AN: Hi there.

I'm sorry, I apologize, I don't know how in the world I would ever make it up to any of you, but I promise I feel so bad about dropping off the face of the earth. I won't site any excuses, because during busy times I've still updated, and I haven't now. No matter how busy I can probably try harder.

But here is an update. I'm still worried it won't be good enough for you all but I don't want to make you wait any longer.

Another HUGE thanks to Sammichbatch, because she urged me not to worry so much and helped me actually put this up when I have. That and she's probably one of the biggest role models I have in my life - seriously if you had a chance to know her, she's a badass and super sweet, and she's going to do great things. So proud of her, and proud to know her.

So - here is a thank you to anyone who is still reading this.
All of you are loved. You have love and you are worthy of love.
Reviews make me smile.
Make yourself smile today. I hope you feel beautiful.


With normalcy came routine. An inevitable part of life sure, but one Emma found she didn't resent the idea of anymore, perhaps because in practice she found her life was pretty beautiful.

Her routine on Saturday mornings usually called for waking up an hour or so late and making herself coffee, even though she'd pick one up from the diner with Regina and the boys later on anyway. After the diner they'd walk to the park – now that autumn was in full bloom, they'd probably just sit in the diner or drive straight home. Lunch would end with laughs and Emmet doing something silly. Emma would call the station and ask if Sean needed any help, and he wouldn't. Then the night would go on without a hitch. Sometimes Ashley and Alex would come over for dinner and Sean would meet everyone when he finished his shift, and/or Ruby if she didn't have anything to do.

Deviating from this unofficially set outline didn't happen often, but as the branches knocked against the house in the wind outside, and Emma felt Regina's weight on her right, she knew this wouldn't be the typical Saturday.

The night before filtered through her mind all at once; dancing and drinking, and pretending to be a carefree teenager again, and Regina downing shot after shot alone at the table no matter how hard they tried to include her. She remembered jumping out of the van and peeling her off the pavement and needing to get Regina in bed so her mind could be at ease when she fell asleep.

Regina kissed her.

Emma opened her eyes, and sure enough, the Mayor was sleeping peacefully against her shoulder, one arm wrapped around so her hand was still grabbing the back of her neck.

The blonde had to shake herself to grasp what had happened. She was sure Regina kissed her first, but she couldn't remember for the life of her falling asleep. Everything was a haze of the other woman's lips and trying to remember every curve she felt, every tiny divot or a twitch as her hand swept over a nerve.

And there they were. Regina still had a leg draped over her under the blanket. Emma finally realized herself in this whole wonderful mess as well, one arm under the brunette's head and the other comfortably nestled in the small of her back. And she didn't dare move yet. Regina's mouth hung open the same way it had when Emma saw her sleeping for the first time – just after she found out she was pregnant and she was exhausted. She wasn't even angry when Emma told her she ruined dinner and they got pizza instead. She'd seen Regina sleeping countless times, but this was different. This flutter of joy and accomplishment wasn't there before, and hope.

There hadn't ever been a reason for Emma to hope anything would ever come of her feelings, and now for a while she didn't care. Her life would go on anyway, but Holy God was it better to hold her, too.

Her head fell back on the pillow and she let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding.

It happened. It was happening.

Emma smiled to herself and adjusted herself a little closer, pressing her lips to Regina's hair and sighing again. This wouldn't be hard to get used to at all.

But when she moved, Regina stiffened and stretched her legs out straight. It seemed like her whole face went in a frown before she settled back in again… and then, only for a moment.

Her eyes opened slowly, squinting at her surroundings and at Emma in particular.

That's when she pulled away. Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion and Emma's heart stopped.

Clarity washed over her face in an instant, and so did fear and regret all at once. She snapped her hand away from Emma's neck before she looked back and shook her head

And the blonde didn't waste any time trying to make a run for it, throwing off the covers and looking around for her keys with a knot already forming in her throat.

Regina just stayed in bed, her hair a mess, and her knees pulled up to her chest. "Emma, I'm so sorry."

"Don't."

"Emma, please-"

"What?" The tears were already swimming in her eyes. "What are you sorry for?"

Her mouth hung open for a few seconds too long.

"Say something."

"I know I'm wrong for this and I'm so sorry… I didn't-"

Emma didn't let her finish. She just shook her head and ran away.


Ruby was on her second layer of mascara when Emma burst in the door, already in tears and bee-lining for her.

"Jesus, Em."

Emma just shook her head and laid down on the couch, resting her head in Ruby's lap and curling herself into as small of a space as she could have.

She put her makeup down and started to rub her friends back in hard, determined strokes. "What happened?"

"She kissed me." Emma sobbed into her hands.

Four years of knowing this woman, and Ruby hadn't ever seen her cry like this. A few tears now and then were as far as she let herself go. This was a world and a half away from the Emma that she knew.

Emma shook her head and wailed some more.

"Regina?"

"Yeah."

"Regina just kissed you?"

Emma nodded again and took her hands away, turning her head to look up at the younger woman. "She kissed me last night, and we stayed together… and this morning she woke up and she didn't want me. She just looked at me and started shaking her head."

"Oh, Ems." Ruby hugged her hard, letting her cry until she couldn't anymore. It was a good ten minutes later before she could actually take a breath, and Ruby let go carefully and ran her fingers through her hair. "What do you want to do?"

"I want to take an asprin." Her lip curled under again and Ruby saw the flex in her stomach of another sobbing fit, but she held it back. "I don't think I've ever felt so shitty. Or lonely. I woke up and she was still asleep.. and I got to kiss her head and imagine us doing that every morning, and getting to see her like that and then she woke up and it's not going to happen. I didn't think it would but now I know and it sucks way more than I thought it would."

"You always got me." She smiled gently. "And you can count on the fact I won't ever try to kiss your ugly mug."

Emma laughed, but it turned into a frown.

They sat there for a long minute before Emma sat up suddenly. "Do you want to move in?"

Ruby tilted her head. "To your apartment?"

"Yeah, I mean you're over all the time anyway an-" Her voice caught in her throat.

She put her hand over Emma's and squeezed.

"Ruby, I want to run." She nodded, more tears started going down her face. "I want to high tail it as far as my car will take me but I know I can't now. I can't lose the boys. I love them so much. And I love you, and Granny, I can't." She wiped her face on her sleeves and tried to breath for a minute. "I just really don't want to be alone right now."

She just nodded and hugged her again.

"Do you-?"

"Yeah." She laughed. "I'll move in – for sure."

"Okay." Emma nodded and pulled away again, trying to catch her breath.

Ruby had never seen her look so young – red faced and terrified, and her hair pushed behind her ears carelessly.

"Hey." She pushed her friends leg with her fist.

"What?"

The brunette shrugged and sat back a little. "It might not make you feel any better, but I have to tell you first… because I met someone."

"What?" Emma crossed her legs, the distraction seemingly working. "Who? What's his name?"

"Lance? The one who moved here a couple months ago. He works at the body shop and my car needs a new something or other according to Sean." She nodded. "He asked me out this weekend, but I said no because of your birthday. But I'm going back this week to talk to him."

"That's so great!" She smiled and gulped down a new batch of tears. "I bet he's nice."

She nodded. "He seems like it."

"Why don't you go right now?"

"Well-"

Emma shook her head. "Go. Ask him what time he gets off work, and if you can take him out for a drink."

Ruby laughed. "Nah." She shrugged and got up from the couch. "Tonight, you can help me pack and we can get doughnuts and… Flashdance?"

She took a very deep breath, and nodded. "Okay."


One full calendar week later, Emma hadn't shown her face in the mansion once. Or in Regina's presence at all other than to drop the boys off after school and daycare before rushing away with a 'see ya' or nothing. She called Henry every night, and talked to Emmet for a moment, but avoided the Mayor altogether. And Emmet all but threw the biggest temper tantrum he could possibly have in protest of her absence, even with Henry and Regina agreeing to play all the voices in his book. She'd been a part of dinner and bed time since before he was born, after all.

The first contact they had was the night before, and honestly it was a last ditch effort to corner Emma into speaking to her.

-Could you watch the boys overnight tomorrow?-

Over an hour later she texted back.

-Sure.-

-Your house or mine?-

Almost forty minutes later:

-Mine.-

-Thank you. Five work for you?-

Another full hour passed.

-Okay.-

She didn't have a clue what she'd say, because what was there to say? She couldn't admit her feelings and just walk away and leave Emma to deal with the mess that follows that admission. She didn't want to give her some ultimatum because she deserved more than that. She deserved to be with whoever made her happy and if it wasn't Regina, then she'd deal with that. But maybe if she could just see her face, and tell her she missed her, and that the kids missed her and she wanted the other woman in her life no matter the terms – even if it meant adding Ruby into their little unit, then she'd take it, because not having her there hurt more than wanting and holding back.

Lord, if she were to compare the feelings at all.

"Almost ready?"

Henry turned his head away from his phone long enough to nod at his mother.

"Are you packed, Henry?"

"Yeah, mom."

She nodded. "Alright. Please be ready in fifteen minutes, alright?"

"Hey!"

Regina backpedaled in time to see him throw his phone on his bed. "What, honey?"

He leaned against the door frame and shoved his hands in his pockets, looking far too much like his blonde mother for comfort. "Are you and mom okay?"

"Henry…" She scratched the side of her mouth before folding her arms over her chest. "I don't know how to answer that."

"What happened?"

She cupped his cheek gently. "You're only old enough for so much honesty, Henry."

"Okay, then are you guys going to work out whatever's happening, then?"

"I hope so." She nodded. "But we always love you, and that's all you ever need to worry about."

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, right."


"Hey,"

Regina barely nodded before Emmet jumped out of her arms and into Emma's without warning other than a large squeal.

"Hi, bug! Do you have new toys?"

Emmet nodded and pushed them into Emma's free hand. "I got jocker anna hawee quinn."

"Joker and Harley Quinn?"

"Yeah." He hugged her around the neck fiercely and Regina couldn't help but grin at the two of them.

She hugged her oldest and sent him in with a quiet 'be good' as he went. Emma had only just put Emmet down when she had the courage to take a step forward and keep her from shutting the door.

"Emma, could we-"

"Hi, Wuby!"

Over Emma's shoulder, sure enough, was the younger woman picking up her son and dropping a box to do so.

"What's with all the boxes?" Henry asked.

Emma turned a little bit toward him. "Ruby's moving in, kid."

"Oh, cool."

All she could do was stare at them – her family without her. She felt wrong for thinking it, but she didn't know how else to phrase it.

"What time are you coming to get them tomorrow?" Emma asked, looking right through the other woman.

But Regina's heart was beating so hard in her throat she could barely hear her. She could have guessed what happened would probably make or break her relationship with the waitress, and moving in together was a big step.

Ruby glanced at her with daggers, and Regina gulped down the tingling heartbreak that was choking her.

"I'll text you." Her throat closed around her words so they barely came out as a whisper before she turned and bolted down the stairs.

She didn't have any plans. Taking the boys was just a ploy to talk to her and now she couldn't do it.

Regina just barely made it back inside her house before she dropped to the floor and tried to breathe through her tears.


"What was that?" Henry stepped forward as soon as Emma closed the door and thumped her shoulder against it with a sigh.

Emma shook her head. "I don't know."

"Did you guys have a fight?"

"No."

Henry crossed his arms and leaned against the couch like he was the adult questioning why Emma came home so late. "Okay, so then why aren't you two talking?"

Ruby picked Emmet up and put him next to the sink to help her "wash dishes" but mostly just splash Tupperwear around with the water running so he couldn't hear what was going on.

"Kid, you're too smart for your own good. And someday I'll probably tell you everything, but today it's really not your business."

"My-" Henry furrowed his brow as his head swiveled back on his neck. "Are you joking? Emma, you've come over every day for years, and we've gotten used to it. So do you want to know what's not my business? Emmet is-"

Emma pointed her finger at him. "Don't yell at me, Henry."

"Shut up! Emmet is losing his mind, my mom is sad all the time and you think it's not my business? The fact that suddenly you're too busy with work to come say 'hi' to us, and I saw you one time all week by accident and it makes me feel like you don't even care."

"I do care."

"Then act like it! We're a family and you don't just get to count yourself out because you guys are angry at each other! You don't have to tell me everything, I know I'm still a kid, and I don't need to know everything, but I'm still effected by shit! I'm-"

"Henry!" Emma yelled back.

Emmet started crying and Ruby didn't waste a second in scooping him up and taking him to Emma's bedroom with his toys.

"You swear all the time!"

"I'm an adult!"

"Great, well you can start making rules for me when you actually show your face where I live." Henry shook his head and picked up his back pack.

The blonde blocked his way to the door. "You're not going anywhere."

"I'm going to go make sure my mom is okay."

"She has stuff to do, you-"

"No she doesn't!"

Emma tilted her head.

"You're so dumb." He set his jaw and threw his backpack back on the couch. "She just wanted us to see you… and probably try to talk to you too."

Her shoulders dropped and Henry took his phone out and sat by the window.

"She didn't have plans?"

He looked at her and put his head forward like he was saying "duh."

As fast as her mind could work through it, she grabbed her keys and put shoes on. "Can you tell Ruby I'll be back later?"

Henry just nodded and looked back down at his phone.


She'd finally made it to the bottom step of the staircase when the banging on the door started.

If Regina was honest with herself, she knew she wanted it to be Emma as much as she was afraid of it actually being her on the other side of the door. But she wiped the tears from her face and answered anyway, trying to steel her bottom lip when her suspicion was true.

And it wasn't a second later that she was being hugged harder than she'd felt in years, and the water in her eyes started bubbling up and spilling over again.

She held her back and didn't ask any questions, digging her finger tips into Emma's jacket.

They stayed that way for a while, and by the time Regina got ahold of herself Emma stepped back down on the porch with a frown that said she didn't know what to do.

"I'm sorry."

Emma shook her head. "Regina, I don't want to hear that."

She just looked at her and wrapped her arms around herself.

"I don't want you to be sorry. And I know that makes me a shitty person." She nodded and blinked away her own tears. "And I'm a shitty person for disappearing on you like that. I should have talked to you. I know that I just…. Henry blew up on me just now because I haven't been around and I should have been. And I'm sorry."

Regina nodded and accepted the sickness she felt as Emma looked at her feet the way she did when she was getting ready to say something she didn't want to.

"I just can't be close to you right now." Her shoulders lifted and fell, trying to make smaller of the situation.

A few beats of silence passed. "I understand."

"We both fucked up, ya know… And I'm embarrassed and hurt, and I think I'm closer to you than I am to anybody. So," Emma finally choked on the lump in her throat and looked up at the other woman painfully. "Let's just give this a little time to heal, and we can come back better, okay? For the kids? And because I think you're the best friend I've ever had. And I don't want to lose that."

Regina nodded again and stepped back to hold the inside handle of the door. "Okay."

"Okay." Emma slipped her hands in her pockets. "Can I drop the kids off tomorrow in time for dinner?"

"Of course."

The blonde gave a pained smile, and then a short wave and turned to go.


The same general schedule worked out for the next couple weeks;

Regina picked the boys up from school and daycare respectively and made dinner. Emma would come just in time to pick up her leftovers and read to Emmet and talk to Henry about his day before she'd leave, all the while deliberately not meeting Regina's eyes for any reason. When the weekend came, Regina dropped Henry and Emmet off at Emma's apartment and got them back the following evening.

Aside from a few text messages about coordinating specific times and small acknowledgements they didn't speak. They didn't tell anyone else how awful they felt either, cooped up in their homes, thinking about the other and missing them like there was no tomorrow.

Regina dropped the kids off that morning and didn't want to be alone for once. Not that she wanted to directly interact with anyone, but she couldn't spend another Saturday in her study pretending to read or not feel sorry for herself.

She walked down Main Street and grabbed a paper on her way into the diner and sat in the booth in the corner that didn't fit her little troop, but was just small enough to hide in plain sight.

"Usual?"

Regina jumped and looked up at Ruby with wide eyes. Her tone was flat, but not overtly rude.

"Uhm… I-I didn't think you… worked today." She tried to sit up straight but the guilt sat heavily on her shoulders.

Ruby stared down at her with empty eyes. "I don't. Ariel called out last minute."

"Right."

"So what can I get for you?"

"The-da.. what I usually…" Regina cleared her throat and nodded. "The usual."

"Perfect."

Ruby left the menu on the table and didn't bother with any of her usual niceties.

She hadn't bothered thinking how Ruby would feel in all of this, and judging by the way she'd been looking at her ever since Emma's birthday she wasn't happy. If it was Regina, she would probably hate anyone who she perceived might be taking her girlfriend away from her.

With a large breath and a quick peek around the diner, making sure there wasn't anyone who might pay attention, Regina stood right in front of Ruby on the other side of the breakfast bar.

She just turned around and raised her eyebrows.

"I think I owe you an apology."

Ruby crossed her arms. "Me?"

"I… you play a part in all of this nonsense, and I know I'm the one in the wrong-"

"Obviously."

Her frame shrunk just a little with the jab. "I just want to tell you myself that I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt anyone."

"Well, you did. And I can't tell you I really accept any of that because it's not me you need to apologize to."

Regina frowned. "But… you're a part of this too, and it was wrong of me not to consider that."

"A part..? What are you talking about?"

She didn't want to say it out loud, but she gulped down her pride anyway. "I wasn't thinking about your feelings, I was just too wrapped up in… the moment, I suppose. I know if I were in your position I couldn't forgive me for what I did. I wasn't trying to take her, it was just my emotions getting the better of me-"

"Take her? You m-" Ruby's mouth dropped open. "Do you think me and Em are dating?"

"Aren't you?"

She laughed and leaned on the counter. "Oh my god, no! What the fuck! Why did you think that?"

"What?"

"Is that why you freaked out?"

"You two- you've never been together?"

"I mean I kissed her one time and she almost hit me! I love her to death, but I'm not into her like that. I don't like women like that, period." She grinned and waved Regina toward the end of the counter and sat back down at the booth with her. "Did you think we were a couple?"

Regina's hands were on either side of her head like she was trying to keep it from splitting in two. "I thought you were together for years. You're just so close."

"Yeah, because I'm the first person she opened up to about being head over heels for you. And then we just clicked, we're not having sex or anything." She grabbed Regina's hands and squeezed them. "She is super in love with you, do you… you didn't see that?"

"No, I don't know… I thought, she's always been so good to us, I didn't think it was anything more." She shook her head and felt her throat start to close up. "And then all of the sudden I wanted it to be, but.." Her whole face dropped and she realized what was happening. "You two aren't together."

"I just-"

"Emma- is Emma single?"

Ruby nodded, still smiling like a fool.

She got up, leaving everything on the table and headed for the door.

"Regina!"

"What?"

Ruby handed her purse and keys over and pointed to the door. "Go get her."

Without thinking, she hugged the younger woman and bolted out the door.


Emmet passed Emma another action figure and continued to make growling noises for Hulk when the beating on the door started.

She turned to Henry and motioned for him to keep his little brother busy.

And as soon as she opened the door, the churning feeling in her gut came back. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Regina shut the door, putting herself between Emma and her apartment and pulled her by the collar of her pajama shirt so she could kiss her harder than she had the chance to a few weeks prior.

But it only lasted a few seconds before Emma pulled away and shook her head. "I can't… Regina. I don't care if you're lonely or confused, you can't do this to me again."

"I'm not- I'm so sorry." She laughed and ran her hands through her hair trying to calm herself. "I'm not sorry for kissing you, or wanting you. I wasn't sorry for that."

"What?"

"I was sorry because I didn't want to come between you and Ruby, because I knew you cared about her and I felt awful for potentially ruining your relationship but-"

"Ruby and I aren't in a relationship."

Regina grinned again. "I know that now."

Emma's mouth dropped. "You-"

She cut her off with another searing kiss, wrapping her arms around Emma's shoulders and inhaling when she felt her strong arms hug her closer and kiss back, and kiss again and again, much too invasive in the stairwell of an apartment building, but neither of them could care for a few long minutes of a much needed, tension releasing, satisfying make out session.

Neither pulled away at all. When the kissing came to an end, they still just held on to each other, wondering what the other was thinking.

Emma wiped a few stray tears away, and Regina took her turn to hold around Emma's middle, not ready to let go just yet.

"What do we do now?" Emma smiled to herself.

Regina bumped her head against Emma's lightly. "I would start with wiping the lipstick off your face."

She shook her head. "I mean-"

"I know." Another kiss and a half and Regina took a step away, letting her lips just barely turn up at the ends. "I think for now… I'll go home, and you spend time with Emmet and Henry, and we can talk after dinner tomorrow."

"That sounds good."

"Good." Regina whispered as she leaned in again. It was just a tiny kiss, but it was better than perfect.

Emma sighed happily. "Do I really have lipstick all over?"

"Well, if you remember I came here with a dark red on."

"Yup. That's gone now."

They both laughed as they shuffled around each other, switching places so Emma was by her own door again.

"Tomorrow."

"See you." Regina waved delicately and nearly missed the first step on the way back down to her car.

Emma laughed and floated back in her apartment.

"Ahmma…"

"Mom, what's all over your face?"