A/N: The following is rated M; for memories.

It contains dialog, where appropriate, from S2E9 "Bitter Work."

Reader discretion is advised.


Chapter 9 "Bitter Work"


Early Spring, year 11 in the Reign of Fire-Lord Ozai

"Why does your sister hate me so much?" Iroh asked.

Zuko had managed to move his uncle out of the burning ruin of a city that was Tu Zin only with the help of his captured komodo-lizard. After a brief reconnaissance of the local area he found an abandoned shrine on a nearby hillside to the fortune Agashiko, the minor kami of simplicity. If nothing else would provide them with cover from the elements while his uncle recovered.

Remarkably, it had only taken a day for Iroh to wake up and begin asking for tea.

"What were you even doing there, uncle?" Zuko said, handing his uncle a cup of tea.

"Oh! I met the most fascinating stranger on the road. A young blind earthbender! She needed some help finding her way and I was honored to oblige." He took a sip of the tea Zuko had brewed, stifling a wince at its bitterness. "Very… bracing," he said.

Zuko nodded, pouring himself another cup.

"I saw your sister, shortly after the girl and I found her friends. You can imagine how surprised I was to discover that one of them was the Avatar! Azula, I think, believed that I had joined with her enemies, and began attacking me as well. We had cornered her, and I was about to try and explain when she surprised me. She has apparently invented a new variation on the 'sky-burst' kata which produces a tremendous flash of light and a ringing sensation in the ears. Then she struck." Iroh tapped at his heavily bandaged shoulder and then commenced stroking his beard in thought. "She probably could have struck at anyone there, a free shot, but she chose me. She might have slain the Avatar right there and then, but instead she targeted me. Why? Why does your sister hate me so much?"

Zuko sipped his tea, looking away, considering how to answer.

"I suppose nobody really knows," Iroh said, taking his silence for a non-response. "Your sister is crazy and need to go-"

"It was the doll," Zuko rumbled.

"…the what?"

"When we were younger, and you were off at the siege, you sent us gifts. Do you remember?"

"Vaguely."

"You sent me a knife. A token of surrender from an Earth-Kingdom general."

"Oh YES! Now I remember. It had 'never give up without a fight' etched on the side."

"Yes. Do you remember what you sent Azula?"

Iroh pondered for a moment, still stroking his beard. "No."

"It was a doll," Zuko said, even now fighting to restrain a sneer. "A doll with 'the latest earth-kingdom fashions.' Even at six Azula knew what an insult that was."

"Insult? Nephew, I never intended-"

"That was part of it I think. You sent me a poignant personal gift which emphasized personal strength and conviction. You sent her a little girl's toy. A little girl's toy, to a six-year-old who was already a better firebender than her older brother was." Zuko shook his head. "She was furious." He paused for a moment remembering that day. "I think mother was as well, though she tried to make it seem like everything was alright. She always did that."

"It was not my intent to insult anyone, Zuko."

"It was that fact that you didn't think that drove her up the wall. She couldn't stand the idea of being an afterthought, of being second best. Ash and bone uncle, you're the one that taught me the importance of gift giving. How civil wars have been fought over insult received in the giving the wrong gift. You should have known better."

"She was six!"

"She's an Akodo, and a genius. You should have-"

"I was a bit busy," Iroh said defensively. "Running the siege, fighting a war, being crown-prince."

"Then you should have sent no gifts at all," Zuko snapped. "It was the contrast that made it an insult."

The two men sat in silence, separated by a teapot, not looking at one another.

"I'm sorry," Iroh said quietly.

"I'm not the one you should be apologizing to."

"It's been ten years," Iroh said, shaking his head ruefully, "there's no way Azula still-"

"If you think that my sister ever forgets a slight, you are kidding yourself," Zuko said dryly. "I know she hasn't forgotten it. She still has the knife in her boot."

"The knife? I thought I gave you the knife."

"And I gave it to her. I said…" Zuko trailed off and began again in a softer, more apologetic, tone. "I said that you were an old man and a fool. I said that she should take the knife and use it on anyone who insulted her like that again. Just in case I wasn't there to do it myself." He smiled, shaking his head. "I think that was the last time I ever saw her cry."

"She cried?"

"She was six, uncle. Almost seven. Her gempukku training was due to start soon and she was nervous. I… I was not making a very good show of it. I was constantly covered in bruises or in the medical wing. She was scared, and guilty about being scared, and then you sent her a gift that basically told her to go and play with her dollies."

"I DIDN'T intend-" Iroh cut off as he began coughing in pain.

"I know uncle," Zuko said softly after the coughing had subsided. "And honestly, so does she. But old wounds die hard, and there is nothing in this world my sister hates more than being patronized." He sighed. "The arrow, once loosed from the bow, goes as it will, and cannot be returned," he quoted.

Iroh smiled. "You've kept up your reading?"

"Yes, whenever I have a free moment. Usually when I'm waiting for-" he snapped his mouth shut.

"Waiting for?" Iroh asked, his eyebrows rising.

"Just… waiting." Zuko loved his uncle, but the man would be insufferable if he found out about Katara.

They sat for a moment in silence, sipping their tea.

"It will be a few days before I am strong enough, but I think the time is right to resume your training," Iroh said.

Zuko scratched at his neck exhaled in a huff. "So… you think we should travel together again? I will NOT beg," he said, repressing a snarl.

"I know," Iroh said quietly, "and it was wrong of me to imply that you should. I had forgotten what it was like to be young and proud."

"So, you're saying I was too full of-"

"NO. I am saying I was wrong, Zuko." Iroh said, shaking his head. "Not everything needs to be an argument. I was wrong. You are still Akodo, and you do not beg."

Zuko noted his lack of the plural but said nothing. Not everything has to be an argument.

"You seem calmer somehow, more focused," Iroh said, once again stroking his beard. "You have found some inner peace."

Zuko snorted. If he thinks that Katara gives me "inner peace"… well, he's never seen us argue.

"I think the time has come… for you to learn lightning," Iroh said, a grin splitting his face.

/\^/\^/\^/\^/\^/\^/\^/\^/\^/\^/\^/\^/\^/\^/\^/\

Whatever "inner peace" Iroh believed that Zuko had found, it had disappeared somewhere in the ruins a few days later.

"This is INFURIATING!" Zuko roared, so angry that fire shot out of his nostrils.

His uncle insisted that the lightning kata was all about division. Dividing yin from yang, splitting the tiniest bit of fire one could imagine into two, and then releasing; allowing the two halves to come back together and guiding the force of their collision out through the arm as lightning.

The obvious problem was that, for all of Zuko's life, firebending had been about control. The idea of releasing that control and then simply guiding the forces was an alien concept. Not that he'd really even gotten to that point yet; he hadn't even gotten past "divide."

Dividing fire felt like trying to break a single grain of slippery rice exactly in half.

While wearing gloves.

At night.

On an angry rhino-lizard.

The more he focused, the more difficult it seemed to become, and the most he'd been able to muster was a series of loud back-blasting explosions.

Iroh sighed as Zuko fumed back to his feet again. "I did warn you. Not everyone is capable of lightning."

"Then why did you even BRING IT UP?!"

"Anger is a tool nephew," Iroh said, beginning to pace back and forth, lecturing. "It is like fire itself, it must be controlled to be useful, otherwise it simply burns. Your anger is a battleship's catapult; you need a pair of tweezers. I had hoped that your new-found calm would help you limit yourself, but it seems to have vanished in recent days."

Zuko said nothing, just gritted his teeth, and drew himself into the beginning stance again.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Calm, he thought furiously. I am CALM.

He was NOT calm.

There was another explosion, and Zuko began to swear almost incoherently.

"Close your eyes, nephew."

Zuko obliged him as he regained his feet, still muttering curses and imprecations under his breath.

"At night, before you sleep, there is a look that comes over your face," Iroh said smoothly. "A look of complete calm. I do not know what you are thinking about, NOR, do I care," he said cutting of Zuko's startled protests. "Whatever it is, I want you to focus on that. Hold it in your mind… and start from there."

Zuko felt his face flush and closed his eyes again.

Breathe in. Breathe out… Katara.

Her face swam in his mind. Beautiful, angry, sad, terrified, happy, sultry, smug, peaceful.

Breathe in… Breathe out… Katara.

He HAD it.

He had that blasted grain of rice. It felt… different. Not wrong per se, but… odd somehow. He broke it in two, his arms swirling fluidly through the sinuous motions of the lightning kata, then… he released.

There was no lightning.

There wasn't even any fire.

Just a massive, crashing, shock-wave of force, naked invisible force, that blasted him and his uncle off their feet, cracking the earth beneath them.

"What was that?" Iroh said, rising with a groan from where he'd landed.

"I… I have no idea. Are you alright?" Zuko said, noticing the way Iroh winced and rubbed at his wounded shoulder.

"Yes, yes, I will be fine," Iroh said, brushing off his concern. "Do you think you can do it again?"

"I don't know. I'm… not even sure I want to."

"You never fail to surprise me, nephew," Iroh said grinning proudly. "What were you thinking of?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Zuko… you know you can talk to me about anything," Iroh said a wry smile appearing on his face.

Oh crap. He thinks he knows something.

"I may not be your sensei anymore, but I will always be your uncle. I had hoped that we could at least-"

"TEA!" Zuko shouted.

Iroh looked at him blankly. "You were thinking about… tea?"

"Uh… yes? Tea is… good? We should have some!"

"…While I had always hoped that you would one day appreciate the wonder that is tea, I highly doubt that has suddenly become the case," Iroh said, his bushy eyebrows riding high on his forehead in skepticism.

"Uh… well… you see. Tea is…"

Tea is NOT Katara. That's what tea is!

"Tea is… WET. Yes. Tea is wet and… you said that we learned about lightning from waterbenders. So, water plus fire is tea… and… lightning?"

Iroh stared at him for another moment.

Oh yes. Brilliant work. My finest hour this is.

"Zuko, that is absolutely-" Iroh's face split into a huge grin- "BRILLIANT! I always knew you had it in you!"

Ok. Azula was right. Uncle is insane.

"Ah, but this gives me another idea," Iroh said, pounding his fist into his palm. "I will teach you a NEW firebending move. One Azula doesn't even know, because I made it up myself."

Zuko grinned.

/\^/\^/\^/\^/\^/\^/\^/\^/\^/\^/\^/\^/\^/\^/\^/\

Iroh spent the better part of an hour lecturing Zuko on water style, redirecting attacks and adapting. Zuko had let him, he'd already given away too much about his… thing with Katara. Letting his uncle know that he'd been practicing water style for the past few weeks would only give him more clues. He would figure it out.

Zuko still wasn't sure how he felt about that.

So, he let his uncle prattle, listening intently anyways. An old sensei was always worth listening to.

Iroh had spoken of redirecting lightning. Of clearing a path through your body for it, letting it pass through and out without harm.

"In one arm-" Iroh traced the path with his fingers- "down into the stomach… and out the other arm," he finished slowly. "Remember, the detour through the stomach is crucial. If the lightning passes through your heart it will tear it to pieces. The stomach, the 'sea of chi,' is your center of being. It will allow the lightning safe passage." Iroh chuckled and patted his belly. "Although, in MY case it is more a 'vast ocean of chi.'"

"Alright," Zuko said with a nod. "I think I have it." He took the beginning stance, left hand forward, two fingers extended.

"Good. Now let's have some tea," Iroh said turning away.

"I would rather practice this while your instruction is still fresh," Zuko said, not releasing the stance.

Iroh blinked. "Are you crazy? Lightning is very dangerous!" he said, aghast, backing away from his nephew.

"Yes. Which I why it is important to get this rig-"

"I'm not going to shoot lightning at you!"

"How, in the Sun's holy name, am I supposed to LEARN then?!" Zuko said, dropping his stance, and glaring at his uncle.

"If you are lucky you will never have to use this technique at all. This is merely a precaution."

"A precaut- Uncle…" Zuko made a desperate stab at calm. "Azula is going to come after us at some point. She HAS lightning. If I do not learn this by then…" he trailed off. Azula was a good samurai, and Zuko was certain that she would not hesitate when the time came again.

"If I shoot lightning at you and you don't get it right you will DIE," Iroh said, eyes flashing dangerously. "There is danger in all training, but this is not something you can do by degrees. I will NOT be responsible for the death of another-" he bit his lip and looked away.

Lu Ten, Zuko thought. He still blames himself for Lu Ten.

"I understand Uncle," he began more gently. "But if I have to fight Azula again… one of us is going to die." He grit his teeth in guilty shame and fury. "I… I don't want to have to kill my sister."

Still weak. Oh, so weak.

Iroh sighed and looked east, away from the now setting sun. "There is a storm coming," he said indicating the dark clouds on the horizon. "It will pass through the mountains. Perhaps, if the spirits favor you, you will find what you need there."

Zuko only nodded, exhaling deeply. Without another word he found the komodo-lizard and set off.

/\^/\^/\^/\^/\^/\^/\^/\^/\^/\^/\^/\^/\^/\^/\^/\

The sky was pitch black above him on the mountaintop as he climbed. The rain had started coming down a few minutes after the terrain had grown to steep for his mount and hadn't let up since.

He'd barely noticed.

"OSANO-WO!" Zuko shouted above the howling wind, invoking the name of the kami of thunder on the top of the mountain.

As he had climbed he had felt his fury rising. Anger at his uncle, at the world, at himself. Sick with guilt, at his foolish sentiment, his weakness; and it poured out of him making his voice hoarse as he roared.

"COME ON THEN!" he roared at the heavens. "YOU'VE NEVER HELD BACK BEFORE!"

Thunder rumbled, but there was no lightning.

Pathetic, a voice whispered. Going to all these lengths, not for honor, not for duty, just so you don't have hurt your sister. WEAK!

Zuko growled in fury, still glaring at the pitch-black sky.

Without compassion, there can be neither honor nor duty. Katara had said. How can anyone claim to rule without understanding? Zuko blinked, it was as if he could hear her speaking to him, almost as if she was standing right behind him. He spun around…

… and found his FATHER glaring down at him.

You will LEARN respect, Ozai roared, a giant figure striding out of the rain, advancing on Zuko, In PAIN and SUFFERING! Zuko, eye wide in shock, took a few unconscious steps backward

I see the strength of the stone in you boy, Iroh said, appearing out of the rain on Zuko's right. I don't think you realize how rare a person you are, to have suffered so much and still keep going.

Ash and bone, Zuko! Azula swore, appearing at his side. You're starting to SOUND like him as well!

Suddenly the wind was full of voices. Screaming at him, taunting him, praising him, childing him, damning him. He whipped from side to side, his hand on his sword, his eye wide in superstitious terror as specters, alive and dead, surrounded him.

Suddenly it all fell away.

Listen to me, a voice whispered in the silence, everything I've done, I've done to protect you. Remember this, Zuko. No matter how things may seem to change, never forget who you are.

"…Mom?"

When was that? I don't… don't…

Suddenly he was small again. Just turned nine, out in the northern plains on a training exercise, fast asleep in his tent.

"No. That was a dream," he whispered. "Just… just a dream."

It hadn't been. His mother had been there. Why was she there? She should have been in the palace with father and… grandfather.

Everything I've done… she whispered.

"What did you do?"

I've done to protect you…

"WHAT DID YOU DO!?"

The next day he had been recalled to the capital. His grandfather was dead. The Fire-Lord was DEAD and his mother was…

Everything I've done…

"…no"

I've done to protect you…

"NO!" he howled, tears joining the rain as the cacophony of voices resumed.

Why am I so stupid? How could I not… how could I not have…

Everything I've done… I've done to protect you.

She had killed Fire-Lord Azulon. It was the only explanation. She had killed his grandfather and there was only one sentence for a crime of that magnitude. He had no doubt that his father had carried it out.

To do otherwise would have been weakness.

Everything I've done… I've done to protect you.

done to protect you.

protect you.

YOU.

"She's dead… and it's all my fault," he whispered.

Silence fell again, but this time something else filled it.

Mad cackling laughter.

Waves of fire cascaded around the mountainside, boiling the rain and scorching the stone as the madness surged forward and seized Zuko's mind. Whatever it was that he had done before, he did it again, and again and again. Shocking booming wild crashes of force and sound shook the air around him, cracking stone, and tilting trees. Even the storm took damage, stray blasts of force punching holes in the cloud cover.

Thunder rumbled loudly overhead.

STOP.

The madman stopped, his head tilted to the side curiously, his face caught in a painful rictus somewhere between a grin and a snarl, the rain boiling at his feet.

Go. Away.

"burn it, burn it, burn it ALL," the madman muttered, shaking his head in denial.

GO. AWAY.

"heeeeeee'sssss miiiiinnnne," the thing hissed.

I am proud of you, Iroh said, smiling.

I'm sorry too, Azula said sadly.

You're lucky you're cute, Katara sighed.

Never forget who you are, Ursa whispered.

I CAST YOU OUT, roared the Akodo.

Zuko gasped for air, like a man held underwater a moment too long, the rain sheeting down completing the illusion. He felt as though his insides had been ripped out and as he struggled to his feet, panting, he looked around, confusion coloring his exhausted face.

What was I…

The thunder rumbled above him, almost… questioningly.

As though in a dream he began to move, arms moving in a sinuous motion.

Inhale. Exhale… Katara.

Nobody kills you but ME! She laughed.

Divide. Channel the energy…

Instead of releasing the two halves however, he found his arms swinging towards one another in front of him. His right hand bounced off his left, seeming to smash the two pieces of fire back together, and hurling them outwards, forcing a roar from him at the same time.

A roar that was matched with the sound of thunder.

BOOOOOOOOM!

Thunder, just thunder, roared out from his hands, shaking the rain in front of him.

Guess that will have to do, Zuko thought, panting with effort and fatigue.

He bowed double.

"MY THANKS, OSANO-WO!"

The thunder rumbled.


A/N: Greeting fiction fans and welcome to the author's notes! Bring you all the notes that I can think of, and some that just occur to me as I prattle on! Hope you enjoyed my take on a virety of Zuko-related events today, including but not limited to, "the storm", "Zuko alone" and various other elements of my own design. If you didn't enjoy them, (or did) feel free to leave me a comment/review and tell me about it. Even if this is the distant future, and the world is overrun with sentient robots from Neptune, I will most assuredly enjoy seeing my inbox full. For those of you who are commenting/reviewing always remember that YOU are the MVPs.

/drum roll

META-BITS! /cymbal crash

All about Azula: The Azula-Iroh dynamic has always intrigued me. In canon and without they surprisingly seem to have very little interaction despite living in the same building, and standing NEXT to one another at Zuko's Agni Kai. Generally, Azula seems to ignore Iroh presence(crystal caves), or to straight up explode at him (episode 1 of this season or during "the chase"). There is something going on there that is never fully explored in canon. It could be as simple as "daddy hates him and so I must as well" but I like my explanation better. It gives us an Iroh that is more flawed and human, and an Azula that has a better backstory. So now you know where that knife has been, I regret nothing.

The troubles with spirits: The Avatar's world, much like L5R's, has a very potent spiritual environment. Being haunted is not particularly uncommon in L5R and so when Zuko goes up to a mountain and basically dares a god to hit him… well, results may vary. Again I think Osanao-wo heard him and basically said, "bold move, I got something for YOU pal." Then gave him a sweet parting gift. I like the parallel here between Zuko and Azula, Azula practicing the same move over and over again (almost isn't GOOD enough) and Zuko just going and shouting at things for honor.

Much like Zuko "sword of flame" I'm very much about giving our boy cool protagonist powers, but limiting their utility and usefulness so as to NOT make him super-OP. Not a fan of OP-ness, just not as interesting to me.

YMMV

Ursa: Zuko is now pretty sure that his mom is dead. It wasn't something I had really touched on over much until this point except to show Zuko's thought shying away from thinking about it overmuch. I imagine he was kept deliberately busy so that he wouldn't ask to many questions. Also, for reasons known only to my brain, I decided that Zuko wasn't in the palace when it happened. Not sure WHY I did that but, I like it. It works for me. So, take-aways, Ursa's dead, Zuko's pretty sure it his fault, though he has no idea why, and thus there is grief/madness.

Hey, thanks again for reading! I know you're all busy with life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness (or their non-american equivalents) and any time you spend on my stuff is just pure gold for me. You rock!

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NEXT WEEK on a very special "Avatar: The Last Dragon"...

Iroh drinks Tea! Old friends are found and a plan is hatched.

TUNE IN. Same Zuko time, Same Zuko channel!

Original post date: 7 October 2018