14. Don't ever look back
All she can do is stare. For a moment, she thinks she might be dreaming, and it's like everything else is frozen around her. All she does is watch with her mouth agape as the rifle that's aimed at her is slowly lowered away from view.
"Oh my God…" Sarah says under her breath, and the next thing she knows she's running into his arms so fast that the both of them almost fall over from the force. "Nick," she cries. Her arms are wrapped tightly around his torso, the side of her face pressed against his chest as she squeezes her eyes shut.
For a moment, his hands only hover around her, as if he hasn't yet processed anything that's happening. But then a rare sense of joy overwhelms him and Nick securely returns the embrace, resting his head on top of Sarah's.
"What the hell?" says Emma from somewhere behind them.
"Wait, you know her?" asks Madeline in disbelief, but neither of them are listening to the other people in the room.
"Jesus Christ, kid, I almost shot you," exhales Nick with relief, completely breathless. He shuts his eyes, entirely melting into her.
Sarah chuckles into his chest, the sound muffled by his jacket. The last time she had seen him, they'd been smearing themselves in walker guts, surrounded by the dead as gunfire sounded all around them. That had been years ago. She remembers it all too well, and her tears soon begin to pour of her eyes.
"I can't believe it's really you," weeps Sarah.
"Yeah… it's me," he says, his emotions just beginning to break him too. "God, I missed you so much."
"I missed you too," Sarah smiles as she burrows her face further into his chest, as if she's afraid he might let go. She pulls away suddenly, but his hands still linger on her arms. "I don't understand, we—we thought you were dead. After Carver's—"
"Me? I thought you were dead," interjects Nick frantically. "When you didn't meet us, we all just assumed…"
She hugs him again, the both of them finding Nick's sentence better left unsaid. "No," Sarah sniffles, her voice broken. "No, I'm okay."
After a few warm moments between them, they suddenly hear Adam awkwardly clearing his throat from a few feet away. "I… hate to interrupt but… does someone wanna tell us what the hell is going on?" he asks.
Nick and Sarah finally pull apart from each other. "Sorry," says Nick, a grin still lingering on his face. "This is Sarah. We, uh… we used to be part of a larger group. Couple years back."
"Well, it's uh… it's nice to meet you, Sarah," greets Adam.
As Nick looks to Sarah again, he can't help but lose himself in how different she looks. Her hair is much longer than it used to be, tied away into two messy braids that peek out from underneath her hood. She's gotten taller as well, and her face is dirty and bloody. Her eyes appear tired, as opposed to the life they once held. But her red-framed glasses are still the same, and that makes Nick want to smile.
"We're really sorry about… all that," adds Emma. "If we'd have known who you were…"
"It's okay," Sarah briefly wipes her eyes with the back of her hand.
Nick grabs her shoulders so that she faces him again. "Sarah," He cradles her face in his hands, dying to know about the one thing he'd always feared the most. "Can—can you please tell me you haven't been alone this whole time?"
"What?" After two full years of being with Clementine every day, she'd forgotten that being alone was even an option. "No… no, I—" her voice quivers, and Nick notices how her eyes are now looking in every direction except for his own. She begins to cry again, looking as if she's trying to speak but can't find the words.
"Sarah. You all right?" Nick peers down at her so their gazes are level, but she still refuses to look him in the eyes. "I'm… sorry if I scared you," he says, remembering how he had just pointed a gun at her.
"No, it's—it's not that, it's…" she frantically shakes her head, now staring at the ground between them.
"What? What's wrong?" he asks with his eyebrows creased in concern.
"It's Clementine," sobs Sarah, finally looking up at him.
"Clementine?" Nick's eyes widen, his heart pounding against his chest as he wonders just what exactly it is she's trying to tell him. He hadn't expected to ever hear that name again, but from how distressed she looks all of a sudden, it can't mean anything good.
"Whoa, wait, who the fuck is Clementine?" Madeline steps towards them, confused.
Sarah's breath hitches, tears continuously pouring out of her eyes and streaming down her cheeks. "Please, you—you have to help me, there's something wrong with her."
"Clem… Clem!"
She hears it. Over and over again, the panicked sound of her own name fighting against her hazy mind. There's nothing there, only blackness. Yet at the same time, she's seeing so much at once that it hurts to keep her eyes open for more than a few seconds.
She lolls her head to the side, feeling heavy. The movement alone makes her groan in pain.
"Clem, can you hear me?"
A blurry face, looming over her as darkness surrounds everything else, hands touching her with brimming desperation, and that pleading voice shouting back at her.
"Hey, it's me. Look at me!"
Weighing further into the ground with every passing moment, her aching muscles are just begging her to move, and the words only continue to reverberate through her head as she lays numb.
Nick finally takes his hands off her, realizing that Clementine just isn't going to respond. Deciding to reach out to Sarah instead, he whips his head around to face her, who stands as a sobbing wreck in the doorway.
"What the hell happened?" Nick shouts as he kneels next to the disoriented girl.
Clementine's skin is pale. She's curled in a ball on the floor, whimpering, with a makeshift splint on her leg. Her calf is wrapped in a thick bandage with a couple of wooden rods that have been tied around it with a belt, keeping her leg straight and sturdy. She's shivering violently with her teeth chattering, yet she feels burning hot to the touch. Her lips are dry and stained a dark purple, and her wrist is tied by a rope to a pipe against the wall. She's wearing a black oversized sweater with the hood pulled tightly over her head, the brim of her hat still peeking out from underneath.
"She—she fell and broke her leg," Sarah chokes out. "The bone was completely out but I pushed it back in, and I—I thought that she would get better after that but she's only gotten worse and I don't know what's wrong with her." She cries even harder. Her hands come up to cover her mouth, but she's so relieved that someone else is finally here that it makes Sarah want to break down even more. "I don't know what to do. I—I tied her up in… in case she turned…"
"Was she bit?" As much as Nick hates to ask it, it's the only thing he can think of in the moment.
"No, I already checked. And she hasn't left here in weeks."
"Has she said anything?" Nick asks, his breath quickening from the alarming sight of his friend.
"N-no, she—she can't breathe half the time. She won't even look at me. It's like she can't even see me," sobs Sarah.
"She can't breathe?" exclaims Nick in surprise, his own heart feeling as if it's tightening from the overwhelming sense of worry.
Clementine's entire body jerks as she begins to cough, an awful sputtering sound escaping her as she hacks up a heap of blood, her mouth and chin now coated red.
"Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck," Nick runs his hands through his hair in a panic, at a loss for what to do.
"Oh my God…" mumbles Madeline from somewhere behind Nick.
"Has she done that before?" Nick asks Sarah as he grips Clementine's shoulders again in an attempt to keep her awake.
As Sarah remains stationary in the entrance to the small room, she finds herself weeping so much that she can hardly even answer him. "Y-yes, it—it keeps happening. I don't know what to do."
"Wh-what can we do to help?" asks Emma, also bothered by the frightening situation.
"Go get the vehicles, quickly," demands Nick. "We're taking her back with us." He swiftly pulls out his knife, grabbing Clementine's wrist and cutting away the rope.
Without protest, the two girls rush past Sarah and out through the door that leads back out into the bar.
"Do you want me to carry her?" asks Adam, approaching Nick.
"No, I got her," Nick insists as he begins to lift Clementine off the ground, who groans painfully in response. "Just go help Emma and Maddie. We'll meet you guys at the hospital. If you get there before us, tell them what happened and to get a doctor ready."
Adam obliges, sprinting out the door while nearly tripping on his own feet.
Continuing to sob, Sarah watches with utter helplessness as Nick cradles Clementine in his arms, both of them left completely breathless.
"You're gonna be okay, kid… you're gonna be okay… you're gonna be okay…"
Rain patters against the car window as Sarah gazes outside, raindrops continuously trailing down the glass and absolutely mesmerizing her. It's only noon, but the sky is still grey outside, and she can hardly see a few feet away with the thick fog that clouds the air.
Despite everything else, Sarah feels a sense of serenity from the sight, just knowing that she's finally away from the cold, and everything outside is only continuing to pass them by as they speed down the road.
"Is she still awake?" Nick asks from behind the wheel, staring out at the street ahead.
She looks downwards at Clementine. The girl is laying on her side across the back seat, curled in a ball and resting her head in Sarah's lap. With one of Sarah's palms placed on Clementine's arm, her opposite hand intertwines with the other girl's fingers by her head.
Her eyes are closed, but Sarah can tell she isn't asleep by the way she occasionally shifts her body, as well as the soft noises she's making. She's always been a still sleeper.
"Yeah," exhales Sarah, relieved by her own answer. "She's… she's pretty out of it, though." As she watches Clementine slightly press her lips together, then crease her brows as if she's in pain, Sarah wonders if the girl even knows what's happening. She thinks maybe Clementine can still hear everything, she's just too weak to respond to what's around her.
Emma, Adam, and Madeline had left before them in the other truck, with Nick, Sarah and Clementine now left alone. Sarah had insisted she sit in the back with her, never for a second wishing to leave Clementine's side.
"And you said she fell?" questions Nick.
"Yeah," mumbles Sarah, a wave of sorrow hitting her just from the horrible memory. "We were crossing a plank on the roof of an apartment building. And… I told her I wanted to go first. I guess I just… wanted to be brave like her," she looks down at Clementine again, their fingers delicately weaving around each other's. "But… once I was on there I just… froze. I thought I was gonna fall, and all the walkers would get to me. Then the wood started to break under me and she pushed me out of the way," she explains, recalling every second of it as if it had happened yesterday. "Then it was too late."
"Jesus Christ," he murmurs, shocked. "How long ago was this?"
Sarah swallows nervously. "Three weeks."
When Nick doesn't respond, Sarah finally looks up at him again and tries to peer over his shoulder, but she can hardly read his expression from her spot in the backseat.
"Fuck…" He sighs heavily, hanging his head low. "God fucking dammit," mutters Nick. He momentarily batters his fist against the steering wheel as he drives.
"Are you okay?" Sarah presses her brows together in concern, now watching his eyes in the rear-view mirror.
"I just… I can't believe this is happenin'," he shakes his head in disbelief. "I never thought I would see you two again. 'Specially not like this." For a while, all that can be heard is the sound of the rain pelting against the car as Sarah averts his gaze. "You know, for a second, I thought she was dead back there," he admits, and Sarah can clearly hear the pain in his voice.
He can't imagine what that would have been like - to find her again after all this time, just for her to already be dead. And somehow, Sarah can read his thoughts exactly. Still, she isn't entirely sure what to say.
"You really saved us, Nick," she finally breaks the silence. "I don't know what would've happened if I never found you."
"Yeah," he sighs, though it's as if her statement hardly makes him feel any better. "Yeah, guess I did."
Chewing on her bottom lip, Sarah tiredly rests her head against the window. Her eyes flicker down to Clementine's head in her lap again.
Sarah had wiped away the blood she coughed up, but her lips are still a vibrant red and there's a faint smear that has dried up on her chin. She's still shivering, the baggy sleeves of her hoodie pulled far over her wrists and almost entirely hiding her hands. Her sweater is pulled so far over her neck that it covers her ears as well.
Wishing she wasn't so cold, Sarah rubs her palm up and down the side of Clementine's arm. "So… you guys really are from a hospital?" Sarah asks.
"Yeah," Nick says. "I know it's kinda hard to believe. It ain't every day you hear about places like that, you know? But… we got good people over there that can help her. I promise, you two are gonna be in good hands."
She didn't want to trust them, but Sarah realizes that they really did just want to help her. She had almost walked away from them, because it had all just sounded too good to be true. And if she had done that, she probably never would have found Nick. Her and Clementine would still be stuck at the bar, freezing and starving, and dying all at once.
"Hey, I'm sorry for, uh… for pointin' a gun at you earlier," Nick apologizes, distracting Sarah from her thoughts. "I almost killed you back there."
"It's okay. You didn't know who I was," she says.
"No, it's not," disagrees Nick. "I was gonna do it, you know. If I would've shot you, then no one would've found Clementine."
Taken aback by his negative tone, Sarah realizes that the thought of Clementine being left alone in her state is enough to make her want to cry again. And even though they had come so close to that actually happening, she refuses to let Nick feel bad about what he did. "Well… you didn't," she says. "You were just protecting your friends. If I were you, I probably would've done the same."
"I sure as hell hope not," scoffs Nick. He finds that to be unbelievable, coming from her of all people. "You shouldn't ever have to do those things, Sarah."
The car is encased in awkward silence as Sarah realizes that he doesn't know half of the things she's had to do. She just isn't the same person that Nick remembers her being, or… probably that anyone remembers her being. "Last time I saw someone pointing a gun at Clementine… I killed them."
Nick glances to her in the rear-view mirror, noticing how she's now staring longingly out the window and avoiding his gaze. Seeing the dark look in her eyes, he finds that a part of him isn't as surprised as he should be. "Seems like you two have been through hell," he mumbles, looking back out at the desolate road again.
Sarah almost scoffs at that, recalling everything that had led them up to where they are now. "Yeah… I guess we have."
Clementine shifts her head in Sarah's lap, a low mumble escaping her throat.
Sarah brushes the curl from her cheek. "But… we look out for each other." She continuously strokes Clementine's hair over her ear, listening to the girl's soft breathing. "I don't know what I'd do without her."
"Man, just wait 'til Luke finds out you guys are okay," beams Nick unexpectedly. "I swear, that guy ain't had a full night's rest since we lost you guys."
"Luke's alive?" Sarah nearly perks up in her seat, a wide grin automatically forming on her face.
"Sure is," smirks Nick. "Hell, if he weren't alive, I wouldn't be either. Son of a bitch saved my life on more than one occasion, I'll tell you that."
Sarah automatically looks to Clementine again, as if expecting an excited reaction from her too. She doesn't get one, but Sarah knows the other girl would be just as happy to hear that as she is. "What about Rebecca? And the baby? Did they make it?"
It turns quiet between them once again, Sarah's series of questions lingering in the air. "I'll tell you all about it later," promises Nick with a level tone. "Right now, let's just focus on getting Clementine to safety. It's been a rough day for both of you."
When they reach the hospital, Sarah can hardly breathe.
The car door bursts open. Nick grabs Clementine from the backseat and Sarah rushes behind them as he carries her through the pouring rain and into the building. The next thing she knows, they're wheeling her away on a stretcher and Sarah is trying so hard to keep up as her and Nick bound down the hallway together.
Her heart is in her throat and her fingertips feel numb. Her head is clouded and heavy, her eyes brimming with so much fear that she thinks she might just fall over.
As they round another corner and Clementine is pushed through a doorway to one of the rooms, Sarah is so relieved from the thought of her being okay that she begins to smile.
But then the door swings shut in her face, and her and Nick are left abandoned on the other side.
In that moment, she has never felt so useless. Her heart shatters. She freezes in the hallway, all the noise and shouting from around them suddenly cutting off and dying down into nothing.
Sarah watches anxiously through the window of the door, numerous voices sounding muffled from inside.
She could walk in there. Sarah realizes that there is nothing stopping her from pushing those doors open and rushing to the girl's side, but as she watches them crowd around Clementine and entirely block her from view, Sarah finds herself frozen, and she realizes she's not sure if she really wants to.
Tears well up in her eyes, and Sarah begins to pant for breath.
"Hey," Nick murmurs from next to her, noticing her anxiety. He firmly wraps an arm around her shoulders, pulling her into him. Just from the petrified look on her face, he knows exactly how scared she is right now. He feels it too, but it takes everything in him to remain strong for her.
Feeling his palm rubbing up and down her arm, Sarah buries her face in Nick's chest as she squeezes her eyes shut.
He wraps his arms even tighter around her, letting her cry into him. "She's gonna be fine, all right?" Nick mumbles with a pained expression. "They're gonna take care of her."
