A/N: Thanks again for the lovely reviews, so appreciated! TGIF and hope you have a good one!
Chapter 19: Charles
"What the hell were you thinking, James?!"
We were back in the office and Lorraine seated behind her desk. I had known this was coming even if Molly had told her to go easy on me. It was not the first time in my career I had been exposed to the fury of a superior officer though, and truth be told she was far from the most intimidating one, even if I respected her.
"I was doing my job, Ma'am. Keeping the Home Secretary safe."
"By going AWOL! You took her off-grid without authorisation!"
"With all due respect, it was authorised by her and when I looked last time she was the boss of not only me, but of you and Mrs. Sampson too. When she wanted to disappear, I could not deny her that. And I kept you informed."
She looked extremely frustrated, ready to burst with anger, but she knew I was right, we all answered to the Home Secretary in the end.
"How could she think she would be safer with only you than in one of our secure locations?"
"Do you even have to ask that? She was attacked twice in a week, the second time in a location where security was claimed to be maximised and yet a bomb somehow found its way in undetected. She felt she didn't know who she could trust anymore, if even you, Anne Sampson or Stephen Hunter-Dunne were to be trusted – and from what I hear that did not seem to be the case with him."
"So, she told you? That's strictly confidential information, it must not come out at this point. Is that clear?"
"I get that, Ma'am. She told me in strictest confidence and I intend to keep it to myself."
"She mentioned who else is in custody?"
"Yes."
She sighed and leaned back in her chair.
"She really holds you in high regard, doesn't she? Not many secrets between you, is there?"
I shrugged my shoulders and hoped I did not blush.
"I have saved her life, maybe that explains it."
"You spied on her..."
"Against my will, on your orders!" Now she was truly pissing me off and I jumped up from my chair and leaned myself towards her over her desk, placing my hands on it so I was towering over her. Sometimes it is very convenient to be taller than everyone else when you want to make an impact. This was also a good way to distract her and avoid answering the question. I knew she would wonder about the total openness between me and Molly if I told her yes.
"I was following orders because you threatened to move my family out of the safe house if I didn't. And don't bother denying, it was a poorly disguised threat and you know it. Don't try to make it something else!" I spat, then added with calmer voice; "Although in the end I'm grateful for it because that's how you got on to Hunter-Dunne and could prove his dealings with the Prime Minister.
"Please sit down", her voice suddenly tired. "We're on the same team and I'm actually sorry I had to do that to you, force you to spy on her which is not part of the role as PPO, and I'm very grateful we got the recording. I'm not allowed to share all the specifics, but it seems Stephen had woven a complicated web to increase his and his organisations powers in a very irregular manner, dangerous even and somehow had gotten endorsement by the PM, even if I'm not sure he understood the extent of it. It also appears that Hunter-Dunne saw the Home Secretary as a threat to his plans, both because she was against the RIPA-18 bill and him taking over responsibilities from Anne's organisation, and because of her popularity. If she would become the next PM, Stephen's favourable position would be threatened."
"You mean…?"
"Our investigations indicate that Stephen and a small team around him were behind both the car attack and the St. Matthew's bombing. That's how the IED could get in there even though the place was swarmed by the Security Service, because someone from them placed it there. All this is strictly confidential, of course."
I shook my head, this was difficult to grasp – a man in his position willing to kill innocent fellow citizens in order to get to the Home Secretary. It seemed more like a plot fit for the screen than real life.
"Of course… And the PM, how much did he know about this?"
"Not clear yet, but first interrogations suggest that he did not know of the plan to kill the Home Secretary. His hunger for power may have corrupted him, but he's probably not prepared to go that far. Or, maybe he's happy someone else doing the dirty work if can only pretend not to know. It remains to be clarified. What's certain is that both Stephen's and the PM's positions will be vacant in a not too distant future."
I nodded and let my face remain blank, but my heart skipped a beat. I knew Molly would be considered if the Prime Minister had to be replaced and that would be an offer too good to be refused for anyone. It would be fantastic for her career, but not for us. In that position she would not be able to afford any skeletons, or bodyguard lovers, in the closet.
"What now?" I asked, trying to change subject to interrupt my depressing thoughts.
"Well, after your reckless actions I would have liked to assign you to desk service again, but as you overheard, the Home Secretary made it clear that she didn't want to hear of any repercussions for you coming with her…"
The choice of words made me smile inside. If Lorraine only knew in what ways I had been coming with Molly.
"…so that means you are to continue as her bodyguard. Go home now but come to work as usual tomorrow."
I nodded in agreement and left. I already longed for Molly but there was no way I could contact her tonight. Neither of us had a mobile phone, her broken in the explosion, mine smashed by me on purpose before we left for the cottage, so we would not be traced. We would both get new ones of course, but this evening we were cut off from each other. I missed her, her smile, her cheekiness, the warmth of her body and I could not even send her a text message. I decided to dampen the want by seeing the person who was the most important to me – Sam. Lorraine had confirmed Rebecka and him were still in the safe house. Even if the car attack and St. Matthews investigations were leading to Hunter-Dunne, the school bombing and train attack were separate from that and my family still considered to be under threat until that investigation was closed as well. It seemed like progress had been made though, and an operation to strike against a group of suspected accomplices, an identified terrorist cell, might soon be launched, but for now they were still in the safe house and that was where I went.
I had called them before I left London, so they knew I was fine after the bombing and would be gone for some time, so I had not left them worrying about me. Yet, Sam rushed to me and gave me a big hug as soon as I got inside the door.
"Dad, you're home!"
I refrained from pointing out that this house hardly was home, because he was home to me and holding his little boyish body next to mine, knowing he was safe in this crazy world and feeling how much I had missed him, in combination with missing Molly now, made my eyes flood with silent tears. Rebecka came too, saw my face and then wrapped her arms around me and we stood there for a while all three of us in a family hug. We did not love each other like lovers any more, Rebecka and I, but Sam would always bond us because we wanted the best for him and we both wanted to be there for him, never wishing any harm to the other one. It warmed my insides that we had come this far.
"We're so glad you made it alive from that bomb, you know. It's so good to see you again." Her voice filled with warmth.
"I love you dad", Sam said, unusual words from the ten-year-old and it made me even more emotional.
"I love you too, scamp." I dried my eyes with the back of my hand.
"Are you crying dad?"
"Nah, just got something in my eye."
"Dad!"
"Okay, I'm crying but just because I'm so happy to be with you again."
"Will you stay here tonight?"
I looked at Rebecka and she nodded.
"Okay, if you want me to."
"I want to, dad! Can we make pancakes for him mum?"
She laughingly agreed and a while later we all sat down for a pancake dinner, the first time in many years that we had a meal together like this. The truce between Rebecka and me now complete, trust seemed to be restored and I was very happy about that since she was the mother of the love of my life. One of them… I was wondering if Molly was another, if we would have the possibility to develop our budding relationship to be that to each other.
After watching some telly, a relaxing movie, no news, I tucked Sam to bed and lay down beside him. Even if I had the same problem fitting into his bed as I had had in the bunk bed at Molly's parents place, this was lovely too. Lying beside my little boy, stroking his hair and feeling his body become heavy as he fell asleep. Whatever happened with other parts of my life, I would always have him and that gave me some consolation. Until quite recently I had thought I did not need any other kind of love in my life, now I knew I had been mistaken. Reconciling with Rebecka made life easier, but I knew for sure she would never fill that void, it was a green-eyed undercover cockney girl I wanted to do that.
Next morning, I got up early, to pass by my flat and change to shirt and suit. It felt strange somehow after a week in t-shirt and joggers, or nothing at all except Molly and the sheets wrapped around me. Another confirmation I was back to reality. Then the car picked me up to take me to the hotel and I was strangely nervous about meeting her again.
I knocked the door to her hotel room to pick her up, after chatting a bit to the police officer on guard outside it.
"Please come in, I'll be ready in a minute."
I went in and closed the door behind me and the moment I did, she came over and wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me to her in a kiss. For a few moments, I just held her, felt her, then I had to let go;
"Happy to see you too Molly, but we must get going or they'll wonder."
She looked disappointed.
"I know… I just, I missed you this night."
"And I missed you."
"What did you do?"
"I went to see Sam."
"Of course", she smiled, then became serious again. "I hated I could not call you, hated not knowing where you were or what you did."
"Me too, but we really have to get going now."
I did not want to seem cold but I had to cut this conversation off, or I knew I would be too emotional, alternatively would have to take off her tidy blouse and skirt and lay her down on the bed. Neither seemed like good options right now.
"All right then", she straightened her back and put on her Home Secretary face, shutting everyone including me out, hiding the real Molly. I wanted to tell her we could stay here all day instead, get undressed and order room service, but naturally I did not.
Her schedule was intense, getting updates, discussing action plans to deal with the current situation. In the afternoon, she had an appointment with her ex-husband, a.k.a. Chief Whip Roger Penhaligon. She had not asked that I left the room and I was positioned in a corner as he started speaking, ignoring me after having thrown me a glance filled with disdain.
"As you know, we find ourselves in quite a predicament…"
"You know, it would be nice if you at least pretended to care about me Roger. 'Glad you survived the bomb Molly', 'How are you Molly?' Thanks for your concern!" she said upset.
"I do care about you! I'm just… I'm just not good at expressing it, Molly."
He almost convinced even me, almost.
"There's nothing wrong with your eloquence in other areas", she snorted.
"Showing feelings is not my strong suit…"
I wondered what his strong suit was besides being an arrogant bastard, but kept my mouth shut.
"…but it does not mean I don't care about you. I never wanted it to end like this between us, Molly. I never wanted a divorce. I wanted us."
Oh, come on! He made me quite nauseous, especially as he moved to sit closer to her. I saw her stiffen and glance towards me, and I knew she was not comfortable with me witnessing this either. The question was who she wished to be gone, him or me.
"What I wanted to say, is that we have a predicament. Tomorrow the news about Stephen Hunter-Dunne's likely involvement in the attacks will be released, because the public demands answers. The PM's involvement with Hunter-Dunne will also be exposed at least to some extent. Naturally, the Party will have to distance ourselves from the PM's actions…"
Naturally, throwing the man they had cheered on until now to the wolves to secure that the power remained in their hands. This was a dirty game.
"…and the best thing would be if we simultaneously could present the one we intend to put forward as his replacement. That would give a unified message, telling our voters that we can handle this and will get through it still strong. We need a candidate who is liked by the public, liked by media, preferably someone who has already taken a stand against the PM and RIPA-18…"
I knew where this was leading now. He was such an abominable snake.
"Everyone wants you Molly. Everyone wants you to step into the PM's shoes."
"Roger…"
"This is the opportunity you have been waiting for! That we have been waiting for! Come home and I'll help you be the most successful Prime Minister the country has seen!"
I forced my face to keep still in a stony expression, eyes looking straight in front of me instead of at them, I only felt my jaw twitch slightly and my heart thump. There was no way she could refuse this offer to serve her country in the ultimate way, to be able to make the difference she had always wanted to. I knew that, but suddenly felt I could not stay to hear her answer. I could not bear hearing her breaking up with me without even saying the words to me. If she accepted this proposal I would know that was it anyway, even if she did not even realise it herself.
"Excuse me, I have to visit the men's room."
"Who cares? Off you go", he gave me a dismissive wave with his hand and turned to her instead.
Her eyes sought mine, but I avoided eye contact and just went out. Headed for the toilets, where I stood staring at myself in the mirror, a desperate-looking tall dark-haired man breathing heavily to stay in control, and then splashed my face with plenty of ice cold water just to compose myself. Then I called for Kim and asked if she could take over my shift, said I had a terrible headache and had to go home. She met me outside.
"You do look a bit pale, mate, probably for the better if you go. Can't stay focused when you feel unwell anyway."
So, I left without saying good bye to Molly and with the certainty that the newpaper headlines tomorrow would say that she was the PM to be and, to be read between the lines, probably with a suitable partner like Roger Penhaligon by her side and no room for me in her life.
