Chapter 4:

Sirius's POV

Just as I'm sitting down for lunch, I feel someone tag on my sleeve. I look up curiously and whisper an 'Oh oh' under my breath. Bellatrix smirks down at me. Her black eyes fix me as she lowers to speak quietly to me "We need to talk lil' cousin…"

I mutter a 'Be right back' to James and the others and get clumsily up to follow her through the gates and into the courtyard.

"Why have you brought me all the way here? Some top-secret information for me, Trixy dear?" I say tantalizing, knowing fully well just how much trouble I am in back home.

She gives me a hurtful poke with her wand. "Any moment now the Howler from aunt Walburga will arrive. You have disgraced us all!" she snaps.

I roll my eyes trying to seem calm, but I'm suddenly all panicky as she mentions the Howler. I've just made a nice reputation here; I don't want to ruin it. And I'm really not looking forward to Mom's shrieks.

"It's not my fault the Sorting Hat put me in Gryffindor!" I mutter, "I don't get why you've all got so worked up!"

She throws me a look that could kill, "It would have placed you in Slytherin had you asked…But you didn't want to, did you, you little traitor!" she spits in my face and half the people outside turn to face us awkwardly at us.

I glare angrily at her. I didn't think it was possible to hate a member of your family this much. "Oh, go pet your snakies with the other Dark Wizards who've been in your noble House!" I snap back. "I wouldn't choose to be in Slytherin even if you paid me! There, I said it! Sod off!" I push past her, but then feel a spell making me slip. Blood is oozing out of my nose, but I get up, rather painfully and turn around to face her in the eye. She's panting heavily. "You'll be sorry for this, lil' cousin!" she growls and stomps away.

I glare furiously at her until she disappears out of my sight then walk away towards the Great Hall with as much dignity as I can manage although I can already feel tears stinging the back of my eyelids. But I blink them away as I sit down again next to James and help myself to some roast beef.

He looks as if he wants to ask me something, but takes a look at me and seems to decide against it, just as I've decided against inquiring Remus. Some things should be left unsaid at least now that we hardly know each other.

Snape's POV

I'm 90% sure she's not coming, but I decide I must wait for her at least five minutes.

"I'm only here because your 'advice' got me full marks," I hear a known voice behind me that almost makes me jump out of my skin. I smile at her, but her face is impassive. I feel horrible for what I said and I'm not sure if there's anything I can do to mend it. I have to at least try. I just can't lose her.

"Lily, I am so sorry! I never meant to hurt you! I've realized that your friendship means a lot to me and I can't afford to lose it, no matter what them Slytherins say, "I begin mumbling away.

She raises an eyebrow and I feel amazing that I've managed to half-convince her, but then she regains her upset position. "Now Slughorn thinks I'm a natural in potion-making and I'm not allowed to screw up next time! Thanks a lot, Sev!"

Is this why she's still pissed off? I struggle not to laugh. "Don't worry, Lily! I can continue helping you…Just please give me another chance!" I plead.

I don't know if that's the thing that pushes her to take the decision she does or she just want to continue being my best friend. A nod from her is everything I'd needed to make my day.

Sirius's POV

After wiping my mouth, I grab my bag preparing to leave for class. Suddenly, a huge brown owl swoops down on the table, knocking over plates. I whisper an 'Oh no' under my breath.

For a few seconds, I stare dumbfolded at the bright red envelope. My heart is hammering away quickly. Oh, no, this is not good. Not good at all! I make for it quickly, ignoring the others' surprised looks. Just as I begin to rip it in a last attempt to avoid my mother's wrath, it bursts into flames.

"YOU LITTLE FILTHY TRATOR! AREN'T YOU EVEN ONE BIT ASHAMED OF STAINING OUR CENTURY-OLD TRADITION? JUST YOU WAIT UNTIL I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, GOOD-FOR-NOTHING SON!"

The letter then disappears in a puff of smoke and an eerie silence takes over the Gryffindor table. I feel everyone's curious gazes on me. They're probably wondering what I've done to deserve a mother's hate. I avoid everyone's eyes, and make my way as swiftly as I can towards the door. I try to ignore the pearls of laughter coming from the Slytherin table from which I clearly recognize Bellatrix's hysterical one.

Once we're safely out the Great Hall, James and Remus start questioning me if that was about the house I've been Sorted in. It's not like I'm ever going to admit how much that Howler has hurt. I've always known I've been different, but seeing how much distance there is between me and my family makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry.

"Just let me be, guys, all right!" I snap. Remus raises an eyebrow as if to say I'm being stupid. That makes me inexplicably angry. "I didn't bomb you with questions after what McGonagall said. 'I wouldn't have expected this of you, Mr. Lupin!'" I continue mockingly. "What was that about anyway?" I decide it's time to ask since he's been so nosy.

Remus's face loses all its color as he gulps. "That, buddy, is none of your business!" he grumbles and without further notice stalks away.

I tut under my breath. "Hiding something, the little prat…"

"What's got into you guys?" James asks furiously. "We were supposed to be friends! Why can't we trust each other?"

"It's been two days, James! You're too trusting…" I too stalk away, feeling horrible about the way I've treated the first person who's ever called me a friend.

Remus's POV

I lay on my back in bed. Coming here has been a mistake. I've screwed everything up and it's only been two days. How will I survive the term? Or the next seven years? I've allied myself with some troublemakers who've made me betray Dumbledore's and McGonagall's trust and who probably think I must be hiding something by now. I know I should probably just stop hanging out with them but even without trying, I know that I can't. The only time I feel I belong somewhere is when I'm with them.

The door creaks open and I hear someone come in. "Everything ok, Remus?" Peter asks timidly. I smile unconsciously. "Did James put you to say that?" I wonder amused.

Looking up, I see he has a hurt expression on his face. "Why'd you think I don't care enough to come and check on you?"

For a moment I feel bad for him. Poor Peter's just trying to fit in and be nice. I mumble a pathetic 'sorry'. He grins, "It was Sirius actually…He feels bad."

I roll my eyes and flop down on the bed again. I really don't know how to respond to this. But then my brilliant mind figures it out and I grin, "Bet James told you to say that because he doesn't want us to fight…"

I hear Peter trying hard to come up with an excuse and avoid giggling at the same time. Needless to say, he fails. Horribly.

"Well, I really appreciate it, but I just want to be alone for a while…" I mumble into my pillow, not bothering to even look him in the face. I know what I'll see…disappointment. I don't think I can stand that and especially not from Peter.

Someone else bursts in and throws himself onto Sirius's bed. Oh, that's just great.

"How about this; you don't ask questions so neither do I…Deal?" I hear his voice.

I realize I could go along with this, but that won't stop the others from figuring the truth out. And although I've only known them for a short time, I'm convinced they're smart enough to figure it out…I feel horrible about deciding to lie to them, but I have no other choice…

"I'm here on Dumbledore's pity and goodwill…"I begin in a quiet voice, "My parents couldn't afford to send me to Hogwarts. Dad got into a bit of trouble with a werewolf and it kind of fucked up our life…a lot." I try to comfort myself with the fact that half of it is true, although the more important half is covered up in cowardice. I'm suddenly ashamed that I'm in this House.

After an awkward silence, Sirius whispers, "I'm sorry…You didn't have to…"

"Yeah, I did! Needed to show you what I was hiding didn't I" I interrupt, "That's why McGonagall said she didn't expect me to cause trouble. I should just be thankful that I'm here. "

"I didn't know…" he begins, but I cut him off again.

"Of course you didn't. And it's okay, supposing you still want me to be part of your 'gang'…" I can't believe what I've just said! The whole point was to avoid them…avoid trouble and rule-breaking. I've just told a big fat lie for nothing. I guess I've really come to care for these idiots…

Sirius too is taken by surprise by what I've just said. "But…I thought you knew we're bad influence…" he stammers and Peter giggles in the doorway, probably to notify us that he's still there.

I grin widely. "Yeah, I do…" In that moment I realize that I can't have any other friends, no matter how big prats these guys are.

James' POV

I know I should probably go see how Sirius and Remus are getting along with the make-up. I really hate them to be squabbling at each other. Although to be fair, I am pretty curious about whatever Remus seems to be holding back from us.

But Evans is right there finishing her Potions essay and I really hate owing her for earlier today. Before I realize what I'm doing I've sat down next to her.

She looks up, with a snag expression on her face. "Yes, Potter?"

"Um…" I begin, unconsciously ruffling my hair. In fact, I don't even know what I'm doing here…

"Look, dumbass!" she starts, pointing her quill in my direction, "I don't know what you were doing skipping Potions and I won't ask, but don't expect me to cover for you!" she turns her back on me and starts squibbling away again.

I let out a short laugh, without meaning to and earn a nasty look, "First of all, we weren't going anything. Second of all, I meant to ask you for your notes in Potions" I manage a grin. "Since we're now friends and everything…"

She lets out a long sigh and pushes a bunch of parchment into my hands, "Happy? Can I do my homework in peace now?"

"Yeah, thanks!" I get up, then realize this is the moment, "And thank you for that favor you did us this morning!"

It's her turn to laugh, "So that's why you really came over, right?" I shrug, my guilty expression certainly showing. "As a matter of fact, I do need the notes…" I mumble, not daring to meet her eyes.

She smirks and picks up her ink, "You still owe me, Potter!" She flounces past me to the girls' dormitories, giving me a patronizing pat on the pack. I try to comfort myself with the idea that I got hold of the notes for free but as soon as that idea passes my mind, I hear her yell from the staircase "Also, that's two, now that I've given you the notes!"

I turn around exasperated, "I thought you did this as a favour…for a friend…" I hate how she's teasing me.

"Exactly…And when I want something, you'll help me as a friend!"

I walk up to the dormitory before she can make any more fun of me. I don't know what I've been expecting to see as I came back into the bedroom, but it most certainly wasn't everyone playing Exploding Snap as if nothing had happened.

"Hey, look who's here!" Sirius says without looking up. "Where were you when Remus and I had a very emotional talk? Lemme guess…Lily Evans?" he's holding back a laugh, but Peter isn't even bothering.

I throw the parchment onto my bed and sit down next to them. "I hate owing her…" I mumble, grabbing a Chocolate Frog and stuffing it greedily in my mouth to ease the humiliation. I also try to ignore the looks the others are giving each other.