A/N - Thanks for your reviews last chapter! This one picks up right where the other left off. Fanart on tumblr.
Emma, Emma, Emma... Sighs.
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Emma looked at her boots, feet housed in black leather that had carried her on many adventures in another life and now in this one. Feet belonging to steps of the past that did not have a family or home and that ran down a blind trail with no end. Sometimes little feet that told stories of ice-cream at Granny's, a school yard fight, meeting Jasper, picnics, and walks. They knew how to make pedals on a bike spin so fast flying seemed possible. Dancing was another talent learned on the top of blue silk heels in the diner on New Year's Eve. New feet cherished just this morning when a scar on the instep of one had been kissed.
Ten foot-steps.
That's all that separated her from the heart hers belonged to at the end of the walk.
With a deep breath, Emma braved the short walk up to the front porch as David left in the cruiser, ducking chin when she couldn't read her Keeper's face. Green welled as she was drawn in for another hug, this one much softer and complete with understanding for the moment she'd just experienced outside. Resting there, breathing in the comfort of home, a tugging raw piece of broken past moved into place.
"I'm so…" The rest of her apology fell away as arms squeezed her gently and a kiss brushed her temple before brown eyes found hers, usually unreadable, they held love and aching shadows.
"We will talk soon. Go into the kitchen and eat your dinner. Then come to the study. You have twenty minutes."
"But…" Pausing as a hand was held up.
"Emma, I need a few minutes of quiet, just as you do before we talk. Go on now."
Gaze found the floor. "Yes, Ma'am."
Emma side stepped into the house, figuring being respectful couldn't hurt. She found a warm plate of chicken marsala and asparagus on the counter with a glass of milk, eyes wincing when she caught the time on the oven clock; 45 minutes late on top of her current trouble. The food tasted amazing, but with her current guilt gut she only ate half before cleaning up her plate. She had exactly three minutes before she was expected in the study and pulled out her phone to shoot off an apology text to Justina. A minute later a small smile hinted up at the reply.
Maybe she'd made a friend after all.
With some lift in her step she went toward the formal office, knocking once on the open door before stepping into the room. Biting her lip again at her inability to read her Keeper as well as she was read. Dark eyes opened again, offering warmth and the couch was gestured. Shuffling over to sit, Emma hugged her flipping stomach as glasses were removed and the Queen joined her, their knees touching.
"Did you get enough to eat?"
"Too much, I couldn't finish, but it was really good." Fidgeting. "I'm sorry I missed dinner and for everything…"
Taking pale hands Regina opened no nonsense as she always did, preferring to get right to the point at hand. "Drinking underage is one thing and right now you are quite under the legal age, at all without asking is something else entirely. We have worked on extensively on that habit and what it means, have we not?"
Emma nodded, biting the inside of her cheek.
"Words my dear."
"The ones I'm thinking will get me in trouble."
"Not as much as your actions have, I guarantee it. Answer my question please."
Emma settled on the second thing she was thinking. "Yeah, we've been working on it."
"However, getting into a car with someone who has been drinking is a whole other level by itself. Right now, you are capable of making better choices than that, despite your size or emotions. So I am wondering if this was some sort of a test on your part like this morning?"
"I didn't drink and drive though!" Ignoring the truth in question, Emma paused at the hard look she was getting and swallowed, but stubbornness won out. "Look, I know what I did was stupid. I don't NEED you to tell me that!" Eyes glassed at the mistake of sass as her chin was quickly caught.
"No. You are anything but that, young lady. Reckless, irresponsible, and dangerous are more appropriate adjectives to describe your misbehavior and you will mind your tone with me." Regina's voice took a sharp edge, worry over what could have happened now and what had happened in their past flashed in mind. Quieting, with a deep breath, she shook her head. "Drinking, getting in a car with strangers who were drinking, a newly licensed driver without an adult, coming home in the cruiser… Did you think I would not figure this out? Your eyes give you away every time Emma. And obvious with the smell of smoke, alcohol, and your face, it is quite clear that you want or maybe need a reaction from me."
"I-I wasn't…" Stammering as hiding from those knowing eyes suddenly became impossible. "Okay, I was… but I didn't mean to at first and I'm not trying to get in trouble. I wanted a chance to blend in and just hang out." Emma's voice shook as thoughts spilled. "I just wanted a few hours of normalcy and to pretend I was just another teenager hanging with my friends. I never got that experience at this age. Once almost with Lily, but you know how that turned out. I miss that from our old life and it got out of hand."
Nodding. "Not having friends to share with that are your age, at six or now, is hard for you."
"But…" Emma pulled her chin back, waiting.
"There is no but. That is a fact." Taking the teen's hands again, Regina rubbed her thumbs along the backs as the girl processed.
"I might have made a friend today." Chancing eyes upward. "That's why I was almost late before you texted, time got away from me. You know Justina Wood?"
Thoughtful. "The carpenter's daughter, I think… Was she the one who was smoking or was it the other one you were with?"
Emma winced. "She was…" Eyes widened. "I didn't though!"
"I believe you." Regina nodded reassuringly knowing that Emma personally found the habit as disgusting as she did. "I'm glad you made a friend. Really, you need and deserve them. As for almost being late, your text telling me where you were and that you were on your way was a good choice on your part. You are not in trouble for that." Praise where it was due brought light to green eyes before moving on. "Now, what did you drink?"
Another wince. "Scotch, but if it's any conciliation your cider is waaaay better."
"Emma, I'm well past jokes or any banter. If you need time to understand the gravity of the conversation we are having right now before we continue, then the corner is just there."
"No thank you." Shoulders dropped. "Sorry."
"How much did you have to drink?"
"Barely any…" Frown deepened when she saw the brow. "Three sips and I didn't mean to take the first one. That was an accident. A bottle was passed to me and I didn't look at it before I had some. We were all sharing snacks so I didn't think about it. I was sucked into what was happening. But the other two I knew not to and I… sorta, maybe did them on purpose." The silence that followed was unexpected and a knee began to bounce.
"Why?"
"What?" Head jerked up in confusion.
"You heard me clearly."
"But… you know why."
Regina nodded. "I do, but do you?"
"I… I think so." Blushing. "I guess maybe I wanted to see if our dynamic, how we work is still the same, like you said in the diner this morning." When said like that, it sounded so childish, and she was embarrassed of the fact that further confirmed how deep she was wrapped up her new emotions.
"I think you will find that very much the case. It seems actions need to speak louder than words for you to understand that, but words we will finish having first." Turning and resting a hand on a jitterbug knee as green eyes met hers.
"I'm sorry though and I know what I did was really messed up."
"Your adult self and I have talked about this, but your ears need to hear these words too." Taking the nervous fingers between cool palms. "I don't expect there will be for you, not after we are done tonight, but if there ever is a time where you are tempted to drink, or under the influence, or an uncomfortable situation you call me and if not me a trusted adult. I don't care how late it is or what is happening, your life is too precious to gamble with. Do you understand me Emma?"
"Yeah and I will, promise, but there won't be another time like this." Teeth tore dry skin from pink lips, unable to hold back asking anymore. "Are you gonna… you know?" Growing nervous as the silence stretched. 'Come on don't make me say it.'
"Am I going to what?"
'Gah! Of course you are…' Emma thought pouting as her mouth tried to work. "Are you gonna give me a reminder?"
Regina regarded the girl looking anxiously at their joined hands, her girl, despite the teen body housing the Savior. When she had raised Henry she had stopped using that well before he turned six and even then sparingly. He didn't need it, temperament and being brought up from infancy under her careful care as he had been.
"It didn't cross my mind initially when David called earlier." Recalling her first instinct to make sure Emma was safe, emotionally and physically.
Hopeful green eyes flashed up, batting lashes twice.
"Then I had time to think about the ramifications of what could have happened. You and I have rules and agreements don't we? Two very important ones you broke tonight, weather you meant it as a test or not."
"I knew it..." Emma sank further into the couch, boot rubbing against the friction of the throw rug.
"You did Emma and yet you still made those choices. Your body and emotions are young enough that the decision about you having a consequence at all is mine, but old enough to take some responsibility for your actions. You chose to test me and so you will choose your consequence from two options." She could see the need to be free of the guilt that resided in those eyes clearly and thought Emma might too.
"I hate it when you make me pick and I hate it when you pick." Unhappy with either option at this point, Emma leaned forward placing elbows on knees, eyes on the floor. "What are my choices?"
"Look at me please." Clouds of green gazed over. "You may be grounded for a week. No outings. No screens except your phone if we are apart, only home and work, if you grow in that time, otherwise we will be together. Early bed, extra chores. Or the reminder we use for when you slip into this habit, though both go along with some hefty reading about the dangers of drinking underage and being in a car with someone who is under the influence along with comprehension questions to make sure you understand the material. Anything less than 100% we will discuss and you will be redoing until it is."
The thought of requiring an essay, as she would have assigned Henry, was short lived with Emma's writing ability. She would never use that as a way to correct misbehavior, but an assigned reading with questions spaced throughout the text to answer provided the breaks Emma's hand and brain would need while still holding this version accountable to learn something from her actions. The adult Emma was wouldn't have so easily slipped and getting in the truck would not have crossed the Savior's mind had she been so. Regina had made sure of that, years ago. This version now needed that message.
Groaning Emma fell back on the couch. "A whole week! You know anything more than a few days is pure torture for meeee."
"Keep whining and we can add on to either side of the two choices."
Straightening up. "No thanks."
"Your actions have weight and they affect others. You need to feel them, own them, one way or another. For the situation at hand I've offered you a balanced scale to pick from."
"When do I havta decide?"
"You have fifteen minutes. Either way whatever you choose goes into effect tonight, reading aside, which you can start on tomorrow, as it is getting late." She pulled the girl into her arms, stroking curls. "I love you, more than I have words for… Think about it."
Emma closed her eyes, lips rolling in at the affection she craved, but fought. "Do I have to think here?"
"No, but stay close. I'll call for you when your time limit is up." She'd considered having Emma reflect in the corner, but in this moment decided the girl needed a different kind of quiet to consider the choices offered.
Emma slowly left the room, returning to the solitude of the kitchen to ponder her options. They both sucked in her opinion, but were also fair and expected for what she did within the confines of their relationship.
Being grounded when she wanted space at this age wouldn't be fun, nor would not being allowed TV, her I-Pod or video games to help distract her from stress. She didn't like lingering consequences. She much preferred to face it and be done. Yet the closeness of being tied to her Keeper the times she had been grounded always brought the authoritative comfort she often sought, even when she was bored out of her mind with nothing to do, no matter what age she was. Then there was something satisfying in general about having decisions made for her knowing she would be held to a higher standard for behavior than she would have ever set for herself if left to her own devices as she had been her whole life before their dynamic.
Then there was idea of a reminder. Those always made her blush with embarrassment, and right now her cheeks were crimson. Though the need it satisfied, sometimes for being able to get out of her head and back into the present or righting her wrong and starting over clean, always outweighed that emotion. She found healing through tears, the physicality of processing her feelings that way was a gift discovered at the suggestion for stress relief one afternoon, a long time ago, from red lips in the birth of their relationship. Much reading and discussion had happened before hand and the more Emma had learned about this thing people did the more hope had grown inside that it might work for her too.
The ten minutes Emma had spent across her Keeper's knee the very first time for stress relief brought the finality of understanding what she needed to begin feeling again and learning to let go of the guilt of her actions, the weight of the past. In this way she had learned self forgiveness and the dark voice that often ate at her inside her head began to go away. The onslaught of tears they had been prepared for changed a piece of their hearts and their relationship since.
That was the fine beauty to their dance; Regina set the bar high and Emma was expected to reach it, with plenty of loving support provided, but the expectation was clear and attainable. The line or how far Emma was allowed to stray was also set and would hold firm no matter how many times she attempted to step over it. Being safe and protected, noticed and cherished, accountable and loved as she was now fed her soul after being starved for those feelings for so long.
Her name softly called from the study pulled her back to the present and after taking a moment to confirm her choice, she left the room with decision in hand. Emma entered the formal space quietly her arm outstretched in offering just as the brunette stood from the desk.
A dark brow arched in surprise as she walked toward the blonde, eyeing the small wooden spoon in a pale fist. "A reminder then?"
Emma shook her hand with emphasis. "I drank without asking." The reason clear enough in her brain to deserve the sting she'd felt only once before and had no desire to feel again. It had done its job the day it had been used on her adult side almost two years ago and she figured Regina would ask her to fetch it so it would do the job on stopping this impulse she seemed to have right now.
Rounding the desk, Regina wrapped an arm around the girl, leading her to the sofa to sit. "You did drink three sips as you said, but not necessarily with the intent to do so, at least initially." A green question found her. "Make no mistake I am not alright, at all, with the choices you made tonight. Testing or not, given your current physical state and your mindset with what you've shared, I am not sure how much you were able to help yourself. I am more upset over your choice to get into a car with someone who had been drinking. My mind did cross using the spoon for a few well placed key points if a reminder was your choice."
Scowling at the idea, but pensive. "I feel awful and once I knew what I was doing, I could have helped myself, and I didn't. I just thought since last time... I figured you would, but if not…" She easily tossed the spoon between them on the coffee table, glad to be rid of it and quickly crossed her arms.
"I did not say I wouldn't." Regina, while respecting those words, realized there was something else she needed to make clear. "I know exactly what you need. We set the rule we have about drinking together and the consequences when a slip occurs." She tucked hair behind Emma's ear. "I gave you two choices to consider; exactly how either of those is carried out are not your decisions to make right now, as per our agreements, though I will take your feelings into consideration." A brief gesture towards the spoon.
Emma dropped her arms with a sigh, the line again clear once she was put in her place on the right side of it. "I'm sorry… For everything."
"I can see that sweet one. Is a reminder your choice then?"
Squirming. "Yeah." Growing hot at the reality.
"Are you sure?"
Thoughts moved back to her time in the kitchen and again to their previous conversations, all of them through the years. She wanted to feel better and own her choices. Like it or not, and she loathed it, she needed that spoon right now. "Yes, I am."
"Thank you for taking responsibility for yourself. Go take a shower and get ready for bed. You are going right to sleep afterwards. I'll be up soon."
Regina watched the blonde scoot out of the room and returned her gaze to the spoon. Skin on skin during a reminder session was usually all Emma required to get to where she needed to be emotionally, to let go of the tears and guilt of actions and for self forgiveness to take place. Aside from the one consensual use of the spoon during a full blown relapse of their rules, she'd never spanked Emma with anything other than her hand, preferring to feel exactly the kind of heat she was igniting on the pale flesh beneath her palm. Yet Emma's expectation for it without having to ask for the implement to be gotten spoke to the respect, effectiveness, and impact it had left behind.
Reaching for the wicked wood Regina tested it against her palm and again against her thigh at measured levels of light to moderate strength as she had before using it the first time. The water turning off overhead reminded her of where she needed to be shortly and with a sigh she set the spoon back on the table, taking the next several minutes to think.
Upstairs Emma toweled off and ran a comb through damp hair, glad to be rid of the cigarette smoke that clung to her curls. She padded across the hall and found a pair of blue flannel star pattern PJs in her dresser, wearing that and a pair of matching socks. With nothing left to do, she sat on the bed and waited. Eyeing Stitchy with sudden want she allowed herself the comfort of running fingers through his blue fur. The knock on her door brought glassy eyes up and then down accompanied with a hard swallow at what rested in her Keeper's hand. The bed sank next to her and the spoon was set behind the Queen out of sight.
"I thought about your request and we will see if that is needed or not as we go." She decided that the girl's response and ease of letting go or of fighting the release would determine if that extra push was needed.
"Okay." A whisper.
"Turn around for me."
Emma let go of her knees and scooted around, back to the Queen and relaxed into the fingers feathering strands of hair into a French braid. Another simple routine that brought great comfort and she was grateful still the same. The end was tied off and hands rested on her shoulders softly before leaving. With a deep breath she looked back into brown eyes.
"Come here." Gently coaxing with a finger pointing to the spot in front of her. Regina allowed the girl to take her time standing to attention. She took sweaty hands in her own. "You are about to go over my lap for a few different reasons. Tell me what those are please."
"For drinking in general without asking and underage and being in a car with someone who I know has been drinking… and testing you." Squirming as she was brought forward to stand between the Queen's knees.
Saying the words her transgressions was never a missed step in their ritual and did a few things for both of them. For Emma it helped her own her actions and prepared her mind to let them go. For the Queen it confirmed the blonde understood the reason they were there as well as provide another opportunity for clarity if needed.
"Not for testing me, no. The result of that being you having to choose, to take some ownership over your actions and consequence. While testing is not something I like, I realize you will do that on occasion and I know where it comes from. Do you understand that difference?"
Quietly. "Yes Ma'am."
"That aside, you are correct. You could have been seriously hurt today and we will be talking in more depth about what that could have looked like over the next few days as you complete your reading assignment." Pulling on both hands, she guided Emma across her knee.
Emma hid her face in a pillow as she was adjusted, upper body resting on the bed and her legs left to dangle, toes still short of brushing the floor despite her in between size. She hoped for a quick session, but tummy fluttered when her PJ pants were not taken down before the arm tightening around her mid section signaled the beginning. That was never good news.
Her breath caught at the firm attention getter that was followed by lighter hand. Dropping her head as the slow pace was set she knew she wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. A drawn out session had both pros and cons; much less intensity initially, but more time in that position, to remember her place and why she was there. She'd gotten few of these for different reasons and they never failed to leave the impression intended. After a minute she couldn't help but fidget as the steady warmth was beginning to build into some discomfort.
As her blue PJ pants were slipped down to mid thigh she let out a long whine of protest and threw her hand back to cover, refusing to move it when asked. Once clasped out the way defiance was rewarded with firm attention, one each to the crease of a thigh with a quick hand.
"Oowww… Sorry!" Eyes smarting, as her hand was released to join to its mate.
A minute later Emma's toes curled when she lost her last layer and tears of remorse started when she was shifted forward, and the pace increased, but not the strength. This type of session always made her legs get a life of their own and the moment she began kicking there was a brief pause as she was turned slightly and pulled further over the left knee of her Keeper, freeing up a toned leg. The Queen's calf caught both of hers, pinning them gently against the side of the bed, so she wouldn't accidentally buck off that lap. Though the tears had started, the damn had yet to break and after a steady hand raining the heat was here, but Emma's mind struggled to let go of what she'd done. Her hand crept back again to cover and then shot to grab the blanket instead when there was a pause at her movement.
"Give me your hand please." Instructed Regina, not wanting the accidentally nip delicate fingers.
"I c-can do it, you don't have to."
"Now Emma." The girl slowly obeyed and she took up the stray, holding it in her own. "Listen to me very carefully my girl. Drinking without permission or underage, driving or riding along with someone who has is not a conversation I want to have with you again, but I will each and every time if you need me to. If there is a next time, and I hope for your sake there is not, this will be a much longer part of our session."
Emma stiffened she felt cool wood press into her right cheek. "P-please nnoo. I don't need t-that."
"I'm beginning to think you do, dear heart."
Plea sincere, the crocodile tears were not what they both were after and Emma was fighting the release. The beginnings of a cathartic cry rested there between syllables, waiting to be let go. And they were within two moderate cracks with another two keeping open the walls of a heart and mind to drain. Spoon dropped, hand and legs were freed, and skin to skin returned for a few additional swats, providing the contact needed for Emma to lose herself in feeling.
"That's my girl." Free hand massaging tension away from the small of a back. "Let it all out baby."
Emma cried harder at those words, her left arm tucked under her chest uncoiled and she wrapped it around the back of her Keeper's waist in a half hug. Her test given earlier earned a perfect score and she had no desire, no need to push in this area again. After her breathing settled she leaned up and was helped to her feet. Hands found her Keeper's knees for balance, allowing clothing to be righted for her, too tired at the thought. Arms guided her to sit, with some discomfort, and be held as the tears slowed and sniffles began. Tissues made it into pale hands and a forgiving kiss to cheek made Emma lean into the lingering affection. After the day filled with choices and tests, accountability and forgiveness, she was felt deeply loved and wanted; the dark voice in her head was there, quieter for the moment, but still hungry for her insecurities. For now, safe in those arms, she could not feed it. Wet eyes found the key to the locked door of feelings this time around resting on her bedroom rug.
"That thing still bites the same." Emma pointed an accusing finger at the little spoon, and tucked up further into the Queen.
Soft laughter agreed with that assessment and Regina helped Emma stand as she pulled down the duvet. Thoughtful orbs watched as the girl curled up underneath, looking younger with pink cheeks and sleepy eyes. She returned to sit on the edge of the bed, gently tucking stray curls back from that sweet face.
"I love you, Emma."
"Love you too and I'm sorry again." Emma yawned, the breadth of the day made lids heavy.
"You have said your apologies and consequences are done, sweet girl. It's time to move on from this." Tucking blankets. "I want you to know that while you were having your adventure earlier I looked into some classes for you." Smiling when green eyes brightened. "There is a mixed levels martial arts class at the studio where you took Kung Fu that is offered to all ages I thought you might like." When she'd crafted the Do Over spell she had gone to great lengths to keep what she could, and would work for Emma's second chance, the same as their real life. A few jobs for people had been rearranged and memories for all, but the core of Storybrooke had not been shifted.
"So I can take a class, no matter what age I am and still be in the same group?" Hopeful of having that be a part of their routine again in this reality.
"Yes, that is the idea."
Emma wrinkled her nose briefly. "You'll talk to the instructor so it is not weird and maybe… you can come watch me, like before?"
"I've already called and had the discussion. Mulan is eager to have you just as she was in our other life and yes, I would love to watch you. Shall I sign you up and get a range of uniforms ordered?"
"Please and thank you." Mumbled sleepily into a neck as she popped up for one last hug. "Stay with me…" Whisper left unfinished, Emma became tangled over the affection wanting to come again and needed far more than she had words for.
Regina dimmed the overhead light and turned on the swan lamp with a wrist flick, slipped off her shoes and curled up along the girl's back. As Emma snuggled into sleep fingers tamed stray curls and lips found a sweet temple. "Rest now. Mama's right here, baby."
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A/N - Hope you liked it. Please review.
Next time - lighter chapter/times ahead. Many requests for the awkward conversation that often comes with this age Emma is will occur along with a shift back to adult Emma for a chat on next steps in the Snow saga. Until then *cheers!*
