Loki sat in Frigga's arms for a long time, clinging to her like he often had as a much younger child, trying to comprehend all that she had just told him. He did not cry—what he had learned was too much of a shock for that. Instead, he felt numb, and he kept going over the new information in an effort to make sense of it.
He was not Aesir, but Jotun.
Not only was he Jotun, but a prince of Jotunheim.
The Casket had not cursed him, then. It had only restored his true form.
Frigga and Odin were not his parents by birth.
Farbauti, his mother, had died from the grief of being separated from him.
Laufey, his father, had tried to throw him away.
He understood his nightmare now. It wasn't a nightmare, and never had been. It was his first memory, or what was left of it. But someone had answered his cries in the end. Someone had rescued him, given him a safe home, and raised him as a brother to his own son. He was alive because of Odin, just not in the way he had once thought.
"Is this why Father loves Thor better than me?" he asked, voice dull. He still felt oddly detached. "Because I'm not really his son?"
Frigga's warm hand cupped his cheek, gently coaxing him to meet her gaze. "Loki, you are his son, in every way that matters, and he loves you just as well as Thor."
"He spends more time with Thor," Loki mumbled. A sharp pain had started up in his throat. He didn't want to cry again.
"Does he?" said Frigga.
Loki grimaced. "I don't know. It feels like it."
"Hmm," said Frigga. "Has it occurred to you that it may not be a question of love?"
"What would it be a question of if not that?" said Loki, perplexed.
"Consider this: you and Odin are very much alike in temperament. You are both studious and strategic, you think carefully before you speak, and even though you feel deeply, you keep those emotions buried just as deeply, where those who love you struggle to see them." She tapped a finger over his heart, then gave him another kiss on the forehead. "I believe you are both naturally drawn to people who are more open, affectionate, and outgoing, such as myself and Thor. We, in turn, are more drawn to people like you."
Loki frowned. "So it is more difficult for Father and me to be close because we are similar?" he asked, feeling rather indignant.
"Two reserved people will always have a harder time getting to know each other than two open people or even one open person and one reserved person. Consequently, even if your father spends as much time with you as he does with Thor, it may not produce equal results. But that is no reason not to try. The more difficult something is, the greater the rewards will be for working at it."
They fell silent for a moment. Loki's thoughts and feelings were still awhirl, but eventually, something else solidified enough for him to address it. "Why did you wait until now to tell me?" he asked.
"We were afraid of the danger you would be in if anyone knew, and we did not want you to have to grow up with that shadow hanging over you. As you already realized, Laufey's authority relies on his people believing that he never fathered an undersized child. Odin worked powerful magic over Asgard so that the story of our second son would not be questioned by any. As long as Laufey believes you are Odin's blood, you will not be a particular target for him."
He shivered at the thought that Laufey would still want him dead if he found out he had survived. "That's not the only reason, is it?"
"No," said Frigga, brow furrowing and mouth twisting with sorrow. "The war is too fresh on our people's minds. Many of them would have difficulty accepting a Jotun prince as the heir presumptive to the throne of Asgard. But that is a failing on their part, not yours. No child should have to bear the burden of the previous generation's prejudice. You have done nothing to earn it, and it has nothing to do with who you are."
He frowned. "But who I am is Jotun."
"That is what you are, though only part of it, for it is possible to be many things. You are a healthy, handsome, growing Jotun boy, the beloved third child of Farbauti, and you are also the second prince of Asgard, son of Odin, son of Frigga, and brother of Thor. As to who you are—well, that is for you to decide."
"Then…" He hesitated, loath to voice what he had feared most since looking at his blue hands and realizing what the Casket had done to him. But she was looking at him with so much love and warmth that it came spilling out before he could stop it. "Then I don't have to be a monster?"
She looked as though the word had caused her pain. She found his hands and squeezed them. "Will you tell me what you felt like while you were in your Jotun form?"
He swallowed and looked away from her. "Everything was so bright. I could see in the dark, but even dim lights were uncomfortable to look at directly. And it was so hot." He thought hard, trying to recall any other differences. Oddly, there didn't seem to be any. When he transformed into animals, their instincts always tugged at his mind, sometimes making it difficult to focus on his original purpose for transforming, but nothing like that had happened while he was in Jotun form.
He glanced back up at his mother. She smiled at him, as if she could tell what he was thinking. "Does that sound monstrous to you?"
"...No," he admitted after a few seconds.
"You are not a monster, Loki, and I hope that you will never think of yourself as one, no matter what form you are in. That is why I told you of Jotunheim and Farbauti. I wanted you to understand that there is nothing wrong with coming from Jotunheim."
"Thor will not think so if he finds out," he said quietly. It was like a weight had settled on his chest. "When Father took us to the vault, Thor said he would hunt all the Jotnar down and slay them. He will hate me."
"If that were true, I would not have found him sleeping in your chambers while you were still in Jotun form," said Frigga. "You give your brother too little credit. He loves you, and he will have to learn that war is rarely so simple as heroes versus monsters."
Loki remembered what Thor had said to him before they fell asleep, and the weight on his chest lifted somewhat, but he was still afraid. It was one thing for Thor to swear to defend him when he believed he'd merely been cursed by the Casket and that he was his brother by blood. How would he react when he learned that his so-called brother was really a Frost Giant in disguise? "Do you have to tell him?" he asked.
"Yes," said Frigga.
"Why?"
"Because it is not fair to either of you for him to be kept out of the secret now. If he remains in the dark, it will be a rift between you, stopping you from trusting each other. But you may decide who tells him. I could do it, your father could, we could approach him together, or you could tell him yourself. I will give you the rest of the day to make your decision."
X
Loki didn't need the rest of the day, however. Without really planning to, he found himself walking into the Healing Room barely an hour after Frigga had left him in his chambers to wash and dress for the day.
"Good morning, Prince Loki," said Eir, looking up from a parchment scroll to acknowledge him.
"Good morning, Lady Eir," said Loki. He stood as tall as he could and tried to give off that same commanding air Father always did. "I have come to see Prince Thor, and we are not to be disturbed."
Eir's mouth twitched. "Of course, my prince." She stood and showed him to the dormitory. "Not a soul shall pass this threshold while I draw breath," she vowed. He nodded and walked inside, and she closed and locked the door behind him.
Thor was sitting up in bed, and just as Mother had promised, he looked well on his way to a full recovery. His face lit up at the sight of Loki, which gave him a pang. Perhaps this would be the last time Loki got that reaction from him.
"Loki! You aren't blue anymore! Did you break the curse, then? Will you help me persuade Eir that I am well enough to leave?"
Loki hopped up onto the end of Thor's cot and sat cross-legged on top of the blankets. "You know no one can persuade Eir to release a patient earlier than she has decided to release them."
Thor let out a long groan. "But I'm well! Look!" He showed Loki his previously frostbitten hand. The skin there was a bit redder than usual, but it certainly wasn't burned black anymore, and all traces of infection were gone. "We were going to do sword training with the Einherjar today after lessons. I don't want to miss it."
Loki shrugged. He picked at the white blanket and avoided looking at Thor.
"So tell me about the curse," said Thor. "How did you break it?"
Loki swallowed. "It wasn't a curse."
"What do you mean?" said Thor in unconcerned disbelief.
"Mother found me. She helped me change back, and then she told me the truth."
"The truth about what?"
"Do you remember when I was born?" Loki looked up and saw Thor frowning.
"I...don't think so," he said. "But I was only twenty. No one remembers anything from their first few decades, do they? I just remember Mother telling me I was a big brother, and that meant always looking out for you and protecting you." He grinned at Loki, obviously feeling satisfied that he had lived up to that responsibility so far.
Loki felt a lump in his throat and tears prickling again. He would cast a glamour to hide them if he had to. "What would you do if you found out we weren't really brothers at all?" he asked.
Thor's face scrunched up in confusion. "What are you talking about, Loki? Of course we're brothers."
"We're not," said Loki, his voice barely above a whisper. He waved a hand so that the curtains would drop over all the windows, then shapeshifted back to his true form. The light that remained was suddenly almost painfully bright, and the air felt suffocatingly warm. "This is what I really look like, Thor. Touching the Casket only brought it to the surface."
Thor looked like he'd been clubbed over the head, but after a few seconds, his eyes narrowed in suspicion. "This is a trick," he said flatly.
"It is not!" said Loki.
"Is so!" said Thor, pointing at him. "If you were really from Jotunheim, you'd be twice as tall as me, but you're barely an inch taller, and you won't be for long."
"Father found me on Jotunheim at the end of the war and brought me here. Mother said Jotnar are sometimes born small, but Laufey hates small babies and he passed a law against keeping them. If their parents can't smuggle them to Alfheim or Vanaheim in secret, they end up left to die. That's why I've always had that nightmare of being somewhere cold, where no one comes when I call for help. Because Laufey did that to me. Farbauti tried to stop him, but she died. Laufey pretended I died with her, and then he left me in some temple, hoping the Aesir army would finish me off when they took Utgard."
Thor's suspicious look had given way to one of dawning horror. He knew about that nightmare better than anyone else, even Mother. One of the first things he'd done in the role of older brother was climb into Loki's bed in the nursery and snuggle close to him on the nights when he woke up crying and terrified. Thor had whispered that nothing would hurt Loki while he was there, and Loki had believed him, even though Thor had only been a slightly bigger toddler himself. It had not been easy to move out of the nursery into his own chamber, as much as he pretended otherwise.
"Does that mean…"
"That I'm Laufey's son?" Loki nodded, watching Thor closely. He wanted to see it, the second the brotherly love drained out of him and disappeared forever. Maybe this was why he'd come here to tell Thor in person, because some perverse part of him couldn't believe that Thor would accept him and didn't want Mother or Father to have a chance to scold him into pretending otherwise. But all Thor did was sit there with the blankets over his legs, staring at him. Perhaps he only needed more encouragement. "So you see? I'm not your brother at all. I'm just one of the monsters you swore to hunt down and slay."
X
As Thor's eyes traced over the strange lines etched into Loki's skin, his mind wandered. He had often imagined what it would be like when he was grown and facing Frost Giants on a battlefield (for surely he would), but suddenly he couldn't picture it without seeing Loki leading the opposing army. And maybe that's exactly what would've happened if Father hadn't found him. But no...if Father hadn't found Loki, he'd just be dead.
Abruptly, he pushed the blankets off him and clambered over them towards Loki, then plopped back down in front of him, sitting cross-legged too. He looked into Loki's red eyes. He'd always thought that Frost Giant eyes were something demonic and frightening (not that he was afraid, of course), but that had only been in pictures. In real life, set in a face he knew as well as he knew his own, those eyes didn't look so strange. The color was rather striking, really. It stood out from the icy blue so much that it almost seemed to glow.
Thor knew what he needed to do, and it would probably be best to do it now, before any grown-ups could try to stop him. "I'm sure you managed to keep at least one dagger hidden from Mother," he said in a low voice, glancing briefly at the door. "May I borrow it?"
Loki's eyes narrowed, darting back and forth between Thor's. Then he held out a blue hand and conjured into it a small dagger. Thor took it and tested the blade with his thumb. He grimaced. Perhaps Mother hadn't bothered taking this one because of how dull it was. But it would have to do. Gritting his teeth, he dragged the blade clumsily across his right palm, swallowing a grunt of pain.
"What in all the nine realms are you doing, Thor!?" said Loki.
Thor looked up at him, surprised at the bewildered expression on his face. "What do you think I'm doing?" The cut stung rather badly, and he winced. He probably wouldn't be able to hold a sword even if Eir did let him out, but he didn't care. "If we're not brothers by blood, then I'm going to change that right now."
Loki's mouth fell open, and then tears came spilling down his cheeks. "You idiot! Haven't you paid any attention in our lessons on biology? Do you have any idea how many nerves and tendons and muscle fibers you might have just sliced through?"
"Oh, now you care about that?" Thor scoffed. "What about two weeks ago?"
"I only stabbed you where it wouldn't do any real damage!"
Thor grinned, turned the dagger around, and offered it to Loki. Still blubbing, his cheeks turning more of a bluish-purple now, Loki copied Thor, slicing a neat cut across his right palm, hissing through his teeth as he did. At the sight of the navy blue blood that welled up from the wound, Loki let out a dismayed gasp and looked up at Thor. Well, if Loki thought the difference in the color of their blood would be enough to deter Thor from his plan, he was wrong, because Thor clasped Loki's hand at once.
He'd been fully prepared to take another burn when his skin made contact with Loki's, and he'd been especially worried that his blood might just freeze solid, but neither happened. Loki wasn't even as cold as the snow they'd played in on their visit to Alfheim five years ago. It was actually quite soothing against Thor's cut. He was sure he could feel some of that cold moving into his veins, which was just what he had wanted.
"There," he said. He reached up with his uninjured hand to clasp the back of Loki's neck. "Now I am a little bit Jotun and you are a little bit Aesir. You cannot say we aren't brothers after this. I will fight anyone who says we are not, even if that means I have to fight all of Asgard and Jotunheim and the Norns themselves."
With a sound somewhere between a whimper and a laugh, Loki threw his arms around Thor. "You might be a stupid oaf most of the time, Thor," he sniffled, "but you are the very best of brothers."
Thor beamed and hugged him back with all his might, ignoring the gooseflesh breaking out wherever Loki's cold skin made contact with his.
Pretty much the minute I posted the previous chapter, I was hit by the mental image of little Thor, chin jutting out defiantly, slicing his hand open to become Loki's blood brother. Even though part of me balks at how horrifically unsanitary and dangerous it is to slice your hand and mash it against someone else's bleeding wound, it's still just about the cutest way a biological child can claim an adoptive child as his sibling. The reason I didn't crank out this whole chapter immediately, though, is that it took a while to figure out exactly what Frigga would say to Loki, and what questions he would ask.
The obvious chapter title would have been "Blood Brothers," but I didn't want to give away what Thor was going to do before it happened.
I've done just about everything I wanted to with this fic already, but I'm not sure I can call it complete if Loki hasn't had any scenes with Odin, so there might be a final chapter or epilogue thing to take care of that and maybe summarize the family vacation to Vanaheim.
