(The Murder in the Middle East - The Life in the Light)

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To find out that Booth had been secretly gambling behind her back hadn't been the shock it should have been. He had given up going to his Gambler's Anonymous Meetings after he returned home from prison and he had never gone back. He said he didn't need them, but Brennan had known that Booth was playing with combustible items. He was still not attending church and without GA and the church he didn't have anything to prevent him from falling off the proverbial wagon.

She knew that his fall from sobriety must have occurred when he had gone undercover to find the murderer of a gambler. She had dreaded him taking that assignment, but he had made it about trust and she had wanted to support him. Now she knew that he had been gambling for at last two months and he was so far in debt his bookie was threatening her to get the money her husband owed him. She was both livid that Booth would jeopardize his family and sad that he was not strong enough to keep his addiction at bay.

She knew that he needed a shock to his system and the only thing she could think of was to kick him out of their house. She had a child to protect and if he continued to gamble there was no guarantee that someone else might not turn up seeking more money for Booth's debts. She had to separate him from his family and she would not allow him to return until she saw signs that she could trust him. She knew it was going to be difficult for all of them, but she had to be strong. She loved him and she hoped she didn't lose him by forcing him to make a choice.

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As far as she was concerned, he was being stubborn. That was the only word Brennan could use to describe Booth's behavior. Much to her annoyance he continued to claim he had made a mistake not understanding that what he had done was more than a mistake. Her husband and friend had betrayed her by jeopardizing her and Christine. Jimmy, Booth's bookie had made thinly veiled threats that if he didn't get his money he would come around and she wouldn't like the stress since she was pregnant. She took that threat seriously and paid him off. That had been a dangerous situation and clearly not a mistake. It made her angry that her husband couldn't see that it had been more than a mistake, much more.

The lack of responsibility was a major concern to Brennan. In the past, she could count on Booth to do the right thing, to take responsibility for whatever deeds he had done, but his lack of trust in people and institutions was delaying his recovery. She knew that he was going to his GA meetings, but clearly he wasn't following the tenets of the organization. He was supposed to accept responsibility for his problems as part of the twelve step program, but as far as she could tell he hadn't completed step one which was admitting he was powerless over gambling and that his life was unmanageable. If he had taken the first step then she knew he would could move on to step two which was to believe that a power greater than him could restore him to his normal life.

That was the rub, he wasn't speaking to God and Brennan knew that as long as Booth denied his faith he would keep denying that his problem was serious. Since she wasn't a person of faith, she didn't know how to make him realize that he needed to communicate with his God. GA had worked in the past because Booth believed in a higher being that he could call upon to give him strength when he needed it. Without his faith GA would not work for him.

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Brennan wasn't sure what changed, but she noticed that her husband seemed to be calmer. He was visiting her and Christine on a regular basis and looking after their daughter when she had to work late. She had promised herself from the beginning that she would never separate him from their daughter. She has always hated the fact that Rebecca thought it was alright to keep Parker away from Booth when it was in her self-interests. She used his visitations rights to blackmail Booth sometimes and even now, the teenager was living in England because Rebecca had taken a new job there with little thought about how it would affect Booth. She knew that her husband loved his children and he would die for them. If there was an incentive to help him fix his gambling problem, it was that he was allowed to see his daughter and was reminded that he could lose that privilege if he let bookies threaten his family one more time. Booth still valued his family more than his own life and hopefully more than his love of gambling.

Their interactions continued to be awkward and Brennan was sure it was because Booth wasn't sure what he was allowed to do in her presence. She hated that there was a line between them, but the only one that could erase that line was Booth. She encouraged him as much as possible and reminded him from time to time that she loved him, but it was up to him to fix his problem and until he did, their relationship was going to be constrained.

During their separation, Brennan was assured continuously by Wendell and Aubrey that Booth was going to his GA meetings regularly and as far as they could tell, he was doing alright. Clearly, Booth was being watched over by his friends, but she wasn't sure if he was aware of that or not. It gave her peace of mind that she wasn't the only one that was concerned about his well-being and that others were monitoring his actions as well.

Though Aubrey was a new member of their little group, he took it upon himself to keep tabs on both Booth and Brennan. Though she missed Sweets, Brennan appreciated the kindnesses that the younger agent showed her and Christine. He was becoming a good friend of Booth's and that meant that Booth wasn't too isolated. Her husband needed connections even if he didn't think so.

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A month had passed and Booth appeared to be making progress. Though she had seen no signs that Booth was going to church, she was seeing signs that he was more involved in his GA meetings. He seemed to be taking his meetings seriously and seemed anxious when he might miss one. She felt that to be very encouraging.

Surprisingly, one day, he asked her to go to church with him. She almost cried with relief, but controlled her emotions and agreed to go with him. Her disbelief in a higher being was her personal choice and she was certain that once someone dies, there was just darkness, a nothingness. That was neither good nor bad, it just was.

The fact that Booth was a religious man that counted on God loving him and accepting him, made his decision to go back to church a major event. Brennan was now certain that Booth had forgiven God for letting the things that happened to him happen and he was willing to move on with his life.

The church her husband attended was one of the older churches in town. After the service, Booth took confession and then joined Brennan near the back of the church. "It's been a while, I had a few things to say."

Grasping his hand, Brennan squeezed it gently. "Does this mean you will be returning to church on a regular schedule?"

"Yeah, I think so . . . I think I'm ready." Even though he loved God, he had been upset with him for a long time. It had taken the death of the cookie jar addict to open his eyes. Her daughter had felt that her mother had never loved her because of her mother's addiction and that had made Booth see clearly what was going on in his own life. "My Dad was an alcoholic, Jared the same . . . I had a crappy childhood and I never want my children to go through that. No one should go through that . . . There's no cure for what's wrong for me. It's just going to be a constant battle for the rest of my life, but it's a fight worth fighting. I love you and the kids and the little tiger on the way and I want to be the husband you deserve, the father my kids deserve. I hope I never slip . . ."

"You won't, Booth. You know what would happen . . . Our children must be safe. Do you understand?" Brennan was trying to tell him as gently, but as firmly as she could that he had been given his chance and he shouldn't throw it away.

Slowly nodding his head, Booth stared into her bright blue eyes and knew what she was telling him. "Yeah, I understand. My family means a lot to me, Bones. I need you and the kids. I don't want to live without you."

Moving closer to him, she kissed him gently on the lips. "You are working hard and I trust that you won't fail." Stepping away from him, Brennan smiled. "I need to go back to work, will you pick Christine up from daycare this evening and take her home? I won't be too late."

"Yeah, sure." Booth knew he was still not allowed to return home permanently but he was working on that. "I have two new books I bought her last night. They're in my car."

"That sounds wonderful, Booth. I'm sure she will enjoy them."

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There comes a time, when enough is enough. Booth had done all that he could do to show Brennan that she could trust him and now it was up to her to decide what to do about him. She feared what would happen if he failed, if he gambled again, but that fear would always be in the back of her mind. Trust was the issue and after taking in all of the evidence, she decided that he needed to come home. He needed the support of his family. He had lived without them for several weeks and he knew that there would be no more chances.

They made love that evening. Being eight months pregnant had made that rather awkward, but they had managed and both were satisfied. "I missed you Booth."

"I missed you too. Believe me, I missed you and Christine and our routines." Booth lay in bed looking at the ceiling. "You were right. I should have never gone undercover. There was too much crap going on in my head . . . I should have listened to you and Aubrey, but at the time, I thought I could handle it. I . . . I screwed up."

"I take no pleasure in being right, Booth." Brennan was propped up on some pillows trying to find a comfortable position to lay. "There are some things that we can't do. You can't gamble and I can't find a comfortable position to sleep in . . . I'm sorry, I'm not making light of your addiction. I really will be glad when the baby decides to make an appearance. I have been through this twice and I find the last few months to be very uncomfortable."

Moving off the bed, Booth retrieved some pillows from the closet and while Brennan lay on her left side, he placed some pillows along her back and one under her stomach.

The relief was instant and Brennan appreciated it. "Thank you. I feel more comfortable."

Laying back down, Booth turned on his side and faced her. "Hey, I'm home now and if you need anything you let me know."

Grateful to her have her husband back in her bed, Brennan smiled. "Welcome home, Booth."

"Thanks Bones." He stared at his wife and asked himself how he got to be so lucky. He had caused her a lot of pain, but he would try to never do that again. He wasn't his father or his brother. He wanted to keep his addiction under control for him and for his family. He would always be a gambling addict and he would always have to fight to keep himself sober. "I love you."

"And I love you too, Booth."

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