19. Too old to be so shy
Nick arrives to place his tray of food on the table next to Luke, who had previously been conversing with Sarah as she sits on the bench opposite them.
Breakfast time in the cafeteria is usually the busiest hour of the day in the hospital, so the vast room is bustling with residents collecting their morning meals and chatting among themselves at different tables. The civil environment had been a lot for Sarah to take in at first, but it's been a week since they arrived here and she's already found herself to be a lot more comfortable than she had been before.
She'd been given new jeans and a t-shirt to wear and had also been granted the luxury of having a shower for the first time in forever, which she'd been beyond grateful for. She finally looks like she's a part of the community now, and she'd be lying if she said she didn't feel that way too.
Clementine is still in her room. The three of them had been with her earlier but the doctors had interrupted them in order to take some tests on the girl. Sarah had asked if she could stay, but they suggested that the three get some breakfast first while they finish up on Clementine, promising Sarah could return to see her afterwards.
"Hey, mind if I ask you somethin'?" Luke casually asks the young girl as he aimlessly stirs his oatmeal, his eyes more focused on his food rather than her. "Are you and Clem, like… together?"
Sarah chokes on her water mid-sip, nearly spitting it out across the table. "What?" she coughs.
Wide-eyed, Nick glances worriedly between the two.
"Sorry, I… just forget it," Luke snaps his attention to her, realizing how much he's clearly baffled the girl. "I—I shouldn't have asked."
"No, it's okay," reassures Sarah, composing herself. "I just… wasn't expecting that, I guess."
"We can talk about somethin' else if you want," suggests a guilt-ridden Luke.
It's awkwardly silent between the three. Nick wisely chooses not to include himself in the conversation.
"We're not," Sarah states firmly. "Together, I mean."
Neither Nick nor Luke can ignore the hurt in her voice when she speaks those words.
Nick peers at her expectantly, sensing there's more just from the regretful expression in her eyes. "But…?"
"Nick, just let it go," advises Luke softly from his seat next to him.
"It's okay, really. I don't mind you asking," clarifies Sarah.
"Sorry, it just… kinda seemed like it for a bit there. We couldn't really tell," shrugs Nick apologetically.
Sarah's heart jumps at that, beyond embarrassed for somehow causing them to be suspicious. How long had they been wanting to ask her this? "Really? Wh—did I make it that obvious?" stammers Sarah.
"Make… what obvious, exactly?" Luke questions, speaking slowly.
"Wh—nothing. Just that… we were together. Which we're not," Sarah frets, hoping to make that last part clear.
Nick and Luke exchange perplexed glances.
"Uh huh, so… you're telling us that there's absolutely nothin' goin' on between you guys right now?" Nick crosses his arms and leans forward over the table, his eyebrows raised.
"No… why would there be anything going on?" Sarah's fingers violently fidget in her lap.
"Because of the way you look at her," Luke smirks right before taking a casual sip of water, answering almost too quickly.
Sarah blinks, taken aback by his accusation yet beyond curious at the same time. "How exactly do I look at her?"
"Come on, really?" Nick chuckles at her confusion, as if the answer is obvious. "You look at her like… like it hurts you, sometimes."
"I mean, she almost died. How else do you expect me to react?" A part of Sarah knows she's lying to herself, and she also can't help but notice how accurate his description is.
As Luke perks his eyebrows, neither of the men look for a further argument. "All right. If you say there's nothin' goin' on, then there's nothin' goin' on. Simple as that."
After that, they both continue eating their breakfast, but Sarah can't bring herself to do the same.
She nervously rubs her hands together underneath the table, debating with herself. When she speaks softly again, Sarah finds that she can't bring herself to stop no matter how much she wants to. The words are just begging her to come out. "I mean… there was this one time where she… kinda kissed me."
"Wait, she kissed you?" Luke's voice bursts into a harsh whisper.
"Why are you whispering?" chides Nick, clearly not as phased by the girl's confession as he is.
"I don't know!"
"It didn't mean anything though. She was drunk and she doesn't even remember it happening," interjects Sarah defensively.
"Well, why don't you tell her?" asks Nick.
"I can't," she shakes her head, defeated. "It doesn't matter anyway, it was a long time ago," she attempts to brush off the subject, regretting she said anything in the first place. It's only been a few weeks, but still, that's an achingly long time for her.
"Sarah," Nick's gentle voice catches her attention. "It's okay to like her."
When she looks to him, he's grinning knowingly at her and she wishes that were enough. "You don't understand," she sighs with exasperation, becoming frustrated. All these familiar thoughts are finally reaching her again after so long of not even having the time to think about anything other than Clementine's health. She doesn't bother to deny his assumption. They can clearly see through her already. "What—what if I tell her and she hates me or something?"
"She would never hate you," consoles Luke, his heart clenching from hearing her say that.
"We see the way you look at her but… we also see the way she looks at you," continues Nick.
The young girl blinks. "Really?"
"Yeah," he smiles comfortingly at her. "She thinks the world of you, Sarah. I promise you that."
"But… but isn't it wrong?" she asks, her voice becoming hushed. "Like… I thought girls weren't supposed to kiss other girls."
"Yeah, that's a load of horseshit, if you ask me," Nick grumbles as he crosses his arms, annoyed at the subject.
"It ain't nothin' to be ashamed of, Sarah. Girls can kiss other girls just like boys can kiss other boys too. If you love them, then it don't matter who you are."
"Really?" murmurs Sarah. She hadn't really thought of it that way. Growing up, she had never seen or even heard of such a thing. It was always just a boy and a girl in all the movies and books she read. Her relatives had always teased her about how she was going to marry a strong man one day, but she didn't understand why she would want that.
But when Clementine had kissed her, it didn't feel wrong at all. It felt right. Her whole life, she'd just been taught to believe that maybe it should be wrong.
"Yeah. I mean, we ended up alright, I'd say," Luke's fingertips reach for Nick's own on the surface of the table, grinning at him.
"Wait, so you two are like… boyfriends?" wonders Sarah.
"That's right," he confirms.
"It ain't a secret though," Nick explains upon noticing the confused and shocked look on her face. "I'd be surprised if someone in this hospital didn't already know about us."
"That's nice," Sarah smiles, admiring the two.
"Hey… you should talk to Clem. Tell her how you feel," encourages Luke in an uplifting tone.
Sarah chews on her bottom lip in thought, the idea of that alone simply terrifying her. How would Clementine react to that? Sarah doesn't even want to imagine all the different possibilities. Then she thinks about how happy Luke and Nick seem to be together, and she wonders if her and Clementine could ever be the same.
"Aw, your first crush. You two are all grown up now," Nick purposely teases the girl which only results in an eye-roll from his significant other.
"All right, you don't gotta be all sappy about it," groans Luke.
"What? I think It's cute. They're kinda like my kids," beams a cheery Nick.
"That's weird," Sarah giggles. Their kind words and light banter make her feel significantly better about the situation. Relieved to know that she doesn't need to hide anything when it comes to Luke and Nick, she suddenly regrets ever thinking otherwise.
"Or my sisters," proposes Nick.
"Yeah, that's… less weird," remarks Luke before proceeding to eat his breakfast.
"Now that I think about it, you guys are kind of like my big brothers," Sarah grins faintly. Her heart warms simply from the sight of the two men that sit across from her, suddenly feeling quite serene.
"See?" Nick challenges the other man before shifting his attention back to Sarah. "I'll be your big brother any day, kid. It'll be like we piss each other off but love each other at the same time, or somethin'. Isn't that what they do?"
"I wouldn't know. I was an only child," remarks Sarah while glumly poking at her breakfast with a spoon.
"Me, too," he adds.
Luke sighs softly next to him. "Me, three."
