Disclaimer: I own nothing in the Twilight universe.. I am simply borrowing some of Stephanie's charaters.
Chapter 7
In The Morning Light
Leah POV
I woke up with a start. Looking around me, I could clearly see that I was in my room, and on my bed. For some reason, it felt like I had slept on the ground. As I stretched, I breathed in, and smelled him. Everything came rushing back to me in an instant. The imprint, Bella's forgiveness, the walk home… I had cried. I hadn't even cried when my father died.
I turned around, expecting to find an empty bed with a note. Something along the lines of.. "You are a wonderful girl, and I wish you the best, but I could never want to be with a dog, so I am going to get Bella and go away forever."
Instead, there was Edward, lying on his side, watching me with curious eyes. He laughed and shook his head, clucking his tongue at me.
"Still not seeing yourself clearly."
"You stayed." I said. It was not a question, it was an awe-struck statement of fact.
"I almost left, really. But as I was going to leave, your mother met me at the foot of the stairs. She stood there, sizing me up for several minutes… and staring me down. She told me to come into the kitchen. She had some things she wanted to know, and some things that she wanted to tell me.
She told me about how close you and your father were, that you were your "daddy's little girl", and that Sam had already asked for your hand in marriage right before the phasing began. She told me that she knew that you two had gotten serious, and that your heartbreak had caused so much pain for your father and herself. They didn't know how to fix it.
She told me that the night he died, you were pleading with him to stay, to walk you down the aisle someday, and to dance with you at the reception. She told me that you cried as you begged him to stay, and that his last breath was an apology to you that he could not fulfill that request. She told me that something died inside of you that night too. That you dried your tears, and your heart turned hard and bitter.
Then, she began to cry, and told me that she saw the tenderness I had shown, and the tears you were finally shedding. She said that she has been praying that I would come into your life, and that she is grateful for me. She begged me not to hurt you. She begged me not to run."
I sat there, staring into the depths of his amber eyes, trying to read his mind. Wanting to know what he was thinking about it all as he told me everything my mother had shared with him. I needed to know if he had stayed out of pity, or obligation, or had he stayed because there was hope that he could have genuine feelings for me.
I knew that he could hear my thoughts, so I reached out to him with my mind, begging him to tell me what I was too afraid to ask. He closed his eyes, and pinched the bridge of his nose. He looked like a man deep in thought. I waited patiently for him to speak again.
"When a person becomes a vampire, everything that they are is amplified, and frozen for all time. It takes a huge event to change a vampire in any way. I never felt the need for someone in my life as a young man, even before I was turned. Afterwards, I felt much the same. I loved my family, and enjoyed spending time with all of them, but I never felt the need to find a mate. I had always been self-sufficient, and really didn't understand how an individual could need to be so tied to another. To me, that was inconvenient. I saw how happy my 'parents' made each other, and my siblings too, I saw their happiness being drawn from each other. I could even hear it in their minds, but there was this disconnect for me. "
I listened with rapt attention to what he was telling me, watching the emotions play across his mouth and brow as he spoke. He appeared to be making a soliloquy. He was gazing into the distance, and it looked like he was simply verbalizing thoughts, not really speaking to me. I was fascinated with the fact that he would open up like this, but I was a little bit unnerved that he was not looking at me. I was afraid that he was making this speech that would lead up to a goodbye.
"Even when we were in Denali, with an almost all female tribe of vampires, I didn't really want to spend the time to know any of them… at least not well enough to risk an emotional tie. It isn't even like I just didn't feel the need, I was paranoid that I might some time begin to, and I fought it with everything inside me. So much so that, while vampires are inherently sexual beings, just as our human selves were; I had always fought against that side of me. I refused to think about anything related to physical intimacy. I think I shut down that part of my brain at some point in my human existence. While there are a lot of things that I don't really remember clearly about my human life, I do remember that even as a young teenager, when most boys are going through their awkward phase of… well, let's just say when they are testing the theory that they will go blind… I didn't really do that so much. Like I said, there was a disconnect for me."
Suddenly, Edward turned his gaze to me, his eyes boring into me. I knew that he was finally getting to the point of his oration. I was so nervous that I had a hard time looking him in the eye, but he reached out, and placed a finger under my chin, lifting my face, and locking onto my eyes before he continued.
"It was not until I started trying to get to know Bella, to figure out why I can't hear her thoughts, that I suddenly found a connection. I fought it at first. I was outraged that a simple human could get to me. I told myself that it was just because I didn't know how she kept me out of her mind, that this was the only explanation as to why I was so fascinated with her. It wasn't until she was already occupying my every thought that I realized that I was in love. I had changed, irrevocably. "
He paused again, and swallowed hard, like he was about to say something difficult. My heart was pumping wildly in my chest as I looked into his intense eyes.
"I learned the hard way that I could no longer live without love. I thought it was that I could not live without Bella, but I realize now that it is a connection that I truly crave. That was what changed. I went from being a solitary man who did not know love, and therefore didn't need it, to a man who was immersed and entrenched in a love that was impossible. It was like a person trying heroin, just once, and becoming a life -long junkie after their first hit."
He moved closer to me, so that our faces were mere inches apart as he seemed to be considering how to continue his story.
"What I know now, after a long night of watching you sleep, and wrestling with my thoughts is this… I can choose who to love. So can Bella. She very nearly chose Jacob in my absence. I know this to be true. The connection that they formed is far too deep for a friendship. My coming back into her life derailed what could have been a significantly more healthy relationship for her. I could never be intimate with her. Physically. I could do her much harm, even kill her. She deserves to be loved in every sense of the word.
I know from the little bit of intimacy that we did share, that she is a very passionate person, and will make an eager lover some day. The only way that I can share that with her is if I change her into what I am. This existence is difficult at best. I will always have to fight against evil desires, and I do not wish this on anyone, least of all Bella."
"So, what are you saying?" I finally broke in, needing him to stop talking about physical intimacy... especially when it pertained to someone else. While I did not have a claim on this beautiful man, I could not sit here another minute listening to him talk like this. I needed to know where we stood. I needed to know if he was about to walk out of my door, and life forever.
"I am saying that I do not feel the connection to Bella anymore. At some point this morning, there was this sense of release that came over me. I don't know how to explain it, other than that there is a part of me that knows that Bella has made her choice. She is going to move on with her life.
I am saying that in that moment, when you imprinted on me, I felt lost in a vortex of emotion, not knowing to whom my heart belonged. I have concluded that it belongs to me. As such, it is mine to give, or not."
I tried to look down, and away from his intense gaze so that I could process what he was telling me. I was missing something, I knew it, and looking into his eyes was messing with my ability to think clearly.
He released his hold on my chin, and allowed me a moment to consider what he was saying. I really did not know where he was going with all of this even after several minutes of mulling it over, trying to connect the dots. Somewhere I was missing a piece of information. Did he say something that I missed? I felt no more understanding now than I had before he locked his eyes onto mine.
He sighed heavily. "Let me put it this way, and I promise to be less cryptic." He said. "I am certain that Bella is going to put me behind her, and pursue another relationship soon. I don't know how I know this, but I am absolutely certain of it. I plan to get to know you, Leah. I plan to move on with my life, or existence… whatever one might want to call it. I want to find out who you are, and see if we connect in any way other than some outside 'force' trying to bond us. Does this answer your questions satisfactorily?"
I looked up into his eyes again, nodding furiously. I didn't trust myself to say anything, as the torrent of thoughts flowing through my mind were incoherent enough without my trying to verbalize them. He smiled, and seemed to understand.
"In short, Leah; last night you were a stranger, a werewolf that I had no intention of knowing as a person. Now, after all that has passed, and in the light of a new day, I see hope for a new beginning. A new chapter in our lives." He held his hand out to me, and I placed mine into it.
"I like the sound of that. And I want to get to know you too, vampire." I smiled. It did still seem strange, me feeling anything but spite for a vampire, but overnight this beautiful creature beside me had become more than just a vampire to me. Edward was a man, and although I had a very difficult time discerning where the imprint ended, and the genuine feelings and thoughts of my heart began, I had a feeling that if I had been able to meet him as a human, I would have been drawn to him of my own accord. This thought made me happy.
"Thank you. I am honored by that simple thought." Edward smiled. He lifted my hand to his mouth, and brushed his lips against my fingers. "This is the 'you' I want to know!"
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