. Someone like you should understand. You have no idea what you did in your former life, but any moment could bring back your lost memory and you have no idea how that will affect you."
God, he still thinks I have amnesia…I better just play along. "I guess, but I don't think I have anything to worry about. If I try my hardest, I think things can still turn out good. Look where I am now. I didn't have to run across Jun at that moment and she didn't have to invite me to stay at her place. I could be all alone homeless right now."
"You really believe that, don't you? Try your hardest and everything will work out."
"Who says it isn't true? If we all try our hardest, nothing has to change, right? Isn't that what you want? I really don't see what the problem is."
"I keep forgetting that I'm just talking to a kid. Whoever raised you until now must have been an optimistic person. It's hard to believe that no one is actively searching for you."
"I don't think anyone's going to come looking for me if they haven't already."
"It's amazing how you can sound so certain. Sometimes, I don't know what to make of you."
"You're wondering if I'm lying or not?"
"No, I was only wondering how one can be certain about anything in your shoes. Blindly accepting things as they are or how you want them to be."
"You make it sound impossible to do. What else can I do anyways?"
"You have a point."
"What are you gonna' do now?"
"What do you mean?"
"Since you're not going to the gym. What else are you gonna' do?"
"Don't know. You can't count on me to think of anything interesting."
"I know!" Jin said as an idea came to him.
Kazuya watched the other sprint off to his room. Jin came back to the living room with a deck of playing cards and set it on the table between him and Kazuya.
"You trying to play Crazy Eights or Spoons…?"
"No," Jin said dispelling all Kazuya's thoughts of kiddy card games, "We're gonna play Spades."
"And you really know how to play it?"
"I think so," Jin said with the proper amount of uncertainty. He kept forgetting that he was supposed to be an amnesiac.
"There's only one way to find out."
"Okay. I'll shuffle and you cut."
Jin's shuffling skills were laughable. He could tell the other was amused by the whole thing, but made no comment. He passed the deck over to Kazuya who smoothly cut the deck and gave it back to Jin who was them tasked with the job of passing out all the cards. With two people, they only had to deal with half of the deck thus making it that much harder to figure out what to bet for. Of course, Kazuya had to have the better hand. There were only 13 books in total and Kazuya had 11 of them much to Jin's astonishment. It wasn't like that the whole time, but the first hand that Jin passed out seemed completely in Kazuya's favor. For the rest of the time, sometimes Jin won more books and sometimes Kazuya did. But because of Kazuya's initial lead and the fact that Jin couldn't make all of his books twice, his score dropped.
"I would hate for you to play a real game," Kazuya commented after he had reached 500 points ending the game.
"I guess I was just a little rusty."
"That's understandable since you may or may not remember how to really play it."
"I would ask you to another game…but there's something else I wanted to ask you…"
"Well, what is it?"
"I was wondering…since you know how to fight, I was wondering if you could teach me."
"What for?"
Jin could feel his cheeks burning because he was asking something from someone he was used to. "It's important." And this is my only chance since you have so much free time now. Also…I know Mom would want me to…If I could protect others, then…we wouldn't have to go through anything like this again.
"Listen, kid, I don't think it would be such a good idea. What would Jun think about that? She wouldn't want you to turn into some kind of killing machine."
"It's just to defend myself. I don't want to learn how to kill people."
"They're one in the same."
"No—
"What do you think you're doing when you engage in a fight with someone else? Both you and your opponent are risking the chance of death. It is nothing you'd want to do by choice."
Jin paused before he spoke once again. "She wouldn't mind."
"Are you even listening to me? If this is about what happened, there was nothing you could have done in that situation. Even if you knew how to defend yourself, there was no guarantee that you could have survived. With all that I know about fighting, I still managed to get myself injured. It was stupid what I did. All they wanted was the money. If I had just given it to them, the situation might not have turned sour."
"You can't seriously be thinking that."
"That was why…I was glad that you hadn't gotten hurt. If I was really thinking about your safety, I would have chosen a less violent road."
"You did what you could."
"I did what I wanted. That someone had had the audacity to point a gun at me and get away with it was enough to make me want to kill him. You were just an afterthought."
"I don't care."
"What?"
"I said, 'I don't care'. You saved me in the end. Who knows what that man would have done once he had the money?"
"Look at you trying to sugarcoat things."
"I'm being serious. If it had been anyone else, I might not be here now. If I had known how to fight…"
"You would've gotten yourself killed," Kazuya said shaking his head. "Idiot. You'll be the one leaping headlong into situations that you would be better off avoiding. I'm not going to teach you how to fight. I think it's better the way you are now. Besides," Kazuya said stretching his arms, "I don't feel like it anyways."
"You're just getting complacent," Jin accused.
"I should be—if I'm really supposed to believe that what I have now will not change. Well, Jun should be back in a few hours," Kazuya said as he stood up, "You won't be bored for too long if I decide to take a few hours for myself."
Taking a few hours for himself meaning resting, Jin knew as he watched the other head to the back down the hallway. Jin had too much to think about to be bored. He had thought it would be a simple task to get Kazuya to teach him how to fight. It had been on his mind all last night as the events of that day replayed over and over in his mind. Once he had gotten over the fact that Kazuya had gotten injured to a point uncomfortably close to death, he could look at the other parts of the event—the part where he had demobilized two guys at once in the blink of an eye. Despite having gotten injured, he still wound up taking down the third one as well. It had been incredible—his father was a powerful man. All that Jun had taught him didn't even come close to looking quite so appealing as what Kazuya had done for not more than a couple of minutes. He'd been uninterested about the very idea of fighting until that moment.
But Kazuya was staunchly against teaching him anything at all. Jin was hard-pressed to figure out a way to convince him otherwise. He could only think of telling Jun his situation and have her back him up. Something told him, though, that this Jun was starkly different from the one he knew in this regard.
And there was that other thing…Who was to say that he was ever going to get back to his life from before? He had to make the best of the one he was living now. How was getting Kazuya to separate from Jun going to achieve that? They seemed happy together, didn't they? Kazuya seemed especially considerate of Jun's feelings. How could a man like that break her heart anyway? Maybe the future had already changed. Maybe since he was there, they could be a big happy family. Jun was happy. Kazuya was content. And he…he felt as if he belonged. He didn't especially want to go back to a time when all of that wasn't true.
Please…I don't want anything to change…
