Hello my lovelies I have a few things to say today before we continue...First off while I know that what edward has done is harsh I truly do feel that everyone deserves another chance...Will he get off without any repurcussions scot free?No! but he will be given the chanve to work for it...when we are young we make mistakes and plain ol fuck up, it's what we do with these mistakes and lessons that form us into what we will be in the future...Just please keep this in mind while reading.

There will be an HEA just trust me!

Not now but in the far future after the have both lived and learned.

Disclaimer: This story will have very harsh at points. There will be heart wrenching moments… I warn you now. You may hate a character or two but I promise no matter how bad it gets … there will be an HEA…. I believe everyone deserves a second chance and so this will be a journey of growth, humility, and finding the simple joys in life… the things that truly matter.

I need to thank my team… Stephanie, Kyla, Rachel, Bev, and Cheryl. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I know I hit you all with so many chapters last week. You never once complained, you just guys held my hand as I poured my heart out with this… I couldn't do this without all the love and helpful, encouraging words you always have for me… I truly love you all!

Twilight isn't mine you know this … I know this… soooo moving on

Chapter 4

Playlist

Life House- Broken

Evanescence – My Immortal

Bella's POV

Continuation of first year without him…

The Cullen's did come back in the middle of that wonderful and enlightening summer. They came over to have dinner with my family as soon as they were back in town.

It was as if nothing had happened.

As I sat there in the middle of our dining room, I watched as everyone around me stuffed their faces…I couldn't help but think.

Did they really care so little for me?

Was our friendship one of convenience?

Was my father's status among this stupid, small minded community so important to them?

Was it enough to make them befriend his only daughter, make her fall in love with one of your own, and then destroy every thing she was and knew?

I sat and pondered all these flashing thoughts as I pushed around my dinner. It's not as if they noticed if I ate or not.

No, they were too busy talking about all the life and shopping they had in their new slice of heaven. Emmett and Edward's love for the beach and the countless hours they spent out there making 'new friends'.

I couldn't blame Emmett; he has always been very dense and never had a filter. To him I should have been over what happened, not dying a slow death.

But Alice, that hurt.

She spent two hours telling me nothing but how lovely the shopping was. She spoke about all the cute, tanned boys that hang out at the beach, hitting on her and her new 'bestie.'

Yep. Didn't take her a week to replace me, guess he was right all along.

"But I'm sure once she settled in and has made better friends, you'll be nothing more than a distant memory. Goodbye Bella, hopefully someone from this town will take pity on you and put up with you're mediocrity."

Rosalie, according to Alice, was a blonde bombshell with more money than you could count, in one life time. Her parents were supposedly extremely open minded and let her do as she pleased…Alice ate it up.

Not once did she say 'I miss you Bells' or 'How have you been after my asshole of a brother tore you in two?'

Can't you just feel the love?

But what took the night to an all time low, was the Cullen matriarch asking if I was 'over the break up and seeing anyone.'

I have never wanted to bitch slap someone as badly as I did Esme that day.

Really, how am I doing? How about crushed, in pain, and utterly a shell of my former self? But instead I said "I'm great and so ready for the new school year to begin and as far as dating well..." I trailed off.

They all looked at me expectantly waiting for my answer.

Did they really think I owed them anything? I hope not because they were leading themselves down a road full of disappointment. My life, as of the day their son left me became solely mine.

My mother laughed and tried in vein to steer the conversation off of me but they wouldn't budge. I had no idea what their intentions were, nor did I care at this point. I wanted them all gone.

I have had enough of this ridiculous dinner and all the pretenses going on around me. I thought we were all friends. Fuck that, I once considered them my family. But, as they gushed about Edward new school, new friends and all the pretty girls after him with nothing but pride, I got up and left.

I never excused myself nor did I see them out that night or the rest of the week.

I never answered the phone when Alice demanded we speak. I let them leave the same way he did, without any fight from me.

I completely separated myself from them. Every thing they did, said, or I saw while with them reminded me of him. So when they left I felt an odd sense of peace.

Was I ready to move on from it all? No. But knowing they were all far away and couldn't hurt me anymore…helped.

My parents, from what I heard, excused me for my horrible displays and poor manners. They sided once again with them and everyone else.

We fought.

I would not budge.

They couldn't comprehend how Edward could do those horrendous things to me; it wasn't till Emmett mentioned his brother's new arm candy that my father saw the truth in my words.

My mother, the blind fool, held onto hope. Hope that we would be together, that we would marry and give her the grandbabies she has always dreamed of.

It's sad to say but I was definitely on my own. I tried after those first initial months to give them the benefit of the doubt, to try and mend my relationship with them both. But after that disgusting display I witnessed the week and a half they were here, I gave up.

I went back to my escape, my isolation from them and the world outside. My room was the only place that brought me any comfort these days, so I hibernated for the remainder of that month.

And before I knew it my junior year was just a day away.

The morning of the first day, I woke up an extra two hours early; I was determined to start the year off on the right foot. I put a little extra effort into my look by wearing a short denim skirt with a cute layered tank from Aeropostale and some blue Chucks. My hair was left in loose curls down my back with my bangs straightened and swept over my left eye.

I was never one for makeup but I did put on some mascara and lip gloss to polish off my look a bit.

I grabbed a pop tart on my way out the door. I was one of those people that never liked them warm, so I didn't have to worry about wasting time, popping them in the toaster.

Jumping into my shiny black Volkswagon Beetle, I cranked on some Evanescence and headed to my version of hell for the next year.

Students were everywhere and parking was a bitch but I was lucky enough to find a spot near the entrance. I saw some of his old friends right away. They looked unsure of what to say or do, so I made it easy… I kept on walking as if I didn't know them.

Everywhere I went people were staring and pointing. Guess I had my answer…they knew.

I was trying hard to not let my anger out on anyone, I swear I was, but when Jessica approached, me looking for gossip, I flipped.

I had never hit someone, never. But when she told me that I wasn't enough to hold a man like Edward and that it was a long time coming, I tucked my thumb in like my father had taught me and I let loose.

I could hear the crunch of her nose breaking and when the blood poured, I didn't feel queasy, sick or sorry. Nope, I felt vindicated.

She came here looking to tear me down and I put a huge stop to her.

Her friends screamed and tried to help her, the school security came to investigate what happened and I was taken to the office. But not without the applause of more than half the school, they saw what happened. I came to my own defense.

They had no choice but to call my dad, he came.

I explained for the tenth time.

I stood firm that she had come at me and I merely defended myself.

He accepted and told them it was self defense.

They had no choice but to believe, the whole school stood behind me.

Jessica learned a valuable lesson that day…don't fuck with someone nursing a broken heart.

After that day I spoke to a few people here and there, but when they asked about him, I would clam up.

That was one conversation I was not willing to have with the likes of these people. They, like everyone else, never cared; they just wanted the juicy gossip I had about him and them.

With the months passing at a rapid pace the commodity of gaining this juicy story wore out. People move on quickly if they don't have anything new to hold onto. So since all they knew was that he left, we broke up and I'm still here…they stopped.

That was fine with me.

My afternoons were filled with every extra club or activity I could join. I was wearing myself out, I knew this but refused to stop and dwell.

Monday's were chess club days.

Tuesday's were all about drama.

Wednesday was soccer practice with games on Saturdays.

Thursday's became yearbook and our school paper.

And Friday's well that was my favorite, I became a singer.

My only day where I had to stop and recoup was Sunday, the Lord's day. Not that I went to church or anything, I just stayed in and watched what my neighbors were up to.

Ms. Cope was still a perv from what I've seen, so no change there.

The creepy, dirty, cheating husband across the street washed his wife's car and mowed the lawn, so nothing interesting there.

And the little girl learning to ride her bike was now popping wheelies the last time I saw her, so proud of that one.

And me, I wrote.

Lyrics.

Poems.

Or maybe just a line here or there.

That was all I did on my Sundays.

Today's entry was short and simple, but from the heart.

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

Well that was sad wasn't it?

But it will get better, I promise.

It won't be an easy road, but what is easy in life?

Please leave me your thoughts, I love hearing from every single one of you…See you in two weeks.

*Muahhh* Massy