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Disclaimer: This story will have very harsh at points. There will be heart wrenching moments… I warn you now. You may hate a character or two but I promise no matter how bad it gets … there will be an HEA…. I believe everyone deserves a second chance and so this will be a journey of growth, humility, and finding the simple joys in life… the things that truly matter.

I need to thank my team… Stephanie, Kyla, Rachel, Bev, and Cheryl. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I couldn't do this without all the love and helpful, encouraging words you always have for me… I truly love you all!

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Twilight isn't mine, you know this … I know this… soooo moving on

Chapter 13

Edward's POV

Songs for chapter

Linkin Park- New Divide

Red Suit Apparatus- Your Guardian Angel

Present time….

That day, I truly became the monster my siblings always saw behind the good boy act. I knew that each word was causing you distress and pain, but I was consumed with so many emotions running rampant within. I lost focus of what was actually happening and took things too far.

Could I have gone back and begged for forgiveness? Yes, I could have, but what would that have fixed; nothing…nothing at all, that's what it would have done.

Especially if, at the end of the day, I still had to walk away from you.

I remember running towards my car and throwing myself behind the wheel. My eyes were wet and my breathing was harsh. I had to pull over and let my anger…my anguish out, before I had to go home and face her.

I knew the moment I stepped foot in that house, she would be all over me, wanting to know every detail of our enchanting demise.

She would say something along the lines of…

She's beneath you…us… my boy.

If she truly loved you…she would have just let you go without all the dramatics and waterworks.

Her kind doesn't belong in our world.

The radio taunts me in the one moment I have allowed myself to mourn our love. Our song comes on and my chest constricts. Do you remember the song I sang to you after we made love for the first time?

Cause I do.

Your Guardian Angel plays in the background of my empty car and I die a little inside.

When I see your smile

Tears roll down my face I can't replace

And now that I'm strong I have figured out

How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul

And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one

I will never let you fall (let you fall)

I'll stand up with you forever

I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)

Even if saving you sends me to heaven

I was such a fool to believe that we would last…that our difference in social standings didn't matter…that I could be your one…and you be mine.

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.

Seasons are changing

And waves are crashing

And stars are falling all for us

Days grow longer and nights grow shorter

I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall (let you fall)

I'll stand up with you forever

I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)

Even if saving you sends me to heaven

I love you, but hate you so much at the same time.

I love you for your kind heart and warm smile…never asking for anything and gaining everything at the same time.

I hate you for making me see the flaws within me and mine. For making me despise the woman who gave me life. The one that now opens my eyes and shows me what the world is truly like.

It was very late in the evening when I made it home, barely making it through the door…before her fangs sunk in and her venom spread. She couldn't contain her glee at your pain as I relived it all. Her attack was lethal and unforgiving…taking no prisoners and not mincing words.

Blaming you for the state in which I had arrived and the hateful words I spat at her.

I was right about the way she tore you apart with every syllable escaping her lips.

She never cared…I see that now… years later.

My siblings were surprisingly supportive…even Alice, as furious as she may have been, tried to comfort me. She was appalled by my carelessness yet still wrapped me in her tiny arms…saying it would be okay.

That night, after having to rehash the pain and suffering we both barely survived, I went to bed without saying another word to Esme.

I had nothing pleasant to say and her unloving nature was seriously wearing on my nerves.

The following morning I set out before the rest of the family awoke. I remember driving past your house and longing to climb up your window…to just hold you one more time.

But I couldn't do that to you or myself.

No. I needed to be stronger than this and before I could repent on my earlier sins, I hit the gas pedal and sped off.

The drive down to Miami was less than two hours at the rate in which I was driving. The openness of the road helped my cause and kept me focused as I sped through each toll.

The expressway had very few cars and everyone seemed to steer clear of me and my Volvo as we flew down the road. I was lucky at the lack of State Patrols that morning, because if I had been caught, I was sure to have been arrested.

Not only was I a bit reckless, but the open bottle of Jack I had as a passenger would have been enough to land me behind bars.

I ignored every call as I drove. The only person I contacted before turning the device off was Emmett. He was aware of the position I was put in and understood. Don't get me wrong, he loved Bella...they all did except her.

He just wasn't going to judge me for it.

According to him, I would learn my lesson and he would be there to pick me up. No more, no less, that was all he had to say.

Arriving in town around ten in the morning, I went straight to our new apartment and met with my brother. For the first time in five years he hugged me and promised to help me out.

It felt nice to have his support after all the shit storms I had caused him over the years. He had made us breakfast…or better yet, bought us some grub. Not eating the night before and having a stomach full of liquor had me devouring the Mc Muffins before me.

It was still early and with nothing else to do except learn the new town and discover the warm beaches, we headed back out. We were close to Sunset Blvd and a lot of shopping, dining and snobby rich people.

Exactly what Esme would find suitable.

So we hit a few shops and explored a bit of the UM campus…bought some things for the apartment and watched a couple of cute bimbos sashay it for us.

It hurt to flirt and accept their numbers, but what else was there for me to do? I just had to accept what my life was now, without you, and live it.

And that's how the first year away from you and your love went for me…

Numbers.

Flirting.

Hook-ups and meaningless sex…

I wasn't proud nor was I rejoicing in what I had become, but the truth was as plain to see. There were many times in which I had the keys in my hands and my heart open for you to see. But the shame I wore and the stringed puppet I became always stopped me…even if at the moment in time I wasn't aware of how deep her claws were sunk in, subconsciously I knew.

My parents did go back after being down here a year. They had some belongings left in the old house and were in need of selling what was left. According to Alice, Renee, being the caring and loving soul she was, invited everyone over for dinner and drinks.

Esme and Carlisle accepted and graciously showed up with a bottle of wine and the intent on investigating how you were. My father, the idiot, just wanted to make sure you were okay and living, while my mother wanted to rub my success in school and women in your face.

I was upset at first as she gushed about your lack of appetite and social interaction, making you out to be a bitter harpy and rude.

Alice, the poor caring fool she was, hit you where it hurt without knowing. I was aware of her budding friendship with the blonde beauty that had Emmett in a craze. I never told her about my last words to you or the way I claimed your friendship meant shit to her.

Of course hearing and seeing with your own eyes what had become reality hurt you and in turn you lashed out. Alice was devastated at being shunned out and losing her best friend. In her eyes…you, Rose and she would be BFF's and move in together after high school. Little did she know that I had destroyed that foundation with my prediction and she dealt the final blow, by acting nonchalant about her new closeness to Rose.

I was furious at Bella for my sister's pain and began to lose myself in the arms of even more women and booze. My grades and popularity never suffered, I was the center of attention no matter where I went. Just like Esme wanted.

So there was never the need for the witch I call a mother, to step in and correct my behavior.

The second year I was without your presence was a bit better. While I still missed you and felt lost and disgusted with the role I played…it was better than the dark water I was drowning in before.

My relationship with Alice and Emmett flourished and became…normal. We ate dinner together, no matter what, on Sunday's and even hung out during the week. Around that time both my siblings met their other halves and fell into deep and endless love.

I had met a cool, laid back Texan in school and introduced him to Alice one night when he stopped by. One look and a wink was all it took for her to be head over heels in love. According to him she was exactly what he had waited for his entire life and the fact that he was filthy rich helped my mother welcome him with open arms.

Rose finally let her guard down and let Em sweep her off her feet. She was the center of his world and he let her know every second of every day.

It was sickening and sweet, but oh so hurtful to watch.

I once had that too.

I let it go and hated myself for it.

Alice reminded me of your graduation coming soon and I had plans to be there. Maybe I could talk to you and explain…beg you to forgive me and maybe work up a friendship for now. Who knew what the future held for me, but I hoped maybe, just maybe, it would be me and you again.

I drove up to the old high school and searched you out within the crowd, but you weren't there. In my hands I held roses for you…as white and pure as your soul.

I ran into James, an old friend of yours, and he confirmed you weren't here nor would you be in town much longer. He claimed you had found a new friend and warned me to stay away…that I wasn't good enough and only caused pain.

In his hands he carried an arrangement of black roses.

As black and dark as my heart felt at knowing that once again you were out of my reach…this time, by your own doing.

I expressed my condolences over Victoria's death and gave him my arrangement. She was a good kid and deserved something pretty to adorn her memorial at school.

He walked away and laid down the roses in the center of the yard where others had laid their respects and mourned her loss on what should have been a joyous occasion.

As the ceremony commenced, I was at a loss and angry. My plan should have gone differently…we were supposed to be embracing and loving the other. So with a heart full of pain and regret I marched back in and stole those black roses and addressed the blank card to you.

It was an asshole move and I see that now, but back then I was a mere boy trying to be a man; a man that, at that moment, felt the loss of you all over again and wanted you to feel the same.

No one was home when I arrived. I snuck in through that window in your room that was never locked and laid my gift upon the bed. Everything in those four walls screamed you…

Memories assaulted my head.

You and I making love then laying side by side whispering about the love we shared.

Studying and stealing kisses while the others were nose deep in their books.

So much love…so much hope for a future together.

And now as I look around, all I see are boxes and bare walls…you are truly leaving me the same way I once left you.

I drove home after leaving that night and promised myself to never remember you again; to bury your memory deep within the recesses of my mind and finally move on.

On my third year I partied hard and lost control of who I was. My mind fought against your memory, wanting my freedom and rebelling on who I was supposed to be.

Esme saw this as a threat to her precious position in society and nipped that shit in the bud. Suddenly my evenings were filled with dinners and the meeting of socialites, all vapid and miniature women like my mother.

Of course she was thrilled and relayed to me the need to settle down and become a respectable and envied member of society.

That was the second time I had ever hated that woman and opened my eyes to her true colors. Her heart was black and her soul a never ending vortex of greed and envy.

Nothing was ever enough for her.

That was the year I met Jane Volturi and my life became a hell on earth.

The fourth year, and what brought me to where I am today…on my honeymoon, watching the Miami nightlife pass before my very eyes, was the day I saw you in Naples in the arms of another.

My mother and the bitch I call my wife filled my every waking moment with monotony and boredom. It was always this party this and that dinner that.

If I wasn't holed up in the library doing homework or in the lab, I was dressed as a clown and performing for all the rich and famous in this city.

Everyone asked when the wedding was and why was I waiting to put a diamond on Jane's finger. Didn't they see my hate or disgust for the vapid and venomous creature by my side?

No…no one saw, but you.

We were in town meeting with one of her daddy's associates for lunch and an evening on his yacht, when you caught my eye. Laughing, running, and joking with the idiot behind you.

He tossed you over his shoulder and you didn't complain once.

I all but pulled the bitch by my side into the shop and watched you for a moment before you turned around. Absolutely beautiful is what you were.

The man called your name and I whispered yours with all the love I could muster in that moment. You tensed and looked at me dead in the eye.

Everything disappeared.

I tried to relay my feelings for you with my eyes, but Jane's hand showing off that ugly ring her grandmother left her made your eyes tear. Did you really think I was getting married to her?

The color drained from your face and the ice cream fell.

The man pulled you back into his chest and I let out a pained growl at watching another touch what was mine. "Edward," escaped those plump lips and he leveled me with a stare filled with hatred and a promise of pain to come.

I watched silently as he led you out of that parlor and my life.

Bella had moved on and with a silent cry, so would I.

It was months later that I proposed and made the society page in the Miami Herald.

The wedding of the century, they dubbed it…what a crock.

We were married four years to the day of my break up in those woods with you. Poetic justice some would say, but I deserve it and so much more.

I truly hope that you're happy and fulfilled in every aspect of your life.

So here's to you, my beautiful and almost lover, Bella…may your life be filled with happiness and joy. May you someday find the man of your dreams and may he love you the way I couldn't. Hopefully in the future our paths will cross and we might be able to rekindle what my stupidity threw away.

'Til then I'll dream of you every night and that beautiful day when we meet again…

So there you have it kiddies…his recount of the last four years and what led him to where we are today…I hope I answered some of your questions and the why and how he ended up where he is.

The next update won't be ready for another a while, as I have other projects to wrap up. Don't fret…I will not be gone for too long. I will be moving us along a bit as we discover how she came to be a singer and what happens when they meet again…

Love you all…til next time!