Author note: Thank you for all the great reviews! Sorry that this isn't going to be a happy happy chapter, but it has to happen. Hopefully you still like it when you reach the end Don't hate me!
Chapter 12: The Tale of Freedom
DISCLAIMER: I do not own any rights to Avatar the Last Air Bender. I did not create it and I will not profit from it in any way, shape or form.
Sokka closed the tent flaps tightly and walked towards the ostrich horses. The rain and wind had him soaked within seconds. It felt good. He turned his face up to the falling rain and wished that it could wash away the memories like it washed away the dirt.
He tried to think of other things besides what he had revealed to Azula. But he couldn't erase the pain building in his chest.
He hated talking about Suki and had avoided talking about her death at any and all costs. Even his closest friends and family didn't know the whole story behind it. Why he had even mentioned it to Azula, he wasn't sure.
He could have lied easily. He could have told Azula that they had broken up. But with Azula, he didn't want any lies between them. He wasn't sure what was going on between them but he didn't want any of it to be from lies.
As he neared the ostrich horses, he heard the tent flap opening behind him and the sounds of Azula walking out. He didn't turn around to acknowledge her. He wasn't ready to see the pity he knew Azula's face would show. He was tired of the pity and the sadness of others.
He made himself look busy, but was fully tuned into every movement Azula made around the outside of the tent. Sokka was surprised when he heard the tent flap opening and closing once more.
Everyone else would have come over to talk to me…why didn't she? He shook his head. No this is good; I don't want to talk about it.
He checked on the ostrich horses. Noticing that they were both secured to the ground and had plenty of food and water to last another day. While they were wet, they were also sheltered enough by the surrounding trees to keep them from being pelted by the storm.
On a normal basis, he didn't mind traveling in the rain, but this wasn't just a normal rain storm. The wind was blowing forcefully and the rain fell in huge soaking drops. It was better to wait this storm out then to try to travel in it, Sokka decided.
He stood outside with nothing more to do, not really caring that he was cold and drenched. He didn't want to go back into the tent and face the questions he knew Azula would have. She may not have wanted to talk to him in the rain, but when he went in the tent, there would be nothing stopping her.
I'm not ready to talk about this. I don't want to talk about this. Universe, for once be on my side about this and don't make me talk. Sokka thought desperately.
The wind started blowing harder, chilling Sokka down to the bone. With a deep breath he opened the flaps and walked in.
What he found surprised him. A dry Azula was sitting over a steaming pot of what looked like to be oatmeal.
"How are you cooking that with no flame?" he asked. "And how are you dry?" She looked up at him and he noticed there was no look of pity or sadness on her face, just a small smile.
She got up from the cooking pot and moved towards him. Sokka took a slight step back; he didn't want to get her wet by being too close.
"Will you stop backing up? I'm trying to dry you Peasant," she said sternly. "You're absolutely drenched and I'm not having you get near anything before you're dry."
"And you're going to do that how exactly?" Sokka replied, trying to sound as normal as he could.
"I'm going to steam the water out of your clothes with my hands. Now stand still."
Sokka stood totally still as she hovered her hands across his clothed body. He felt the heat coming from her hands and saw the steam rising from his clothes. After several minutes, he was totally dry.
"There. Now come and eat, I made some oatmeal for us for breakfast." She turned from him and sat back down near the pot.
Okay universe...what's going on? Is this a trick? He watched Azula cautiously. She was acting a little too...normal. Shouldn't she be pestering him with questions?
He followed to sit across from her, the pot of oatmeal placed between them. Sokka spooned some oatmeal into his bowl.
"How did you cook this?" He said sampling a bite. It was hot and delicious.
"Pretty much the same way I dried your clothes. I heated the pot with my hands and cooked the oatmeal. Nothing special."
"How is it that a princess even knows how to cook? Don't you have servants for that?" Sokka asked jokingly. Pleased to keep the conversation away from Suki.
She gave him a bland look. "I do know how to do some things on my own Peasant. I couldn't always expect servants to be around to do everything for me."
Sokka nodded slightly and continued eating. They continued to eat in silence.
"So..." Azula began, stirring up the little food she had left in her bowl.
Here it comes. Sokka braced himself.
"Are we going to keep moving today? Or wait until the storm breaks?"
That threw him off. Wasn't she curious...or even worried about what he had revealed?
Wait, no this is good. I don't want to talk about what happened.
"Umm...we'll wait until tomorrow. Normally the rain wouldn't bother me, but it's coming down pretty hard. And the wind is brutal. Not a good day for traveling." His point was emphasized by a giant gust of wind hitting the tent.
"Uh oh. That really puts us behind the master schedule. You going to be okay about that, oh great master planner?" Azula asked him teasingly.
Sokka couldn't take it anymore.
"Aren't you at all curious about what I said earlier? I mean does it bother you at all that I'm responsible for someone's death?" He blurted out.
Damn it universe! I said I didn't want to talk about it!
Azula sat back and looked at him.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Azula said calmly.
"No."
Okay…Maybe Sokka thought to himself.
"Then why would I ask you to talk about if I knew you didn't want to talk about it?"
"How would you have known I didn't want to talk about it before I even said I didn't want to talk about it?" Sokka countered.
Was he trying to talk about it?
Azula smiled softly. "Because I'm a people person. And being a people person, I can see that you don't want to talk about it, so I'm not going to ask you about it," she responded smoothly.
Did he want to talk about it? Maybe…maybe it might be time to talk about it.
"What if I did want to talk about it…?" Sokka asked cautiously, slowly realizing that he did want to tell Azula. She didn't seem like one that would show him pity or point out the clichés of what had happened.
Sokka watched as Azula set her bowl down and moved over until she was sitting beside Sokka.
"Then talk about it," she said quietly.
Sokka took a deep breath.
"It was about four years ago. Aang and Zuko had been working hard to bring balance back to the world after the war. They were doing really well with it to. Most of the rebellions were quenched, but there were still a few small rebellions throughout the Earth Kingdom and a few in the Fire Nation. A minor rebellion was taking place in one of the smaller Earth Kingdom cities. Zuko had asked if I would travel there and talk with the leaders, gather information and try to bring peace to the area." He took a deep breath and looked towards his clamped hands.
"Aang wanted to go, but I told him that it was just a small dispute. I'd be able to get in there, talk with the city leaders, possibly give them a few knocks and get them to cut it out. Bringing peace Avatar style but without the Avatar." Sokka smirked remembering his excitement at being given this task. He loved nothing better than knocking a few heads around.
"Suki wanted to come along with me, told me I'd need the extra protection she could provide. I told her no and that she should stay at the Fire Nation palace and that I'd be back soon enough. She didn't like that at all, and we fought about it. Finally I conceded in letting her come along. She was a strong fighter and I knew that it never hurt to have the extra back up with me. It's a decision I've regretted to this day."
Sokka felt Azula place her hand on his shoulder in a comforting manner as his shoulders slumped in regret.
"She was a great fighter. When Mai, Ty Lee and I fought against them, I was pretty impressed. Although, I didn't tell them that at the time," Azula said quietly giving Sokka a small smile. Her small smile, and the compliment to Suki, gave Sokka the courage to continue.
"We traveled to the Earth Kingdom from the Fire Nation. When we got there we met with the leaders of the city. They were glad that we had come to discuss the problems.
The leaders informed us they were fighting against the fire nation citizens in the city, but only to protect their own people. They told us the few remaining fire nation citizens were old soldiers from the war, and that they were always fighting with the people of the earth kingdom.
So to protect themselves, several of the earth kingdom citizens formed their own type of patrol to fight against the soldiers. Battles had ensued, but only out of the need to protect, they had claimed.
I found it a little weird. I remember thinking to myself that they could have just written Zuko and asked him to remove the old soldiers. But I had my own issues with the fire nation and I believed that the leaders were in the right to make their own military. I should have trusted my instincts. But I didn't."
Breathe Sokka breathe.
"I told them I would meet with these soldiers and remind them the war was over and it was time to stop acting so arrogantly. And if necessary, I'd knock a few heads together to get the point across. And if that didn't work, then I'd play the 'I know the Avatar' card, knowing that that had the power to end any dispute. I planned to find the soldiers and talk to them the next day.
By the end of the dinner, we had reached an agreement. We shook hands and parted."
Sokka looked at Azula, gaining strength from her calm silence. Keeping that eye contact, he continued.
"That night a riot broke out in the city. Suki and I noticed it from our room at an inn we were staying at. We quickly geared up and ran down to the streets where the fighting was the worst. I targeted the fire nation soldiers first and started beating my way towards them. Suki was at my side the whole time. We caught a soldier and pulled him down an alley to question him."
Sokka got quiet once more. This was the part in the story where he realized how wrong he had been about everything.
"What we found out changed everything. The soldier informed us that the leaders were actually part of a rebellion group known as World Vengeance.
Suki and I were familiar with the group. They were among the biggest rebellion groups after the war. They were bent on taking vengeance against the Fire Nation from the hundred year war."
Sokka closed his eyes.
"We should have pulled out then. We should have left and got Aang to fix this issue. But we didn't, we decided to play it out. We spent the next few days gathering as much information as we could on the leaders and on their connections with World Vengeance. When we found as much evidence as we could, we sent it to Zuko and Aang. We thought we were keeping secret, we thought we were staying under the radar, but we had been deceived."
This was the hardest part, this was the part he had avoided telling everyone about for years.
"That night, there was another riot. Suki and I geared up and ran down into the streets. We didn't know who to fight, we didn't know what exactly to do, but we weren't going to let the citizens get hurt. So we attacked the earth kingdom citizens that were armed and fighting during the riot. We didn't know who was all a part of World Vengeance, but we did know the Fire Nation soldiers wouldn't have been a part of it. Suki and I were separated during the fighting. I was worried about her, but I knew she could handle herself."
Breathe Sokka breathe.
"As the fighting settled down, I saw her across the street. She was taking three on against one. Damn she was amazing. Just bam, bam, slash boom!" A smile broke out on his face.
"She was amazing and I knew she had it all under control. Three to one was nothing for her. So I turned back to the rebels I was dealing with." The smile died. "And that's when I heard it. I heard her scream." He looked at Azula, finding her eyes to be clear and calm.
"I turned back, and found Suki standing there, a knife sticking out of her chest." Sokka took a deep breath, the words just spilling out of him. "I fought my way to her, hacking away at everyone and anything that got in my path. I didn't care if they were fire nation, earth citizen, World Vengeance members; I just had to get to Suki. By the time I reached her, she had fallen to the ground. I forgot about the fighting, I forgot about the rebels. All I could see was Suki, lying on the ground, blood pooling all around her. "
Breathe Sokka Breathe
"I fell down beside her, she was still breathing, but barely. I laid her in my lap and just held her close. I didn't know what to do. I begged her to hold on, I begged her not to leave me. I told her…"
Breathe Sokka Breathe
"I told her I would find help. That I'd find a healer and she'd be just fine. She looked at me…she looked straight at me and simply said, I love you Sokka."
Sokka looked up at Azula; he could feel the tears filling his eyes. Tears he hadn't shed after the event, tears he had held back for years. He let them fall freely, silently, unable to hold in the pain any longer.
"I couldn't save her. I was too late. I was too late. She took her last breath in my arms." He felt Azula's arms come around him and pull him close. He placed his head on her shoulder, finding comfort for the pain he had held in for years.
"If I would have helped her when she was surrounded, I would have saved her. If I was stronger and told her to stay at the fire nation, she'd still be here. But I failed. I failed her."
"No Sokka, you didn't fail her. You didn't fail anyone. You trusted her abilities and there's nothing wrong with that."
Sokka looked up at Azula, surprised that Azula didn't see how much at fault he was.
"But it's because I trusted her abilities that she's dead. I should have protected her, I should have…" he stopped as Azula placed a finger against her lips.
"Sokka, she was a strong fighter. And even strong fighters can fall. I do not think it's an issue of you trusting her abilities. I believe it is an issue of her being a female and you being a male." Continuing to silence him with a finger on his lips, she asked," Would you believe that you failed in protecting her if she would have been a man?"
"But I was in love with her Azula. She was my life. I would have given her everything," Sokka replied weakly, pulling away from the comfort of her arms, ignoring her question. He watched her shake her head slowly, smiling a little.
"I'm not saying that you didn't love her Sokka. You can feel sad for losing that love. I'm talking about your feeling of failure. You didn't fail her Sokka. She was meant to fight, not to be protected. She had a fighters spirit but a female body. Society has made men believe that females are meant to be protected, not to fight. That's why you feel such guilt for her lost. "
Sokka had never thought of it that way.
"If she were to have been a man fighting next to you, would you have felt like a failure because he fell in battle?"
Sokka took a moment to think about it. Thought about what he would have felt like if Zuko or Aang would have fallen as Suki did. Would he feel like such a failure? Would he continue to blame himself years after the event?
The answer was no. Maybe for a few months, possibly a year, he'd blame himself. But for four years? No, he wouldn't have held on to the blame. As much as he loved Aang and Zuko, in a total brotherly capacity, he knew that they were fighters. And he would have believed in their skills and knew that they and they alone were responsible for themselves. If they would have fallen, they would have fallen fighting to their last breath, not because he didn't get to them in time.
"No, no I probably wouldn't." Azula cupped his face making him look directly at her.
"You can feel grief for losing her Sokka, but do not feel guilty for it. She fought with you, she fought for you. Don't insult her memory by feeling such guilt about her death. She deserves better than that."
That struck him hard. She was right; he should stop feeling such guilt over Suki's death. Grief, yes grief he could feel, although that had past years ago. But now, now was the time to release the guilt.
This was why the universe wanted me to tell her. She understands, she accepts, and she helped me past it. Thank you universe.
"You're right Azula. Thank you, for listening even when I didn't think I wanted to talk." He saw Azula smirk, a small glint of mischief in her eyes.
"I knew you were going to talk Sokka. I just had to trick you into letting it out."
"And how did you trick me exactly?" He asked curiously. Not sure whether to feel amused or annoyed at her games.
She moved away from him, picking up their forgotten breakfast. "Because I knew if I didn't pressure you into talking, you would end up wanting to talk. I told you, I'm a people person, Peasant. I know how to get them to talk."
He decided to be amused and helped her gather up their breakfast stuff. They set them outside the tent, letting the pouring rain rinse them out. They'd clean them better later. They sat back down on the sleeping bag across from each other.
"I should warn you Azula. Suki was the second woman in my life who I loved and who had died in my arms. Yue, the first love of my life, turned into the moon spirit. But she still died." They looked at each other. Hi serious face to her calm expression. "I'm starting to think the universe doesn't like me loving women."
Azula got up and sat next to him once more.
"Well do you love your sister? What about Toph?"
"Yeah but that's something different…they're my sisters. One by blood, one by friendship." He watched Azula give a nod with her head.
"True, but you still love them. And they are still alive aren't they? And you've been through quite a bit with them right?"
Sokka had to admit that was true.
"They also possess something that I possess as well. We're benders. Benders have a little extra…strength that others don't possess. I'm not saying Suki wasn't strong, you know that, but benders are able to do things that a normal woman can't. It's an added self- protection, of sorts."
Again, Sokka couldn't argue against her logic…but still.
"But…" Azula got up and straddled his lap. She silenced him with a finger on his lips once more.
"There are no buts here Sokka. You need to trust me and trust my skills. I won't have you distracting yourself because you believe I need your protection."
Sokka gave her a bland stare and lightly circled her wrist, removing her finger from his lips.
"That's not how a partnership works Azula. I'll trust your skills, but I'll also provide you with protection. Just as I hope you'll provide me with protection."
"Well if you insist, I'll make sure to protect you since you'll protect me." She kissed him lightly. "But, if you're still worried about the universes plan with your love life, then I suggest that you don't fall in love with me." She bent down and kissed him soundly.
I think it's too late for that.
