Longest AN ever… Thank you to all who have been sticking with me through this.
I am sorry it took over a week to get this out. Thanksgiving week
was rough for finding time to write, but I promise a second
Chapter before today is out!
~an~
On another note.. several have commented to me now,
about how I am writing a too gentle and timid Leah.
To this I say, I am sorry if it seems so to you...
My vision of Leah is that she put on a façade of hostility
because of all that she had gone through, but being
treated so gently by Edward, and learning what it is to
be loved unconditionally and unfailingly is peeling back
the layers of anger, and revealing the heart of the woman.
She is still as tough as nails, but she doesn't have to wear
her bitterness on her sleeve anymore.
Anyhow, without further ado…
~UUaAP~
Chapter 13
Dreaming and Dressing
Leah POV
I slept again in Edward's arms. It was kind of strange to think that sleeping in those cold, hard arms was the most comfortable I had ever been. I lay there, vaguely remembering having dreamt. My brain seemed to be trying to hold on to some wisp of the intangible by seeking to remember the details of it. For the most part, the dream was unrecoverable. It was all blurry, and ephemeral… trying to concentrate on it was like trying to grasp at a soap bubble; you can see it, and know that there is something there, but it bursts and is gone the second you make contact. Instead of actually knowing what it was that I dreamed, I was left with a ill-defined impression of contentedness, and happiness, with a hint of something more. The only real, solid thing I was left with from the dream was the faint imagining of my lips pressed against something cold yet pleasant.
When I opened my eyes, and looked towards Edward's face, I noticed that he appeared to be far away in his own thoughts. I tried to extricate myself from his arms surreptitiously, but that of course was a futile attempt. His far away gaze abruptly returned toward me, and he smiled. I reached up and pushed his unkempt bangs off of his forehead unthinkingly. His eyes closed, and he exhaled deeply.
"Did you sleep well?" he asked, his voice sounded a little bit strained.
"Ummm… yeah?" I said a little bit hesitantly. I stretched out my arms and back, causing my borrowed shirt to rise up my torso, just under the swell of my breasts, which I probably would not have noticed if Edward's hand had not suddenly grasped the ham of the shirt, and tugged it lower, in an obvious effort to protect my modesty.
I sat up abruptly, and shot him a quizzical expression. His brows drew together, and his expression turned dark.
"I have not been concerned about modesty for a while, Edward. It's not like the whole pack, and your whole family hasn't seen me naked. It's just skin." I shrugged.
"It's beautiful skin. Skin that not all eyes should be privy to. Not skin that my eyes should be privy to." He finished in a whisper.
"What is wrong with you this morning, Edward?" I could not fathom what his problem was.
"I know that we are not yet at the place in our… relationship... where we would normally discuss such matters, but you have to realize… sex is not an option." His eyes were blazing.
"Uh. Where the hell is this coming from? We haven't even kissed yet. You are not even sure you want a romantic relationship with me, and you are bringing up sex?" I. WAS. MORTIFIED.
"Do you remember your dreams from last night?"
"I remember that I dreamed. I don't remember what I dreamed."
"It was.. " he shook his head slowly "the most erotic thing I have ever experienced… and you are wrong, by the way. We most certainly have kissed." His eyes were burning intensely.
"Oh." Was all I could manage. Suddenly I felt completely under dressed, as if the material of the tank I was wearing were see-through. Maybe modesty was more important to me than I had realized. What did he mean that we had already kissed?
You saw my dream?
Yes. Reading minds is far more than hearing your thoughts as if you are speaking. I can see your memories, and apparently dreams as well.
Tell me about the dream.
Edward was obviously uncomfortable with explaining the dream to me. His expression looked so distraught, and discombobulated that I think if such a thing were possible, he would be blushing crimson. He furrowed his brows and looked away from me.
Fine, don't tell me about the dream. Project it into my mind like your words. Show me.
Suddenly my mind was filled with vivid pictures. The dream was replaying itself in my mind, and I recognized the setting. Edward and I were back in the clearing, it appeared to be the night that I imprinted. In my dream, Sam, Jacob, and Bella were trying to keep me away from Edward. Alice and Jasper were holding Edward back as our arms were outstretched towards each other. My eyes were locked on Edward's, and I was hearing his thoughts. He was telling me how much he loved Bella, and how he could never leave her. It was heartbreaking, but completely understandable.
Then the scene changed. We were sitting on my bed that night, and Edward was talking, but I could not hear him. His lips moved without sound. I began to beg him to stay, to never leave me. I told him over and over that I loved him desperately, and that the imprint was not all of it. I poured my heart out to him in the dream as he stared into my eyes, seemingly unseeing. I told him about how he had broken down my carefully constructed barriers, and wooed my heart with his kindness and gentle demeanor. How he had already won my love by being the gentleman that he was. That I could see the beauty of his soul, and that I knew that he was my forever. I looked at him, and suddenly in my dream, his yellow eyes began to darken and change into a beautiful shade of green, and his skin began to flush, turning to a healthy natural flesh tone. I watched in awe as Edward became human, and his heart began to beat in his chest. His voice became audible, and my beautiful red-headed man was professing his love to me, telling me how much he could never be apart from me again. Then his lips were devouring me, kissing me all over leaving a trail of fire in their wake. Edward was stripping my clothes off of me slowly, his hands exploring every inch of my body.
The dream faded from my mind, and reality swirled around me as my breath came in ragged bursts. I looked at Edward, who was still looking away from me.
Talk to me, please? I know that the dream went on from there. I appreciate you showing me why you are so upset. Is that where we kissed?
Edward stiffened his posture. His hands were clenched into fists at his side. I stared at the back of his head, willing him to look at me - fearing he would. I was so embarrassed by the turn of events. I couldn't imagine how mortifying it must have been for Edward to see that dream. I wished that the imprint would just drop. It was creating nothing but suffering for either of us.
I stood up, and walked out of his room into the unfamiliar house. I hoped to find either Alice or Esme. I needed to borrow clothes so that she could go home. As I walked by a doorway, it opened, and Rosalie stuck her head out.
"Hey, you need some help?" Rosalie offered.
"Well, I need some clothes to go home in. I feel awful having to ask. It was my temper and foolishness that got me in this predicament."
"Don't feel bad. You didn't do anything wrong. Come in here, I'm pretty sure Alice and I can fix you up." Alice was sitting on a padded high-backed chair beside a beautiful antique, golden oak vanity set. The whole room was beautifully decorated, and luxurious. It was so much more opulent than anything I had ever seen before. I felt a little bit bewildered, and it must have showed, because Alice and Rosalie both approached me cautiously. Alice looked hopeful.
"Is it okay if I help pick out your outfit?" her eyes were eager as she seemed to bounce in anticipation.
"Pick it out?" I puzzled. "I figured you would just give me something old that you don't have use for anymore."
Rosalie shook her head, and looked at me with pity. "Poor girl! You just woke the fashion demon. Choose your next words wisely, your fate may depend on them." Alice was looking at me like I had grown a third eye, or sprouted horns.
"Something old? Do you think I would keep something old in this house? I have studied in five major houses of fashion. Every day I scour the internet for the best. I fly to Paris and New York every year for fashion week. There is nothing in here that has been worn before, and I promise you, if you allow me to dress you, you will not regret it."
"Seriously, Leah, if you don't want to do this, say so... now!" Rosalie warned.
I was almost scared to say no. Alice had a frenzied look in her amber eyes. I wondered to myself if fashion was an opiate for this little sprite. I figured that I had nothing to lose. I would get a new outfit, and have to opportunity to get to know Edward's sisters. I shrugged, and gave a canted nod. I'm sure I looked more like I was cringing than acquiescing.
Alice danced across the room speaking hurriedly as she entered the closet. Fashion had never been my thing, even before everything went to shit in my life. I was always a simple girl. Dressing up for me had rarely consisted of more than clean jeans and a peasant blouse with baby boll flats. I may have owned half a dozen skirts in my nearly twenty years of existence. Until I was transformed into a she-wolf, I had obstinately refused to wear the simple cotton dresses that my mother always made for me. I only wore them now because of the convenience. The only time I had ever worn high heels was for my senior prom, and those had come off as soon as the pictures had been taken. I had never worn nylons. This could prove to be interesting.
As we entered into the closet (which by the way was larger than my whole bedroom at home) I looked around at the beautiful fabrics, and fancy designer labels with more than a little trepidation. All of the clothes were sorted according to color. The room looked like a rainbow, stretching from one side, wrapping around to the other. To the far left, I noticed the pale shades, starting with white, winter white, fading to grey, then black in the corner. The far wall started with pastel pinks, growing in intensity to fuchsia, then red, deepening to burgundy, and black-cherry colors. This pattern was repeated with all shades of orange, yellow, green, blue, and purple. They were meticulous in their sorting. It certainly made things easier to find.
I knew that this was the start of something, I just wasn't sure if it was the precedent that I wanted to set. I had a nagging suspicion that Rose's warning meant that giving in might mean never going back. I was falling down the rabbit hole, funny that I was following someone named Alice. I laughed aloud at the thought. I could swear I heard Edward's laughter from elsewhere in the house.
"What are you laughing at, missy?" Alice demanded.
"Uh-uh! Nope! I know when to keep my thought to myself." I responded, popping the "p". I was not about to let her know what had crossed my mind. I wanted her to like me, and I was not sure what her sense of humor was like.
"Whatever. Okay, so let me guess. You are a girl of simple taste in clothes, right?"
I arched an eyebrow, and gave a canted nod. "Dressing up has never been my 'thing'." I made quotations with my fingers.
"I figured that was the case." Alice quickly put on a serious face, and began to walk in a circle around me, with her curled fingers resting against her jaw line, and her index finger tapping against her cheek bone. She reminded me of all of the movies about mad scientists hovering over an experiment, or equation trying to solve a problem. Then she twirled and grabbed what appeared to be a multi-colored robe off of the rack and pushed me down onto the little Victorian style Settee. When she put the material against me, I realized that it was an over sized color swatch, with probably two dozen different fabrics and colors. She cocked her head to the side, her eyes scanning through the colors, placing different segments against my throat, I assumed she was trying to figure out what colors made my eyes pop, or my skin "glow".
She finally settled on a rich, deep, burnt-orange color, nodding in satisfaction. She walked to the assortment of orange clothes on the wall, and began perusing the wide assortment of material there. I wondered as I watched her picking through the many shirts, how often these women must go shopping. This closet was a veritable designer store!
As Alice was picking out my outfit, Rose (as she had instructed me to call her) was busying herself in a chest of drawers that was built into the walls. She tossed me a matched set of underwear in a beautifully sheer, flesh colored material. It was all lace and some sort of soft mesh. It was possibly the most beautiful lingerie that I had ever held in my hands.
"Those should fit you." Rose said, smiling lightly. "Come with me." We went back into the bedroom (which suddenly seemed a lot less opulent after stepping into the fashion closet) and she pointed out a door on the far side of the room. She explained that it was a bathroom, telling me to shower, and that there were linens in the cupboard.
I intended to shower quickly, but the warm water pulsing through the multiple jets from all sides was more relaxing than any bath I had ever taken. The shower stall was humongous. It was tiled with cobalt and white ceramic, and the fixtures were brushed nickel with ornate white ceramic handles. There was a touch pad that controlled the temperature of the water, and the pulse and intensity of the spray, as well as how many of the twenty-four water jets would be in use. I marveled at the thought that this bathroom alone probably cost more to set up than the best house in LaPush.
On the shelves in the shower were an assortment of body washes and shampoos and conditioners. I had never been much of a "girlie-girl", but I found myself enjoying this rather much. I settled for a body wash that was not overly feminine, bu smelledt like clean linens. There was a shampoo and conditioner in the same scent, and by the time I had finished with my bath, and wrapped myself in an over-sized, and very plush towel, I felt like a bowl of jello. I was relaxed, and ready to allow Alice to her worst.
I put on the lingerie set that Rosalie had given to me, and stepped out into the bedroom. Esme had joined the party with a tray of fresh fruit and breakfast breads, and another with a pot of hot water, and a wide arrangement of tea and coffees to choose from. I was instructed to sit on the seat in front of the vanity. Esme brought the trays and a plate over to me, and I chose some fresh pear and mango slices along with a toasted English muffin, and a large mug of jasmine tea. While I ate my breakfast, Rosalie handed me a small bottle of lotion. I noticed it was the same scent as the other bath products I had used. I smiled at her gratefully. It was hard to believe that I had ever viewed them as anything less than generous and loving people.
Rosalie and Esme were discussing the outfit Alice had picked out for me, and how appropriate they thought it to be for my build and coloring, and Alice was busy sketching in a notebook. I took a look at them as I sat silently finishing my tea, and applying the lotion Rose had given me. It occurred to me that I ought to feel a little bit awkward around them, but I couldn't. I could not find it in me to think negatively about them anymore. I wondered if this was going to make me weak as a wolf. I hoped that the wolf in me would understand the drastic difference between this family and the others that were coming our way soon. I also wondered if I could maybe glean some understanding from these women about Edward. His mood swings were hard for me to understand. I knew that we were just beginning to know each other, but especially after this morning's conversation, I was beginning to think that Edward was only placating me with the idea of a possible deeper relationship in the future. Why else would he let me know that he had no intention of ever sleeping with me?
Of course, it was far too soon to be considering a physical relationship, but I guess I figured that at some point I would have one of those with my imprint, vampire or human. I didn't know what to think, and I was not sure if I should ask his sisters, or mother figure. I sighed deeply as I set the empty mug down.
"Do you mind if I do something with your hair?" Rose asked as she was already grabbing supplies to do just that.
I shrugged. "You can try, but it is so short, I usually just brush it then forget it."
"I have learned to do some pretty amazing things with short hair over my years as Alice's stylist!" She was using a blow-dryer and a round brush as she talked to me. In a very short time, she had managed to smooth my hair into an attractive style. I was surprised that I liked it. I had so rarely found anything to do with my hair since I first phased, and had to cut nearly two feet from its length.
"There you go, what do you think?"
"I really like it, Rose! Thank you."
"My pleasure. Listen," she said, grasping one of my hands, "if you ever need someone to talk to, you can always come to one of us. We have discussed this at length, just the three of us, and we know that you are going through some seriously huge transitions right now."
"And," Alice interrupted, "we also know how difficult it can be to get to know Edward. He plays his life close to the vest, forget the cards. We watched Bella struggle to understand him sometimes. She almost never came to us with questions, if she had, some things may have gone so much more easily for her."
Esme swooped in and hugged me gently. "If there are any questions you want to ask, don't hesitate, please? Our family does not keep secrets, and we always try to support one another through difficulty. We already feel like you are a part of us."
I had not had anyone to do "girl talk" with since Emily happened. A part of me was relieved to know that I could talk with them, but another part felt like Edward needed to tell me what he was thinking for himself. I decided that I would not ask advice on Edward unless it was a last resort. I didn't want to set the precedent of dragging our relationship to everyone else. This whole physical thing was between us, and it was going to go no further until there was an issue. Right now, it was not an issue.
When Alice had finished dressing me, I looked in the mirror, and was astonished. Alice had picked out a pair of indigo stretch-denim leggings, and a burnt orange, scoop necked cotton shirt with ruching along the deep neckline and under the bust, and flared out at the bottom. It had billowy three quarter length sleeves that were cinched below the elbow. I stared at my reflection. I had never worn anything like it before, but it truly suited my body build, and coloring. I was impressed. Alice brought out a pair of high heeled ankle boots to complete the ensemble. I looked at them like she was asking me to slip my feet into a pit of vipers.
"Don't you have something like a pair of sandals that I could wear?" I pleaded. She muttered and growled as she walked back into the closet, and began digging through the large assortment of shoes. All I could make out from her mutterings was that I was obviously ruining the effect, and something about being more like Bella than she had anticipated. I smiled at the comparison. She finally tossed a cute pair of sandals onto the bed, and threw me an exacerbated look.
After thanking the ladies once again for everything, I left the room. I had just closed the door behind myself when Edward appeared in the hallway. His mouth fell open a little as he took in the sight of me. His eyes darkened a little bit, and his whole frame stiffened. I wasn't sure how to read his posture. He always seemed to freeze in place and darken his mood when he was surprised by something, so I could not tell if he was pleased, or upset. I felt my "hackles" rise as he stood there just looking at me, and not saying anything.
"Is there a problem Edward?" I asked a bit defensively.
His eyes darted to mine for a moment before roaming over my body again. He relaxed his stance, and a crooked smile began to form across his face. He cocked his head to the side, and glanced up at me through his lashes.
"No, no problem from where I'm standing." He walked towards me slowly, and took my hand, leading me towards the stairs, but paused on the top step and leaned his head back towards the hallway and called out "Thanks, guys!" We heard the tinkling of laugher, and a trio of voices calling out "You're welcome!"
We went downstairs and into the living room where Jasper and Emmett were setting engrossed in a video game. They were playing one of the Call of Duty games that the guys in the pack were so fond of. I had played a few times, but I had a hard time with the controls. I preferred to be a back-seat gamer; yelling advice and cheering people on, then teasing them when they died. That's how I roll. We sat and watched them play for a while, and I had a great time giving them crap about how the boys in La Push could kick their gaming asses.
After a while, I had gotten bored, and looked over at Edward who was watching me intently.
Want to get out of here? He asked with a crooked grin.
Absolutely. I smiled in return.
~UUaAP~
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