Unexpectedly Close To The Edge
Set 3 years after Vampire Knight Guilty, however, certain enemies aren't as dead as they were thought to be.
~{}~ signifies a change in time or perspective
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, these awesome characters do not belong to me in any way. They belong to Matsuri Hino. I just stole them and put them to use for my own sick mind ;)
Summary: Yuki's death brings the two former enemies Zero and Kaname closer than they ever expected to be. As the two of them - both broken in their own way - struggle to pick up a life again, will they cope by putting each other together again?
Rated M: mature emotions, rape, violence, M/M lemon (seriously, rated M for good reason!)
AN: Thank you for being patient - sorry that it has taken me a while to update. But I'd rather post a chapter later than sooner, just to make sure I'm not posting total crap. Thank you so much again for all your wonderful reviews - I always really appreciate them. My chapters keep getting longer and longer, I'm afraid. Feel free to let me know what you think. ^^ Hope you enjoy.
Chapter 9: An Old Ache
It must have been that admission that broke the hunter's hold on his thoughts and feelings toward their bond. A flood of guilt and self-loathing poured into the pureblood who was still staring at the hunter's face, baffled at the single tear he had just witnessed rolling down the pale cheek.
Kaname was entirely unprepared for such an onslaught of emotion. Where beforehand their bond had been entirely void of the hunter, intense emotional upheaval now replaced the emptiness and slammed into his chest like a tidal wave.
Zero's self-disgust was something entirely new for the pureblood to handle. Of course it wasn't like he only ever loved himself or never made a mistake. The pureblood knew regret and self-condemnation as well. But this was a level of self-loathing - nurtured by years of feeling worthless and of never fitting in anywhere - that Kaname hadn't imagined possible before. It truly threatened to overwhelm him. The pureblood was instantly confronted with the hunter's inner demons. Without warning, he was faced with with feeling constricted by inadequacy, feeling disgusted at his weaknesses and struggling to reign in the unbearably intense need to claw at himself. He wanted to literally tear himself to shreds.
He tried to remind himself that these were not his own emotions, that this was Zero's world. Still, his mental hold on Zero's wrists wavered.
Trying desperately not to lose himself in Zero's emotions, he concentrated on looking at the hunter's tear-stained face, hoping it would ground him somehow. Staring hard into his eyes, he hoped to be able to hold it all together, but the crimson irises only mirrored his turmoil. They burned with hurt and did nothing to soothe him.
This incredible pain, does he always carry it with himself? he wondered faintly, fighting the urge to tear at his hair. He had somehow managed to keep his mental hold on Zero's wrists, pinning the hunter by force of his mind. But now he decided to use his hands instead to restrain the hunter. His mind was becoming unstable, he needed to hold on physically. He was hearing the hunter's thoughts, drowning in how much he loathed what he was, repeating the same disgust at himself over and over again. Kaname was reeling, almost breaking Zero's bones because he held on so tightly. Gasping for air and strength, he heard a faint, raspy whisper.
"Nothing but a monster." Zero repeated even more quietly.
Kaname knew very little about the hunter, but it was still so devastatingly painful to hear those words like that. He stared in silence as the hunter's eyelids fluttered and his gaze was drawn toward Kaname's exposed throat.
Zero had run out of stubbornness. Kaname felt the hunter's warm breath on his throat as he caved in to his needs. There was only half a second of hesitating, before Zero's fangs shakily pierced his skin. He had been fighting it to the last bit, because - for the state he was in - it was a surprisingly gentle bite. Relief flooded the pureblood when Zero finally submitted to his thirst.
The emotional chaos in their bond vanished almost entirely, as the hunter's body finally claimed what it needed and he became lost in the taste of Kaname's blood. The pureblood's mind was no longer bombarded with self-disgust and his chest didn't feel like it was constricted by burning vines. Instead, a pleasant haze filled their bond, making the pureblood slightly drowsy. Kaname almost sighed in relief. Zero was now hungrily drawing his blood in long, needy sips, making him dizzy with the sudden drop in blood pressure. But he knew that would pass as soon as he grew accustomed to it.
It would have been nothing out of the ordinary for him to give in to that pleasant haziness, to lean into the hungry fangs and nuzzle his mate, to press himself closely to Zero and relish in their intimate contact. But with Zero, nothing was ordinary.
So the pureblood tried to keep their interactions impersonal, if there was anything impersonal at all about sharing your life and strength from the pulsing vein at your throat. He avoided taking comfort in the fact that he was providing for his mate and he ignored the implications of their closeness that would usually lead to more intimacy.
But try as he might, Kaname couldn't deny that it felt pleasant. And that was partly Zero's doing. Though Kaname was fairly sure that it was most likely unintentional, Zero was being gentle with him. He attributed that to Zero's personal experience with being bitten and decided that the hunter most likely didn't want to be like Shizuka in any way - even if that meant not being rough on a pureblood. But though it was most likely nothing personal, the hunter's gentleness was delightful. In fact, the more he concentrated on it, the more it began to feel very pleasant...
Kaname knew very well what that meant. A vampire bite could always transmit pleasure, of course. When Takuma fed from him, the blond was very adamant at giving the pureblood no pain. But his bite was entirely different. It wasn't pleasurable like this. In order for Kaname to feel the same way that he currently felt with Zero drinking at his throat, Takuma would have to actively choose to induce pleasure, much like Kaname had done for the first time he bit the hunter. The pureblood was fairly sure that Zero would not choose to do so with him.
Feeling the way he did now meant one thing: their bond was much stronger than their life styles admitted.
A bond would ensure a certain amount of mutual attraction. It didn't necessarily have to lead to an intimate sexual relationship. The pureblood had hoped that for the two of them, at least, their bond would mean no more than a close friendship in some far-off future. He still did.
He did.
But there was a chance that he may be wrong.
The pleasurable tingle in his chest wasn't the only thing the pureblood felt. While his mind mulled over the possibilities of their relationship, at the same time he felt his heart grow heavy with guilt very quickly. Their minds were still connected through their bond. He tried not to enjoy the sensation too much, knowing perfectly well that the hunter would not be sharing himself if he had a choice. But from the hunter's side of the bond a gnawing guilt grew steadily with every shred of conscious thought he regained as he drank.
Both sensations, the pleasure in Kaname's body and the guilt in the hunter's mind and their bond, intensified steadily as Zero continued to drink. It was impossible for the pureblood to uphold his pretense of impersonality. Feeling the urge to provide comfort, the pureblood released the hunter's hands and put his slender arms around Zero's strong torso, holding him tightly.
The revelation of the hunter's intense in-acceptance of himself was a frightening one. The pureblood had not understood the degree of his self-loathing until now. If he had been hoping that Zero had moved on, he was strongly disappointed. No, quite the contrary, he had started covering up much better. His stubbornness had matured greatly - and his hurt had as well. But not his acceptance.
As if in answer, the hunter's emotions in their bond faded quickly as he regained his control. It was only perhaps half a minute since he'd begun drinking, before the hunter shut himself out of their bond again and stopped drawing blood. Kaname almost shook his head in pity. Zero hadn't accepted who he was at all – though it had been so many years that he had been turned. Moreover, all of his self-hatred had seeped into his lower levels of consciousness. That explained how even in a semi-lucid state he had been so stubborn the last time Kaname coaxed him to drink. That only added to the mystery, however. If the descent to Level E was partially a consequence of not accepting what he'd become, then how on earth did Zero manage to survive this long with such a staggering amount of in-acceptance?
~{}~
Zero felt his strength of will return, where it had shamefully crumbled before. He re-enforced the iron grip on himself, shutting off his feelings toward their bond. He slid his fangs out of Kuran's neck and licked the pureblood's skin where he had punctured it, catching a few stray drops of blood. He was still thirsty, but he refused himself the relief for the sake of comfort. Drinking for the relief of pain was bad enough as it was... and he hated himself for that lapse in control, but he would not drink for comfort... even if it was so tempting.
And Kuran was making that lure so much worse. God, it was so tempting to continue - to feel his teeth sink into the willing flesh, to have the heavy, sticky crimson crawl down his throat as it filled the empty, icy cavern on the inside of his chest with warmth. His desperate body wanted to yield, to finally dull the pain of that icy grip of his thirst that always lay so tangibly close, just below the surface. What made it even harder, was that now, when he drank as he was conscious instead of falling to level E or dying, he could feel the connection between them. He could feel Kuran's power. Literally drinking it, he became stronger, feasting on someone else. He craved more - his body urged him to continue - being so close to the pureblood, smelling his scent. His body was unbelievably cruel to make him enjoy this. It was so good and yet so disgusting that he yearned for it like this. It was only proof of how true his words were.
Nothing but a monster.
He hung his head, his forehead involuntarily touching against the pureblood's chest, getting a grip on himself. Kuran was hugging him. Like there was nothing wrong. But everything was wrong.
Their bond was wrong, him leeching off the pureblood's neck was wrong, and so was Kuran's pity... He didn't want it. Any of it.
Suppressing his frustration, he refused the tears that threatened to creep down his face. This was all so wrong.
"Hey," Kuran's voice whispered softly. Zero didn't react.
"Look at me." the pureblood urged.
The hunter shook his head.
But he should have known there was no way to refuse the pureblood. Kuran's hand nudged his chin. Zero wanted to pull away, but he was already up against the wall. There was nowhere to escape. And the lure of his pure blood was so strong, the warmth he needed was so close – a beacon of comfort waiting for his resolve to crumble… Zero felt trapped, felt imprisoned by their closeness. He was now hopelessly caught between the cravings for blood because he was a pureblood's mate and his desperation to remain strong and refuse his vampire nature. He was chained to the vampire... even though Kuran had denied that.
But he was. Apparently, chains weren't necessary - his own weakness was enough. The pureblood's hand forced the hunter to face his captor. Without flinching, he met that gaze, staring at the warm look he received with dull eyes. He was worn out. He had lost control and broken down entirely in front of a pureblood. It was inacceptable for a hunter. But then again, who was he kidding? What hunter would stoop as low as him and drink from a pureblood? There was no honor left to defend. No pride left to flatter. No hunter left inside the vampire. He was nothing but a monster.
"You're not a monster, Zero."
Denial rose up like a beast inside him at those words.
"I'm a freaking leech, Kuran. Are you blind?" he rasped, the words dripping with self-disgust. But Kuran's gaze did not waver.
"You're a vampire, Zero. Not a monster. You need to drink blood, it's a need every vampire has. You die without it. There's nothing bad about it. It is a basic need of your body now. It's like drinking water, like eating food."
"It kills people." Zero said miserably.
"That is always your choice, Zero. It is what separates you from Level E. Unless you're drained to the point of dying you can chose to let the other live. If you kill because you're dying, then you do it for self-preservation. That doesn't make you a monster, Zero. That doesn't make us monsters."
Zero heard the words but his mind refused to acknowledge them. He was too convinced that he was an abomination.
"Don't tell me that humans are all innocent." Kuran continued his lecture. "You know it's not true. It's not what you eat that defines what kind of a person you are. It's the choices you make. You know perfectly well that there are those who kill for sport, for fun, because they enjoy seeing others suffer. Not because they're hungry or dying. Humans can be cruel, too and you know that as well as I do."
Zero closed his eyes in defeat. He wouldn't argue with Kuran. It was utterly pointless. How could the pureblood even begin to understand the price Zero had paid? The years of his struggle, years of his will battling against the unyielding thirst, years of determination, believing he could somehow defend his honor even though he knew he'd lost it already when his control slipped and he took from Yuki for the first time.
And now he had fed on Kuran twice in one week.
It was all in vain. He now was that same loathsome blood sucking monster he never wanted to become. And though he wished he could deny it with everything he had, he knew he would be needing blood regularly now - Kuran had said so. And he knew that it was true.
In the end, what did it matter?
~{}~
Kaname scrutinized the hunter's face. Zero was so frustratingly silent. Neither word, nor sound escaped from his lips and their bond was void of him again. The only indicator that something had changed inside him was his eyes. They had closed now as though he had just accepted some inevitable doom. When they opened again, it was almost painful to see. Not only were they no longer red but they were also no longer anguished.
No, it was much worse now: they were empty.
Besides being in obvious emotional distress that Zero felt the needed to hide from his mate, Kaname knew the hunter was still thirsty. He'd hardly drunk at all. For a body that had sustained that much injury and had been malnourished for years, the small amount he had taken wouldn't be nearly enough. Kaname's healing had helped, but a large part of that healing had to come from the strength of the hunter's own body and that could only be replenished over time and with blood. Kaname didn't need to let his senses scan the hunter's body to tell him that. Even the scratch marks on Zero's throat that he'd dealt himself had not yet healed. He was denying himself not what he craved but what he vitally needed.
It would be an easy thing to shield the hunter's mind, cloud his thoughts and let his body take control to have its fill. But Zero would know what Kaname had done and that would mean a breach in trust he wasn't willing to make. In the long run it wouldn't help the actual problem; it wouldn't provide a path for the hunter toward more acceptance of his vampire needs.
Kaname looked into the empty glaze in the lilac eyes. This amount of self-hatred wouldn't be easily healed - if it ever would be. Kaname tightened his embrace around Zero. The scent of Zero's blood still dripping from his neck so close was terribly tempting. But he managed to restrain himself and held him tight. The hunter didn't struggle, but simply stared off emptily into nowhere.
Trying to heal the scratches, Kaname let his tongue roll across the hunter's throat. Zero jerked his head away halfheartedly.
"Don't, Kuran."
"It's Kaname." The pureblood said unperturbed, continuing to lick across the drying blood. He had expected more of a struggle. But Zero didn't move anymore. He resumed staring off into nowhere. It frustrated Kaname to no end. So he took the chance to let his tongue move across the hunter's skin. He had to admit to himself that it was not unpleasant. Zero's blood was delicious and his skin was incredibly soft, much too soft for someone who spent their entire time killing and sparring.
"Zero." He started. The hunter didn't answer.
It was probably not a good idea to engage in conversation with the hunter at this state. But Kaname wanted to know.
"Why do you refuse to call me by my first name?"
There was a long silence. Kaname returned to sliding his tongue across the remnants of Zero's claw marks. It provided a false sense of closeness, letting the bond hum quietly inside the pureblood and filling his chest with warmth to be near his mate, even if Zero's mood was sullen. He knew perfectly well that it was only their bond and meant nothing whatsoever. He enjoyed what he could get nonetheless.
"I don't know you." Zero answered at length with an empty voice.
Kaname froze.
It hurt. He should have known, he thought ruefully. Of course he should have understood that there truly was nothing between them, not even the smallest spark of fondness. But for some reason it really hurt to hear that anyway. Maybe it hurt so much because right now, Kaname was holding the hunter. And healing him. Right after he had been feeding him. Of course he was right in a sense – they hardly knew each other. But then again, other people went by first names and knew less about one another.
But he really should have known. Hadn't the hunter made it perfectly clear?
I have no illusions abut our arrangement, this is all about necessity. You do not care for the likes of me, just like I don't care for the likes of you. This is merely a truce - nothing more.
"What would change that?" the pureblood asked quietly. But he didn't dare to hope. Not with Zero.
"Nothing can change that, Kuran." There was a definitiveness in the hunter's dead voice. Even if it was only the hunter's wish that they remain strangers and had nothing to do with the way his heart felt, Kaname couldn't help the surging disappointment inside.
A truce. Yes, that was definitely all that it was. The pureblood was fairly sure there had to be a lot more beneath all those many layers of stoic hunter mannerism that Zero was currently showing but if he chose to refuse any of those feelings... Kaname wouldn't show the hunter how much his words had affected him.
It's closeness we're trying to simulate. Simulate.
Simulate - not create...
The pureblood gave up. There was nothing he could do. If Zero refused him like this for the rest of their lives, perhaps he would have to take entire control over the hunter. He could. He could simply break into his mind and turn him into nothing but a puppet. A part of the real hunter would still be there, a captive of his own body. But Kaname would control him entirely. With a few individuals it was possible to have them take back control of their body afterwards. But they would be changed forever. The experience of being mentally and physically forced into submission in such a way for a long period of time broke most vampires and all humans. With someone like Zero, who refused to accept even himself entirely, Kaname was sure it would destroy him.
If ever he chose to take over the hunter, it would be the end of Zero.
Perhaps that was a drastic measure, but to Kaname it was an option.
I vowed to protect him… for Yuki. If that's what it takes…
He let go of the hunter and Zero slumped back against the wall, his face still unreadably empty. Perhaps he would have to start treating the other for what he was – a Level D.
And a hunter.
Seeing him as his bond mate obviously did not accurately describe their relationship. At all. So the silver-haired ex-human shouldn't mean anything more to him than that. A Level D. He winced at the thought already.
Kaname knew how to be ruthless. Every pureblood had a certain amount of cruelty embedded in their souls. Yet even if he had nothing but a shred of a conscience, Zero had saved his life.
He really didn't want to treat him like that. With contempt. He didn't want to revert back to how they had treated each other four years ago. He really didn't. But what choice did he have, really? He could continue to make a fool of himself, hoping for something akin to friendship. But in the end he would only be disappointed for all his unreturned efforts. So he should stop trying. If the hunter wanted nothing at all to do with him, then so be it.
He would wait for their bond to take effect.
Until then, he would keep a distance. Perhaps that would end up working better for them. Perhaps they truly were too different to ever have a conversation at eye level. Kaname nodded internally to himself. If he couldn't find it in himself to muster contempt, he could try indifference.
For a while at least...
~{}~
Zero didn't care. He knew that at some point he would have to get up, brush off the dust and go on with his life or whatever it was you called it. But right now, the full scope of his dependency weighed him down like lead. He would be lying to himself if he said he didn't notice the care in the pureblood's hold and he would be lying as well if he didn't acknowledge how the loss of warmth felt chilling as he left the pureblood's embrace and fell back against the hard wall. But Zero squashed that feeling ruthlessly. He did not want to feel better with Kuran so close. No matter how intimate the act of blood drinking and healing was, Zero didn't want any closeness between them. The hunter refused to show his emotion as the pureblood leaned in again to speak quietly.
"You wanted to know the rules, Kiryu?" the coldness in his voice was harsh in its stark contrast to the softly spoken reassurances from before. But Zero was glad for it – finally Kuran wasn't pretending to be cuddly anymore. This was so much more like the pureblood. Kuran got up and stood, looking down at him, his face expressionless. It felt hilariously familiar. And this time, the hunter was almost glad to be reminded of the days at Cross Academy.
All that pointless anger he had had then, he remembered wryly. It had earned him nothing. But the way the pureblood was looking down at him now was quite similar to those days. When Kuran had slammed him into the wall, demanding his obedience like the arrogant son-of-a-bitch that he was. When he didn't waste his time on softly spoken words that meant nothing. When he made it perfectly clear that Zero was no more than a tool in his hands for the protection of Yuki.
Those were the days.
But they were never coming back. They could never come back because now Zero was not the same person anymore.
She was gone. And there was nothing left to truly care for. He upheld his sensei's values and fought. But his fights were no longer fueled by anger or hatred. Necessity and the need for purpose provided the strength he required. Even now, with the arrogant pureblood staring down at him, he would no longer be able to summon his anger from those days. Because nothing mattered. The cold reality was that he would work as a hunter until he died and it would matter to no one. Or as it looked now, he would serve a pureblood as a meaningless pawn yet again. And if he died, it would matter to no one either. Only the fact that Kuran's life was now tied to his mattered to anyone.
It should matter to him, too.
He had saved that gloating pureblood's wretched life.
Zero should be the one making demands, should be rubbing it under Kuran's nose that he was alive because of him.
But Zero didn't care.
And as long as he told himself that it didn't matter to him, it was easier to bear the cold reality than the false pretense.
"I will explain the rules, then. Kiryu..." Kuran continued.
The hunter looked at the pureblood without a hint of emotion in his demeanor. No more pretending. Finally.
Now, what is it you want, pureblood?
Kuran spoke, his voice bored and cold. "I am tired of your games, Kiryu. It is simple. Our physical well-being is intertwined and therefore your health is of my concern whether that notion appeals to you or not. I can't have your recklessness interfering with my work. You will come to me straight away whenever you are wounded. I do not share your devotion for self-sacrifice nor will I tolerate the pain of hunter inflicted wounds unnecessarily. Apart from that you will drink from me in regular intervals as well. You will care for your body. I expect you to promise this and to keep your promise. Is that understood?"
Zero looked at him silently.
He had already made up his mind to submit to whatever the pureblood wanted, because in the end the pureblood had a claim on his life. It didn't matter that Zero had saved his ass. Kuran was a pureblood and could enforce whatever the hell he wanted. What he was offering was nothing unusual perhaps between mated vampires, but to any other vampire it was a gift, even Zero knew that much. And currently, he felt more like he was 'any other' vampire. There was no closeness between him and Kuran. They were strangers.
They were supposed to be enemies.
"What do you want in return, Kuran?" Zero asked quietly. He just wanted to know. It wouldn't change his mind.
"Your blood for mine."
A fair trade. It could have been worse. Much worse. Zero knew. He knew this only too well. But he wouldn't have refused him, even if he'd asked more. Zero didn't believe that Kuran would keep it only at blood in return, but he didn't say it.
"We both know you can just take what you want. Why bother with an arrangement?" he said in a tired voice. They both knew perfectly well what Zero meant, though he hadn't said out loud what he thought.
Kuran looked at him for a long time as if judging how much he wanted to say.
"I already told you, I have no interest in making you my servant. Consider it an act of gratitude to you for saving my life so selflessly, though unknowingly. I won't forget it, Kiryu. I will not force you to like me, but I will not let you sabotage me, either. So, what is your answer?"
Even Zero could tell, there wasn't the same amount of coldness in Kuran's voice as he'd had four years ago.
They were so doomed.
And it was all his own damned fault.
"I will come to you when I am in need of blood." He agreed quietly. It wasn't like he had much of a choice anyway.
The pureblood nodded slowly. Then he reached down and lifted the hunter's chin, exposing the wounds that hadn't quite closed up yet. He traced them with his finger before he sat down on the hunter's bed looking intently into Zero's eyes. Kuran's voice was unemotional when he spoke.
"Prove it and finish what you started. You will drink until you are fully healed."
~{}~
It was in the cold hour before dawn that four shady figures slipped in through a small door in a stone wall as the darkness in the sky lifted imperceptibly.
"Why are we meeting here of all places?" Miyazaki said disdainfully, staring at the moldy walls with contempt. "Perhaps we should have met again at Ishida-san's. His facilities are more pleasing to the eye and nose."
"It isn't advisable to meet at the same place twice in a row. It's why we take turns, Miyazaki-san. But thank you for the compliment." Ishida answered in a low voice.
"I found out we were being watched in my house the last time we talked there - now we are going somewhere else." Ojima said, his blue eyes searching the horizon before closing the door behind himself, plunging the four vampires into utter blackness.
"And this makes you feel safe?" Fukuda taunted as the echoes of the closed door disintegrated into the tunnel.
The nervous noble decided not to comment and bit back a retort. Instead, he lit a torch and marched off to the left, the others following him.
A cold draft accompanied them as they hurried down a dark flight of broken stairs in the dim light and Ojima shivered. But it wasn't really from the cold air.
"Pretty place." Fukuda commented. "Your vacation residence?"
Ojima rolled his eyes. The other two were perfectly capable of shutting the hell up for at least a few minutes - a talent Fukuda apparently had never learned nor understood the necessity to acquire.
Ojima just gave him a cold look, trying to hide his annoyance both at the noble's attitude and his attire. The extravagant vampire was dressed in ridiculously expensive golden robes. Right... Lately, Fukuda had cultivated a certain interest in ancient Egyptian history. Most likely he was dressing in resemblance to some ancient Egyptian god or the like. Ojima didn't care to wonder which one it was. He only noticed because it was such a nuisance.
At the end of the stairs, he placed the torch into an old fashioned torch holder and pulled out a bunch of keys. As they stood before an ancient oak door, Fukuda jingled his jewelery arrogantly.
"Have you ever considered modern security measures, Councilor Ojima? You know... electronics?" Fukuda prodded.
Ojima slid the key into the look and a quiet hum answered. The door swung open soundlessly and revealed a large hangar behind a thick glass pane, filled with helicopters and military equipment.
"What kind of an idiot do you take me for?" he growled tersely.
Fukuda's face brightened. "So modern technology didn't entirely elude you..."
"Very funny." Ojima answered.
The noble stepped to a panel at the wall and a laser beam scanned his entire body soundlessly.
A mechanical voice broke the silence. "Masaki Ojima. Code 73-325-8. Access granted."
Ojima led them into a windowless conference room and they were all seated. He pushed a button and ordered refreshments to be brought in. After half a minute, a maid appeared and served beverages and condiments.
"Do you always chose your staff with looks inferior even to your own?" Fukuda asked without bothering to care that the maid was still in the room with them. Quickly, she scurried out of sight, trying to hide how much the words had affected her. Ojima gave him an acidic look.
"My choice of staff is none of your concern."
"Actually, it is." Ishida interjected, getting straight to the point with a sour tone of voice. "I don't care about the looks of your maids." At this he shot Fukuda a cold glare. "But your choice of assassins is certainly the worst ever recorded in history." his gaze pierced the uncomfortably cornered noble.
"I could have simply told you myself that they would fail. Using them was your choice and my interjections fell on deaf ears, if I remember correctly." Ojima answered tersely.
"Then kindly remind us, what exactly were you good at, again?" Miyazaki said. To say Ojima was enraged was an understatement.
"He makes us look good in comparison..." Fukuda said smugly.
"Why you..." Ojima growled viciously as he rose from his chair.
"Nothing could make you look good in comparison, Fukuda." Miyazaki sneered with distaste. "Your choice in clothing is even worse than his choice in assassins. What vampire walks around as an ancient Egyptian sun god anyway?"
"Enough." Ishida ordered sternly, motioning Ojima to sit down again. "This is no joking matter, Councilors. We are here for a reason."
"You don't say. Please enlighten me..." Fukuda drawled.
Ishida's eyes sparkled angrily.
"I am in no mood for your child's play. We are here for business. The hunters are a problem. So are the Kurans, in case any of you have forgotten."
Mayazaki put on the best version of her I-told-you-so face, while Fukuda leaned back, rolling his eyes as though none of this concerned him in the slightest. Ojima glowered at the table into the long silence before suddenly his face lit up with newly forming idea.
"Then... " Ojima began slowly "Why not let them fight each other?"
Fukuda rolled his eyes again. "How stupid do you think..." he began, but Mayazaki interrupted him, her face twisted into a cruel smile.
"Of course... it's brilliant."
Ishida rose an eyebrow.
"You morons." Fukuda began. "That won't work. The young Kuran is all about co-existance... have you entirely forgotten this?" Fukuda growled.
"That's what makes the plan so good." Miyazaki smiled, her cold eyes taking on a hue of danger that even Fukuda didn't dare scoff at.
"Think about it... a pair of warring purebloods. And one of them upholds the wonderful peace, while the other seeks to destroy it. That would mean, the hunters would automatically side with the peace-keeper.
"That's exactly my point," Fukuda growled. "We'd get rid of one threat and double two others."
"Not if something was revealed that made the peacekeeping pureblood look bad... after he achieved our goal... " Miyazaki grinned triumphantly. "... insanity for example."
Ojima smiled. "And what better way to accomplish that than take away his bond mate..."
Ishida nodded slowly. "Maybe you're not as useless after all, Ojima." he complemented. "That would leave only the hunters in the end. And they - as you so adequately put it, Fukuda - are nothing to worry about."
Fukuda's eyes narrowed, before very slowly, his lips curled into a smirk. "Please, do continue. I'm beginning to like this."
~{}~
It was dark, but Zero couldn't tell whether he was outdoors or indoors. It was too dark to see. Like a blind man, he staggered to his weary feet and stumbled onward on a ground that could have been an overgrown path or a musky tunnel floor. He still couldn't tell which.
It was not in his nature to fear the darkness. Darkness was only emptiness. It had no meaning. And emptiness had no bearing over someone who was nothing. Zero stopped walking. Why should he continue? In an endless darkness it didn't matter if he stopped now or later.
It was cold. Very cold. Zero shivered to the bones. He wasn't even sure if he was wearing clothes. All he knew was that there was nothing to stop the cold from seeping into his body.
"So, you decided to stop walking?"
That voice... that terrible voice. Zero's heart plummeted into a cold and dead despair. No one else's voice held more mockery and condemnation for the hunter than that one.
"You will freeze here... All alone. You will freeze slowly in the darkness where no one will ever care for you. No one will remember you. No one will care. I will make sure of it... Brother..."
Zero saw nothing, but he felt the coldness clutch him. It wasn't the coldness of thirst, it was a bitter cold of a deep winter and it seized him throughout his entire body. His bones burned with frost, his body refused to cooperate as he felt all limbs slowly paralyze from the inside out.
But that wasn't what doused his determination. Zero could push his body if he wanted to. He could overcome physical exertion and pain if he set his mind to it. He had been on too many missions from which he had never been expected to return. He could fight.
But only if he had a reason to.
Here, Zero had no reason to continue onwards. He gave up and let his body freeze to immobility.
That terrible voice ensured that he didn't struggle. It was a startling realization that it took no physical force to break him. It took no pain to seal his submission. It took only words. Words spoken in that voice.
He would not struggle against it. He wanted to hear that voice. Even if it only condemned and loathed him.
But it was the only reminder of the days when the world was right. The only thing that made it possible to recall days without a battle, without struggle. Days of sunshine.
If Zero tried hard enough, his brother's harsh words would morph into Ichiru's child voice. He would hear his younger twin call out in with excitement:
"Mommy, look what I found..."
And he would hear their mother answering in an amused tone.
"That's way too big, Ichiru-chan... We can't take that home..."
Zero's memories were all there. In his head. Small treasures that he cherished.
Then the darkness swept into him again and he was here.
Wherever here was. In the cold and dark.
Ichiru's harsh laughter tore through the emptiness, bearing no resemblance to his child voice of Zero's memory. And the hunter wondered faintly if he hadn't just imagined it all. If he wasn't just cursed with a child's vivid imagination, making up a past that had never existed.
Maybe he was wrong after all and there had never been happy days in his past. Perhaps Ichiru had always been cold and calculating, ruthlessly exploiting his brother's protectiveness of him. Perhaps his parents hadn't ever tried to be fair to either of them and their relationship had been doomed from day one.
And even the day that he died in Zero's arms, Ichiru had only used him. Had infected his mind with more guilt than he could handle. And now that he had snaked his way into Zero's soul he would reside there and haunt him forever.
It was a terrible thought. But right now it all made sense. It was that brilliant darkness that let Zero crumble.
Everything could go to hell.
And then a match lit in the darkness.
Zero could not look away, though he knew who he would see.
Ichiru's leering grin tormented the freezing hunter more than the pain of the cold ever could. It tore his heart in two and wrenched his soul apart.
But the sneering image of his twin only mocked his emotional upheaval.
"Aww... little big brother... are we sad about something?" another harsh crackle of laughter tore from his throat, but Zero could say nothing. Tears threatened to spill at the sound of so much contempt. His throat was swollen and he swallowed hard.
"You think the world is unfair to you?
You dare believe that you should be allowed to die? To end your misery?"
Ichiru's words were cruel, but they were true. Zero's heart answered them. He knew what the proper response was, but the words refused to come out.
"Look at your pathetic self... look at what you've become. You're a traitor. A junkie to the blood that contaminated you. You're no hunter... you're a whore to a pureblood. No better than me."
I never cared to be better than you, Ichiru. I only wanted to protect you... Zero wanted to speak, but he couldn't, his body was frozen.
Ichiru took a step toward him, his terrible smile fading into an unemotional mask.
"Do you know what hunters do with traitors?" Ichiru held up the match. It was burning in a purple flame, crackling with hunter magic.
"They kill them."
Then the flame struck him. It seared him with a freezing coldness that shocked him into a soundless scream.
Then everything blazed in purple.
~{}~
Zero woke with a start, panting heavily. He lay in the bed, his sweat-covered body stuck to the blankets and for a few moments, he couldn't be sure if he was unbearably hot or freezing cold.
"Ichiru..." he whispered into the silent room.
There were patches of sunlight on the floor from where they came in through the curtains, but even though Zero looked at them, he couldn't see them.
Images and emotions of his dream consumed him.
He hurt.
Not physically - Kuran's blood had him fully healed with his strength replenished. But in his heart he felt sick and raw.
His dream had only shown the truth. The ugly and untainted truth. He was a traitor. But he didn't deserve to die. That was too easy.
Wonderful...
Wiping his brow, he staggered into the bathroom. He was too hot. He would need to take a cold shower.
~{}~
It was already bright and sunny outside when the other three council members left, leaving an exhausted Ojima to sit back down in a chair at his conference table. Before the maid could even ask if he wanted to have anything more, the air shivered in front of the noble and he blanched.
The horrible pureblood gave him not a minute to collect his wits. Ojima gritted his teeth as the shape of Rido Kuran-sama reassembled without haste in front of him.
"Master." he said, obediently kneeling. He detested stooping so low. He didn't mind betraying the Council, nor did he care for the stupid plans they had with the hunters and the Kurans, but he did despise being as inferior to the purebloods as he was. He wanted to resist the call that Rido-sama's orders always seduced him with, he didn't want to kneel here like a slave on his own floor. But he feared what would happen if he didn't.
"That's a boy." Rido-sama smiled, sliding his fingers into Ojima's hair and patting his head like a dog. The noble shuddered involuntarily under the pureblood's hand. He remembered only too well what that same hand had patted only a few hours earlier. Perhaps you couldn't truly buy loyalty with money. But you surely could with fear. Fear could nurture itself if it was done correctly. Therefore loyalty could be enforced for a very, very long time. But even though Ojima knew this with his mind, it didn't change how his body quivered every time Rido-sama appeared.
"You'll make a good puppet." Rido-sama smirked. Surely, he had felt him tremble. A part of Ojima's mind cursed himself for showing such weakness. But another part of himself was happy to have pleased the pureblood. It was that part that Ojima hated and feared. A lower class vampire served the high born. Always. It was in their blood to do so. And they both loved and hated it.
It was tragic in a way, Ojima thought. The other Councilors thought themselves so clever. Their attitudes had won him over all those decades ago in his youth. He had believed them when their words wove into his mind so cunningly. They had him convinced that the Vampire Council had such power that they could keep even purebloods in check. And so cleverly had they spoken that he had been convinced that joining their ranks would give him the same power.
And then Kaname Kuran had destroyed the Council of Elders three and a half years ago. Just like that. The upheaval that had followed in the wake of that incident was tremendous. Vampires could not be left leaderless. Anarchy was sure to follow. Everyone had looked to the Kuran pair, some hoping they would pledge themselves to rule, some hoping they would be assassinated so another - more adequate and vampire-friendly ruler - could take their place.
Kuran had dismissed their calls and a new Council was established. Younger nobles ruled the vampire world now. Or so they thought. The bitter truth was that they were being watched - always. And they were only a playground for purebloods. Even if they thought that they played a dangerous game with high stakes - to the purebloods it was just a child's play. A part time amusement to watch. He hadn't wanted to believe it. But Ojima knew this now. By joining the Council he had only sped up his life to an untimely end. He would have never been bold enough to challenge Rido Kuran if Ishida and the others hadn't had him so convinced that he was stronger with them. Sadly enough, it was his own fault that he had been outrun by his own stupidity. Now, he was only reaping the 'benefits' of his youthly enthusiasm.
Rido-sama's fingers clenched into his hair, yanking back his head forcefully. Ojima had no choice. With vulnerably open eyes he stared into the pureblood's face.
"Your thoughts strayed, my little puppet." Rido smirked. "That is very unseemly for a servant of someone with my status. Your thoughts should be of my well-being only. Everything you do, every moment you breathe and every instinct you have is only given to you by the courtesy of my generosity, do you understand?"
"Yes, master." Ojima answered dutifully as his body trembled. The pureblood was pressing his mind, almost crushing his will. This was a game to him. But for Ojima it was hell. Struggling against a pureblood in this fashion was painful to the mind, it drained his energy and he broke into a sweat.
"You did well today, puppet." the pureblood let go of his hair but held his gaze. "I like the quarters you've provided me with in this facility and the insight into your pathetic life that it grants me. I will reward you."
Rido-sama began to unbutton his own shirt, exposing his perfect chest somewhat and slid his fingers across the fly of his slacks.
"You get to choose what service you'd like to provide me with." He smiled, his two mismatched eyes glittering dangerously.
Ojima's heart raced. He feared Rido-sama's wrath. The pureblood made sure that whenever he used the noble that he was thoroughly humiliated by his own desires. It was ingrained into vampires that they wanted to please their superiors. Rido-sama exploited that expertly. No matter how much pain he was in, Rido-sama always made a part of him enjoy what the pureblood did to his body. Ojima shuddered with both panic and anticipation.
"You can either spread your legs now for a short ride, my puppet..." Rido-sama smirked at him "... or attend a lengthy meeting with me in which at the end I will spread someone else's legs." Ojima watched the pureblood's satisfied smirk that with a mixture of disgust and fear.
"I will attend your meeting with you," he whispered in shame. He wasn't honorable enough to waste a thought on sparing whomever the pureblood would choose to torment tonight and he seriously doubted that even if he did it would make any difference. He was only ashamed of the fact that his choice was motivated by fear alone.
And he knew his choice was a mistake instantly, as Rido-sama's face lit up with a horribly cruel smirk.
"A wise decision, my puppet. Then let us hurry up to meet your family. I was really looking forward to it. After all, what father wouldn't want to make sure that his daughter lost her virginity to someone worthy of it? How many fathers really have the privilege of truly knowing who deflowered their child?"
Ojima's face blanched and his eyes widened in shock. Rido laughed.
"Please... Master... she's barely eleven... I'll... I'll do anything..." Ojima stuttered.
"I knew you'd make a good puppet."
~{}~
"Ahhh..." Kaname gasped in pleasure.
A set of fangs buried themselves deep into his flesh, but to his amazement there was nothing painful about it.
The sounds of tender sucking reached his ear and he felt like he was on fire as his blood was drawn slowly and sensually. The soft lips enclosed his skin like dark velvet, cushioning the sweetness of the moment even more. The pureblood tightened his hold on...
What was he holding onto? He blushed with shame. He hadn't meant to show his weakness like this. He had meant to hold on to the wall, the furniture - anything that couldn't betray how much he delighted in this. Instead, he found that he was holding onto smooth skin spread over tight, rippling muscles.
He was startled so bad by the realization that he wasn't holding onto an object that he almost lost balance. Dizziness swept over him and he swayed.
He was falling.
But something caught him. No... not something. SomeONE.
Strong arms wound around his torso, refusing to let go. With a strong grip, Kaname was pressed chest to chest to the vampire feasting on his blood. He felt disoriented from the loss of blood and for some reason his body welcomed those strong arms like a long-awaited embrace. Their warmth burned through the pureblood's body, holding him, rooting him. And though his knees had given way, he was held upright by a secure grip, neither squashing nor loosening.
It was such an intimate feeling. It was so familiar. The pureblood found it increasingly tempting to simply give in.
But he didn't.
Kaname struggled to regain his footing, tried to literally find his feet again. But his nervous system seemed to be connected to the wrong body parts. He wanted to stand on his feet, but instead his arms gripped the other person more tightly. He wanted to disentangle himself from the unrelenting grasp, but he found that he was actually molding his body closer to it.
His blood was being drawn from his body slowly and passionately, inducing a pleasurable haze. The soft lips moved against his skin where the sharp teeth were still embedded in his flesh. The warmth of those arms lulled him into safety. But his shame morphed into a sudden shock of realization as it became clear that he could do nothing to prevent this. He was in someone else's hands, someone else's very skilled hands. He could only let it happen and watch as he was being drained, slowly and delightfully.
His body trembled. There was more...
His hips moved against the other person, his slacks slid against rough fabric, but underneath he was hard. And he wasn't the only one.
The realization scared him, he wanted to get away. But in his sudden panic, Kaname forgot himself entirely. He was supposed to be regal, he was supposed to be in control... but right now he wasn't. And he struggled blindly.
But the arms tightened their hold on him.
"Shhhhh... Kaname... It's ok."
It was Zero's voice, low and reassuring.
"You're mine." he whispered into the pureblood's ear.
Then he bit down again, devouring more of Kaname's blood.
Instantly, Kaname relaxed. It was Zero. Zero was ok.
With Zero it wouldn't hurt.
~{}~
Kaname opened his eyes. He slid his hand to his neck, running his fingers over the place where Zero had bitten him, both in his dream and in reality just a few hours ago. The blood throbbed beneath the sensitive skin as he contemplated the ceiling.
It wasn't the only thing throbbing.
Kaname tried to still his rapidly beating heart as it pumped loudly into the stillness of his room. Chills still ran up and down his spine from his dream.
There was nothing wrong about being aroused from having your blood drawn. It was perfectly natural - especially if it was your bond mate. Even dreaming of your bond mate was just as normal. But for the two of them it was not fitting.
It was just so... personal. So... intimate.
He swallowed a sigh. It had felt so good to hold the hunter and drink that intoxicating blood after Zero had healed properly. He wouldn't lie to himself. It felt very good to give his blood as well. Zero had been gentle after all and even the thought of that aroused the pureblood greatly. If he was that good at providing pleasure unknowingly, how would it be if he really tried... Heat pooled in the pureblood's groin.
Kaname shook his head. They would remain dreams and nothing more. The pureblood wouldn't even allow them to become wishful thinking. These dreams would pass and the unfulfilled desires would dissipate soon enough. There would be no intimacy between Zero and him. And that was the end of it. He tried to convince himself that this was how it was meant to be. But there was nothing to keep the coldness at bay that threatened to engulf him when he thought about how distant they truly were.
What a price to pay for being alive, he thought wryly. Kaname was no fool. He was perfectly aware of the fact that their bond was affecting him more than the hunter. He would have to see how things went. There was always the possibility of turning the hunter into a soulless slave. An image of empty lilac eyes arose in his mind. No... he decided. If it could be avoided, he wouldn't take the life from those eyes. And in his mind, their empty stare changed into lustful gaze.
You're mine...
Kaname's pulse quickened. He shook his head again. With a wry glance, he contemplated his arousal.
Wonderful...
Wiping his brow, he staggered into the bathroom. He was too hot. He would need to take a cold shower.
~{}~
Kaname emerged from the shower minutes later. From the other room he could hear the water running as well. The hunter was most likely plagued by nightmares that refused to let him sleep. Kaname had felt him wake through their bond. Then he cleared his thoughts. He shouldn't concern himself with the hunter's issues. He had enough of his own at the moment.
Seeking peace of mind that he could not seem to find in his room, he composed himself and dressed. He would get no more sleep today. It was only early afternoon outside. No time for a vampire to be awake, but he couldn't muster the energy to pour over contracts and files just yet. Quietly, he walked through the Kuran Mansion until he came to a dismal looking corridor that ended in rubble and debris. It was the wing of his house that had crumbled almost entirely during his descent into madness at the loss of Yuki.
It hadn't exactly been an accident that this part of the building had suffered as much damage as it had. In his madness, thoughts of her had been most painful. Takuma and his other servants had managed to get the rest of the place cleaned up and restored, but this part remained instable and therefore untouched. But the pureblood knew the structures without seeing them. They were Yuki's rooms. Well, they had been. Though she had spent much time in his rooms, Kaname had still wanted her to have her own space. As far as he was concerned the whole house was hers if she wanted it. He didn't need it. He didn't care for the life of luxuries he was supposed to entertain. Yet now it was all he had that reminded him of her. A house full of quiet, full of memories. Memories of happiness and memories of death.
So many memories. Kaname stood there, looking at the rubble but he didn't really see it. Instead, he was remembering. His father had died before the gates of this house. His mother had sacrificed herself in these rooms for her daughter.
They were his family. They would always be. He would tell himself that for as long as he had to until he believed it entirely. Other things in his mind challenged that conviction harshly but he stoically pushed those thoughts aside. He refused to remember Haruka, Juuri and Yuki as anything but his family. With a newfound determination, Kaname cleared his mind to push aside the rubble with the power of his thoughts. Unperturbed by the chaotic wreckage and questionable structural integrity, he walked through the shifting debris purposefully, lifting the rubble before him and piling it neatly behind, until he found what he was looking for.
He stopped in the shadow of fallen stone, gazing at the furniture that was illuminated by the bright beams of sunlight. Her favorite dresser stood out amid the mess. To an outsider it appeared miraculously unharmed in a sea of chaos, but seeing how it had been Kaname who had brought down these walls in the first place, it was not that surprising that even in terrible hurt and pain he couldn't harm any of the things that had been really dear to her.
He stood there for a moment, letting the sight soothe his restless mind. He had so much to take care of, but for a few seconds he needed this lull of quiet. The memory lane. His mind quieted and arranged the necessities into a plan. He stood there in the shadows, seemingly contemplating her belongings. He liked them there, in the sun. It was strangely fitting that they were illuminated while he stood in shadow. It made him smile fleetingly. Then he decided to push a few things into motion.
"Seiren." he said quietly. He wasn't in the least surprised when he heard a shuffling beside him. No matter the hour, when he summoned her she always came. And she was always dressed. He did wonder how she did it sometimes.
"Kaname-sama?" she bowed. He didn't spare her a glance, his gaze still caught by the sight of Yuki's things, but he knew she wouldn't be offended.
"I anticipate difficulties with the Council." he said quietly.
"Of what nature, Kaname-sama?" she didn't ask why he called her to this part of the Mansion. Kaname could always trust her to never question him.
"Both Takuma and Kiryu will be targeted. Takuma's safety is vital to my reputation, Kiryu's is vital to my life. Ensure that Kiryu is safe - both from the Council and the Hunter's Association."
"I understand, Kaname-sama."
"Be as unobtrusive as possible, but if he is attacked again by higher class nobles or senior hunters, you are authorized to kill if necessary. I will worry about my reputation myself. That is all for now."
"Understood, Kaname-sama." She bowed and left.
Kaname stood there as the sun sparkled on what used to be Yuki's, gazing at what her hands had once touched. The mirror that had reflected her face so often was unharmed. The finish on the wooden dresser was entirely unscratched. It called to him, for some reason and he stepped out of the shadow. Softly, Kaname traced his fingers across the wooden surface slightly lost in memories, but he stopped before they touched the object on the dresser. It was the Artemis. He had given it to her - through Cross, of course, but it had been his gift to her.
"Yuki..." he whispered. She had always thought only the best of him. Kaname shook his head.
There was nothing good in him. She had been what was good inside him. Now he was a pureblood without humanity. What he was about to do would be unforgivable in her eyes. But she wasn't here anymore to tell him that.
There was no one left to tell him that. There was no one left who would tell him what was wrong and what was right. She wasn't here anymore to wield the Artemis, she wasn't here to support him.
He was alone.
Zero had saved his life, yes. But he was not Yuki. It had been only Yuki's humanity throughout all these years that had held him back.
For a fleeting moment, Kaname's mind swayed dangerously. There was always darkness lurking beneath. Anyone who could have seen him in that moment would have seen his eyes burn crimson suddenly, felt his aura flare dangerously and would have questioned his sanity.
He shouldn't touch it. He knew it was a bad idea, but Kaname ignored it anyway. His fingers brushed the hunter weapon, but it's sting didn't hurt him. It was a special hunter weapon after all.
He was a pureblood. Why should he not take what he wanted? Why should he not destroy what stood in his path and turn into slaves whoever stood in his way? If there was no one to stop him, if they were unworthy, why should they deserve to be left in command? His eyes narrowed and the torn walls around him cracked a bit more as his power surged dangerously. He barely noticed that his power had extended the shadows, engulfing him entirely, blocking the sunlight from where he stood. His fingers had enclosed the hunter weapon now and he was about to unsheathe its dual nature. It needed only a flick of his wrist.
Why shouldn't they all tremble under his wrath?
It was her mirror that brought him back. He stared at his reflection, seeing the face of Kaname Kuran, eyes crimson and fangs hungry, ashen and heartless in the cold shadows. It was a strange face. His own and at the same time not his own. It was the face of a body he had been given after Rido had awoken him. He knew he wasn't truly Kaname Kuran, that he only pretended to be him. A body he had rented permenantly. But he didn't want to revert back to the vampire he truly was. For all these years, her smile had always brought him back successfully and he had never truly slipped. Not like now. And when she died, he had hoped it would be his end.
Somehow he had wanted Zero to accept him. To fill in the blank space she had left in his heart. But the hunter could not replace her. She was the sparkling innocence that kept him making the right choices for the right reasons. He had wanted to honor her memory, that was why he was here, in her rooms. Though his reflection was calm now and the shadows had receaded, Kaname feared that his mind was dangerously close to becoming unstable once more. He feared that soon he would be doing the wrong things for the right reasons. And in a future not too far off, he would revert back into who he used to be, so many Millennia ago. And then he would only be doing wrongs.
Forgive me, Yuki.
Forgive me, for I will only make the promises that I can keep. I can promise you that I will do everything to keep Zero safe. I can promise you that I will try to uphold the peace between hunters and vampires, to make co-existance possible for humans and vampires. But if I am to do all that, Yuki, I fear I cannot be the man you always wanted to see in me. And I can never promise to be all you wished I was.
I will do everything to keep him safe. I will do what I remember that you taught me. But if I forget one day... If one day, some time in the future, my memory of your wishes becomes tainted and I cannot tell wrong from right anymore, I prey that you forgive me.
Forgive me dearest, for I know well what I am doing.
He put down the weapon and let his fingers caress the mirror's edge as he remained deep in thought. What he was about to do would be unforgivable to her. But it had to be done. To ensure peace. To ensure Zero's safety. To honor her memory.
It had to be done.
