The Ducks showed up to see Portman as soon as visiting hours started the next day. Orion and Fulton had both stayed their overnight with Fulton's mother, and seemed surprised when the team showed the next day, Julie and Dwayne holding flowers. Charlie and Fulton hugged and although it was somewhat obvious that Fulton had been crying, he was doing a good job of hiding it.

"How is he?" Julie asked.

Fulton turned away from Charlie. "He's uh . . . he's better. At least better than yesterday."

"That's uh, that's good, right?" Ken said.

Orion nodded. "Yeah, it's uh . . . it's okay,"

No one could tell what that meant exactly and the awkwardness in Orion and Fulton's tone was more of a bad thing than a good thing. The awkwardness extended to the Ducks who all just kind of stood there until Charlie said, "Can we uh, can we see him?"

Orion stuffed his hands into his pockets. "I uh, yeah, I think so. Like five or so of you at a time is probably best for now,"

Fulton spoke up first, "Uh, um, wait, Coach, can uh, Julie come in first? Alone?"

Julie and Connie exchanged looks. Orion nodded. "Yeah, sure. That's fine,"

Fulton motioned for Julie who followed him.

"Why me?" Julie whispered as they walked. She'd never been under any sort of impression that Portman liked her. He was always being a dick to her in one way or another.

"He asked for you," was all Fulton said in response.

They got to Portman's room and Fulton opened in awkwardly. Portman was lying in a bed, in a hospital gown, his arm hooked up to some machine, looking more innocent and naïve than Julie had ever seen him before. He smiled when he saw her – and it was so strange to see that smile on the face of someone so weak. "Hey, Julie," he said.

"Hi," she responded quietly.

"Fulton, fuck off," he threw at his friend, less kindly.

Fulton nodded and left, closing the door behind him. Julie didn't like being left alone here and wished desperately that Connie or Adam were with her. She didn't say anything, just crossed her arms and looked off to the side.

"Uh, so . . . sorry the game got cancelled," he said.

"What happened yesterday?" she asked because it was the first thing on her mind.

Fulton played with his fingers. "Guess I snorted too much coke,"

"Cocaine? Portman, are you alright?" she moved closer to him, instantly concerned.

She'd never been around him when he was this serious. Yeah, there'd been times where he was down about a game or something but not like this. "Yeah, yeah, I'm cool . . . cool. It was all fun and games . . . until – it wasn't."

"So, I mean like, what's happening? Are you off the team? Are you expelled?" she sat down in the chair next to his bed.

"Don't know yet. Orion really hasn't said shit to me. Just fucking sits out there where Fulton and his fucking mom come in and out. It's fucking annoying how they won't leave me alone," he scoffed.

"It's just because they care about you. You can't be angry at them for that,"

"Whatever,"

There was more silence between them. All Julie could think about was yesterday when he'd asked for her and now today when he'd asked for her again. What did that mean? Was this another sick joke like the one Averman and Goldberg had pulled? It couldn't be. No one could fake a drug overdose. But still – then was there some sort of truth behind all of this?

"Can I ask you something?" she asked.

"Anything,"

"Why did you ask for me yesterday? I don't know if you remember, but – while everything was going down, you um . . . you asked for me. And today – you asked for me again. I – I don't know what that means. Wh-what does it mean?"

Portman's eyes widened like he was surprised or embarrassed – whatever emotion it was, she couldn't tell. At least he wasn't angry or making one of his remarks. He waited a moment before answering, just smirking and saying, "You're my favorite,"

It wasn't so much of an answer, not really one at all but she catches herself smiling and Portman laughs when she does that and it's the first time she's had that sound from him. It's genuine and it's sweet, it's not his usual crude laughter. It's kind. Special.


Guy had left the hospital right after he'd finished talking to Fulton. He didn't explain why and no one even bothered asking when Alexa showed up in her father's car to drive him home. Connie was standing away from the rest of the team, leaning against a wall near the very back of the hallway.

Charlie approached her cautiously when he finished up with Portman, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Hey," he said in a whisper and Connie reacted to it by pulling him to her for a hug. "You okay?" he whispered into her hair.

"Yeah. I think," she said, wiping a non existent tear from her eye when they pulled apart.

"Are you going home? Do you need a ride home?" he asked.

She shook her head. "Nah. Connor's picking me up,"

Charlie nodded. He always tried not to comment on Connie's boyfriends. "How's your dad?" he asked. He hadn't spoken one on one to Connie in a while.

"Fine," she shrugged. "Drunk,"

"Think we'll all be getting drunk after today," he responded, leaning against the wall next to her.

She chuckled. "Yeah. I really need a drink right now," she paused. "Just you know, seeing him in there, like that . . . I've never even seen Portman with a cold and now he's lying in a bed, completely helpless."

"He'll be fine," he assured her. "I talked to Orion – the doctors said he'll be ready to leave in a few,"

"A few what?"

"He didn't say,"
Connie sighed, thinking of her father and all the substance abuse issues he'd suffered in her life time alone. She knew that drug overdoses weren't just a one time thing. She didn't say that to Charlie, though. Charlie was far too kind for her to worry him. They kept standing for a bit until Charlie let out a sigh. "I uh, I better get home. Have to see my mom and all that,"

She nodded. "Yeah. Gotcha. Tell your mom I said hi,"

Charlie turned and left, walking out of the hospital. It'd been a rough day – yesterday had been rough too and there was really nothing that he could do about it. That was the shittiest part, that there was nothing he could do. He was supposed to be the captain, the one who gave everyone advice and showed them the way, but he truly didn't know what to say about all this. Watching his friends holding back tears while his other friend lay in a hospital bed. And then there's Fulton, who he had to see devastated and heartbroken over seeing the boy he called his brother that way. Fulton had always been so much wiser than Charlie, always seeming to know the right answer to life in general. But for the first time, Fulton was asking him for advice. Real advice. Moral advice, because he didn't know what to do about Portman and Charlie had to tell him flat out he didn't have an answer. It hurt because everyone expects him to have it together, but he doesn't. He doesn't think he'll ever really know the right answer to everything and the only reason people think that he has it together is because Bombay saw something in him (and Charlie still isn't all that sure what he saw) and the team just kept sticking with the notion that Charlie was their leader and would keep everything together for them. (They should've gotten rid of that idea with all the fucking up he did freshmen year).

He was only reminded of just how much he couldn't fix things when he opened the door to his apartment to see his mother lying in the floor holding her stomach, crying. Charlie falls next to her instantly. "Mom? Mom – Mom, what happened?! What happened?"

She grabs onto him instantly, tears staining her cheeks. "Charlie, baby, go inside, go inside,"

"What? Mom, no,"

"He's coming back – he just stepped out to get beer – go to your room," she breathed out through sobs.

And as if on cue, Jim opened the door with a six pack in his hands and a cigarette in his mouth. He stopped in his tracks when he saw Charlie. "Just had a bit of an altercation. Your mother's gotta stop coming home so late,"

Charlie got up and he took Jim by the shirt and he punched him square in the face. It's something that he'd never done before but he just . . . he couldn't take it. He'd never seen his mother in this much pain before. "Charlie! Stop it! Stop it! Please!" she cried out to him.

Jim shoved Charlie off and then pushed him against the wall, holding him there. "Boy, if you touch me again, I swear to God I'll – "

"What? You'll what? Hurt me the way you hurt my mom? Go ahead, try it," Charlie spat back at him. "I can promise you I will sue your ass for everything you're worth right down to the last drop of your five dollar beer,"

It wasn't an exaggeration – it was a truth. Bombay would do anything for the Conways and Jim knew that damn well. He looked from Charlie to his mother and slowly loosened his grip on Charlie. (Somewhat to Charlie's disappoint who wanted to see this guy get sued desperately). "Casey," Jim said, scratching the back of his neck. "I just want to say that I –"

"No," Charlie said sternly, nodding to the door. "You have nothing to say to her,"

"I love you," Jim spat out.

"Sure you do. Now will you please move out of the way so that I can take my mother and get the hell out of here?"

Casey's head popped up. She was sitting up a little bit now and Charlie walked back over to help her stand up. "Charlie, honey, we can't leave – this is our home,"

"We're sure as hell not staying here with him,"

Charlie knew that if they stayed here and just kicked Jim out, he'd be showing up every day because he knew where they were. And even if he didn't, his mother would be asking him to come back within weeks. They needed to go somewhere different. And it couldn't wait either – Charlie'd bring some of the guys with him in a few days to grab whatever shit they really needed – they needed to leave now. "Charlie!" Casey continued protesting as he grabbed his backpack and headed out the door.

"You'll be back!" Jim yelled after them. "Just you wait! You'll be crawling back in bed with me in a week's time!"


"I think I'm gonna tell everyone I'm gay," Adam said at lunch the following day. He and Julie were eating behind the school where no one else ever was, just trying to avoid the rest of the student body who had seemingly heard about Portman and were bombarding the Ducks with questions.

Julie looked up from the sandwich she'd been engrossed in with her brows furrowed. "Uh . . . you sure about that, honey?"

"I don't know," he said.

"Well then what made you say it?"

"I just think maybe – maybe . . . I won't be so angry all the time if I just tell the truth,"

Julie bit her lip. "Are you gonna break up with Jessica first?"

"Yeah. I will after school."

"Think she'll be pissed?"

"Obviously."

"You sure you should, then?"

It was supposed to be a joke, but she was also aware the consequences that were going to come from Adam coming out. Adam scoffed, "It was just a thought, Julie."

"Yeah, well, what do you think the guys are gonna say? I mean, yeah, this is the 90s and times are changing but those guys are idiots. Not everyone is gonna be as accepting as you want for them to be,"

"I know that, Julie. Okay? I'm not stupid," Adam said sternly. He'd been thinking about this a lot lately for no reason other than how angry he'd been at everything and everyone. His therapist had said that maybe it was because he was tired of hiding himself and although he'd denied it to her, he knew that was probably a big part of the reason.

Julie put down her food and put her hand on his shoulder. "I know that. I just don't want to see you get hurt,"

"The Ducks are my family," he stated.

"Sometimes family isn't always all it's cracked up to be," Julie sighed. She loved her own family (and missed them desperately) but she knew about Connie's father and Adam's father and how fucked up most of the Ducks's families were.

"I know. But – the Ducks are the people who I love most in this world. And if I never tell anyone else who I am, that's okay, because I told them. Even if they're not okay with it – at least they know,"

Julie felt herself tearing up and she wasn't sure why. She hid her face so Adam couldn't see but he leaned in to take a closer look. "Are you crying? Julie, come on, don't cry . . ."

"I just . . ." her voice cracked. "I don't want them to be mean to you,"

"Hey, come on. What are they gonna say that I'm not expecting them to say? Goldberg's probably gonna call me a fag. Luis is probably never gonna talk to me again. Even if all the other guys do that – at least I won't be hiding,"

"But Adam, these aren't just friends or family or whatever it is you wanna call them. They're your teammates. Hockey means everything to you what if this messes up your relationship on the ice?"

Adam turned to the side. He hadn't considered that as a possibility before. In the next few weeks, he was probably gonna get scouted and if he wasn't playing well because the team didn't want to be near him after what he'd told them then it all would've been for nothing. He was only coming out to get this giant weight off of his chest and stop forcing himself to be angry and sad all the time. This plan could easily backfire in a huge way. Julie must've seen his hesitation because she took his face between her hands and pulled it to face her. "I don't know what the team is gonna say. But I know what I'll say. I will stand up and I will say 'I'm proud of you, Adam. I stand by you' because I do. And I always will, okay? No matter what they have to say, you will always have me,"

Adam pressed their faces together but didn't look at her. His love for Julie was more important than anything in the world to him. He hoped that she knew that – he wasn't good with words, never had been, but Julie had to know that. "Just, with Portman and everything . . . I don't know if it's the best timing, but . . ."

"No, no. It's good timing. It just proves life is short and you shouldn't waste it hiding who you are,"

He paused and scrunched up a bunch of her hair in his hand. "I just hope Charlie doesn't hate me,"

"You heard what he said at Jessica's party. He wouldn't hate you, alright, trust me. Charlie is a good man. He's a good friend and he's a good captain and I can promise you that he won't let you down."


"Connie's dating Connor Benson, right?" Alexa asked Guy.

"Uh, yeah, I think so?"

Guy and Alexa had been lying on top of his bed for exactly thirty seconds before she'd brought this up. They hadn't really spoken all that much in the past few days outside of anything except Portman and this was the first time she'd brought up something else in that time. "Really? Because Abigail told me that she gave Marco Riggins a blow job today,"

He shut his eyes, not really wanting to talk about this. "I don't know, Alexa, I mean, maybe she's not. I don't know, why are you bringing this up?"

"Because I saw you holding her hand yesterday and then hugging her today,"

He sat up. It wasn't like Alexa to be jealous and he was only holding Connie's hand because she was sad and he was sad and they were at the hospital. And he hugged Connie today because she was his friend. "What does that matter?"

"Because she likes you and . . . she's you know . . . a slut,"

"Don't talk about her like that,"

Alexa sat up quickly. "This is exactly what I'm saying, Guy. It's becoming obvious to me that you have feelings for her,"

"What? I don't have feelings for her – we've been over this, what's brought this on?"

"You don't think it's weird that you're friends with your ex?"

"Not really, no. I mean, we broke up years ago."

"Yeah, and she told you she's still in love with you,"

That couldn't really matter that much, could it? It didn't change anything. "Yeah, I know, but she's not like making moves on me or anything. It's just like it's always been,"

Alexa practically laughed at that. "Oh, come on, Guy. Is that supposed to make me feel better? You guys practically groped each other before we started going out, I mean, she would sit on your lap for God's sake. It can't be just like how it's always been. It has to be different,"

"You weren't pissed off about this until now. Why now?" Guy asked, a little irritated.

"Because . . . because . . . I'm your girlfriend. And it's not fair that every one in school still makes jokes about you and Connie still being a thing because you two can't stay away from each other. I deserve better than that,"

He sighed deeply. "Yeah, yeah, you do. I love you, Alexa. Not Connie, alright?"

"You always say that but it's not good enough anymore,"

"Then what do you want me to do? I cant just stop seeing her, we're on a team together,"

"I'm not saying that, Guy. I'm just, I'm saying that I don't want you to be friends anymore,"

Guy stood up fast. "I can't do that, Alexa. You can't ask me to choose between my friend who I've known since I was nine and my girlfriend who I love very much,"

"If you really love me, you'll do this for me,"

He couldn't understand why she was making him choose. It wasn't like he was doing anything with Connie – she was his friend. She was his best friend, really – and Alexa was his girlfriend. He had a history with Connie, but Alexa was his girlfriend. And yes, not being Connie's friend was going to screw up the relationship with his team . . . but Alexa was his girlfriend. He couldn't give up on his girlfriend, despite the way that he felt about Connie. "Okay," he said finally.

"Okay?" Alexa said with a smile.


Notes: Please review!