First off I would like to apologize for how long it has taken me to update…I could give you all a million excuses, but the truth is lately I've struggled getting into Edward's head. He's just not talking to me.
I beg you all have patience with me…I will still strive to meet my every two weeks updating schedule, but if it doesn't happen just understand that I am trying.
Also good news for everyone reading my fic's…I have a blog!
I have put up all chapters thus far, for this and all my stories…along with pics to complement each chapter. Run over and take a peak, get teasers and news on all my upcoming projects.
Reyes139(dot)blogspot(dot)com
As always twilight isn't mine…we all know this!
Chapter 12
Songs for chapter...
Lifehouse- Broken
Switchfoot- Learning to Breathe
Edwards POV…
Goldenboy.
Leader.
Role model.
Perfect...
Names used when describing someone that transcends the norm. Above average. These names have been associated with my persona, at one point or another...yet none describe who I truly am.
Deep down I feel as though I were a monster…someone that hurts and destroys those who get in his path to ultimate happiness. At least the happiness I believed to be true…
Instead, I've found myself living in utter misery, because I lost you.
These words follow me everywhere I go and make living normally close to impossible. It's not easy living up to everyone's expectations, nor is it easy to please. I have lived my entire life keeping her pleased and satisfied with my actions…until now.
You were the one person in this world that accepted me as I was…you never deserved my wrath.
But did that stop me from crushing you? No.
Did I have to be so blatantly cruel with you in those woods behind your house?
No, not at all...but I was.
Four years ago I had it all. I was captain of the basketball team, school president, had excellent grades and a sick car to call my own. But most importantly, I had you...until I became my own worst enemy.
I destroyed everything that was good in me, the moment I turned on you…us.
Losing you was always my greatest fear; I had hoped that being who your parents were would be enough.
Unfortunately for you and me, it wasn't and I became all that I loathed...a heartless asshole.
A person who only looked at his needs, wants, and desires...I only thought of me...and me alone in our relationship.
I took, took, and took...never giving anything in return.
Never once did I consider what you needed...what mattered to you.
But I guess that's what led me here...huh?
Standing in front of a window, looking out towards the city, and wishing I had done everything differently.
Wishing it was you that beared my name.
Your soft and warm body going to sleep and waking up in my arms.
That I had you…just you.
Four years prior...
I was days away from graduating and moving on.
Excited beyond belief to leave this podunk town behind and finally take what was always meant to be mine. I was destined for greatness. To have everyone look up to me as untouchable, perfection, above them in every single way.
People trusted and treated me as if I were a local celebrity. Never questioning my words and always praising, even if glorifying me at the moment wasn't needed.
It is a bit sad that I have to get rid of Bella before I go, but according to my mother and peers, she won't fit in with where I'm headed.
She's too below my economic standings…doesn't mix with the wealthier society I will be engaging and socializing with.
My father had already taken care of college by guaranteeing my spot in medical school.
Sure, I had to do my four years of college at the University of Miami, but I had my acceptance and position secured and waiting for me.
It's nice to have a father in this line of work and with the pull he has in this business.
I guess you could say being a Cullen opens doors which, for others, would be closed. Being the intelligent, respectful and cunningly charming son of Dr. Carlisle Cullen guarantees you success.
My mother...the kind and loving soul that she is, supports my every decision and covers for me, when needed.
Much to my siblings dismay, she adores me and treats me as her golden child...the one that could and would do no wrong.
Alice is a true daddy's girl so she never gives me too much shit, but Emmett; he is a whole other story.
He hates the fact that I got the car I wanted and begged for at sixteen, while he had to wait until he was eighteen.
When pranks and schemes went wrong...and usually they did, he always carried the blame and punishment.
I got away with murder and got rewarded while he got grounded and had things constantly taken away.
Phones.
Cars.
Money...
At one point or another, I'm sure he lost all three at once.
The end of the school year was filled with parties, booze, parties, booze and more booze.
You name it…we had it.
I spent my final days saying goodbye to the graduating class and its female anatomy. I never slept with any of them, but a blow job here or there never hurt anyone.
I for one never touched any of them.
Bella…my sweet and innocent Bella, I ignored. She was always looking for a way to see me…spend time with me, but I wasn't interested.
My mind had been made up.
I was leaving her here and moving on to all the wonderful bunnies that littered the beaches of South Florida. Would I miss her? Sure, but our run was done. We had our fun and it was time to cut our losses short.
Maybe I'm cruel in the fact that I feel this way, but I'm young, rich, good looking and have killer sex hair…according to all the skanks that whore up the halls of Naples High.
I deserved the crème de la crème…not the generics that every store has stocked on their shelves.
Packing and getting my living situation settled was a breeze.
My mother had encouraged my father to seek employment closer to where I would be studying…in hopes of keeping her family close.
I had an apartment close to school that I would be sharing with Emmett. This year he would be moving out of the dorms and into my new, fully furnished home.
He was ecstatic to have us close.
Seems the big dork missed us and needed someone to cook and clean up after him. Something my mother would be providing in the gifting of a maid.
Maria came with great recommendations from our new neighbors from across the street. Mr. and Mrs. Hale, who were the owners of a chain of popular upscale diners along the eastern seaboard, gave her high praises and sealed her new employment within my family.
She would be taking care of my apartment on Mondays and Fridays…while she would work and live with my parents the remaining time.
No one in town noticed our moving and donating of items we no longer desired to keep. We transferred very little into our new abodes, preferring to start a new life with everything being the same…new.
Graduation day was chaotic in these gloomy halls. The day had been long and tiring, with a mixture of elation at being a step closer to my goals.
I was set aside from the rest of my peers. The principle had informed me earlier in the week that I would be receiving a special recognition before being handed my diploma.
The speech was meant to motivate and quite frankly light a fire under my ass.
I felt it down to my bones.
"Congratulations son," he began and smiled at me like a proud father would, "I'm so proud of you boy. You will make all of Naples proud, as you go off to the University Of Miami, School Of Medicine. We have such high hopes to have a world renowned surgeon amongst our own. You, my boy, have the world at your feet and the full support of this town. Don't let anything stand in your way, because you deserve so much more than this small town has to offer, dream big my boy, dream big."
The auditorium erupted in applause meant to worship me; while normally I would find this enjoyable…now it meant shit.
A switch had been flipped inside me after his speech.
The words 'dream big' replaying in my head over and over again.
Suddenly everyone around me became filthy and not worthy of being on the bottom of my shoe.
I deserved better than they would ever offer and I wasn't staying behind to find out.
The rest of the ceremony flew by in a blur.
More menial speeches were delivered and the rest of the population received those useless rolled up papers they gave away in this tedious ceremony.
My once friends came towards me extending hands and trying to do that one arm man hug, but I refused to even acknowledge these assholes.
My sights were set on my little Bella and making her hurt.
She was the one person in my way.
I saw that now…my mother was right, she would never fit in where I was headed. I wouldn't let myself be trapped by this insignificant little girl.
She wasn't enough and would never be.
That night, my parents took us all out to dinner at the only place in town worth entering. You stayed by my side the entire night, but I ignored your every move.
After a while you got tired of my blatant disregard and annoyance with you and did us all a favor and remained quiet.
The drive to your house was no different.
I repelled every advance or caress you insisted on giving.
No kissing as I dropped you off…only a promise to be here early the next day to talk.
That night my mother came to my room late at night and told me how proud of me she was. I was doing the right thing in letting you go.
You would either trap me here or ruin and embarrass me over there.
There was no in-between and I understood it. Deep down I wasn't happy, but it had to be done. I questioned and talked to my mother till the wee morning hours. Even though I had been an ass the evening prior…I had hope we could still be.
But mother was right.
There should be no more us and I would make sure this happened…now.
Heading towards your house, I debate which route to take. I was so harsh in my actions last night. Maybe, just maybe, I should explain this to you in a more humane way.
That thought flies right out the window as you descend the stairs in my shirt. My chest constricts and my eyes see red.
Why are you trying to hurt me this way?
Are you trying to make me feel remorse over what I'm about to do?
Or is this about causing a wedge between my mother and me, because it won't work…none of it will.
"Let's go, Isabella, I don't have all day and this won't take long, that I promise." I grit through my teeth and try to not call attention towards the obvious distaste I have for you.
Turning my back on you I head towards the small wooded area behind your house. I could tell you were having difficulty matching my long strides, but I didn't care. You were no longer my problem and I refused to protect you any longer…from others or yourself.
You tripped over air once again, and I had had enough…my glare was murderous and venom poured from my lips. "For fuck's sake Bella watch where the hell you're going, I don't have all day to deal with your incompetence."
I could see the tears building behind your lids.
A pang hit me in my chest because deep down I did love you, but my anger dominated the rest of me. I could not and would not pity you…that would be a demonstration of weakness…something I was not.
"Oh please, spare me the tears sweetheart, you're a big girl and need to grow a back bone. Not every one is going to coddle your ass; I sure as hell refuse to." I couldn't help the hate slipping past my lips.
"What's going on Edward? You've never been so mean or full of disregard towards me. What have I done to garner such a treatment from you? Why?" Your timid voice made my resolve almost falter. You were weak, in pain and killing me slowly.
"You silly little girl," I tsked at you, as if you were a child. "Be honest, Bella, and tell me, you never saw this coming from me? For months I've been trying to push your ass away and just like the little leech you are, you tried to clutch onto me tighter." I stood stoic and said every single word looking straight into those bottomless pits of chocolate. I couldn't hide my contempt nor was I trying too.
I had to wrap this up and now. You were playing mind games on me…trying to make me feel sorry for you.
"Fuck! Even when I fucked Angela two months ago, you just took it in stride and refused to believe the rumors."
Your mouth hung open for a moment, before your hand connected with my cheek.
"You fuckin' mean to tell me all that shit was true? What… how… I mean, we were always together. When the hell did you have time to fuck her?" you yelled in my face as your own indignation showed.
My response brought you down to your knees, even though it wasn't true…not entirely.
"Oh, that's simple Bella; I fucked her on your birthday."
A sob erupted from your chest, choking you as you remembered that night. I told you that I was busy with my family and couldn't make it. My father had a very important colleague coming from Miami just to meet me and talk about the course and programs the University offered.
Like the good little girlfriend, you never questioned my whereabouts. You were loving, devoted, and looking to sink your claws into me.
My friends all wanted you, yet you showed interest in none but me.
"Why Edward, just answer me the why?" you pled through sobs, while clutching your chest as if you couldn't breathe.
You were a good actress…I'll give you that.
"Because I can't stand to look at you anymore, really, it's that simple. Listen Bella, this was all really fun while it lasted, but I need more. I need better pussy. Wow I thought that would be hard to explain, I guess really it's not," I spat at you. I had never been so angry or careless towards anyone before.
I stood before you as a new man…your Edward died and wasn't coming back.
I knew your heart was breaking, but so was mine. I couldn't, nor would I, give up my future for a silly little girl who was my first love.
"You're just not enough for me, anymore! I dream of the big city and lots of beautiful women to warm my big king size bed every night. I'm leaving to spread my wings, Bella. To receive all the world has to offer me, and you, well… you're just a poor, plain and insignificant little mouse that doesn't fit into my agenda. I need a woman that I will be proud to show off at all the parties, get-togethers and dinners I attend with colleagues..." I shrugged my shoulders casually as if I were explaining the weather.
You were in shock.
You never moved or attempted to defend yourself from the attacks I made against you. Taking my abuse. Not one response…you were just there.
"Sorry sweetheart, but you just don't fit in my world anymore. So I might as well let you go back to your miserable existence now, while I move on to bigger and better."
Your face finally registered my words and an extreme sign of pain dominated your features. Tears freely flowed, stabbing at me, but I couldn't relent…I had done so much and said so much, I was killing you slowly and with no mercy.
You never once looked me in the eyes and I thank God for that. I was determined to see this through no matter what and I doubt seeing the anger and disinterest I had in you would help.
Seeing you on the ground and having what I'm sure was a small panic attack, brought me some weird comedic relief. You were free to feel what I couldn't and that wasn't fair. The only thing I could do at this point was laugh at the irony of it all.
I loved you, but you couldn't be what I needed or deserved.
"As much as I find your sad excuse of a show amusing Bella, get real and get it together, because I won't be here to take you back home. I'm leaving to go to Miami now. My family is heading down with me and looking for a place to live down there, too." I turned to walk away, but decided to leave you with a few parting words first.
"Alice told me to tell you goodbye and that she will be back to spend some time with you before the final move. But I'm sure once she settles in and has made better friends, you'll be nothing more than a distant memory. Goodbye, Bella, hopefully someone from this town will take pity on you and put up with you're mediocrity."
"Oh and one last thing babe," I called over my shoulders in a condescending tone.
"Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead."
And then I was gone with a single tear rolling down my cheek.
Hope to have the next out to you all soon and if you're in the mood for something lighter, fun and sexy…run over and read my new drabble…
I Think I'm Gonna Marry You
I think I loved you before you were even born. As children we played house, as teens you were my first crush and as adults, I live for you. Now to only convince you that, you belong to me...with me. Romance/Fluff and some naughtiness in between. Rated M
Now leave me some sugar!
