Lie To Me
Thanks for reading this lovely little story guys! I Aced my second test and next weekend I'll have a lot more time for writing. Hopefully I'll get the ball rolling and write this weekend as well…
This chapter wasn't beta'd but I did look over it, so hopefully I didn't miss anything!
Special thanks to my awesome awe-inspiring reviewers! Qweb (lol, I was up late and decided to post early ^^ if that makes any sense at all! SUPER jealous of your location! I've never been to Hawaii/Honolulu but I hear that the scuba diving is amazing!), kimbee (No worries about the confusing review ^^ I've had far more interesting ones! Lol. I'm glad you're still liking this little tale!), Sandy-wmd (Tony/Clint's friendship is the bomb diggity ^^ It's my favorite! Glad you like!), discordchick (It's nice when people make progress, isn't it? Thanks for the review!), Zhalenn (lol, sorry to disappoint, I didn't really have this chapter finished to the point where I could have updated it twice, lol. And considering I'm only have way through chapter seven you would have been shorted this week ^^ Blame my two history classes that insisted on having their tests close together. ^^ Thanks for reviewing!), Guest (Vulnerable Clint is so adorable! I just want to keep him ^^), jaguarspot (Yay for learning old tricks ^^), sv4me (You must have the ability to read my mind. lol), renners (I've not watched Neo Ned yet! I'm excited that you like the story so far! I'm loving writing vulnerable Clint! It's addictive!)
Onto the chapter!
Chapter Six
"I was wondering when you would stop avoiding me." Clint commented to Natasha as she stood silently behind him in the living room. She'd entered the room as silently as ever. Her silence was actually kind of disturbing to Clint, but he was getting used to it.
"Clint?" She asked curiously, probably wondering how he figured out she was there without looking in her direction. Or maybe she was wondering if he'd regained his memories and the previous 'Clint Barton' could always tell where she was without checking.
"Reflection in the TV screen." Clint explained easily as he turned to face her. He'd been reading a book Dr. Banner, Bruce, had recommended earlier in the day when they had been cooking lunch together. It was an interesting story and it was also nice to get involved into fictional drama to give his mind a break from his own.
Natasha frowned ever so slightly and gave one small nod of acceptance – although Clint wasn't exactly sure what she was acknowledging acceptance of, but it didn't really matter.
"I haven't been avoiding you." She said simply as she settled down on the other end of the couch he was currently perched on. Clint moved so they were facing one another and set the book aside.
"Ah, so what would you call it?" Clint asked curiously. He'd finally accepted that the Avengers were his friends and he was safe with them. It had become a bit of a game trying to get to know them all again. He chatted with each of them so far about this and that, never about his past unless they slipped with information.
Clint still had no desire to be who he used to be. An assassin. A murderer. That wasn't who he wanted to be ever again. This whole experience was a do over and Clint hoped he wouldn't be sucked back into being the bloodthirsty person he'd been before. Clint didn't want to be the type of guy who had a weapons closet bigger than the closet for his clothes.
Natasha sent a flicker of a smile at him, "I've been keeping an eye on you." She told him simply. "And giving the others time to reconnect with you before we talked."
"Oh, so now it's your turn?" Clint asked with a raised eyebrow.
"You've started to opened yourself up." Natasha commented more than answered. "You're visibly more relaxed and you've begun to trust us again."
"Let's just say I have a way of knowing whether or not I can believe what people tell me." Clint smirked. He was fairly sure that Tony would have told her about his ability, although he rarely ever saw Natasha and Tony together or really talking at all. Still, it was out there now. Revealed.
Natasha paused for a moment, but nodded. Maybe she wasn't so informed, Clint thought to himself as he waited for her to continue.
"The point is, I've known you the longest," Natasha told him. It wasn't the first time she had given him notice of their history. "If you have any questions you need answers for, I'm here."
Clint looked at her and almost told her he didn't want to know anything, but he stopped. He was curious about their relationship. The dreams he had about her suggested they were more than friends, but she hadn't acted like a girlfriend since he came to live in the tower. Several big questions sprang to mind.
"I have been curious." Clint said finally, his shoulders tense for a moment before he forced himself to relax. It was a simple Q and A session. Nothing more. If she went to deep into their past he'd back out. "Are we married?"
Natasha blinked, clearly not expecting that as his first question. She recovered quickly. "No." She answered simply. No pain, she was telling the truth.
"Huh," Clint responded with a slow nod.
"Why exactly did you think we were?" Natasha's eyes narrowed suddenly and Clint leaned away with surprise.
"Um, just – things." He explained badly. "I mean, I've remembered some things. About us. We seemed – well, close. They told me I was married to you. No picture, of course, but they had your name and description. It fit. You fit."
"Yes, I'm curious how they managed to get my name." Natasha admitted, but Clint didn't have any answers for her so he shrugged his response. Natasha's eyes narrowed but she sighed and clarified. "Right, well we aren't together."
Clint's mind prickled, not quite pain. A half-truth, Clint dubbed that feeling. "Really?" He asked in a way that showed his disbelief.
He liked the way she rolled her eyes.
"What do you want me to say, Clint?" She asked in exasperation.
"You're trying to make me believe we were never a thing?" Clint smiled. "I'm not convinced."
Natasha's glare intensified, but Clint wasn't afraid anymore. He struck a nerve, but he knew somehow that she wouldn't hurt him. Well, not physically. He couldn't really be hurt about a relationship he didn't remember completely either.
"First of all, I didn't say we were never a thing, I said we aren't anymore." She clarified in defense.
"You were the one who called off, whatever it was we had?" Clint asked. His smile slipped a bit as he asked.
She hesitated, but nodded. "Yes."
When Natasha didn't elaborate Clint frowned. "Why?"
Clint watched her roll her eyes again before her perfect lips parted to answer. "You don't remember, so it's hard to explain. We're assassins. Love get's in the way of the job."
"Really?" Clint responded the same unconvinced way he had before.
"Clint." She snapped with a sharp look that made him pause before he smiled. "You don't know how many times I've been used against you, or vise versa. How many times you've nearly died or I've nearly died. Love is dangerous and foolish."
"So that's why." Clint's smile faded a bit as he nodded in his own little acceptance.
Her face screwed up in complete exasperation. "What is that supposed to mean?"
"You've known me the longest, can't you tell?" Clint asked bluntly. He was a bit surprised that she was having such a difficult time with this conversation. Clint was reading her expressions better than he ever expected to be able to without his memories.
Natasha sighed, this time with a sad tone that made Clint almost regret his question.
"I know you – the closed off version of you. This – you're different like this. You're not you, not really." She sighed again. "Don't get me wrong, there are pieces of you that are still there and so painfully you, but you aren't complete."
"I'm as complete as I'm going to be." Clint got defensive suddenly.
She blinked at his words in confusion. "You were remembering." She pointed out carefully.
"Yeah," Clint looked away from her. "I was." He sighed.
They were quiet for a moment before Natasha broke the silence. "Clint." She whispered with such compassion his eyes turned back to her to see if she was still glaring. She wasn't. Her eyes were soft with open worry. "I know it isn't easy to remember some things."
"Isn't easy?" Clint laughed out loud but the sound was cold and humorless. His eyes slid away from her again. "Understatement."
"Clint." Natasha said again, but was unable to coax him to look at her again.
"I don't want to be a killer." He told her with more harshness than he had intended. He looked at her again when she tried to say something. "I don't want to be that person again. I have a chance to be something different, something better." His eyes searched hers and he found understanding.
"Okay." Natasha answered in a quiet voice. "You don't have to be who you were, Clint. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. We aren't going to make you hurt anyone and we're going to do everything in our power to make sure no one hurts you ever again."
Clint frowned at that. "Hurt me? Why would – " Clint paused as realization came over him. His past. He'd killed people, but other people had been left behind. There were people from his past who were probably angry and wanted vengeance. People like Randle.
"Oh." Clint nodded sadly.
"You're vulnerable like this, Clint." She told him. "But we'll do what we can to protect you."
Clint looked at her and saw the truth in her determination.
"Okay." He told her since he had nothing else to say.
Later when Clint was alone with Steve he brought something up that had been bothering him since his conversation with Natasha.
"Natasha said I was vulnerable." He blurted as they walked down the street. It had become easier to go on walks with Steve as the noisy city became familiar.
Steve glanced at him and frowned ever so slightly. "In some ways, I guess you are more vulnerable now than before. Well, yeah, you are." Steve fumbled with his answer. "It's just, before you could defend yourself and you knew how to fight and now, well, you don't."
Clint frowned and nodded. "I guess that makes sense."
"Do you want to learn how to defend yourself?" Steve asked curiously.
"I don't want to kill people." Clint looked at his friend with open emotion.
Steve nodded. "You don't have to. Not if you don't want to. I can teach you how to fight without killing anyone, just so you can protect yourself. Self-defense."
"So I won't be vulnerable." Clint stated even though he hadn't decided on anything. He didn't like the idea of others getting hurt trying to protect him, but he also didn't like the idea of doing the hurting either. Recently Clint had wished his past died with whoever Clint Barton used to be.
"Look, Clint," Steve started as they arrived at the park they started to walk to whenever Clint felt brave enough to go outside. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to do, ever."
The lack of pain told Clint that Captain America truly believed his words.
"I know." Clint nodded. "It's just – I don't know what I want to do."
"It sounds like you don't want to kill people needlessly, right?" Steve asked gently as they sat at their usual bench.
Clint nodded slowly with agreement. "Yeah."
"You also don't want to see other people getting hurt, right?" Steve pressed.
Clint raised an eyebrow and nodded again. "Yeah, that sounds about right."
Steve grinned a bright boyish smile. "Sounds like you want to be a superhero."
"What?" Clint blinked in surprise.
"That's what we do, Clint. What you used to do. You watched our backs in the field and made sure that we weren't hurt by the enemy."
Clint stared back at Steve and slowly started to shake his head. "I don't want to hurt people, even if they are bad."
"You don't have to." Steve reassured him. "You're an archer. Tony and you have developed special trick arrows, a lot of them are non-lethal. We can show you how they work and when to use them."
Clint frowned deeply in deliberation. "So, I won't have to hurt anyone?"
It was Steve's turn to frown in consideration. "I can't promise you won't have to make hard choices, but you will be saving lives. Helping people."
Clint nodded, grateful for the other man's honesty. It didn't make the decision any easier though. They sat in silence with Steve's last sentence hanging in the air.
It wasn't an easy choice since there were so many unknown variables. Still, Clint knew he could always back out. Training would at least insure that he could defend himself and Steve had basically promised him the opportunity of redemption. If he were to change his mind he was sure the other Avengers would honor his wishes.
Here was his chance to make something better of his life, something that had the possibility of being good. What was more honorable than saving the world?
"I want to give it a try." Clint decided as they stood to head back to the tower.
Steve smiled and nodded. "Okay. The second you don't feel comfortable with it, just tell us. We'll do this at your own pace."
Slowly Clint nodded. "Okay." He nodded. He felt apprehensions, but he also felt a stir of excitement. "When can we start?"
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