A/N – Thank you for your reviews and PMs! Waves ahead in this chapter and a split memory flashback to the accident mentioned throughout the story.
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The black I-phone vibrated on the kitchen counter next to the stove for the second time in a ten minute period. Regina rolled her eyes at the name flashing across the screen and sighed. Snow had been blowing up Emma's phone all morning, forwarded now to hers for a short period, with texts. The teenage girl Emma was finally made an appearance a few minutes later. Regina eyed the clock, mentally calculating that Emma should have gotten about ten hours of sleep. Going to bed early was meant to be been beneficial for both of them and while she felt rested, she noted a tense and heavy look about the girl.
"Good morning sleeping beauty." Regina flipped the spinach omelet in the pan and accepted a sleepy kiss on her cheek.
"I never liked that Disney princess." The blonde rubbed her eyes and snagged a piece of toast from a plate, shuffling over to her seat, munching as she went. A vibration caught her ear and she frowned when she saw her Keeper's hand clench and release. Emma knew that gesture; a fireball twitch. "So who do you want to roast this morning?"
"Snow is about to be slush. She has sent a plethora of texts this morning." Quick hands returned to cut the omelet in half, plating both. She set one in front of Emma, grabbed her coffee and sat in her place with the other.
"Awww. You had to ruin it with spinach." Even as she half whined, Emma picked up her fork, a small grin full of mischief.
"Only for you." A tease right back. "Did you sleep alright?"
Rolling eyes. "You sent me to bed when it was still light out." Emma shrugged apologetically when she caught the not so pleased look tossed her way at her tone. "Sorry. What did she say in the texts?" Deflecting to an easier topic, though not by much.
"I haven't checked those yet. I wanted to wait until you were up and if you are okay with me reading them." Regina explained, taking a bite of eggs.
"If she's been at it all morning then something is eating at her and you don't have to ask me M—Gina." Emma blushed and ducked her head. "I was a brat yesterday and I kinda lost my right to privacy."
"No, you lost your screens, not your right to privacy and you were not a brat. Would you like me to check to see what she wants?" At the nod she scrolled through the text feed. It took a few minutes to read through all the messages between bites of food. "She wants to meet with you this weekend to tell you something very important. She emphasizes just you if you are comfortable with that idea."
"Well I'm not right now, so no." Emma lowered her fork as her brain caught up with her mouth. "Wait… You don't think she… She wants to tell me about the baby? Is it New Years Eve already?"
"She might." Regina nodded, sipping her coffee. "And, yes it is."
Pinched frown. "In our other life they made such a big show about telling everyone the news. I expected her to do the same here."
"I may have hinted that might not be best for you when she was helping me in the kitchen on Christmas."
Emma's face softened and she leaned into the Queen's shoulder. "What would I do without you?"
"Probably stay up half the night watching mind numbing movies and rotting your teeth on sugar." Said with great affection and a side kiss to temple.
"That sounds right, but seriously… Thanks. I don't think I could have handled another public show like last time." Emma chewed on her cheek as she sat back. "Will you please text that I am off my phone for the weekend and that I will catch up with her on Monday?"
Regina nodded and quickly sent a reply.
"We are gonna go to Granny's tonight for the potluck, right?"
A head tilted in question. "We had discussed not going, last week, remember?"
Emma rolled her eyes, indeed remembering that chat, but now not liking it in her current state. "I'm sure you remember it that way." Mumbling, now cranky. "I wanna go, though, especially if Snow's not gonna air her bedroom secrets with the whole town." She pulled a particularly large spinach leaf out of her eggs with her fingers and a grimace to set aside on the plate, scowling when she caught her Keeper's eye.
"Please do not pick at your food."
"Not trying to. This green gunk is in the way of the cheese and eggs."
A patient brow rose. "I'm sure." The brunette turned in her seat to better see green eyes. "I thought we could have a quiet night in, play a few games, and order a pizza."
The blonde shrugged, secretly loving the idea, but a part of her wanted the social experience of the holiday. "I really wanna go out. It's New Years Eve M—Ginnnaa." The affection wanted to come again as it had yesterday and remembering why she wasn't letting it out, she shut down further.
Mouth firm at her stretched nickname when something else clearly wanted to be said. "Have you forgotten our talk from yesterday so soon?
A huff accompanied with a whine. "It's a hoolidaaay though."
"Holiday or not you are grounded dear heart." Regina began to wonder if she should have nipped this attitude in the bud yesterday. "Part of that involves going to bed by 8:30. You need the rest, after this week and yesterday. We both do." Concern spoke for the dark circles rimming meadow eyes.
A balled fist rubbed against a thigh and Emma groaned. "I told you I slept last night." She flipped her hair back, resting her elbows on the counter, cheeks in hands. "Can we go 'til like 8:29 and then come home?"
Regina sighed catching the lift in tenor at the end of that first statement indicating a veiled truth and set down her mug. The girl was tugging their first three rules apart at the seams little by little. While that was not sitting well with her, she was still figuring out the intricacies of the teenage girl running in circles with scissors in front of her. It had been far easier to figure out how Emma's six year old brain worked and with time, the adult version. This one was a spinning cyclone and she needed to get ahead of now before it blew away with both of them.
"No Emma." Firm in their previously set plans. "That is not a choice today."
After Emma had specifically said she didn't want to go the Queen had made other arrangements to better suit the blonde's temperament. After the events of yesterday and their talk she was resolute in making sure they had the time the girl had been requesting to spend together mixed with some rest for both of them.
"Can we at least watch a movie then?" Changing her mood on a dime.
"Not this weekend."
"Then tell Snow I'll meet with her." Pushing her plate away, Emma slouched in thought. 'At least I'll get out of the house that way.'
"Deflecting does not work with me Emma and certainly not when accompanied with whining. Meeting with Snow is not one of your choices today either, especially when you are upset and already said you did not wish to."
A rash thought propelled through a blonde head. She hesitated on it, knowing if she was caught it would not go well for her, but stubbornness won out. "Will you at least text her one thing for me… Please?" Adding courtesy in a last ditch effort to possibly get her way.
In answer Regina picked up her phone, brow raised in wait. She didn't want to be the one to hinder any willing communication Emma wanted to have with Snow, that relationship was at a delicate stage, grounding or not. But she would put her foot down in exposing Emma to anymore emotional conversations the girl was clearly not ready to have while this age.
She spelled out her message. "Cya2nt me crib 5." Watching the Queen's face scrunch in confusion. For as brilliant as Regina was she knew nothing when it came to slang or SMS abbreviations and had refused to learn, finding it quote 'archaic'. Right now Emma was going to use that to her advantage.
"What does that mean?" Squinting over the butchered English.
"It's short for when I'll meet her next time so she can tell me about the baby." She licked her lips, a very twisted version of the truth, but still the truth she rationalized.
If Snow came knocking she might be able to sway the conversation after hearing about the baby to going out with puppy eyes and Snow bugging Regina, it just might work. No harm, no foul she figured. Craving distraction from her spinning thoughts and jumbled emotions, maybe then the voice in her head would shut up for a while.
Maybe.
"Does crib mean baby then?" Confused over why Emma would give any hint to Snow about already knowing about the baby. They had purposefully chosen not reveal that tidbit about their alternate life to allow the woman her right to share such personal news.
Emma took a huge bite of eggs, complete with spinach to avoid answering verbally, but shook her head no. She swallowed, a pout returning and flashed moody eyes to her Keeper.
Regina softened forgetting the phone in the girl's upset and reached to turn Emma's stool her way. "I hear that you are unhappy about not going to the potluck and about your grounding." She lifted a dimpled chin. "Regardless, we can still have a wonderful weekend. A good part of that depends on your attitude."
Tangled curls shook pulling away. "I can't help it M—Gina."
There it was again, or rather not. "For some things that is true. Though, the attitude and tone you are exhibiting right now are entirely controllable sweet girl."
The Queen was empathetic to a point, but knew enough about what her girl could and could not control to call that bluff. It was becoming apparent that thirteen was a very sassy year for Emma and one that held something else that the teen wasn't saying, but that she suspected had to do with the lack of her title from a pink mouth. Emma used it interchangeably with her nickname whenever small and that wasn't the concern. It was the lack of it at all that indicated something much deeper and she wondered if Emma was aware of it. Before she could ask the teen shut her out completely.
Tears brimmed and Emma crossed her arms. "Can I be excused? I want to go to my room."
"Are you sure you don't want to talk more about why you are upset? I think there is more to what you are feeling than you are saying or perhaps not saying." She prompted gently, hoping Emma would open up.
"Noooo." Then adding. "Thank you." With a scowl.
Regina sighed, the morning not going as she'd wanted. "Clear your place then."
The stool screeched on tile as the girl pushed back. "Can I draw or am I grounded from that too?"
"You may, of course." Debating whether to ignore the temper bordering that unneeded question or not, as hurt pricked her eyes. She would never take that coping mechanism away and Emma knew it. Catching a shoulder in decision and reminding. "I would never forbid you a productive way to sort through your feelings." Searching green to give light to her brief hurt and when she had it, added. "There are a few things I'd like your help with later. I'll come get you in an hour so we may start on them." With a squeeze she let Emma go.
Dishes made it to the sink and feet upstairs. Breakfast was cleared away after that and the Queen left the dishes to soak before going to her Study. If Emma was going to sulk, she would spend that time thinking about what had been said and unsaid between now and the chores needing done later. In the quiet of solitude in her space mind drifted. The girl's words and attitude ate at her. This behavior wasn't Emma, not at all. It belonged to a past without support, healthy coping mechanisms, or a family.
She traveled through the shop incident yesterday minute by minute then moved to their conversation after, reflecting on the girl's words, moving her mind next to this morning. Hot and cold in both speech and body language had been the vibe of both discussions. A sigh came next along with more confirmation; some kind of self destructive spiral was happening inside that blonde head and that would not end well if Emma got too far into it.
Regina lifted her head up from her hands and pushed away from the desk, mentally preparing to be patient for the day to come. When Emma got like this it was difficult to pull her out without some kind of re-balancing to their dynamic. Time and patience sometimes got her back on track. Other times tough love like the shock of a cold shower snapped her out of it. The Queen had a feeling it would be a combination of both due to Emma's current temperament and size. Though she sincerely hoped that was not the case. The last time something like this had happened, complete disregard for their rules and system of checks and balances they had between them, Emma became lost inside a whirling mind of damaging voices and nearly lost something greater. Glancing at the clock; a half hour left. Regina hoped Emma was using some of this time to think as well.
Upstairs in the lavender room Emma swirled charcoals in a spiral on a blank page, slow and light at first, then faster and darker. She didn't want to feel this way. Guilt thick like tar coated her tongue and throat over how she had acted this morning, words and those lacking between them and all while the voice inside her brain grew, pulling her deeper into the abyss like it had before. Fighting against the grain of it was exhausting and so she drowned in it. Closing eyes to a memory she wished she could forget when the dark voice in head had rode her too hard one day. As flashes ricocheted between temples, Emma sank into that murky night…
::::::: Flashback… about 2 years ago before the Do Over Spell ::::::::::
"Cinnamon."
Emma had finally said their safe word and it tore her in half after she had. The word spat from her lips in an abusing fashion when she'd been called to task. They'd been doing this dance, their dance for a year now and lately she'd begun to corkscrew into a depression, as she often did, around the holiday season.
Regina knew that, had been more than patient of her back talk, pushing, and stubborn comments. Stress relief had been offered and she'd pushed that idea away early in the week. Too stubborn to let go of the depreciating words in her head when she thought she richly deserved them. When a relief session was broached again a few days later, she'd still turned it down and rode the dark horse that pounded harsh words in her head.
Obstinate and alarmingly so.
One evening she'd pushed too much and the Queen had called in their agreements, rules she had been ripping apart that week, and called Emma to knee. Standing in front of Regina and being asked why she was there made her pause. She didn't want to admit her faults, yet she knew she needed to so desperately, wanted to feel better, to let go... The dark horse neighed, hoofs treading thoughts. Emma hadn't wanted a reminder. She'd wanted a drink, to run, and hide and instead of allowing herself the reset she needed to come off that horse, she pulled the one card that was sure to get her way. Not because she needed to, or because something was wrong or she wanted to, but simply because she could.
She could handle herself, dark horse rider Emma Swan, could handle herself.
Now she sat in the Rabbit Hole fingering the single shot of responsibility she had yet to take and sulking in the stew of her actions. She'd run after the word, right out of the Study, to her car and bolted like she always did when things did not go her way. After three hours of staring at the drink she threw it back, burning as it went down her throat. It didn't use to, but tonight it did.
She felt terrible, sick over what she'd done and how she'd left that room, the Queen calling her name. They'd agreed on what that word meant, when it would be used and why. Regina only asked that she not abuse it, use when it wasn't something that needed using. That was the trust between them and in one stubborn moment Emma slashed it in half. The promise to cease immediately upon use had been honored as Emma knew it would be and she froze in the reality of what she'd done.
Then she ran.
Phone buzzing snapped her chin left, eyes settling on a text from the Queen. Hesitant fingers entered a code and her brows furrowed at the message, an opening to connect after the hours of silence between them. She stared at the screen trying to process and then jumped when it rang. Automatically she answered that ring tone and Regina's loving concern flooded her ear and ended with a hesitant question. Brain numb with emotion, not with drink and horse breathing heavy down her neck she didn't hesitate answering with the only word she could grasp.
"Yes."
She'd needed brown eyes, the forgiveness of them, the arms, the kiss… Their ritual. Choking on all the other words possible, she ended the call. Fishing her keys out of her pocket after slapping a five on the bar, boots traveled to the bug.
Coming to the rescue was something Emma did well and after today she wanted to feel good again; needed that validation one way or another. She'd run once more and Regina had opened the door to let her back in. The Queen was at the vault, working on their spell and needed a ride home when she was too exhausted to poof. Their coping mechanisms when they were both upset were different. While she ran, hid, and stewed, the Queen worked; cleaned, organized, and crafted.
Regina, as always, was happy to see her when the bug rolled up to the cemetery. Emma could hear it in the voice that greeted when green eyes couldn't rise to meet brown in the reality of the moment; dark horse spooked. The second the passenger door closed she moved the bug forward. It seemed to become clear to the Queen after ten seconds of conversational fragments where she had run too and what she may have been doing. Too late now, that the yellow beetle was crawling down the road pulled by the runaway steed. A soft plea from a red mouth to stop the car caused her boot to begin moving to brake and pale hands turned a wheel to the right.
Boot missed, but the tree didn't and she was thrown from the horse, hoofs landing on her chest...
:::::::: Present Day Storybrooke ::::::::
A light knock on an open door had green eyes jerk up from the sketch pad of memory; both paper and iris' held shadows weighted with the past and unrest.
"How is your drawing coming along?" Regina leaned against the door jamb just outside of the room in wonder of the spooked look on her girl's face.
"Fine. What do you want?" Emma sat up, closing the cover.
A dark eyebrow arched. "I want to check in with you. May I come in?"
"Sure." A halfhearted gesture followed and Emma sat up cross legged on her bed as the Queen approached.
"Are you feeling alright?" Regina frowned when a chin nodded once sharply, but green eyes said something else entirely. "I'm worried about you baby."
"Don't be. I'm fine." Emma pulled away from the hand that cupped her cheek. She didn't deserve that affection. "Are we done?"
"Talking? Yes for now." Deciding to shift gears and get fidgeting hands focused on something physical, but within close proximity. More space was not what her girl needed right now. "Get dressed in something comfortable and please meet me downstairs." She turned to leave, expecting feet to soon follow.
They did heavy and stomping five minutes later.
Emma glared at the bucket of cleaning supplies on the floor at the base of the stairs and then up at her Keeper. "Cleaning? We have magic for a reason."
"We do, but not today. Grab the dust spray and cloth. We will start with the living room and then the foyer. I'll lift and move and you spray and wipe." She pulled her short hair into a low ponytail at the base of her neck; several strands sprung free framing her face and gestured to the bucket.
The blonde shifted from foot to foot, expecting more than that from her comment. She puzzled as hands obeyed, surprising herself with the detail she was putting into the chore, knowing how particular Regina could be. They were both quiet as they worked. Taking their time, but being thorough they finished both rooms in about forty-five minutes. The Queen then moved to sweeping and gestured to the swiffer with a nod for Emma to follow after through the down stairs. Thirty minutes later had them both side by side in the kitchen at the double sink as regal hands washed the dishes and pale ones dried.
Purposeful in each chore she set them to do, every task designed to reinforce teamwork as well as her lead and Emma's follow in their relationship. The blonde seemed to relax a little more with each one and by the time the last dish was dry Emma leaned into her shoulder.
Regina dried her hands on a cloth handed to her and decided to test the teenager's willingness to talk. "Thank you for your help."
One shoulder popped up then down. "Welcome. Are we done yet?" Asked without tone.
"There a few more things to do, but we can take a break. Have a seat."
Emma obeyed taking her usual perch on the stool by the counter, attitude from earlier missing as she gave weary eyes to her Keeper.
"I noticed how tired you seemed this morning and the deflection that surfaces when your mind is sitting heavily on something." Hands poured them both sparkling water from the fridge adding a splash of OJ to one and handed it to the girl.
Knuckles rubbed the sides of the cool cup. "I told you I slept."
"Not well." Regina was matter of fact as she leaned on the counter, bringing her gaze level with green.
Another shrug.
"Use your words please."
"No, not good." Emma took a sip, bubbles dancing on her tongue the way her stomach began to. "That doesn't mean something's wrong." A push.
"With you, dear heart, it usually does." She sipped her drink, eyeing the girl. Sure Emma was hiding something that needed to come to the surface. "Did you have a bad dream?"
Cheeks flushed. "I wanna go upstairs." Anxious, palms began to sweat.
The moment Emma said yes it would all come spilling out and she did not want to relive those feelings or confirm her fears. What was the Queen's hard line? Where was the end of the circle called Regina that she spun in? And if she somehow found the line and crossed, would or could Regina pull her back in fold? And if yesterday in the shop and the night of the accident weren't it, what was? It was the ultimate question that defined the fundamental nature of what they were and one Emma suddenly needed an answer to, but she didn't know how to ask.
"Baby, please look at me. Was that why you did not sleep well?"
Uncertainty led to angry static staring at the counter. No answer.
"Emma?"
Drowning in mind again, she finally threw hard eyes at her Keeper. Thoughts spewed before her heart could catch up and nerves ripped words through lip blades. "SHUT UP!" Slapping hands on the counter, glasses rattled. "Quit asking me shi—stuff and leave me ALONE!" Pushing hard and fast as her chest beat against lungs of self sabotage. "Just STOP trying!" A pause. Within the moment of silence an internal voice added. 'I'm sorry… I don't deserve it, or you.'
Brows rose and Regina leaned back as if slapped. "Excuse me young lady?" Hurt then something else framed her mouth as green tried rearing back from the edge, begging for help.
Arms crossed a cramped stomach. Eyes too full and paling with one final shove off the deep end. "You heard me."
Silence.
Then calm within the blonde storm. "I did Emma. Far more than you are saying and have not been saying all day." Regina stepped out from behind the counter and turned the teen's stool to face her, hands braced on either side of the seat, eyes level. "And I am going to help you adjust your thinking by taking back control as I promised you I would instead of talking or sending you to reflect, or to your room or taking you across my lap because clearly you are overly exhausted and far too upset." Shifting between sparking green eyes. "And those two things are clouding your better judgment than to even consider speaking to me as you just did."
"Am not tired or upset." Stubborn and thick, but quieter words as she began calming under redirection.
"That is quite enough Emma Swan Mills." Regina leaned back and held out her hand.
Emma winced and stood quickly to take the offered palm. She trailed the Queen upstairs to the master suite and pulled back slightly as they neared the bed. Royal fingers snapping had her jeans and sweatshirt replaced with PJs from this morning as the duvet was turned down. A hand found her mid back guiding to the warmth, a whine escaped.
"I'm too old for a naaaaap."
"You are not too old, for a few things as I will be more than happy to remind you of when you wake, if you continue to speak to me with that tone." The Queen patted the sheets, brow raised in wait, grateful that Emma only delayed a moment before heeding words. She drew the covers up and sat on the side. "We will finish our talk when you wake up." Confirming that the deflecting tactics were done and resolution would be attained one way or another.
"I won't sleep." Emma automatically turned on her side to better breathe in the comforting scent from her Keeper's pillow. Tension left as she was cradled in vanilla apples.
"Hush now." Regina ran her thumb across a pale brow, seeing that sleep was not far off. She stayed, repeating the soothing motion until the girl drifted off knowing bad dreams would not find Emma in her bed.
Brushing fingers softly down a cheek, she studied that brow, tense even now in sleep. With green quiet in rest she allowed mind to wander again. Remembering the price almost paid when Emma had run too far one night. Quickly her hand found the girl's heartbeat in gentle comfort as she was swept into the past…
:::::::: Flashback… about 2 years ago before the Do Over Spell ::::::::
"Please pull over." Soft plea.
"Gina I'm so sor—"
Words stolen by the tree between them.
Breaking wood had been the quick part. The rest seeped like sap tears down the trunk.
Glass shattered and air bags deployed between lifetimes. Red lights flashed and a man shouted. Regina's skull hurt. Something warm dripped down her face into eyes and she rolled head left. The Savior was still, blonde hair covering face.
"Em-ma?" Time stood still.
Nothing.
She forced herself from the car, stumbling. Ground cracking as the pavement slammed into her knees.
"Reginaa!" Slow.
"Daaavviiid?" Even slower… Eyes moved up as his feet neared… He swam in sticky red. "Emmaaa."
And then Emma was there. But not.
Regina blinked. Awareness of the present slapped. Awake, time began moving as it should. "EMMA!"
David cradled his daughter, tapping what should be a pale cheek, blood covered his hands as he knelt in front of the Queen. He put his fingers to a neck and face to a mouth. "She's not breathing!"
He froze.
Regina didn't.
"Lay her flat!" Hands found a quick rhythm over a still heart and she breathed life force into pink lips. Over and over again.
Nothing.
Pump. Pump. Pump. Breathe.
Too much of nothing.
Regina continued pumping, adding a spark of magic under palm. "You don't get to run away. Not from me." Pumping harder. "Come back to me!" More breath. Another sparked pump. "Emma!"
A gasp of something. Lungs filled with sweet air. Coughing.
And green opened finding brown.
Time blurred.
Spinning to the hospital, the ambulance lights screamed. Pain throbbed. Troubled voices met and parted ways over a stretcher. Foreign hands prodded and poked. Faceless Doctors came and went. Gauze, syringes, medication, and IVs, too.
Finally there was only beeping, a steady pattern of life and one royal eyes watched wave up and down on a heart monitor for hours. Snow came and went and came again as did David, Henry, Paige and Neal and so many others that night. Regina refused to move from the corner of the recovery suite the Savior was in where she held vigil.
Emma was awake and talking, well even, despite the sudden cardiac arrest from the airbag hitting at just the right moment, stuck dead between beats of a heart. Blood from a cut, but not concussion along a blonde hairline had been the cause of the red river over a pale face. Regina too had been lucky with only a few scrapes and bruises. The beloved yellow bug was even recoverable according to the towing company. Lucky everyone had said. So damn lucky.
And they were.
But Emma had yet to hear a word from her gnawed lips. Regina had lost them. Her eyes said what she didn't want to and for that she broke when green bent under them. Alone the next morning finally, when Snow and David stepped out for coffee the tears came. Then more from green across the room. They met in the middle of the next beep. Emma was suddenly wrapped in her arms that wouldn't let go and together they cried.
"I h-have a problem Gina and not just with drinking... A big p-problem…"
"Shhhhhh." Kissing and squeezing. "We will work through it, talk about all of it, but not right now."
Emma stayed in the hospital for a few days, tests showing no lasting damage that a few weeks wouldn't heal with some magic to boost it along. Once released, the Savior went to the mansion with her, much to questioning Charming eyes. They didn't talk about that night for two weeks, promising to do so once the Doctor cleared Emma and they could each gather their thoughts.
The morning of the scheduled discussion dawned pensive, but promising. Regina poofed them home from Whale's office after Emma's final appointment, more of a formality and testament to the Savior's perfect health under her care. Still she had needed to hear so with her own ears. Emma had been quiet during, allowing red lips to ask the questions a blonde head was thinking. Later, in the privacy of the mansion, on the white chaise they sat hand in hand and knee to knee, words flowed between them.
Regina offered assurance and squeezed a sweaty hand. "The rules we set together and the consequences we agree on won't work if you completely blow them off or miss use our safe word to get out a consequence for no other reason than being stubborn or just because you can. That is not what it is there for. We talked about that, agreed to it together and I will always respect its use, even when misused. You knew that."
"I did and I ran because it was easier than facing what I did. I won't misuse it again." Knee bouncing. "You were completely in the right to call me out on my bullshit that afternoon and I'm so sorry I let my stubbornness get out of hand." Licking lips. "That voice was eating at me Gina in the worst way that day and in the days before. It's not an excuse and I'm not trying to use it as one, but it wouldn't shut up."
"Misuse was bound to happen at some point, it's in your nature to be stubborn especially when you need something you don't want, though I still do not like what it nearly cost us after the fact." Her fingers lifted a chin. "Your emotions did not get a reset and that led you run and to hide, to drink, as it usually does. One shot is too much to be driving after. You have never even considered doing that before. Why that night?" Teeth cut the inside of her cheek, hot copper filled her mouth.
Emma chewed a bottom lip. "You were too tired to poof home at the vault and I wanted to come get you. I needed your eyes, your forgiveness and I couldn't get my words out. I wanted to save the day too, after I was such an ass. I rushed in, didn't think."
There was much more unsaid between words and lips pursed. "Our first rule, say it for me now."
"Safety first and then communicate."
A nod. "Why do we have that rule?"
Emma winced. "My hero complex and because I can't always say what I feel, but I felt awful about earlier that day and I needed to see you and I couldn't explain it to you on the phone..."
"That is why I put communicate second to safety because I know how hard explaining your thinking can be at times or your feelings. I can almost always tell what you are feeling by your eyes, Emma." Forcing back her scolding tone with a deep breath. "If you could not tell me on the phone, you could have walked, called a cab, a friend, even skyped or poofed to me or taken a picture to text so I could see your eyes and help you find your words." Tears welled. "Instead, you chose to get in a 1000 pound machine and drive impaired... You almost died, Emma."
Stomach sounded in throat. "But you called me and after what I did…" Words fell away.
Wiping spilled salt. "I called you instead of anyone else because I know you didn't want anyone getting wind of the spell we are doing or why I was spending so much time at the vault. I was hesitant to even ask you to come get me because I thought you might have gone drinking. I never thought you would get in a vehicle after doing such. You never have before and swore to me you never would or I would have yanked you from the bug so fast that night your head would still be spinning." A shudder. "But when you said yes on the phone and showed up in the bug I didn't realize you had until it was too late."
"I'm sorry Gina. That's not enough." Voice breaking. "I need help."
"You do and it cannot just come from me, no matter how much you may need that to be the case. We need help on this one." Heart pinching when that face crumbled. "Professional help, Emma. I know you don't like the idea, but you almost lost your life and our son… Our son almost lost one of his mothers." Bile rising at the hard truth needing said. "It could have been both and I refuse to allow that to happen."
"I'll go see Archie and I promise I'll never have another sip of alcohol again." Eager and heartfelt.
"It is more than the alcohol Emma and that promise, sincere as it is, is not one you can make right now." Pulling her girl into arms. "We will get you there, but that will take time and it will not be an easy road. There will be slips and I will be there to help you stand up again when you have them. I promise." Knowing the thought running under curls as her eyes welled. "Alcohol is but a small factor that influenced the accident, but it is not the root cause. Why you pushed too much, why that voice drove you to run, and why you got behind the wheel to begin with are the questions we need to dig into."
In order to release the pain they had to acknowledge the source, like breathing underwater, unnatural until the gills had all along started working.
Emma nodded as crying took over for both of them. Pale fingers called Archie an hour later setting an appointment the next day. That evening they talked once more, regrouping with a meal and a long rest. It was then that her girl found the beginnings of absolution as the roots of what they were to each other became redefined. Together and whole again on that same chaise under a firm hand, the sting of a wooden spoon, and brown eyes holding a lingering promise.
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A/N – Whew! Thoughts?
Next Time – Resolution from demons. Emma accepts what she's been denying and healing comes full circle for both of them.
