Disclaimer: I own nothing in the Twilight universe… I am simply borrowing some of Stephanie's characters.

Chapter 8

They Say It's Hard to Do…

Bella POV

Jacob and I went to La Push, to let the pack know that there were to be more training sessions throughout the week, and that the battle was coming this Saturday morning. After discussing logistics with the pack, Jacob and I went into his garage, and spent the rest of the day joking, and talking like old times as he tuned up the Rabbit.

Only, it was not like old times - not really. There was a lightheartedness that did not belong on the heals of battle planning, and heartbreak. I considered this as he tinkered around under the car. I started considering what made the difference. The only thing that I was able to work out was that in the long run, love had to be a choice. In order for love to really be whole, it had to be a conscious choice. I had never really felt that choice with Edward, it had always felt like inevitability. Maybe, I thought, just maybe imprinting is something that happens to one extent or another in any species. Humans call it love at first sight. Werewolves call it imprinting. Vampires call it being mated. I had seen it at work in Carlisle and Esme. I had seen it with Alice and Jasper, and Rosalie and Emmett as well. The closest any of them had come to "choosing" their mate was probably Rosalie, who chose to save Emmett after his bear attack, but even then, I wonder how much was choice, and how much was just that unspoken, mystical connection that she felt when she saw him.

Maybe I'll never know. Maybe fate really does rule over every relationship, and we are just it's pawns. For all I know, my "choosing" Jacob now is simply a reaction to the pull I feel towards his human side's experience of love at first sight towards me. Who knows, I shrugged to myself mentally. All I know is that allowing myself to feel something for Jacob has given me a new sense of freedom, and self-awareness.

"Are you hungry?" Jake asked me, breaking me out of my reverie. I looked at my watch, and saw that it was already six in the evening. The day had flown by, and the sun was beginning to sink towards the west. I had only eaten half of my scant bowl of cereal this morning, and nothing else since. I was sure that Jake must be starving by now.

"Sure, I could eat." I nodded.

Jacob took my hand, and helped me up, leading me out of the garage. Once outside, we noticed for the first time how quiet everything was outside. The lights were off in the house. We had expected to see Billy and Charlie playing cards around the table. Instead, we found a note.

Kids,

If and when you find this, come on over to the Clearwater's.

Sue is making her famous pulled pork BBQ, and invited everyone.

Charlie is there with me.

Billy

We read the note, and quickly debated the idea. In the end, Jake's stomach won out, and we headed over.

I was not surprised to see the whole pack there. Sam and Emily came, and greeted me warmly. I noticed that Emily's hug was tighter, and more lingering than I was used to, and figured that it was her way of letting me know that she knew what was going on, and showing her concern. I smiled widely at her, telling her silently that I was okay, but Emily started shaking her head, her eyes full of concern. I could not imagine why she was reacting the way she was… until I heard his voice.

Edward was sitting under a tree, away from the fire, with Leah on his lap. Something inside of me felt like it was breaking as I watched him tuck her hair behind her ear, and run the back of his finger over her cheek. I recognized the gesture. Somewhere inside of me, the girl that had belonged to Edward reared her head in rebellion. I didn't understand why my heart was reacting this way. How could I be so self-assured of my decision one minute, and so broken the next? Where was my conviction about choice?

In that moment, I felt like a newly recovering addict being presented with their drug of choice. I felt a longing, and physical pain shoot through my whole being. My knees buckled, and my vision went dark.

I didn't really lose consciousness, I just fell under the enormous weight of my choice. Had I actually thought that I could get over that bond in less than a day? Who was I kidding? I knew that the choice was mine. Would I stake a claim on this man, and pull him away from the one person I know needs the kind of love he has to give, or would I walk away with dignity, and place my heart in the hands of the man who had helped to hold me together during my darkest days of existence?

I looked around me to see Jacob kneeling on my right side, one hand cradling my head, the other cupping my cheek. His eyes were full of concern and frustration. Edward was kneeling on my left side, eyes wild with concern, and what appeared to be panic. I looked him in the eyes, and nodded my head, trying to affirm to him that I was okay.

I took Jake's hand from my face, and kissed his palm as I sat up. He helped me to a standing position, and kept asking me if I was okay. I tried my best to assure him that everything was fine. He didn't believe me.

Leah was hovering in the background, watching the scene play out, and looking very worried. I could not blame her. I decided to ignore the men beside me, and walked towards Leah, wanting a moment alone with her. I needed to let her know that despite what just happened, I was not planning on doing anything to cause Edward to leave her side.

"Leah, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come." I began, "There was a note, and we were hungry, and it said we were invited, and…" my voice trailed off.

"You were absolutely invited." Leah managed in a small voice, doing her best to be polite.

"I know what it must have looked like, but really, Leah, I'm okay. I just wasn't expecting to see you two together so soon." I blurted out.

"Well, I know how it must have looked to you, but Edward and I aren't really 'together'. We are trying to get to know one another, to see if we could even be compatible." She offered awkwardly.

The moment was so absurd, and the whole scenario so bizarre that we both broke out into peals of laughter. Suddenly, she felt like an old friend, a kindred spirit in whom I could confide. As I looked into her nervous eyes, I saw the soul of an unsure, wounded girl staring back at me. I recognized myself in her eyes. It was so surreal that we were being woven together into this odd little group of messed up dysfunction. The only response that was rational under these circumstances was laughter.

"What a mess." I declared through my tittering.

"You know it!" She howled in response.

We ended up with our arms around each other, laughing until tears streamed down our faces, while everyone else looked on in shock and bewilderment. Thankfully, Charlie had been inside the house when everything happened. I don't think that he would have been able to contain his anger towards Edward. I am really not sure that he was aware of Edward's presence on the premises in the first place. Thankfully, everyone had regained some composure before Charlie came out of the house. He glared at Edward as he approached us.

"What in the hell do you think you are doing here?" he demanded.

"I invited him, Charlie." Sue hedged. "And while I know that you have reason to be upset with this young man, I expect you to act with some decorum."

"Fine, I'll leave." Charlie spat towards Edward.

Sue stepped in front of him, and placed her hand on his chest, effectively stopping him in his tracks. She looked up into his eyes, pleading with him to stay.

"Charlie, we have been friends for so long. You have been my rock since Harry…" her voice broke on his name, "I want you stay. I know you are struggling, but look at it through my eyes for a minute. I told you how good he was to Leah through this." Her voice barely audible (to human ears).

"Sue.." Charlie breathed out, calming visibly under her influence.

"I need you here. You give me so much strength and support. Please don't go." She entreated.

Charlie stepped close to her, and put his arms around her. He looked so conflicted.

"I'll stay… for you, but keep him away from me. I don't think I can be civil to him right now." Charlie acquiesced, resting his cheek on Sue's head before releasing her from their brief embrace.

It was the first time I had ever seen my father hold a woman in his arms. I was taken a bit back at the sight. I had never thought about my father being in a relationship. Watching the tenderness pass them, I could totally see potential in this. I knew that it had not been very long since Harry died, but I could definitely see the beginnings of romance between them.

The rest of the evening was quiet, albeit tense. Edward excused himself after a little while, thanking sue for her hospitality, and went home. Charlie was much more relaxed after that.

Leah and I stayed close throughout the evening. It seems odd that the one person that everyone would have expected me to avoid, the one person that I would have thought I would not be able to stand to be around is the one person I feel I can relate the most to. Until last night, Leah had barely been a "blip on my radar", someone that I would never have thought to forge any lasting bond with. Now, I felt like she was becoming a dear friend. I knew enough of her history to know that if anyone understood what was going on in my heart, oddly enough, it would be her.

Leah and I stayed close, talking quietly until after dark. She told me how tenuous everything felt right now. That she had so many fears about this whole mess. I felt nothing but sympathy, and compassion for her. Even when she talked about how she was feeling about Edward, and her longing to build a solid foundation for a real relationship with him, I could not feel jealous. I even found myself talking to her about the feelings that I was beginning to accept that I had for Jacob. It was perhaps the unlikeliest of friendships ever birthed.

As everyone left the Clearwater's house, and went to their respective homes, Jacob and I lingered. We talked quietly with Leah about the training session tonight. Leah and I planned to be there. It was a given. We both stood to lose so very much. Leah was, of course much more confident that I about the outcome. Everyone but myself seemed to think that this was going to be a cake walk. All I could think about was the possibility of someone that I loved being hurt.

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