I changed so much stuff in this chapter its not even funny. I'll let you figure it out for yourself.
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Chapter 4- The Grand Tour
It occurred to Ranma as he was walking out of the office that he wouldn't be able to access the elevator without a keycard like the one Link had. Wondering for a moment if he should go back, Ranma's doubts were put to rest as he saw that the elevator doors were already open.
Remembering the Arena Master's words, Ranma punched the button for the first floor and waited. His mind was still spinning from the meeting though. Master Hand said that people came here for a good fight but he didn't look like a fighter himself. He wasn't even dressed for combat like everyone else here seemed to be.
Naturally, the first thing he had done when he had entered the office was do a ki scan of the Arena Master but he had found no trace of anything remotely resembling life energy.
"Maybe I'm being too paranoid," thought Ranma to himself, "He could just be really good at hiding his ki." But another part of his mind still told him that Master Hand might not be entirely…
"Ranma?"
The martial artist looked up startled. Distracted by his thoughts the elevator had already opened up, revealing his tour guide to him without him noticing.
It was yet another testament to his life in Nerima that Ranma didn't immediately attack the creature that was gazing at him. Standing half a head taller then him was the strangest turtle/dinosaur hybrid he had ever seen. He stood upright on his hind legs, his front claws built for attacking rather than walking. Spikes adorned his shell and his eyes burned red as if there was a fire behind them. To complete the look, two sharp horns graced the top of his head, making him look like a prefect monster.
"Um…yeah that's me," replied Ranma after a moments hesitation, "Are you my tour guide?"
"Yes," he replied extending a claw forward, "The name's Bowser, from the Mushroom kingdom."
Careful to avoid the sharp points Ranma took Bowser's appendage and shook it, "Names Ranma, from Nerima I guess."
"Oh, before I forget, this is for you," Bower brought forth his other claw and produced a shiny round disk shaped object with a small red button on it, "A little housewarming gift from Master Hand."
"What is it?"
"The double jump; specially produced for the Smash Bros. Arena."
"Double jump?"
"You remember in your fight with Samus how she seemed to stand on thin air for a second to get back onto the stage?"
"Yeah, every time I knocked her off the stage she always seemed to recover in mid air and do an extra jump, I couldn't even see how she was doing it."
"That's the double jump. When the arena first started Master Hand thought that the fights were too short, so he supplied this TM for everyone to use."
"TM?"
"Technical Machine. A device from Mewtwo's world."
Ranma didn't know who Mewtwo was but he shrugged and began following behind Bowser as he plodded through the hallways.
"The most important thing you have to remember about fighting in the Smash arena is that you need to knock your opponent out of the level your on. You can sit there and kick em around all day but you won't win unless you're the last one standing on the stage."
"Er…no offense but it seems like that would be impossible to throw you anywhere."
Bowser gave a deep chuckle, "Normally yes, but this type of fighting is anything but normal. When you take a hit, you still feel some of it, but the impact is significantly lessened. Instead, you accumulate damage."
"And…what does that do?"
"The more damage you have, the farther you fly," he said simply.
Ranma took some time to mull that over in his head, it was vastly different from his usual fighting style but it had similarities.
"Just like learning a new fighting style," said Ranma to himself as he eyed the TM Bowser had given him. Without a second thought, Ranma pressed the red button.
A flash of light radiated out from the TM and hit Ranma square in the head. Information flooded his mind as the new technique went through his brain, ingraining itself in his conscious so he couldn't forget it.
Next thing he knew, Bowser was steadying him, carefully trying not to slash him in the process, "Steady there Mr. Saotome," he said, "Learning a new technique like that's quite a rush."
Ranma steadied himself and nodded his thanks to Bowser, itching to try out the new move. His mind was already building possibilities.
A couple more minutes of walking brought them to a large double door, "This is the mess hall," said Bowser flashing his keycard in front of the reader, "There are always cooks on duty here so you can come and eat here pretty much any time you like." The doors opened up onto what Ranma could best describe as a culture shock.
While he had seen most of the people that were gathered in the room when he had finished his fight with Samus, he had been half unconscious then. Most of the people there were human; he saw Marth and Link sitting over at one table with Samus and some girl he had never seen before, but some tables held completely different species.
A gigantic yellow mouse like creature was sitting with two pink round things, talking in a completely alien language of squeaks, grunts, and some hand gestures. They didn't appear to be talking the same way but apparently they understood each other just fine.
Suddenly the talking at the table stopped as the yellow mouse spotted Ranma, "Pikia Pika!"
Ranma scratched his head, "Um…am I supposed to understand that?"
Bowser chuckled, "The only one who can understand them and translate is Mewtwo," explained Bowser, "But I think he's inviting you to sit down."
The Martial Artist shrugged and walked over to the table, "I could use something to eat." The spiked turtle took a seat next to him.
"Pika pikachu?" asked the mouse as he sat down. Although he couldn't understand a single word, it was easy to tell what he asked.
"Yeah I'm a fighter here now, my names Ranma." He provided his hand for Pikachu to shake, "What's your name?"
The yellow mouse pointed a paw at himself and said, "Pikachu!"
The pink round thing sitting next to him also gestured at herself and said, "Jigglypuff!"
"Pikachu and Jigglypuff are Pokemon," provided Bowser, "They came here with Mewtwo."
"Who's Mewtwo?" asked Ranma as he shook hands with Jigglypuff.
"Master Hand's right hand man, no pun intended."
"So…who are you?" he asked towards the second pink blob that was sitting on his other side across from Jigglypuff.
"That's Kirby," provided Bowser before Kirby could respond, "He hasn't quite mastered any recognizable dialect to say his name yet."
"How did Master Hand draw up contracts with all these people if none of them can speak?"
"Mewtwo, once again. He doesn't talk like normal people do, he talks with telepathy."
"Tele-wha?"
"Telepathy, or rather mind speak."
"Jiggly jigglypuff!"
It was by far one of the most bizarre conversations that Ranma had ever had. Half of the time it was obvious what the creatures were asking but other times the pokemon had to go as far as using charades to make the two understand.
A loud bump interrupted their conversation, announcing the arrival of the food as the kitchen doors banged opened. In walked several turtles, almost mini versions of Bowser except without the horns and the spikes, walking upright pushing three carts loaded with food.
"Relations of yours?" asked Ranma as he observed the humanoid turtles serving their food.
"Minions actually," said Bowser as he accepted a tray from one of them, "Thanks koopa."
Ranma accepted his tray from a turtle with a red shell and began eating at his usual pace. Although it wasn't Kasumi grade cooking the turtles knew how to make a meal. Ten seconds later Ranma set his tray down, noticing the looks his companions were giving him for the first time, "What?"
"Waaah!" said Kirby drawing Ranma's eyes to him as if to say, 'Watch this!'
The pink blob closed his eyes for a second and then opened his mouth impossibly wide. Then a sound like a vacuum cleaner turned on and the whole meal that was sitting before Kirby was sucked into his mouth, tray and everything.
Ranma blinked. Kirby burped. Ranma's had shot up to intercept the fork that went flying towards his face.
"Now that was impressive."
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"So where was everyone else?" asked Ranma as they exited the mess hall.
"Off fighting. During the day one on one league matches take place between the fighters. At the end of the year the person with the most wins gets the reward."
"And that is…?"
"Only the people who win know that."
Ranma shrugged, he'd just have to win to find out then, "So where are we headed to now?" he asked.
"The rec room, located one floor up."
Ranma hadn't noticed but they had complete circle, coming right back to the elevator that Ranma had ridden earlier that morning, "Um…no offense or anything but isn't there a weight limit on these things?"
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The recreation room was quite nice, sporting several different activities including a mini arcade, pool tables, a swimming pool and, what Bowser called, a holographic room.
"It's basically a sports room using the same dimensional technology Master Hand uses for the arenas. It can also be used as a training room against some specially made wire frames."
"Wire frames?"
"Dummy bots, built for the sole purpose of being pounded on. Want to try it out?"
Ranma shrugged and walked over to the door, "Sure, I haven't gotten my morning workout yet."
Bowser chuckled and walked over to the console by the door. Pressing a few buttons with his claw, the door opened.
"I'll have to adjust a few things once you get inside since this is your first time. Go ahead and step on in."
Ranma walked through the doorway and into an incredibly unspectacular square room with blue walls. Other than a small terminal on the far wall, there was nothing about it that seemed futuristic.
"Can you hear me?" said Bowser's voice from above.
"Yeah I can…so where are the enemies?"
"In good time, right now I need you to move to the wall with the terminal on it. You need to input some information"
Ranma did what he was told and walked over to the computer. Typing slowly, mostly because he was inexperienced, the martial artist gave the computer several small details about himself including his weight, size, and age. When he pressed enter, a wall next to the computer suddenly opened onto a pair of bracers, much like the ones he was wearing.
"Go ahead and put them on," said Bowser before he could ask a question. Taking off his old ones, Ranma replaced them with the light metal ones.
"So what are these for?"
"Smash fighting works a little differently from your normal brawls. Normally you'd be able to kick around an opponent until he collapses from damage but you can't do that here. If you want to beat your opponent you have to throw him off the stage, into the "Out of Arena" area. You can do this by knocking him off the side, throwing him downwards, or hitting him into...as people in Japan say…LEO."
Ranma nodded his head having heard the explanation already, "
"Take a look at the bracer on your left arm."
Ranma looked and saw a digital readout with three numbers and a percent sign next to it. It read three zeros.
"The bracer on your left shows the amount of damage you've taken from attacks and other things. The more damage you take the further you fly from an attack. Getting more damage will also slightly fatigue you just as if you were in an actual fight."
Ranma nodded in understanding, "So basically all I have to do is beat up my enemy and sent them flying after they have enough damage? Sounds easy enough."
Bowser chuckled, which came out as more of a deep slightly sinister laugh, "Oh it sounds easy alright, but I think you'll find this kind of combat just as intense as the regular brand of fighting. Now, one more thing before you begin, if you'll take a look at the bracer on your right arm,"
The martial artist looked and saw another mini screen, this one showing a tiny picture of his face, "This readout displays how many lives you have. Regular smash combat tends to go by rather quickly so you can usually get knocked out of the arena three times before you're finished for good.
"Alright I get it. Can I start now?" He asked a bit impatiently.
Outside Bowser smiled, he was just like a kid who had found a new toy, "Alright then, beginning simulation, stage Battlefield."
Ranma watched in fascination as the room around him began to disappear, morphing into an arena similar to the one he had fought Samus on, but with an additional three circular platforms rotating slowly around its perimeter.
"Begin program fifty man melee."
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Bowser watched fascinated as the martial artist proceeded to tear apart the spawning wire frames faster than they could appear. His speed rivaled Sheik's but unlike her he had the power to back it up and send people flying with ease.
He also noticed that Ranma was having incredible fun using the double jump technique, using it to wall kick in the air, push off the air downwards to launch at his opponent, and generally just run circles around the wire frames. Ten of them had already fallen within the first fifteen seconds.
"Interesting."
Bowser hadn't even heard the person who had came up behind him. Reacting on instinct, Bowser turned around swinging…only to find his hand abruptly stopped inches away from Mewtwo's head, held by an invisible force.
"Heh…sorry about that," said Bowser sheepishly as he retracted his claw.
Mewtwo looked unfazed as he walked over to the monitor which showed Ranma fighting the wire frames. He had just knocked off number thirty and had only taken 24 damage.
"It looks as though my next opponent is going to be a fun challenge indeed."
"Wait…your NEXT opponent?"
"Haven't you heard? Mr. Saotome in there is set to be in the league matches starting tomorrow."
"Tomorrow? Don't you think that's a bit soon? I mean, he just started using the equipment today!"
"Not at all," said Mewtwo still focusing on the screen, "he seems to have adapted quite quickly really."
Bowser looked back at the screen to see that Ranma had finished off the last of the wire frames in forty seconds flat.
"Hmm, I believe he just topped my record of forty-two seconds as well. It shall be very interesting indeed." With that Mewtwo turned around and glided off.
There was a loud pssssssht and the door to the holo room opened.
"Well how was it?" asked Bowser leading Ranma back to the elevator.
"Meh, too easy," said Ranma offhand, "The guys didn't really put up much of a fight and they flew off the stage too quickly for me to really get going."
"I'll be sure to introduce you to cruel melee sometime then," After all, not even Mewtwo could survive longer than thirty seconds in that hell, "I see you liked the double jump TM."
Ranma's grin said everything.
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"And this here is our item factory."
Ranma looked up in awe at the story high shelves that lined the warehouse like room they had just entered, filled with tools, equipment, and some things he had never even seen before. There were some obvious ones like some black bombs and baseball bats, but some things were completely alien like the long line of red and white balls near a stack of green turtle shells.
"So what are these for?"
"To make a fight more interesting and unpredictable, Master Hand had these items specially commissioned from various universes to randomly appear on the arenas. Remember the golden rule of smash bros, chaos always makes for a better fight."
Ranma decided not to mention all the times where the chaos in his life had made for some horrifically bad fights. The Hiryu Shoten Ha fight with Happosai came to mind almost immediately.
Shaking his head clear of memories best left forgotten, he began browsing the items on display, "What's this one do?" he asked curiously picking up a green shell and spinning it on his finger.
"You'll want to be careful with those," cautioned Bowser stepping back slightly, "They may be small but they pack a lot of punch."
Shrugging, he lightly tossed the shell back onto the shelf. That's when things went to hell.
The curious thing about the green koopa shell is that while it is one of the hardest items on earth and can withstand almost any amount of force, if you so much as breathe on it, the poor traction it has could make it slide for a mile.
Thus, the slight toss Ranma made was enough to send the shell careening down the shelf, knocking off the other assorted items on display. Most bounced harmlessly to the ground but one item, specifically a red and white ball shaped item, fell to the ground and opened in a flash of light.
"Um…Bowser?" queried Ranma as he slowly backed away from the lightshow, "What's going on?"
The koopa king only has time to shout, "DUCK!" before the light faded and revealed a blue turtle. Ranma stood there dazed for a few seconds wondering why a turtle was so threatening (even if it was only slightly smaller than Bowser), before seeing the two giant cannons on its back.
Coincidently, if this strange beast had shot anything else from his cannons such as, laser beams, cannon balls, or maybe even energy blasts, Ranma would have been able to dodge it no problem. However, this particular pokemon fired the bane of Ranma's existence.
"BLASTOISE!" it cried before shooting a jet of high powered water at Ranma. Needless to say, he didn't have a chance in hell of dodging it. Along with the curse activating, he also made quick friends with another shelf behind him holding more of the red and white balls of terror.
Things quickly degraded into chaos after that. Several new colorful pokemon were released from their balls and began releasing their attacks into the factory, knocking over more items and…well you get the picture.
"STOP!"
Ranma-chan, who was almost on her feet again, fell backwards into the shelf again from the voice inside her head. Her ears hadn't heard anything at all but her mind could feel the bold lettering on the command. All movement in the factory stopped, except for one stupid orange and white fish still flopping around on the ground.
Looking up, Ranma got his first look at one of the most powerful pokemon in existence. Standing a head taller than his girl form and probably a few inches above his guy form, the purple pokemon gave off an aura that dwarfed Saffron's. Hovering above the ground, Mewtwo glided into the midst of the carnage as if it were taking a casual walk.
"All of you are to return to your pokeballs. Do not come out for the rest of the day. Before you make complete fools of yourselves again, look around for an opponent before using your attack."
Ranma fought the urge to return to her non-existent pokeball. The pokemon obviously hadn't noticed her and forgot to block the mental command he gave her.
Bowser sighed as he gathered up the pokeballs and placed them back on the shelf. The purple pokemon walked over to a red button and pressed it, causing an alarm to sound from somewhere.
The martial artist watched amazed as several turtles with helmets on (much like the ones that had served her meal) walked in with tiny hammers and began cleaning the place up. If she didn't know any better, she would have guessed that this had happened before. Several times it seamed. The turtles seemed very adapt in making repairs and everything was quickly returning to its organized state.
A clawed hand reached out to give her a hand up out of the rubble. Ranma-chan took it only to almost be dropped back into the rubble as Bowser took his first look at the transformed fighter.
"Uh…Ranma? Is that…you?" asked Bowser, surprise showing on his face.
The pokemon also seemed shocked even though it was impossible to read his expression, "I thought the Ranma Master Hand recruited was a male."
Out of all the pokemon I could have gotten I had to get the water one didn't I? Thought Ranma indignantly, Fire pokemon? Nah, getting burned would have been too easy, no we got to put Mr. Saotome in another embarrassing situation and go through another long winded explanation. God damn I hate Jusenkyo.
Sighing softly Ranma-chan began with an all too familiar catch phrase, "I'm Ranma Saotome…sorry about all this." At least this time she actually had something to be sorry for.
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"So you're telling me that this place…jukunkyo,"
"Jusenkyo."
"Whatever, so you're telling me that this place makes it so you turn into a girl when hit with cold water?"
"And a guy with warm water."
Mewtwo looked thoughtful, "So I guess the obvious question is are you…"
"I'm a guy," said Ranma before Mewtwo could finish the thought, "I always am and always will be no matter how I look."
The purple pokemon walked over to the broken shelf where some water had pooled on the ground. Raising his hand Mewtwo closed his eyes and concentrated. Ranma felt the spike in energy and watched amazed as the liquid on the ground rose up and formed into a ball in Mewtwo's hand.
Opening his eyes, Mewtwo moved the water over to where Bowser was standing, "If you would?"
"Stand back," warned Bowser. Taking a deep breath, the koopa king breathed out a small stream of bright yellow flames towards the water, heating it up in seconds. When Bowser stopped, Mewtwo moved the water over Ranma's head before dropping it onto him, transforming him back into his birth form.
"Simply amazing," thought Mewtwo, "A reversible evolution triggered by water."
"A what?"
"Never mind," thought Mewtwo waving him off, "Don't worry about the mess, this happens all the time around here. More importantly, are you ready for your first fight tomorrow?"
Ranma grinned, "Naturally."
"Then I'll look forward to fighting you as well."
"So you're my opponent huh? That's good; I'd really hate to have a pushover in my first round." Ranma didn't look the least bit intimidated that someone with nearly twice the power of saffron was his opponent. It was hard to tell if it was just bravery or foolishness.
Standing on the side, Bowser sweatdropped as the two looked at each other with their most menacing glares (at least, as menacing as Mewtwo's expressionless face could get), slightly flaring up their ki as if trying to show superiority. They probably would have stood there all day if he had let them.
"Um guys, lets try not to destroy the item factory twice in one day okay?"
Ranma had the grace to look sheepish as he deflated his aura to his normal size. Mewtwo did the same although he remained expressionless.
"We should make our way back to the dining hall," continued Bowser, "Master Hand should be giving his dinner speech tonight. I hear he's going to be announcing the double-battles tournament tonight."
"Double battles?"
"What, you thought that all these fights were one on one? A sub-dimensional arena can hold up to ten people at a time with a few guys in limbo, but matches around here usually don't go beyond four people, otherwise it just turns into a mess."
Mewtwo stayed behind to supervise the last of the cleaning while Bowser and Ranma moved towards the dining hall.
"How do they determine who your partner will be?"
Bowser snorted, "Hell if I know. The last time I participated in the double battles tournament two years ago they paired me up with Peach of all people!"
"Um…who's Peach?"
"Oh that's right, you really don't know anything about me do you?"
"No not really…"
"Well then, let me introduce myself, I'm Bowser from a place called the Mushroom Kingdom. It all started one day when my dad told me about the right of initiation. In order to become a true Giga Koopa, I had to kidnap a princess…"
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"Wait, so you're telling me that he dropped the bridge out from under you?" said Ranma trying his best not to laugh.
Bowser looked perturbed, "Hey it wasn't my fault! I didn't even build those castles, I just took them over! Besides, it's not like I just left the freaking axe out in the open like that!"
"So what happened after that?"
"Meh. I got dropped in the lava, which really doesn't hurt me at all, and plotted my revenge which involved me kidnapping Peach again."
"That easily? I would have thought she would have beefed security after the first time she got kidnapped."
"Yeah well her security force consists of a bunch of people who have mushrooms for heads. Mario is just the plumber; he's not actually a subject. I've kidnapped peach about five or six times now and all mushroom head did was call Mario and his brother Luigi every single time."
Ranma chuckled, he knew that feeling. What was that? Akane got kidnapped by a strange Chinese guy? Better go rescue her, its not like anyone else will. Oh what's that? The mighty phoenix lord has Akane in his clutches? Better pack my bags; I don't think emotional baggage is going to rescue his daughter anytime soon. That's me, Ranma Saotome, bodyguard service twenty four seven, 365 days a year including leap years and holidays.
The rest of the walk was in relative silence, Bowser and Ranma musing over their thoughts. A couple minutes later and they were standing outside the dining hall for the second time that day.
"Well what do you think?" asked Bowser finally, pausing before the great hall.
"It's an awesome place but is there, you know, any place outside this building?"
Bowser smirked, "I was wondering when you were going to ask that question," Going over to a window that Ranma hadn't noticed the first time he passed it, Bowser pulled open the shade.
Ranma was nearly blinded by the sunlight he hadn't seen for hours. From his viewpoint he could see several Western style houses and a large mansion in the background. Beyond that was a field that seemed to stretch on forever.
"W-w-what is this place?" asked Ranma shocked. Culture shocked didn't even begin to describe how he felt now.
Bowser openly laughed at Ranma's expression, "I lied when I said that this was merely Smash Headquarters. All these houses hold the workforce of this arena, the ones who assist in battle, and the pokemon who make things interesting. This isn't just a Smash Headquarters; this is a Smash Planet, home of the ultimate fighters."
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One thing I've been seeing in a lot of fics lately (and not just Ranma fics either) are that most poorly written fics have a tendency to try and fix everything at the same time (most commonly seen in Harry Potter and Naruto). Determined not to do that, I decided to leave the Neko Ken unmentioned in this chapter to be used as a plot device for later on.
