A/N: So I lied to you guys, the next chapter isn't the sex chapter anymore...actually this chapter I split into three parts and this is part one. Fair warning, I'm taking Constance Isles a bit far OOC but I've done that with Maura and Jane too so it works as far as what I'm trying to get across in these chapters. I'll bring it all full circle and Constance won't be so horrible by the end of the story so...don't get scared. These next three chapters are going to be hard to read at some points, especially next chapter so I'm warning you now. The rating will change after 'Cinderella Part 3'! Hint Hint! Expect me to post again tomorrow and then maybe Friday. I've already written the next two chapters but my beta is to busy to work them so if anyone wants to volunteer to be my new beta please PM me! I need help! And with all that being said...here we go!
Jane
"Yes girlfriend you are gorgeous," Albert said looking at me in the mirror and smiling.
I smiled half halfheartedly sitting in the styling chair in the bathroom. I was far to nervous and anxious to be as excited as Albert was about me going to Maura's charity fundraising event. It was hard for me to even speak for fear that vomit might come out instead of actual words. I didn't have a lot of words to say anyway. There was plenty going on in my head but as far as verbalizing my thoughts, well I figured some things were better left unsaid. Besides I'd stated my case to Maura a million times already. She'd been patient and kind and tried everything she could to reassure me that I was beautiful, everything she ever wanted, and how proud she was that I was her date. But still my nerves were in hyper-drive and I couldn't seem to stop sweating. I stopped expressing my thoughts to Maura because the more I did the more hurt Maura's expression became. Far be it for me to hurt her, I adored Maura. I adored her so much I was terrified that I couldn't possibly live up to the image she had in her head of me. Maura seemed to be in some fairytale place in her mind where I was a princess and she was my proud prince. But in this moment I felt nothing like a princess. I felt like a squid about to jump into a shark tank where I would surely be devoured and spit out like the nothing I was. I wanted to be everything Maura thought me to be, but how could I? I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth, and I knew nothing about etiquette.
Maura tried to give me a lesson last night on proper dinner etiquette. It was exhausting and boring and made me wish for the days when a party meant pizza and beer and nobody cared one way or another which side of the plate you laid your damn fork. But there were so many rules to proper dining that I'd never even heard of; most of them were just silly.
"Hold your fork this way,'
"Hold your spoon this way,"
"Eat your soup this way,
"Lay your knife across your plate this way,"
"Waiters serve from the left and take from the right,"
"No elbows on the table,"
"Hold your glass by the stem,"
"Cut your meat one slice at a time and only in one direction,"
"Sit straight, elbows in, head up, don't cross your legs and blah blah blah blah!"
Trying to process all the information and rules Maura threw at me made me want to lay out on the couch, watch TV, and back out of the whole thing. But I'd promised Maura and I'd keep my promise. Maura at least was letting me wear the beautiful white suit she bought me yesterday instead of a dress. My new dresses were awesome of course, but pants would make it easier if I did or said something stupid and had to get the hell outta there in a hurry. Besides Maura was wearing a long gorgeous red gown and if nothing else I was happy I'd be standing next to her while she was wearing it. I hadn't seen her in it yet; but I imagined she was beautiful. Maura was always beautiful, even without trying.
Albert had covered my awful bruised face with makeup and styled my hair in an up do that let my curls fall down my back. Looking at myself in the mirror I hardly recognized the person staring back at me. Two weeks ago the very idea of this was laughable. Two weeks ago I was spending my last dimes on a dress from Goodwill and Pay Less shoes to wear on my first date with my first John! Now look at me. I felt sick to my stomach again. I tried to remember everything Maura taught me last night. I tried to tell myself that I'd be OK, that my mother would be proud of me, that I wouldn't stick out, that someone would dance with me while Maura was making her speeches and greeting her guest. I tried to tell myself that Maura's mother would be friendly and I'd like her. I wanted to believe I wouldn't fall apart in front of the woman and make a fool of both me and Maura. I wanted to believe all that would be true, but I'd keep my mouth closed as much as possible anyway. I had a tendency to say things sometimes that were inappropriate and rude in the most casual of settings. God forbid I'd let something slip like a curse word or a bad joke in the esteemed company of the greatest men and women New York had to offer. I sighed heavily weighed down by stress and terror.
"So girl, did you and the doctor make the sexy last night?" Albert asked laying down his curling iron and comb and standing right next to me bright-eyed and eager for answers.
He was wearing a very nice tuxedo, even though the jacket was pink and so were his shoes. I don't think Albert could wear anything that wasn't as colorful as a mosaic. Even so he did look dashing; make up, eye liner, lip gloss and all! I felt myself blushing under the scrutiny of Albert's gaze.
"No...I really wanted to but I was so nervous about today and so exhausted after everything that happened yesterday I just couldn't get it together!" I said rubbing my forehead and sighing heavily.
Albert rolled his eyes.
"Is that really why? You can tell me girl I can keep a secret!" Albert smiled.
I grinned sheepishly. I had been nervous about today, and I had been exhausted by yesterday's insanity but in truth I was terrified of sleeping with Maura. What the hell did I know about sleeping with women? I'd never even kissed a woman before Maura! I had no idea how all of it worked! I hadn't slept with anyone since I got pregnant with Angela and that was almost two years ago. What if I wasn't good at it? What if I didn't please Maura? What if I didn't like it and freaked out or something? I can't imagine how I wouldn't like it though; Maura was gorgeous after all. She made me feel things between my legs I'd never felt before and that was only with a kiss or a smile or the smell of her perfume. What if I DID like it? What if she blew my mind, what if I had a revelation or something? There were just to many possibilities, to many unknowns, but most of all I was just scared!
"I don't know how," I admitted to Albert blushing twice as hard.
Albert rolled his eyes.
"You're thinking to much about it. You just gotta relax! Besides, Maura is a doctor..."Albert whispered leaning in and fixing me with sparkling excited eyes. "She knows exactly what she's doing with a human body...trust me girl I've heard the rumors! But she ain't gonna make the first move...you gotta let her know when you're ready! Then just lay back and let her do all the work" Albert winked at me.
"How do I...how do I make the first move?" I wailed.
I didn't know what the hell to do, I knew nothing about seducing women. Albert looked at me like I was crazy.
"Girl please...you ain't gotta do much. Maura is fired up for you sweetheart...everybody can see that shit honey! But you need to catch her when she has plenty of time and is in a good mood. Pour her a glass of wine, rub her feet, listen to her babble about her bullshit for a while. Then slip into the bathroom and change into one of those short little nightgowns I got you, put on some tall heels, let your hair down, channel all that sexy you got going on, walk back out to her and see what happens. I bet she'll have your ass climbing up the walls five minutes later." Albert giggled.
I wanted to talk more about it. I wanted to ask more questions but Maura walked into the bathroom looking like a vision of heaven and earth. I was speechless. Maura was absolutely gorgeous. Her red dress hugged her perfect body like skin and made the hazel of her eyes stand out with an intensity I'd never seen. Her blond curls cascaded down her back and a diamond necklace adorned her flawless white neck. She was wearing heels tall enough to make her an even height with myself and her lipstick made me want to press my lips against hers and send Albert away. Maura smiled at me, a smile that took my breath away. I was immobilized.
"Oooo girl look at you honey," Albert exclaimed as he circled Maura's form taking her all in.
I tried to speak, but my voice caught in my throat.
"Albert can you excuse Jane and I for a moment, the limo is already here...we'll be leaving in five minutes." Maura said kindly but never taking her gorgeous eyes away from mine.
"I'll wait for you ladies in the living room," Albert said winking at me behind Maura's back.
When we were left alone Maura walked up to me and spread my legs so she could stand between them. I couldn't stop looking at her, I could barely breathe. She was just so intoxicating. I wrapped my hands around her slender waist and felt her muscles tremble under my touch.
"Oh Maura...WOW!" I exclaimed. I couldn't think of anything better to say, words seemed to be hard to come by.
I forgot all about my nerves, I forgot all about my fear. I forgot about everything else in the world with Maura standing between my legs looking down at me with that amazing smile. The scent of her perfume filled my nose and made my head swim. I pulled her body against mine and cradled my lips in her neck kissing her softly. I heard a sigh escape Maura's mouth and she wrapped her fingers in my hair gently pulling my head back so I was looking right up at her.
"You're quite dashing Miss Rizzolli," Maura smiled down at me.
I grinned.
"You think so?" I smiled, "You look good enough to eat!" I said nuzzling my face in Maura's cleavage making silly moaning sounds.
Maura laughed excitedly as she pulled my head back again by my hair. I grinned wickedly at her. Maura's eyebrows arched. She looked twice as sexy giving me that crazy no-nonsense expression.
"No teasing Jane! You're going to be distraction enough as beautiful as you are; but it's going to be a long night and I need to focus." Maura said leaning over and kissing me lightly on the lips.
I pouted.
"I'll be focusing on you," I said running my hands up Maura's sides and trying to get at her breast again.
Maura was having none of it, she swatted my hands away playfully and pinched my nipple beneath my vest and shirt, hard.
"OWWWW!" I wailed scrunching my face into a frown.
Maura only smiled.
"You didn't want me last night, and you can't have me now!" Maura said kissing me lightly again.
I didn't stop pouting.
"I did want you last night...I'm just...I don't know what I'm doing," I huffed, angry that I had admitted that to her.
Maura only rolled her eyes.
"I'm not going to push you Jane, but I have a feeling you know everything you need to know already." Maura gave me her sexiest grin as she leaned in and pressed her lips to my ear. "And what you don't know...I'll teach you!" she said in a low seductive voice.
I felt her hands running down my body and I jumped when she tucked her fingers down the front of my pants.
"OH! OH GOD!" My entire body shuddered.
I felt Maura laughing. I was having trouble breathing. She seemed to be amused!
"Come on you," Maura said pulling away and taking my hand. "We have to pick up Addison on the way,"
My heart dropped. Addison? I didn't even know she was coming, let alone that she was riding with us.
"Oh...I didn't know she was coming," I tried to sound casual.
Maura looked at me, studying me intensely.
"Does this upset you?" she asked.
"Ummm...No!"
I didn't want to let on how insecure and jealous I was about Addison. I knew she was going to be twice as beautiful as Maura thought I was. I think Maura sensed my discomfort because she leaned in and kissed me deeply. I fell into her kiss like I always did. My body was on fire, my mind raged with so many thoughts. I wish I hadn't chickened out last night because I wanted Maura so badly in that moment it was making me crazy. I moaned against Maura's lips and my body shook with my hunger for her. Maura let me cup her breast this time and didn't pull away. I smiled. They were so soft and so full. I wanted to feel them without her dress in the way, but I knew I wasn't about to get that lucky...not now at least. I had to make it through the night first. I now had a hell of a motivation to be on my best behavior because all I could think about was how much I wanted to get back here! I'll be damned if I pussied out again! Maura pulled away from me and giggled when I started trying to lift the hem of her dress. She swatted my hands away again and bit my lip playfully.
"Owww!" I grumbled rubbing my lip.
Maura eyed me and smiled.
"You have lipstick on your lips sweetheart!" Maura said brushing her thumb over my lips lightly.
I knew I was pouting like a child. Maura giggled and pulled me out of the chair by my ear.
"Come on you!" she teased as I whined and complained.
Maura
Jane looked tense and uncomfortable the entire ride to the hotel where Addison was staying. I didn't know exactly what was on Jane's mind. I would have inquired but Albert was busy chatting away and sipping his champagne excitedly. I knew Jane wouldn't open up to me in front of anyone else anyway. Jane's mind seemed far away and distant as she stared out the window not paying much attention to me or even Albert. I tried to converse as politely as possible with Albert, but Jane was the only thing on my mind for the most part. I'd been to a million of these fundraisers since I was a child. I'd given many speeches and danced many dances with people I didn't even care to know and would never call again. But tonight was different. Tonight I had a date, and not just any date. I had Jane, who was absolutely stunning in her crisp white three-piece suit and white Italian leather shoes. But I was nervous for some reason, maybe it was because I knew Jane was nervous herself. It had taken a great deal of persuasion to get Jane to agree to go with me in the first place and I knew she was terrified she'd feel out of place. I wasn't afraid of that myself as far as Jane was concerned. Jane was so beautiful tonight and her personality was vibrant and entertaining on the worst of days. If I was worried about anything it was that Jane would second guess herself to the point of inhibiting her wonderful personality. I wanted her to relax and enjoy herself and let others enjoy her the way I did. Well...not in every way that I did. There were some parts of Jane I wanted all to myself, parts I had felt but never seen in all their glory. I wanted many things from Jane; but for right now I just wanted her to have fun.
I reached over and took Jane's hand in my own. She turned and smiled at me. It was a forced uncomfortable smile that made me a little sad, but I knew she was trying. I knew she was doing her best. I just wish I knew what else was on her mind that was bothering her so much. The limo slowed in front of the hotel and I spotted Addison waiting on the curb dressed in a beautiful green gown. Jane saw her too and smiled. Jane's eyes even lit up a little as she stared at Addison. I wondered what she was thinking. She certainly didn't look jealous of the woman in that moment. Jane looked at Addison like she'd looked at me when I first entered the bathroom of our apartment earlier in the evening. I felt a pang of hurt and jealousy. I wanted those eyes of Jane's to be only for me. I hadn't bothered telling Jane I owned this hotel too; I thought it might upset her if she knew I'd put Addison up for the duration of Angela's hospital stay. But Jane didn't seem to be in the least bit upset about Addison in the moment.
"I'll get out and get the door," Jane said crawling out of the limo before I could make any protest.
"Oh my lord that woman is gorgeous!" Albert said looking out the window at Addison who was now hugging Jane.
"She's an old friend," I said as politely as I could.
"She seems fairly friendly with Jane too!" Albert said, studying Jane and Addison's embrace out the window.
I batted down my frustration and disappointment; it would be unseemly for me to react unpleasantly over a simple hug between a long friend of mine and Jane. I willed myself not to over-react like I had with the bell boy. If I looked like that yesterday, hugging Addison in front of Jane, I now understood why she felt jealous. A pain hit my chest that I tried my hardest to ignore. Even with my greatest effort I knew I was giving off an air of discomfort.
Albert studied me for a few moments.
"You look like you need one of these," Albert said setting down his own champagne glass and went about pouring one for me.
I took it gratefully. Addison climbed into the limo and sat across from me greeting me and Albert pleasantly.
"Addison, I'm so glad you could make it," I said offering her a glass of champagne which she accepted graciously.
Jane climbed back into the limo and sat next to Addison this time making me grit my teeth. I hoped my expression didn't belie the frustration I was feeling. Addison's green eyes sparked and her red hair was done up in a gorgeous bun making her features look sharp and elegant at the same time. Jane gave me her lopsided grin before turning back to Addison.
"I wanted to say thank you, Addison, for writing that letter to DCS. It made a world of difference. They aren't going to pursue a case against us. I don't know what you said to those people; but you're my daughter's hero!" Jane smiled. I thought I saw her eyes shining with tears.
Addison reached over and squeezed Jane's hand in her lap.
"I was happy to help you...and Maura," Addison added my name as an after thought I noticed. I felt myself frown but quickly replaced it with a smile.
I have always had trust issues; but I trusted Jane and I trusted Addison and would continue to do so until I had a reason to doubt them. At that moment Jane turned and looked at me. Her face was split in that grin that made her adorable.
"Maura's my hero!" Jane winked at me.
I felt my insides flutter. There was nothing forced about the smile I gave Jane in return.
"So, how long have you and Maura been friends?' Jane inquired accepting a glass of champagne from Albert.
"Oh...we've know each other for years. I've been to tons of these things but I've never known Maura to have a date. I believe she struck gold with you beautiful!" Addison smiled as she ran her eyes over Jane's body.
Jane gushed and blushed. I rolled my eyes. Albert kicked me lightly and gave me a quick frown before turning back to the two women.
"Where is your date Dr. Montgomery?" Albert asked studying Addison.
Addison chuckled, "Tell me where I can find another one of these and I'll show you my date!" Addison smiled at Jane and squeezed her hand.
Jane turned some kind of purple color. I felt heat rising in my face but Albert sensed the tension in my body and moved to speak before I did.
"Jane and Maura are going to be a big hit tonight I'm sure." Albert said.
Jane smiled at me again. Her dark eyes radiated affection...I hoped that affection was for me and not because of Addison.
We made pleasant conversation the rest of the way to my charity event which was being held at the Garden Hotel that I also owned. Jane seemed to be much happier and far more talkative than she was before. I tried not to think it was because of Addison, but at least Jane seemed to be getting along better. Never the less I was grateful when we arrived. Jane stepped from the limo first and extended her hand to help me to my feet. There were finely dressed people everywhere in the courtyard milling around, sipping drinks, and chatting pleasantly with one another. Jane looked around nervously. Her eyes were bright and uncertain. My heart melted with sympathy and love. I heard many people calling my name but I ignored them for the moment. I gave Jane several lingering kisses on her pretty lips. She looked hazy eyed and was blushing by the time I pulled away from her. I couldn't help myself from smiling as I wiped my lipstick from her lips with my thumb again.
Albert popped out of the limo next and started raving and clapping his hands running over to a man he recognized who met him with a hug and many loud exclamations. Jane and I both giggled at them. I spotted my mother standing around one of the fountains. My heart skipped three beats and my stomach turned. I hadn't seen my mother in six months; but I was anxious for her to meet Jane. I wanted to show her I could get a date and I wasn't hopeless and bound to be alone forever. I started to pull Jane toward the fountain but she ducked her head back into the limo and helped Addison to her feet. Addison smiled and flushed.
"Who knew you were such a gentlewoman Jane!" Addison gushed.
I thought I noticed Jane's chest poke out a little, "I've been practicing," Jane joked with her silly grin. "I have a lady to impress," she said leaning over and pecking me lightly on the lips.
I felt myself blush furiously. Addison's eyebrows rose dramatically as she watched Jane and I giggle at each other. Jane was whispering dirty things in my ear as she held me by my waist. I was trying to shoo her away playfully but Jane's words were making me weak. People were calling for me everywhere and Jane was an awful distraction; but so adorable I couldn't resist her playful advances.
"Look Maura it's your mother...Hello Constance!" Addison said suddenly.
I turned to see my mother approaching us. Constance Isles was dressed in a lovely black evening gown, her hair done up in a pretty diamond pin and a black diamond necklace adorned her neck. Mother's sharp angular face was compliment with light amounts of makeup and she walked with her head high and lips pursed as she always did. My mother was always well dressed and proper. Her eyes were wide and curious as she looked between Jane, Addison, and I. Mother looked at Jane the most I noticed. Jane seemed to have turned a strange pale color and appeared to be a bit faint. She'd backed away from me several steps and seemed afraid to make eye contact with me any further. I knew she was wondering how much of our playful exchange mother had seen.
"Good evening Dr. Montgomery, how good of you to come." Mother said pleasantly in that prim accent of hers extending her hand toward Addison.
Addison shook her hand graciously.
"And will your father, the Colonel, be joining us this evening?" Mother asked.
"Oh no, he's off in the Riviera for the summer I'm afraid." Addison said sadly.
"Well, we are more than happy to have you here. You and your family are always welcome." Mother smiled one of her rare smiles at Addison who blushed a little.
"And whom may I ask is this dashing young lady?" Mother asked looking Jane over curiously.
Jane looked positively faint under the studious all-seeing eye of my mother. I moved to rescue Jane quickly despite the fact that my name was being called from every direction.
"Mother this is Jane Rizzolli! I wrote about her in the email I sent you. She's my date this evening." I smiled encouragingly at Jane.
Jane smiled nervously at my mother and extended her hand which my mother shook politely.
"It's lovely to meet you finally Mrs. Isles," Jane smiled pleasantly. I was so glad Jane wasn't falling apart. She was so much better at handling stressful situations than I.
"You are a sight this evening Miss Rizzolli. I can't believe my daughter managed to snag a woman as commanding as yourself. Maura's always had such odd and unseemly taste in women; that's if she could ever get a date at all. People don't find Maura very appealing. Her personality is often lacking I'm afraid. It's a wonder you find her interesting enough to accompany her anywhere let alone here. Maura is always such a bore at occasions like these. We'll have to talk more, I have so many things to warn you about." my mother said snidely.
I felt my face fall and tears stinging my eyes. My mother had never been overly kind to me; putting me down in front of others seemed to be her favorite way to amuse herself. I felt my chest burn with pain and my throat hurt from trying not to cry in front of everyone. I knew I wasn't perfect, but I thought bringing Jane here would show my mother that someone did find me interesting and I was worth loving after all...no matter what she thought. I wanted my mother to be proud of me, or maybe even happy for me for a change. But it seemed no matter what I did I'd never be good enough, not even with Jane by my side.
I didn't see the way Jane's expression turned into one of shock and disbelief upon hearing my mother's unkind words. I was to busy staring down at my feet blinking away tears. I felt Addison touch my arm gently to encourage me but I was too far gone in my darkness to find much comfort from the gesture. I wanted to run away, to run from Mother and Jane. I didn't want Jane to see me become the weak inadequate wretch my mother always seemed to bring out of me. Jane had seen enough of my weaknesses to last a lifetime. How would she ever think of me as strong again? How would she ever look at me with those beautiful dark eyes full of admiration and wonder after seeing me belittled and torn down by my own mother. I felt years of horrible memories of my shortcomings and inadequacies flood my mind. I was that awkward little girl again that no one would eat with in the lunch room or partner with for class assignments or invite to sleepovers or parties. I was that strange uncoordinated kid with no date to the prom and no company but my books and my imagination. What did Jane think of me now? I hung my head in shame.
"There is no where in the world I'd rather be than right here with your daughter Mrs. Isles," Jane said firmly moving beside me, taking my hand giving it a tight squeeze.
I looked up at Jane and smiled. Her face was tight and strained. I knew she was trying her hardest to keep from glaring daggers at my mother, but I could still tell Jane was angry. I could tell by how tense every muscle in her body was, and how tightly she held my hand. I could tell by the defiant set of her jaw and the stiff arch of her back. Addison looked uncomfortable. My mother gazed right back at Jane curiously. What must she be thinking? The last thing I wanted was for there to be a row between my mother and Jane. I'd never seen Jane particularly angry before but I knew she could be cold and hurtful and so could my mother. By the look on Jane's face I was afraid she was thinking many cold and hurtful things to say to my mother and I was terrified. We hadn't even been at the hotel five minutes and already disaster loomed.
"My goodness Maura. Where did you say you found this little pet of yours again? She's awfully protective of you. Perhaps that's what you need, you've never been very good at standing up for yourself. Remember all those times you let those girls torment you in school and you did nothing but run and hide like a fool. It's good you found a dashing little dog to do your biting for you." My mother smirked.
I felt Jane's hand tremble in my own. Her face dissolved completely into one of fury and loathing. She wasn't even bothering trying to hide it anymore. The air around us had grown heavy and chilly and I was panicking inside. I chanced a look at Jane's eyes, I saw a fire behind them that made my blood run cold. My mother was staring right back at Jane studying her like a hawk. There were remnants of a smirk on my mother's face that made me sick. I wanted to speak but I was busy trying to breathe normally and hold my composure. It wouldn't do to prove my mother right and run away to hide in a corner at my own charity event. But I felt like I was falling apart on the inside. My mother's words were cutting into me like a knife.
"This dog has very sharp teeth," Jane said in a low, chilly, dangerous voice.
My mother simply arched her eyebrows and smiled. It was my turn to feel faint. Addison's green eyes were wide and uncertain as she stared between Jane and mother.
"Oh Goodness," Addison piped in. "There's Allison, let's go speak with her Maura. I'd like to make a donation to your foundation as I do every year. Jane would you like to come along?" Addison asked nervously.
Jane and my mother hadn't parted gazes yet. I thought they were trying to bore holes into each others skulls with their minds.
"Yes Jane, let's go speak with Allison. I have so many people I'd like to introduce you to tonight." I said wrapping my hand under Jane's elbow and trying to pull her away discretely.
I thought Jane was going to resist at first; but I squeezed her gently and she turned to look at me. I don't know what was showing on my face but Jane's expression softened under my gaze and she smiled.
"Of course, Maura. Lead the way." She said pleasantly.
I exhaled a grateful breath.
"It was nice to see you again Constance." Addison said politely.
"Oh you'll be seeing me again shortly. We are dining together of course." Mother replied, but she never took her eyes from Jane.
Jane glared at her.
"Ok well let's be going," I said quickly pulling Jane away, Addison followed.
I led Jane around the different circles of people gathered in the hotel court-yard. I introduced her to everyone as my date which Jane seemed to be very proud of and confident about all of a sudden. She seemed to have forgotten all about being a nervous wreck. Her exchange with my mother seemed to have lit a fire in Jane burning away all insecurities allowing her vibrant personality to shine. She seemed determined to please me and was never far from me. Jane spoke with everyone pleasantly and amused every group with silly jokes and animated conversation that made everyone laugh and smile. I didn't have to say much and I was grateful for Jane's casual banter. My mind was far to consumed with thoughts of my past and my mother. My heart was far to heavy with hurt and self loathing to be entertaining myself. Besides, I was never good at small talk. I always felt awkward and out-of-place even at my own events. My mother was right, I was a bore. But Jane was carrying on like she'd done this twice as many times as I and was the focal point of every eye in every group I introduced her to. Addison had made her way off with a dopey eyed young oil heir and it was just Jane and I now; which is the way I loved it.
Jane hadn't paid Addison any attention at all since she met my mother. Jane refused to let go of my hand and even if she had to she would stand right next to me and wrap her arm around my waist protectively. I kept a constant eye out for my mother. I had a feeling it wasn't over between Jane and Constance Isles but I would do everything I could to see that things didn't come to a head tonight at least. For now, I was just happy Jane was with me and having a good time; at least outwardly it seemed she was enjoying herself. If it weren't for Jane I wouldn't have the confidence to linger so long with all my guest. I was a wreck inside, but I had to suck it up for Jane and prove my mother wrong. I didn't want to give mother a reason to put me down again, especially not in front of Jane.
I led Jane to a small cluster of women I'd attended school with in my childhood. They were all well to do and from high society families like my own. But I'd never particularly liked any of them. They'd always been polite in their manner but their words were often biting and cruel despite the smiles on their faces. I always left them feeling weary and undesired. I didn't want to speak to them now...but it was my duty as the hostess to greet all my guest.
"Hello Cynthia, Blair, Michaela, Sherri! I'd like you all to meet Jane Rizzolli, my date for the evening." I said proudly smiling lovingly at Jane who grinned that silly little lopsided grin at me.
The ladies all seemed shocked as they stared at Jane wide-eyed and wondering. They were of course dressed in their finest gowns, diamonds, and designer shoes sipping their champagne. In the past they'd always greeted me with a snide comment about my lack of a date, or husband, or children. The loved to point out my character flaws under a veil of polite advice. However, in this moment they seemed stunned and speechless. They seemed to be lacking cruel words to say to me as they looked at Jane in her dazzling white suit. Jane grinned at all of them in turn and shook their hands.
"Well, aren't you a gorgeous little thing!" Sherri said.
Sherri was the leader of the group and the most cruel to me in the past. But she seemed to have eyes and interest only for Jane. Jane blushed.
"You are very beautiful yourself Sherri." Jane replied politely.
Sherri smiled devilishly at Jane and so did all the others. The rest of them were whispering behind their hands and giggling as they looked at Jane; but Sherri never let her lust filled eyes part from my date. I felt my heart harden and my jaw clinch. Perhaps I should not have introduced Jane to these women at all.
"Tell me...Jane, how much did Maura pay you to make you pretend to be her date tonight?" Sherri asked bluntly.
I felt my heart drop and my eyes lower again.
"Why would you think Maura paid me?" Jane asked cocking her head to the side and frowning slightly.
"Oh please honey. Everyone knows Maura can't get a date she didn't buy, especially not someone as gorgeous as you darling! She always runs people off with her boring rambling and socially awkward aloofness. Maura couldn't even get a date to prom; not even from the weird guy that smelled like cheese!" Sherri and all the girls laughed around their champagne glasses.
I thought I heard Jane's teeth grinding in her head. I was to busy blinking back tears again to pay much attention though. I'd been embarrassed many times in my life; but being embarrassed constantly in front of Jane was a knife in my chest. Was I really so awful that I deserved to be treated this badly? Why did people not believe that Jane cared for me? Not even my mother! I couldn't even stand to look at Jane anymore, I didn't want to see her look at me the way everyone else did. I didn't want Jane to see my pain either; I just wanted to get away and be alone like I always was. It was safer alone, at least alone I had no one to disappoint and embarrass but myself. At least alone Jane wouldn't have to be ashamed to be my date or witness my torment. I should never have asked Jane here. I should have let her stay home and battled my way through this nightmare by myself.
"Actually, Maura is my girlfriend and I'm happy to be here and support her. Only an idiot wouldn't want to be the date of the beautiful and great Dr. Isles! I couldn't be more proud of my girlfriend than I am right now!" Jane said lifting my chin and planting a light kiss on my stunned lips.
Jane's eyes glowed in the lantern light of the gardens and her sweet smile took my breath away. Her face and eyes sparkled with sincerity and kindness and she looked at me like I was the queen of the world. No one had ever looked at me like that before. My mind was drowning in a sea of love and relief. I let Jane kiss me and felt my knees go weak. I felt myself blush and my heart flutter. My breath caught in my throat and my eyes burned with tears of joy. Jane walked behind me and wrapped her arms around my waist pulling me into her body. I wrapped my fingers over Jane's hands and sighed when I felt Jane's lips on my neck briefly. I closed my eyes and shuddered under the assault of affecting with which I was being showered. For a moment I forgot where I was. I forgot I was in the presence of women who had tormented me most of my life. I forgot I was the hostess of one of the most premier events of the summer. I forgot I was awkward and unlovable and boring and undesirable. I forgot about my years of loneliness and pain. I forgot about my hateful mother and my absent father. I forgot everything in the arms of the woman that set my soul on fire and said she was proud of me! No one ever said that to me before. I would have cried if I had the breath to do so. How long had I wanted to hear words of honest affection? How long had I dreamed of a moment like this? But any and all dreams paled in comparison to the gravity of this moment. I could have floated away into the heavens. If there was a heaven, it was not a place. It was feeling...it was a moment...it was that very moment in the arms of the woman I loved.
"You're so beautiful, Maura. You're twice the woman as any of these little girls!" Jane whispered in my ear.
Jane kissed my jaw softly and I barely stopped a moan from escaping my mouth. I closed my eyes and shuddered in Jane's arms, reveling in her soft tender words. I felt a powerful wave of love and sexual arousal over come me with the heat of a lightning strike. So intense was the feeling that I had to grasp Jane's arms and lean against her to keep myself from falling. I opened my eyes and sighed heavily surprised and overwhelmed by the fire between my legs. I could feel my moist thighs and adjusted my stance to hold my juices inside. I turned back to the women and saw their stunned open jawed expressions and smiled haughtily. I'd been embarrassed by many things in my past, but I wasn't embarrassed by what I was feeling in the moment or what I may have looked like quivering under Jane's touch. It was about time I got one up on those awful women.
"So ladies, are you all here with someone also?" Jane inquired, still not releasing me from her arms.
"My husband is away on business," Michaela said
"Mine too," said Cynthia
"My husband is working late at the office," Blair said
"My husband is...well he's here somewhere." Sherri said offhandedly.
"Oh well, they are all lucky men I'm sure," Jane said kindly. "How do you all know Maura?"
"Oh...we all went to school together in France for a while and the same finishing school in the states. We've known each other since we were girls." Sherri replied having the nerve to smile at me.
"Oh, that's nice that you all stayed in touch for so long. What do you all do now?" Jane asked
I had a sudden spark of confidence standing in Jane's embrace staring down the women I'd hated for so long.
"They do nothing, but their husbands all work for me." I said eyeing each woman in turn.
They all blushed and pouted. I turned my head to look at Jane, I thought I saw something like burning pride in her eyes. I smiled at her but my mind was wandering. I wanted to kiss Jane. I wanted to feel her body tremble in my hands. I wanted to make her understand how grateful I was to have her by my side. I wanted her to feel as loved I felt in the moment. I wanted to give Jane everything as she had given me.
"Come along Jane, I want to show you the rest of the gardens before the speeches start."
I nodded to the women and their frowning faces and led Jane away down the stone path.
"Gosh Maura, you know a lot of people! I spoke to two Senators and the Mayor of New York and a Saudi prince who said I had nice titts...can you believe that? Did you hear him? Who actually says things like that to people they don't know? I met a bunch of celebrities and a ballerina and a basketball star! And I met the guys that founded Google and the CEO of Starbucks! His wife couldn't stop looking at me...it was weird!" Jane giggled lightheartedly as she held my hand through the gardens.
I only smiled. I led her to a little coy pond with an iron worked bench in front of it where I knew we'd have at least a small bit of privacy. I pulled Jane to sit with me. We stared at the fish in the pond for a little while enraptured by the twinkling lantern light shining on the surface of the water. The sun was very near setting now and the sky was a gorgeous cascade of pink and orange and purple. A warm breeze blew through the trees and flowers sending up gusts of pollen and petals floating through the air. I'd walked through this garden many times. I'd never seen it look as beautiful as it did in that very moment sitting next to the woman I loved so much. Jane hadn't let go of my hand or said anything since we sat down. I wondered what she was thinking. Her face had the intense look it always got when she was thinking hard about something. I decided to pry. I'd never felt closer to Jane than I did in the moment and I wanted answers to so many questions.
"Do you really consider me to be your girlfriend, Jane?" I asked softly.
I was afraid of the answer. What if she only said it to throw off that wicked Sherri? Jane turned to me her eyes wide and uncertain, then she turned away staring back at the pond. I knew Jane wanted to speak, but expressing emotions was difficult for her. It was difficult for me also, but I was willing to bend and I wanted Jane to bend with me. I squeezed her hand to encourage her and kissed her cheek. Jane looked at me and smiled, blushing like a school girl.
"I...we've only known each other for like a week and a half..."
"...Twelve days actually!" I corrected.
Jane rolled her eyes at me.
"Do you want to hear my answer or are you going to get stuck on the details like you always do," she pouted.
I sighed and scooted closer to Jane, nestling against her side and pulling her arm around my shoulders.
"I'm all ears," I said softly leaning my head on Jane's shoulder.
I felt Jane sigh. I was a few moments before she spoke again.
"You mean more to me than anyone has in five years, Maura." Jane said softly.
I turned my head and saw tears shining behind her dark brown eyes.
"I've...I've never felt this way before. I care about you so much, Maura! I think about you all the time, I miss you when you're not around, I even dream about you in my sleep. Don't get me wrong you drive me crazy sometimes, and you can't ride a bike for shit, and you're terrible at basketball, and you treat me like a child sometimes, and you nag me constantly..." Jane chuckled to herself.
I giggled too.
"...But I don't know what I'd do without you Maura. I don't know what I ever did do without you! I'd probably by on my back right now with some guy between my legs instead of here with you if we'd never met!"
"Jane, please don't talk like that," I sighed.
"It's true Maura, you know it's true! But I don't have to do that now thanks to you. Addison said I gained six ounces when she weighed me at the hospital yesterday. My blood work came back better. Angela is still alive because of you! And Franklin Thomas means the world to me! But mostly...when I look at you my heart explodes with so many thoughts and feelings it overwhelms me! When I'm with you in bed, I just want to kiss you all the time. Even when your driving me crazy I still just want to kiss you. You make me think of my mother. She...she would have loved you so much Maura, And when I watch you with Angela, it makes me love you so much more. Angela smiles at you, she never smiles at anyone but me. And she falls right to sleep every time you sing to her. You look so happy with her in your arms and she looks so happy when your holding her. When I watch you with her I know there will never be another person that I trust as much as you with my daughter. You really are just like a dad to Angela." Jane's voice cracked in her throat and I know I saw the tears ready to fall from her eyes.
Jane turned her head away so I couldn't see her face. But I wanted to see her face, my heart was melting more and more with every word she spoke. I wrapped my fingers around her chin and turned her head back to me gently. Jane's eyes never met mine but one lonely tear fell from both of her eyes and ran down her beautiful olive-skinned face. We were so close our lips were almost touching. I could feel Jane's warm sweet breath on my cheek and smell the lavender of her body wash. I closed my eyes and filled my nose and my senses with the essence of Jane. My body felt weak and my heart felt light in the moment. I was enraptured in every word Jane spoke and I shuddered every time she planted one of her sweet tender kisses on my lips.
"For so long I thought I was lost without Ma and my brothers. Even after I had Angela I hated myself because I knew I'd never be able to give her everything my mother gave me. And not even that I didn't have much money to provide for her. I was so broken and so empty inside I could never show Angela the love and support my mother gave me from the day I was born. But now...Maura you filled a hole inside of me I thought would be there forever. You've exposed parts of me I've hidden away for five years and even before that. You make me want to cook you dinner, you make me want to try new things, you make me happy first thing in the morning and you and Angela are the last thing on my mind at night. When I kiss you Maura...it feels like I'm floating and drowning at the same time. When your mom was talking all that crap about you, God I wanted to scream at her. I couldn't stand it! I hate it when you're hurt! And I will to Maura...I will scream at her if she does it again." Jane said fixing me with an expression that could burn rubber.
I was taken back by the intensity of her eyes.
"Please don't scream at her! I know she's trying but..."
"...And those women you went to school with...what's wrong with that Sherri girl? Why do people keep saying you're boring and can't get a date? I can't imagine why you don't have people lining up to get at you! Look at you...you're gorgeous, and oddly funny sometimes, smart, intelligent, successful, you own everything in the city! What's not to like about you?" Jane's eye brows were furrowed in confusion.
She looked like she really couldn't understand! My heart melted again.
"Before I met you...and even now I was never good at making friends or having relationships. People...people scare me Jane!" I sighed.
Jane looked at me like I was crazy.
"People should be scared of you not the other way around! Most people are scared of you; you're intimidating to weak minded people! There's nothing wrong with you, you're awesome!" Jane frowned at me.
I tried not to laugh at Jane's intense face. I knew she was trying to encourage me but she looked like she wanted to punch something.
"Jane...my childhood was less than perfect..." I started but Jane cut me off again.
"...How come you never talk about your family? I tell you so many things about my family and they are dead. Your parents are still alive but you never talk about them. You told me your mother would be proud that you showed up with a date...but she just seems so...so cold and cruel! What is going on with all that?" Jane asked curiously, her face still scrunched in a frown.
I faltered for a few moments. I didn't know what to say. There were many reasons I didn't talk about my family, mostly because I didn't have much of a family to begin with. But Jane's eyes were wide with curiosity and yearning for understanding. I sighed and willed myself to speak about what hurt me most.
"I...I hardly ever see my father and when I do all he talks about is business and traveling. He's not very interested in me and never has been. He spends all his time with his mistresses and sailing on his yachts. My mother, well you've seen what she's like, she hates me. I grew up lonely and have remained so until I met you." I said trying to smile at Jane.
Jane's face was stricken with sympathy and sadness. I sighed and hung my head. I didn't want her to feel sorry for me. I wanted her to love me.
"For the first time in my life I feel alive. I dream of you too Jane. Every time I look at you I still can't believe you're real and how lucky I am. You saved me Jane...you saved me from myself and my loneliness. You turned my cold dark apartment into a warm inviting home and you've filled my heart with hope and love! I don't want to live another day without you." I felt tears forming in my own eyes again.
Jane turned my head towards hers and gave me her brightest smile.
"It's you that saved me Maura, you saved me and my daughter."
I half laughed half sobbed. "How about we just call it even," I said trying to smile through my tears.
"Don't cry Maura, I hate it when you cry! And you're so beautiful tonight, I'm the luckiest woman in the world to be your date." Jane said running her thumb over my cheek.
"I love you Jane Rizzolli," I blurted out before I could stop myself.
I was shocked at my forwardness. I don't even know where that came from it just escaped my mouth like vomit! I felt my eyes go wide and my insides go cold. I hadn't meant to say that...not now...not so soon! I didn't want to freak Jane out and scare her away. I was panicking inside. But Jane only smiled at me again. One tear fell from each of her eyes again and her lips quivered.
"I love you too Dr. Maura Isles," Jane said leaning in and kissing me.
She said it...she said 'I love you too'! I was dying and being reborn in unison! I wanted to go on kissing Jane forever. The crickets chirped a symphony of love for Jane and I against the background of the setting sun. My heart exploded with love and desire. My mind danced with thoughts of many hopes and dreams I never thought would come true but were now manifesting in that very moment. I melted into Jane, I surrendered myself to her, I was hers completely and she was mine. I loved that woman shining like an angel in her pretty white suit. I loved Jane and I knew I'd love her until the day I died.
"Oh Goodness...I've been looking for you two everywhere," Addison's voice broke our precious moment.
Jane pulled back instantly and looked over her shoulder at Addison.
"They want you at the stage Maura...everyone is seated and it's about to start!" Addison said looking guilty that she'd interrupted us.
"Of course," I said standing quickly.
I grabbed Jane's hand and started to lead her away when she pulled me back into her arms.
"Wait...I wanted to ask you something," Jane grinned mischievously.
"Jane what is it?" I giggled.
"Will you be my girlfriend Maura Isles?" Jane asked with that lopsided smile on her face.
I laughed like I'd never laughed before and with a heart as light as a feather.
"I've been yours from the moment I laid eyes on you Jane Rizzolli." I smiled.
