A/N: Someone noticed I had managed to replace chapter 17 with a chapter from another story. Thanks for alerting me, now the right one is there again.
Chapter 20: Charles
Next day, I called in sick and at the same time asked the Chief Superintendent to be transferred to another assignment.
"This is very odd, Charles. Did something happen since we met last?"
"I just don't see eye to eye with the Home Secretary. After my return I've reflected on the situation when she demanded I'd take her away without telling anyone. Now that I've landed a bit, I realise I'm not comfortable working that way. If she's not willing to follow my safety instructions, and yours, I find it impossible to be responsible for her safety. I think it's better if someone else take over."
I hoped I sounded convincing and that she took the sadness in my voice for being tired due to illness.
"The strange thing is that I have a paper here on my desk, with a request from the Home Secretary's office regarding the same."
"What?"
I had not seen that coming.
"Yes, she's asked that you're replaced, so you seem to agree on that. Consider it done, you don't have to go back there on Monday. Come to the office instead and we'll see what your next assignment will be. And for your information, we'll strike against the terrorist cell today so hopefully your ex and Sam will be able to return home soon."
"Thanks Ma'am, that's great news."
I hung up with a heavy heart. What a way to break up… maybe not from a relationship because I guess it had been too short-lived to be defined as that, but at least an affair. A love affair. A lovely affair... To have your office contact the boss of your lover and say his services are no longer required. How clean and efficient, just like that I would be out of her sight with no way of getting near her without raising suspicion. It was not like her but maybe she felt she could not afford to be the source of any gossip given the current situation.
I left the flat, went out for a long and intensive run in an attempt to distract myself but my thoughts followed me like a constant dark cloud hovering above my head.
I felt so disappointed, betrayed and sad. I already missed her, but of course this was the choice she had to make. Who would turn down the possibility to become the Prime Minister for the possibility to fuck their bodyguard? Because that was what I always would be - the bodyguard. It didn't matter that I came from a good family, had gone to the most prestigious boarding school and university the country had to offer, had received the sword of honour for being the best cadet my year of passing out, had had a brilliant army career as officer – to any tabloid that found out that we had a relationship, I would still only ever be the faceless bodyguard the Home Secretary had been shagging and it would pull her down and cost her her career. I would never want that. I wanted her to be brilliant and I could not imagine anyone who would be a better leader for this country.
She had said she loved me... did she? Her words and my question went on repeat again and again in my head in pace with the sound of my feet hitting the pavement, faster and faster until I felt the taste of iron in my mouth, my t-shirt was soaking and I barely could take another step. Then I sat down by the river bank for a while, just to catch my breath but my thoughts did not cut me any slack, a very annoying companion.
I leaned my head in my hands. I was in love with her, really in love with her so it hurt. Feelings so strong that I had not felt anything like it for many years. Maybe the last feeling I had that was this strong was when I saw the newborn Sam and was stricken by unconditional love. I wanted to fight for her but how could I when it risked hurting her?
The weekend that followed, was my weekend with Sam and we had planned to visit my parents. This time the train trip to Bath was uneventful and it was great to get away in the company of him. He was as sunny as ever and seemed to be so happy to be with his dad, with me, which warmed my heart more than anything.
I never told mum and dad I was working for the Home Secretary so there were no questions about her. They did discuss the latest news though, the scandal involving the head of MI5 and the PM and his resignation. They speculated in who would replace him but I added nothing to that topic.
They noticed of course, that I had something on my mind and mum asked about it. I wanted to talk to her but was limited in what I could say as I also wanted to keep Molly's and my secret safe. I did not want to do anything that would hurt her. I would never be the spurned lover that revenged being left, I only wished her well even if it felt like there now was insurmountable walls between us.
"What's on your mind Charles? You have seemed well for long but now I can see something wheighs heavy on your shoulders."
I gave her a weak smile.
"Don't worry mum, it's not the same as before, it's not the PTSD. It's just that I..."
"That you...?"
"I'm unhappily in love I guess."
Surprisingly, my words put a big smile on her face.
"How is that something that makes you smile?"
"Because you're in love! Happily or not, I wasn't sure I would live to see this day. It just makes me very happy that you feel again."
"That's one way to see it, glad someone can be positive about it."
"I understand it may be difficult, but this is so much bettter than when you just were numb, bottling up all feelings inside of you. If you feel unhappy love, you're also capable of feeling happy love, my boy."
I had a lump in my throat now.
"It's just difficult mum... I want to be with her so much... and I think she wants that too, but the circumstances makes it very difficult."
"So she does love you too?"
"I think so, but I'm not sure... and things are so complicated, I don't think we can be together anyway."
"If it's meant to be, you will find a way to be together. You need to have faith in each other."
"I wish I had your trust in fate, but I know there isn't always romantic happy ever after in this world just because two persons love each other. There's so much else to it..."
"Is there really, Charles? Remember that of faith, hope and love - the greatest is love."
"You're citing the Bible to me now? Seriously, mum."
"Only because I think it's true. Sometimes we make life more complicated than it is and forget what's truly important."
She was annoying, yet she lighted a little spark of hope inside me.
Sunday afternoon I left Sam with Rebecca and returned to my own empty flat. It seemed emptier than ever. I could not make myself unpack the weekend luggage or do anything really. I just got stuck looking out the big windows where the rain now was pouring down. At least a fitting complement to my mood. I wondered what Molly was doing now. Could she spare any time thinking of me? Did she miss me? Did she feel alone? The thought of her being alone too, made me seriously consider grabbing an umbrella and take a cab to her hotel, but I knew they would not let me see her just like that, when I no longer was part of her security team.
Suddenly I was startled by the doorbell ringing. It was a relief to have my depressing trail of thoughts disturbed, so I opened. Outside a kid was standing, in baggy jeans and a hoodie, with the hood pulled over the head in a vain attempt to protect him from the rain because he was soaking wet anyway. He looked like a homeless kid and I briefly wondered if he was walking from door to door asking for money, or if he wanted to sell something. If he wanted to rob me he had chosen the wrong victim, I was quite sure I would manage someone the size of him even if he had a weapon. Then he looked up at me and the shock was complete.
"Molly?! What are you doing here?"
I quickly glanced around us, but no one seemed to be with her, no bodyguard in sight and I pulled her inside and closed the door behind her. For everlasting seconds we just stared at each other. I could not believe she was here, dripping water on my carpet, looking like a street kid. Her hair almost black when it was wet and it glued to her cheeks. Her face stripped of makeup, pale yet looking very young and vulnerable. Beautiful.
"Are you here alone? Where are your bodyguards?"
"Home. They think I went to bed early with headache."
"You can't walk the streets by yourself! It's dangerous!"
"I can assure you that I can. It's not the first time I sneak out like this. I'm a Newham kid, remember?"
She never ceased to amaze me and I wondered if she ever had done it on my watch.
"But you're no longer a Newham kid! You're the Home Secretary, soon to be PM if I'm not mistaken."
"You can take the kid out of Newham, but not Newham out of the kid. I had to see you somehow", she smirked.
She had taken this risk for me?
"And I'm not by the way."
"Not what?"
"The PM to be. Or the Home Secretary anymore for that matter."
"What?!"
"I'm stepping down. It's announced tomorrow."
"Why Molly? Did they push you out? I'm so sorry..."
She stepped closer to me.
"Don't be, you prannet. No one kicked me, I chose to resign."
"Why?"
She took one step closer, now in my space, our breaths mingling when she turned her face up to me.
"Because I'm choosing you. I'm choosing you Charles. If you want me?"
Did I want her?! More than anything, I just could not believe this was happening.
"But everything you fought for Molly? I don't want you to regret losing it and resent me for it."
"It's not that I'm losing. I lost myself, my family, a normal life on the way. I want all that, and I want love. Meeting you made me see that clearly. Not having those things is a too high a price to pay for something I don't even know if I believe in anymore. And anyway, there must be other ways I can make a difference. All I know is that I chose you now, you're all I want."
She paused, then asked shyly;
"Do you want me?"
First, I could not speak because I there were so many emotions going through me, when I finally did my voice was hoarse.
"I want you more than anything Molly. I just never expected you would make this choice, not given what you were offered. And you had requested that I'd be replaced..."
"Only because I want to be able to see you as my boyfriend, not my bodyguard. I thought it was better the sooner you stopped working for me. This resignation thing might take some time and I'm not sure how long I must continue to have a bodyguard and I wanted us to be together like a normal couple. Not you watching over me."
I took her face between my palms, leaned my forehead to hers.
"Are you sure about this?"
"I've never been so sure about anything."
Her words made me immensely happy. The fact that she was here made me immensely happy.
She shuddered in her dripping clothes which I nearly had forgotten.
"Let's get you out of these clothes."
"I'd love that", she said coyly, igniting every nerve ending in my body.
"I'm beginning to think it's a plan of yours to wear wet clothes so I'll offer to take them off."
"You may be on to something there", she laughed, then held her arms up straight above her head and I took that as a sign to peel off the wet hoodie.
Almost like undressing a child, except that it certainly was not a child standing in front of me but the most wonderful woman I knew. I continued to unbutton her jeans, a bit tricky since the fabric was stiff from being wet. Then I tugged them down over her slender hips and she stepped out of them. She was so amazingly beautiful, standing in front of me in only bra and knickers. Not model perfect but I loved every curve, her narrow waist, her small breasts. Everything about her made my body scream for her. She was still shuddering from being cold, so I closed the space between us and took her in my arms, but before I placed my lips to hers I spoke.
"The first time I realised I wanted you, when my friend had talked about you as his free pass, I thought that I wanted us to be together as equals. Just one man, one woman with each other, not you being my boss, not me trying to be that in bed to get even or something. Even if has been absolutely amazing when we have been together before, I have never felt that completely, that we are equal. Now I do."
She buried her face to my chest.
"I've never felt like your boss when we have been together like that. I've only been yours, from the first time. And you saying that is strange to me in a way because where I come from a posh twat like you would have been considered to be way out of my league. I never dreamed I would find someone like you."
"Surely, I must be one notch down from the Chief Whip", I smirked.
"Hell no! He can stick that whip up his arse. Come to think of it he might even enjoy it."
We both laughed and then felt we were done talking for now. As the rain kept pouring down outside, pattering a calming sound against the window, she undressed me too while we kissed. She tugged my pullover over my head and placed her small palms on my chest, dotted kisses there. Then I scooped her up in my arms and carried her to the bed. Our connection was so much more than body contact, but now it was what we both craved. She was here, in my bed, my world and I intended to make her feel so welcome she never would want to leave.
"Will you please tell me again what you said in the cottage?"
"About your abilities in the bed?"
"No, not that."
Then I knew what she meant and this time it felt like I was allowed to say it without any reservations.
"I love you." I kissed her cheek.
"I love you." I kissed her earlobe and neck.
"I love you." I finally placed my lips to hers in a long deep kiss, which she answered with passionate intensity.
"And I love you, Charles James. Never doubt that again."
Right now, our world was here under this duvet but tomorrow we would meet the world outside, not as the Home Secretary and her bodyguard but as two persons in love, hoping for and having faith in a future together. I loved Molly Dawes, and she loved me, I knew that now. My mum had been right after all, if there was love, that would prove to be greater than anything.
