Well this is obviously the sequel to the previous chapter. Thank you again to everybody who has followed this story; it's good to know that my writing isn't completely horrible (I hope?) . This chapter has a few moments of angst and extremely mild swearing. WARNING this chapter turned out kind of dark.
It's also kind of long so…
Merlin was worried. Not that he wasn't usually worried when it came to the prince, (I mean nobody attracts that much magical trouble) but lately he was even more worried than usual; Arthur was being nice. It all started after the incident in the armory. He had expected the knights to explain what had happened and why, which Merlin knew would lead to several uncomfortable questions from Arthur. Merlin was therefore shocked when Arthur made no further mention of the incident, instead giving Merlin the rest of the day off. The following day was just as bad, with Arthur refraining from chucking things at Merlin, though his hand twitched several times, and several times the manservant looked up only to find the prince staring at him thoughtfully or jotting something on a piece of parchment with a small grin.
Then there were the knights. Every time he approached they would stop talking and stare at him, their expressions unreadable. When he tried to talk with them they would exchange vague, impersonal pleasantries and then make up some excuse (usually some extremely important errand or message that had to be done instantly) and take their leave of him. To top everything off Gwen was actively avoiding him and Gaius offered him little comfort, merely stating that they were all busy people and they probably had more important things to worry about, such as a mysterious illness spreading through the lower town.
What had Merlin done to deserve this, he wondered? He had had a horrible past few weeks. First Arthur had been bitten by the Questing Beast; Merlin had saved him (again) and inadvertently sacrificed his mother's life. To remedy this disaster, and prevent Merlin from giving his life, Gaius had gone to the isle of the blessed and nearly died; Merlin had battled Nimueh and saved Gaius, and what did he get in return? A painful burn that took up most of his chest; a dragon, once considered a friend, as an enemy; one extremely bored and disgruntled Prince; and now all of his friends were avoiding him and Gaius was ignoring his situation. In short Merlin felt abandoned and he began to sink into a depressed silence. He went about his days in silence, efficiently completing his chores and then disappearing into some dark niche to avoid running into any of his former friends.
Thus it was that a week after the incident in the armory Merlin found himself hesitating outside Arthur's chambers, trying to ignore the burn in his chest that had resumed its throbbing. The reason for his hesitation was the sound of several voices emanating from the Prince's room. It seemed Arthur was in council with his most trusted knights. As the young boy stood outside the door, unwilling to face all those people he had once counted as friends, he heard snatches of their conversation.
"…take a boy by surprise…difficult…can't let him know…gifts…fight him…suspicious… get him while he's sleeping…Gaius… tomorrow… executed…burning…"
Merlin felt hollow except for the dread pooling in his stomach. Did they know about his magic? From the sound of it they did and they were planning on acting on it soon, tomorrow in fact. No wonder they had been distant; it wouldn't due for the Prince and knights of Camelot to be seen hanging around a sorcerer. Merlin steeled himself, clamping down on his fear before he could begin imagining what Gaius had to do with this or the pyre they would no doubt be assembling in the courtyard tomorrow morning. Then he stepped firmly into the chamber with his tray of food, his face devoid of any emotion and giving no sign that he had heard anything. Idly, he noticed that Morgana and Gwen were present in this meeting as well; it made sense though, they had been his "friends" too. As soon as he entered the room the knights ceased their conversation and Merlin felt the last little hope that perhaps he had misunderstood something die. He felt like a fool, how could a mere serving boy like him expect to be friends with the knights and prince who were so far above his station; if he was honest with himself he knew that this day would come, that a Prince could never be friends with a peasant boy no matter how much he deluded himself. Suddenly Merlin felt tears pricking at the back of his eyes and he quickly set the tray on the table and strode from the room, breaking into a run as he hit the corridor and not stopping until he was locked in his small room. He sat on his small bed, wondering how his life had fallen apart so quickly and how his mother would cope with the news that her son had been executed for sorcery. There, alone and afraid in the dark, Merlin began to cry.
Arthur and the knights had set to planning the surprise party instantly, enlisting the help of Gwen, Morgana, and Gaius. Arthur made no mention of the incident in the armory to Merlin, instead giving him the rest of the day off so he could begin planning the surprise with the knights. He chuckled to himself as he recalled the look of suspicion that crept across the youth's face when he had told him to have the rest of the day off. That same evening found the knights, Gwen, Gaius, Morgana, and Arthur gathered around the table in the prince's chambers. Once they had explained the day's events and their plans, Gaius and Morgana had agreed to help in anyway possible, a little ashamed that they hadn't thought to ask Merlin when his birthday was. Gwen also agreed to help, knowing that it was a rare occasion when Merlin gave up personal information; for being such a young and cheerful person he was notoriously tight-lipped about certain things, namely his personal life. She wasn't as surprised as the others that Merlin hadn't shared this information before, however; she knew how the boy disliked being the center of attention preferring instead to stand quietly back in the shadows.
They got to work; delegating tasks and items for different people to do and get. Once they had decided who would be bringing what to the party, where it would be held (they had decided it would be in Gaius' chambers), and when it would occur, they said their goodnights and began to head towards the door. Lancelot stopped them before they left.
"I think we're all forgetting something." At the questioning looks he received he sighed and continued. "When was the last time any of you successfully lied to Merlin?"
Gwaine looked thoughtful. "Lancelot's right. He may be little, but Merlin definitely has a way of getting people to admit things."
"And he can be relentless when he thinks people are lying to him or hiding something," Percy added, recalling the time when he had tried to hide his bruised ribs from the boy after a particularly ill-tempered horse had kicked him. Merlin had been merciless, dogging Percy's every step until he had cracked and allowed Merlin to fuss over the injury.
"Well, there's only one thing to do, since none of you can lie to save your soul." This was Gaius, who spoke with a knowing smile having caught all of them in their lies on many occasions. "You shall all have to stay away from him as much as possible. As you know he's a suspicious little boy and I can only explain away so much."
They all nodded in agreement and left the room, determined to keep this a secret from Merlin. Over the next few days they spent all their free time either collaborating with one another or gathering decorations and their gifts for the boy. Whenever they ran into Merlin they made polite conversation before making up some reason to excuse them from the conversation. Arthur lightened the boy's list of chores and Gwen avoided Merlin all together, knowing that she wouldn't be able to hide her excitement from the boy. None of them noticed the effect their actions were having on the boy, being too caught up in their preparations along with their normal duties. Gaius noticed that his ward had been a little withdrawn, but he had put it down to the fact that he was still pondering the events of the past few weeks. He felt a little guilty at the hurt look on the boy's face every time Gaius reminded him that they were all busy people, but in his defense they were all busy and there was an illness spreading across the lower town (never mind the fact that they were all busy with party business and that the illness was really just a common cold).
About a week later they all gathered in Arthur's chambers once more, to put the final touches on their grand scheme. Satisfied that they had everything they needed Arthur brought up the final challenge they faced: how to surprise Merlin. They all sat in silence, pondering the dilemma, until Gaius started to laugh.
"Here we have the finest strategists and knights in all of Camelot and they can't even figure out how to take a boy by surprise. "
Gwaine pulled a pout. "It's difficult, we can't let him know what we're planning. Besides it was hard enough just getting the boy a gift." The others smiled at that, knowing how much work Gwaine had put into his "gift" for Merlin.
"It's not as if we're trying to fight him; that'd be easy to plan. No this is a lot harder; Merlin may be suspicious already. Maybe if we could get everything set up while he's sleeping…Gaius, is there anyway you can ensure that he'll sleep late tomorrow?"
Gaius nodded and Arthur clapped his hands together tomorrow. "Right then, that's the plan men and it must be executed to perfection. Oh, and Gaius, make sure you don't have any candles burning…the clumsy idiot would probably fall over and set the place on fire."
The knights all laughed and began chattering, until Merlin strode through the doors carrying Arthur's meal. They all fell silent, wondering if the boy had heard them planning. But Merlin simply walked in the room with an empty expression, set the tray on the table, and then turned and walked right back out. The knight shared confused looks with one another; normally Merlin would have stayed and tried to talk with them, perhaps cracking a few jokes at Arthur's expense. They had never seen the young boy look so grim and they weren't sure what to make of it. Lancelot looked at Gaius questioningly. He knew about Merlin's magic and wondered if that had anything to do with it. Whatever it was he figured Gaius would know.
"What's up with Merlin, Gaius?
The old man had a perplexed look on his face. "I have no idea," he said, shaking his head, "but I should probably go find our." With that he left the room.
The others lingered for a little while longer, finalizing the time they would meet, before they too left the room, still slightly perturbed by Merlin.
When Gaius reached his chambers he found Merlin's door closed and from behind the wood he could hear the sound of muffled sobbing. Worried now, he knocked lightly before entering the small room. Merlin was there, curled up on his bed sobbing. Gaius sat down next to him and gathered him into his arms, rocking him gently.
"Merlin, what's the matter? What happened?"
Merlin didn't answer for a long time, unsure if he should alert Gaius to the fact he knew about their plans to kill him. Deciding that it wouldn't make any difference whether Gaius knew he knew or not he stayed silent. If Gaius knew Merlin was warned it would only make it harder for the old man to let them take him. Instead of answering Gaius he just burrowed closer to the man, sobbing into his robes. The healer knew that Merlin wasn't going to answer him, so he just held him for a while, rubbing his thin back with small, soothing circles. Eventually he left the boy's side, returning a few moments later with a sleeping draft, which he then coaxed the youth to drink. Within minutes his sobs had quieted and he had fallen into sleep.
Merlin lay in his bead, staring at the ceiling. He had woken sometime before dawn, panicking as he noted the darkness surrounding him and thinking he had been moved to the dungeons while he was sleeping. After a few moments of debilitating fear he had come to his senses, realizing that he could see the light of dawn beginning to creep through his window. When he had calmed enough to think rationally Merlin had started to contemplate how this day would proceed. Would Arthur be present at his execution? And the knights too? More than he feared death, Merlin feared seeing the looks of hurt and betrayal on their faces. His mind had come up with dozens of brutal scenarios for his execution, every one featuring Arthur, his face twisted with hurt and rage, dropping the torch onto the pyre and smiling while Merlin burned. Judging by the position of the sun he had lain there, lost in thought, for more than two hours, and outside his room he could hear the sound of people moving and talking in hushed voices. They were here for him.
Right then Merlin decided that, if he had to die, he would at least go with some sense of dignity. He rolled out of bed, dressing himself before looking in the mirror. There were dark smudges under his eyes, probably from the nightmares that had plagued him despite the sleeping draft, that stood in stark contrast from his pale skin. Squaring his shoulders he stepped out his room to find the Prince and knights of Camelot sitting around the table, talking and laughing with Gaius, Gwen, and Morgana. Merlin just stood there, staring, for a moment before Sir Elyan noticed him and nudged the others, gesturing towards him. They all fell silent and turned to look at the petrified serving boy. Arthur began to rise and Merlin's paralysis broke along with his nerve; he promptly turned back into his room and slammed the door. He was going to be sick; no, he wasn't, he was going to get himself under control, or at least, that's what Merlin told himself, leaning against the door. It just didn't make sense to him; he understood them all being there for the execution but throwing a party? Was he really that awful? Loosing the battle for control he promptly leant over and retched into the waste bucket.
For the second time in as many days the knights found themselves sharing confused looks because of Merlin. Both Gaius and Lancelot moved towards the door, Gaius, remembering his lack of success the previous night, indicated that Lancelot should go in and speak with the boy. Lancelot hesitated at the door, unsure of how to proceed, and slowly raised his hand to knock on the door. Before he could do so he heard the sound of someone retching. All thoughts of knocking discarded, he rushed into the room as Merlin finished retching. Wide blue eyes met concerned brown ones and Lancelot was astonished to see the fear and resignation present in the cobalt orbs. Slowly, as if Merlin were a spooked horse, Lancelot approached with his hands raised.
"Merlin, what's going on? Have you been injured? Are you sick?" He reached out and placed a hand on the youth's shoulder. Merlin jumped back when the knight touched him, and the knight frowned. "Merlin, I'm not going to hurt you." The boy let out a bark of disbelieving laughter that made Lancelot rock back on his heels. Surely Merlin knew that none of the knights would even consider harming a hair on his head? "Merlin, please, just tell me what's wrong," pleaded Lancelot, his concern evident in his voice.
Merlin searched the knight's face, noting the worry and concern etched there. Had he been mistaken? He refused to let himself hope, knowing it would just make it worse when he was wrong. "So you're not going to execute me for using magic?" At Lancelot's stunned shake of the head he continued: "Don't lie to me. I heard you and the others talking last night and I'm old enough to figure out what the words 'surprise, fight, burning' have to do with me."
"So let me get this straight, you heard those three words, along with your name, completely out of context and just assumed that we were going to execute you?" Lancelot's voice had taken on an indignant, slightly incredulous tone; he was caught between finding it absolutely hilarious and being angry that Merlin truly believed that his friends would kill him. "Why on earth would you think that? We're your friends… we would never hurt you like. We couldn't."
Merlin fixed Lancelot with a stare. "What was I supposed to assume, Lancelot? All of the sudden all of my friends start acting strangely, making excuses to get me out of their presence." Merlin's voice was steadily increasing in volume as he spoke; he was practically screaming. "Hell, I brushed it off with the knights, just tried to ignore it, but Gwen started avoiding me completely, Arthur couldn't stand to have me around; I mean he practically cut my chores in half, and all Gaius could say was that you all had more important things to do than talk with me! So you tell me, WHAT THE HELL WAS I SUPPOSED TO THINK!" Seeing the stricken look on Lancelot's face he suddenly felt ashamed for his outburst. He was such a fool; he had taken everything and blown it way out of proportion. The look of total surprise Lancelot had worn while Merlin was yelling was enough proof for him that the knight hadn't been lying to him. Gods, he really was an idiot. Merlin dropped his head into his hands and muttered, "I'm sorry about losing my temper."
Lancelot turned and stared at the boy, certain that his mouth was hanging open. He had never even considered what their planning had looked like to the young manservant. Gods, he felt like smashing his head into the wall; they were such clotpoles (he'd picked that phrase up from Merlin). Their avoidance would have made a normal person paranoid; it must have been so much worse for Merlin, who was so young and kept such a dangerous secret. Merlin was the most powerful sorcerer of all time, completely capable of incapacitating a dozen knights with a wave of a hand and here he was apologizing for simply raising his voice. Lancelot and the others had put him through the worst kind of hell in the past week. He was completely in awe of boy in front of him; his compassion and kindness was without equal. Lancelot put an arm around the boy's shoulders.
"Merlin, you have nothing to be sorry for. It is I who should be apologizing to you; I should have known what this would look like to you. I'm not sure it'll make up for the past week, but would you like to come out and see our excuse for our behavior?" Not waiting for a response he began pulling Merlin towards the door. He stopped before exiting, however, turning to face Merlin. "Wait a moment, if you thought Arthur was going to execute you, why didn't you just leave? With your, ehrm, talents it wouldn't have been difficult to leave the castle and remain undetected."
" What purpose would that serve? I cannot fulfill my destiny anywhere else and leaving would mean living the rest of my life hunted like an animal. Men would have gone to Ealdor, putting my mother at risk, and that would force my hand, practically ensuring that Arthur would never see the good in magic. No it would be better to die instead of dragging things out; hopefully someday Arthur would still unite Albion and allow magic to roam free once again."
Yet again Lancelot found himself staring at Merlin. For one so young he possessed more courage than the staunchest of knights and spoke with wisdom seldom seen. He was the bravest of them all and he deserved so much more than he received, even if he was too stubborn to see it. Figuring he had hesitated long enough, Lancelot ushered the boy through the door.
This time Merlin took in more of the details, noting the food on the table, flowers and other decorations hanging around the room, and the small bundles that were stacked on a nearby chair. He looked at Lancelot, confused. The knight just laughed and whispered, "Happy Birthday, Merlin."
Lancelot was certain he had never seen such a look of absolute happiness than the Merlin's face that day.
