I want to start of my thanking Mid-Night Cougar, for the wonderful spotlight she made for this story, in this weeks RobAttack's blog...She inspired me to get back on this horse and start writing new chapter's asap. I usually like to keep quite a few in the bank, but with all my focus on my other story…I have neglected this one a bit... But I promise to you all, this story will be my priority for the next 3 weeks...
Now this chapter will be the last of all the heavy angst for a while. Trust me when I say, writing this chapter towards the end became difficult and heavy on my heart. I needed to throw in this last hurtful moment to seal Edwards's future fate with her and how it will all play out.
Disclaimer: This story will have very harsh at points. There will be heart wrenching moments… I warn you now. You may hate a character or two but I promise no matter how bad it gets … there will be an HEA…. I believe everyone deserves a second chance and so this will be a journey of growth, humility, and finding the simple joys in life… the things that truly matter.
I need to thank my team… Stephanie, Kyla, Rachel, Bev, and Cheryl. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I know I hit you all with so many chapters last week. You never once complained, you just guys held my hand as I poured my heart out with this… I couldn't do this without all the love and helpful, encouraging words you always have for me… I truly love you all!
Twilight isn't mine you know this … I know this… soooo moving on
Chapter 6
Cont. of second year…Senior Year
The day went on in much of the same manner. She was hit on by the jocks; I was being followed by the emo' rockers. Like I said before High School was full of fun times.
Note the sarcasm.
We dodged and laughed at their stupidity.
But we both knew that our minds and hearts were elsewhere. We missed those bastards something fierce and there was absolutely nothing we could do about it.
Months passed and so with it came all the clubs and extra activities I would join; only this time I added a new one…much to my dismay.
Lauren took over our school's cheer squad completely. There was not a single girl that could do what she did and it was such a pleasure to watch them all glare and huff as leaders were called and positions given.
Thanks to all the extra time we put in practicing and making up new routines, I made co-captain and blew away all the other bitches vying for authority.
Among those was Angela 'sluttastic' Webber. It felt so good to make her eat my dust. My splits were perfect, my kicks higher and my body was leaner than hers.
Just between you and me, she had gained a few pounds during the summer.
It felt good to make them see I wasn't just his girl anymore. No, I was Isabella Marie Swan and I didn't need him, well at least to their knowledge.
The only person that knew what was hidden deep inside of me was Lauren.
She was my sister through and through.
With my new status came a lot of outings and events with my fellow peers.
We had basketball, football and soccer to cheer for. Our season was amazing. We took both state championships in basketball and football. We were unstoppable and I had never had so much fun in my life.
It felt good to forget during those hours.
I was someone else.
I mattered.
I was appreciated and felt wanted.
It was more than he had given me while we were together.
I had never realized how one sided everything had been. I watched all around me constantly, seeing people in love, couples just being and accepting the other for who they were.
I wanted that but couldn't see myself with anyone else but him.
How do you let the love of your life go?
I wish I had that answer because I need to let him go, I want to be happy, I need it.
Every time I'm asked out or invited to a dance, I cringe.
Why?
Because it felt like cheating to me, I was still hoping and expecting his return.
Could I go out and have fun? Yes.
Do I want to with anyone else? No.
We kept busy all year and when graduation came, everything crashed down around me.
I had prided myself in getting through the day without crying or breaking. It had been months since my last episode, but mention graduation and all those demons resurfaced.
How was I supposed to sit in there and listen to the man that helped destroy me give another one?
I couldn't bear it.
I had spoken to my mother and told her all this, hoping, pleading, for her understanding… but received neither.
She claimed I was exaggerating and should be over my break up to him already. Of course she would say that. I'm sure in her little head we were still going to get married and give her grandbabies someday.
I had no support there and I wasn't ready to reach out to Charlie just yet.
I was afraid of his anger for the way I lashed out.
Afraid that he too had given up on me, it was better to be left in doubt at this point than know for sure.
Prom came and went and I didn't attend.
Why would I?
The man I wanted, needed and longed for was gone.
Lauren decided to cancel her date the night before the big show. Paul had called her and invited her to his wedding with Rebecca. It seemed the 'ho' had gotten pregnant and both sets of parents demanded they be wed.
My sister was a disaster.
The news broke her heart all over again. She was in no state to go to prom…so she called and canceled.
James, her date, understood. He too had gotten out of a relationship earlier on in the year and was still trying to get over Victoria. They were only going as friends and with this new development he also had a small rehash of when and how he lost her.
Their tragic ending broke all our hearts.
She passed away after a head on collision with a drunk driver. We mourned her with him after the fact. In him we found someone that could understand and in turn we gave him support and an honest friendship.
That night the three of us stayed in and ate a lot of junk. We drowned our mutual sorrow in empty calories and bitched about the idiots that even with their absence couldn't stop hurting us. And he, well he mourned her all over again.
There were tears and hugs and laughter as we remembered her fun loving spirit.
The next couple of weeks seemed to pass in a blur.
We had received our acceptance letters to the University of Central Florida and were moving to Orlando.
James was moving away to UCLA and starting a new chapter in his life. Hopefully he would move on and let go and learn to live again.
The week before graduation we packed all our things and took a road trip down to see the campus at UCF.
We had decided to share an apartment close to campus and had chosen to live in an area called Waterford Lakes.
The area was nice and the school was close. Everything seemed to settle into place perfectly.
It took us some time within the last few days to get all our shopping done and everything situated for moving day. The prior two weekends were spent traveling to our new home and learning the area.
A lot of students lived in the area so we felt comfortable and the added security in the complex was an added bonus.
We had a neighbor named Peter who seemed pretty nice and made us feel quite at home. In the short amount of time we had to mingle and scope out the joint, we became friends with him.
He lived by himself and was studying music. He was a bit of a nerd and could quote every word from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventures like no other.
We liked him and couldn't wait to move in permanently.
Finally graduation came and I refused to show.
I knew I would receive my diploma through the mail so why put myself through all that added stress and memories that had no place in my life, not now, not ever for that matter.
I needed to get away from, not run into, my pain.
Lauren went to graduation. She said, "It sucked," her words not mine.
According to her, no epic speeches were made nor were there any monumental moments she would carry for the rest of her life.
The only thing that stood out, and believe me I wasn't prepared to hear this part, was that he had returned.
It seems he was asked to address the class and give a speech to, "motivate them and make them dream," just as he had received.
She said it lacked enthusiasm and made her want to hurl her shoe at him.
Have I mentioned that I loved this woman?
She did claim that he spent an awful lot of time searching the crowds looking for something. I perked up at this and had a small moment of glee; I hoped it was me he searched for. But then I came back down to earth and every hope I had was dashed.
Was he here to finish me off?
I couldn't trust that his return meant anything positive for me otherwise wouldn't he have contacted me?
That night I went back home instead of staying with Lauren, where I should have. I should have been with my best friend, having a good time.
Instead I walked back to find a bouquet of black roses in my room with a message that read…
Seems congratulations are in order but since your achievements aren't anything grand all I will say is…
Good luck and good riddance
Much Love,
Edward Cullen
His words once again sliced through me as if they were a scalding hot sword. I cried and cried 'till I had nothing left and when I thought I had finally stopped…I cried some more.
I sent a text out to Lauren in between my sobs to tell her as best as I could what he had done.
She barged in, picked me up and helped me calm down. We both knew that we had to leave. With both of us hurting and nursing our fragile hearts we were in desperate need to start a new chapter in our lives. So when I was calm enough I picked up my bags and left this miserable town behind.
We simply left a note to our parents to say that we needed to leave. That we would be back to gather the rest of our belongings and that we loved them dearly, we just simply had to go.
We stuffed my trunks with our bags and left town, squealing tires and running away as if the devil himself was right behind us.
I guess you could say in my reality, Edward is the devil.
*hides behind wall* I warned you all on top that this would be harsh…didn't I? To me this chapter was her turn around in a lot of ways and we will have new characters coming in to leave their mark on her life.
Now on a side note…I need to apologize for the total failure at reviews replies I've been. It's not that I'm doing this on purpose, but I've been extremely sick this last month. I seem to get out of one cold/flu to end up with a throat infection ect ect…I read and appreciate every single one of your reviews and the love and protectiveness you have over Bella. It lets me know I must be doing something right, if you all cry and scream as much as I do, while writing it. So THANK YOU, sincerely from the bottom of my heart.
See you in two weeks….
