12. If there is a place for me
Sarah sits with her back against the wall, her head resting against the hard surface and gradually lolling to the side.
Far too much time has passed with her having nothing to do in such a small space, but she wouldn't leave this room if that meant abandoning Clementine's side for a second. Instead, she finds herself wanting to just go to sleep.
Their journey from the house to here has left her absolutely exhausted, and crying for so long has also left her with an agonizing headache. She still feels like her face is flushed from it, her eyes stinging from all the tears. So, when she closes them for just a moment, she feels as if her entire body is going numb.
She doesn't know how long she sits there in that position, but just as Sarah begins to feel herself drifting away into unconsciousness, she hears Clementine moan from the ground next to her.
She almost doesn't notice it. But for a brief moment, Sarah snaps her eyes open and freezes, then realization suddenly hits her and she's scrambling to the girl's side in a heartbeat.
"Clem?" she leans over her, and Clementine sounds as if she's struggling to breathe. "Clem! Oh my God. Oh, thank God you're awake!" Sarah practically leaps onto her, gripping her shoulders and pulling her up to a sitting position so that she can hug her. "I was so worried! I—"
Clementine flinches from her touch, yelping in pain. "Ah! Okay, that—that really hurts," she hisses through her teeth, gently pushing Sarah off her and lying back down.
"Oh! Sorry!" Sarah recoils, yanking away her arms and sitting back on her knees. "I'm sorry, I—I didn't mean to, I just—" Her eyes begin to water, feeling overwhelmed just from finally hearing her voice again. "I was so scared, I didn't know when you would wake up or—or what to do…"
Clementine squeezes her eyes shut, looking as if she's trying and failing to comfortably shift as she lays on the hard ground, but the action only causes more pain instead.
Realizing the younger girl probably isn't even listening to her rambling right now, Sarah's eyes are suddenly overflowing with concern. "Are you okay? Do you—do you need anything? I…" she frantically reaches for the nearly empty water bottle next to her. "I found this in your bag. There's only a little bit left, but I—I saved it for you, see?" She unscrews the cap. "Maybe it'll help with the… with the pain." Her voice wavers, the familiar guilt from before suddenly rushing back to her. "Here," Sarah doesn't even let her answer before she's placing her hand behind the girl's head and helping her drink with the other.
With her mouth dry, it hurts for Clementine to swallow, but the water leaves a somewhat refreshing sensation trailing down her throat afterwards.
"Do you feel any better? I mean… than before?" asks Sarah.
Clementine clears her throat. "Yeah, I just…" she coughs, her voice sounding hoarse. It pains her to breathe. "God, it really fucking hurts." Her leg feels like it's burning, as if a thousand knives have been impaled into it. It's all she can feel. Yet at the same time, it's like everything from the waist down is so numb that she can hardly move a muscle.
"I know, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Clem," Sarah shakes her head continuously. "Oh, this is all my fault… this is all my fault…" The tears fall from her eyes faster than she realizes, and everything she had been feeling finally pours out of her heart all at once. "If—If I had just kept going like you told me to. If I had just listened to you, then you wouldn't have had to push me and none of this would have happened and then you wouldn't be—"
"Sarah?" Clementine interrupts her, her weak voice hardly audible.
Sarah sniffles, her cheeks wet with tears. She stops, finally locking eyes with the girl laying in front of her. "Yeah?" As Sarah waits in anticipation for what she is going to say, she doesn't even realize that Clementine had grabbed her hand.
"Please don't cry," she whispers.
For a while, Sarah only stares back at her with a pained expression. And as much as she wishes she could do just that, she finds that the broken sound of Clementine's words makes her want to cry even more. She tries to hold it in, but the next thing she knows, she's sobbing so hard that the sound doesn't even escape her lips, and she's clutching onto the other girl's hand with everything she has.
Her face contorting, Clementine feels her nose tingling and a lump forming in her throat just from the sight before her. Her chest tightens, and the tears well up in her eyes too.
"You said it would be okay," the older girl chokes out, remembering what she had been told just before it had all gone wrong.
Clementine intertwines her fingers around Sarah's own. "I know…" she murmurs, her voice just above a whisper.
There's so much they want to say to each other, but neither of them know where to start. And so, all they do is remain there in silence, as they find themselves too tearful and overwhelmed to say anything for a while.
Finally, Sarah wipes her cheeks with the back of her hand, somewhat composing herself. She looks over to Clementine's injury, her brows pressed together with worry. She can still see where the bone is sticking out, even wrapped underneath Sarah's blood-soaked shirt.
Noticing where her eyes are, Clementine is suddenly reminded of the pain continuously throbbing throughout her entire leg. She tries to ignore it. "How long has it been?" Swallowing nervously, a part of her is fearful of the answer.
Sarah checks her watch. "Three hours and forty minutes," she states with hardly any thought. "I… I've been keeping track. You know, just in case you didn't wake up. Then I would know something was wrong."
Clementine's hands come up to rub her face, wiping the tears away. "God…" she groans upon learning how long she'd been out, not wanting to imagine how agonizing that must have been for Sarah, too.
"I locked us in here, though. The walkers left, so you don't have to worry. And if they do come back, they can't get to us," reassures Sarah with pride. "We're safe in here."
Clementine smirks weakly. "You did a good job."
Sarah grins softly at that, feeling a rare sense of content. "I really missed you," she finds herself saying, the words escaping her lips without her ever thinking about it. Despite everything that's happened, she's never felt as happy to be with Clementine as she does now. And even though it's only been a few hours, it'd felt like a lifetime in her eyes.
Suddenly, Clementine winces, biting her lip in an attempt to muffle the groan that escapes her lips. She shuts her eyes, looking as if she's desperately trying not to reveal how much pain she's in.
Sarah's eyes widen, feeling terrible that her friend is in such a state right now. "I wrapped up your leg for you," she informs in an uplifting voice, as if that will somehow make the other girl feel better.
"Did you, uh… did you push it back in?" Clementine grimaces. Purposely, she hasn't looked down yet, but considering how excruciating her leg feels right now, she thinks she may already know the answer. Still, she hopes she may hear something different.
"N-no. I didn't know if I was supposed to, and I didn't want to make it worse." The idea had crossed Sara's mind, but she'd felt sick upon thinking about it for more than a few seconds.
A nauseating feeling begins to nestle in Clementine's stomach after that, her heartrate increasing.
"Are—are you okay?" Sarah notices the other girl taking deep breaths now, who only hisses in pain with every exhale.
"I just… I feel really sick right now," she breathes, squirming on the spot as she lays in discomfort.
"W-why? Is it the pain? Is it getting worse?" questions Sarah worriedly.
"Sarah…" begins Clementine, the tone in her voice frightening the other girl. "You're gonna have to push it back in."
"What?" Sarah gasps, her heart nearly jumping out of her throat.
"You have to," insists the younger girl, expecting such a reaction. "Otherwise it's gonna get worse and it's never gonna heal." Terrified with what's about to happen, she forces herself to remain calm.
"No, I—I can't. I can't do that. Please don't ask me to," begs Sarah, shaking her head continuously.
"I'm not asking you, I'm telling you," she says.
Insecurely, Sarah looks to her leg again, biting her lip in contemplation. "I don't know if I can…" Her gaze avoids Clementine's own. "I don't wanna hurt you."
Hearing Sarah's considerate words makes her want to smile. Clementine clears her throat once more, her breath hitching as she speaks, "I trust you… okay? I know you're scared… but… I know you can do this."
Sarah meets her eyes again, the uncomfortable look on her face practically begging Clementine to not make her do this. Looking back down to her leg, she takes a deep breath.
She knows Clementine is right. Obviously, the younger girl is in no state to do anything for herself, and that leaves everything entirely up to Sarah. And if she doesn't do anything about it, Clementine is never going to get better. That is the last thing Sarah wants to happen.
With as much tenderness in her touch as possible, Sarah moves to unwrap the makeshift bandage around the girl's calf. She hears Clementine moan in discomfort from the gesture.
Most of the blood has dried up, but there's so much of it that when Sarah pulls the flannel away, a lot of the dark and thick substance ends up sticking to the fabric and the wet sound is absolutely nauseating. The bone is entirely visible, coated in dry blood, and Sarah feels sick all over again just from seeing how it had snapped entirely in half. It's surrounded by a large gash that exposes her flesh, and the skin around it is swollen and red.
Grimacing and forcing herself not to look away no matter how much she wants to, Sarah shifts on her knees to get a better angle. "Okay," she finally agrees, sighing to herself. "You're right, I can… I can do this."
With her heart pounding against her chest, Clementine shuts her eyes and holds her breath, bracing herself.
"Are you ready?" asks Sarah, her hands hovering over the wound.
"Yeah," Clementine lies, exhaling.
"Wait," exclaims Sarah, and the other girl shoots her eyes open to see what it is she's reaching for. Digging her hand through Clementine's backpack on the ground next to her, Sarah pulls out her miniature flashlight. "Bite down on this."
Clementine eyes it for a moment, wondering whether it's necessary or not. But considering all the noise she's bound to be making soon, they don't want to risk attracting unwanted attention from the dead outside. Hating this even more, she snatches it from Sarah and clamps the object between her teeth.
Turning back away, Sarah stares down at the wound, swallowing the fear. After much hesitance, she presses her fingers against the bone and pushes.
Clementine squeezes her eyes shut. She yelps, the sound muffled by the flashlight in her mouth. Her entire body tenses up from the bolt of pain that shoots throughout her whole leg.
Wincing, Sarah forces herself to continue as a dreadful squelching sound fills her ears.
Clementine begins to scream.
Since the bone had been forced out, a portion of it had ended up on the outside the skin, and Sarah finds it extremely difficult to push it back underneath with little effort. After a while, blood starts to ooze out of the wound again, and it drips down Sarah's hands and in between her fingers. The warm feeling of it makes her cringe.
Clementine bites down as hard as she can, her own jaw hurting from the pressure. As Sarah continues to push, she wants to just beg her to stop. The pain is so excruciating that she can hardly keep still, and she brings her hands up to cover her face as if it will somehow lessen it.
Sarah feels like the worst person in the world, just knowing that she's deliberately hurting her and is solely the cause of the noises she's making. And when Clementine starts to cry, she wishes she could just jump off a bridge right then and there.
She's desperately trying to get this over with as fast as possible, but it's like the bone is only continuing to resist her, hardly moving through all the flesh and blood that's in the way. "I know, Clem, I'm—I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. It's almost there," Sarah shouts over her wailing, feeling the need to reassure the poor girl. "I know it hurts, Clem, just a little bit longer."
But the more she pushes, the more Clementine sobs. Sarah wishes she didn't have to listen to it, but she tries and tries with everything she has to concentrate on what she needs to do.
After what feels like a lifetime for the both of them, the bone is finally forced back into its proper place with one final push, and they both feel like they can breathe again when Sarah slowly moves her bloody hands away.
As she stares down at it, she sees there's now a large gash left where the bone had pierced through, and even though it's dripping with blood, it looks far better than it had. With her hands shaking, Sarah quickly wraps back up, Clementine still whimpering softly after taking the flashlight out of her mouth.
Sarah sits back on her knees, exhaling from the relief. They're both breathing heavily now. The room is suddenly so much quieter around them, and despite everything that just happened, Sarah finds an odd comfort in it. Then Sarah finally looks over to Clementine.
Tears are streaming down her face, sweat masking her forehead as her chest continuously rises and falls.
The older girl presses her lips together, her heart aching at the sight. Slowly, she leans forward to gently stroke her cheek. Her blood-soaked hand leaves a red smear on the side of the girl's face. "Hey…" she whispers, smiling softly down at her.
Clementine closes her eyes underneath her gentle touch, overwhelmed with pain and at a loss for words. She whimpers again, the last of her tears falling from her eyes. Sarah notices she looks absolutely exhausted.
"You're okay," murmurs Sarah in a comforting tone, the sound hardly escaping her lips. Without further words, she shifts to lie on her side next to the other girl, and clutches Clementine's hand to her chest.
