Restoring the Family Honor
Chapter 3; Ganging up
The real reason Jaune never trained to be a hunter is that he was busy fighting the temptation to be a playboy. It's Jaune vs. his imagined Harem. AU, Some crack.
Disclaimer; I don't own RWBY and this is total AU. Enjoy the ride, check author's note at the end for concerns, and kindly leave a review.
This is told primarily from Jaune's perspective, and he is not the most reliable narrator. Other perspectives will likely be equally unreliable. Trust No one; they're all in on it!
Responding to reviews;
First of all, thank you to every who left a review.
DarkDurian; Yes, they ARE all crazy, or at least, that's how Jaune sees them. That means I've done my job well.
ZenithTempest; The conspiracy is real, man, that's all I can say.
-Honor-
"You know, I think that monk stuff has some worth. A bit of harsh living is good for the aura, I already spend most of my time praying for deliverance from Oum, and I would probably have gone crazy if I didn't have practice meditating. That's right, Inhale… Exhale… Smells like wood. I wonder what type of tree this is?" Jaune's improvised landing strategy had been interrupted by a spear to his hood. The back of his hood. So, he was now hanging with his face full of tree. "At least I'll be able to hear when Pyrrha comes for her spear… Or Blake comes for me… Actually, no I won't hear that later one, and won't have a clue it's happening until I'm lying beneath her and staring into her- NO! Don't go there! Don't even think of relationships with crazy!"
The sound of rustling in the bushes drew his attention. He honestly hoped it was a Grimm. If it was one of the other students, then there was no guarantee of his safety.
"I'm sorry about the spear, but you looked like you could use some help with the landing strategy."
"Oh crap, she threw that spear to make sure that she'd know where I was and couldn't escape! She knew I'd get stuck facing the tree so that no one else could make eye contact and be my partner! I'm not going to have any true security with her, am I? I'd better not start missing underwear…"
"Is there still room on your team?"
"Here's my chance!" "Definitely! But could I have some help getting down? It's hard to make eye contact through a face-full of bark."
He could just hear the diabolical smile in her words. "Definitely."
He braced himself for a fall, but it didn't come. Instead, there was more rustling in the bushes, the clanging of metal, and the sound of staggered small arms fire. "Alright, the trap went… close enough to plan. That should be Blake following her tracker engaging the yandere in a catfight. Now I just have to get down, and the number of crazy girls around me will be down by two without murder and only minimal danger." He had to amend that thought as the sounds of fighting increased. "So long as I make sure that they don't murder each other, that is…"
He braced himself against the tree and grabbed ahold of the spear. With his left hand, he pulled out his sword and carefully went to work cutting off his hood. But it seemed that fate hated him, as the spear pulled out of the tree just as he finished cutting his hood.
He plummeted to the ground and barely managed to slow himself on a low branch before he hit the ground. His hood slowly drifted down to land on his face. Insult to injury.
The thud of his landing seemed to be the cue for the girls to stop as they both raced over to him. Pyrrha reached out a hand to remove the loose hood, but Blake intercepted. The two girls glared at each other as Jaune pushed himself up.
He mustered up his most sincere hurt voice. "Blake… I thought you were going to be my partner…"
Both girls looked at him, before looking back at each other, and realizing their fatal mistake. Blake extended her hand first and gave a greeting through clenched teeth. "I guess my partner is the Invincible Girl, then."
Pyrrha took the hand and responded with equal grip. "And I guess my partner likes to judge people before she knows them."
As the two girls continued to crush the other's hand, June was internally dancing. "Those were the two girls I was most worried about getting stuck with! Since they're paired up, that means I don't have to worry about them nearly as much! All according to Plan!"
-Ozpin's Office-
"Pay up Jirai! Cat-girl is with Invincible-Girl!"
"I call interference! If those Grimm hadn't burst into that clearing, she would have snuck away with him before Invincible-Girl even knew what happened. I demand a refund!"
"A loss is a loss, regardless of circumstance. Now pay up, and stop planning to manipulate a rivalry!"
-Forest-
The noble Weiss Schnee was faced by a pair of Grimm, but she did not feel fear. Fear was for peasants and civilians. Her shaking was merely excitement at the prospect of her first real fight.
She thought back to her training; Legs slightly bent, proper foot forward, right dust selected, motions for the glyph perfectly executed.
Then all of it was made pointless when an Ursa flew through the air and struck her targeted Beowolf. A familiar blonde followed close behind, aura blazing around her. "All right, who else wants to help me relieve my anger?"
The remaining Beowolf growled and leapt at its new target.
And was promptly thrown back by the force of Yang's punch.
As yang's anger began to cool, Weiss felt hers begin to rise. "You dunce! You interrupted my attack and-"
"Oh look, it's the Ice Queen. Or should I say, Weiss-Quream? Eh? Eh?"
The very noble and proper lady put her hands on her hips. "My name is Weiss Schee, Heiress to the SDC, not Ice Queen."
Yang responded by leaning forward and giggling. "And here I thought it was Snow Angel. Or does only he get to call you that? Your special, sexy Idiot." She pitched her voice for the last part to make her joke clear.
"You're the idiot if you think I actually enjoy when he calls me that bar level nickname. He uses it specifically to get a reaction out of me… And it's the first thing I plan to break out of his terrible habits."
"Ohh, Lover-Boy has a girl trying to fix him up! Shame he's a monk, but that might save you from feeling inadequate."
Weiss crossed her arms tightly around her chest as Yang rolled her shoulders back. "Hardly, he must have just rejected you because he has more refined tastes."
Yang snickered. "I don't know about refined, but from the bulge I saw him give, his tastes are just fine."
It took a second for that to sink in. "YOU HARLOT!"
Yang realized that she was only a few seconds away from dodging a rapier if she did nothing. So she did the next worse thing. "Aww, did I hurt the Princess's feelings? Let me kiss it to make it better~"
The response came in the form of a rapier thrust. Yang dodged the sloppy attack and took off to the North, cackling all the way.
-Ozpin's Office-
"Snow Angel is partnered with the Aviators Party Girl." Vell turned from watching the students and held out her hand to collect the money.
Jirai slapped a notepad down, one steamy story already set for publication. "Isn't her semblance something to do with fire? Heh, heh. Fire and Ice, I'll ship that!"
"Despite the fact that they can't seem to stand each other?"
"That, my dear, is what makes it so appealing. That hostility is obviously just belligerent se-"
Cherri clamped a hand over her adoptive father's mouth. "Cream's listening! Don't corrupt her!"
Vell watch her sisters planning their father's punishment as she mentally calculated how much it would take to ruin the SDC and buy the ex-heiress as a maid.
-Forest Ruin-
"Alright Pyrrha, it's your turn. Truth or Dare?"
The trio hadn't run into anyone. And since they had already arrived at the ruins, Jaune decided to wait for a partner and the girls insisted on waiting for him to choose a relic before they did. Pyrrha suggested they get to know each other better in the time they spent waiting, and Blake mockingly suggested Truth or Dare.
Pyrrha chose not to pick up on the sarcasm, and now she was regretting it. "Umm, Truth?"
Jaune was the one asking this time, so she seemed to be much more willing to talk about herself. "Alright then… How was your relationship with your father?" Learning about her father and any possible daddy issues could go a long way to disarming any bouts of psychotic affection.
"I never knew my father… He died before I was born. My mother raised me by herself. She's the one who pushed me to become a celebrity." And that was a bad sign. That tends to mean no obvious preference in men and instead looking for something much more undefined. How do you turn a girl off her first crush when she decides what turns her on based off her first crush? "But, ummm, What kind of girldoyoulike?"
Blake answered before Jaune had a chance to process. "Rather brazen, aren't you Champion? You're supposed to let him choose truth or dare." Who knew Blake could be so catty?
"I'd really rather not say that I'd date any girl that's nice, cute and sane. That would give her far too much encouragement and give me nothing but the truth to repel her. And I'd rather not tell her that she's going to go crazy if we date." "I'll do a dare."
Pyrrha looked around, obviously lost. Her eyes wandered to the sky and seemed to catch something. "That girl, she's falling!" a quick glance to the sky confirmed that, yes, there was a girl falling. "Catch her!"
As Jaune rushed off to help the girl, Blake stayed leaning against one of the pillars. "You're not very good at this game, are you? You're supposed to make him do things he normally wouldn't do, like go back on a promise, or abandon his real partner. I know you can make him do that."
The two girls snapped into combat stances when they heard movement in the bushes.
Yang burst into the clearing, laughing manically, just in time to see her sister saved by Jaune. She was impressed and thankful.
Weiss burst into the clearing using words that should never need to pass a lady's lips just in time to see her (intended, future) fiancée twirl that bumbling red-cloaked girl. She was extra furious.
Then one action changed almost everyone's status to confused. Ruby opened her scythe, and was rubbing against him with her weapon grinding against his sword.
The girls rushed to pry them apart. Jaune was frozen in shock as the supposedly cute and innocent Ruby was doing some very non-innocent things to him. He could feel that she was starting to develop curves that his libido very much wanted to get acquainted with.
Meanwhile, Ruby was whining at the coming separation. "Yaaang! Crescent Rose is just happy to see her boyfriend! That's how you always acted whenever you had a boy!"
Two figures appeared on the boy's shoulders; One was wearing a horned Grimm mask, the other sported a pair of white wings.
The dark themed one spoke first. "Jaune, you know her type. She looks all innocent and can fool whoever she wants, but just uses that to get away with whatever she wants. And what she wants is obviously you. So go with it. Fight back a little. Give the female dog a bone and you'll tame the bitch. Though with a girl it's give her the D-"
"That's reprehensible!" The light themed side interrupted. "You can't just do that! No, you have to get married first! You need to be prepared for children! You need to be loving and dedicated to one another, giving and receiving pleasure equally! You can't just act selfishly without regard for the consequences!"
"Oh, I plan for the consequences. Her sister gets jealous and hides it as anger so we give her the same treatment as her sister and live babies ever after with two collared mommies."
"That is a good point- Being a huntress is dangerous work and having more than one wife would be the wisest move…"
Jaune mentally interrupted the two figments of his imagination. "Isn't one of you guys supposed to be my conscience? Why are you both telling me to do her?"
The two halves looked at each other before answering simultaneously. "No, we're both your libido."
"Of course. I should have known."
-Office-
"And Jaune's official mission teammate is… Moe Weapons Girl! Hestia wins!"
The dragon girl stood up to accept the cheers, but pushed the prize money back. "I'd like to trade in the money for the bedding chart!"
Five of the girls looked at each other in confusion, but Vell merely gave the smallest of frowns. "You may get to warm his bed, but be warned! I control the heat."
The two sisters glared at each other. Hestia unfurled her wings. "What exactly do you mean by that, Dear Sister?"
Vell moved closer and released her three tails behind her. "Exactly what I always mean. You'll never get Jaune if you spend your time fighting me."
Hestia looped her arm around the back of the shorter girl's head. "Then I'll just have to find a way to control you. I think I know just the way…"
Jirai gave an awkward cough and interrupted the moment. "As much as I appreciate your practice, Jaune isn't here to be tempted. And don't you think it's about time to release the big Grimm so they all have to work together?"
The two girls backed apart without an ounce of embarrassment. Hestia gave a curse at their brother's absence making the entire play pointless. Vell just smiled wickedly as she kept a hold on the gambling money and bedding chart.
-Ruins-
"Alright Ruby, you can let go now. You still need to choose a relic for-"
"Got One!" Before he had even finished speaking, the girl had raced over, grabbed a piece, and returned to hugging him.
Jaune actually looked at the piece and suppressed a groan. "Ruby? Do you know anything about chess?"
"Nope! Is that what these are? This one has an O on the top, so it made me think of you; Jaune the Paladin of Oum!"
"This girl is going to be the death of me." "Well, it looks like Ruby has chosen. The King piece it is." "But why are there three…-Wait, What's this shaking?"
As the other teams begrudgingly went to grab their pieces, the small tremors increased. Just as the last group retrieved their relic, a Deathstalker burst into the clearing, quickly accompanied by the screeching of the giant Nevermore.
"Would now be the time to tell you that my teacher insisted that my aura only be unlocked by my partner?"
The looks on the girls' faces told him that it was not the ideal time at all.
-End Chapter 4-
I plan to skip over the fights with the grimm and just give a summary at the start of next chapter. After all, fighting Grimm is what he WANTS to do, and there isn't much room for freaking out over your hot teammates in the heat of battle.
This chapter feels a little slow, since it's mostly set-up, but I feel it does well at setting the dynamics of each pair. The only pair that isn't changed is Ren and Nora, because you just can't beat that sloth call. As for teams… I have something a little special planned to torment poor Jaune (As if he needs anything more on his plate).
Changing one of the sister's names, but she hasn't been introduced yet, and the race of another that wasn't explicitly stated, so I feel it's fair.
Next chapter is teams, Jaune's vision of Oum granting him power, first duels, Arc Semblance, and the story of how Jaune met and enthralled Cherri and Cream. Should be fun. But it may be a time in coming. Next chapter I plan to do is chapter 3 of Abyss/Zero, and my writing is inconsistent. I'd ask for a beta, but with going dark for months at a time, it would just be impolite.
Cherri; +2 yr, Spider-faunus, Doctor; stop
Cream; -1 yr, change to cow, Nurse; symbiosis
Vell M. (Manilla); +1 yr, Kitsune (currently 3 tails); copy
Hestia; =, Dragon, smith; heat absorption
Laurelai; =, Athlete, human, semblance; Gravity
Casandra; =, Teacher, sloth; dreams
Navy; -1 yr, Pilot, human, crippled; possession (non-animate)
