Restoring the Family Honor
Chapter 7; I had to Read Twilight for this Chapter, You'd Better Appreciate it
The real reason Jaune never trained to be a hunter is that he was busy fighting the temptation to be a playboy. It's Jaune vs. his imagined Harem. AU, Some crack.
Disclaimer; I don't own RWBY and this is total AU. Enjoy the ride, check author's note at the end for concerns, and kindly leave a review.
This is told primarily from Jaune's perspective, and he is not the most reliable narrator. Other perspectives will likely be equally unreliable. Honnestly, I just enjoy screwing with your minds, it's more fun for me this way.
Responding to reviews:
Guest; Wait… People actually read the author's notes? Joking aside, I thought that it would give Cream more of a character to have a brother, and with the milk connection also working for cows, I had the thought that it would be hilarious for her brother to be Adam. Plus, it explains a lot of White Fang shenanigans.
Zenith Tempest; I had hoped to circumvent Jaune being useless by giving him so many tangential skills that he has a fighting change if things go exactly right. I hope to show off what he can do next chapter in a fight with Cardin.
Frank Horrigan; They actually tried to lock away Jaune's Great-Great Grandfather in a monastery. It… didn't turn out well. A giant Nevermore kidnapped him and a group of huntresses from Vacuo rescued him. For the rest of the story… let's just say that he started the tradition of giving the Arc scion seven sisters, and that's the short version of why Vacuo is in anarchy.
On with the story.
-Victory-
Blake and Jaune stared lovingly deep into each other's eyes. They stood on top of a pile of the unconscious bodies of the White Wang extremists who followed Adam in his crazed attack on Beacon. The rabid bull himself was the capstone of the pile, courtesy of Jaune.
Pyrrha stood a few feet away, too stupid and too slow to make it in time. She stood at a distance as the true partners kissed passionately. The sight lit a fire in the Red-head's chest. She had lost, and the man she tried to steal was in her better's arms. The heat flowed throughout her body as she meekly followed the retreating couple. Every kiss they shared made the haze of heat settle deeper over her. She only stopped when the door to their room was closed in her face. She scratched at the door and whined like the pet she wanted to be.
The door swung open and she was greeted by the sight of her new mistress and master holding out a collar and leash for their new pet.
Properly collared, she padded over to the corner and watched with pathetic glee as the man she wanted was taken by the woman better than her. It began with heavy kisses, and progessed to-
-Pyrrha snapped the book shut, her face blushing as red as her hair. "W-w-what was that? Why would Blake write that in her journal!?"
-Rewind; Room Javelineer, Day 2-
Jaune looked at the bickering group of people that was supposed to be his team. It was terrible. Of the four pairs that made up the team, a full half of them seemed to be completely dysfunctional, with only Rin's patience keeping it from being worse. Weiss refused to look at him or even talk to her partner after the incident in the infirmary the day before, and was just generally cold to everyone else. Blake was just plain catty with Pyrrha and… wait, make that just catty in general. She refused to engage with anyone except for cuddling him, and she spent most of her time with her face hidden by a book.
Pyrhha had almost the opposite problem. She tried to engage with everyone, but never did so genuinely. After about a minute, she would put up a photogenic façade and feed them whatever they wanted to hear. No one ever looked behind the façade of the Invincible Girl, and she didn't give anyone the chance, outside of him.
Not that the rest of the team were amazing paragons of the social values either. Ruby was eager to make new friends, but she was so awkward. Yang was playing the overprotective big sister in overdrive, and the revelation that she had teamed up with Cherri made everyone afraid to speak with her, lest they suffer her shipping wrath.
"Jaune-Jaune!" Nora landed on his back from the rickety extension they had made to the top bunk. "What should we do Fearless Leader? Should we do some team bonding? Wrestling? Play a game? Build a tree for your sloth sister to sleep in? Play parcheesi? Oooh, Cheesy Pancakes! Can you make us cheesy pancakes? Please?" The ginger zoomed over to where Rin was slumped. "Rin, can we have cheesy Pancakes? It'll be an after-class treat! It can be a new meal and everything! We'll open a restaurant and name it that! It'll replace the Beacon Café! We'll make millions and then we can buy that sloth preserve you always wanted!"
As Nora continued to rattle on, Jaune's mind finally caught up to what was said. "A team building exercise just might be what we need. But what should it be? Team combat? No, that would just isolate Pyrrha more. Something a bit more non-competitive? No, then they'd just refuse to work together, or partner with other people… Wait I have just the idea."
-45 Minutes of Scrolltube videos Later-
There it was, the perfect idea. It was safe, only mildly humiliating, and led them to think that any repairs in their relation would be their own doing. Now he just needed the support from the other male on his team and- "A blindfolded obstacle course? Jaune, you really don't want to see what Nora does when she's blindfolded."
"Rin, I need something to get them working together, and this has the least chance of permanent damage. I feel like Nora's going to be a danger no matter what the activity is. Unless you'd prefer to be the blindfolded one and have Nora guide you?" "Okay, there's some arm twisting required, but it's a good idea!"
Rin just groaned and placed her head down on the desk.
"That's what I thought. Now, I'll need you help," Jaune paused as he caught a whiff of himself, "but shower first. Actually, why don't you join me." "This is a thing guys do together to bond, right?"
Rin's head tilted to look at him without raising.
"Everyone else but us has already taken theirs after combat class, and our showers are made for multiple people, so it'd be a waste not to. Plus, we're teammates, so it won't be weird." "Curse my sheltered upbringing! Why was male bonding ever even mentioned… wait, Jirai is a pervert and doesn't do guy-on-guy… Yeah, that explains it."
"Jaune, do you even know what you're asking?"
"What? It's just a shower. Our team is already co-ed, and the gym showers are shared anyway; it can hardly be worse than that. Or are you worried Nora will get jealous?"
Rin rose resignedly. She would let him find out the error of his ways on his own.
-Showers-
"This is way more awkward than I expected…" Jaune and Rin stood in the shower, backs to each other, swimsuits on, considering vows of silence. "Should I turn around, make some comment on his body? No, that's the sort of thing my sisters would do; I need to do the opposite. Not that I could do what they would in this situation; I don't have a measuring tape, and I'm not really that interested in another guy's sizes. Have a heartfelt talk? That seems safe, did that with the girls before they were adopted." "You know, I've never really had the chance to do something like this…" He could feel Rin's eyes focus on his back. "Just be… one of the guys, so to speak, just be normal. I'd pushed myself to be a leader, to live up the legacy of my family." There was an increase in the intensity of the ninja's gaze. "I can't help but think that I've made things way harder for myself. Now I'm surrounded by crazy girls, who are all really sexy, and I'd totally date any of them, if they weren't so intense about it! I'm kind of jealous that you only have to satisfy Nora, as hyper as she is…"
Rin said nothing, and Jaune started to panic. "I didn't mean to insinuate anything, if you aren't really together- together. You just seemed so close that I assumed-"
Rin raised a gentle voice, and Jaune was struck by how soft it really was. "Nora is… a very close friend, and I expect to stay with her for life, but she has some… misunderstandings… to work through. She's convinced that children are the essence of a relationship."
"That doesn't sound too bad-"
"She plans to share me with whatever boy manages to get her interest, so we'll never be separated."
"Nora has friend-zoned him that much!? She doesn't even think of him as a man!" Jaune turned around and immediately locked eyes with his teammate. He placed one hand on his heart and the other on Rin's shoulder. He then proceeded to swear a solemn oath, "I will do everything in my power to help you."
Music began playing outside, and rose petals floated in through the open door and over the heads of the observers as the two stood across from each other. Jaune threw his arms wide to give his new soul friend a manly hug.
"Boop." Then Nora appeared from the ceiling and laid her claims on the noses of her two subjects.
"Nora-"
"Jauney!" Jaune was struck with a wave of nostalgia as he was caught in another crushing hug along with Rin, and had his face smashed into a kiss with the hyper-energetic ginger. He took a moment to appreciate his situation, along with its marshmallow perks, since he couldn't escape. Then he realized that something was off.
It was a three-way hug. Nora was off to the side. Rin was in front. Therefore… "Rin has boobs. She is girl, I am idiot. And Nora was right there most of that time, wasn't she? Which means…"
His head was jerked away and smashed into a kiss with Rin. "He tastes like pancakes, doesn't he, Rin! The sister sloth didn't mention that, maybe that's part of his semblance! Pancake semblance? Wait! When you two have kids, does that mean they'll be the greatest pancake chefs ever! Come on Fearless Leader! We need to get you in shape if you're going to take care of our babies!"
As Nora carried him away, he had two thoughts. One, he realized that Rin had set him up, and he was now stuck keeping Nora occupied as her boyfriend/ babysitter, mostly the same thing when it came to the Valkyrie. The second thought was modest relief that he had leaned to never assume privacy, otherwise Nora would be dragging him to the weight room completely naked.
-Two Hours Later-
"Aww, he's broken." Nora bounced on the blonde to test for a reaction, but only received a pained groan. Perhaps doing her own weight lifting while using herself as the weight for him was too much to start with? "Come on, it's time for supper! They'll run out of pancakes if you don't hurry! Then the syrup will be all alone, and Ursas will attack the cafeteria, and…" Jaune groaned and tried to get up, but Nora hadn't budged from her seat from his chest. "…Then the Rin-Rin laziness disease will mutate into a new type of grimm…" Jaune twitched his arms and gave a little whimper. Gathering all his remaining strength, he attempted to push his tormentor off of him. It didn't work, but it at least caught her attention. "That's the spirit Jaune-Jaune! Another round! Earn the pancakes!"
In a rare turn of events, one of his sisters actually saved him from a girl's ministrations. "Aura… red." Such a shame that it was Cassandra; the diminutive sloth faunus was effectively incapable of doing anything physical to help. The best he could hope for would be some good advice, which Nora would likely not heed. "Give… this. Make… rest" And the worst would be that. Never let her near an unconscious body.
Of course, Nora didn't know or care about that. "Down the hatch!"
As darkness drew around Jaune, he sent a silent prayer that Cassandra still hadn't figured out how to make someone sleep talk…
-Ocean of Plot-Bunnies-
Jaune once again found himself across the table from the vaguely omnipotent figure that could grant him phenomenal cosmic powers. This time, though, he found the man much more difficult to take seriously with a rabbit sitting on his head.
"Don't laugh. The management of plot bunnies is serious business. How am I supposed to focus on one story when an entirely different one is too good to not write?"
"…I have no idea what you're talking about, and it doesn't help me take this more seriously."
With a huff, the author put on a top hat over the rabbit. Jaune tried to withhold a snicker when he noticed the rabbit's ears still sticking out through the hat. The man shot him a warning glare. "You think this is funny now, but you probably won't when it happens to you in two or three chapters; then I'll have my sweet vengeance."
"You're going to make me take up writing? No thanks, Jirai has that covered."
The big O gave a derisive snort. "You think too small and plain, this version of you would be a terrible author. No, you're going to be turned into a bunny boy."
"That… doesn't seem possible…"
"You forget two very important things. 1) I'm the author of your life, and I can do whatever I want. 2) your semblance is a strange and magical thing that can be stretched to accomplish all sorts of interesting scenes."
"So, are you going to tell me what it is, or just keep rattling on about how great it is?"
"Nah, more fun to leave you in the dark. Plus, you haven't done anything really interesting to earn a favor from me. Try giving a harem set-up speech to a pair of your feuding partners and then we'll talk."
"One last question. Are you just a dream that that Cassandra is manipulating, because this seems like something she would do."
"I thought of leaving that up to the readers, but then I decided it would be better to play this straight. She's far too busy enjoying your hands, anyway. Letting her control your dreams AND sleepwalking body would just be silly. Know what, it'll be better to just show you. Plus, you need to have that heartfelt discussion with your team. Now then… Un-sleep!"
-Dinner Table-
"What were you thinking! What are you doing?" Pyrrha's indignant shout jerked him awake, and he quickly took in the situation. His hands were on his Cassandra's back, giving a massage, while seven other copies were at the whims of his sisters and teammates. Vell was relaxing on an adjacent massage mat overseeing the copies she had made, and she took charge of answering the objection.
"Just enjoying the benefits of our boyfriend. You can join, so long as you share."
Nora chimed in while syrup wrestling one of the copies. "Come to the Harem, we have pancakes! And sloths! And Jaune! And Pancakes! And- Ooh, the chair! Thanks Yang!" The previously mentioned Jaune winced as the hyperactive girl broke the metal folding chair over the copy's back.
He searched frantically for Rin, so that the girl could help restrain her partner. Unfortunately, the Mistrali ninja was far too occupied enjoying her own benefits; napping while soaking in a mineral bath and enjoying a facial. Weiss was off in a corner, doing her best to restrain a blush as a copy gave a foot rub, and most of the rest of the team were in similar situations. That left Blake and Pyrrha as the only two girls opposed to the current situation.
"You can't force him to do this, he has a right to choose! You can't just assume-"
"Oh, he enjoys it. So long as you really want him to answer he'll tell you whatever you want." Vell gave a wink, obviously trying to communicate something that Jaune was completely missing. "You don't have any grounds to tell us to stop either; you aren't his girlfriend."
The champion jerked back as if slapped. Her eyes wandered over to the young Arc. He waved off her concern. "Pyrrha, don't worry about me; I can tell you mean well but I don't want you to hurt yourself trying to fulfill my crazy sisters' demands. I don't want to date you just to date you; I want to actually get to know you."
The words struck a cord in the amazon's heart, and her face lit up red. Words formed in her mouth, but tripped over themselves.
Then Blake interrupted the moment. She pushed the red-head to the side and pushed a set of clothes into his hand. "Jaune, partner trip. The newest Ninjas of Love is out."
Jaune didn't miss a beat. "Of course Partner; just give Pyrrha and I a minute to get ready."
The black ninja quirked an eyebrow with an unspoken question.
Jaune stalled for time by making an ostentatious show of putting both legs in the pants at the same time. "Well, she is your partner too, and I think you'll find that you could enjoy having her around if you give her a chance."
Blake gave her female partner a glare before walking out of the door. Jaune immediately followed with the air of a man who recognized that there was no escaping his fate and ready to enjoy what he could of it. Pyrrha followed three steps behind in an uncertain daze.
-Vale-
"I'm not sure why, but there's something about this that makes me uncertain that this is actually moving their relationship in a positive direction…" The trip didn't exactly get off on the right foot. The airship ride was spent cuddling with Blake to stave off airsickness, and Pyrrha sat awkwardly across from them and watched with a steadily increasing blush. The cat faunus had noticed; and was exploiting the champions discomfort as a sort of blackmail. Blake had taken to ordering the red-head like a pet, and would amp up the intensity of her advances with Jaune until she received obedience from the embarrassed champion. Something needed to be done.
"Blake, Pyr, we need to talk." The two girls turned to him; Blake with one hand in his, and the other holding a stick of grilled tuna, and Pyrrha with her arms loaded with books and bags. He sent a silent prayer to the Narrator to at least get something good out of this. "Both of you are precious to me. I hold you both as my partners, even if Ozpin doesn't. I don't want anything to come between us; any of us. I want all of us to be completely honest with ourselves and each other." He gave a pointed glare at Blake with those words.
The cat didn't give anything away, but Pyrrha was blushing and squirming. With her face as red as her hair, she squeaked out a confession only intelligible to the faunus. "Umm Ikindof reallylikeyou becauseyoutreatme likeanormalgirl, butitfeelsreallyweird whenIseeyouwithanothergirl, andit makesmehappy seeingyouhappy and…"
Jaune had no idea what to do. He was trying to build trust by having Blake reveal her faunus ears, but now Pyrrha was the one confessing… something… that he couldn't tell, but Blake was really excited about something in that confession. "I guess the only thing to do is offer friendzone-level romantic platitudes until I can figure out what she's saying."
He took a step to wrap an arm around the champion, but the black cat bad luck struck. Rather than smoothly wrapping her in a hug, he ended up pushing both girls into a convenient dark alley and tumbled in after them.
"Okay, play it cool. That was totally intentional, and you just wanted privacy to expose Blake as a faunus. In other news, Blake has really nice hair, and there is a fifty percent chance that I'm going to lose this hand, so I may as well enjoy it. Wait, No! Stay on topic! Remove her bow. This to build their cooperation! It's for their good!" "Pyrrha, there's something you need to know. Blake is a faunus." His hand regretfully moved to revoke her ribbon, but the target of his revelation was quickly distracted away from the reveal.
"And is better than you in every way." Blake reciprocated his action by grabbing his hair and drawing him into a passionate kiss.
Pyrrha didn't notice the faunus ears poking out of her teammate's hair. Rather, the champion was watching them kiss and trying to unravel the knot of her feelings. "I want more, but I don't know what I want. I want Jaune, but I also want him to be happy… My chest feels tight, but there's an itch. Am I jealous of her? Is this what love feels like? Could I really steal Jaune from her? Would that make him happy?"
"You'll be good, won't you Pyrrha?" Blake was swimming with ideas. So many more scenes were now possible! All it would take was some educational lessons, and she's have her perfect escapist fantasy brought to life. "Jaune. We're going costume shopping."
"Wait, what's going on? What did she say? Why are you encouraging this?! Wait! Blake, not here!"
Blake turned her head to address the stone still champion. "Watch. This is how you let a guy know you want him. If you can't do this, you should step down. But then you have to watch and be a good girl when someone else does stake a claim."
Pyrrha squeaked out another barely coherent ramble, and Blake took that as her cue. She placed her hands on both sides of the blonde's head and drew close. Jaune drew back. "Blake, as beautiful as you are, and as much as I would love to be in a relationship with you, this is moving way too fast for me." "Two truths and a half-truth." "Could you please tell me what's going on?"
The black themed girl stared deep into his cobalt eyes. "Jaune, you either have to go along with this, or explain fetishes to the Invincible Girl."
Jaune relented and placed a peck on the corner of his partner's mouth. Satisfied that he was willing, Blake tightened the ribbons she had been wrapping around him and went to work making sure that Jaune fully knew how much she wanted him.
-Chapter 7 Done-
This is turning out to be much more serious than I had planned it to be. I'm not sure if that is a good or bad thing. Things are happening for reasons other than the lolz, people are actually reading the author notes, and Twilight is still terrible. At least some things stay consistent.
I know that promising content for the next chapter is a dangerous thing, but I obviously haven't learned my lesson. Next chapter will feature Truth or Dare, and my take on the Jaundice chapters. Spoilers, Jaune isn't allowed to choose his own friends because he has terrible taste.
'Til then, NoctisxSol Signing off.
