when I'm with you / I'm standing with an army


If everything went smoothly, they would be able to move into the house by the fifteenth of December.

Initially, Amanda had refused to pack anything until the official closing came and went successfully on the eleventh. Ever the optimist, Sonny had worn her down in the weeks prior, gradually lugging boxes home in an effort to convince her that this was both real and very necessary. She couldn't help but remain at least a little cautious, knowing that nothing was legal until they signed on the dotted line, but eventually Amanda agreed that they had too much stuff to keep putting off packing. She supposed they could go through the depressing act of putting everything back again if things fell through.

On a frigid Saturday afternoon, Kim had come over to help Amanda organize. The two sisters sat on the living room floor, surrounded by odds and ends that they were either throwing away or setting aside to bring to the new place. Close by Amanda's side, Luca played happily with a bunch of crumpled up newspaper. Sonny had taken Jesse to the movies, because it was impossible to get anything done with her curious fingers constantly reaching into already-packed boxes.

"So," Kim said, carefully wrapping up a framed photograph of Frannie when she was just a puppy. "Are you pregnant yet?"

Amanda rolled her eyes at the blunt nature of her sister's question. "No, I'm not."

She set the photograph aside and moved on to the next one. "I thought you said you stopped takin' the pill."

"I did, but it's only been a couple of weeks," she explained, setting books inside of a box.

Kim let out a wistful sigh. "I wanna have a baby."

Amanda stopped what she was doing, surprised - and not in a good way. She frowned. "Kim..."

"So does Connor," her sister added cheerfully, ignoring Amanda's obvious expression of disapproval.

"You guys haven't even been together that long," she reminded Kim nervously.

"He moved in."

"Moved in? To the apartment daddy got you?"

"Yeah, where else would he go?"

She squeezed her eyes shut then blinked Kim back into focus, trying to keep her cool. "Kim, you've gotta be careful, you're still on parole, there are conditions-"

"Oh my God, 'Manda," Kim interrupted her irritably. "Can't you just act like my sister and not a cop for like, one second?"

"I'm sorry, but sometimes you get these ideas and you don't think them all the way through," Amanda said quickly.

"Maybe you think too much." Kim reached out and squeezed one of Luca's hands. "I think I'd be a good mom."

"You would, Kim," Amanda agreed cautiously. "It's just a lot of work and... you and Connor need to be ready."

Her younger sister's eyes narrowed. "You weren't ready when you had Jesse."

Amanda sighed. "That's different."

"How?"

"I wasn't trying to have a kid. It just happened. I had no idea how hard it would be." She shook her head. "And I'm tellin' you: it's hard. They need your attention all the time, they're expensive as hell... Jesse's pre-school costs almost twelve grand a year and kindergarten is even more. They are always hungry or tired or sick or something..."

"If they're so terrible, why do you want another one?" she asked snidely.

She rolled her eyes. "Because they aren't terrible, Kim. They're great, they're amazing, but they aren't easy. That's all I'm saying. If y'all want a baby, just... think it all through first."

"I just think it'd be nice, havin' something to take care of," Kim confessed.

"Get a plant. Or a cat," Amanda suggested flatly.

Surprisingly, Kim didn't protest. Amanda watched her younger sister's face: she looked disappointed, even a little embarrassed, as she continued to carefully wrap things in newspaper.

"I'm just tryin' to look out for you, Kim," she reminded her quietly. "So you don't-"

"What? Mess up again?" Kim snapped, glaring at her. Any softness in her features was gone, replaced by icy annoyance.

She pressed her lips together. "I didn't say that."

"It's what you're thinkin', though," she accused.

"It isn't," Amanda insisted, even it was only half-true. "Sometimes you just want stuff and-"

"Stop tellin' me about me!" Kim said loudly, slamming a picture frame into the carpet. "You aren't the only one who had a screwed up family, Amanda. I was there, too, remember? Maybe now... maybe I wanna make a better one."

"Okay, okay," she resigned nervously, surprised by Kim's impassioned response. She added begrudgingly, "I won't say anything more about it."


On moving day, Amanda was up before Sonny, too anxious to keep her eyes shut any longer. Luca had slept between them last night, his crib disassembled, but he looked perfectly content spread out like a starfish in the middle of their mattress. Before the alarm went off, she carefully maneuvered herself out of bed with plans of running across the street to get coffee and breakfast, since everything in their kitchen was packed. Quietly, she pulled on leggings and a t-shirt before shoving her feet into old black Uggs.

When she entered the living room, her eyes widened in horror: two large boxes had been opened and their contents spilled everywhere. The room was littered with toys and books, all of which had been neatly packed by Amanda the night before. A very obvious trail of of dolls, Legos and puzzle pieces led directly to Jesse's room.

"Jesse Anne Carisi, get your ass in here!" Amanda yelled. She was too annoyed to care if her voice woke Sonny and Luca.

Timidly, Jesse emerged from her room. Still in her pajamas, she clung to a bright pink plastic horse with a blue mane.

"Did you unpack this box of toys?" she demanded of her daughter, hands on her hips.

"I wanted My Little Pony!" Jesse whined. "She was all the way at the bottom!"

"The movers come in an hour!" Amanda cried. "I told you not to touch anything that was in a box!"

She swayed back and forth sweetly. "Oopsie..."

"Put it all back - now - or else you and My Little Pony are stayin' here," she told her sharply, her nerves causing her frustration to boil over.

Jesse's eyes grew big at her mother's idle threat. "No! I want my new room!"

Amanda heard Sonny's foot steps come up behind her before he was at her side. "Hey, why are we scream-" he began to ask, then paused when he saw the scene. He grimaced. "Oh, okay."

"I wanted My Little Pony!" the little girl moaned.

She slapped her hand to her forehead, still aggravated. "I told you-"

"Okay, okay. Everybody calm down," Sonny interrupted, stepping in between them like he was refereeing a fight. "Jesse, put everything away, now. While you do that, how about I go get us some breakfast, huh? I think we're all a little on-edge."

"Can I have a blueberry muffin?" Jesse requested eagerly, immediately distracted. "And a chocolate milk?"

"Sure," Sonny agreed, stepping over toys as he walked across the room. Shrugging on his coat, he looked at Amanda expectantly. "Mama?"

"Just a large coffee. Please," she mumbled. Sonny was either motivated by a genuine desire to diffuse the situation or the hope of getting out of cleaning - Amanda guessed it was a bit of both.

"You got it." He strode over to her and gave her a peck on the lips. "Relax," he murmured, squeezing her arm before he headed out the door.

Once Sonny was gone, Amanda sunk down onto the floor and joined her daughter in tossing things back into a box. Yesterday it had all be organized, but now she didn't care so much, just as long as it was contained.

"I'm sorry, mama," Jesse said meekly.

"It's okay, Jess," she sighed, feeling a twinge of guilt for her outburst. "I'm sorry I yelled at you. I'm just..."

"In a mood," her daughter finished her sentence.

She raised her eyebrows. "Excuse me?"

"That's what daddy says when you're mad," Jesse explained lightly.

"I see..." Amanda murmured, making a mental note to bring this up to Sonny later.


Moving with two small children and a dog proved to be a challenge unlike any other. Getting all of their belongings to the house was the easiest part of the day. It was when their help left that Amanda felt like she was herding cats: with both Jesse and Luca mobile, keeping an eye on them in a new, larger space was more difficult than ever. Frannie ran around in excited circles, sniffing everything and rolling on floors to mark her territory. Even despite the endless distractions, Amanda was immensely grateful for the chaos. Even as their familiar furniture filled the new rooms, it was surreal to remember that this was not just another overpriced apartment that they were begrudgingly paying rent on. This was something they owned, together, and something they could be proud of.

As afternoon eased into evening, Amanda's biggest concern was making sure Jesse and Luca's rooms were set up enough for them to be able to sleep. While she and Sonny's mattress was haphazardly left in the center of their floor, the two of them worked to make sure Jesse's bed frame was assembled as well as Luca's crib. It had been a long day, and neither of them wanted it to end with a tantrum. With the dishes and silverware still buried deep in unopened boxes, they ordered pizza for dinner and crowded around the box in hopes of containing the mess. After they were done, it only took fifteen minutes of the baby playing with discarded containers for his eyelids to grow heavy. Amanda took advantage of the opportunity to put him to sleep in his new room without a struggle, but it was Jesse she was really worried about. The little girl had been excited to move for weeks, but by now Amanda knew that a temperamental toddler often didn't do well with change.

As she got her daughter ready to go to sleep, Amanda made sure to explain that she and Sonny's bedroom was right down the hall and that her brother was right next door. Sonny had dug Jesse's nightlight out of a random box and plugged into an outlet by her bed and Jesse's stuffed rabbit, Bunny, was waiting for her as the toddler climbed beneath fresh sheets. Seemingly too tired to be afraid, her daughter requested that Amanda lay with her for 'just a little while' - but fell asleep only minutes after her head found her pillow.

Amanda lingered until she was satisfied that Jesse was out for good - or at least for the next few hours. She tip toed away from the bed and carefully shut the door, then walked down the hallway to her new bedroom. The space was a disaster of half-empty boxes, contents spread out everywhere, all of their furniture only partially assembled. Their bed frame and headboard rested against the far wall, neither of them ambitious enough to put anything else together that day.

"I thought you fell asleep in there," Sonny mused as he folded an empty box in half and set it aside.

She shook her head. "Nah. I just wanted to make sure that she was really asleep, not just doin' that thing where she closes her eyes for awhile then opens them the second I move."

"I think she's pretty worn-"

The doorbell rang, causing both of them to raise a curious eyebrow.

Sonny looked at his watch; it was after eight o'clock. "Did the movers forget something?"

"Maybe... I'll get it," Amanda offered before she quickly and quietly bounded down the stairs. It was strange to have to journey so far to the front door.

Without a peephole to peer out of, she unlocked the door and cracked it open cautiously. A FedEx driver stood on the front steps.

"Mr. and Mrs. Carisi?" the driver asked.

"Yes..." she answered him.

"Delivery for ya." He thrust a rectangular black and gold box wrapped in cellophane toward Amanda.

"Oh, uh, thanks," she replied, taking the package and signing her name on the electronic screen he offered to her next.

The box was surprisingly heavy as she carried upstairs to Sonny. He looked confused when she brought it into the bedroom.

"What's that?" Sonny asked curiously.

"I dunno..." She set it on the mattress and sat down beside it before tearing into the squeaky cellophane. Her eyes grew big when she read the ornate gold label on the black packaging: Dom Perignon. A small card attached declared: Congrats on the house! Much love, Liv & Fin.

"Whoa," Sonny exclaimed as he hovered over her, then added excitedly, "let's crack it open!"

"I can't believe they did this!" Amanda breathed. She carefully broke the elegant seal to the sturdy box, revealing the champagne and two flutes. She slid her phone from her back pocket and began to text both Fin and Liv with quick thumbs, anxious to let them know how much she appreciated the gesture. They had witnessed she and Sonny's quest for a house from the very start and had tolerated all of the ups and downs in between; Amanda thought they were the ones who deserved a gift.

Sonny sunk down next to her and pulled the bottle from its confines, analyzing the label. "This is really nice."

"Open it!" She nudged his shoulder anxiously. "I've never had it before."

"Me neither." He unwrapped the black foil from the neck of the champagne and started to loosen the wire cage around the cork. "This is some classy shit."

"Perfect timing, too. I haven't found any of our liquor and I'm tired of opening boxes," Amanda admitted.

Sonny snatched a t-shirt off of the floor and draped it over the bottle. Pointing it away from them, he held the cork with one hand and twisted the bottle with the other until it was open with a loud 'pop.' Amanda jumped and let out a little yelp of surprise at the sound and the way it foamed up so rapidly. Laughing, she reached behind her to quickly grab the glasses it came with. She held the flutes close to Sonny to allow him to pour out the champagne, the golden liquid bubbling right up to the rims.

After Sonny set the bottle onto the floor, Amanda handed him a flute. Crowding close to his side, she clinked her glass gently against his. "Cheers," she said happily.

He grinned at her. "Cheers."

Simultaneously, they both took sips of their champagne. Amanda was instantly sure that it was the best alcohol she had ever tasted, but she was soon distracted by the delighted expression on Sonny's face. "You look just like Luca the first time he ever ate cheese!" she laughed.

"Y'mean, like my entire existence has been changed forever?" he quipped.

"Just like that." She let out a contented sigh and leaned back on to the bed. She allowed her bent knees to drop to one side and spread her arms out in a 'T,' chin tilted to the ceiling. "This is the best day of my life," she declared with a little wave of her glass.

He looked over his shoulder at her with a charming pout. "Hey, I thought marryin' me was the best day of your life."

"Oh, did I say that? Whoops..." she joked casually.

In a quick act of retaliation, he gave her ass a playful slap while wearing a mischievous grin.

"Hey! Watch the champagne!" she cried with a laugh, even though her glass was mere centimeters from the floor. She just didn't want to put it down yet.

Chuckling, Sonny turned around and laid beside her on his stomach, his weight resting on his forearms. He leaned his head in and kissed her.

"Hmm, I like kissin' you when you taste like expensive champagne," Amanda purred approvingly against his mouth.

"Don't get too used to it," Sonny murmured slyly. Setting his glass down on the floor, he rested a cheek on his folded forearms with a wince. "Ugh, why'd you let me carry that stupid book shelf all the way upstairs? Isn't that what we paid the movers for?"

She rolled her eyes. "Hey, you insisted. I didn't want to insult your manhood."

He replied with a groan.

She took another gulp of champagne before she set the flute on the floor by the mattress so she could sit up. She straddled his lower back, sitting on her haunches as her hands smoothed over the warm, soft fabric of his old t-shirt. "Y'know..."

"Hm?" he grunted.

His muscles relaxed beneath her touch as her palms worked his back slowly and methodically. "This is the other best day of my life. I wouldn't have this day without the other one."

"I think that's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me," Sonny murmured.

Amanda smirked. "Don't get too used to it."