16. I need some sleep
As Nick, Luke and Sarah circle the outside of the building, Sarah notices that no one seems to be paying any attention to her, which she finds she quite appreciates. She's not sure if she'd be able to talk to any more people in one day.
With Nick and Luke, on the other hand, it seems like everyone they walk by has something to say to the two men. Whether that's asking how they're doing or giving one of them a high five, it makes Sarah feel so out of place as she notices how comfortable they seem to be. She feels insecure that she's probably the only one here other than Clementine that doesn't seem to be friends with everyone around them.
There is a light breeze in the air, and the rain has mostly cleared up by now. The sky is still grey with only a few residual raindrops that fall onto the wet pavement at their feet. But despite the gloomy weather, there are still a few people lingering outside the building.
Sarah can't remember the last time she had seen this many people, especially all in one area. Everyone looks so peaceful, giving off an unusual and tranquil atmosphere. Some of them are armed while others aren't, and Sarah thinks that it shouldn't be so safe for them to be out here. Then she remembers that the hospital is completely encased in a towering wall made from shipping container panels, therefore entirely secure and away from walkers.
Nick explains to Luke everything that Sarah had told him about Clementine, figuring that Sarah would prefer it that way, and they find that she is hardly saying anything through it all.
She just feels so tired. When she walks, it's like every step is a chore, and her shoulders end up slumping so much that it hurts her back. Sarah has hardly slept in about three weeks. Crying so much in one day has only left her more exhausted as well, but she's used to the feeling by now. She should be happy, being with Luke and Nick. She's relieved, that much is for sure, but… she wonders how she can feel so dead when everything around her is so alive.
"You all right there, Sarah?"
She looks up when she hears Luke's voice from directly next to her, his words almost passing her by.
He knows she isn't all right, considering the circumstances. But still, he feels like he should ask anyway.
"Yeah, I just…" she briefly rubs her face, sighing. "I just haven't been away from her like this before."
Nick puts an arm around Sarah's shoulders as he walks on the other side of her, pulling her into him. "Yeah," he says. "We know, kid."
"I feel like I abandoned her," realizes Sarah, a wave of guilt suddenly washing over her. "I should be up there with her right now. Like… what if she gets confused when she sees I'm not there? What if she doesn't understand what's happening?" A part of her wants to turn around right then and there, rush back inside and demand to see Clementine again, but Luke's words are enough to ease her panic.
"Look, I know this probably ain't what you wanna hear, but… just try not to think about it right now," he advises. "'Kay, she's got people in there looking after her who know what they're doin'."
"I'm sorry," apologizes Sarah, staring longingly at the ground as they walk. "I shouldn't make this all about me. You guys are probably pretty worried about her, too."
"Well, yeah, but… it ain't nothin' compared to how you're feelin'," says Nick. "You guys must mean a lot to each other after what you've been through and all. 'Specially after so long."
Sarah chuckles softly, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "Is it that obvious?"
Nick chuckles, jumping at the chance to tease her. "A little bit."
Luke's smile soon fades after that obvious understatement. "You ain't got nothin' to apologize for, you hear? And I know this probably ain't worth much, but we're gonna try and make you as comfortable here as we can, all right?"
"Thanks, guys," Sarah smiles softly. "That… that does make me feel a little better."
"Glad to hear it, Sarah," Nick grins.
"So… Have you guys been living here this whole time?" she asks, gazing around at the bustling community around them.
"Not the whole time. We were on the road for a little bit, 'bout a year back. After that night at Howe's, we all met up at Parker's Run," answers Nick, his voice soon trailing away with remorse. "After that, everythin' just kinda… fell apart."
"What happened?"
Nick and Luke exchange glances from either side of Sarah, as if deciding who should speak next. "Well," Luke begins, figuring they were going to have this discussion sooner or later. "We, uh… we waited for you guys, for I don't know how long. Must've been days."
As Sarah listens intently, she can't help but notice how Luke is now staring hard at the ground, clearly bothered as he remembers it all.
"Everyone was there except for you and Clem. We saw her run after you back at Howe's, so we figured maybe y'all just got holed up somewhere. So, a few of us left, tried to find you," he continues. "We'd take turns goin' back out there, just lookin' for any sign that you were alive, but… the snow was comin' in. Nobody was in good shape anymore. Rebecca was in labour, Kenny was still sore over Sarita. Guy didn't even wanna move half the time. It was gettin' colder every day and we had to find a place for the baby. Eventually, we just… moved on. Figured y'all didn't make it."
Sarah finds herself speechless at the unexpected story, shocked at finally hearing what had actually happened. It devastates her knowing how much everyone had apparently searched for them, when she'd eventually convinced herself that they hadn't at all.
"And after the baby was born, well… little guy didn't make it a day." Luke shakes his head, wearing a frown. "We didn't even have time to name him, you know. Must've been from the cold or… not havin' enough food."
A gloomy silence briefly descends upon the three, and Sarah finds she isn't sure what to say anymore. She remembers how excited she was for Rebecca. She had promised the woman she'd be the baby's best friend, and she liked the idea of not being alone all the time, surrounded by adults. Even now, she still wishes she could've met him.
"That same night, Jane left," adds Luke. "She got really mad. Said somethin' about not wantin' the same thing that happened to y'all happen to us, but… I don't think she really meant it. She was really upset about not ever finding Clem, for some reason."
Nick lightly nudges Sarah with his elbow. "Yeah, he's failin' to mention the part where him and Jane—"
"Okay, okay, you don't gotta to bring that up again," Luke interjects before he can finish that sentence, but Nick only snickers from the man's embarrassment. "Sarah doesn't need to hear about that shit," he groans.
Nick leans closer to Sarah, lowering his voice with a devious grin still on his face. "Yeah, he really hates it."
Clearly not as amused as Nick seems to be, Sarah turns to Luke in confusion. "Wait, you and Jane were…?"
"See? Look what you did. Now she's askin' questions," pesters Luke.
"I'm seventeen, Luke. I know what… that is," she grimaces.
"Yeah, well, I don't care how old you are, you're still a kid." Luke turns to Nick, pointing an accusing finger at him. "And don't go bringin' that up with Clem, either."
Despite the man's seriousness, Nick only continues to chuckle. "No promises," he jokes.
Luke rolls his eyes. "And—and no, we weren't. It was just a one-time thing," he clarifies. Noticing Nick's smirk and Sarah's shocked expression, Luke scratches the back of his neck. "Yeah, wasn't really my best of moments, and this asshole never lets me forget it," he accuses, jabbing his thumb towards the other man.
After the laughs die down, the three of them continue walking in silence before Luke speaks up again.
"Anyway, we pushed on after that to get away from the cold," he continues, the humour in his voice completely dropping again. "And Rebecca… it was too much for her. She was so devastated. She told us she couldn't keep going. She'd lost Alvin and her baby in so little time and so… she just ended it. Pulled the trigger right in front of us."
Sarah hardly reacts. All she does is just stare blankly in front of her, barely pondering over everything he's telling her. When she was younger, she had so much hope that they were all okay. But now, after all this time, she hates to admit to herself that she had expected something like this. "They're all dead… aren't they?" she mumbles.
"Actually… we don't know," answers Luke after a moment, the two men exchanging glances again. "We found this house… stayed there for a bit. It weren't very warm but it had a truck. So, Kenny fixed it up for us. We were gonna leave the next day, head somewhere warmer. But… we heard the engine in the middle of the night. We raced outside, but… they were already gone. Mike and Bonnie took everything we had and just… up and left, just like that."
Sarah wishes she could find some sort of comfort in that – knowing that maybe they aren't all dead, but she doesn't.
"For a few weeks after that, it was just us and Kenny," he explains. "We had no food, no supplies. We were freezin'. Everything had turned to shit. And Kenny… he was gettin' to be out of control. One day, he started this fight with Nick."
"What were they fighting about?" asks Sarah, finally gazing up at him.
"He said that everythin' was our fault," answers Nick with annoyance in his tone. "That we let Mike and Bonnie steal that truck, and that if none of that ever happened, we wouldn't have been stuck out there with nothin'."
"Was it your fault?" questions the girl.
"No, it wasn't," Nick sneers, as if he's still trying to defend himself. "Fucker just wanted someone to blame."
"Yeah. It got so bad that I had to step in there just to break them up," Luke adds, remembering it all so clearly as if it had happened yesterday. "Kenny was tryin' to kill him, so… so I pointed a gun at him. He started yellin' that we didn't try hard enough to find Clem, and that she was dead because of all of us. Then Kenny started cryin'.
"He was just there, sittin' in the snow. I'd never seen him like that before. He started tellin' us about his family and how he's lost people before. He said Clem had been the only one left he cared about, and that he wished Carver had just killed him back at Howe's."
With a disturbed look on Luke's face, it turns quiet between the three again, and Sarah only waits in anticipation for what he is going to say. Nick thinks he might have to continue for him, but the man finally speaks again.
"He told me to just pull the trigger… so I did."
"Oh my God," gasps Sarah.
"Yeah. It…" Luke clears his throat. "It was pretty rough. Funny thing is… it was so goddamn easy," he admits. "I know it's a horrible thing to say, but… it was like a weight was lifted after that. But I kept thinkin' that maybe if Clem we were with us, he wouldn't have asked for that."
"I think he would have anyway," consoles Nick. "It all just seemed so… inevitable."
"Yeah. Maybe you're right." Luke says with a sigh, although he sounds far from convinced.
"Are… are you gonna tell her?" asks Sarah.
"Of course I am," Luke responds without hesitation. "I know those two didn't exactly get along all the time, but… I know she loved him a lot. She deserves to know. But… we'll save all that for later. That probably ain't the first thing she'll wanna hear, you know?"
"What happened after that?" questions Sarah.
"Well, then it was just Nick and I. We didn't have much. We were barely survivin', and that lasted for the rest of the winter. One day, we got holed up in a store fightin' off lurkers. Then a couple of people came around and helped us outta there. Long story short… we were so desperate that we went back with them. And now, here we are," Luke gestures his arms outwards, gazing around them with a smirk. "Haven't left since."
"That's it?"
"Sure is. And that was about a year ago now, I think," adds Nick.
She gapes at the ground for a moment. "I can't believe it," she mutters. "We… we didn't even think you looked for us."
"We did, Sarah. We looked for so long," Nick assures.
"We looked for you, too. Well, we tried to, but after my dad, I just… things got really bad for us," laments Sarah, feeling guilty all over again. It hurts her to think back to it all, after she had worked so hard to forget.
"Is that why you didn't meet us?" asks Nick.
"We wanted to. I—I tried to but Clem didn't know where it was and I just didn't know what to do." She hangs her head low in shame. "I was the one that was supposed to get us back to you, but I just… couldn't."
"Hey," Luke rubs a comforting palm up and down her back. "It ain't your fault, Sarah. I'm sure you did everythin' you could."
She doesn't say anything after that. By the sorrowful look on her face, they know his words have done nothing to change her mind.
"So, what happened after that?" Nick changes the subject.
"We were running away from walkers and we came across this farmhouse in the middle of no where. But… eventually we had to leave because we didn't have anywhere to get food. Then, we were lost again," she explains in a small voice. "We had no where to go."
"Is that when I found you?" wonders Nick.
"No. That was a really long time ago. We just… didn't live anywhere for a while. We just kept walking. We slept somewhere different almost every night. It was awful." replies Sarah, avoiding eye contact. "Then we found a city, so… we started living there. We had a house and everything, and things were actually really nice for a while." Thinking about how things used to be, she almost begins to smile again, before remembering the events of the past few weeks. "Then the walkers chased us out of there too, and… that's when it happened."
Luke purses his lips in thought, wishing it could have been better for them. "Sounds like things were just bad all 'round."
For a second, she wants to agree with him. But it hadn't been all bad. Because even though bad things happened, she still had Clementine with her, and that had been anything but bad. She doesn't say that though, finding there would be no point. Instead, she finds something else to say. "That city we were in… do you guys know anyone that went there? A few weeks ago?"
Finding her question odd, the two men exchange looks from either side of Sarah once more. "No, don't think so." Nick answers. "We were the first people that went there in a few months. If there had been another supply run, I'm sure we would've known about it."
"Oh," she says. "That's good."
"You saw someone?" Luke perks up, peering at the girl.
"Yeah." Even though she's glad to know she hadn't killed one of their friends, she finds it too difficult to show it on her face.
"Wait, is this the same person you… told me about in the car?" Nick realizes.
Sarah nods.
"What person?" asks Luke, beyond curious as to what they had apparently discussed.
"It doesn't matter," decides Sarah before Nick is able to explain. She doesn't want to talk about her. "I guess she was just a scavenger, then."
With the two others seeming glum, Luke quickly decides not to push the subject any further. "All right, then."
"So… you guys do supply runs? Is that your job?" Sarah asks them.
"Sometimes," shrugs Nick.
"We don't really have just one job. Everyone here kinda does everythin'. Just whatever they can to help out," informs Luke.
"That sounds nice," realizes the young girl, her mood lightening from such a pleasant idea. The only other community she's witnessed had been Carver's, and the way that place was run makes anywhere sound appealing.
"Yeah. We got a good thing goin' here," Nick smiles, then an idea suddenly comes to mind. "Hey, when you're feelin' a bit better, we can show you around some more, if you want. Maybe you could even help us with some of our jobs."
"Hey, look at that," Luke chuckles, nudging Sarah in the arm. "Maybe you can come patrollin' with me one of these days." He leans closer to her, his voice lowering to a whisper. "You can carry the big gun."
She responds with nothing more than a forced breath of laughter, clearly not as excited about the idea he seems to be. Sarah doesn't like guns. Nevertheless, she appreciates Luke's shot at humour.
Somehow, everything in Sarah's life had changed in a day. She's met so many new people, and has been taken to a new place so far away from what she's used to. Her best friend is hospitalized, and now, two people she thought she would never see again are suddenly by her side and making jokes as if they hadn't all lost two years between each other.
"I… kind of just want to sleep," admits Sarah.
"Oh… right," realizes Luke, suddenly assuming her thoughts. "Sorry, I know it's probably too soon for that."
A/N: I really hope nobody is too disappointed with what happened to the rest of the group. I just feel like realistically speaking, after two full years, it would've been nearly impossible for them all to survive/stay together, as they weren't the most compatible. As you can tell, I tried to stay as close to canon events as possible, just because this story really isn't about them, it's about Clementine and Sarah. And there are also multiple reasons why I chose to have Nick and Luke the only other survivors. Hopefully, that clears some things up!
