PUNISHMENTS, REDEMPTION, & FORGIVENESS
Leo picked up the items from the floor in front of his son, and immediately became furious with Ben for what he held in his hand. BEN WHAT THE HELL IS THIS & WHAT IS IT DOING IN MY HOUSE, he said furiously glaring at Ben with such anger and disappointment. Ben, looked at his father with both shame, and fear. He had never meant for his father to find the drugs, especially since he had decided to not to use them, but get rid of them only moments before.
He, realized there was no way of getting out of this so he took a deep breath, and began to explain everything to his father, since he had just promised not to do anything stupid again. Dad, let me explain and give me a moment to apologize. Apologize, Leo responded. Apologizing is all you seem to be doing lately. You apologize for sleeping with Adrian to get back at Ricky and Amy.
You apologize for getting Adrian pregnant. You apologize for walking out on Adrian after you asked her to marry you, and give up when she loses the baby. Then you apologize when you get drunk, and humiliate yourself at Geoff's. You apologize when you let Nora get drunk while trying to help you. You apologize when Adrian decides to end the marriage ahead of you. Now you have to apologize for bringing drugs into my house. I just don't know what is wrong with you son.
Is this what you thought would make you feel better. Dad, Ben began to interrupt. NO! Leo replied. I don't want to hear anymore. I'm tired and I'm going to bed and you, you're grounded till the morning, and I don't want to see you again until I can think of a punishment suitable for you. Why, why can't you be more like Ricky, and accept responsibility, for your actions instead of always, making some stupid decision. It was at those words that Ben, not Leo who became angry, and furious.
To be put down on a lower level than Ricky by his own father, had awakened something in Ben that he himself did not know was there. Anger and rage that he had felt only a few times in his life. Once when his mother died, and he was angry that she had been taken from him at such a young age. The night his daughter died when she too had been taken from him. The day Adrian cleared out the nursery without talking to him about it, and earlier that morning when he attacked Henry for what he and Adrian had done the night before.
Ricky, Dad; Ben said with an angry sneer. Be more like Ricky, is that what I should do. You mean like going out and sleeping with any woman that moves because I can. Be like Ricky by getting naïve stupid girls pregnant, and then ignoring them, while I continue to sleep with other women. Or have a guy that is totally clueless to how selfish and inconsiderate a guy can be and letting him do all the work, then moving in and taking credit for all he has done. Or using someone who is already fragile from the horrible life she has had to live and using her, and using her till she is to broken too love anyone else including herself. Or do you mean by being a great father to a child I never even wanted. Or a fiancé and boyfriend to a girl who I only used in a one night stand at band camp. Or do you mean by pretending to be so lonely because I was molested by my father, and my mom used drugs. I CAN'T BE LIKE HIM DAD! I don't want to be like him. You never molested me, so I don't have an excuse for my actions. My mom didn't use drugs she died remember.
I can't be a father to my little girl because she died before she was even born. I tried to use a woman for sex like Ricky, did and that didn't turn out so well remember. I can't even be a husband to the woman I love because she is too busy sleeping with every guy who will show her attention just to get the love that I was too stupid to give her, all because of my obsession with a girl, that only used me for two years. All, so the creep that knocked her up could steal my life from me, while he whored himself around school, and town to every woman with a pulse.
Ben, Leo said with a saddened voice. He never realized just how much Ben felt he had lost, until then. He always knew that Ben was still hurting from the loss of his mother, and his daughter, but he never realized how much. He also never realized that Ben, was so jealous of Ricky, or how he had helped that jealousy evolve. No, Dad, Ben cut him off. This is real, I have been a big disappointment to you, and lets' face it Ricky's everything you could want as a son. He's even won the governor award winner, and engaged to Amy so you know what go ahead and adopt him. I'm, sure Margaret and Shakur, wouldn't mind sharing him with you. But, let me clear the air first. I wasn't going to use those drugs, I bought them when I thought I was at my lowest today when I saw Adrian, and Hank, but this beats that moment, so thanks.
I even decided that I was going to throw them, away and be the son you wanted me to be. But, Ricky already is so you can have him, take him, give him the shop, the company, all your money, even your last name, I don't give a damn anymore. You can punish me it's your house, and I do live under your roof, so I have to live by your rules. But, I'm almost out of high school, and as soon as I am you can have your perfect life with Camille, Ricky, Amy, John, and whoever. I'm leaving and getting the hell out of here, and never coming back.
Leo was taken in shock, at all of Ben's statements, somewhere in all that happened, from his marriage to Betty to Ben's marriage to Adrian, he lost his son. As, Ben walked into his room he slammed the door, and Leo heard the click as he clocked it. Leo then turned and went back to his own room, where Camille lied in his bed waiting for him. He put the drugs he had found on the night stand and sat down, slowly on the side of the bed. Camille, looked at Leo, and touched his shoulder with a loving expression. She leaned into him and tried to console him for she had heard the entire argument between he, and Ben.
What is happening to the two of us, Camille. Ben, and I used to be so close, and we could tell each other anything. Now it feels as if he and I are two different people, people who are complete strangers. I just don't know what to do anymore, Leo said with his voice filled with sorrow and regret. Well, you could try and start by talking to him Leo, Camille responded. We, have talked, he replied. Really, Leo she responded. Because so far you haven't even asked him how he really feels about divorcing Adrian, or about him losing Mercy.
He told me how he felt, and how it made him feel when we were in therapy together, Leo replied. Leo, do you really think that Ben told you all how he really feels, or did he just tell you parts of it. Ben, is a kind, and selfless person who doesn't want to bring pain or heartache to anyone. He keeps his own pain inside so no one really knows how he is hurting, because he wants to be the son he thinks you want him to be. He's just to kind to bring it all to the surface, and now I think for once in his life he is finally letting the real Ben, come out.
But, Camille he told me that he wanted to get a divorce, heck he even moved out because the situation was so bad, he only stayed for Adrian. Leo, did it ever occur to you that he wanted out, because he didn't know what else to do. She was his wife, and she was hurting and he couldn't find a way to stop it. He stayed because, he loved her but he wanted to leave because he didn't know how to fix the situation.
Why do you think he got drunk after he left, Ben was hurting, and he felt guilty. He just didn't know what to do, and when Adrian decided that she wanted him to leave, he decided that perhaps it was for the best. But, for her to want him to leave because like Amy, she also wanted Ricky was even more of a blow to his pride. Because he feels that Ricky is still the better man, while as usual he never measures up to the situation. I can understand that Camille, Leo responded. You don't think that I haven't realized by now that Ben feels inferior to Ricky.
Well Leo, Camille began, have you? You were the one that offered Ricky, a job at your shop, and gave him the apartment. I was trying to help. Leo replied. Help who Leo, Ricky, or Ben. You gave Ricky the apartment that was supposed to be for Ben, when he got older. But, instead you gave it to the man, who impregnated his girlfriend, and used it to seduce his current wife and God knows how many other women.
Leo was surprised to hear Camille talk about Ricky like this, not because she talked as though she didn't like Ricky, but because she was right. He gave the apartment to Ricky in order for him to help raise John, and help him prove to Amy that he was responsible enough to be a father. But, he had to admit from all the reports he got from Bunny, during the first two years he lived there, Ricky did not use the apartment for the reason's he intended. So, you're saying that by me helping Ricky, all I did was hurt Ben in the process, Leo replied. No, I'm saying that you can't always have it both ways.
I know you love Ricky like a son, and that you feel bad for him, and all he has had to endure. But, Ricky isn't your son, and Ben is, and so far Ben has not only had to compete with Ricky for Amy, and John, and Adrian, but also for you. But, unlike Ricky, Ben doesn't have another family to fall back on, if he loses, Camille said with sorrow. Ricky's dad was a horrible person, if you can even call him his dad. And although Nora was not there for him when he was a child she is here for him now, and from what I've seen she is a good woman, now that she is getting help for her problem.
But, on top of that Ricky has Shakur, and Margaret, and they've been there for him for so long. Ben doesn't have that, he only had you me, Bunny, and his friends. He doesn't come to me for support because he always felt as though he was betraying his mom. Bunny, has her own children to take care of, and she has even taken Ricky, under her wing. You took a liking to Ricky, and he feels, all he does is let you down. Now, his friends have in a way abandoned him, so what does he do in order to get rid of all the feelings that he has kept locked away for so long.
So, you're saying that I may be the reason my son is drinking, and doing drugs. Leo, I'm saying that you are the reason your son, and you are not close. Maybe it's time you stop trying to be a friend, and father figure to everyone else, and start being a father to him. But, with this thing with Betty, and the company, when do I have the time. Leo said with remorse in his voice for realizing the truth in Camille's words. Maybe the company is where you need to start, you always said that you wanted, Ben to take control of the company one day, so perhaps you should get him more involved in it, Camille stated.
But, he doesn't want to be involved in the company, you've heard him, Leo replied. Well, maybe his punishment should be that he gets more involved. I mean you always said that he had a good head on his shoulders for business, and even though I haven't been there in a while. I know the mailroom could use some help. Camille said with enthusiasm. You know what, Leo said with a happy tone, thank you for being with me, because I don't think I could have thought of this on my own.
THE NEXT MORNING BOYKEWICH ESTATE 8:00 AM
Leo woke up early, and decided to go into the kitchen, and make breakfast for the entire family, he, Ben, and Camille. He realized that it had been years since he had done that for his son, made him breakfast, and today he decided he wanted to make a fresh start with him, and hopefully, get more perspective on Ben's feelings. Ben, however did not wake up in a good mood the day before had haunted his dreams, he remembered seeing Adrian, and Henry together.
He dreamed of the brutal beating he gave to Henry, and buying drugs at that gas station, he also remembered how he almost slept with Alice. But, most of all he remembered what his father had said to him about how he should be more like Ricky. Usually he would apologize for the words he had spoken to his father, and how he reacted to the pot his father found. But, he wouldn't not after those words his father spoke to him.
He swore to keep his promise to Mercy and his mom about being a better man, but he decided that after that statement he would be his own man. My own man he thought, for so long he had been trying to follow in his father's footsteps, and doing what he thought his dad would have done. But, so far that only left him with shame, and disappointment. Now, he would do what he wanted, sure he would still live by his fathers' rules but, only until graduation and only on his terms.
As Ben, got up from Bed he began to smell, eggs, pancakes, and sausage cooking, since the cook usually had the weekend off he wondered who was making breakfast. As he sat in his room, there was a knock at his door, and in appeared Leo with a full tray of food. Morning, son was all Leo could say as he came into the room with the platter. Good morning, was Ben's only response. Ben, Leo began I know last night I was angry for what I found, and I'm sorry for how I responded. Don't, Ben stopped him.
Don't apologize for something that we both know that you meant. I don't want to try and smooth this over with food, and apologies, because it can't be smoothed over, and accept for the drugs, which I was already going to throw away, I have nothing to be sorry for. I'm sorry that I bought drugs, and that I bought them into your house, and I intend to take whatever punishment you have for me. But, I'm not sorry for what I said, and I meant every last word.
I'm not going to stay here any longer than I have to just so I can keep up this competition of trying to be your son "The Sausage Prince". My whole life, that's all people knew me as; "The Sausage Prince", or "Leo Boykewich's Son", and I'm tired of it. I have spent my whole life trying to do what you would do, and yes I went overboard with it a lot. I went overboard with both Amy, and Adrian, but not anymore. From now on I'm just going to be Ben. So tell me what my punishment is so I can start figuring who that is.
Leo, looked at Ben with somewhat proud, and at the same time an angry expression. He never really wanted Ben, to be like him but his own man, at the same time he wanted Ben to carry, his values. Now he realized he never really explained to Ben, how to do that. He himself didn't know how Ben could be his own man, and at the same time have the values that he grew up with.
In this day, and age Leo realized that the rules that his own mother and father raised him with no longer applied in this day, and age so perhaps Ben did the best he could. He didn't leave Amy when she was pregnant with John, he stayed by her side and was their even after he was born. He even allowed Amy to be the one to decide when the relationship was over. He also did the same thing with Adrian. Sure he left once, but last night after his conversation with Camille, he realized that she was right. He himself was older than, Ben yet he could not let go of his own feelings for both Sarah, and Camille to save his marriage to Betty.
So, how could he judge Ben any different for not knowing what to do after losing his daughter, and then being so young and married. His relationship with Adrian had started so suddenly, and the reason which brought them together was also not valid. He also had to admit, that perhaps he and Reuben rushed the relationship to fast, and Ben being so young and still hung up on Amy was just swept away by everything just as Adrian was.
Now, Ben looked at Leo as he remembered looking at his own father when he told him that he and Sarah wanted to get married. His father was a harsh man, who believed in the traditional marriage, which usually meant that it was the parents who selected the bride. But, Leo had loved Sarah, since he was eleven years old and he was hard set on making her his wife, so his father could not refuse his request. Leo never understood what made his father so upset about, him wanting to marry Sarah so young, and after Ben wanted to marry Adrian so young he understood.
Ben, wanted to be seen as a man to his father just as he wanted to be seen as a man to his own father23. But, unlike Ben Leo was ready for that responsibility, and would let nothing deter him from his destiny with Sarah. Now Benjamin looked at him just as he did, and Leo realized his son had finally become the man that he thought he wanted Ben to be, but at what cost.
Well, seeing as I you are adamant about this Ben, I decided that last night, you I lost both trust and faith in your ability to reason. So, from now on until I believe that you can be trusted to make better judgment, you will not be allowed to be on your own. Leo replied. That would be, Ben asked. You will give me your car keys' and from this point on Mike will be driving you again wherever it is that you have to go, Leo answered back.
You will also be going to summer school, that way you can occupy your time with studies and nothing else. You will also keep you cell phone with you at all times, it has GPS, and I will be calling you periodically so I know where you are. Sounds reasonable, Ben said, as he reached for his car keys and handed them to Leo. Also you won't be working in the butcher shop any longer, I want to keep a closer eye on you and have decided to place you in the mail room at the company.
What, Ben said. I don't mind not working at the shop, anymore I was going to quit anyway, but why the mail room at the company. I told you I don't want to be a part of it anymore. I know what you said Ben, Leo retorted, but like I told you on more than one occasion, I built this company for you, and its' about time you truly learned to appreciate what I did, so I could leave you something to inherit.
Ben, I know I have put a lot of interest in Ricky, and I know I probably escalated this rivalry, between you two. But, what I did for Ricky was, because I felt sympathy for him and what he has gone through, and I never intended for it to mean that I loved him more than I loved you.
Boykewich Industries, is your birth right and heritage not his. I really hope by working with me you will begin to understand that. You're my son, and I love you, and even though I am proud of Ricky for his accomplishments, I am even more proud of you for all of yours. You stepped up, and you were there for both Amy, and Adrian when they needed someone. You were there for Ricky, when he needed a friend, and I'm sorry that I didn't realize that no one was there for you when you needed someone in return.
I hope, this summer you will begin to see, that you are my son and the only person in this world who I would do anything for. And, I'm sorry for all you have had to endure, but I hope you and I can overcome that together, as family, Leo said with much heart in feeling in his voice. But, even as he said it Ben, did not take it in, he only looked at Leo, and said. Well, Dad you can try. But, I don't think it will change anything, I still intend to leave next year as soon, as they say I'm done. And summer school will only help me get out of here faster. Ben replied with little empathy in his voice. Well maybe at the end of this summer son you won't feel that way, Leo responded. I doubt it Ben replied back.
So where is Mike? Ben asked. He hasn't made it in yet he should be here about nine o'clock why. I need him to take me somewhere, I also need the Adrian's ring back. Ben, you aren't going to see her, not after yesterday. Yes, I am, like I have some things I have to put straight, and one of those things is her. Dad please, Ben said as he looked at his father with a look of pride. Okay Leo responded as he went into the den to call Mike and retrieve the sapphire ring Adrian had given him the night before.
LATER AT THE CONDO….
Adrian, was beginning to pull her clothes from the drawers as she looked around her bedroom, that she once shared with Ben, and remembered how they first came in so happy. She was wearing her wedding dress, and Ben his tux, they stood in the doorway looking into one another's eyes with such passion, and love. It was then that she saw Ben, knock on the bedroom door, and walk in. Ben, she said with shock not expecting to see him. I was just getting my things. Why, he asked looking confused. Because, I figured that after what happened, you would want to take it back, I mean… Adrian stop, Ben interrupted her.
I came to talk to you about that, and let you know that it doesn't affect anything between you and me. What!, Adrian said with a shrill shock in her voice. Ben, I don't deserve your kindness, or your friendship after what I did, and I definitely don't deserve to stay in this condo, at your expense. Well, considering everything that has happened, it's the least I can do. Ben replied. Ben, are you okay, because you didn't do anything wrong, I'm the one that messed up our marriage, and our friendship.
Adrian, Ben said with a kind tone. I'm the one that messed up our marriage, and in a way our friendship. I slept with you when we both were vulnerable, and angry. Yeah, you propositioned me, and I should have said no, but I didn't. I let my anger, and my hormones, get the best of me, and instead of thinking about our actions, I just chose to make more bad decisions.
You were pregnant, and I should have just been your friend, and the father to our child, and let whatever happened between us happen, not try and rush into a marriage to please our parents. I also should have kept the vows, that I made to you when we were married for better or worse. We lost our daughter, and that was the worse anyone can ever go through, and I didn't stick by you. Instead I was ready to run, because I was a coward who couldn't deal with my grief let alone yours. You were my wife, and my friend, I should have been there for you. Ben, you were, Adrian responded. I was the one who let my stupid slutty side get back into my head and destroy everything like I always do.
Adrian, STOP! Ben, yelled. You are not a slut, and you made mistakes, you're human, and you made bad choices. We both made bad choices. But, the only thing we can do now is try to learn from those mistakes, and not make them anymore. Ben, Adrian said with a tear coming from her eye. Why do you do that? Why do you let me hurt you, and still try and make me feel better? Because, Adrian you're my friend and I care about you. You were the mother of my child, and legally still my wife. I broke a promise to you once, and I don't intend to break another one. I promised to always be your friend, and be there for you no matter what, and that is a promise I intend to keep. But, Ben; what about you and Henry, she asked. Henry, and I are different, I made no such promise to him, and he is on a different level than you and I.
But, Ben. Adrian was about to say, before Ben put his finger to her lips. Adrian, this is my choice to make who to forgive, and who not too, not yours. And, no matter what you say, I'm still going to forgive you. Ben responded. But, why Ben was all Adrian, could reply. Because, maybe if you can see that I can forgive you, you'll finally start to realize that you should forgive yourself. Here, you left this at my house, Ben told her as he held the sapphire ring in his hand offering it to her. Ben, I don't deserve to wear this anymore. Adrian, you don't have to wear it, but you do have to keep it. I promised it to you and only you, as a symbol of our friendship to one another.
Adrian, took the ring with a heavy heart, and tears falling from her eyes. She wondered to herself, why she could not have realized, that Ben, unlike others truly cared for, and loved her. She looked at him, and saw something in his eyes that she couldn't quite put her finger on, as thought the Ben talking to her was different from the one she married. He still appeared sweet, and understanding, yet there was something different. He, lowered himself kissed her forhead, and hugged her.
Then he turned to leave. Ben she said, as he was leaving maybe we can hang out sometime this summer, I mean after my classes. Well, I don't think I will have the time, but I'll try, Ben said. I'll see you in summer school, he yelled back as he walked out the door. Summer school, she ran after him wondering about his last remark. Ben, I thought you didn't have to go to summer school, she asked. I didn't at first, but I made one more mistake last night that I have to atone for. Its why I had to be driven here. What did your dad, take your car or something. Yeah, Mike is my new babysitter. He responded with a sly grin and got inside the limo and drove away.
Adrian, went back into the condo and sat down holding the ring. She began to think about, what was so different about her soon to be ex-husband. Then she realized his eyes were not the same. Somehow Ben, had lost that innocent doe eyed expression that she so loved about him. She sat back on her sofa, and brought her knees to her chin wondering what else she made Ben, lose after he caught her, and Henry together. Why she thought. Why do I only bring him pain, when all he does try to bring me joy. She wondered as she turned the ring in her hands.
.
