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"But Mama I wanna see them!"
Emma whined with a six year old mouth at being tucked in for a nap Friday afternoon before Christmas Eve when Henry and Paige were due at the mansion any time now. She'd woken little that morning after being an adult all week. The excitement of the holiday was filling her up to the bursting point and though her body was tired, her mind was wound.
They had spent any time away from Town Hall and the Station shopping, readying the house for guests and decorating for the holiday. The blonde had been able to attend two Martial Arts classes before the studio closed for a week following the holidays. The physical classes had helped take the edge off the stress of the coming weekend. Emma had also, under Regina's eye, spent time in search for a way, in no less than a dozen spell books with nothing yet as a promise, to give her control of her shifts. A spell or potion she desperately wished she had now to avoid the nap she was being told to take.
Unbeknownst to Emma the Queen had been working on a spell of her own, one she hoped would work. She'd be testing that idea early next week with the help of Ruby and Granny. If she was correct and the test worked the gift she would have to give Emma would be worth the last few weeks of long nights and tired days. Her girl needed predictability and she would do just about anything to ensure Emma had what she needed. And right now that was a nap.
"You will see them when you wake up." The Queen patted the sheets where she held the duvet up expectantly. "This way you can stay up later tonight."
"Ookaaayy." Little feet shuffled over from the pile of Legos on the floor at the promise and climbed in. Emma settled down under the covers, accepting a kiss and biting her lower lip as her Keeper sat on the side of the bed.
"Why the worry sweet one?"
"I know we talked to them lots about the spell and what's been happening, but what if it's too much for them?" Blonde brows knitted, fear of rejection beginning to cover her heart. "What if I'm too much?"
"Henry understands Emma and he assured us Paige does too. You can't help what size you are or your feelings right now and no one expects you to." She ran her fingers soothingly through wild curls.
"I know… but I meant how we are with each other."
"We will be ourselves, especially in our own home. This is our haven away from the eyes of the world. If there are questions we will answer to the best of our ability. However, I am sure Henry will be more concerned about winning the Mario Cart tournament you challenged him to. He has a record to defend; a three to one winning streak I believe."
Little grin with teeth. "He's going down Mama. My fingers are quicker on the remote when I'm this size." She turned into the hand cupping her cheek and snuggled down.
"Time to rest, now. Close your eyes."
Regina stayed a few more minutes and darkened the room as she left. With a quiet house she began prepping dinner, deciding to make Henry's favorite version of lasagna with the red pepper flakes. As she worked, she felt a twinge of anxiety over Emma's worry. While their immediate family was accepting, she wondered about the brunch coming up in a few days and how that would go with a house full of people. She enjoyed entertaining, but felt the need to have everything even more perfect than normal for Emma. There would undoubtedly be a set back if Snow didn't behave. She made a mental note to call the Princess to check in and confirm their plans, possibly answer any questions left in that pixie haired head.
Fifteen minutes later there was a knock at the door and Regina's heart fluttered as she smoothed her apron. The second the front door was open she meshed with their son, breath catching at the length of time since seeing him, the real him. A hug for Paige came next. She ushered the young adults into the kitchen, getting them settled with drinks as she continued to cut the vegetables for their meal. Easy conversation flowed between them, Henry of course beginning with wondering where his other mother was.
"She's sleeping at present." A thump from upstairs caused them all to look up. "Or is supposed to be… She woke up six this morning and being that size takes a lot out of her, much as it did you at that age." The sound of feet on stairs had Regina rinsing her hands and drying them quickly, ready to receive the little body that slammed into her legs when she went to the entry way of the kitchen.
"Are they here yet? I thought I heard voices…" Emma hugged red slacks.
"They are. A quick hello then it is back to bed." Regina tapped a little nose gently.
"Awwwwww!"
Henry laughed at the whine, one he was still getting used to whenever they happened to FaceTime when his Ma was small. A blonde whirlwind came at him, kissing his cheek and choking his neck with strong arms.
"Hey little Ma, I missed you!"
Emma sniffed, fisting a damp eye. "I missed you too kid."
Paige reached for the blonde. "What am I chopped liver? Come here Emma!" Laughing when she got the same treatment Henry had.
They'd been told about the other versions of themselves in the spell. The interactions they'd all had, the significance of what they must have meant for Emma was not lost on either of them. It warmed Henry's heart to see the blonde so happy and carefree. Ever observant like his other mother, he took in the woman who had raised him for half his life. A weight rested between the shoulders where nearly black hair rested and some weariness behind brown eyes that concerned him. Then the Queen smiled. Brightness he'd missed seeing lit up that face watching Emma show off a move learned in Kung-Fu.
After a few minutes more of demonstrations Emma reluctantly and with much coaxing not lost on the young adults in the room, went back upstairs to finish her nap. Regina returned only after she was sure the girl was out. In the time she had been gone, Henry had finished chopping the vegetables and Paige had begun to wash the dishes used for prep.
"You don't have to do that you two. You both are guests." Regina tried to take back the prep job, but Henry was having none of it.
"Mom, you got your hands full with Ma, enjoy the break for a minute." He smiled knowingly, having heard stories about little Emma's shenanigans that always had him in stitches. "How are my grandparents doing with all this? Ma said you guys had a break through last week."
Regina gave up and sat on her stool, conjuring a sparkling water and sipped before speaking. "We did. They are coming over Christmas morning for brunch."
"Wow, must have been some conversation." He was well aware of the tension between his grandparents and his birth mother and glad that they were starting to get on good terms again.
"It was. I'm sure Emma will tell you all the details about it when she's big again."
"How are you, with all this? Must be a lot." He worried as he always did about his mothers and the one in front of him always pushed to make sure everyone else around her was happy without a second thought to herself.
Brown eyes shined at the sweet inquiry. "We are getting to a good place. Returning home again has had its challenges. Balance has been hard to achieve, but I am working on a remedy for that. Emma is settling in, but it has been difficult on her."
"I know Ma is bonkers with all the shifts and stuff. She says you make it so much easier on her and that's great, but how are you Mom? Are you feeling okay with everything?" Pausing a knife on the side of an onion as their eyes met.
Realization of what their son was asking hit her stomach and she broke that imploring gaze. "Emma told you about my memories, didn't she?"
"Only that you gave up some precious ones so she could have a second chance in the spell. She didn't tell me what they were of. When were FaceTiming last weekend she brought it up." Sensing he had said too much and that something was way off with his Mom.
A flash of hurt and then anger crossed Regina's eyes that her explicit request to keep that detail between them had been ignored. Another rock flipped in her gut at the reminder of the Imp's revelation that her memories were indeed gone forever. She had had the faintest bit of hope before then, but now it felt like those memories were being stripped again. All she had left was her privacy to heal, in her own way and Emma had been trusted to keep that quiet. Closing her eyes as her blood quickened, she gripped the glass in hand firmly as to not lose it with her rolling insides. Her confidence had been broken over something extremely intimate and that never sat well with her, triggered too many dark moments of the past.
Regina sighed remembering leaving that FaceTime conversation and her phone in six year old hands for a few minutes when she had went to check on dinner. She let go of the anger wanting to surface, never being able to dwell there long when Emma was involved, but some hurt remained that her request had not been heeded. She'd be discussing it with the little blonde later; needing to understand the intent and logic behind that reveal.
Strained. "I'm feeling better, but it will take time. How was the drive from Boston?" She needed to turn the subject to something neutral. Henry's voice helped distract from the one spewing in her head.
Her heart was a very private thing, and parts of it still to their son. So few knew the tangled depths of it well enough to navigate without a map. One of them was long gone by her hand and the other a blur of a memory. Emma knew enough to move from chamber to chamber freely; a trusted cell. The dark door in her mind cracked open again, old words and rationales escaping from past demons before she could slam it shut. Quickly she excused herself to the restroom where she was quietly, but thoroughly sick over them, memories twisting her core. Running cold water on her wrists helped being down the burn rising under her skin and she took her mind through a set of breathing exercises to help slow her heart. When the nausea passed several minutes later she wiped her eyes and returned to the kitchen.
Nearly an hour later and much calmer, Regina heard feet once again overhead and she went to intercept Emma, needing a moment to process what Henry had said earlier. She caught a running blonde at the top of the staircase, lifting the girl to her hip. Going back towards the lavender room for privacy as a green question stared.
"Mama, downstairs is the other way." Stating the obvious and squirming to get down. Going still once the hand supporting her patted in warning.
"Be still please. I want to talk to you for a few minutes before we join them." Regina pushed the white door open with her hip and closed it behind them once in the room.
Emma paled. "Are they okay with me? It was too much, huh?"
"No, no, nothing of the kind." Regina reassured with a kiss, Emma's feelings her first priority as she sat on the purple bench with the girl sideways on her lap. "Though Henry and I did talk. He asked me how I was, really was, and shared that you told him I gave up some memories for you to have your second chance."
'Opps.' Emma thought as she registered the heaviness in her Keeper's tone and she remained quiet as russet eyes studied her.
"Emma?"
Teeth chewed a thumb and wide guilty eyes stared up. "He did?"
"He did and I specifically remember asking you to keep that piece between us for more reasons than him not needing to be worried with it." Regina ended firmly and tried to soften her tone with her next words, knowing how sensitive her girl could be. Cracking. "You gave me your word."
Emma fidgeted again. "I didn't tell him what they were, I wouldn't do that."
"Still you told him something more than you should have." Pain was evident now, failing to keep it away from little ears.
"I thought I was helping." Whispering as her mistake took hold.
Regina sighed, hand automatically going to stroke the child's back. She'd come a very long way from the woman who had sought revenge for a secret told, but traces of the betrayal that had cost her so dearly still nipped pieces of her mind. Seeking to understand what she might have missed, she asked for clarity.
"How were you trying to help exactly?"
"I thought maybe he might be able to help us search for a way for you to get them back. He's smart like that and he always knows what to say to help you feel better when you're sad in a way that I never do." Fingers played with the hem of her shirt.
Intentional, but for reasons meant to ease her pain, not add to it. She suspected as much. Still Regina struggled to be understanding of Emma's logic. Keeping something private when she was assured it would remain so was a sharp line to cross in her brain, no matter who it was.
Eyes closing. "That is a nice thought and I appreciate you wanting to help, though that was my choice to make, not yours." Swallowing tears down. "What I needed was your confidence until I was ready to share with our son."
"I'm sorry Gina." She caught the drawback between the syllables of her Keeper's voice.
"And you may show me by obeying now." Falling back on their dynamic and their love for each other to settle her need for balance. Regina lifted the blonde off her lap to stand between her knees.
"Please…" Sucking in a lower lip. "I will Mama."
Studying that little face, the Queen took a mental step back making a decision. Emma needed to think, not a reminder, a full one anyway. Turning small shoulders, she sent the child towards the corner with a firm swat. "Six minutes to think about what I said."
Little eyes glassed, though not from the deserved spank. Emma quietly completed her think time, realizing the full extent of what she had done; pulling one of Regina's known triggers. Breaking confidence or trust was the one thing on the Queen's list of taboos to avoid. Even done with the best intentions, it was still sacred ground; one simply didn't trespass there.
She felt sick.
Having done this only once before in their other life over the lock box, the gravity of her actions made breathing hard. There she hadn't realized the significance of what she had done, not having the memories of their discussions about limits and triggers. Regina had been patient with her misadventure, having dealt with the hurt over it in private.
Here Emma had no excuse and right now she was not the adult she should be to help the Queen process that trigger. She was six and would be treated as such until she grew. Heavy feet returned to the brunette's side as she was called. The next question was a formality Emma didn't need, but one Regina did at the moment.
"Do you understand why I put you in timeout?"
"I told Henry something that was meant to be private and that's a trigger for you." Daring though to call it was it really was. Emma reached her hands up to take her Keeper's face, a little thumb wiping a single tear that fell. "I know sorry is not enough, but I am. I'm so sorry."
Regina broke allowing Emma to see the hurt falling down, not something she often did especially when her girl was this size. She was the adult right now, her little girl's Mama, the Keeper, Mayor and a Queen; all those roles, but still at her core just Regina. As raw as that was to experience this moment she couldn't help but sit in it with Emma cupping her wet face. It took several minutes for the tears to stop, conjured tissues helped and hugging arms.
"I accept your apology, thank you." Regina ran a forgiving hand down the length of blonde curls, resting to gently pat a small behind in comfort as Emma squeezed tighter. She stood with the girl in arms, needing the closeness. "We need to get back downstairs."
The blonde was somber even with the ready forgiveness from her Keeper. They returned to the kitchen and soft music from someone's phone was playing. Henry had put the lasagna in to bake and Paige had started a salad. Emma sat on her stool watching all of them while Regina opened a bottle of wine, pouring three glasses and a separate one of milk, handing it to the child with reassuring hand to a shoulder. Henry tried to set the table, but Emma took the silverware from him eagerly looking for a way to help. A good home cooked meal, like always drew the girl out of her shell and she chatted happily to everyone as plates were scraped clean. Emma cleared her place and everyone else's; the need to move at that point tickled her feet.
A game of Monopoly was suggested and in teams they played; Henry and Emma against Regina and Paige. Teasing, gentle banter ensued and Emma was reminded of their time in Boston during the spell. The game went on into the night and a final roll by a little hand won Park Place from the opposing team.
"We WON!" Emma high fived Henry and bounced in circles around the coffee table of the living room where they all sat. "That'll be…" Mentally counting and then looking at Henry.
"$1,200 dollars." Laughing at his young mother dance like the hyper six year old she currently was.
"$1,200 SMACKEROOS!" A hand shot out, catching the fake money from Paige and kissing it. "We're rich Henry!"
"Filthy rich!" He agreed and threw the rest of their money into the air.
They all erupted as the girl dropped to the floor to roll in it, her giggling magic for all of them.
"Well, I'm beat." Henry caught his Mom looking at the clock and noted the time.
"Awwww, stay up with me kid." Emma turned over on her stomach; a fake $100 bill clung with static to her hair.
Regina began to clean up the game, playfully tickling Emma so the child rolled off the pile of money. "I think we are all turning in sweet one."
Little hands helped at that statement, and they made quick work of putting the game away. "I wanna show them my room Mama." Emma waited until the game was away in the closet off the kitchen and leaned into her Keeper's hip, enjoying the way that hand rested on top of her head.
"You may quickly before your bath."
Emma didn't need to be told twice, she dragged the young couple upstairs and introduced them formally to Jasper and showed off her treasured space. They both indulged her, asking questions and enjoying her descriptive renditions of the adventures she'd had in her other life. The Queen came to get the girl ten minutes later, catching the end of the story about the time she had walked across a bed of Legos accidentally when Emma jumped out from the closet to scare her.
"Her face was as red Granny's when Ruby wears that thigh high—"
The brunette interjected. "Alright, time to get ready for bed. Say good night Emma."
"Good night Emma." Parroting with a mischievous grin, she hugged the couple and went to the door.
Regina shooed the child across the hall, pausing to catch Henry's eye. "Let me know if you two need anything. It is supposed to snow tonight, you know where the extra blankets are."
"We'll be fine Mom. Good night." He kissed her cheek and walked hand in hand to his old room with his wife.
In the bathroom Emma started to disrobe, although slowly as the Queen returned, starting the water for a bath. "Toys and bubbles?"
"Not tonight baby. It's very late and we have to do your hair as it is."
Pouting, but complacent Emma stepped into the shallow bath and readily took the soapy sponge offered and ran it over her limbs. Two bottles of shampoo were held up a few minutes later and she automatically pointed to the green one. "Why do you always do that?"
Regina poured a quarter sized amount into a palm and began to work it through damp curls. "Do what?"
"I choose the same melon one almost every time, but you always have me pick." She leaned into those fingers, enjoying the scalp massage before the sprayer was brought down.
"I like giving you choices when I can. Tilt your head back for me."
"How come though?" Emma closed her eyes as the suds were rinsed and matching melon conditioner followed.
"You never had a lot of choices when you were this age or thirteen and it is important to me to offer you opportunities, even over small things, to have them. Sometimes I will make some choices for you that you do not like, but may need or are best for you, and I never do that lightly." Thinking back to her promise with Gold and the spell she was currently crafting. After a second rinse of curls she beckoned the child to stand up. Emma went quiet when lifted out, dried and wrapped up in the swan towel. She began a braid and gently questioned. "Why so quiet all of a sudden?"
"I… I'm just thinking about what you said and thank you. I don't always say it or know when you do that stuff, but it doesn't mean I don't appreciate it when you do." She ducked her chin, looking at her toes as thoughts about their earlier discussion of memories returned when she was turned around by the shoulders.
"Give me your eyes please… You could have chosen anyone in the world to give that gift of trust to and you chose me." Searching green as her eyes filled. "I will always do my best to do right by you, to love you as you deserve to be loved and be worthy of that gift."
Feet and arms sprung forward, launching into the comfort and strength of warm arms open to her. Emma didn't have words just then, but she knew the heart pressed against hers didn't need them; spirits of belief, love, and hope a quiet trinity. Carried to her room and dressed for bed, sleep came quickly after she was tucked in. Their song sung her ear to the path of dreams.
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Hours later the girl bolted upright from a nightmare tugging her guilt ridden mind apart. Flashes of her Keeper's tears fell in her mind against sharp words. Ones that were meant to remain private cut the sinew that bound them together. Emma slipped from her bed, Stitchy in arms and traveled down the hall to the master suite seeking comfort, peeking into the dark room through the crack in the door. She heard the sound of crying before she saw the shaking silhouette huddled on the lounger across the room near the empty fireplace, Queen framed in moonlight. The hall was cold, but the room more so as she stepped in.
"Mama?"
Regina turned abruptly at the unsure murmur. Wiping both eyes quickly, she flicked her wrist towards the fireplace turning on the gas burner to bring light and heat to the room. Suddenly the chill she'd allowed to take over caused a violent shiver.
Weary. "I'm here baby. Did you have a bad dream?"
"Uh-huh. Are you okay?" Emma hurried over as her Keeper pocketed something.
Hesitating, but honest. "No, I'm not, but it has nothing to do with you, sweet girl."
Assuring that worried face and opening her arms as a warm little body snuggled into her chest. Each was content to soak in the presence of the other. They watched the moon quietly for a several minutes, winter's white tears falling softly outside amid the patches of sky allowing stars to wink through.
"In the Enchanted Forest I used to try and count the stars at night. Sometimes I was able to sneak out to the stables and we'd sit together under the sky. He knew all the stories behind the stars by heart."
Emma stilled at that rare insight, understanding then just who 'he' was and it hit her what day it was; three years since the first step of the spell had been completed. Three years, if she counted the time spent in a spelled reality, of heart suffering for the beating one against her back.
"Do you want to talk about your dream, sweet one?" Shaking curls answered and the Queen rested her lips against a head in quiet understanding, having an idea of what had brought the child to her room so late. "I'm sorry if I was too firm with you earlier. I know your heart was in the right place."
"You weren't and you had a right to be upset." Fingers brushed the pocket of a grey robe. "Can I see? Please?"
Dark eyes blurred, but retrieved the small golden band from the silky depths, holding it in her palm for little eyes to take in. Emma kept her hands to herself, simply looking at the metal circle that seemed to bring comfort from a time long ago.
"It's a ring?"
"More of a saddle ring or link for a bridle."
"I'm sorry Gina, for more than just what I said to Henry. I forgot what day it was."
"I didn't realize it either until Henry said anything and that is a good thing." Returning the ring to her pocket and wrapping arms back around her little swan.
"How?" Brows knit in confusion.
Regina cleared her throat. "It means I'm healing."
"But you were crying."
"I was. Then you came in and reminded me that I am not alone."
"Being alone sucks." Eloquent as ever, Emma looked up as she felt soft laughter rippling from the belly at her back. "You won't ever be alone again Mama. We're a team."
"We are. Will you stay with me tonight and keep me company?" Regina asked for both of them.
"Yeah, but you gotta share the covers this time." Green eyes teased.
"Speak for yourself." Her girl was a cover hog.
"Last one in bed hasta use the spare blanket."
Emma jumped down from the lounger and dove under the duvet rolling to cocoon in the feather down just as the Queen caught up and rolled in from the other side. They nested into each other for the night, the fire low in the hearth easing the chill from the edges of their minds.
Brown eyes watched her little girl sleep, thoughtful at how far they'd come from their spitfire roots over a decade ago. Had someone told her back then that in ten years she'd be curled up with a blonde heart that had taken over hers she wouldn't have believed it possible. Being home again forced her to look at the span of her life with a new lens. Her past was gone and here Emma breathed beside her.
Regina loosened her fist from where she clutched the ring through the fabric and drew it out of her pocket. Uncurling from the blanket slowly as not to disturb the girl she went over to the vanity, opening the bottom drawer of her jewelry box. With the ring nestled inside among her casual pieces and not in the hidden depths of her lock box, she began to let go of a piece of her past. Turning away after closing the drawer, she returned to her present and future resting there in that bed.
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A/N - Thanks for reading and reviewing!
Next time - Christmas day with the charming couple. Regina and Snow talk about memories past. Gifts a plenty and a significant promise is made.
