A/N: I just can't seem to get these chapters to be shorter. Oh well! So hell yeah over a hundred follows...whoo hoo! Anyway...this is when the story gets all sweet. It starts out a little rough, but hang in there, it's precious at the end. The next couple chapters are going to be mostly funny and a lot of sweet before the shit storm starts all over again. So I've spoiled you guys with a lot of back to back updates, but this will be the last chapter for a little bit...I've got some personal stuff coming up this next week and it's the holiday and all. I'm trying to get my Memorial Day drink on...shout out to the service people out there...we all appreciate you guys. Also this chapter flip flops again starting with Jane's POV and switching to Maura's POV in the middle. Let me know if it's too hard to follow and I'll stop. Anyway keep reviewing...I try and give you guys what you want as much as possible. Remember I'm writing this for you so...let me know what you think. All that being said...here we go!
Jane
"I need to speak with you now Michelle, right now! I expect to see you here in less than five minutes," Maura raged into the phone.
Maura was mad, like...good LORD she was mad. I'd barely gotten a word in since she ran that poor bell boy out of her apartment. I'd been so shocked I didn't even know what the hell to think. I thought everything was fine, I thought Maura was happy, I thought I was happy and now out of no where Maura had turned back into that crazed raging maniac. I'd been so shocked by Maura's temperament that I still couldn't find any words to say to her.
Maura was pacing around the apartment trembling and muttering to herself. I don't know who the hell she had been talking to on the phone but as soon as that bell boy boogied his ass out of here Maura had snatched up a phone and made that angry call. Whoever was on the other end of the line was probably pissing themselves right now. Maura hadn't spoken a word to me yet, she didn't even look at me. I was standing as far away from her as I could get without actually leaving the huge wide open living room. I wanted to go to her, I wanted to take her hand and sit her down and make her explain to me just why the hell she was so upset. But as angry as Maura was, I didn't want to be anywhere near her. She looked like a bomb ready to explode all over anyone who got to close...I had a terrible feeling I was still to close and I was standing on the far side of the room.
"Oh Jesus," I thought to myself as I watched Maura's furious form storm around in her rage.
Maura was wearing a light white sun dress that exposed a very healthy amount of her beautiful breast and cute little sneakers that made her look like a tennis player or something. Her beautiful blond hair was damp and hung loosely down her shoulders. I could see more of her legs than I could when she was wearing her cocktail dress earlier. Her thighs I could see were just as formed and shapely as her calves. I suddenly thought of how much it would hurt if she kicked me in her rage.
Even though Maura was so angry, God she was still so sexy. I couldn't stop thinking about those moments when I happened upon her naked form undressing in her bedroom. I was rushing to find her and exclaim over something in the apartment, I don't even remember what it was. As soon as my eyes fell on Maura's body the breath in my lungs and the speech in my mouth were lost. My mind exploded with thoughts and visions and dreams. I couldn't move, or speak, or even think clearly. I could think of nothing beyond the beauty of the body in front of me. Every muscle in Maura's body was toned and rippled beneath the slight tan of her flawless skin. When she turned around my eyes had gotten stuck on her breast. I don't know what happened I just couldn't seem to get my eyes to look at anything else. She was just soo...Oh good LORD! I knew I must have looked like some eleven year old school boy staring at a dirty magazine he found under his father's bed. But I just couldn't help it. I think Jesus himself would have stared stupidly at Maura's perky titts. Maura was just...God she was blessed!
When Maura finally called my name when she realized I was staring at her I had jumped so hard I thought my head would hit the top of the door frame. I never even bothered to look at Maura's eyes after that. I had been so embarrassed I couldn't stand it. I know Maura saw me gaping at her like some kind of freak. What the hell was wrong with me?
Maura had been so kind to me, more kind that anyone had been to me since my family passed, and I repaid her by acting like a fucking pervert. I would have still been ashamed of that but Maura...God Maura had gotten all weird when she brushed up against me handing me her cordless phone. Her arm moved around my waist slowly and I know I felt her push her body and her breast against me much more than was necessary. My whole body had shuddered. I thought I felt her face nuzzle in my hair a little bit. My whole body broke out into goose bumps. I couldn't help it, I had been on fire...on fire! I even felt something going on between my legs that made me squeak. I had run from Maura like a bat out of hell. I didn't know what else to do! My palms were sweaty and my underwear was wet and my mind was raging with images of Maura's unbelievable sexy ass and breast and legs and stomach and hips and thighs and lips and GOD!
I had been so flustered I had to walk around the apartment five times to try and get some of the adrenaline out of my system and calm my frazzled nerves. The apartment was fucking huge so that was a lot of damned walking. At one point I had to open the refrigerator and stick my head inside for a moment to cool myself off. I could feel my face burning with embarrassment, or maybe it was lust. I couldn't tell, I didn't know what the fuck to think.
I'd never, ever felt this way about a woman before. I'd never, EVER felt this way about anybody before. I'd had plenty of sex in my life, like plenty. I'd had enough orgasms to know I loved sex. But Jesus Christ. Not once had anything in the past felt as good as I felt looking at Maura's body from her bedroom doorway. If I didn't think it would be to weird I'd have stuck some ice down my pants and between my legs to cool off everything that was going on down there. I closed my eyes against the blast of the cool air of the refrigerator and sighed heavily. I had to get my mind to think of other things.
I pressed 0 on Maura's phone and wasn't surprised when someone answered on the second ring.
"Hotel Belle concierge service, how may I help you?" the pleasant voice of a young female sounded on the line.
"Ummm, yeah...I need a bell boy at Eagle One to take a lunch order please," I said.
I couldn't believe I said that. I couldn't believe I was in the position to say that.
"I need a bell boy at Eagle One to take a lunch order?" Really?
That's a sentence I never thought I'd speak a day in my life...like...not ever. Who was I ordering a bell boy service from the private ridiculous top floor apartment of one of the finest hotels in the freaking city of New York. This was crazy...two nights ago I at a bologna sandwich with no cheese or condiments and a bowl of Raman noodles cause that's all the fuck I could afford. Now I was being serviced hand and foot, and the one footing the bill was the sexiest, kindest, most selfless person I'd ever met in my life. Did I mention the sexiest?
I closed the refrigerator door and sighed heavily. I still needed more distraction. I walked around the apartment a couple more times before taking a seat on the largest softest leather sectional I'd ever seen or sat in. The leather sighed and molded around my body when I sat cradling me its comfortable embrace. I stared up at the ridiculous TV over the beautiful gas fire-place and sighed. I couldn't believe I was here. I couldn't believe I would be living here for a little while. I still felt uncomfortable about it, but I didn't have time to dwell on all that when images of Maura's body and the feeling of her breast against my back were parading through my mind.
I pulled out my phone and flipped to the photo gallery. I was more than pleased to see the face of my daughter pop up. The first picture was from her first birthday party. She was so cute digging both her hands into the tiny cheap little cake I bought her from the grocery store. I'd cried because I couldn't afford anything nice for Angela. I wanted to throw her a huge birthday party, I'd wanted her to have everything she ever desired. She was my little princess after all. But I'd barely been able to afford the cake and had to get some second-hand toys from Good Will. I cried all night before the day of Angela's first birthday, but when Angela saw her cake she had squealed and giggled and clapped her hands like it was the best thing in the world. I teared up watching Angela shove cake in her mouth with her hands, that was the picture I was looking at now.
I giggled a little bit to myself. I missed my baby already. I knew she was safe, and I knew she was ok...but still I couldn't stop thinking of her all hooked up to those awful machines and her tiny body isolated in that incubation chamber. At least she was alive though right? I had no one to thank for that other than the woman whose naked body still wouldn't stop running through my head. I decided to flip through more pictures on my phone. They were all of my daughter. There was nothing in my life more important than her.
I heard the ding of the elevator and got up and moved down the hallway and around the corner to find a very young-looking man all dress up in a pressed red jacket, black pants, shiny black shoes, and a ridiculous red cap on his head.
"Hello Ma'am, I'm Tyler, I'm here to take your lunch order." He said bowing to me slightly.
I stuttered for a moment. Maura was still in the shower and I didn't know what she wanted. I didn't know what the hell I wanted either and I certainly wasn't going to order before her. I needed to talk to her first, I'd rather she did the ordering anyway...I was fine with her taking the lead. This was her world and not mine. I didn't know the rules, I didn't know if I was supposed to tip this guy or what. I didn't know what this hotel served for lunch or whatever. I decided to just wait.
"Ummm, just come on in. I'm waiting for my friend to get out the shower, she'll do all the ordering," I said motioning for the bell hop to follow me.
I didn't want to leave him alone in the entryway, even though it was huge and beautiful. Somehow it didn't seem right to leave him standing around all on his own waiting on me and Maura to make up our minds.
The bell boy smiled and followed me down the long hall and back into the living room.
"Have a seat why don't ya," I said sitting back on the couch myself.
The boy faltered for a moment, he seemed unsure of himself. He looked like me last night sitting in the bar. I smiled sympathetically at him.
"Don't worry...I don't bite," I said motioning for him to sit down.
He smiled slightly and sat.
I started looking through my phone again; seeing pictures of my daughter was making me feel so much better. I kept smiling more and more at each picture I flipped to.
"Are you playing a game?" the bell boy asked.
"No!" I laughed, "I'm looking at pictures of my daughter would you like to see?" I asked politely.
"Sure," the boy said.
I smiled, I scooted close to him and showed him the picture I was looking at. He laughed and said she was beautiful. My heart melted. My baby really was beautiful, but it was nice to hear someone else say it. I flipped through dozens of pictures of Angela on my phone, we laughed and giggled at each one. I told him a background story behind each picture and he listened patiently and commented on each one. My heart soared seeing images of my baby healthy and happy. I loved her so much, she was...she was everything to me.
I forgot about everything else looking at Angela's pretty face. I never felt the bell boys hand reach around my back, I never heard Maura get out the shower, I never noticed her enter the living room, I never saw her furious face. I wish I had noticed all those things because...because good grief...it felt like the sky was fucking falling.
"Maura! What's wrong?" I finally found the voice to ask from the far side of the living room.
I was panicking. What had I done to infuriate this woman to such an extent? My heart was beating so fast I thought it might thump right out of my chest. I was scared as hell watching Maura grumble to herself and storm around like a tornado up and down the hallway.
Maura rounded on me. Her eyes had that crazy fire in them again. I thought she was going to scream at me but I heard the elevator ding at that very moment.
I heard the click of high heels on the marble floors of the entryway.
"Dr. Isles?" a nervous female voice called out. The apartment was so large the voice actually echoed through the apartment.
"In here Michelle," Maura called back. Maura's voice was laced with fury.
An expertly dressed woman walked into the living room. She was wearing a crisp clean black pants suit. Her hair was pulled back in a tight bun, she looked very professional and was quite pretty for an older woman.
"I want that bell boy fired today...RIGHT NOW!" Maura shot at the woman as soon as she walked into the room.
Michelle stopped short mid-step. She seemed floored and taken aback by the power of Maura's temper.
"Tyler?" the woman asked timidly.
Her eyes were wide with shock and worry. I think she realized she had walked into a shit storm of Maura's fury.
"Whatever the fuck his name is I want him out today!" Maura screamed.
Her eyes were bulging and bright and wild. She looked hysterical. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Maura couldn't do that, she couldn't fire a boy for nothing. He hadn't done anything wrong...I didn't even know what the hell was going on. This was freaking crazy.
"Wait...you can't do that...he didn't do anything wrong!" I finally spoke up.
I was terrified to challenge Maura's temper, but she was being so wild and unfair. Somebody had to stand up for that poor boy, I mean good grief...what the hell!
Maura rounded on me, she looked like she couldn't believe what I'd just said.
"Excuse me?" she hissed at me.
"You can't fire him...he didn't do anything wrong!" I pleaded Tyler's case.
I felt so bad for him. The poor guy was about to be a casualty of Maura's temper. What if he had children to feed? We were in a recession, it was hard enough to find a job and even worse to lose one over nothing.
"Are you telling me how to run my hotel?" Maura's voice was low and dangerous. The whole apartment had gone all chilly, chilly like Maura's voice. She settled her fire red eyes on me in such a way that my mouth dried out and my voice went all squeaky.
I was scared as hell but I couldn't back down now.
"NO! I'm just saying...what did he do?"
"What do you mean what did he do?" Maura asked me incredulously like she couldn't believe what she was hearing, like I was the one being crazy.
"He was sitting around in my house, getting comfortable on my couch, touching YOU! He shouldn't have had his hands on you unless it was to shake your hand...he was completely inappropriate and out of line. He is out today and that's final!" Maura stormed at me.
I was shocked. Is that what all this was about? Because the boy touched me? Good GOD!
"It's my fault...I asked him to come in here, I asked him to sit down and get comfortable. You can't fire him because I made a mistake," I pleaded
I was growing more and more desperate by the second. This whole situation was beyond me. I still didn't really understand why Maura was so angry. Maura stopped pacing long enough to glare at me furiously.
"Why would you do that, how could you be so stupid?" Maura spat at me with so much venom in her voice it hit me right in the chest like a cannon ball.
I was shocked, I was hurt, I was terrified. I felt tears pooling the back of my eyes, I grasped at the beating heart inside my chest. Maura's words had hurt me, right down into the center of me. I hung my head in shame. I knew I didn't belong here. I knew I should never have come here. I knew this could never work. I knew I was to low-class and too stupid to be in the top floor apartment of one of the nicest hotels in town.
I felt terrible and out of place all over again. I wanted to leave, I wanted to run, I wanted to fly right out of there but I couldn't move. The pain in my chest was to much. I wiped at the tears behind my eyes furiously with the back of my hand. I didn't want Maura to see me cry anymore. I didn't want to show her how weak I was and how much I knew she was right. I was stupid, I didn't belong here.
Maura noticed the change in my demeanor. A look of horrible guilt covered her face. She brought her hands up and started rubbing her temples closing her eyes tightly and shaking her head. I saw her take several deep breaths to try and control herself. She looked like she was in a world of pain.
Michelle's eyes were darting between Maura and me wide with bewilderment. She looked like she didn't know what the hell to think about what was going on in front of her. I didn't blame her, I didn't know what the hell was going on either. I just knew I'd made some kind of horrible mistake, infuriated Maura, and got some poor bell boy fired for an offense I didn't even realize I'd asked him to make. I felt so fucking stupid in that moment.
It was a moment before Maura calmed herself enough to speak.
"Michelle, could you wait for me in the kitchen," Maura asked with as much forced calm as she could muster.
Without a word Michelle turned and practically bolted from the room.
Maura looked up at me quivering in the corner. Her brows were furrowed and her eyes were sad. She looked grief-stricken.
"Jane...I'm so sorry sweetheart I didn't mean that...I didn't mean to call you stupid." she said softly.
I felt more tears behind my eyes. I wiped them away again quickly, I didn't want to break down again. I'd cry later when I got the hell out of here and back to my tiny little loft apartment with its leaky ceiling and rusty pipes where I belonged.
"I just want to go home," I said in a broken unsteady voice.
Maura looked twice as pained now. She rested her hands on the back of her beautiful couch leaning over and hanging her head.
"Jane...please I'm so sorry, I won't do that again...you didn't deserve that. I was wrong!" Maura said.
Her voice sounded tired and weary. It also sounded sincere and guilty. Still though, I was hurt...why would she say that if she didn't mean it or think it somewhere deep down inside of her?
"It's ok...I know I don't belong here...I just...I need to get back home." I almost pleaded.
I just wanted to get the hell outta there.
Maura looked up at me with her weary eyes. None of the fire and rage was showing in her face anymore. She looked...she looked so sad. Maura moved around the couch and over to me grabbing my hand lightly and pulling me toward the couch. I followed. I didn't know what else to do, I didn't want to make her angry again. Maura sat down and patted the seat next to her. I sat down timidly, I really just wanted to leave. We sat there for a few moments not speaking. I don't know what Maura was thinking, but I was thinking about how much I wanted to run away. I didn't belong there.
Finally Maura took my hand and pulled it into her lap interlocking our fingers.
"I am sorry Jane, I was wrong. I'll never do that again. I don't know what happened I just...I didn't like seeing one of my own employees touching you in my own house." She said quietly.
"But...he didn't mean anything by it...he was just...I shouldn't have asked him to sit. I was just making pleasant conversation. I was showing him pictures of Angela on my phone. I didn't mean to upset you...I didn't know I was doing something wrong. It was stupid I know...I'm so stupid," I said hanging my head heavily.
Maura's head shot over to me quickly. She released my hand and wrapped her fingers around my chin and turned my head to look at her.
"Don't say that...you're not stupid. I'm the one that's stupid right now, I'm stupid for being unfair to you. I know you don't realize how a bell boy is supposed to behave, I should have considered that before I got so angry and flew off the handle. I told you last night I...I don't share...I should have asked what was going on before I assumed the worst." Maura said tenderly her hazel eyes twinkling in her sincerity.
She rubbed her thumb over my cheek and smiled at me. She was so unbelievable beautiful. I wanted to fall into her. I wanted to believe she really didn't mean what she said to me so forcefully. I felt myself being pulled back into the vortex of Maura's overwhelming presence, but I couldn't just let something like that go. I had to know more...I had to know why. If for no other reason than to make damn sure I didn't make the same mistake again.
"What did you think was going on?" I asked curiously.
What the hell did she think was going on?
Maura's smile turned to more of a nervous grin. Her brow wrinkled a little. She closed her eyes and shook her head slightly as if wishing desperately she could forget all this ever happened.
"I...I don't know what I thought. A young man, touching you like he was. It just made me crazy. You're so...never mind," Maura tried to end her thought
"NO! Tell me...I deserve to know what made you call me stupid," I demanded.
I was growing angry now. I was starting to feel like I hadn't done anything wrong at all and it was Maura who had the problem and not me.
Maura sighed again and took my hand in hers as she had before.
"You're so...you're so vulnerable and beautiful and...I don't think you realize how amazing you really are. I, this might sound mean but I'm not saying it to hurt you but...I think you might be a little naïve sometimes." Maura said matter of factly.
I fixed her with my most loathsome frown.
"What the fuck!" I spat.
"I didn't mean it to hurt you it's just...I don't think you see yourself the way the rest of the world sees you. You're soooo beautiful and enchanting and funny. I don't think you realize how much you have to offer the world, and I don't think you realize what other people think and want from you. You might have just been having innocent fun with that bell boy, but I could tell by the way he wrapped his arm around you what he was truly thinking of you. I have to let him go Jane, I just have to," Maura said like she really had no other choice.
I sighed heavily. Why were Maura's compliments laced with so much insult behind them.
"You don't have to fire him Maura. I won't ask another bell boy to sit around the apartment with me. You can teach me, you can teach me what's proper and what's not. I'm a fast learner. But I'll never be unfair to anyone that works here. I need you to give that guy a pass this time." I said levelly.
I needed Maura to understand. I might just have been naïve, but that didn't mean someone else had to suffer for it.
Maura shook her head no, even if she did do so sadly.
"Jane...you might not have known what you were doing but Tyler did. He knew what he was doing was wrong. He sat down with you because you're beautiful and he wanted to be close to you. He wrapped his arm around you because he wanted to be inappropriately close to you. I can't allow that to happen. If he will do that here in this apartment on our couch, he'll do that to some other lady and God knows where that would end up. We could be sued for sexual harassment or anything. I demand that my employees conduct themselves professionally at all times and if they cannot do that, sweetheart they cannot work here. I don't trust Tyler anymore Jane, he has to go." Maura said squeezing my hand trying to reassure me that she wasn't angry with me anymore and that she was actually sad that she couldn't comply with my wishes.
I still felt terrible. I still felt like this was all my fault, no matter what Maura said.
"Can't you just...can't you give him another job or something...like washing dishes or...laundry service or anything else where he doesn't interact with hotel guest. I just don't think he's that bad of a guy that he needs to lose his job. It's so hard to find work, especially at a place like this. What if he has kids to feed?" I asked desperately.
I knew my eyes were pleading, begging, willing Maura to bend to me. I knew it might have been unfair of me to ask such a thing of her; she'd done so much for me already. But I needed this. I needed her to give Tyler another chance or I'd feel guilty about it forever. I'd never be able to feel comfortable in this apartment again if this didn't go my way. I need this to happen desperately.
Maura's face looked pained. She looked torn between what she wanted to do and my begging eyes. I knew she was thinking about it. I knew she felt guilty for calling me stupid. I knew already there was very little Maura wouldn't give me. I appreciated all the financial things she'd done for me, I appreciated all the strings she pulled for me, I appreciated how vehemently she defended me earlier. But all that aside...this meant more to me than anything. This would mean more than all the money, than the apartment, than the crazy dinner, than the slick ass lawyer. If Maura gave me this one thing...I would know she really cared for me and I wasn't just some purchased whore to her. I needed this one thing desperately or I'd never believe I wasn't just being bought and controlled like a puppet.
Maura studied me for a long time. She looked right into my eyes. She was...God she was so beautiful. I was thinking of her naked again. I couldn't stop myself from smiling out of no where when I thought of what was going on under that sexy little sun dress.
Maura's face cracked into a smile of its own. She seemed amused.
"Michelle...you can come back now!" Maura called out.
The rapid clip clop of heels of the hard wood floors brought Michelle's prim and proper body back into the living room. Maura never took her eyes off me as she spoke...
"...send Tyler home for the day Michelle. Impresses upon him the importance of maintaining professionalism while he is wearing his uniform at all times. Write him up, I want his offense on the record. Tell him...tell him one more strike and he's out!" Maura said never looking away from me.
She wasn't smiling anymore, she looked serious...serious as hell. It was kinda scary...if I was one of her employees I'd probably quake under that gaze. But since I was...well, since Maura was doing this for me...she just looked so fucking hot.
"Yes Ma'am of course! Anything else? Michelle asked
"One more thing...send a different bell boy up here, my Janie is still hungry!" Maura said smiling at me now.
My heart melted. I pulled Maura into a tight hug. She made me so fucking happy.
Maura
"Jane, you have to eat some veggies sweetheart...it's important!" I pleaded with Jane sitting in a bar stool at my kitchen counter with a grumpy look on her face.
Jane's pout looked like a child that had been told they couldn't have ice cream for breakfast. I would have laughed but I was so weary with the argument that I sort of just wanted to hang my head and give in to her protest. But I couldn't do that, Jane really did need the vegetables and I wanted Jane to be healthy.
Mike, Jane's private nurse from earlier, had told me all about Jane's malnutrition and vitamin deficiencies, and Jane was even a little bit underweight. I knew it was from a poor diet and from poor eating habits. I imagined Jane hadn't been doing much eating at all in the past. I intended to put a stop to that, Jane was mine now. I told her that I would take care of her and that didn't just mean giving her everything she wanted all the time. That meant I had to bite down and force her to do things I knew were best for her even if she didn't want to. But boy could that woman put up a fight. If she were a child I would have spanked her, but she wasn't a child...at least her age said so. By the way she was behaving though...good grief.
"I don't want too...I hate them...they're so gross!" Jane exclaimed schrunching up her face and folding her arms across her chest defiantly.
I sighed heavily leaning against the granite counter top across from Jane.
"God help me!" I thought to myself.
"Jane...the chef is excellent. He will prepare whatever vegetables you want and make them delicious I promise. But you have to start eating better. You're underweight, and malnourished. I need you to be healthy sweetheart, you're going to need your strength for everything to come. Don't you want Angela to have a healthy mother to come home too?" I asked.
Yes I did it. I played the low card, I hit below the belt, I gave her the sucker punch. I had to do something, I'd do anything to get Jane to stop pouting and eat like a big girl. I thought it would work but Jane only pouted harder.
"I'm not malnourished, you saw me eat last night." she whined.
I sighed.
"You ate like that because you were starving to death. And yes you are malnourished and underweight. The nurse told me so. Please Jane...just do this one thing for me ok!" I begged and pleaded.
Jane sighed heavily herself now.
"But they're so yucky! Jane grumbled
I rolled my eyes.
"I tell you what...do you like fish?" I asked
"Yeah," Jane perked up.
"Ok, how about I have the chef make you a nice ceviche and a bowl of New England clam chowder. Both of those dishes are very healthy and have vegetables cooked right in them. I'll have him make you a nice broiled Mahi Mahi fillet to go along with it. I promise it is superb." I said smiling at Jane's pouting face.
She really was adorable like this. I believe I was enjoying our playful banter more than I would have admitted out loud.
"If you're a good girl and eat all your food I'll have the bakery bring you up your choice of dessert!" I cooed at Jane like she was a little girl.
Jane giggled.
"Yummm...sweets!" Jane laughed.
I couldn't help the way I smiled at her then. She was so silly some times.
"Do we have a deal!" I asked cocking my head to the side and studying Jane's pretty face.
Jane grumbled some more. "I guess," she finally conceded.
I sighed in relief.
"Thank GOD!" I thought to myself.
Jane tore into her food with the same desperation as she had the night before. I smiled at her between my own mouthful of cobb salad and steamed salmon. I wouldn't call her out on how much I knew she was enjoying her meal. I knew she was starving, so was I for that matter. Neither of us had eaten in forever and this meal was just superb.
Jane chatted away happily about everything under the sun. Mostly about Angela, some about her brothers growing up, some about her mother, some about her training with the NYPD.
Jane didn't seem so sad anymore. She actually seemed kind of cheery sitting next to me at the huge dining table. I talked very little and listened with an open ear. I was enjoying this meal more than any other I'd ever had. I was just so happy in that moment watching Jane rip into her healthy food and smiling pleasantly between every mouthful she ate.
I thought of all the lonely nights I'd spent dining at this table alone wishing beyond hope that I had someone to dine with me. I thought about how cold and uninviting this apartment used to make me feel, despite the fact that it had the best of everything to offer that money could buy. I thought about how sad I used to be, how lonely and miserable. I thought about how quiet this apartment used to me. It certainly wasn't quiet any more, not with Jane's dynamic personality and excited disposition. I thought about how I wouldn't have to fall asleep with my tears soaking my pillow each and every night anymore. I thought about how often I would dream of having someone like the woman sitting next to me now.
I would surely dream of Jane tonight...how could I not. Jane was my dream...she was the living embodiment of everything my heart had desired for so long. I could not ask for more. Jane was my gift, I knew that. She was my gift and I had to take care of her and appreciate her and show her how much she meant to me. In less than twenty-four hours Jane had turned my life from one of loneliness and despair and self-doubt, to one of excitement and adventure and happiness. Even though half the time we'd spent together had been under the greatest of pressure and earth-shattering despair...somehow...somehow it all just seemed worth it in this moment.
I thought about how I had to leave for Boston early in the morning. I thought about returning to my cold lonely home there and having to eat by myself again. It made me sad, I didn't want to leave...I wanted to stay...I wanted to stay with my Jane. It shocked me realizing how much I would miss her, it felt like I had to leave the best part of me behind. That part belonged to Jane...I couldn't take it back...she owned it outright. But still, it hurt to know I would have to be without it for four long days. I never wanted to be without her again...but duty called. I had responsibilities. I was already going to be leaving the BPD in a bind, but they could handle it. They were professionals. I would come back here as soon as possible...I would come back to my Jane.
I didn't know how Jane felt about me leaving, we hadn't talked about it much since we left the hospital. I didn't have to wonder long because Jane brought it up.
"So...when are you coming back again?" Jane asked me curiously. Her big brown eyes were shining with wonder.
I smiled.
"Thursday," I said simply.
"But what time Thursday?" Jane urged, she seemed very unsatisfied with my answer.
"I'm not sure...sometime in the evening. My pilot will be on standby and have my jet ready to go. As soon as I leave work I'll head right to the hanger." I said casually.
Jane had stopped chewing mid-bite. She was staring at me like she couldn't believe what I was saying. I cocked my head at her wondering what was wrong...what was she thinking? Jane swallowed her food with a gulp.
"You have your own plane?" she exclaimed.
I giggled a little.
"I have two actually. One for work and one for play," I smiled at Jane's startled face.
"NO WAY!" Jane said flabbergasted.
She was just so cute. I reached over and cradled her face in my hand for a moment enjoying the childlike expression of amazement.
"Yes way," I cooed at Jane.
"Can you...can you take me for a ride sometime?" She asked me timidly.
I laughed.
"Of course...but on one condition," I said pointedly.
Jane's face fell. I could tell she was worried about what my one condition could be.
"What is it?" she asked warily.
"The first place we go is Boston." I stated plainly.
Jane cocked her head.
"Boston?" she asked softly.
"Yes...Boston!" I repeated.
"Why Boston?"
"I want you to make peace with what happened there. I want you to take Angela to your families graves and introduce them to her in your own way. I want you to be happy, I want you to move forward, I want you to believe that you can do that...that you have the strength to do that. I want you to accept that your families trajedy wasn't your fault and stop punishing yourself for what happened. I want...I just want you to be happy." I said cradling Jane's face in my hand again.
Jane made no moves to pull away from me. She just looked at me like she couldn't believe what I was saying.
"I-I-I haven't been there in five years," Jane said softly looking down at her plate sadly.
I felt for her, I really did. But I wasn't going to back down...not this time.
"Don't you think it's time?" I asked bluntly.
Jane didn't answer. She just kept staring down at her almost clean plate.
"Honey, I'm not forcing you...you can take all the time you need. But...I won't take you anywhere else on my Jets until you do this one thing for yourself. You have some time anyway. It will be at least six weeks before I feel comfortable with Angela traveling on a plane and away from her doctors." I said taking another bite of salad.
"I'll do it if you're with me the whole time," Jane said looking up at me with those pleading eyes again.
Then she looked back down at her plate, "I can't do it without you," She literally whispered.
I was touched, she was just so sweet.
"I'll be there every step of the way!" I said smiling at my Jane.
Jane looked up and gave me that beautiful smile again. She was just so precious.
"Look Maura...I ate all my food!" Jane exclaimed proudly when she had finished eating.
I giggled at her.
"See that wasn't so bad was it?" I teased.
Jane just grinned.
"Can I have dessert now?" She beamed at me.
"Of course," I said happily.
I loved the way Jane made me feel. She made me feel needed, wanted, desired, loved. Of all the things I'd done for Jane, of all the sacrifices I'd made, of all the strings I pulled...it was nothing...nothing compared to what Jane was doing for me. Jane was reinventing my entire life, Jane was washing away a lifetime of loneliness and heartache and showing me life in a whole new light. Jane had lit the fires of a part of me I didn't know was even there. She was making me feel things I didn't even know I could feel or would ever feel. Jane was filling my home and my heart with hope and joy and laughter. With Jane I didn't feel like a nervous wreck, I didn't feel like an invisible brainiac, I didn't feel like a lost soul. Jane made me feel complete, complete and alive. I wasn't just walking through life purposeless anymore...now I was actually living.
Jane yawned deeply and stretched when she had eaten half of her chocolate souflee.
"Are you sleepy sweetheart?" I asked.
"NO!" Jane lied.
I giggled. I knew she was lying. Her eye lids were heavy and she was slumping over a little at the table.
"You're lying," I poked at her.
I was tired too, but I wouldn't sleep until Jane did. I didn't want to miss a moment with her.
"Are you going to take me home?" Jane asked meekly.
I became sad.
"I want you to feel comfortable calling this place your home now, but I'll take you back to your apartment if you want me to." I said sadly.
"It's just...I don't have anything to wear and I don't have any soap or toothpaste or anything!" Jane sighed leaning her elbows on the table and resting her sleepy head in her hands.
"I have everything you need for the night. James will see to it that you get your things from your apartment tomorrow," I said perking a bit.
"The guest room that is now going to be your bedroom is all made up with fresh sheets and towels and everything you need." I smiled at Jane's sleepy face.
"I-I-I can't sleep alone. I have nightmares," Jane said closing her eyes tightly.
"I usually sleep with Angela in my bed, she makes me feel calm." Jane said sadly.
I knew she was thinking of her baby girl in the hospital.
"Then you'll sleep with me, don't worry...I don't bite!" I joked.
Jane grinned.
"I don't want to put you out anymore than I already have." Jane said timidly.
I rolled my eyes.
"You aren't putting me out of anything. Quite the opposite actually sweetheart. You can sleep with me in my bed. No one has ever slept with me in my bed here. It will be...it will be nice" I smiled warmly thinking of just how nice it really would be.
Jane smiled again.
"Ok, I'll stay!" she grinned.
Jane felt so good cuddled up next to me. It was two hours later and I was lying with one arm wrapped around Jane in my bed. I'd changed into my nicest silk negligée and Jane was wearing light cotton pajama's a bell boy brought up for her. They were a little to big...but she just looked so cute. I'd let Jane talk to Addison on my phone about Angela and her improving condition. Jane seemed much more calm now after having talked to the Doctor. I'd have to do something nice for Addison. She was a life saver...literally...a life saver.
Jane was flipping absently through the channels on the flat screen. She'd remarked several times on how she couldn't believe how many channels I had.
"How many channels we have Jane," I had to correct her.
Jane looked up at me with a peevish grin when I said that.
"You're awesome Maura Isles," Jane grinned.
I only smiled.
Jane stopped her flipping on a commercial for the Humane Society. That horrible Sarah McLachlan song was playing and pictures of sad-looking dogs and cats were flashing across the screen.
"Awww Maura...look at all those sad puppies." Jane wailed.
"Yes...it's awful," I said offhandedly.
I actually hated the hell out of those commercials, they were indeed sad...maybe a little bit to sad. I couldn't even listen to that Sarah McLachlan song anymore...it just made me think of dead puppies these days.
"I always wanted a puppy, but my Ma would never let me get one. She said I was to irresponsible to take care or another living thing." Jane said sadly.
Jane's revelation tugged at my heart-strings a little.
"Aww sweetheart. That's awful," I said curling my fingers through Jane's long dark locks.
She'd been letting me do that since we climbed into bed. Her hair felt like silk sliding between my fingers and she smelled so good. I was sad again thinking about how I had to leave her here alone. I would miss her so much.
"Yeah...I guess she was right though. Look what kind of mother I turned out to be." Jane said sadly.
I sighed and snatched the remote from Jane's hand and flipped off the TV.
"HEY!" Jane said sitting up a giving me her best little pout.
"Jane we need to set some rules. Rule number one, I don't ever want to hear you talk down about yourself again...I'm over it! You're not a bad mother, you're a wonderful mother and it's time you realized that. Two, I don't ever want to hear you call yourself a whore again...it's not true and it never will be. Three, I want you to feel comfortable here and cooperate with James while I'm gone. I need you to listen to everything he says and do as he asks. If you don't like something he says call me and we'll sort it out ok. If this is going to work you're going to have to start seeing yourself the way I see you. NO more putting yourself down!" I said sternly looking right into Jane's shocked face.
Jane didn't speak for a while. Her jaw was hanging open and she looked lost for words. I didn't take my steady gaze off her though. I needed her to understand how serious I was. I just was not playing around. I was over hearing Jane belittle herself. That part of her life was over...I would see to that personally if it killed me. Finally Jane spoke.
"Jesus Maura," she exasperated.
"I'm serious Jane," I reiterated.
"Ok Ok...sheesh!" Jane said.
She rolled her eyes and pulled my arm back around her neck and we both lay back on the soft down pillows.
We didn't speak for a while. I just reflected on everything that had happened over the past twenty four hours. Life sure had a way of throwing you blessings wrapped up as curses.
"Love is felt most keenly after experiencing tremendous pain,"
I smiled.
"I'm...I'm gonna miss you when you leave Maura," Jane whispered in my ear.
I smiled wider.
"I'm going to miss you too," I said truthfully.
I would miss her, I'd miss her like crazy.
Jane sighed. "This place is so big...it will be so lonely without you."
I couldn't deny that, this place was lonely when you were alone.
"You can call me anytime. I'll keep you company. And we can video chat if you like when I get off work." I said encouragingly.
Jane only sighed.
"We can do that...but...I'll still really miss you," she said.
"I'll miss you more." I replied sadly.
We talked for about another half hour. Finally I noticed Jane's breathing had become deep and steady. She was sleeping in my arms. I smiled and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead before leaning over and flipping of the lamp on the nightstand. I slept for five hours before my alarm went off. I woke and silenced it immediately. I was glad to notice it hadn't woken Jane. It was only four a.m. and I wanted Jane to get her rest. I knew she was tired. I showered and dressed as quietly as I could. When I was ready to leave I pulled my elevator key off my key chain and left it for Jane with a note on the nightstand. I'd written down the numbers for Addison, James, Allison at my Foundation, and the manager of the hotel. I wanted to make sure Jane had everything she needed. Finally I wrote on last thing on the paper, it was a simple one liner, but it carried the weight of the world.
"Here is the key to our apartment and the key to my heart," I wrote simply and left the letter on the nightstand with the elevator key on top.
I smiled down at Jane's sleeping body. She looked so peaceful. I brushed a few wild strands of Jane's hair from her face leaned over and kissed her cheek lightly.
"I'll see you Thursday little angel," I said softly in Jane's ear.
I left quietly. I thought of Jane the entire flight to Boston.
I missed her so much already.
I had dreamed of her all night. They were good dreams.
I smiled.
