Chapter 17: Molly

Next day, Charles suggested that we would go out with the rowboat to try our luck fishing. I had slept badly and was feeling tired and a bit edgy, the recent events were obviously getting to me, so I told him to go fishing himself and stayed on the jetty. I was not in a mood for a fishing lesson.

"Suit yourself, you're missing out on something", he said but made no further attempts to convince me. Maybe he was looking forward to some alone-time in the boat, after all you can get tired of the company of only one person the whole time, even that was not the case for me with him.

I took off my shoes and socks and folded up my trousers to be able to dip my feet in the lukewarm water. I just sat there, enjoyed the stillness, the autumn sun on my face thinking I would probably get new freckles, tried to empty my mind of thoughts. I was beginning to regret not going with him and gazed at the small boat out on the water, where I could see him sitting focused, fishing rod in hand. Then the boat exploded, and I screamed and screamed and screamed.

I woke up from the nightmare screaming for real, did not know where I was in the darkness but felt completely panicked, was shaking and sweating, tears running down my face. Then he was there in a blink, took me in his arms.

"Hush, Molly, hush, it was a dream. Everything's okay."

I clung to him, first unable to speak, then sobbed;

"I dreamed you died. I dreamed the boat exploded with you in it and you were gone."

"But I'm not, I'm here. You're safe. No one knows we're here. No one is going to get you, or me."

I could not stop trembling or crying.

"Come, lay down and I'll hold you."

"It's so embarrassing…"

"No, it's not. Not the least. Do you know how long I had nightmares after Afghan and woke up exactly like this? For a very long time. I still do sometimes. I wish someone would hold me then."

He wrapped me in his arms, held me to him. His body was warm in the special way it is when you sleep. He was dressed only in trunks and held me to his bare chest. I nestled my head to the place between his neck and his collarbone and felt his skin to mine, inhaled his comforting masculine scent deeply and heard his calm heartbeats meanwhile he was stroking my back and my hair.

"It was just a dream", he repeated reassuringly and finally it sank in. Slowly my pulse went back to normal and I stopped trembling, stopped crying, just felt his calming presence and did not want him to disappear.

"I'll stay, just try to fall asleep again."

I could only think how right it felt to lie like this with him, that I always wanted him in my bed and finally I fell asleep again.

When I woke up, the sun was shining, and I was alone in the bed, but I heard him making noise out in the kitchen. The memory of the night came back to me and I could not help feeling embarrassed even if he had told me not to be, so I just stayed there for a while, hiding under the duvet.

"Good morning sleepy head. Breakfast is served."

He said cheerfully and sat down beside me on the bed and I had to look at him. He looked stunning in a grey hoodie and joggers and I could not quite grasp that this man had been holding me through the night, that I had been allowed to be so close to him. Now it was bright day and I was not.

"Good morning… Sorry about last night, I didn't mean to cling to you like a needy octopus."

He laughed at the image but shook his head.

"I told you, no need to be sorry. I know what it's like and it's completely understandable after everything you have been trough. It would be strange if it didn't affect you. When you return to civilisation you should probably see someone to talk about it, to deal with it."

"I don't want to return…"

"No, but we both know you will have to eventually", he said tenderly.

He reached out and pushed away a strand of hair from my face, grazed my cheek briefly in the move. For a second, it looked like he considered to lean in and kiss me but of course he did not. Instead he got up, put his hands in the pockets of his joggers and tilted his head to nod in the direction of the door.

"Let's go have some breakfast. I even bought Coco puffs", he grinned mischievously.

"And you won't let me stay in bed anyway?"

"Correct."

"Okay, if you leave me alone I'll just put some clothes on."

"I almost thought we were past that. After all you have been lying next to me dressed in only that night gown all night, like a… was it needy octopus you said?"

If possible, he was looking even more mischievous now and I was embarrassingly aware of my mum's cotton night gown with a pattern of small rabbits and cloves on. Very far from the sexy silk slip which I would have preferred him to see me in if he was to see me in sleeping attire at all. I threw a pillow his direction, but he skilfully avoided it.

"Just go, will you?"

"As you wish."

When I came out to the kitchen he handed me a cup of coffee.

"Do you have some tea? I'm more of a tea person really?"

He rolled his eyes.

"You're really a high-maintenance girl. Do you know that?"

"Because I want tea instead of coffee?"

"Yeah."

I snorted but was in fact feeling very content despite his comment. I adored to have breakfast with him. Except for the breakfast at mum and dad's, I had not had company for breakfast since the divorce, and rarely before that either to be honest because we were always too busy working. I had not realised I missed it, but now I felt how nice it was. There is something intimate about breakfast compared to other meals, because you normally only share it with those you are close to, like your family or your lover. In this case with my bodyguard, but anyway it was nice.

"What do you want to do today? Are you up for trying fishing?"

I shook my head.

"Not that I don't want to, but my nightmare was just a bit too realistic. Can we wait a day, so it wears off a bit?"

"Of course, we can, and I can check the boat before if that makes you feel more comfortable, but I don't think there's anything to worry about. No one was on our heels when we left. If anything, Lorraine confirmed that when I spoke to her as she was so pissed at me because we had disappeared. It would be very difficult to connect this cottage to me, very few people know of it at all, there are no records that disclose it has anything to do with me. Even Rebecka has never heard of it and I've never taken Sam here because I know he would freak out without TV and wi-fi. You can feel safe here Molly."

"Thanks, but I think I prefer postpone fishing to tomorrow anyway. Could we go for a walk maybe? And just hang out?"

"Of course."

So, after breakfast, we walked along the lake. There were winding narrow paths through the green. Sometimes the vegetation hid the water, but then the water surface broke through between the trees again, shimmering in the sunshine. The only sound to be heard was the birds chirping and our steps and breaking a twig here and there as we moved. It was completely empty of people and very beautiful. I was not a person who ever have gone hiking our spent much time out in the wilderness at all, but I had to admit that being close to nature had a calming effect and right now it suited me perfectly. Especially in the company of him.

For lunch we made sandwiches, then just sat reading outdoors in two loungers and this time I even managed to absorb the plot of the book, at least to some extent even if I glanced at him every now and then where he was lying lazily spread and gorgeous. In the evening we cooked again, and it was all very easy with a banter between us, interrupted by comfortable silence. It was a day of total relaxation and healing, just disconnecting from everything. There was a radio in the cottage, but we did not use it. He asked if I wanted to hear the news, but I said no, not yet. When bedtime approached, I got a little nervous though. More than anything I wanted him to lie down beside me instead of in the sofa bed, but I did not know if I dared to ask.

He seemed to feel a bit awkward to, but finally said;

"Molly… if you want me to, I can sleep beside you. In case you have night mares. Would you want that?"

I supressed a sigh of relief.

"Yes. Yes, I'd like that very much."

And so, we went to bed in the same bed, me in my rabbit night gown, he in t-shirt and trunks. We did not snuggle up close to one another, we lay at some distance, but just the knowledge that he was close gave me calm in my nut and I soon slept like a baby and had a full night's sleep without nightmares. However, when we woke up, we were as close as can be. In our sleep, we had moved close together and spooned with him behind me and his arms around my body, fitting perfectly to one another. We said nothing about it, just moved apart when we woke and went up to have breakfast, pretending it had not happened. But it had.

We agreed that today we would have a try at fishing. To keep me calm, he checked the little rowing boat carefully before we entered it - and it was clean, no explosive devices attached to it. My panic from the dream had vanished completely. My senses told me he was right, there was only us here, no malicious person lurking around in the bushes planning an attack and I finally let go of the feeling from my nightmare.

If the day before had been all about relaxing, just being, this day was all about laughter. When I unsteadily entered the boat and almost plummeted into the water, especially since he was rocking it a bit on purpose just to tease me. Then when he showed me how to put on one of the earthworms we had brought in a small glass jar on the hook and I almost freaked out. It seemed so mean to put a living animal on a hook, even if it only was a worm, to then be eaten by a fish.

"But you have to Molly, that's how fishing is done!"

"I refuse!"

"Then there will be no fish!"

In the end he had to put it on for me. He tried to be patient showing me how to throw the rod out, and I tried his patience again. Partly because it amused me, it did not actually seem that hard.

"No, Molly! Not like that! You will end up putting the hook in my eye if you're not careful. Do I need to show you again?"

"Yes, please."

He moved over, to sit behind me and using his own hands positioned mine in the correct grip and showed me the snappy move. I considered if I should pretend to still not get it, so he would have to show me once more but felt that it might be pushing him too far and also make me come out as a bit sillier than I wished to. After all, I am a smart, independent woman. When he moved away, I instead made a perfect throw and then we sat there fishing for a while, until something suddenly was pulling my float under the water surface and I got all excited.

"I have one, I have one!"

"Pull it in then for Christ's sake!"

I was immensely proud when a fish, or a herring as he told me, landed at my feet, but then totally panicked as it was twitching and gasping in the air and I had no idea what to do with it now.

"It's alive!"

"Of course, it's alive, you just pulled it out of the water. The lake isn't full of dead fish if that was what you thought."

He laughed at my distress.

"Of course, I didn't, but I didn't think it would move this much. What do I do?"

He sighed but smiled too.

"I'll help you."

And he removed it from the hook and broke its neck.

"That's brutal!"

"It's not. You must kill it if you want to eat it and this is the fastest, least painful method. Leaving it in the air until it suffocates would be crueller."

"I don't like it anyway", I sulked.

"Then you should get your fish in the grocery store, maybe in the form of fish fingers so you don't have to acknowledge that has been a living fish at all", he teased.

"So, no fish fingers swimming around in this lake either?" I said with feigned surprise. "What a pity, I think I prefer them to… was it herring you called it?"

"I think I might soon have to lob you out of this boat. You can't seriously prefer fish fingers to herring in any shape or form", he grinned.

"I told you I like junk food. Lots of fish fingers have been consumed in the Dawes household. That's why I'm so intelligent – you know they say eating fish makes you more intelligent?", I grinned back.

"Yeah, but I'm not sure it applies to fish fingers. Herring on the other hand..." He looked sadly at the herring and added; "I'm so sorry you will be wasted on someone who prefers fish fingers."

We continued fishing for a while, although I let him deal with all the ones we pulled up, but when we had enough for our dinner we finished, and he rowed us towards the jetty. I half-way lay down in the bow, clasped my head behind my neck and looked up in the blue sky, just listened to him dipping the oars in the water, then pulling them through it and I glanced at him, performing the move with strength so the boat glided with considerable speed over the surface. Between half-closed eyelids enjoyed seeing his arm muscles play, exposed as he was wearing only t-shirt.

Again, we prepared sandwiches for lunch and ate them outdoors, having a small picnic on a blanket by the lake. He tossed a crumpled napkin on me once he was finished.

"Now, Ms. Dawes, I think it's time for us to go swimming."

"How about you swim, and I watch?"

He cocked an eyebrow;

"You don't think that's a bit pervy? Watching your bodyguard swimming while not doing it yourself."

He got me. With that, it was difficult to abstain from getting into the water and I reluctantly went to get changed, which in this case meant undressing to only underwear and wrap a towel around me. I intended to show myself as little as possible. My bra was fine, it was my own and it was a black satin bra with a thin lace trim. The knickers was mum's, and shall we say covering everything they should in granny style, in other words as unsexy as they could possibly be but good in the way that they were hiding quite much. When I came outside, he had swimming trunks on, obviously he kept a stash here in the cabin. There was no news to it really, I had already seen him in his trunks, so the nearly naked sight of his toned body had no affect at all on me. At least that was what I was telling myself as we walked down to the lake.

"So, will you walk in cowardly from the shore, or will you dive in from the jetty?" he asked.

"Dive." The method which fastest would get me under water from the moment I took the towel off.

"Maybe she knows how to do it after all", he whistled.

"What?"

"Swim! You told me you were a coward but diving in is the bold choice."

Well, that depends on how you see it.

Out on the jetty, I let the towel fall and then rapidly dived into the water. Let myself glide under the surface, holding my breath for as long distance as I could manage, and then emerged again.

He dived in too and was suddenly beside me, his eyes twinkling, water drops in his eye lashes.

"I think you lied to me."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean you're a good diver, so you obviously know how to do this."

"I took a crawling course, okay? When I said I didn't fancy going swimming I just didn't feel like flaunting myself in my underwear."

"But it's only me here, so no harm done."

Again, that depends on how you see it.

"Let's swim."

He knew how to crawl too, and we ploughed the water, silently swimming beside each other, almost competing for a while although I did not really have a fair chance against his stronger strokes. Then we swam back towards the shore and stood panting where the water was a bit shallower and he suddenly caught me off guard splashing water at me. Not a small amount either, more like half a bath tub.

"Oi, you nearly drowned me!"

"Don't be such a pussy."

"You…" I splashed back at him and then there was a full-fledged water fight, where both were trying to splash as much water as possible at the other one while trying to avoid it oneself. I laughed so my stomach hurt at the childish game, and so did he. Then suddenly he sneaked up behind me and wrapped his arms hard around me, locking mine so I could not move them and said with low, husky voice in my ear;

"Now you don't stand a chance."

One moment I felt his wet body pressed to mine and felt myself react to it with a sudden urge, next he had scooped up in his arms, lifted me up high and thrown me into the water, so I was completely under the surface for a few seconds. I took a large involuntary gulp of water and when I resurfaced spit it out and started coughing heavily. He was laughing, looking like a poster boy for swimwear and suddenly it all just became too much for me to take. The strange mix of having so much relaxed fun together, the sudden and strong desire when had held my half-naked body to his in a firm grip, followed by the unexpected dip. I suddenly felt naked, not literally even if I almost was, but I felt like my true feelings were very close to being exposed. Felt that this combination of something that seemed like friendship and the urge to be close to him physically without being able to act on it, was too much to handle anymore. Too strong feelings to keep them repressed in his company.

He was still laughing at his coup.

"Got you, didn't I?"

"I don't want to do this anymore", I whispered between coughs. He had not picked up on my mood shift yet and kept on joking.

"Uhu, is the Home Secretary upset because she lost a water fight? You do know that losing is part of the game, don't you?", he laughed.

I just stared at him and repeated, now with louder voice and without coughing in between.

"I don't want to do this anymore. This game."

As I turned around and hurried out of the water, pulled myself up on the jetty and swept my towel around me, I saw his face now perplexed and serious.

"Molly, come on! It wasn't that bad, was it? You just got a bit wet and I thought we were having fun?"

But I just walked away without saying anything more, walked backed to the cottage and into the bedroom, slammed the door closed behind me. I realised he would think I was angry, even though I was not. I was just too much in an emotional turmoil to be able to stand being with him, having him watch me. That was why I was very alarmed when he opened the door, without knocking, without asking for permission. He stayed leaning in the doorway with the towel around his hips, looking at me questioning.

"Would you mind telling me what's going on, Molly? This must be something bigger than me dropping you in the water?"

"Leave me alone, please."

"No." Instead he came over to sit beside me, disturbingly close, his bare shoulder and arm touching mine. "No, I won't leave you until you tell me what's bothering you."

His voice was soft like velvet but very determined. Why could he not just sod off? There was no way I could explain this to him. Best thing to do now was to start packing and leave this place, so I would not be alone with him anymore, then change bodyguard when I got home. I could not pretend any longer. I turned away from him.

"Just go Charles, I'm not in the mood for sharing my feelings."

It seemed like he would not take no for an answer, though. He reached out his hands to cup my face and make me turn to him again, with his thumbs stroking away a few tears that trailed down my cheeks.

"Please, Molly. Don't shut me out, not after these days. You know you can talk me."

I felt my lower lip shivering stupidly but manged to say.

"No, I can't talk to you. You're the last person I can talk to about this."

He leaned his forehead to mine. Such torture to be this close to him and not be able to cross the line which I desperately wanted to cross, but I would never let myself do that again.

"Why am I the last person you can talk to?"

"For Christ's sake, leave me alone!"

I tried to pull away from him, but he took hold around my shoulders, not hard but firmly.

"I won't. Tell me, Molly. I need to know."

"No, you don't need to know! I'm quite sure you don't want to know, because it would be so fucking awkward to handle that I'm in love with you!"

Frustration made the words slip from my tongue.

"What?!" He looked shell-shocked.

"I'm in love with you", I repeated whispering. "I'm so in love with you that I don't know what to do with myself. So in love with you that it hurts not to be allowed to touch you… and I know you don't want that, so it makes it all wrong."

"You're in love with me?" he repeated with an expression which was difficult to interpret.

"Yes. Now would you leave me alone, so I can bury myself under the duvet and feel totally embarrassed?"

"No."

Instead he took my face between his palms again, and let his lips come crashing down on mine in an intense, breath-taking kiss, then pulled back and looked at me for my reaction. I gasped for air, now the one shell-shocked was me.

"But you don't want this!"

"How do you know what I want?"

"But you rejected me before, in the hotel room, when I tried to kiss you, remember?"

"I could never forget that, I think about it all the time… I didn't reject you because I didn't want it, all I wanted was to kiss you back... but I had to stay focused at protecting you… and I was sure you were just acting on impulse because you had been through something traumatic. I could never take advantage of that…. I was sure you would regret it if anything happened between us, and I could not stand if you would think it a mistake when I knew it would be something important to me. Something I would not want to forget. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"I'm not sure I do…" The circuits of my brain seemed overheated. He was so close that our breaths mingled.

"I'm in love with you too, stupid girl. So in love with you", he whispered and then pressed his lips to mine again, this time softer, careful like he was trying the waters, yet assertive.

I could not believe this was happening, it was totally surreal and too wonderful to be true, but it was happening. Our half-parted lips grazing each other slowly, again and again. It was like caressing each other's mouths, just to try them out before kissing fully again. We did that for long, and meanwhile he nimbly pulled me up on his lap so I straddled him. My towel fell to the floor, but I did not care about my nakedness anymore, now it was what I wanted. To be close to him with as little as possible between us and he convincingly showed me he wanted the same. His hands roamed my back, pressing me to him, moved up to my neck and buried themselves in my damp hair, holding my head steady yet softly when he now kissed me harder, let his tongue into my mouth to explore it. God, he was a fantastic kisser. Then the hands moved down my back again, finding the clasp of my bra and unhooked it, slowly pushed the straps down from my shoulders and to let it come off.

"I think it's for the best that we get you out of these wet clothes, we don't want you to catch a cold", he murmured with his lips to my neck.

That was a very logical and valid reason, but there was no logic involved in the sensations I felt as his hands cupped my cold breasts as if to warm them and caressed the stiff nipples with his thumbs, then to my amazement bent down to catch one of them in his mouth. It felt so ridiculously good that I could not help letting a moan escape me and immediately felt a bit embarrassed at being so easy to please, but he just looked up briefly and gave me a cheeky grin indicating that he appreciated the response, then bent down again and made sure both my breast received an equal amount of attention. Then I just let go and enjoyed it fully, holding his head there and let my hands run through his locks, pressed my crotch to his and revelled in feeling that his excitement was becoming impressively apparent down there.

"I think I've heard that especially wet bikini bottoms should come off as quickly as possible to avoid urinary infection…"

He slid a finger inside the lining of my ugly knickers, creating a ripple of lust between my legs.

"And that is your only motive for taking them off?" I whispered in his ear, the nibbled his earlobe which provoked a low groan from him.

"Absolutely, no other motives here. Only concern for our health."

"Then I'd better do as you say."

Still we kept on kissing for at least a minute, unwilling to break from each other even briefly, but finally I stood in front of him and while planting kisses on my belly he helped me tug off the little garment which showed annoying resistance, getting stuck on my hips because it was wet. When it was off, he stood as well, and we repeated the exercise with his bathing trunks who were equally uncollaborative. When they were finally off, I could conclude that every single part of him was as perfect as those I had already seen on a daily basis. How could any man be this perfect? His only flaws, if one could call them that, was one scar on his stomach, another on his calf, since long healed and faded, but the skin having a different texture to it than the rest, smoother, hairless and I reached out my hand to run my fingers softly over the one on the stomach.

"What did you do?"

"I was hit by a bullet, in Afghan. It was a really serious injury, I had to be medevac'd, was resuscitated a couple of times and it took multiple surgeries before I was stabilised. I don't want to think about it now."

He looked down on my fingers tracing the borders of the scar, then I placed both my palms flat to his stomach and let them run upwards to feel the uneven surface resulting from his lean muscles and up to his chest, holding them still there on the taut surface and stepping in to kiss him. He let his hands slide down my back, reaching for my arse and decidedly pulled me to him. No space between us, skin to skin, the sensation of pulsating body heat. I do not think I had ever been so excited, this was so far from any pre-marital fumbles I had had and even further from the stiff intercourses that had been Roger's style of having sex. This was pure arousal.

"Shit, Molly", he suddenly sounded alarmed. "I don't have a single condom here, I never expected…"

"Don't worry…" I laughed between kisses. "I'm on the pill."

"Thank god, I don't know how I would have stopped now." He sat back on the bed again and pulled me with him, so I again straddled him.

"Me neither…"

Especially not now when his hand found his way between my legs, to the place where I most needed it to be and… oh, he was good at this, such amazingly skilful fingers. Not that I needed to be further excited really, my body was so ready for him, but it was marvellous. I touched his hardness, he seemed to be as ready as could be too, which he confirmed in his next breath;

"I want you Molly, I don't think I can wait any longer", nibbling my earlobe and then swiftly, with a firm hold around my hips moved me to lie down on the bed and came over me. He paused, his face a few inches above mine.

"You're so beautiful… so amazing… and I've wanted this for so long."

My happiness and desire knew no limits in that moment. With my hands I pulled his mouth to me in a kiss, with my legs wrapped around him pulled his hips to mine and we both wriggled a bit, so he ended up where we both wanted him to be, so, so much. A little resistance when he first thrust, but then he was inside me. We stopped there for a few seconds to just feel it, feel the coupling in all its gloriousness while smiling with lips touching each other. Then we began rocking our bodies slowly at first, building up to a pace where he was stroking inside me faster and harder until it was so good it was almost unbearable… and then there was a point when it was, unbearable, earth-shattering, and I heard myself screaming his name, and he groaned mine as he released inside me with one last hard thrust. So amazing, total fulfillment. He collapsed on top of me and we lay there breathing heavy and rapid, then slower, coming down to earth again and I stroked his smooth back softly with my fingers.

"What did you just do to me Molly? I think I nearly died there for a while, from pure bliss."

He had raised his head, so his warm brown eyes looked into mine.

"Well… ditto", I laughed almost feeling shy. I had never let myself go so completely before.

He raised his hand to pull away a strand of hair that again had stuck on my face as my skin was covered in a thin layer of perspiration from what we just had done.

"I love you", he said. "I love you, I love you, I love you." For each time he said it he dotted a kiss on my face.

"Can I say something?"

"Yes?"

"I love you too."

He grinned happily and then we embarked on another deep kiss, before he rolled off me, leaving me feeling a bit empty and thinking I would need him soon again. We lay there, turned towards one another, eyes locked and hands gently caressing, and smirking he said;

"Now you have proven you were right after all."

"About what?"

"You're fucking excellent."