AN: Hey all, I hope those who celebrated had a good Thanksgiving! Here is a holiday-themed update for ya.

On a different note, in the interest of transparency, I must admit something: I've contemplated ending this series sooner rather than later. Not because I don't love writing them (they are like my little pets), but because I get the sense that interest might be waning. And that's okay, that happens! Writing is an outlet for me that doubles as entertainment for others when it's made public, so this is something I have been thinking about lately... for whatever that's worth.


you think that you know my heart / and you probably do


"Oh my goodness, Jesse, don't you look pretty!" Sonny's mother cried as they all crowded into the house on the afternoon of Thanksgiving. She wrapped the little girl up in a hug before stepping back to admire her outfit again: a simple evergreen dress with a pleated skirt that twirled over cream colored-tights. It had been a battle for Amanda to get her into anything other than her Frozen pajamas, but the end result thankfully didn't indicate any of the previous struggle.

"Thank you," Jesse replied sweetly, making a show of holding out her skirt daintily. "Nana, can I have some pie?"

"Not till after dinner," she chuckled, smoothing her palm over her granddaughter's neatly braided hair.

Distracted almost immediately, Jesse asked, "is Angelina here?"

"Of course," Mrs. Carisi nodded. "She's out in the yard."

Abandoning her parents and brother, Jesse sprinting to the back of the house.

"There's my sweet boy," Mrs. Carisi cooed, pulling Luca from Sonny's arms. She moved to Amanda to give her a hung, pulling away to eye her just as she had done with Jesse. She grinned widely. "You're glowing, Amanda. You look great."

"Thank you." Amanda smiled gratefully. For as much as Sonny's mother could nag, at her core, she was consistently the warmest person she had ever met. After they had lost the baby, she had lit so many candles at the Carisi family church that it was a wonder Saint Clare's had any left over. As always, his mother treated Amanda like she was her own daughter - never anything less - and that was a wonderful thing to be.

"How about me, ma?" Sonny asked with a goofy grin as she shook off his coat.

His mother rolled her eyes good-naturedly. She reached up and patted her son's cheek adoringly. "You look very handsome."

"Do you need help with anything?" Amanda asked curiously, peering around the kitchen.

"No, no. Not a thing," Mrs. Carisi insisted. "Why don't you sit down and relax? Dinner's almost ready. Dom's in the living room with everybody... all the appetizers are in there, too."

'Everybody' was the appropriate descriptor: the Carisi's living and dining area was packed with people. Unsurprisingly, there was a long table set up with elaborate autumnal decorations, from foliage centerpieces to gilded napkin rings. Sonny's mother lived for entertaining - especially when the focus was largely on food. Nobody was sitting down yet: they were milling around with glasses in hand, talking and laughing. It was hardly just relatives, because over the years the Carisi family had collected a lot of people who weren't related by blood. It had taken Amanda a little while, but she had finally figured out who was married to who, how this one knew that one, all of them bound by their common appreciation for a wonderful family. Their sheer mass and volume was overwhelming on occasion, but as she watched her children be hugged and kissed and fawned over by every adult in the room, Amanda felt lucky.

When it was time for dinner, Amanda sat Luca on her lap and his fingers eagerly grabbed at the contents of her full plate. He shoved a piece of cut-up turkey into his mouth before Amanda could put his plastic fork in his hand. It was more of a formality than anything else: most of the time he was so hungry that he got frustrated with his limited motor skills and tossed it aside. As he earnestly attempted to maneuver some mashed potatoes onto the prongs, out of the corner of Amanda's eye, she saw Jesse picking up a chunk of stuffing to eat with her fingers. She was sitting on the other side of Sonny, who was too involved in his own dinner to notice.

"Hey, Jesse, use your fork, please," she chided her daughter, peering over Sonny, wearing her most 'mom' expression. "What are you thinkin'?"

"Luca eats with his fingers," Jesse whined.

"He's not a big kid. You are," Sonny added, suddenly aware of Jesse's transgression.

"Don't forget: Santa's watchin'," Dominick Sr. reminded her from his place at the head of the table.

The five-year-old's eyes widened. "Already?"

Dominick nodded seriously. "You bet. He always is."

That was all the convincing Jesse needed: she sat up straight, picked up her fork and knife and began delicately cutting up her food. Beside her, Bella's daughter Angelina mimicked her, most likely equally as concerned about Santa's opinion.

"So... do you know what you're havin' yet?" Gina asked Amanda from across the table above all the other chatter.

She shook her head. "No, I wanted it to be a surprise."

"I thought you hated surprises," Gina laughed into her wine glass.

Amanda shrugged sheepishly; she wasn't wrong. She glanced over at Sonny and smiled. "I dunno. I guess I figured this would be a good one." Beneath the table, she felt Sonny set a hand atop her knee.

"Is everything goin' okay?" Bella asked, her tone light. People had tip-toed around her miscarriage and subsequent pregnancy in the beginning, which was profoundly awkward. Now, Amanda appreciated Bella's commitment to moving forward.

"Everything is good," she assured her sister-in-law. "I'm tired, but I mean... I'm always tired. The baby's good, though."

"Are you still working?" Bella asked curiously.

"She's on desk duty," Sonny answered, mouth full but still somehow managing to sound amused.

Amanda scowled. "And I'll be on bed rest for the last month."

"I wish I could lay down for a month," Bella sighed.

"It's torture," she insisted melodramatically. "It's like bein' on house arrest. You aren't supposed to stand up for more than five minutes."

"You're due in February, right? It'll be cold out anyway," Bella reasoned.

"That's the only plus side. Then Sonny has to be the one to take Frannie out when it's below zero," Amanda smirked.

Dinner went on for hours, but that was the norm for a Carisi family holiday. When the food was gone and the dishes were cleared, people simply relocated to the living room to continue with dessert and coffee. Amanda helped Sonny's mother clean; it was the only thing in the kitchen Amanda was competent at. When she eventually returned to the rest of the group, she hung back in the doorway, observing. Sonny's father was showing all of the kids magic tricks, their eyes wide with amazement every time he made a quarter disappear - then turn up behind one of their ears. Her gaze drifted over to Sonny, who was laughing with his sisters, an arm squeezing Teresa's shoulders as he undoubtedly teased her. Amanda felt a tug at her heart, thinking of her own younger sibling. She hadn't heard from Kim since the night she had thrown her out of her hospital room. She didn't know where she was, what or how she was doing. Kim had a knack for disappearing, and while Amanda used to be able to tolerate it, these days her absence weighed heavily on her. She had gotten used to her sister's active role in her life.

Slipping away unnoticed, Amanda moved down the hallway. She shrugged on her coat, then crept outside onto the empty patio, the yard illuminated only by the warm light pouring from the windows of the house. It was cold out, but not freezing. She reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone. Pressing Kim's name on her speed dial list, she held the phone to her ear and listened to it ring. Amanda's cheeks began to warm in anticipation as she wondered if she would finally be able to talk to her sister. Just as quickly as she had been filled with hope, her heart then sunk when only the voicemail answered.

"Hey, Kim. It's me. Happy Thanksgiving," she started off cheerfully, then a lump rose in her throat at her lame attempt at normalcy. "Listen, I hope you're alright..." she continued quietly. She toed at a piece of loose brick on the ground. "Call me or text me or something, would you? You don't have to tell me where you are. I just wanna know you're okay, Kim. The kids are missin' you and I don't know what to tell them. I'm sorry about how things went, just... let me know you're okay. I, well, I love ya. Bye."

Amanda looked down at the screen of her phone as the call ended. Maybe she'll call me back, she thought. Frowning, she gave a little shake of her head, as if to physically banish such a ridiculous thought. She considered contacting her mother next, but Beth Anne was still hostile toward her for what she believed took place between the two sisters. Her mother could be petty and passive aggressive; she would give Amanda the silent treatment until she begged for forgiveness. Foolishly, after the past year or so, Amanda thought she would never have to play that game with her again. Now she found herself right back in the middle of it.

She dialed her father's number and he picked up after three rings.

"Hey, daddy," she greeted him.

"Mandy? Hey, how are ya?" Pete Rollins slurred. His voice was loud over whatever was going on in the background: Amanda could hear a lot of laugher and talking mixed with music, like her father was standing in the middle of a giant party.

"I'm good. Happy Thanksgiving..."

"Yeah. Yeah, you too."

"Where are you?"

"Huh? Oh I'm... I'm in Miami. Look, darlin', I can't really talk right now."

"Okay, well-"

Her phone beeped twice, indicating that her father had already hung up on her. She chewed the inside of her cheek as she shoved the device back into her pocket. She was almost embarrassed by how disappointed she felt. It was an odd thing to long for, but Amanda wished she could go back in time and regain some of her well-practiced coldness. Nothing ever used to bother her; now everything did. She had learned that being numb was no way to go through life, but when it came to things like this, it had proven to be helpful.

"'Manda?" Sonny's voice called suddenly from behind her. "Whatcha doin' out here?"

She turned around and watched as he shut the back door behind him. He hadn't put his coat on over his gray sweater. "I just thought I'd try to call my family," she explained.

Sonny nodded slowly, crossing his arms tightly over his chest for warmth as he stood near her. "You get any of them?"

Amanda shook her head.

"Well, you're missin' more dessert," he coaxed, knowing better than to press the sensitive subject. "There's tiramisu and my ma forgot all about this banana cream pie she had in the fridge. Who forgets about an entire pie? Ah, whatever... and, yeah, people are askin' for you, too."

She couldn't help but smile. "I love banana cream pie."

"I know, c'mon." Sonny reached out for her.

Still grinning, Amanda went back inside with her family.