Okay so I was hit with another plot bunny and had to get this out…I was minding my own business driving home when Adele's… Someone Like You came on and Bella started screaming in my ear to tell her story…
I lost sleep and became a bit withdrawn as her emotions kept going through me and when I just needed to tell someone… I looked to two of my closest friends Kyla and Steph and they loved the idea and pushed me to write this puppy…
Disclaimer: This story will have very harsh at points. There will be heart wrenching moments… I warn you now. You may hate a character or two but I promise no matter how bad it gets … there will be an HEA…. I believe everyone deserves a second chance and so this will be a journey of growth, humility, and finding the simple joys in life… the things that truly matter.
I need to thank my team… Stephanie, Kyla, Rachel, Bev, and Cheryl. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I know I hit you all with so many chapters last week. You never once complained, you just guys held my hand as I poured my heart out with this… I couldn't do this without all the love and helpful, encouraging words you always have for me… I truly love you all!
Twilight isn't mine you know this … I know this… soooo moving on
Chapter 2
Bella's POV
Adele's- Don't You Remember
Song at the end is Keith Urban- Tonight I Wanna Cry
The aftermath he left…
I don't know how long I stayed there. On that damn damp floor, letting everything that just happened sink in. It begins replay in my head, further tearing my already fragile being in two.
He walked away.
He just left me there.
Not even a sad 'goodbye Bella' or a 'take care of yourself'.
No, all I got was a 'get over it and grow up'.
Was I not worthy of a little human kindness?
In his mind I guess I wasn't, and my confirmation came as he kept on walking. I never thought he would just discard me so easily after all these years. I had never felt so alone. My persona held little to no value in his eyes and as such, I was just as easily thrown away. I was simply left there, left to rot away in the depths of my pain.
I know it was silly of me to expect him to say anything to contradict what he just did and said. But I had to hold onto something, anything, to tell me my Edward was still in there behind this cold creature that had just broken me in two.
I didn't know this man in front of me. This wasn't the man I loved and had seen a future with. He wasn't the one I saw at the end of the aisle waiting on me to be given to him, to love and honor for the rest of my life. No this man, wasn't my Edward.
I held on to my hope until that last moment when he turned his back on me, on us. I prayed to the One upstairs, to please let him see the error of his ways and beg for my forgiveness. Even after all the insults and hurtful actions, I still loved him with everything I had. And as a love sick fool I would have taken him back and forgave everything without a second thought.
Naïve, I know, but you can't control what the heart wants and it still wants him.
But as the seconds turned to minutes, then changed to hours, I knew he wasn't coming back. I cried, I screamed and I just hurt all over at the end. I didn't have the energy to drag myself back home and make my own version of the walk of shame.
But with his absence came another vengeful being that immediately took over for him. A spiteful little troll came in and made himself at home as Edward's replacement, deciding I hadn't had enough yet. I wish he would take pity on me and stop the images and words from replaying nonstop on a constant loop, but this asshole of a troll just wouldn't let them.
Maybe, just maybe, the troll is working with him to finish me off.
Every word was a slap to my already wounded and bleeding heart.
I fucked her on your birthday
You're just not enough for me, anymore!
Goodbye, Bella, hopefully someone from this town will take pity on you and put up with you're mediocrity.
I prayed as the words replayed in my head, that this had all been a nightmare and that I would awaken soon and be spared what would soon become my end.
But we're talking about me, and my luck just sucks. I was already dreading going back home and facing the feelings of abandonment that he left me with. But I had to. I had no choice in this matter but to put on my big girl panties and face the truth. So with a heavy heart and destroyed soul, I made my way home.
I was thankful that my house was empty as I arrived.
Making my way upstairs I went straight for the shower and climbed in with my clothes still on. I let the water pour over me and try to wash away the hurt and despair that had taken up residency upon my chest, but it was of no use…I felt dirty.
He used me for over four years.
For four years I gave him my body, my heart, and my soul. Sad thing is if you asked me if I wanted it back I would say no, it was never mine and never will be.
He owns me.
I never noticed when the hot water turned ice cold or when my mother entered the bathroom and turned off said water. I never realized I was being spoken to or touched by her, but when you are torn into pieces and you've been left to die everything else just doesn't matter.
It could have been hours, days, weeks… at this point I just didn't care.
But when my father reached into the tub and tried to lift me up, I snapped.
"Don't touch me!" I screeched.
My father and mother just stepped away, looking at each other, both mirroring a look of confusion and fear.
"Bella, dear what's wrong? What happened with Edward and why are you here crying?" My mother's gentle words did nothing to calm me and only further ignited the anger I had towards my father.
I completely ignored her and turned towards the man I once considered, my hero and friend.
"Where the hell were you? Huh?" I asked about four times on repeat with as much venom as I could inject every single time.
"What are you talking about Bell's? I was with your mom. You knew we were going to lunch with the Connor's today. And baby why are you treating me this way? What did I do to deserve such venom from my baby girl?" I could hear the sadness in his voice, but what about mine?
He always promised to keep the monsters away, but today he left me alone, to face the biggest one of them all.
"I'll tell you why father. You see while you were out having lunch with them," I sneered, "Edward took it upon himself to destroy me and leave me to bleed. He broke my heart, daddy, he told me I was nothing and that I would never be enough. Do you know how much I needed you there? I always thought that you would take care of me from the monsters of the world and today I was fed to one on a silver platter."
I stood there with my back squared and ready for another battle, but instead was met with my father's face turning white as a ghost to immediately go fire engine red.
I could literally see the smoke come out of his ears.
"What the hell do you mean Bella? What the hell did that boy do?"
I was ready to lay into him yet again when my mother jumped in and tried to make light of the situation saying it was "A simple misunderstanding," she parroted, and that "Edward loved me, he would never hurt me intentionally."
Little did they know?
Everyone in this town would never believe me if I told them word for word what he had said or done.
"Listen well because, I will only repeat this once. The man that came here today was not my Edward. That man broke me in two and told me he fucked Angela on my birthday. Who does that? Well I'll tell you… Edward did. He told me he needed better…better pussy, better friends, a better woman on his arm than this silly insignificant town could ever offer. So yeah, you tell me if I misunderstood him? Because that man couldn't have been any clearer, if you ask me."
Their mouths had dropped to the ground at the end of my rant, especially after all the colorful words I suddenly added to my repertoire, since that was not the norm for me.
They both made moves to get closer to me and hug me. They only wanted to console their heart broken daughter, but their touch and pity only made it all the more real. I couldn't take it. Everything around me was suffocating, everything took too much energy from me, I didn't want to lash out but, I couldn't stop the words from escaping my lips.
"Get the fuck out."
My father tried once more to talk but before he finished saying "Bell's I…" my mother told him to let me be.
Even though at this moment I was literally a mess, and my thoughts and feelings were going haywire, I could have kissed her. She sadly turned to me and only said "We'll be here when your ready baby, I know it hurts, but we're here." She reached to hug me but I stiffened and she pulled back and kissed my forehead. I knew that it hurt her to see me in this condition but what could I do, I was hurt.
Turning towards my father I saw all the hurt I felt staring back at me. I knew deep down I wasn't being fair, but that didn't stop the resentment I held at the moment. Eventually, I would apologize but I knew deep down that day was very far away.
I was left alone for the rest of the day.
Eventually I left the sanctity of my bathroom and made it back to my bedroom, but not before a thorough and painful scrub down to get rid of all the filth, I felt on my skin.
Entering my room was another painful reminder of what we, I had. Every wall was filled with reminders of the love we once shared. Memories…
My memories were all I had left to remind me that what we had together was real, that we shared a major part of our lives together. That the man I loved more than life itself was not a figment of my imagination. That he used to look at me as if I hung the moon and made his days bright, filled with love and sweet caresses.
I barely made it to my bed before I crumbled to the floor.
I couldn't stop the tears that flowed, I wanted to, boy did I want to. But they came down without my consent as if the skies had opened up and let the world feel its sorrow.
My brain was so tired. Tired of the non-stop images of his cold and empty stare. Tired of replaying the uncaring words that left those lips, the same lips that had told me he loved me on so many occasions. The same lips that had said I would someday become Mrs. Isabella Marie Cullen and we would be each others happily ever after.
I remember that day as if it were yesterday.
It was the day I had given myself to him, but now even that memory has been tainted with what occurred today.
I was getting so lost in my thoughts of all the sweet caresses and gentle words he said before he entered me for the first time. I remember him kissing away my tears, saying how honored he was that I trusted him enough to give myself to him. That I would always be his as he would be mine.
I remember the pleasure he gave me that night.
My body sang for him and only him. He played me as if I was one of his prized guitars; he knew what my body needed before I could utter a single coherent word. I came that night and came hard. He followed me shortly after, always reminding me of how perfect I was, how my body was made to be wrapped around his. That as long as I was always by his side nothing else mattered, because I was always all he needed.
But my favorite was "I want you, love, just you, for the rest of my life. I love you, Bella."
I'm brought back to the present as my I-Pod suddenly comes back to life, playing a song that fits me to a T'.
And as Keith Urban's velvety voice started to croon… I once again let it all go and…wept.
Alone in this house again tonight
I got the TV on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine
Theres pictures of you and I on the walls around me the way that it was and should have been surrounds me
I'll never get over you walkin' away
Well I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To hell with my pride
Let it fall like rain, from my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry.
I felt as though he knew of my pain, took everything that ran through my mind and wrote it down for me. His words only spurred on more tears and kept reminding me of everything we've shared since we were kids.
Would it help if i turned a sad song on
"All by Myself" would sure hit me hard, now that you're gone
Or maybe unfold some old yellow lost love letters
It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better
But I'll never get over you by hidin' this way
Cause I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To hell with my pride
Let it fall like rain, from my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry.
It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better. But I'll never get over you by hidin' this way.
Really? I'm supposed to believe it'll get better? Well I guess Keith drank too much of that wine if he believes that bullshit. How can I believe that when just the thought of his name brings me to my knees and destroys all I thought…?
Everything I am, or was, has been changed since his final words.
I feel like I should be writing the all-knowing Keith, asking if he knew who I was. Because as of this morning, I just didn't know anymore.
Well I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To hell with this pride
Let it fall like rain, from my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry.
mmhmm mm
Well at least we both know what I'll be doing for the next few nights, maybe more.
Okay so there you have it... thankyou all for the love and support you have given me... I love these character's deeply and I'm so g;ad that you are exepting and trusting me to give you all an HEA...
The journey wont be easy but there is a light at the end of the tunnel...
See u next time...
