Author's note:
Just so you're not confused, time has moved on a couple of weeks since the last chapter. The paintballing was at the start of February, then there was Valentine's, then last chapter was the end of Feb, beginning of March.
Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognise
Warning: Rated M, mentions of bullying, attempted suicide
It was a Thursday evening in mid-March.
Kurt was bored. He had finished his homework for the evening, but Blaine was still studying with Nick in their room.
The slim brunet was sat on his bed, computer on his lap as Jeff was busy writing at the desk in their room. He decided to log on to Facebook and reviewed all the New Directions' posts as well as answering a few amusing ones. He wrote a longer personal message to Mercedes as he missed their girly chats and shopping trips sometimes. I really feel like a shopping trip. Blaine would come along, but it's not quite the same as going with someone equally excited about clothes and bargains as me.
He suddenly remembered his redheaded, fashion conscious Warbler friend and smiled to himself. Ryan! I've been meaning to set up a shopping trip with him, I'll text him to see if he is free this Saturday. He quickly fired off a text to Ryan about shopping, giggling to himself when he got an almost immediate positive reply. He must be just as bored as I am! He quickly typed another text suggesting they could invite Blaine and Nate too, who could carry bags and get coffee together while they shopped. Ryan replied again with,
XD I like the way you think! I'll ask Nate. R :)
Kurt decided to select a book to read instead, so he turned his focus back to the facebook screen, ready to shut down. Before he did so, he realised he had a friend request. With a feeling of dread in his stomach and bile rising up his throat, he clicked to see if it was who he thought it was. He gagged.
David Karofsky.
He hastily clicked ignore and hurriedly shut down his computer using the power button, slamming the screen shut and almost throwing it onto his shelf. He ran to the bathroom and dry heaved into the toilet.
Jeff poked his head through the open bathroom door, a worried look on his face. "Kurt? What's the matter? Are you okay?"
Kurt nodded, not talking until he washed his hands and rinsed his mouth out. He splashed some water on his face too, which helped to calm him down. "Y-yeah. I'm okay. Sorry." He returned to his bed and sat with his back to the wall, knees pulled into his chest and he hugged them with his arms.
Jeff noticed this body language with alarm and quickly fired off a text to Blaine, thinking he knew what this was about. Over the past week it had happened three times.
He knelt near Kurt's bed, knowing all too well not to approach since the first time it had happened and Kurt had snapped at him unintentionally.
Jeff prompted him to talk. "Facebook request again?" He asked softly.
Kurt nodded, angry at himself. "I just wish it didn't affect me like this! Why can't he just leave me alone?" He ran his hands through his hair in a very uncharacteristic move for the diva Warbler who didn't like anyone to touch it.
There was a knock on the door and Jeff let Blaine in. The curly haired Warbler perched carefully on the edge of Kurt's bed, not going nearer until he was comfortable with it. Kurt smiled gratefully at his two friends and patted the bed next to him, immediately snuggling into Blaine's side for a cuddle.
Jeff silently gestured that he would give them a few minutes and he quietly picked up his study things, piling them into his arms before heading down the hall to see if Nick minded a different study companion. A much more distracting study companion.
Kurt was looking through a rack of shirts. He found one that he wanted to show to Ryan, so he held it out to his friend who was looking at belts behind him.
"Hey, Ryan? Turn around." He held the shirt up to the redhead. "This is a good colour on you, you should try it on." Ryan looked down at the shirt and nodded, "Yeah, I like it. Thanks! Oh, I found this scarf for you too - it's half off!"
Kurt's eyes widened as he took the gorgeous item. "Even better!" He said, lifting the scarf to his cheek and marvelling at the softness of the fabric.
"Uh, Ryan?" Kurt started, hesitantly. There was no-one near the pair at the moment and he wanted to ask Ryan a few questions, privately. "Do you mind if I ask you about you and Nate?" He looked Ryan direct in his eyes, trying to guage if this was too uncomfortable a subject for his friend. He was pleased when Ryan didn't look bothered at all. "No, go ahead." He replied.
"Well, uh, it's just that we all got together at the same time. Everyone within earshot of Warbler floor knows exactly how far Jeff and Nick have gone in their relationship!" He laughed, his cheeks colouring slightly as he rolled his eyes. Ryan laughed at that too. "Yeah, I know what you mean!"
"Any way, they are a bit different as they've been best friends for years before getting together. But you've known Nate for less time than I've known Blaine." Ryan nodded, letting Kurt continue.
"I know part of that time he was completely oblivious to my feelings, but almost as soon as we got together we both knew we were in love with each other." He smiled at Ryan's "Awwww!"
"I suppose what I'm getting at is it hasn't really gone any where since then." He sighed, frustrated. "It's like we are an old married couple or something. We don't have spontaneous make-out sessions like you and Nate do." Ryan giggled, cheeks pink. "He is always so polite and dapper all the time, I just feel like he doesn't want to rip my clothes off or something!" He slammed the shirt he was holding back onto the rail in disgust. "I'm sorry. I sound so ungrateful. I have a gorgeous boyfriend who loves me, but I'm still complaining. Gah!"
Ryan put a comforting hand on his shoulder to get his attention. "Hey! It's completely normal to feel frustrated like you are. I even skyped my sister, Megan, to rant to her once because Nate had become a little bit too sensitive to me and not all full-on any more." He rolled his eyes at how stupid that sounded. "While it was nice for a while to have an understanding boyfriend, I know what you mean - sometimes you just need to be pinned to the wall in lust, right?" He laughed at Kurt's eager nod in reply.
"Exactly! I just don't see Blaine throwing me about the room any time soon." Kurt sighed.
"How far have you gone then?" Ryan asked. Kurt blushed as he replied, "Well, just kissing and stuff really. We haven't granted our hands permission to travel south of the border, if you get what I mean." Ryan nodded that he understood. "What about you and Nate?"
Ryan kept his voice low as he replied. "Well, we haven't gone all the way yet, but we've done pretty much everything else."
Kurt was grateful for Ryan's honesty. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry. I just really want to experience those things with Blaine." He looked wistful. "It doesn't help that we keep having to go over all the bullying again every time David tries to contact me." His face was serious now, as he stared out of the window of the store, thinking.
Ryan knew the basic background of why Kurt was at Dalton, that he had been bullied then forcibly kissed by the jock, who had then threatened to kill him. "Is he still at McKinley?" He asked, interrupting Kurt's thoughts.
"No. He moved schools shortly after I came here. I think it was because rumours were starting to spread about why he had been expelled in the first place because of me, which only got worse because I transferred to Dalton just before he got back to school after his Dad got the expulsion quashed."
"What rumours?" Ryan asked, puzzled.
"They started suspecting that he wasn't just homophobic. There were rumours that he had a... crush on me. I wouldn't have outed him, but the rumours had done enough by that point."
Ryan nodded, thinking of what to say to his friend. "Maybe you should just tell all of this to Blaine?" Kurt's eyes snapped to his, listening. "I mean, you could make it clear that you are emotionally, but also physically, over the bullying and just want to get on with your life normally, particularly your relationship with him."
Kurt nodded. "I think you're right. I'll talk to Blaine. He does like talking things through, so hopefully it will work."
Ryan giggled. "If that doesn't work, you could always pin him to the wall!"
Kurt slapped him on the arm playfully, laughing too. "Is that what you did?" he asked, eyeing the redhead suspiciously who suddenly blushed bright red and coughed as he quickly said "Maybe..." turning to inspect the belts again. Both boys broke out into giggles.
Nate and Blaine were sat at a table in a coffee shop nearby. Each boy had four or five bags from other stores round their feet as they sipped their vanilla latte and medium drip respectively.
Nate was getting bored spending too much time away from Ryan on the weekend. At least he had Blaine to keep him company as they waited for their boyfriends. He decided to pry about Kurt and Blaine's relationship to reduce the boredom.
"So, how's it going with you and Kurt?" Nate punctuated his question with a wink and a smile.
Blaine fiddled with his coffee before answering, not really looking Nate in the eye. "It's going well. I, uh, told him I love him."
"Me too. Ryan that is, not Kurt!" Nate interrupted, laughing at his joke.
"We're taking things slowly though." Blaine quickly added, looking up at Nate. "Because of all the bullying."
"Did he say he wants that?" Nate was puzzled. He thought that Kurt looked more over his bullying than Ryan did, and they were hopefully about to go all the way pretty soon. "I mean, if he did, that's cool. I mean, I guess there's plenty of ways to show how attractive you find him other than physically." Nate looked a little doubtful though, he had always been a very physical person.
Blaine thought for a minute before answering. "Well yes he... I mean we..." His eyes widened and he snapped his mouth shut. "You know, I don't think he did."
Nate let Blaine digest this for a bit before he said, "It's just that at the start of our relationship, I tried keeping my mouth shut rather than being my usual self..." Blaine smirked, knowingly, "...but it drove Ryan mad. I'm so not complaining over the way he fixed it though!" He laughed, seemingly remembering something.
"How did he fix it?" Blaine asked, before regretting it immediately, seeing the expression on Nate's face.
"Well, let's just say there wasn't much talking involved, since it's rude to talk with your mouth f..."
"Nate!" Blaine slapped a hand over his mouth just in time. He couldn't help picturing it though. If Nate being overly sensitive drove Ryan to do that, I wonder what Kurt is thinking? His mouth went dry and his pants started getting a little tight, imagining that was him and Kurt instead of Ryan and Nate. I need to talk to Kurt and see whether he wants to take it slow or not.
Kurt was waiting for Ryan who was in a queue to pay for yet another hat. He was thinking about a pin he had seen at the cash register in the last shop. I think I will go back and buy it after all. He quickly let Ryan know what he was doing and that he would meet him outside the last shop as it was directly across from the coffee shop that Blaine and Nate were in.
After he had bought the pin, he put his wallet back in his jacket, looking down as he did so. He was walking to the door at the same time, so he didn't see the person who had stopped in his tracks in front of him until they collided.
Kurt felt strong, beefy arms catch him and set him back on his feet as an all too familiar voice said, "I'm sorry, Kurt! I didn't expect to see you here. Here, let me get that." David Karofsky bent to retrieve Kurt's dropped bag, handing it back to the boy who had frozen in his tracks with fear.
Kurt's mind was reeling as his eyes searched for the closest exit and mentally counted the number of witnesses near them. His feet however seemed glued to the floor as bile started to rise up his throat again. He panicked.
"Dave! I haven't said anything! I promise! Please just let me go! We'll forget this ever happened!"
David realised Kurt wasn't listening to him in his panic. He rose both hands in the air, palms to Kurt as he stepped back, giving the scared boy some room.
Kurt managed to recognise this body language through the fog of fear and kept quiet, waiting for Dave to say something.
"Kurt, I'm not going to hurt you. I've been trying to get hold of you for a while. I wanted to talk to you." He lowered his hands as Kurt calmed down.
"I'm sorry David, but I don't think it's appropriate to send your bullying victim a friend request on Facebook! You can't expect me to get over a..." he dropped his voice to a whisper, "... death threat any time soon!"
"I know Kurt. I'm just so sorry. So frickin' sorry." Kurt was amazed to see unshed tears building up in David's eyes. "I just wanted to tell you that. I'm not out at my new school, but I've come to terms with being... you know... and the guys at Scandals are really accepting of me. They call me a bear cub!" He admitted, embarrassed.
He looked up at Kurt and misread his expression. "Are you judging me now?"
Kurt shook his head sadly. "No. Not at all. I would never have outed you David and I'm glad you have come to terms with who you are. You should go at whatever speed you feel is right to accept yourself." He sighed. "I just wish you had realised it before everything that happened with us."
David stepped forward which surprised Kurt who stepped back. David kept still as he continued, keeping eye contact with Kurt. "But don't you see? It's because of you that I realised who I am. I... I think I love you, Kurt."
Kurt's heart started pumping fast as adrenalin shot round his body, willing him to run. He desperately tried to hold it together as he answered as tactfully as he could under the circumstances. "David, you don't love me. I may have made you realise you liked..." he whispered, "..boys.." as he looked about them, "but I'm with Blaine now. I love him and I'm not breaking up with him."
David looked hurt as he ducked his head, embarrassed. "Okay. Well... thank you for listening to me, any way. Goodbye Kurt." He bolted for the door in a hurry, with no further words. Neither he nor Kurt saw a boy behind the rack beside them lowering his mobile phone, smirking as he texted.
Ryan rushed into the coffee shop and went straight to Nate and Blaine's table. He immediately caught Blaine's arm, whispering urgently "Kurt's outside. He's okay, but he ran into Karofsky. I'll bring the bags, you go to him." Blaine nodded his head and scrambled to get to Kurt to see if he was okay.
Ryan turned to Nate. He quickly kissed him chastely on the lips and pulled back to say "I'm sorry Nate. I think we'd better skip the coffee and get back to Dalton once they're ready to leave."
Nate and Ryan gathered up all the bags and carried them out to Kurt and Blaine, leaving them to talk first before they all headed for Blaine's car. Once the bags were safely deposited in the trunk, Ryan and Nate got into the back seat where Nate grabbed hold of his boyfriends hand and held it tight for the return journey.
Nate watched Kurt and Blaine in the front seat. They looked a little tense like they were having a slight disagreement.
"What do you mean he said he loves you? How can he say that after what he did?" Blaine's voice was rising, his expression incredulous as he concentrated on the road in front of him.
Kurt sighed. "That's what he said. I told him I may have made him start realising he was gay, but that he doesn't love me. I told him I'm with you and I love you. Then he left."
Blaine couldn't help saying, "Why are you okay with this? After all he did he has the nerve to say that?"
Kurt had had enough talking about this. "I'm okay with this because at least now he doesn't seem to hate me. If he doesn't hate me any more then I don't have to be so afraid of bumping into him. Look, can we just drop it?" He stared out of the passenger window, subject closed.
Blaine stared moodily at the road in front for the rest of the drive.
Just before he fell asleep that night, Kurt suddenly thought of something. He quietly retrieved his laptop from the shelf and started it up. He logged into Facebook and checked his friend requests. Sure enough, David had sent another one just after he had deleted the old one. Kurt hesitated, before accepting it. He clicked on the link to go to David's wall and began to read. His eyes went wide and his jaw fell open.
There was a picture of him and David talking in the shop, obviously taken on a mobile phone. There were comments on his wall telling him to "go back in the closet" and many, many more hurtful and disgusting things, including telling him to kill himself.
Kurt felt sick again, this time for an entirely different reason. He was seriously worried about David. He had not only been let down by his crush today, but he had been outed and told to end it all.
He picked up his phone and called the only person he thought would help at this late hour.
"Yo?" Came the answer.
"Noah? It's Kurt. I need your help."
Kurt was barely able to sleep that night. He groggily dragged himself out of bed later than usual that Sunday morning. He showered with the door open, so he would hear his phone if Noah called. But he didn't.
Jeff and Kurt were walking down to the cafeteria for a late breakfast when a shout came from the main foyer area. "Kurt!" Nick came running over to him and his boyfriend. "There's someone here to see you. It's Puckerman."
Kurt didn't like the worried look on Nick's face and he raced to his mohawked friend.
"Princess!" Puck greeted him as he engulfed him in a painfully tight hug.
"Noah! What are you doing here? Get off my hair!" He yelled indignantly as he waited for his friend to reply.
"I think you should sit down." Kurt and Puck sat on the leather sofa in the foyer. "You were right to be worried about Karofsky. I called his house last night and his Dad answered. He went to check on him and found him..."
"Found him? What? What are you telling me Noah?" Kurt grabbed onto Puck as if shaking him would reveal the truth.
"He tried to hang himself."
Kurt launched himself into Puck's arms and Puck held him tight, sobs wracking through his body. He rubbed up and down his back as he whispered softly. "You probably saved him Kurt. If you hadn't been worried about him, his Dad may not have found him in time. He's going to be okay. Well, physically any way."
At this moment, Blaine entered the foyer, brought there by Nick. His heart wrenched at the sight of his distraught boyfriend, but he couldn't help the pang of jealousy that it was Puck comforting him, not him. If I hadn't been so stubborn with him yesterday he would have come to me about this! He mentally scolded himself. Jeff had filled Nick and Blaine in on what he had overheard about the attempted suicide.
He quietly sat down on the coffee table next to Kurt and Puck, waiting for them to be ready to talk. Once Kurt noticed him, he detached himself from an upset looking Puck and dragged Blaine onto the couch to hug him instead.
Puck got up and went over to Nick to explain which hospital Dave was in, just in case Kurt wanted to visit him, as he suspected he would.
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