Maggie snagged the mic from the emcee with an exaggerated motion, practically prancing to the middle of the stage. For a moment she just stood there as the applause died down, and then she waited a little longer for a bit of a silence to fall over the crowd.

"To be or not to be, that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of trouble and by opposing end them? To die, to sleep, no more. And by a sleep, to say we end the heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep. To sleep, perchance to dream. Ay, there's the rub, for in that death of sleep what dreams may come when we have shuffled off this mortal coil must give us pause..."

She took another obnoxious beat, waiting for the telltale awkward cough. "Seriously, how fucked up would it be if that was my entire bit?" Tension finally broken, she got the laughter she wanted. Of course, it wasn't quite as punchy as she had been hoping for, so she made a mental note to find a shorter soliloquy to recite. "Never addressed it, never talked about it, just monologued for ten minutes and then thanked you for giving me this chance to audition for your play?" She chuckled and fiddled with the mic stand as she continued. "Anyone who's seen me perform before knows I uh... I messed around with some awful performance art concepts, and people had to sit me down and tell me, with love, 'It's incredibly terrible and you should feel bad'. So, tonight I'm doing this raw. L~~~~~adies."

The dirty joke definitely got a better laugh, and that pretentious voice in her brain bemoaned the inability to get that kind of reaction from a smarter bit. After that, Maggie kept to a more standard set. Despite her playful conversation with her roommates, she had no intention of overdoing it tonight. The point of experiences like this was to try out new jokes, and she knew that she couldn't get by forever on doing silly gimmicks. Sometimes, you just had to learn how to be funny.

She made careful mental notes of how each one was received by the audience. Naturally, stuff about being trans or being a witch tended to get less of a laugh – however, things that merely incorporated the information but still worked more universally actually got bigger laughs. It was a good sign, because it meant that she could use things from her own life without worrying about whether it would be too alienating. There was no way in hell Maggie was ever going to avoid talking about her own shit. Stage therapy was vital.

"And of course I'm just like... motherfucker, please. If you're not giving your girlfriend that good dick, I definitely will." Ending on a high note, Maggie figured that was the best place to let it go. "Thank you guys so much for coming out to see us! Big ups to my roomie Velvet for letting me drag her along. She's the one there dressed all 'goffick' and shit. And naturally, to my girlfriend Eleanor for showing her pretty face tonight. Love you babe!" Sure enough, the redhead's face was burning hot as the sun and she snickered in delight. "I'm joking. Eleanor is tragically straight. No clue how she ended up with our gay asses, but it's a funny old world. Give it up one more time for all of our fabulous performers and be sure to tip the bartender!"

Dancing back to the table, Maggie snatched up her glass and downed the last of it in victory. Poor Eleanor was still hiding her face, but she was shocked to see an honest-to-goodness smile on Velvet's face. "I was promised an opportunity to see you crash and burn. How dare you deny me that joy, go up there, and do an actual good job."

Maggie gasped dramatically, clutching at her non-existent pearls. "My word, was that very nearly a sort-of kind-of compliment?"

"No..." she said with an air of faux anger, sipping from her drink that she apparently got refilled at some point. "That was an accusation of lying. Nothing more, nothing less."

Finally Eleanor's head rose from where it had been buried in her arms and she rushed to drink the rest of her sangria. "Why did you do that? That was so embarrassing!"

Maggie chuckled and flopped down in her seat. "Um, because it was hilarious. And I haven't had nearly enough chances to get a good jab at you. You're my friend, it comes with the territory."

"And!" she said suddenly, revealing that this was apparently her second drink as well, judging by the slight slurring. "And! You called me... tragically straight. Which isn't even..." Eleanor said more after that, but she quickly dropped her volume to a whisper.

That seemed to get Velvet's attention as well, and Maggie craned her ear closer as though she were an elderly woman. "I'm sorry, hon, I didn't quite catch that. You'll have to speak up..."

"I'm not straight!" While the entire bar hadn't heard that, a fair portion of it most certainly had, and Eleanor's head immediately sank back into her arms.

Velvet glanced over at Maggie with her eyebrows slightly raised. "We did it, Mags. We actually broke the poor girl, and she's barely known us a month."

"You didn't break me," came the muffled voice next to them. Slowly her face peaked out from her crossed arms, back to it's insanely red color. "I've known for ages. I was just convinced that I needed to keep it hidden. But it feels impossible with roommates like you. It's this part of you that's so obvious and so essential and I knew that if I tried any harder to push it away, it would just drive me insane. So there. I'm gay or something. Whatever."

Eleanor looked like she was waiting for a response, but neither of them really knew what to say. Finally Maggie decided someone had to say something. "Well, I'd say that calls for a round of shots."


"Come on come on come on come on I want stories. I need to know things!" It had been... several more than just one round of shots. And despite the fact that Eleanor was still having difficulty talking about herself, Maggie just couldn't help but press her for more. In her mind, this was all just fun and games, needling Eleanor and having a bit of a chuckle along the way. But she had to wonder, why had she called out the redhead like that at the end of her set? To embarrass her, naturally. But also because she was incredibly cute when she blushed. But that was normal. You see a cute girl, you want to make her do cute things. Even if she was your friend, even if she lived with you.

Maggie had similar experiences with Velvet. All broody and serious all the time. How could she not help but delight in the act of pressing her buttons, like a child on an elevator. There was no shame in it, and sometimes she even got a smile or a chuckle out of her. Honestly, she'd developed a crush on Velvet ever since they first met, and it had never really gone away.

"Just like... like a first crush, or a first kiss or something. We already did the life story thing, it's not that big a deal at this point. Come oooonnnnnn..." She gave her best pathetic whimper, paired with some soul-destroying puppy eyes.

Eleanor must have been getting used to this new life of hers, because her resistance was quickly worn down. "Alright! Jus'... Jus' the one. So it'll shut you up." She sat herself up straight and looked up at the ceiling. "It was at a youth group camp thing. You go to some place out in the woods or whatever for a week and talk about feelings and Jesus and stuff. It can be good or it can be really bad. It's kind of a toss-up. Anyway there were a couple different youth groups, and they wanted us to get to know new people. So we were split up into these little family units. Aaaaaand there was this one girl who I thought was really cool and really smart and she always said these amazing prayers and..."

She sighed softly and fiddled with a nearby empty glass. "I mean, at first I figured that was just me wanting to be friends with her. So we spent a lot of time hanging out. We took bunks in the sleeping area right next to one another. We talked constantly. My youth pastor and all my friends talked about how nice it was that I was making good friends with someone from another church. And all the while I was getting these really weird feelings in my gut. Like everyone was missing some crucial piece. But I couldn't put a name to it." She reached for the closest glass that still had liquid in it and drank the remaining dregs, wincing at the awful taste. "So... one night she asks me to meet her somewhere private after lights-out. It was so amazing to be breaking all these rules, sneaking around the adults. We met up where the trees started encroaching on the camp grounds, and she was so anxious and constantly moving. I didn't even get a chance to ask her what was wrong before I felt her lips on mine. And uh... hah... God, I hate myself for it now, but at the time I had no idea what to do, so I just ran away. The next day, we all went home. I never heard from her again. But I keep wondering what might have happened if I'd been a little more self-aware, I could have walked away from that experience with a girlfriend. Instead, I just got a whole lot of confusing self-loathing."

The three of them were quiet for a while. Feeling guilty for dragging such a sad story out of Eleanor, Maggie went to the bar, returning with some colorful, fruity concoction and placed it in front of her. "Not all of us can be blessed with the kind of annoying assurance I had as a little baby, Nora. It took you a while, big deal. You know now."

Velvet offered a sage nod, and surprisingly even put a hand on her shoulder while Eleanor drank. "That sucks. But hey, the good news is your depressing story made me feel a little better about myself."

The two shared a kind of awkward laugh, and Maggie felt that familiar feeling in her chest. She had done a lot of scheming and plotting in her life. Usually it was just for her own benefit. But she was starting to wonder if maybe it was possible to meddle for the good of people other than herself. Well, yes, she could get something out of it. But seeing her friends smiling and growing closer was pretty nice too.

"We should go dancing!"