I own nothing the chararcters are owned by Brenda Hampton & the writers & producers of ABCFAMILY CHANNEL.
REVELATIONS & REALIZATIONS
Ricky walked through the door of the apartment and threw his keys on the table, he hung up his jacket, and sat down on the couch with a frustrated look on his face as he rubbed his forehead. He thought that driving would help clear his head then realized that he needed to save on gas. So he parked his car and went for a walk. He walked around for a while before he decided to head home. He still had not gotten Ben's words out of his head. "The worst part Ricky you never even asked what my daughters name was."
Ben, was right he was a bad friend, and after having walked around he came to a realization that even though he had done a lot of good things in his life it still did not erase all the bad things he had done. He helped his family when they were sick, but he did that because they were his family. He was there for his son when ever he called to him. But, John was his son that was his job as his father, it was also a promise that he made to his son on the day he was born. Now he was faithful to Amy, but he thought to himself why now. "Why is it I can be faithful to Amy, and do all this stuff for my family, but I couldn't do it for anyone else/" he said out loud.
"Ricky, is that you are you home?", Amy said as she came into the living room from John' room. "Ricky you're home, I was worried that something had happened to you when I called and you didn't pick up". No, I'm fine, Amy, he said looking at her with a troubled expression. "Amy, do you know what Ben and Adrian named their daughter, he asked looking guilty?" Yeah, they named her Mercy, she said in a wonder. In all the time that had passed since Adrian and Ben lost their child Ricky had usually stayed away from that subject. This was the first time he had ever showed any interest in their child since the day she died.
"Ricky, what is it, what happened did you and Ben get into a fight?" "Yeah, we did get into an argument," he said looking remorseful over the words that he had spoken to his now ex friend. So what happened you didn't say something that made things worse did you? Amy asked concerned over the situation. "Amy the situation between all of us has been worse for a long time and nothing I say or do can ever make it better" Ricky don't be so tough on yourself, its' not your fault Ben lets' Adrian make a fool of himself" with a dark tone in her voice.
Why would you say that Amy, he asked looking at her with scorn." Every time something doesn't go your way with me or Ben, you automatically blame Adrian. Why is it no matter what happens you always seem to think she is at fault for what happens to you, me, or Ben? "Ricky, its just that she always is. She is the one who started all this." If she wouldn't have slept with Henry in the first place we would all still be friends."Friends, were we friends Amy, or we all just kids, who let ourselves be trapped in bad situation because we all fell in love with the wrong people.
Ricky why are you saying that?" Amy asked becoming frightened at Ricky's tone as he seemed be getting mad at her for some unknown reason. "Because, Amy, you and I started all this not Adrian and Henry." You and I started all this three years ago at band camp when we had sex and I got you pregnant with John. Ricky, just because we had sex it doesn't make us responsible for what happened to Ben and Adrian." she replied. "No it doesn't, but everything we did after that does." he said now settling down his tone and looking at his fiancee.
"Amy why did you first sleep with me" was all Ricky could say when she spoke those words. "Honey what are you talking about" she responded. "I want to know what is it that made you first sleep with me at band camp that night." Amy you knew me for less than twelve hours but it only took me fifteen minutes to sleep with you and get you pregnant." I want to know why? "Ben was with you for two years, and he put up with all of the drama that came with the situation, and then some." So I'm asking why is it that you slept with me in only twelve hours, but you never once slept with him in two years.
Amy looked at Ricky with shock, and a feeling of shame. Shame that she didn't know existed in her. She had never once been asked that question accept for Ashley, but she never thought of all the people to ask it again it would be Ricky. But, just like Ashley she had no answer for him, because she never understood why. Ben loved her, adored her, comforted her, supported her, and he was there for her, but she never knew or understood why she didn't want to be with him on that level. She also didn't understand why she never wanted anyone else to be with him on that level either.
So, tell me Amy why did you have sex with me that night, why did you have sex with me the night Adrian, and Ben lost their daughter and we had only been dating for six months. But, you wouldn't let Ben touch you in two years. "Ricky, why are you acting like this she said with tears forming in her eyes.". "Because Amy, I need to know why you slept with me at band camp, then waited to years to sleep with me agian, only after I had turned into the man that Ben already was?"
"Ricky she said trying to compose herself you and Ben are different." No, Amy only our lives are different, but the men we are or the man I am now was the very man Ben was two years ago." "So tell me why you slept with me and not him."Because I love you Ricky, was all she could say. But, Ricky looked at her and said "Then what did you feel for Ben in all that time Amy." In two years why did you tell him I love you, and keep him waiting and anticipating if you were in love with me".
Amy looked at Ricky and didn't know what to say. She had told Ben that she loved him so many times, and each time he heard it she knew that it gave him hope to go on. It gave him strength to endure their relationship, her pregnancy, and also the humiliation that he received for dating the pregnant girl who wasn' t even carrying his child. She wondered herself why she did that. Why she continued to keep Ben holding on to her, if she never really planned to end up with him. "I don't know." was all she could reply as Ricky looked at her. "But, why did you do the same to Adrian," she asked retaliating against his question with her own.
"Because I could" was his response. Ricky said it with a cold and calm expression that he knew resembled the one his father would give him, when he would ask why he hurt him. "Because Adrian was there and she knew the type of person I was, but she loved me anyway." Because she hoped that one day I would be the person that she could hold on too and I knew that wouldn't be." "But, I didn't care if it hurt her, or how she felt." Because whether I liked it or not "I AM MY FATHERS' SON":
"Ricky why would you say something like that?" shocked at his response to her question. "Because it's true Amy, you know its true and so do I." I hurt Adrian and every other girl I have ever been with for the very same reason my father hurt me." Because I was in pain and I was angry and I didn't feel good about myself until I made someone else feel as bad as myself." he said coming to hears after he spoke.
"Adrian loved me, Amy she really loved me, and I never let myself love her or really tried to love her because I knew that she was broken, and I would hurt her." "She knew what she was getting into Ricky, when she was with you, you told me that yourself a thousand times." Amy replied as she began to cry as well. "Did she?" Did she really understand, after all the times I said that I loved her, after all the times she confided in me, and I confided in her only to have me push her away, every time she got close or I got to close." he said remembering his past with Adrian.
"Amy the main reason I am the man I am now is because of her." Because she never let me give up on myself and give into the part of me that is my father." She allowed me to use her in what ever way because she loved me just that much." "And how did I repay her for being there for me, by abandoning her whenever she needed me just like everyone else has ever done to her in her life." From her parents, to her first love, to all the other guys, that slept with her." "Even her own child left her when she needed her." he said with a sob.
"She lost her child Amy, her daughter before she was even born, and she was actually happy at becoming a mother. She was happy because she knew her daughter would never abandon her, and neither would Ben." "But then her daughter died, and that served as a bigger reminder to her as to how much her life sucked." "And she reached out to me Amy, she wanted me to help her get through it, but I did what I always did." I ran, I avoided her, and I made excuses. If I ever owed anyone for helping me in my life it was Adrian." he then sat down and placed his hands in his head
But, Ricky we tried to be there for her, Amy said trying to soothe his guilt." No Amy you were there he said. And honestly the last person who should have been there is you. Because you have John and you, have me and you even still had Ben. By you coming around without me it made him lose faith in his marriage to Adrian." Ricky we can't blame ourselves for what happened to them, Ben had doubts about their marriage from the beginning." Amy said trying to reassure Ricky.
And you think I don't have doubts about us Amy, he replied." You don't think I worry on whether or not we are getting married just to show everyone how right for each other we are when we might not be. "What makes you so sure that we can last when Ben and Adrian couldn't" Because Ricky, we love each other, Ben and Adrian only got married because she was pregnant. They even only slept together to get back at us, she said despondently. "Amy we have already had this conversation, and no matter how much you try to convince me or yourself that them sleeping together was just about revenge the more we both know that it wasn't.
"Ricky please, if I hadn't told Ben about the kiss then he would have never slept with Adrian, she said becoming angry." So why did you Amy, he replied. "What?" she said not understanding his question. Why did you tell him about the kiss, Amy?" Why did you even kiss me, he asked still becoming agitated.
"Ricky we were only practice kissing, she said in stammer." Amy don't' give me that, we both know it was more than that, he said standing up to face her.
"So tell me why did you kiss me? Why did you get on birth control after you broke up with Ben? Why did start carrying condoms. Why would you break up with Ben, and start a relationship with me after you found out Adrian was pregnant, Amy' Why did you stay in a relationship with Ben for so long, if you never really loved him." "Ricky I DON' KNOW" was all she could say and began to cry..
I really don't know, she said sobbing and sitting on the sofa. I just needed him, I guess, she said still sobbing. He was there for me and you weren't, and I needed someone to help me. Ben was there so I guess I used him like you used Adrian, I guess. 'So whether we like it or not Amy we are at fault, he said sitting down beside her and consoling her. "Adrian was broken when I met her and I kept breaking the glass, because I needed her. I needed her to help me become a better person, which is why I didn't let her move on whenever she tried to let go of me." Its why I didn't like it when she and Ben started to become friends, and probably why you didn't like it either. Because they could have been good for each other, but we never let them truly find that out until it was too late.
Adrian was already broken from her life, her relationship with me, and when she lost Mercy, she finally fell apart" Ricky said as they sat together. Ben, was empty from the void that his mom left when she died and he felt guilty for hurting me when he slept with Adrian, and when his daughter died the void got even bigger." .Amy said in a reluctant tone. He couldn't hold Adrian together or put her back together, when he was falling in on himself she said knowing how hard Ben would try and help the woman he loved, but knew his limitations even more than anyone else.
"The only person who has ever truly been there for Adrian in all her life was Ben, and even he left her after it got too much." "The only difference is, he was the better man and went back, because he does love her, Ricky said bitterly. And Adrian loves him, but she doesn't like to need someone, because she believes they will eventually hurt her, like you did. Amy said with grief. "So they both love each other, but because of their guilt from relationships with us, and the way they first started neither of them was ready to be in love with each other, Ricky said with sorrow.
"So when we decided to let you kiss Adrian, and giving her what she wanted, we weren't really giving her what she needed." Amy said. And what she needed was help from her family, her friends, and her husband, " Ricky added. Just like Ben needed to be let off the hook by me for feeling so guilty over sleeping with Adrian that night. Ricky said. I don't think it's you Amy that he feels guilty for hurting, I think I'm the one who he feels guilty, because I was his friend and I made him think that he was the cause of my break from Adrian. When it was really me using that night they spent together as an excuse to let Adrian free, herself from me without feeling guilty myself.." he said becoming angry at himself.
What are we going to do to fix this Ricky, Amy said looking at him now calmed and for once relieved that she had spoken the truth about her actions. I don't know Amy, honestly I don't think there is anything we can do, accept honor Ben's wishes and stay away from he and Adrian." And we can hope that they can one day find their way back to each other or find a way to move on with their lives. So that way, they find other people who will do for them what we never did, and what they never got a chance to really do for each other." Ricky said with guilt in his voice. "What's that she asked" "Love them for who they are."
