A/N: My song rec for this one is 'Choking on Flowers' by Fox Academy!
7. You remind me of better times
"Surprise," her voice nearly singing from the excitement her expression fails to contain, Clementine then lets out a breathy chuckle, evidently nervous.
For a while, Sarah only stares back at her from the doorway, confused. But she isn't sure whether it's because of how unusual this all is, or if it's simply because of the way Clementine's eyes shimmer in the candlelight as she smiles at her.
"I thought you'd… I don't know, maybe… like to join me for a drink?" Clementine continues, presenting the bottle in her hand as she stands by the dining table. She isn't usually the one for formalities. In fact, neither of them are, and she can't help the smirk that creeps its way onto her lips as she maintains a character far from her own.
"Where did you get that?" asks Sarah. She'd forgotten such normal things still existed. She can only imagine how nearly impossible it must have been to get something like that.
"I found it," Clementine chirps, almost smugly. "A while ago actually, but… I've been saving it. You know, just in case."
Sarah inhales, her eyes glazing over the mesmerizing sight of the dim candles throughout the kitchen, and for a little while, her breath catches in her throat. She distances herself from her spot in the doorway. Shaking her head, the alluring scene is almost too much for her to handle.
It's well into the evening, the curtains of the house drawn completely so as not to attract unwanted attention in the dark night.
Sarah had come downstairs once Clementine called for her, thinking she needed help with something, but the older girl hadn't expected to see her standing in the kitchen waiting for her with nothing but a bottle of alcohol and a sly smirk when she reached the bottom of the stairs.
"This is… really nice, Clem, but—"
"I know, I just…" Clementine interrupts, already predicting what she wants to say. "I know it's not much, but I thought we could take our minds off things. For a little while." She tilts her head, peering at her in a way that makes the offer inescapable for Sarah just from her expression. "Please?"
Sarah hasn't been talking much lately, not since the incident with the scavenger. The girl spends an awful lot of time alone in their room, distancing herself from the outside world with her nose in a book while Clementine forces herself to give her space.
She needs it, Clementine understands that more than Sarah could hope. But still, the younger girl feels like she hasn't seen her in forever. Even a few hours without her friend's presence is almost unbearable, especially when there is just nothing else around for her except her thoughts. Clementine is just too used to her voice by now.
Sarah hesitates. "I don't know, isn't alcohol, like… bad for you?"
"Well, if you drink too much of it, I'm sure it's probably bad for you," says Clementine, observing the bottle in her hand as if it will give her an answer. "But I think it's also supposed to make you feel good or… something like that," she shrugs.
Unscrewing the cap, Clementine pours its contents into one of the wine glasses on the table, holding it out to Sarah who arrives to stand next to her. "Here, just try it."
Reluctantly, Sarah hovers her nose over the drink after accepting it, but instantly recoils from the strong smell that greets her.
Tightly pressing her lips together, Clementine withholds her laughter from Sarah's dramatic noise of disgust, as well as the fact that her struggling expression shows how much she tries to hide it afterwards.
"And you've done this before?" Sarah chokes out while scrunching up her nose. She glances up to Clementine then back at the red liquid as she repeatedly rotates it in her hand, as if it is a foreign object.
"Once," Clementine responds casually while pouring another for herself.
"Really?" Sarah perks up in curiosity.
Her eyes still avoiding Sarah's gaze, Clementine doesn't speak again for a few moments. "With Nick," she informs in a low voice, her volume suddenly fading insecurely.
Sarah blinks, her grin instantly disappearing, "Oh."
The nearly lost thought of their old friend lingers in the air between them as everything becomes dire. Clementine inspects her drink aimlessly, staring right through it. She hadn't meant to alter the warmth of the room. But neither of them say anything as she recalls the night she'd somehow found herself trapped in a shack in the middle of the woods with a newly made friend and an oversupply of moonshine.
Sarah hadn't been expecting to hear about such a moment between the two, wondering when it would've happened. But from the overflowing sorrow evident in Clementine's eyes alone, she doesn't press questions about it.
"Well… to Nick, then," Sarah breaks the gloomy silence in a small voice, slightly raising her glass in between them.
The corners of her lips tug into a sad grin as Clementine is shaken out of her trance, and she follows with the gesture. "To Nick. And… to everyone else," she laments, her hopes lifting. "Maybe one day we'll see them all again."
They clink their glasses together without further words, the thoughts held within them speaking for themselves.
There's a moment of silence as they both tilt their heads back, only for Sarah to immediately retract and erupt into a coughing fit instead. She groans painfully after forcing herself to swallow.
The other girl chuckles at the sight, Sarah's reaction to her first drink too amusing to resist a laugh, but even Clementine can't help but notice the warm feeling of wine that sits in her stomach afterwards.
"Are you trying to get me drunk or something?" Sarah observes suspiciously as she leans her back against the kitchen counter, an arm tucked across her midsection while the other lazily holds her drink near her face. She isn't even sure whether she's joking or not, for the night has already proven to be much more enjoyable than she'd presumed.
Clementine sits atop the counter opposite her, her legs dangling off the edge as the dim light casts warm shadows around them. "Maybe," she admits with a smirk, her response only half way sarcastic.
It's well past midnight now, but neither of them mind the time of night as they lose themselves in the delicacy of the moment, and the record player sounding faint in the background.
They'd found it in the living room when they first started living here, discovering nothing else but records that are way too outdated for their generation, probably originating from the nineteen-forties or somewhere around there. And when they'd first figured out how to work the thing, the unusual style had sounded like nothing they'd ever heard before. But something about it makes the two of them want to drift farther away from reality.
"I know why you're doing this," Sarah speaks up again, her voice almost emotionless.
"And why's that?" Clementine challenges while taking a sip at the same time, her voice muffled. Her eyelashes flicker upwards, peeking over the rim of her glass. Her head feeling light, she had begun to notice the effect of the alcohol a while ago, and it's been making her grin more than usual.
"You're trying to make me feel better," Sarah's conclusion is far from a question. "About what happened."
Clementine swallows, slightly pressing her brows together. "Isn't that what you want? To feel better?"
"Well… yeah," Sarah agrees hesitantly, before scrambling to clarify. "And I'm not saying that I don't. It's just hard… to forget." Her voice dissolves, the memories of that recent day flooding back to her.
There's a pause as Clementine only observes her expression, attempting to read her as they're positioned on opposite ends of the small kitchen. Her eyes momentarily flicker to the ground in thought, clearly remembering it as well.
She debates what to say, a flood of thoughts coming to mind. But then she grins weakly, a breath escaping her as her gaze connects with Sarah once more, and she responds simply instead, "Keep drinking."
"Listen… where I am right now…" Clementine jabs a thumb into her own chest, her eyes half lidded as she sways on the spot. "You like, c-can't even taste it anymore. You-" she then points an accusing finger at Sarah, "-just need to get where I am."
The other girl chuckles as they stand in front of each other, thinking about how cute Clementine is being in the moment and admiring every second of it. "I'm not sure I wanna be where you are right now," she smirks, her eyebrows raised in pure amusement.
Shooting Sarah a glance that makes her question whether Clementine had even heard her, the younger girl raises the half empty bottle she's holding up to her lips without breaking eye contact.
When she tilts her head back too far, most of it ends up spilling instead and she instantly flinches away. "Aw, shi- seriously?" she exclaims in disbelief, speaking before completely swallowing, and looking down at her now soaked shirt.
At her appalled reaction, Sarah presses a hand to her mouth in an attempt to muffle her uncontrollable laughing, and Clementine only glares at her with an annoyed expression as she slumps her shoulders.
"Oh my God, yeah, I definitely don't wanna be—hey!" Sarah is interrupted once she feels her head being slightly pulled down, realizing that Clementine had removed her baseball cap and quite sloppily put it on Sarah instead.
"Hold this," insists Clementine with a level tone as she wipes her wet chin with her forearm. Tugging down on the baseball cap, she turns to walk towards the dining table.
Catching her breath, Sarah shyly glances up at the hat on her head while brushing a few strands of hair away from her eyes, a grin still lingering on her face.
On rare occasions will Clementine actually take her hat off when she isn't sleeping. And she definitely doesn't let anyone else wear it, let alone touch it. She's always been protective over the thing, Sarah has noticed, but oddly, Clementine doesn't seem to care at all right now.
Finding a clean shirt in her backpack that had been resting on one of the dining chairs, Clementine doesn't waste a moment in removing her currently soaked one as she stands in front of the table, and Sarah suddenly realizes why she'd taken her hat off.
Instinctively looking away, Sarah stands awkwardly at her spot in the living room once she notices what Clementine is doing, her fingers fidgeting with each other in an attempt to pass the brief silence.
Clementine is turned away from her, but as Sarah looks to the ceiling, then at the ground, her eyes somehow wander back to Clementine, and she snaps her head away with guilt immediately after catching sight of her.
"Looks good on you," observes Clementine after a while as she strides back towards Sarah, her hands in her back pockets and her tone beyond casual.
"Huh? Oh- thanks," stutters Sarah, not even aware that Clementine had finished. She'd already forgotten about the hat on her head too, the insecurity of wearing such a prized possession suddenly finding her once more.
With Clementine now wearing a black long-sleeve shirt, Sarah wonders why she's the one complimenting her.
"I mean, you're pretty anyway but…" Clementine steps closer to reach for Sarah's glasses. She doesn't make eye contact with her, distracted by what she's doing instead, yet Sarah can't stop looking at her.
At first, she's not even sure what Clementine is doing, but she lets her anyway.
Her glasses now removed, the younger girl inspects her friend's new look for a brief moment before pushing them up onto the bridge of her own nose.
"Jesus, how do you see out of these things?" Clementine gasps. Peering around the room with her eyes squinted, her fingers still hold them in place as she wears the red-framed glasses.
"It's called a prescription," Sarah chuckles while Clementine turns her back to her once more, amazed at how talkative she's being. After two years of knowing each other, Sarah has never seen such a happy side of her, and she begins to wonder why she ever doubted that alcohol could have such an effect, especially on her.
When Clementine turns to face her again, Sarah erupts into a fit of giggles at the unusual sight of the other girl.
"What?" Clementine asks seriously, completely at a loss as to why Sarah is laughing.
"Nothing, you just—" she grins widely, "those don't suit you at all. Also, I really can't see anything right now."
"Yeah, I like you better with them on anyway," mumbles Clementine with a hint of disappointment as she approaches once more, removing them.
Now able to see clearly again, Sarah adjusts her glasses on her face when Clementine fails to put them on for her properly, who trades them for the hat Sarah is still wearing.
"Oh my God, why do I feel so terrible right now?" groans Clementine with exaggeration, suddenly aware of the sickly feeling in her stomach. She places a hand on her abdomen, resisting the urge to collapse on the floor. "I just f-feel really dizzy, like I don't—don't think this is supposed to feel this way."
"You're drunk," Sarah states bluntly with a smirk, no longer fazed at how fast the girl is able to change the subject.
"Pfft…" Clementine scoffs, as if the statement is absolutely ridiculous. "You're drunk." She accuses, quite pointlessly. She slowly turns on her heel, still peering over her shoulder with a heavy head as she makes her way back to the dining table.
"You had like—more than half of that bottle, I'm pretty sure," states Sarah, but Clementine has already retrieved it again, drinking straight from it without breaking eye contact with her, as if trying to prove her previous point.
Meeting her at the table, Sarah attempts to push the bottle down as Clementine continues to resist. "Stop, seriously," she sputters through her uncontrollable laughter, grinning from ear to ear.
In the middle of swallowing, Clementine incoherently mumbles something of protest before looking to Sarah reassuringly. "I'm fine," she insists after wincing from the strong taste, her speech slurred.
"Are you sure? You know you can hardly walk right now, right?" points out Sarah.
"What are you talking about? Look, look… I swea—I can walk in a straight line right now," Clementine extends a hand out in front of her. "Hold on," then she sweeps the hair away from her face in preparation, turning around again.
Sarah remains unresponsive as she watches Clementine repeatedly place a foot in front of the other, walking away from her. Looking down at her own shoes, her arms are held out by her sides to help her balance, even though she's still swaying uncontrollably.
"See?" Whipping around, she makes her way back towards Sarah. "Straight line." Reaching her, Clementine stumbles on her own feet when she lifts her gaze once more, and neither of them are sure who reached for the other first.
Only laughing because Clementine is constantly giggling to herself, Sarah is reminded of how rare it is to hear that sound, also fully aware of how the younger girl doesn't seem to notice the way she's partially leaning on her now.
But when Clementine looks up again, everything dies on her lips when she catches sight of Sarah's somber eyes, and it takes her a moment to notice that she'd stopped laughing too. Her sight is now fixed between them, Sarah's head hanging low as if she's insecure all of a sudden, like her mind is lost somewhere else.
"Hey…" consoles Clementine, her eyes suddenly brimming with concern. Her fingers gently trail down Sarah's arms, absentmindedly reaching her hands, and gripping onto her fingertips out of fear that they'll somehow drift away. "What's wrong?" she murmurs, her voice barely audible as the two remain inches apart.
Her lips slightly parted, the words Sarah can't bring herself to say become trapped in her throat. She's lost in Clementine's eyes as she gazes at her with deep worry. She takes a breath, a wave of emotions washing over her, but Sarah only shakes her head with a pained expression when she simply can't find herself speaking.
"Tell me what's wrong," Clementine whispers once more, her voice softening further with every word. She steps closer, reducing the distance between them until there's nearly no where left to go.
Exhaling audibly, Sarah pulls away in an instant. "I can't do this," Their fingers tear apart, and Clementine's eyes follow her as she strides to plop herself on the couch a few steps away. "I'm sorry," Sarah buries her face in her hands, her elbows digging into her knees as her tears begin to fall. "I know you did this for me and… I- I know I'm a mess…"
"No, no… you don't have to apologize," Clementine interjects with a delicate tone, instantly moving to sit beside her. It takes all her energy to compose herself, but she quickly forgets about everything she'd just been feeling, and instead focuses on the girl seated next to her.
Sarah's hands then lower from her face, only staring at the ground ahead. She sniffles, briefly wiping her nose with her sleeve in an attempt to compose herself. "She was gonna kill you," she says after a while, her voice calmer. "Right?"
Clementine swallows nervously at that. They had been having such a good time, she'd completely forgotten about everything else that happened. For a moment, she hesitates with an answer, before figuring there's no way to sugar coat it. There would be no use in that. Still, it breaks her heart that Sarah is so devastated, and it pains her to have to exchange these words.
"Yes," she responds firmly, "Yes, she was going to kill me."
Sarah still averts her gaze, but subtly nods her head, as if forcing herself to accept Clementine's answer. Deep down, she knows it's true, but the darker parts of her troubled mind prevent her from believing it.
"We were supposed to meet each other," Sarah continues to recall, thinking back to their plans that day, and how wrong it had all become so quickly. "I saw her. And then I saw you…" her expression breaks all over again, traumatized from the images in her head alone. "I was so scared, Clem."
"I know…" murmurs Clementine, wishing she could put an end to the tears. Her fingers stroke Sarah's hair without even realizing it – obliviously touching her braids, then tucking away the bangs that fall in front of her eyes. "I know you were," she says, her hand stopping to rest on Sarah's shoulder. "You did the right thing."
"How can you say that?" puzzles Sarah, amazed at how killing anyone could ever be considered right.
"You didn't have a choice," explains Clementine, struggling to find the words. She knows it's a ridiculous thing to say, but Sarah saved her life. "With these things, there's just… sometimes there isn't anything else you can do. And you can't blame yourself for that." People like that scavenger – bad people – at times, they just can't be saved.
Sarah takes a trembling breath, momentarily shutting her eyes. "I know. I just… I don't understand why anyone would want to do that," she grimaces. "It feels awful."
In a world such as their own, where all that matters anymore is survival, far too many would jump at the chance of killing their own just because it makes them feel that they have power, when there isn't any more left of it. There are no rules anymore, just selfish people that will do anything to keep themselves alive.
"Try not to think about it, okay?" Clementine brushes Sarah's braids once more, her fingertips barely moving yet sending a shiver crawling up the other girl's spine. Just from sitting down, a huge part of her just wants to lean into Sarah from how heavy she feels right now, yet light at the same time. She's talking normally, but she can hardly see anything in front of her anymore.
As Sarah stares hard at the ground, deep in thought, the room goes silent once more. "This can't be it… can it?"
"What do you mean?" asks Clementine.
"Killing," she says. "It's like all anyone wants to do anymore is hurt each other." Finally, she looks up again. Their gazes meet, and Sarah is nearly breathless as she musters the horrid thought alone. "I don't wanna become like everyone else."
"That won't happen, Sarah, I promise," Clementine quickly reassures, shifting to sit even closer to the girl as if out of desperation, fixed on never allowing her to think such a thing about herself. "There's still good people in the world. And you… you are definitely one of them. Don't think this makes you a bad person because of what happened."
Clementine would be lying if she said she's never had the same thoughts about herself. But for some reason, hearing it come from Sarah matters so much more to her.
"How do you do this?" Sarah sniffles once more. "You're just always so brave. Like nothing can hurt you."
For a while, Clementine finds herself speechless. She's never thought of herself that way. In fact, she never thinks about herself at all. Even after all this time, hearing Sarah say such a thing still catches her off guard. What does it even mean, to be 'brave'?
It should anger her – hearing Sarah say that. She's been hurt. More than anyone would ever wish to admit. She's been hurt so much, she forgets what it's like to feel normal inside. Yet somehow, she makes the people around her think otherwise.
But it doesn't anger her. And Clementine is not sure whether it's because a part of her actually believes Sarah, or because she just simply doesn't have the energy to be upset anymore.
"I'm not always brave," she states, feeling her own head begin to sway once more. "I get scared… all the time."
"Really?"
"Yeah," exhales Clementine. She parts her lips to speak again, but momentarily, the words are caught in her throat, and she stares aimlessly at the floor while a wave of dread washes over her. Her fingertips begin to fidget as they're held in her lap, her entire figure shrinking with insecurity. "I didn't know if I would ever see you again…" croaks Clementine with worried eyes, her quiet voice unintentionally cracking.
Anything can happen in the blink of an eye, at any time, and that's all it takes to lose everything that matters. Even the thought alone hurts her, and Clementine loses herself in the memories of it all, and how close they had come to everything going infinitely wrong.
But when she looks back to Sarah, the girl's eyes are now painfully shut, and she's crying all over again without a sound escaping her lips.
Clementine is snapped out of her thoughts at the sight of her friend, and with her mind a haze, she can't figure out whether she had said something wrong.
"It's not fair," Sarah sputters through her sobs, removing her glasses to wipe her eyes. She can hardly stand the idea of Clementine having that fear too, and for some reason, that breaks her all the more. Shaking her head, she takes a deep breath, beyond frustrated with her own self. "I just can't stop thinking about it."
"Hey," Clementine shifts closer on the couch, her hand finding Sarah's shoulder again. Sarah turns to her, their faces mere inches apart. "It'll be okay…" Clementine hums as she leans forward, gently kissing Sarah's forehead.
Her weeps gradually fade on her lips. With the room quietening, the record player remains in their ears, a mellow song sounding faint and masked by static.
"Okay?" whispers Clementine when she briefly pulls away, and her voice is so soft that Sarah can hardly hear her anymore. Her other palm rests on the side of Sarah's face, encouraging her to look at her, and neither of them can even remember how it got there.
As Sarah's eyelids fall closed, Clementine lowers to place a second kiss on her cheek, just as another tear begins to fall. Her lashes flutter open again, Sarah's eyes puffy, and their gazes interlock for a few moments without mustering a word.
She isn't even sure what Clementine is saying to her anymore, the delicate words on the girl's lips sounding like nothing but a faded noise. She isn't sure whether she'd said anything back, or if either of them had said anything at all, but Clementine is holding her face so close, and the look she's giving her completely captivates Sarah until she can no longer breathe.
And when Clementine glances down to her mouth, every muscle in Sarah's body freezes up in an instant, and her heart is pounding so fast that it's all she can hear anymore.
Briefly, Clementine looks up again, as if checking for a reaction, like she's hesitating. And she leans even further, her lips barely parted.
A part of Sarah wants to pull away, but another is begging herself to move her own head that much closer, just so she doesn't have to bare the anticipation anymore.
Instead, Sarah does neither of those. She's stuck in place, entirely still, her eyes wide, her head feeling fuzzy, cruelly reminding her of the alcohol in her system, and she's holding her breath all at the same time.
The third kiss is on her lips.
Sarah doesn't even realize it's happening until Clementine momentarily pulls away, and the feeling she didn't know was there is suddenly gone. Sarah had recoiled slightly, shrinking back into the armrest of the couch, and Clementine had leaned forward on her own hands somehow, her chin still raised to reach the other girl's height. And afterwards, her sight is still fixed on Sarah's lips, as if she's unsure whether she wants to stay there.
It isn't until then that Sarah finally forces herself to stand up, practically slithering out from under Clementine as fast as her shaking muscles can manage.
Nervously, she pushes her glasses up on the bridge of her nose and tugs on the hem of her sweater when it doesn't even need to be adjusted. She sniffles, wiping her eyes for the last time as she swallows the dry lump in her throat. "Um… I—I should really get to bed, it's—it's getting late," she stammers, looking at everything in the room except for the girl in front of her.
Confused, Clementine only stares back at a frantic Sarah while remaining in the exact same position, as if she hasn't yet processed what just happened.
She feels terrible for leaving like this when Clementine looks as innocent and clueless as she does in this moment, just peering up at her from her spot on the couch, her eyes wide. But if Sarah were to stay, she thinks she might just cry from embarrassment.
"Thanks, for all this—really, but… I'll see you in the morning… 'kay?" Then Sarah turns on her heel without giving the girl a chance to respond. Quickly, she strides up the stairs without another word, and resists the urge to look behind her.
A/N: So this chapter took me a really long time to finish because I struggled a lot with it, and I think that's mostly because it's really difficult to write someone in character when they're drunk. Especially when they're usually, well… the opposite. Anyway, I'm still not 100% satisfied with this one, so please let me know what you think!
