A/N: This turned out to be a long chapter with no good place to truncate it, so I hope you don't mind a longer Friday read and as always hope that you enjoy.

Chapter 13: Charles

I was devastated to see her so distressed, and no wonder that she was after seeing her driver being shot dead, his blood smearing all over her and then fearing for her own life. I did not dare to take the initiative to hold her, but when she asked me it was all I wanted. Hold her and keep her safe. She felt so small and fragile in my arms, and she smelled so amazing. It felt so good I never wanted to let her go. When she let her lips touch mine it was a total shock, like someone had used a stun gun and electrified me. It took every ounce of self-discipline I had, not to let my lips crash down on hers and kiss her with the intensity of all the emotions I had inside me, but I could not do it for so many reasons. I could not allow myself to blur the lines more than I already had, if I got involved with her I would not be able to keep my head clear and protect her as she had to be protected. I could not imagine stepping down either, now that she needed me most. Secondly, I did not think she really wanted it. She was apparently in an emotional turmoil after the day and in need of closeness and physical contact to comfort her, but that was not the same thing as really wanting me. I could not take advantage of something she would for sure regret when she came to her senses. I did not want to be her mistake, the mere thought of it made me feel sick. Lastly, I was not sure where I had her. I had been told by people I normally trusted that she was dangerous, and I had been asked to spy on her. That made me wonder if my judgement had been clouded when it came to her because my attraction to her was so strong. I needed to keep my head cool and find out. But it was hard. It felt all wrong to let her go, to see the expression of disappointment and embarrassment over the rejection on her face. To walk out of that room and leave her alone was one of the hardest things I have ever done.

A week earlier, I had been called to a meeting with CSI Lorraine Craddock. When I arrived there Monday morning, I was still in a great mood after the previous Friday evening with Molly. It was increasingly difficult to think of her as anything else than Molly, the girl in West Ham t-shirt who I wanted to smile at me again. When I dreamt of her she was not the unapproachable Home Secretary, and I dreamt of her both when I was sleeping and when I was awake. The meeting with Lorraine abruptly woke me up from that reverie and made me realise how far I had strayed from being professional. When I arrived at Lorraine's office she was not alone, but unexpectedly had the company of Anne Sampson. As far as I knew she had never set foot here in this office before so something extraordinary must be going on. Yet, I was surprised over the direction the conversation took when Lorraine started talking.

"Stephen Hunter-Dunne, the Director General of the Security Service… How many times would you say the Home Secretary has met with him in the last weeks?

"Errrrm… I have not kept count, Ma'am."

Now Anne Sampson chimed in.

"They're having almost daily conferences without me, isn't it so? They're obviously keeping me out of the loop. Why?"

I was totally perplexed.

"I'm never in those meetings, it's just the two of them so I wouldn't know", I said honestly and wondered where this was going.

"I'm worried about what the two of them are plotting. I know Stephen is way too eager to take over the investigation of the 1st October attack and I'm not sure she will deny him that. And this RIPA-18 which they both are advocating…"

I knew she did not, but it would feel like a betrayal to say that as she had told me in confidence.

"… it will give Stephen and her access to an unlimited amount of information that could be used for unknown purposes.

"Ma'am?" Still I did not understand the purpose of this conversation.

"We think she is a dangerous politician, and the combination of the two of them even more worrysome. We need to keep a close eye on her and her activities. This is where you come in. You know everyone she meets, when, where, how long. We want you to keep us updated."

My eyes shifted to Lorraine, was she in on this plan?

"You want me to spy on her? Is that it?" I asked straight out, all this gave me a very uneasy feeling in the stomach. She was the last person I would like to spy on.

Lorraine had the decency to at least look a little bit embarrassed.

"Spy is a bit exaggerated maybe, but to be alert and let us know what you see."

"Isn't that just semantics? It sounds a whole lot like spying to me. I have got my duties as PPO, I would rather stick to those."

Anne Sampson stepped forward.

"Oh, I see. She's got you wrapped around her finger, hasn't she? Of course, she would want to keep you close to her, or at least make you feel that way, make you feel special, to ensure you are loyal to her – but remember that this is a job, and we are your employer first hand, not her. Remember where your loyalties should be."

Now I felt my own cheeks burning. She had made me feel like we had a special connection, but could Anne be right, and it was just part of a strategy to ensure my loyalty? To ensure that I would not spill information she did not want me to?

"We're expecting to get weekly updates, James", Lorraine stated.

That was the end of the discussion. If I had not had feelings for Molly, I think I would have pushed back further. Now I did not trust myself, that my judgement was not blurred and the last thing I wanted was that they got suspicious about any feelings from my end, so I reluctantly accepted.

It was with heavy steps I returned to the Home Office. I realised that to be able to follow this order, and find out if Molly was indeed who they feared, I would need to take a big step back in the relationship we had developed. If I had been a full-fledged spy I would of course cold-heartedly had used that closeness to gain information from her, but I was not. I was an army officer, turned police but not a spy. I did not have it in me to use the trust of someone I liked in that way, so if I was to succeed in following this order at all I would have to try to shut off the feelings I had and keep my distance to her. I hated it. When she looked at me and smiled and I did not return it, I saw surprise and possibly hurt pass over her face. I knew she did not let her guard down for many, and she had with me that evening in her sofa. She must wonder what was happening now even if she just needed someone to confide in, relax with and did not feel the same as I. Or had it all just been part of a devious game from her end? Was she that deceptive? A sociopath, like Chantal had claimed. I hated my job that morning, and I hated it every day thereafter, because I had to be different to her than I wanted to. I had to distrust her and look for signs that she was up to something untoward. It felt like a betrayal to her, when she up to now never had done anything that in my eyes justified spying on her. Of course, now that Lorraine and Anne had pointed out to me that it was irregular that she had private meetings with Stephen Hunter-Dunne, I noticed how frequent they were and wondered what they were about. She did not disclose a word about it.

Now, this latest development, the attack… I could not make the pieces of the puzzle fit. Someone was after her. Was it because she was somehow a threat? Or because someone hated her for her political views? Or had it only been the action of a madman? A disturbingly well-equipped and skilled madman in that case, able to hit his target with precision from a long distance. I had seen his face after killing him. He looked like a Caucasian, like any English bloke. Of course, he could have been radicalised somehow, but I instinctively doubted that he had any relation to the 1st October bombers and their accomplices. Who else would want her dead? It had disturbed me too that it had taken assistance so long to reach us. Was she right that someone could have held resources back on purpose with the hope that the sniper would succeed? Whoever was after her, if there was someone beside this assassin out there, I intended to make sure they did not succeed. My superiors could force me to spy on her, but protect her I would anyway.

After the attack, I had expected that she might take a few days off, but she seemed determined to get back to work immediately. To Rob McDonald's concerned question if she really should, she just answered;

"No, I don't want to take a few days off. I have work to do and I need to keep myself occupied, keep my mind distracted from what happened, or I'll go mad."

For once, Rob and I seemed to agree that it would have been better for her to stay out of the lime-light for a while, to allow herself a break and recover, but she would not have it.

When we arrived to the Home Office, a group of journalist were waiting and she gave a brief interview – inside the doors, in the entrance, where she would be safe.

"Home Secretary, is there a concern you're still a target?"

"For security reasons I'm afraid I can't disclose any specifics."

She was good at avoiding giving out information when she did not want to. Maybe, she was hiding more from me than I had thought.

"Any comments on the assassination attempt?"

"Only that I'm extremely grateful for the swift and courageous actions of the police and security services and I'm deeply thankful there weren't more casualties than there was. One was one too many and my thoughts go to his family."

"How are you feeling, Home Secretary?"

"I'm feeling ready to resume my work."

But when she and I went up the elevator, in the silence with no one else around I heard her take deep breaths and glancing at her out of the corner of my eye, I saw that she closed her eyes and clenched her fists. In that moment, she did not seem ready to resume her work at all, but as soon as the doors opened, she straightened her back and pulled herself together, showing nothing as she exited. She had an impressive poker face, it could almost compete with mine.

She had a private meeting scheduled with Anne Sampson before lunch. Through the window glass, I could see on Anne's face that Molly was saying something which upset her enormously. In fact, she looked furious and when the meeting was over she stormed out without giving me any look of recognition. Later that afternoon I was called to Lorraine's office again.

Lorraine greeted me, and I noticed that Anne was again present, now a calmer version of her than earlier.

"Sergeant James, come in, sorry to keep you waiting. As you can imagine, it's pretty hectic around here following the attack on the Home Secretary."

"Any progress, Ma'am?"

"Not much yet. The shooter remains unidentified and we don't know if he was acting alone. However, we have called you here as a follow-up to our previous meeting. Do you have anything to report?"

"She did meet with Stephen-Hunter Dunne on one occasion, otherwise nothing that would raise any suspicion what so ever."

"You already know that I met with her today", Anne Sampson said. "She informed me she is now overruling me, or SO15. She's taking the 1st October attack off us and let Stephen and the Security Services take the lead in the investigations."

She shook her head and seemed so upset she found it difficult to speak.

"This is unjustified, unprecedented. She is a very dangerous politician. A politician that has to be stopped."

"Stopped in what way, Ma'am?" I asked, hearing the provoking tone in my own voice.

"I will ignore what I think you might be implying, Sergeant James. I mean stopped in the way that we need to collect more information about what she is up to and, if needed, stop her from doing it – not causing harm to her. Is that understood?"

"I wasn't implying anything, Ma'am." But I guess that I had been really, and I still was not sure if I could trust Anne Sampson. I was not sure if anyone could be trusted anymore, except myself.

"Look, Sergeant James. We find ourselves in a situation where the country's risk level is critical. Over that last months, there has been three attacks – to the train, to the school and to the Home Secretary, we don't know if they are related. In addition, we don't know if the Home Secretary and Stephen Hunter-Dunne can be trusted or if they are resorting to unacceptable methods because they think the situation motivates it. Or actually we do, overruling the police in the way they do now is unacceptable. We must gain intelligence to finds out what is going on and maybe prevent it, even if it means unusual methods."

I wanted to ask if we then were any better than the people she said she wanted to protect the country and the public from, but I kept my mouth shut and she continued.

"I understand that she thinks well of you and arranged for you to return when you were assigned to desk job after the school attack. After your excellent actions during this latest attack, I assume she will hold you in even higher regard. That allows you to be close to her…."

If she only knew how close, dangerously close. Closer than I could allow myself to be.

"As you know we have arranged to keep her at the Blackwood hotel with an adjoining room. We will be expecting that you stay there for much of the time. My surveillance team will provide you with the necessary equipment to monitor her meetings."

"I'm sorry, Ma'am, do you mean eaves-dropping to what's being discussed when I'm not allowed in the room?"

"You can call it that if you wish, or you can call it obtaining necessary information. If Stephen Hunter-Dunne or any of his lackeys come to see her, I want to know what is being said."

I wondered if this was lawful, but I let that part be her responsibility, however, my stomach cringed at the thought of doing this to Molly.

"If you hesitate to do this, we will have to replace you", Lorraine warned. "And I could also mention that we may need to review the need for your son and ex-wife to stay in the safe-house. As you know we have limited resources in that aspect and constantly need to review who is most in need…"

A very poorly disguised threat, or maybe extortion was a more fitting description.

"I'll do it", I interrupted her. Defeated. I did not want to leave Molly's side and I would not do anything that could jeopardise the safety of Sam and Rebecka. I had to do what they asked of me.

Already that evening, positioned in the hotel room next to Molly's, I unpacked the equipment and tried it out even if I knew she was not in a meeting, just to check if it worked. There was a door connecting the two rooms, which only could be opened if it was unlocked from both ends. It was the best surface to listen through as it was thinner than the walls, so I held the device too it. At first, I heard nothing, it was just quiet in the other room, no TV or music on. Then I heard her cry, sobbing loudly. I could not bear listening for long, because it made me want to knock on that door, so she would open and let me in so I could take her in my arms. Even if I did not know if she was to be trusted, I could not get rid of those feelings and it made me feel powerless and frustrated not to be able to be there for her.

Next day, however, Stephen Hunter-Dunne came by for a meeting in her room and reluctantly I assembled the equipment again and listened in. What I heard, confirmed the feeling I had had that Anne Sampson and Lorraine Cradock had been mistaken about Molly all along.

"I hope you are pleased Stephen, that you were allowed to take lead of the 1st October attack investigation as you wished." She sounded tired yet sharp.

"I am, Ma'am."

"Well, I'm not. I think this is wrong, completely wrong. I happen to agree with Anne Sampson that this is setting a dangerous precedent. I was forced by the PM to agree to this, but it's against my will. I want to make that perfectly clear to you. I expect you to be completely transparent in keeping both me and Anne Sampson updated on any progress, or the methods you use for that matter."

"It almost seems like you don't trust me, Home Secretary."

"I'm not sure if I do, Stephen. You clearly went behind my back and talked to the PM and agreed on this action plan, so no, I don't trust you. I hope you get to the bottom of the attack, but I want to be kept in the loop and I don't want any foul methods. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

I thought I heard a hint of disdain in his voice, even if the words were courteous enough. Then he left.

I sat down on the bed to think through what I just heard, and actually, recorded as per the orders I had gotten. This was proof that it had not been Molly's idea or even will to remove the 1st October attack investigation from SO15's table. Stephen's wish had been granted by the PM himself, not by her. She was against it but had been overrun. I also knew that Molly was against the regulation that would give the Security Service access to more information about the public, meanwhile it was supported by the PM. What was this leading up to? I felt relief over her confirmed innocence and would report during the next meeting with my superiors. This was information I did not want to share over the phone.

Two days later, Molly was scheduled to hold a speech at St. Matthews College. I adviced against it, given the current situation when the threat level to her was still high, and would remain so until we had ruled out that the assassin had not been acting alone. But she insisted;

"I can't lock myself up, then I'll be dead as a politician anyway. There is nothing to discuss."

All we could do, was sigh, accept and ensure that security was high.

Before she went in front of the audience, she and I had been referred to an office behind the auditorium. Even if she had insisted firmly on doing this, I could tell she was very nervous. Her appearance was composed as ever, dressed in suit and an immaculate blouse, the hair in the perfect bun that was her signature, but her legs were moving nervously, and her hands held a tight grip around the edges of the chair seat. I pulled over another chair to sit next to her, close to her and looked her in the eyes, her beautiful green eyes.

"Are you okay?"

"I don't know how to deliver this speech… I don't believe in what I'm intended to say. It's all supposed to be pro-RIPA-18, backing up the PM, leaving no one in doubt that I'm behind this regulation and him", she blurted out.

"But you aren't! Maybe it's time to say that? There are so many out there who are against it, maybe if a politician like yourself spoke up, others would follow. Maybe you can stop this."

"The PM would never forgive me… It would be the end of my career."

"Maybe not, if enough people agree with you it might be the end of his instead."

"I don't know if I have the courage."

"Molly…" She looked surprised that I spoke her first name, I never had before, but I just continued.

"… what I've seen of you… It seems important to you to be true to yourself, to act in line with your beliefs. I think it's time you do in this case and I don't think it will hurt you. On the contrary."

"I'm terrified!"

"If you go out there, I think you should say things you believe in even if it scares you. That said, you don't have to do this at all if you don't want to, you know. You could cancel.", I said softly.

When she answered, her voice sounded like she was close to tears.

"Oh, but I do. I have to be visible, and I can't show fear – then they have won."

I was not sure if 'they' meant the terrorists or the PM and Penhaligon, or all of them.

"Are you sure, maybe everyone would understand?"

"I don't think so, people don't tend to be forgiving towards female politicians."

She had a point there, I knew that.

"Okay, so you'll do it, but you don't have to worry. You'll be safe. I'm here and the whole place is swarmed by the Security Service."

As we spoke my body had acted without the approval of my brain and now I found myself holding her hand. She looked down on them, her small hand and my larger one touching but did not retract hers. Instead we laced our fingers together and I could not keep myself from letting my thumb stroke gently over her knuckles.

"I wish I had not met you like this", she said. Then looked up at me, her eyes damp.

"What?"

"I wish I had met you under other circumstances, when you weren't my bodyguard and I wasn't your job."

I wished that too, but before I could answer anything to that, someone was at the door handle and we let go of each other's hands like they were burning before the door opened. Rob looked in, briefly frowned at that we were sitting so close but just said;

"It's time to get on stage."

She gave me one last look, then went on stage and I took my place on the side of it. Kept my eyes on the room but listened to her. She started talking about how the RIPA-18 would be a step in the right direction to fight terrorism, to prevent threats, but she did not sound as passionate as she usually did when delivering speeches. Her voice became weaker and weaker and then she stopped speaking altogether. The audience started to mumble and wriggle in their chairs, she just stared at them silently while seconds went by very slowly. Then she turned her head, looked straight at me. I gave her an encouraging smile and a nod, then she took a deep breath and turned her gaze back to the audience. When she spoke, her voice was stronger again, and grew stronger as she continued to speak. Now with conviction.

"You know what, I can't do this. I can't stand her saying things I don't believe in, lie to you. I became a politician because I wanted to make a difference, because I wanted to make this world better for common people, allow everyone to have a fair chance. I have always tried my best to act in line with my beliefs, but sometimes you have to make compromises as a politician. However, when it comes to the RIPA-18, I feel I have compromised too much, lost myself, fallen for the pressure instead of speaking my own mind – but I can't do that anymore."

There was more mumble in the audience, but of another kind than before, alert, curious what she had to say.

"I don't believe in the RIPA-18. I don't think it will be good for you, you, or you", she pointed at people in the audience. "Not for anyone! I think it is a dangerous regulation, interfering with common people's privacy and giving the security services access to information they should not have. With such a regulation in place, we can only pray that we have a leadership in this country that would not use the unlimited access to information to their own benefit, for other purposes than preventing terror attacks. That is wrong! And it's why I will vote against this regulation and urge everyone else to do so too."

Her speech was delivered, and she went quiet. For a few seconds it was completely quiet in the room, the mumble had ceased. Then someone hesitantly started clapping their hands, followed by a few more and suddenly the room was filled with loud applause. I felt so proud of her. She looked at me and smiled as the room exploded in applause.

Then it exploded litterally.