Okay so I was hit with another plot bunny and had to get this out…I was minding my own business driving home when Adele's… Someone Like You came on and Bella started screaming in my ear to tell her story…

I lost sleep and became a bit withdrawn as her emotions kept going through me and when I just needed to tell someone… I looked to two of my closest friends Kyla and Steph and they loved the idea and pushed me to write this puppy…

Disclaimer: This story will have very harsh at points. There will be heart wrenching moments… I warn you now. You may hate a character or two but I promise no matter how bad it gets … there will be an HEA…. I believe everyone deserves a second chance and so this will be a journey of growth, humility, and finding the simple joys in life… the things that truly matter.

I need to thank my team… Stephanie, Kyla, Rachel, Bev, and Cheryl. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I know I hit you all with so many chapters last week. You never once complained, you just guys held my hand as I poured my heart out with this… I couldn't do this without all the love and helpful, encouraging words you always have for me… I truly love you all!

Twilight isn't mine you know this … I know this… soooo moving on

Chapter 3

Song for chapter

Adele's (version) I Can't Make you Love Me

First year he's been gone…

"Bella, wake up love we're almost there." I feel his warm hands on my arms trying to gently shake me awake, and I smile thinking this has been nothing but a nightmare.

I feel myself relax automatically, when I slowly open my eyes and see his happy green ones staring back at me. I can't believe the horrible and crazy dream I just had. I will be eternally grateful to God and any other religious being that is out there. They took pity on my soul and released me from the prison I found myself in, giving me a chance to once again find myself looking at the gorgeous greens that bring me peace and love.

Stretching like a lazy cat I get the kinks out of my neck and back. It feels so good to be here with him. I haven't paid much attention to where we are, but as I look around, I take notice of the fact that I'm sitting in his Volvo.

Seeing him grinning at me and running the hand that isn't on the wheel through my hair, I ask, "Where are we going babe?"

He chuckles at my lost state, taps his pointer finger on my nose and says, "To the beach, babe, I have some great news to tell you, and since it's so hot today I thought it would be a good place to hang out. Plus you love the water and after our talk I thought you would enjoy the water a bit."

I never questioned "You would enjoy the water."

I choose to just enjoy the day with the love of my life and just forget everything. Why waste my day with silly questions or over analyzing anything when I have him next to me.

"So… What did you want to talk about babe? I hope everything's all right. Is this about Med school? Did you get an answer from the U.M.?"

He chuckles at my ramblings and just shakes his head.

"Bella will you be patient please? I promise all will be answered when we get there okay. And please don't pout; you know I can't resist those sweet lips."

He grabs my hand and brings it up to his lips kissing each of my knuckles. He lays my hand in his lap when he's done and continues driving.

We reach the beach in the next blink of my eye and before I know it we are both sitting on a blanket watching the wave's crash onto the shore line.

I'm sitting between his legs with my back to his chest completely content with forgetting all about the 'talk'. If it was up to me, I would never leave the comfort of his arms; I want to stay just like this. He feels so warm and as he rubs soothing circles on my stomach I have the sudden urge to purr. It feels so good; he knows it and makes it known by the small chuckle that escapes his lips.

"I know you're wondering why I brought you here, Bella, but I have something to say and I figured I could be nicer to you in this dream, than I was in real life." I stiffen in his arms and as I try to turn and look into his eyes and plead for him to explain. I'm suddenly all alone.

I panic and begin to look in all directions praying that this was a sick joke of his and he would come out saying 'gotcha'. But the more I look around, the more the beach turns into the small forest behind my house.

"Edward, this isn't funny." I get up from my blanket and as I walk a few steps forward that disappears too.

" Fuuuuuck! Please come out, babe, please I'm scared." I'm shivering now because my nerves are shot. Everything around me looks just like it did in my dream.

"Would you just shut the fuck up already?" I can hear his harsh words but I can't see him. I try to head towards the direction I heard it come from only to hear "Her pussy felt so… good wrapped around my cock."

This comes from somewhere behind me and I try in vain to run to him when I trip over an over grown tree root. I scream out in pain only to hear his laughter right by my ear. I can feel his harsh breath on my skin… it feels warm and as I lean in towards him he sneers.

"When will you fucking learn, huh?"

Suddenly I feel cold and his warmth is gone but that only heightens the eerie feeling coming over me as he continues to taunt me.

"You are an insignificant little bitch, sweetheart. You aren't worth shit and never will be. I'm looking for a dime piece not a penny, and literally that is all you will ever be."

Tears flow down my cheeks, but I'm too stunned by his words to move.

"Why don't you go back to that Podunk town and find someone on your level of insignificance and stop thinking or believing I will ever be back because I won't. You can pray to God or Saint you want, it won't change a thing. We left you Bella and we will treat you as if you never existed." His voice seems even further away then it has been this entire time.

I manage to find some strength in my body and climb to my feet. I run towards where I last heard his voice but a menacing growl stops me dead in my tracks.

His voice is now that of a weird rabid animal, as he spits out the next few words. "Oh and one last thing, wake the fuck up, I'm tired of hearing you scream and crying over me. I'm not coming back…ever. So get it through your head already bitch!"

I wake up sweating and still hearing his malicious words in my head.

I look over to my window and notice the sun has barely begun to come up. I have no interest in going back to sleep after the nightmare he caused.

I never thought I would ever say this but Edward Cullen had become the center of all my nightmares.

Just as I'm contemplating going downstairs to make me some coffee I hear Charlie's loud footsteps on the stairs.

My father, ever the responsible man, gets up everyday and heads into the station two hours earlier than he's due to arrive. The man is a protector of our town and makes it his goal to catch and punish those that hurt the citizens of the town.

'Yeah right,' I let out a very un-lady like snort and roll my eyes at this.

Where was he as I was attacked verbally and left to die from a broken heart? He can put himself on the line for others, but not me. Why?

I believed in him. I trusted him.

But I guess saving your daughter from all this pain and rejection, doesn't fall under the duties of a chief of police, huh?

Knowing that I wouldn't survive another let down, I vowed to protect what's left of me no matter what.

I had to push away everyone that claimed to love me and I loved in return. My fear of getting hurt any further, settled the guilt I bore over ostracizing them. I had to protect myself. My sanity was barely hanging by a thread and all I knew was that I had to protect it above all else.

I guess you could say that he taught me that. I had to come first, because no one else would care enough to protect me.

Wow, what a lesson to learn from the man that you loved, and claimed to love you in return.

I once thought I mattered and had the protection of those who loved me. But now that foundation has been rocked and broken to the very core. I just can't take that kind of chance…anymore.

I've become a fragile being.

I couldn't bring myself to trust anyone after the blow he dealt me, not even those that gave birth to me.

That day sealed my fate and as such it was time to start living and preparing for a life of solitude.

I kept to myself after that day. I never interacted with the outside world; I preferred the quiet isolation that my room provided.

My parents tried everything they could think of to reach me, but I blocked them at every turn.

Their concern for me was always there, but my mind and heart kept telling me it was all an act. There was a constant tension in the air and I knew it was because of me, but what could I do. No one dared to speak around me for fear of me breaking down. I constantly felt as if I were a demented patient, put away for fear of them hurting others or themselves. I couldn't keep on living with all these fears and doubts, but at the moment, I had no idea of how to make anything better for me or them.

I was so sick of everyone walking around on eggshells, in my presence.

I understood they were scared of upsetting me but really it made me feel even worse, if that was possible. I knew they felt awkward and uncomfortable with the constant crying and lack of response from me so.

I decided it was best for everyone if I just… stayed away.

It wasn't as hard, as I thought it would be at first. I hadn't spoken a word to Charlie in weeks, and I barely acknowledged Renee's presence. At first she tried to talk me into eating dinner with them or just simply spending some time with her, but soon she gave up too.

My lack of response was killing her but I just didn't know what else to do. The gaping hole in my chest never began the process of becoming sealed or even if it just became smaller, that would have be fine too. It was just… there.

Bleeding.

Killing me slowly.

Add to the fact that after a few failed attempts from her, to garner my attention, she too gave up.

I spent my entire summer just looking out my bedroom window…

Alone and surviving just on the small hope that still burned in my chest, as I kept vigil for his return. I know it was a waste and dumb but what else could I do when that small flicker kept me together?

When thoughts of ending it all came to mind.

That summer, as I watched the world continue around me, I learned and saw a lot.

I watched the little girl across the street learn how to ride a bike. I learned that Ms. Cope had some peeping tom tendencies. She would watch Mr. Thompson through her living room window daily. He would always stretch and get warmed up for the run in his front yard. She watched him intently every day, with a look of pure lust that made me gag, but thanks to my ever present empty stomach it never passed from there.

I learned that men were pigs as I watched Mr. Banner get home early every Thursday with a new bimbo on his arm. She would leave an hour later with a stack of cash in her hands. How did I know about the cash you ask?

Well, I watched him give it to her.

Mrs. Banner was never the wiser of her husband's afternoon activities, she was always so happy to find him at home with a lazy smile on his face. The bastard greeted her at the door every week and kissed the ever living daylights out of her.

To her, he was perfect. To me he was another bastard.

I learned a lot that summer thanks to my misery.

So I guess you could say all this people watching came in useful. At least I now know who and what these people do that live around me.

The one other thing during those first few months that helped me, were my journals.

I wrote every thought.

Every memory of our time together, that came to mind.

Everything was written in these journals.

Today's entry was the most heartfelt, I had added so far. It wasn't much, just a few lines, but they summed up everything I felt at the moment…

You'd know, how the time flies.
Only yesterday, was the time of our lives.
We were born and raised in a summery haze.
Bound by the surprise of our glory days.

Bella Swan first year after...