Bella was furious. It had been almost one week since, thanks to Edward, she had narrowly avoided becoming roadkill, but she was still no closer to knowing how he had done it. Every time she had asked, no matter what wording she used or when she sprung it upon him, the answer she received was as useless and uninformative as possible.

"It was just adrenaline, Bella," he would say.

Or, "I think you're just confused, you hit your head pretty hard."

Every time she received these answers, she would scowl and refuse to talk to him for a while. This never lasted very long; she was far too determined to continue her questioning.

What was even more infuriating, was that Harry was being just as secretive. Bella would notice him and Edward exchange covert glances whenever she mentioned the van incident in the presence of them both. Whatever was going on, Harry seemed to know just as much as Edward.

Harry had appeared to have gotten over most of his bitterness with Edward. While the two were far from best friends, they were amicable to each other, partaking in the occasional light but brief conversation. Car rides with the three of them had become normal, even after Bella had been given the all clear to drive again. Harry was usually sat in the backseat for these journeys, something he frequently grumbled about. Edward only ever responded with an amused smirk.

Most surprisingly, the hostility that Edward's siblings, Rosalie in particular, had toward Harry had near evaporated in the past few days. This confused Bella more than anything, as she had never seen any of them actually speak to Harry. When, therefore, they would have had time to overcome their differences Bella did not know. All she could tell was the change began after the van incident. Just another strange occurrence that she was not privy to.

Well Bella had been doing some research of her own. Admittedly, the internet could only give so much help, and there was a very high number of nutters out there, but she had tried to read between the lines of the stories of aliens and witchcraft to find anything that may give her an idea of what the Cullens and Harry were hiding. Bella had never quite appreciated how many people swore they had seen the real life Superman. Edward may have similarities to superpowers, but she was pretty sure he didn't have a deadly aversion to Kryptonite.

Today, Bella walked into the lunch room, glancing around as usual to spot if either of her two companions were already present. Sure enough, she spotted Harry and Edward both sitting at a table in the far corner of the cafeteria. As she approached, she could see Harry's standard scowl on his face as he exchanged a few brief terse whispers with Edward. They stopped at once as she came closer. Bristling slightly, she sat down.

"What's up?" She asked the pair of them. Edward answered with one of his dazzling smiles, assuring her that nothing was the matter. She and Edward began discussing their mornings, Harry providing an occasional word here and there, but there was definitely tension in the air. Bella usually found herself able to talk to Edward comfortably, equally as easy as with Harry, but today there was a heavy tension hanging over them. The weight of what they were not discussing was compressing them from all sides. Bella could feel it suffocating them.

Finally the most uncomfortable lunch of her life came to an end at the sound of the bell. Edward gave her and Harry a knowing look before departing ahead of them for class. How had he known that she wanted to confront Harry alone?

Harry frowned at Edward's retreating form as though he knew what the Cullen was leaving him to deal with and he wasn't happy about it.

"Harry, I've had enough," Bella started bossily.

"Of what?" He asked, feigning ignorance.

"You know perfectly well what. You know what the Cullens are, don't you," she said bluntly. It wasn't a question. "That's why you don't trust them."

"I talk to Cull– Edward just fine now," Harry defended.

"Please, you two barely exchange two sentences to each other all day. You may tolerate him better now, but you hardly trust him."

Harry frowned, all sense of pretence gone. "Look, Bella, all of this – it's got nothing to do with me, and even less to do with you." He stared at her hard. It wasn't unkind, just cautionary.

"I don't understand," she cried. "You take every chance you've got to tell me how you don't trust them, and now you're protecting them? What from? Me?"

"I suggest you let it go." He said in a tone that brooked no argument. He turned and walked to follow Edward to class.

"I won't let it go," she called after him which he ignored. "I'll figure it out and all your cryptic warnings won't stop me."


"I'm telling you, Doctor Cullen, I don't like it."

Harry was sat in the Doctor's office on yet another gloomy Wednesday afternoon. The roads were just as icy as the day last week when Bella almost died – 'Because of me' – serving as a constant reminder of what had happened that day – 'Because of me.' It was all very hard to avoid thinking about, something that Harry had been trying to do since that day.

The guilt had continued to eat away at him, and so when he had arrived home after seeing Bella in hospital, he had gone straight to the dresser in his bedroom and opened the bottom drawer where he kept the small remaining tokens of the life he had left behind. That evening was the first time – and the last, he swore – Harry broke his No More Magic pact, using the Elder Wand to repair his old Holly wand. A small part of him had been thrilled at the familiar feeling of his own wand in his hand, but he didn't let himself dwell on it. Since that day Harry had carried his old wand with him wherever he went, swearing to only use it if Bella's life were put at risk. Thankfully, so far, it hadn't.

"He means her no harm, Harry," Doctor Cullen soothed, "I wish you could see that."

"Really?" Harry asked, disbelievingly. "Have you seen the way he looks at her like she's his next meal? She probably will be," he muttered as an afterthought.

As much for Bella's sake as anything else, Harry had reduced some of his frostiness towards Edward Cullen, managing to tolerate his presence for short periods of time. Bella was right, though: he was still far from trusting the vampire. He did, however, appreciate the significant reduction in death stares the rest of the Cullens sent his way during school. One of the few benefits of keeping their secret, he supposed.

"Harry, my family do not harm humans. We only feed from animals, that is why –"

"– why your eyes are gold. Of course," he murmured. He had been wondering why their eyes were golden and not the bright red he knew were associated with those of their kind. "I've noticed that the others aren't too happy with Edward either." He wasn't blind; he had noticed the four remaining Cullens silently seething at Edward whenever he was with Bella.

Doctor Cullen sighed. "They believe he is making a mistake, one that he will regret. Edward has grown rather fond of Bella." It was the way he said these words that scared Harry.

He felt the colour drain from his face. "No way! No, not with a human! He can't do that to her!" How could Cullen even think of it? Didn't he realise the danger Bella would be put into?

"Edward understands the risks of courting her. I trust him to know his own limits," Doctor Cullen calmly explained.

"There you go again throwing your trust around," Harry sneered. "Is he going to tell her what he is? Why am I keeping this secret if he's going to reveal it anyway?"

"He realises that he cannot practically keep this secret forever, though he wishes to keep Bella safe in the dark for as long as possible."

Harry scoffed. "Safe, right. She's hell bent on finding your secret out, it's only a matter of time before she does something dangerous to get herself killed!" He was seething. Doctor Cullen was watching Harry closely, a look of dawning realisation on his face.

"You care very much for Bella, don't you?" He didn't wait for a response. "I will admit I have wondered, as has Edward, whether you may harbour… stronger feelings for Bella than you have previously suggested?" Harry gave the man a few moments to laugh at his own joke, but he did not. Harry glared icily.

"It's selfish of me enough that I've made her my friend. I wouldn't subject her to the dangers of that sort of relationship, too." He spoke coldly but calmly. "She deserves more than that: a normal life. Something neither Edward nor I can give her."

"Do you not deserve one as well, Harry? Doesn't Edward?" Doctor Cullen beseeched. "You talk of anything that brings you happiness as selfish. Your words the other day concern me too – do you truly not see the worth of your life? Of your happiness?"

"But I am selfish," Harry replied. "Being Bella's friend is selfish. Talking and getting to know you is selfish. Everyone I let close to me becomes a target who ends up either hunted or dead. I swore I wouldn't let that happen again, but I'm slipping, letting people in. I am a selfish man, Doctor, with death and destruction in my wake and in my future."

Doctor Cullen watched him sadly. "I understand these terrible things have happened to you in the past, Harry, but you are safe here." He was pleading for Harry to understand. "The man who killed your parents is dead, you told me this. What else could be coming after you?"

Harry had told Doctor Cullen very little of his past; nothing of the war, or who else he had lost, or the terrible things Harry himself had done. During their meetings together they had mostly discussed the vampire's three hundred plus years on the earth. Although he refused to admit it, Harry had enjoyed listening to his adventures throughout Europe and the Americas. It had certainly given Harry a better understanding of the man in front of him and the reasons why he had formed such a strong bond to Harry.

The vampire had experienced centuries of loneliness, and it was his family that had brought him out of his eternal damnation and darkness. It was because of that Doctor Cullen swore by family as the sole healer of pain and sorrow. Time and time again the man had spoken to Harry of these beliefs. Some days this made Harry angry, by reminding him of what he had once had but lost so long ago. At other times Harry had felt himself wallowing in misery, yearning for the future that was now an impossibility. Most times, however, it was simply emptiness that Harry felt, his refusal to show weakness keeping him from breaking.

"That's what I've learned in my life, that there is always someone after me, wanting to cause me pain," he explained bitterly. "And so I've spent my life trying to make sure nobody else has to feel that pain, but I can't. I'm tired. I've already slipped since arriving here, and it's getting worse."

The Doctor frowned at him. "I don't understand you, Harry. Who have you hurt here?"

"Everyone!" He yelled. "Everyone I touch gets hurt. Bella was almost killed because of my self-righteousness last week. Her father lost days of sleep because of me when I arrived. Your family is constantly on high alert around me, never able to relax! You," he cried, pointing at Doctor Cullen's face, "have put your skills and time and care into me since I've been here. I've thrown it back in your face because I don't care about any of it! I can't make myself care.

"I'm slowly tearing apart all these lives by being here, and I'm not doing anything to stop it! So tell me, Doctor, look me in the eyes and tell me I'm not selfish. Tell me that this town – heck, this world – wouldn't be better off without me!" He crumpled down into his chair, his shoulders shaking with emotion but his eyes remained dry. Funny how since ending the war he had only shed tears once while begging the man in front of him for death.

Harry felt firm, cold hands grip his shoulders tightly and guide him to look up into the Doctor's face. He could see the tears the vampire could never shed in his eyes.

"Harry," he began thickly, "I swear to you that you will never hear me say that anybody would be better off without you. What happened to Bella was not your fault; that is what friends do, they fight and argue. I won't have you beating yourself up over what happened when she is safe and unharmed. My family has been on high alert, as you say, for one hundred years as we live among humans. That is a negative of our chosen lifestyle, but we would not change it.

"As for The Chief and myself, while I cannot truly speak on behalf of Charlie, the both of us care for you greatly. You have come a long way since you arrived, befriending Bella, and even beginning to trust me, but you still close yourself off from any emotion. We're all here to help you, Harry. Help me understand better." Harry stared morosely into the bright golden eyes of his doctor. He could see all the emotions that had previously been visible: compassion, kindness, sadness. It was, however, the emotion Harry refused to name that scared him the most and filled him with shame.

"Understand? You can't possibly begin to understand," he whispered. "Coming here, listening to your life each week I've learned what sort of a man you are, Doctor Cullen. You're kind, you never hurt others, and you protect your family from anything. Heck, you've never killed a man! You're good, Carlisle, that's what I've learned. How can I ever deserve your lo– understanding if I can't be good like you?"

"Harry –"

"I've killed, Carlisle," he interrupted. The words were flowing now and Harry didn't think he could stop them if he wanted to. "Both directly and not, I have murdered people. I have tortured people with agonising pain for nothing but my own pleasure, watched on as a classmate's blood soaked the floor from wounds I gave them. I have taken away people's freedom and controlled their minds to do my own bidding.

"You sit there looking at me like I'm some lost, scared little boy who with some coddling will turn out alright. That may have worked once, but recent years have changed me. If I had stayed home the only certainty is that I would have ended up behind bars, and I would have deserved it too. Do you understand me better now, Doctor? Does it make you feel better knowing more about this troubled little boy?"

He was breathing heavily but his voice had never once risen above a whisper. It had felt liberating to admit to his crimes – satisfying to see the horror flash in Cullen's eyes. The saintly doctor, who was now watching Harry closely with eyes that were slowly emptying of emotion until only one remained. Shame.

Suddenly Harry felt ill as though he were going to be violently sick. He needed air. Pushing himself away from the frozen vampire, he wrenched open the door and slammed it on his hurried escape. He didn't see behind him that not even the loud snap of the door had stirred the Doctor, still staring at the now empty space the boy had just vacated.


A/N: Thank you again for all the kind reviews! It's so nice to hear what you all think. The recent chapters have been a bit shorter, I apologise. I've been inundated with university exams recently and writing has fallen down a notch on my To Do list. My primary goal has been for the chapters to still be of the same quality in terms of flow and of course grammar and everything, something I try really hard to keep to a high standard. So sorry again for the slightly shorter chapters! Hopefully my life will start flowing again soon!