AN: The first bit is smutty, since I have had multiple requests for this particular scene. ;-)
I woke up just in time / now I wake up by your side
Two (ish) years earlier.
The side of her head against the window, Amanda yawned. She hated when Sonny drove, mostly because being a passenger was boring. The five and a half hour journey back to the city from Rochester wasn't even scenic - it was all abandoned factories and long stretches of tree-lined roads. Two hours in, it was pitch black except the occasional glare of passing headlights in the opposite direction. Amanda was hoping to at least see a deer, but so far, no such luck.
Her eyes flickered downward when she felt Sonny's hand on her knee. She watched his fingers slowly creep up her thigh and a shiver of excitement rolled down her spine. Blue eyes narrow, she studied Sonny's profile: he was watching the road intently. "Don't start something you can't finish." Her tone was more seductive than threatening.
Even in the dark, Amanda saw a smirk cross his features. His palm paused, but his other hand flipped the blinker to veer the car toward an off-ramp very clearly marked no service exit. Suppressing a smile, she felt her heart begin to beat quicker in both surprise and anticipation. Off of the highway, everything was dark and desolate; it was clearly just a reprieve for tired drivers who needed a break. Sonny maneuvered the city-issued sedan off of the road onto the grass, just far enough away from any occasional traffic.
Putting the car in 'park,' he glanced over at her, and Amanda stared back. Simultaneously, they unbuckled their seat belts and flung open their respective doors just to pull open the two back ones. Their bodies met in the center of the backseat, a quick tangle of long limbs until she was straddling him and her face was trapped between his palms as he kissed her. The excitement of doing something they shouldn't and the force with which Sonny's mouth met hers took Amanda's breath away. His hands fell from her cheeks so he could blindly fumble with the button of her pants and she let out a little gasp of longing. His hips canted upward and she met them, both impatient in their search for stimulation.
"You look so hot today," he growled into her mouth.
"Just today?" Amanda breathed coyly. Maneuvering her fingers around his, she felt the cool metal of his belt buckle and unclasped it before she popped open his button. She shoved aside material just enough to free him from his boxers.
He groaned at the contact. "Every day."
The way he hardened beneath the teasing strokes of her hand was satisfying. If they had been anywhere other than the car, she would have taken her time with him until he was begging for it. An ache began to throb between her legs, knowing he would be inside of her soon. "Good answer."
Her touch was enough to prompt Sonny to begin to tug insistently at her clothes. In the dark, small space, it was a true test of flexibility to get her shoes, pants and underwear off without elbowing him in the face or kicking him in the crotch. Given the circumstances, there was no time for Amanda to undress at her leisure; her blouse remained on despite how warm she was getting. It was amazing how quickly desperation could start simmering in her blood when she was close to getting something she knew she shouldn't have - at least not at the side of the road on NYPD's time. She was barely out of her pants before Sonny was pulling her back to him, over him, her knees digging into the leather seats on either side of his thighs. Curled forward as not to slam her head against the roof of the car, Amanda pressed their foreheads together as she sunk down onto him.
"Yeah," he murmured approvingly as he grabbed her hips to encourage her movements. "You're all wet for me, huh? Couldn't even wait till we got home. You gonna show me how bad you want me?" he asked hotly, his tone gruff and provocative.
A shudder of arousal blossomed in the pit of her stomach at the sound of his voice. Her fingers hastily undid two buttons of the gauzy blouse she was wearing, revealing the beginnings of cleavage and nude lace, more to tease than anything. Even though it was a little confining, sometimes more clothing was sexier than none. "Mm, yes, baby," she whined, starting up the steady rhythm her body wanted. She wished she could have stretched upward, allowed his hands to feel her and his eyes to watch her, but there was still something incredibly sexy about knowing he had to have her right then and there. Having sex in a work vehicle was like a triumphant fuck you to their colleagues and superiors who looked down their noses at their inter-office relationship. Her teeth sunk into her swollen lower lip. "I want you so bad."
It was fast out of necessity: she grabbed at the back of the seat for leverage and he met her thrusts beneath her. With all of the tinted windows closed, the glass became muggy quickly with the heat from their combined exertion. Vaguely aware that they were still technically in public, both of them kept their voices quiet as to not attract any attention from passing cars. Amanda loved the sensation of Sonny's hot breath in her ear, saying her name in the voice he saved for when they were alone this way. It made her feel desirable and special (yes, she still needed to feel special). Only once did her mind stray - did I take my birth control today? Hell, did I take it yesterday? she wondered fleetingly - but Sonny's teeth against the soft flesh of her neck and chest distracted her wonderfully.
Sweaty, panting and spent, Amanda rested her sticky forehead against Sonny's. For a moment they both remained perfectly still, enjoying the aftershocks of their orgasms. He caught her mouth in a languid kiss, then the sound of something vibrating cut through the quiet. Sonny's phone was lodged between the seat by Amanda's knee and when he freed it, Liv's name shone brightly on the screen in the dark. He scrambled to pick it up.
"Hey, Lieu," he answered the call noticeably out of breath.
Amanda could have moved, but she didn't. Instead, she wriggled leisurely against him, her mouth trailing kisses against his jaw and neck while Sonny listened to whatever their lieutenant was saying. She paid special attention to his free ear: she nipped at the lobe before soothing the sting with her lips and tongue; Sonny twitched beneath her at the feeling. Insatiable and mischievous, her mind was reeling. "When we get home," she whispered huskily, giving her hips another slow, deliberate roll. "I want you to fuck me so hard I feel it in the morning."
Sonny exhaled shakily, a hand painfully tightening its grip against her ass and she wasn't sure if it was intended to be punishment or reward. "Oh, yeah, I'm fine," he promised Liv hastily, who had clearly sensed something was off. "Just tired. Yep. Okay. Copy that." When he hung up, he tossed his phone aside and looked pointedly at Amanda, very clearly pretending to be exasperated by her antics.
A smirk spread honey-slow across her features. "Hey, you started it."
Amanda dropped her bare feet into Sonny's lap with a flourish. She wriggled her toes - painted hot pink - expectantly.
"Can I help you?" Sonny asked her with a quirked eyebrow, turning his attention away from the living room television.
With a dramatic yawn, she stretched her body out in either direction like a cat before relaxing closer to him on the couch. "My feet hurt."
He gave her a look. "You'll live."
"Could you rub them?" Amanda asked sweetly.
"Are you serious?" Sonny chuckled.
"Come on, I rub your back all the time." She lifted a foot and waved it in front of his face. "Please?"
Sonny sighed, but eventually wrapped strong palms around one of her feet. She grinned, victorious, and snuggled in close to his side. The side of her head resting against the back of the couch, she watched Ruby in her swing, who had been lulled asleep by the gentle movement. Both Jesse and Luca were already in bed, and while the baby should have been in her crib, neither Amanda nor Sonny was foolish enough to disturb her when she was so peaceful.
Amanda toyed with Sonny's hair, her fingers grazing over the strands at his temples absently. "Audrey said she can babysit tomorrow, for the Knicks game."
He ran a firm thumb up her arch and appeared skeptical. "Is she sure this is where she wants to spend her Saturday night?"
"She and her boyfriend broke up," she explained." She said she'd rather be with the kids than sittin' around at home."
"Oh. Well, in that case... happy to be of service," he concluded easily.
She closed her eyes and enjoyed the sensation of his hands working tired muscles and joints. Curling in closer, she nuzzled her face into his shoulder affectionately. He smelled like soap from the shower he had taken after work and his t-shirt was soft from years of wear; little details that signified home to Amanda. "You're good at this," she murmured.
They were both surprised when the doorbell rang, then they simultaneously cringed in anticipation of Ruby waking up from the sudden sound. She remained quiet, however, barely even fidgeting beneath her blanket. Sonny hauled himself to his feet to answer the door while Amanda waited curiously on the couch.
"Tommy. Hey, come in," Sonny exclaimed once he saw who was on the front step.
"Sorry to just drop in on you," Tommy said, entering the living room. His eyes flitted to Ruby in her swing, then back to Sonny. "But I was in the neighborhood after work and..."
"Everything okay?" Amanda asked Tommy while Sonny shut the door.
"Yeah, everything's good. I just wanted to talk to you. Well, Sonny. The both of you. But, Sonny," Tommy babbled nervously.
Sonny quirked an eyebrow and sat back down next to Amanda. "Okay..." He muted the television in preparation.
Tommy dropped into a near-by arm chair. "I already talked to your pops but, ah, I wanted to ask you..."
"What, you need a kidney or something?" Sonny joked, relaxing into the sofa, long arms stretched across the back of it lazily.
"No. I mean, I don't think so." Tommy appeared something between hopeful and terrified as he looked intently at Sonny. "But I wanted to ask Bella to marry me."
The moment of silence that followed was painful. Amanda's eyes widened, but she said nothing, knowing her opinion wasn't really relevant. She eyed Sonny's strong profile: he appeared genuinely shocked.
"I finally saved enough to get her a ring," Tommy went on eagerly.
"What'd my dad say?" Sonny finally spoke.
"He said 'okay.'" Tommy added hurriedly, "but, y'know. You mean a lot to Bella-"
"She means a lot to me," he interrupted curtly.
"I know." He nodded furiously. "So, I thought maybe I'd run it by you, too..."
"That's real sweet," Amanda interjected gently. Tommy looked positively tortured with anxiety and she wanted to save him even an iota of agony. "Isn't it, Sonny?"
"Yeah, real sweet," Sonny repeated flatly.
"So...?" Tommy squeaked.
"Well, uh, I mean..." Sonny ran a hand through his mass of hair.
A flicker of fear took over Tommy's features as he most likely considered the possibility that Sonny would voice his disapproval. Amanda subtly knocked her knee against Sonny's, hoping to coax him into saying something.
"Sure, yeah. Go ahead," Sonny finally concluded.
It was hardly the most enthusiastic response, but Tommy appeared elated anyway.
"Amanda?"
Amanda's eyes fluttered open. She had been feeding the baby one last time from the big arm chair in the nursery when she heard Sonny's voice from the doorway. The comfortable seat combined with the late hour and Ruby's warm weight in the crook of her arm had her drowsy, but she managed to blink Sonny into focus anyway. "Hm?"
He looked uneasy as he crossed his arms over his chest and perched himself on the oversized arm of Amanda's chair. "I don't know about Bella gettin' married."
She rolled her eyes. "Oh, please, Sonny."
"I'm just sayin'," he went on. "Tommy's kind of..."
"He's fine. He does the best he can. He loves your sister and the kids."
"Yeah, but, he's still got legal stuff, he's been workin' at the same moving company he-"
"Congratulations, you officially sound like your father," she snorted crassly.
Sonny scowled. "Y'know, for somebody who's been goin' to a shrink for awhile, I woulda thought you'd learn to be a little more therapeutic."
She sighed and looked down at the baby, who was now asleep with the bottle in her mouth. She removed it slowly and set it aside. "Go on."
"They've broken up and gotten back together like, ten times."
Amanda settled Ruby against her shoulder and patted her back gently. The infant whimpered and hiccuped. "Tommy was drinking then."
"Bella is very... well, she doesn't think stuff through..."
"They've been doing this for years, Sonny." Standing up, she carefully passed Ruby to him so she could have free hands to fuss with the bedding in her crib. "Somehow they always work it out. And if they don't work it out, that'll suck, but aren't you always tellin' me to let people make their own choices? This is no different. They're two decent people who-"
She paused when she turned around to see Sonny cradling Ruby, a gentle knuckle grazing over the baby's soft cheek as he gazed down at her lovingly. Amanda felt her heart swell in her chest. She took a few steps to stand in front of him and set a hand on his shoulder. When he looked up, she smiled. "You're a good brother. Nobody's ever gonna be good enough for any of your sisters. Or your daughters, probably. I love that about you, because I know it's because you only ever want the best for the people you care about." Leaning in, she cupped Sonny's cheek with her palm. "But I think you did the right thing. It'll mean a lot to Bella to know you trusted her enough to make this decision."
Tilting his chin, he kissed her. "Y'think?"
"I've been tryin' to make Kim's decisions for years and look how well that worked out," she reminded him sarcastically.
Sonny liked making dinner. He found it relaxing, despite the relative chaos in their household lately. Watching Amanda attempt to cook was equal parts torturous and entertaining, although even with her competitive nature, she rarely ever attempted it. This was most likely due to the squabble that always erupted when Sonny couldn't bite his tongue and not critique the way she chopped up garlic like she was millimeters away from amputating a finger or how she always managed to cook chicken in such a manner that it ended up tasting like wood. She was much better at drinking and eating.
That night, he minced parsley on the cutting board at the kitchen island for shrimp scampi. He could hear Luca watching PAW Patrol in the adjoining living room, so mesmerized by the cartoon that he was actually silent. When Sonny heard little footsteps scamper into the kitchen, he looked up to see Jesse followed by the ever-curious Frannie.
"Can I have somebody over?" she asked. "It's not a school night."
"Sure," he agreed.
"Can they sleep over?" Jesse went on.
Sonny added the parsley and garlic into the pan he had ready on the stove. "Yeah, as long as you don't turn the whole house upside down."
"We won't!" she promised.
"Which friend is this?"
"My boyfriend."
He stopped what he was doing and quirked an eyebrow, certain he had misheard. "Excuse me?"
"My boyfriend," Jesse repeated. "His name is Jamie."
"You do not have a boyfriend," Sonny chuckled.
"Yes I do."
"You're in kindergarten."
"We hold hands and sit together every day."
He stared at the little girl, and she stared back. "Hey, Amanda?" Sonny called nervously.
"What?" Amanda appeared, reading something on her phone.
"Jesse has a boyfriend," he informed her.
To Sonny's horror, Amanda smiled as she looked up. "Oh, that's sweet."
"Absolutely not," he blurted. "No. He can't sleep over."
"But you just said!" Jesse whined.
"I take it back," Sonny told her.
"Not fair!" she shouted, stamping her foot.
"Hold up, everybody just calm down a second," Amanda interrupted.
"There's not gonna be any guys sleepin' over this house," he declared with a definitive wave of his spatula. "Not now, not ever."
"They are six years old, Sonny," Amanda laughed, as if he was being ridiculous.
"I don't care how old they are," he exclaimed. "You think it matters? Have you not been investigatin' sex crimes for the majority of your career?"
"What are sex crimes?" Jesse wondered. "What's that?"
"Nothing," her mother said hastily before turning back to Sonny. "If she wants to have a little friend stay over, I don't think it's that big of a deal."
Setting down the spatula, he rested his palms on the island and leaned in. "Look, Jesse," he said steadily, eyeing the little girl. "Boys and girls do not have sleepovers."
Jesse pouted. "You have a sleepover with mom every day!"
"That's different," he insisted. "We're married and very old."
"Excuse me? Speak for yourself," Amanda scoffed.
The kindergartener crossed her arms over her chest. "Jamie and I are getting married. That's what boyfriends and girlfriends do."
He shook his head. "Nope."
"Mama!" Jesse shrieked, arms and legs giving a dramatic flail.
"What if Jamie sleeps in Luca's room?" Amanda suggested. "In the trundle bed? I think that's a good compromise."
"We wanted to make a b-blanket fort," Jesse moaned, face red with emotion as she was on the brink of tears. "And tell ghost stories with the, with the big flashlight!"
"You can still do that," she assured her daughter gently.
All Sonny could do was roll his eyes.
"You totally undermined me."
At the sound of her husband's voice, Amanda paused halfway through pulling her shirt over her head. Her fingertips released the hem as she looked at Sonny, momentarily confused. She watched him stalk around their room, getting ready for bed, but his forehead was creased and his lips were turned down in a frown. It only took another minute for her to understand why he was pissed off.
"No, I did not," she responded slowly. "I disagreed."
"You disagreed and did what you wanted to do," Sonny retorted.
She rolled her eyes and yanked her shirt over her head. "This is dumb," she mumbled, because she really thought it was.
"It's not dumb," he insisted. "I don't want boys sleepin' over."
"You're fixin' to start an argument over a kindergartener," Amanda scoffed, rummaging around the top drawer of their dresser for a comfortable t-shirt. "He's a sweet little boy. What do you want me to do? Go across the hall, yank him from the bed and send him home?"
"No," Sonny told her curtly. His tone softened as he added, "it's just, she's my kid, isn't she?"
Her fingers froze, surprised by his question. They rarely explicitly discussed Jesse's parentage, mostly because for the longest time, Sonny had been a father to her. It was legal now and nothing had changed, but Amanda wondered if sometimes Sonny still worried that it wasn't enough. Frowning, Amanda turned around. "Of course she is."
Sonny appeared sullen as he stared at her. "Then I want to be able to have a say in what she's doin'. Or not doin'. Or... whatever."
She felt a twinge of guilt; what he was telling her wasn't necessarily untrue. Amanda tended to make decisions quickly and impulsively - then consult Sonny later when it all went to hell. She was independent to a fault, except parenting was something best tackled as a partnership. Amanda supposed she felt a special sort of protectiveness over Jesse in particular; she was the baby she never knew she wanted, the child that had taught her so many important things about herself. But in many similar ways, Jesse had changed Sonny's life, too, long before he had ever adopted her. Crossing her arms over her chest, Amanda sighed. "You're right."
His eyes widened in obvious confusion. "Huh?"
"I said 'you're right,'" she repeated. As much as it pained her, she added, "I'm sorry."
Blinking quickly in surprise, Sonny appeared to relax. "Oh. Wow. Okay."
"I mean, don't get me wrong, I still think you're being kinda ridiculous," Amanda assured him, unable to resist holding on to a bit of her self-righteousness. "But I should have talked about it with you before telling Jesse it was okay."
Sonny nodded, pacified by her apology, and sunk down on the edge of the bed. "It freaks me out."
Plucking a shirt from the dresser, Amanda freed herself from her bra and tugged it over her head. "What does?" she asked when her head popped through the collar. Reaching for her brush, she ran it through her hair while she studied Sonny.
"Knowing all the shit kids do to one another. Or adults do to them," he explained grimly. "She's the age we always see it happening, 'cause they are impressionable and curious and wantin' approval... I just... she's always been a baby to me and it felt easier to protect her then."
"Sonny... I'm sure as hell not naive to what's out there, but we can't keep her in a bubble," Amanda sighed. "Or any of them."
"I know that. Of course I know that," he insisted. "It's just easier in theory than it is in practice."
"No daughter of mine is gonna be a shrinking violet. She's gonna learn to take care of herself," she declared firmly, setting her brush down and pulling the gold studs out of her ears. "Until then, she's got you. If you wanna start cleanin' your gun every time a boy comes over, go right ahead, but we at least have to give her a chance to socialize with her peers."
He grumbled, "can't she socialize with girls?"
"She does. Look, if this was Luca who had a little girlfriend, you'd be high-fiving him - and don't tell me that isn't the truth," she challenged him bluntly.
Sonny glowered wordlessly.
"You've got no idea what it's like to be a girl in the middle of all these double-standards," Amanda went on. "Both Jesse and Ruby are gonna get enough of that outside of here, I don't want it happening at home."
He put both of his hands up in surrender. "Alright, alright. I'm not tryin' to keep the playing field uneven. I just want her to be safe."
Amanda frowned; she believed him. "I know it's hard to put aside all the crap we see at work. I think about it all the time," she admitted. She sat down next to him on the edge of the bed. "Sometimes I want to talk to Liv about it, but she's... she isn't always very open about bein' a mom with me. I have to wonder if that's on purpose, y'know? Like she's really trying hard to keep both worlds separate."
He shrugged. "Yeah, probably. She's always been really private, though."
Studying his profile in silence, a small smile tugged at her lips. He had always worn his heart on his sleeve, but sometimes Amanda forgot to appreciate how rare and wonderful that really was. Turning toward him, she wrapped her arms around Sonny in a sideways hug. Chin on his shoulder as she squeezed, she murmured in amazement, "you're so good. Please don't ever stop being so good."
Another AN: I don't think Tommy and Bella were married during "Parole Violations" but if they were that's too dang bad this series is already so off the rails who cares!
